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Video Information: 20.07.2024, Vedant: Basics to Classics
Context:
How thoughts act in choosing life partner?
What are signs of a wrong relationship?
How to have a healthy relationship?
Can negative thoughts affect our love life?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
➖➖➖➖➖➖
#acharyaprashant
Video Information: 20.07.2024, Vedant: Basics to Classics
Context:
How thoughts act in choosing life partner?
What are signs of a wrong relationship?
How to have a healthy relationship?
Can negative thoughts affect our love life?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Namaskar Acharyaji, first of all I want to say very thankful for improving the life of
00:10people like me and clearing various aspects, I am very very thankful to you in a very simple
00:19way so that we can also understand.
00:23My question is basically, how the wrong relationships and the thoughts are interdependent, basically
00:39in what manner thoughts act in choosing not the right person.
00:48I think I have made you clear or should I speak something else?
00:52It's clear.
00:53Thank you.
00:54See, we'll proceed from thoughts serve to secure the master, right?
01:07Here I am, I am the master, my thoughts exist to secure me, me not in so much in the physical
01:16sense though also in the physical sense but more in the psychological sense.
01:25Thought is not autonomous, thought has no sovereignty of its own, thought is a dependent
01:32phenomena, thought is tied to its center and that center is called the ego.
01:42So I am the thinker and my thought will exist to save and secure me in the psychological
01:50sense.
01:51So there is the ego and thought exists so that the ego remains as it is.
02:00I think a lot but I will think in a way irrespective of how much I am thinking that does not
02:12cause me to fundamentally change myself.
02:19I might think continuously, I might think intensely
02:25but just the fact of thinking will not change the thinker
02:31irrespective of how much the thinker thinks, thinking will not change the thinker.
02:37What changes the thinker is something very different, that's observation of thought.
02:43If you can see the thinker thinking thought, that entire triad, if you can see the thinker
02:52thinking the thought and if you can see that from here as a witness, if you can see the
02:58entire process, there is the thinker, the subject, then there is the object of the thought
03:06and the relationship between these two is called thinking, the thought.
03:13If you can see that, then things can change but that does not usually happen.
03:18We usually are not witnesses to our thoughts, are we?
03:20We don't witness thoughts, we just keep thinking.
03:24We remain the subject of thought, not the witness of thought.
03:29We remain the subject of thought, not the witness.
03:32Not the witness.
03:34So we said the thinker can keep thinking, thinking, thinking but thinking will not
03:39change the thinker just because he has been thinking.
03:47And the thinker is thinking, therefore the thinker obviously
03:53is not going to hurt himself through thinking.
03:57Since thinking is something that is done by the thinker,
04:02why will the thinker think in a way that hurts his own perceived self-interest?
04:07Will he?
04:08Yes.
04:12Thought is not coming to me from the universe.
04:17Thought does not arise in a vacuum.
04:19Thought arises from me, from who I am.
04:23From who I am.
04:25Since thought is my own doing, why will I think in a way that thought challenges who I am?
04:32Will I allow thought to be that way?
04:34No.
04:35So thinker is never really challenged by his thought.
04:41Right.
04:42So I am a person now, I am the thinker and I think a lot.
04:45Let's say I am in the marriageable age, you are talking of relationships, we come to that now.
04:50So I am in the marriageable age or whatever, I am an adult, I can have relationships.
04:56Presumably these are the kind of relationships you are talking of, right?
04:59Yes, I am talking of man-woman relationships.
05:03Man-woman relationships, yes.
05:05So I am in that age and I think, as a man I think about women, as a woman I think about men
05:13and these things are there.
05:15So whatever thoughts I have will result in a choice because most of us choose through
05:21thought, correct?
05:23When we have to make a choice, we start thinking.
05:27I am a person, let's say I am a man, I want to choose a woman.
05:31The choice is based on my thought and thought exists to help me remain just as I am.
05:40I am, the woman is coming to me through choice.
05:46Choice is made through the process of thought and thought exists to let me remain exactly as
05:54a woman.
05:55So what kind of woman will I choose?
05:57I will choose a woman who pleases me, ingratiates me but never really challenges me to the core.
06:12Some amount of challenge is okay, that is fun.
06:16Let the two of us play air hockey.
06:19We are challenging each other.
06:20So that kind of, or carrom, you know, we are challenging each other in carrom.
06:23That kind of challenge is alright.
06:25But if somebody challenges you to the core, shakes you up to the foundations, that's not
06:31admissible or is that?
06:33No man wants to admit such a woman in life who will like challenge his basic philosophical
06:40underpinnings.
06:43Hello, you, Mr. Dualist and the fellow is a hardcore dualist and the woman comes in
06:50and the woman comes in and says, no, no, no, this won't do.
06:53All your dualism is nonsense.
06:56The man is never going to let her in.
07:00Do you see how relationships depend on thought and thought depends on who you are and therefore
07:05all our relationships just result in continuation of our misery, not just continuation actually.
07:15Enhancement, aggravation.
07:17Yes.
07:18I am already bad and through the thought process, I make a choice that makes my condition worse.
07:29I will always choose a woman who does me no good.
07:34And if a woman exists, coincidentally, who can be of real help to me,
07:41who can be of real help to me, the job of thought will be to push that woman aside.
07:53Reject her the first thing possible because she is the one who will shake you up.
07:59She will move into your house and the house will collapse.
08:03Ditto for the other combination, you know, as a woman, you don't want a man
08:12who will challenge your most fundamental beliefs.
08:23What changes we need to make regarding those thoughts?
08:29Like you have suggested some thoughtless.
08:32No, not thoughtless.
