Spy - 105 (2011) [couchtripper][U]
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00:00I don't know what you're talking about Look how he craves the attention of a real
00:20father figure in his life and that's why Philip's so amazing for him
00:23I don't want to talk about Philip Ha ha ha gotcha
00:27How's it hanging, blood?
00:28Painfully
00:29Who's that?
00:30That is Sam McLeod's dad Tony, he's a detective sergeant in the Met
00:34I've had the school inspectors on my back
00:37Apparently you can see more discipline in a Romanian brothel
00:41Which I think is rather rude
00:43Which part of Romania exactly? Galati is a charming city
00:46Wow, fascinating
00:48Just getting back to him
00:49Oh yep, right, well I asked Tony to come in and talk to the kids
00:53You know, instill a bit of order
00:54Really?
00:55Surprised you didn't ask me
01:00We know a little about discipline in the civil service
01:02Oh, you're the best
01:25I managed to break out in the skylight above the warehouse and out the corner of my eye
01:37I saw one of the guys running through the yard
01:39Wow, that is an excellent story
01:42Wow, it's Tony isn't it?
01:44Yep
01:45Yeah, I'm Tim, I'm Marcus's dad
01:51So, the old law enforcement
01:53That's right
01:54Yeah, we're pretty much in the same business you and me
01:56Please don't
01:57You were in the force?
01:58Yeah, in a way, civil service
02:00Oh, okay
02:01Pretty high level
02:02Must be exciting
02:03Oh, it is
02:04All that photocopying
02:07That's a good one
02:08So what are you guys packing these days?
02:10We don't carry weapons
02:11Oh dear
02:12Me, I'm a Glock man
02:14What?
02:159mm auto, short recoil, one in a chamber, 16 in the mag
02:18Do you have a license to carry a firearm, sir?
02:21Sorry, what?
02:22A Glock
02:23Do you have a license for that?
02:25He doesn't have a gun
02:27Well, which is it?
02:28Do you have a firearm or not?
02:33You do know it's an offence to waste police time
02:36Do you understand me?
02:40Now apologise to them
02:44Sorry
02:45Come on guys
02:46We don't like liars
02:53Thanks
02:58Oh, come on
02:59It's one thing to humiliate me in front of my work colleagues
03:02But quite another to insult one of Her Majesty's police officers
03:05But he was a bit of an arse
03:06He's a detective sergeant
03:08What are you?
03:09I'm a civil servant
03:11No, you're nothing
03:13Ouch
03:15Shut up
03:23I don't know what I'm doing
03:30I identify as Carrie Lee
03:35I swear to you, I thought it was the men's toilet
03:39Good morning
03:40Hi, how are you?
03:41Good, thanks
03:42You?
03:43Yeah, good
03:44Is this you?
03:45No, what is it?
03:49Don't ask
03:52You and I need to have a little chat about what constitutes acceptable behaviour in the workplace
03:59You wanted to see...
04:01Hello?
04:03Sir?
04:04Is that you, Tim?
04:06Yes
04:07Were you hiding?
04:08No, no, no, no, no
04:10Just er...
04:12Drops
04:13Ah, here it is
04:15There's nothing there
04:16Enough of the small talk, Tim
04:18Senior management have decided to introduce a new policy of random drug testing in the office
04:23Fair enough
04:24If I take that drug test with my blood, it is possible it might fail
04:28Possible
04:29Possible slash certain
04:30Right
04:31It's the old ganja, I'm afraid
04:34Okay
04:36Is that something you do regularly?
04:38I didn't ask you in here so you could judge me, Tim
04:40No, no, no
04:41It's just cannabis only stays detectable in the body for about six weeks
04:45Yep
04:46I'm going to need your blood
04:48Mmm
04:49I'm not going to give you my blood
04:50Not even for a promotion?
04:52Promotion?
04:53For a few mils of a beautiful, clean plasma
04:55What kind of promotion?
04:57What do you want?
04:58Um, I don't know, executive position?
04:59Done
05:00Really?
05:01Yep
05:02Really? Wow, that's it? I'm an executive?
05:04Congratulations
05:05This is going to make Marcus so proud
05:07Of course it will
05:08Now, roll up the sleeve
05:09What?
05:10Oh, right
05:11And remember, Tim
05:13Don't let that power go to your head
05:15Oh, don't worry, sir
05:16I won't change one little bit
05:18A bit more focus, people
05:21These exercises are important, yes?
05:25Good, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
05:28Very good, very good
05:35How are you getting on?
05:36What?
05:37Listen, I hope things aren't going to be weird between us
05:40Why should they be?
05:41Well, you know, with the promotion
05:43And, uh, now I have more responsibilities
05:45And a bigger desk
05:46It's not a bigger desk
05:47It's an executive desk
05:48It's the same desk with a sticker on it
05:49Yeah, so I just wanted to say, you know
05:51I'm still on your side, okay?
05:53I still think of us as equals
05:55We are equals
05:56Yeah, of course we are
05:57Absolutely, we are
05:58Although officially
06:02We're still equals, absolutely
06:04Yeah, good talk
06:05Yes, question
06:07It's not so funny now, is it?
06:09Stupid, why'd you snitch on us?
06:11Hold him
06:12Oh, check if she's got any money
06:15What are you looking at?
06:16Get out of here
06:19You alright, Oliver?
06:20Excellent, thank you
06:22That's right
06:23So go on, get out
06:26Get his arms
06:28Look how pathetic he is
06:30Why don't you stop being a crybaby?
06:33I'm afraid I can't do that
06:35Come on, Marcus
06:36Wait for me outside
06:38It's a breach of the school code
06:40Not to mention common law
06:42To assault a fellow student
06:54Of course
06:56If you don't stop
06:58It might leak out how you and Carl kissed after the school disco
07:01What?
07:02Hey, I'm not judging
07:03I didn't kiss Carl
07:04I understand
07:05It's society's fault
07:06But you know how cruel kids can be
07:08Carl, tell them we didn't kiss
07:11Carl!
07:12Yeah, no
07:13No way do we kiss
07:15That would be
07:17Horrible
07:18So, gentlemen
07:19What's it to be?
07:24The inspectors are right
07:25There's absolutely no discipline in this school
07:27What were you thinking?
07:29I was just doing my job
07:30Your job?
07:31Philip, talk to him
07:32I'm going to call Paula
07:33And inform her how Tim has been letting Marcus run wild
07:36Yes, my love
07:38Marcus, you were very brave today
07:40God knows what might have happened if Mr. Harris hadn't turned up
07:43In future, you'd do exactly the same again, wouldn't you?
07:46I couldn't possibly comment
07:50I knew it!
07:52A bit risky, though
07:53The kid needed my help
07:54You are the coolest
08:00How would you feel about a little assignment?
08:06I'm listening
08:09What's up, Marcus?
08:11Hi, Marcus
08:21I thought you might need a drink
08:22I don't drink on duty
08:24No, of course
08:26Sorry
08:28Well, perhaps I can make an exception
08:31You've got it
08:36You should get back to class
08:37Keep it
08:46Had your fun, have you?
08:48Hello, Paula
08:49You force your way in
08:50No
08:51Ravish me all night
08:52No, I didn't
08:53And then leave without even a goodbye
08:55No, I didn't
08:56No, I didn't
08:57No, I didn't
08:58No, I didn't
08:59And then leave without even a goodbye
09