08:36See, it cannot be addressed at that level only in that domain where a person is to be chosen
08:45for a relationship. That's probably the most hurtful. So, that's the place we want to address
08:55first, right? Because if you make a bad choice with respect to a t-shirt, it doesn't hurt that
09:03much. But when you make a bad choice with respect to a man, it hurts much deeper and for much
09:10longer probably. So, we want to talk of that. But talking of that alone might not be very helpful.
09:18The person, the man or the woman didn't just randomly enter life. It was a continuation of
09:25a pattern of choices. I have been choosing that way since very very long and that very same pattern
09:33now made this woman enter my life, right? I just want to somehow surgically remove this woman from
09:42my life while keeping all the other entrants in. That won't do.
09:52The same process that brought this shirt to me or this pen to me or my job to me
10:01or my religious beliefs to me or my political associations to me.
10:09You are leaning towards the conservatives. No, no. Mind you, that too is going to be related
10:19to the marital choice you make. Unless I am ready to challenge the very center from where
10:29all the choices are made, it will not be possible to rectify one particular choice.
10:39If I am someone who says I am not going to challenge my political beliefs,
10:46but I want exactly the right woman in my life, it is not going to be possible.
10:52Your political beliefs are a reflection of your ego and if you staunchly adhere to your political
11:01beliefs, that means you are very particular about saving, protecting your ego and if that is the
11:11case, then the woman you will get, you know, will be just your ego in another shape, another name,
11:21another gender. I just, I want to give the example of myself. Like I feel I am a revolutionary
11:34person. I always do something different. But regarding relationships, I am also some wrong
11:43person. So, how can I relate my revolutionarism and the choice of the wrong person?
11:52You will have to reflect on everything. See, no relationship choice ever happens in a vacuum.
11:59I must be someone ready to observe all the choices being made.
12:06When all the choices are of a certain standard,
12:14then the personal choice in terms of a man or woman, that too carries a certain standard.
12:23If I am someone who is reckless in choosing the kind of jewellery to wear
12:33or the next car or the next job, what are the other things we choose? Our friends, our books,
12:42objects of common choice. If I do not know how to make choice with respect to these objects,
12:50how will I know how to choose when it comes to choosing someone for marriage, let's say,
12:55or for a relationship, whatever? These are not unrelated. I must be into it 24x7
13:04because I am choosing 24x7. So, I must be observing 24x7. And if I am constantly improving
13:1024x7 and if I am constantly improving the process of my choice, then when it comes to a man,
13:22I'll obviously be making a great choice.
13:28See, I can put it this way.
13:31You read a book once, right? It had, let's say, 80 chapters.
13:48Now, again you have picked up that book. This time, some other publisher,
13:54some other font, some other size, number of pages has changed,
14:07the cover has changed, all those things have changed, the page quality, paper quality has changed.
14:11Chapter 26, when you read the book last time, was Obsession. That was the title of chapter 26.
14:35Chapter 26, when you read the book last time, was titled Obsession.
14:41And chapter 27 was titled Suffering.
14:51Now, this time when you read the book, you find chapter 1 till chapter 26 are exactly
14:59as they were in the previous book. You are again reading the chapter sequentially.
15:06You have come till chapter 26 and chapter 26 is exactly the same as it was last time.
15:13Chapter 1 till 26 have all exactly been the same as they were last time.
15:19Now, this time, in this particular book, can chapter 27 change?
15:25That's what. For chapter 27 to change, you'll have to write an entirely new book.
15:31You cannot say all other chapters will remain the same but one chapter has to change.
15:36Is that ever possible in any book? Cover page can change, line spacing can change,
15:45probably even the color of the ink can change. All those things can change.
15:53But after chapter 26, which is Obsession, chapter 27, which is Suffering,
15:59will always be there. That cannot change.
16:03If you want to change even one chapter, change the entire book,
16:09it is just pointless to expect that all the chapters will remain the same, but this particular one
16:16should not turn into Celebration. After Obsession, you will have Suffering.
16:22The chapter cannot be renamed as Celebration.
16:25Can it be?
16:31Our expectation is unanswerable but at the same time, it does not take much to rewrite the book.
16:44In fact, we are not just entitled but obliged to rewrite the book.
16:55You have been given a book in advance. Your job is to erase whatever is already written.
17:05That's called Neti Neti.
17:07When you were born, you were born with a book.
17:13Now, you could either keep following the chapters or you could erase whatever came with the body
17:23and write an entirely new story.
17:28But to expect that the book will remain the same,
17:32the story, but to expect that the chapters will miraculously
17:44change into something better is unreasonable. That's not going to happen.
17:52Change everything. Change everything, challenge everything.
17:57We said Observation 24x7. Every small choice is like exercise, rehearsal, a workshop, net practice.
18:10If you are not meticulous with the so-called small choices, you will inevitably suffer in the so-called
18:19big choices because the chooser is the same.
18:29So, when you find the sailing is smooth, use that period
18:40to sharpen your weapons and deepen your defenses.
18:49You are sitting at a restaurant, you have to order food.
18:54You know how many combinations of food items are possible within your budget. Think of it.
19:03Think of it. You have gone there and you are sitting at the table, let's say all by yourself.
19:10Your budget is 500 bucks. For 500 rupees, the number of combinations that is possible
19:19is absolutely staggering. But do we pay attention to the process of choice?
19:26Something is priced at 80, something is priced at 100, something is priced at 250
19:33and there are let's say 300 things on the menu.
19:36Can we have some mathematician compute the number of possible combinations within rupees 500?
19:42You will be astonished. The number of such combinations will run into lakhs.
19:48Now, out of these lakhs of possibilities, which one do you choose? We don't even choose. We say
19:57we don't even choose. We say one masala dosa.
20:06Pay attention to the process of choice.
20:13That got her excited.
20:14Thank you very much. I am always obliged. You have come to my life, especially your
20:26sessions. I am following it in the recordings also. Thank you very much.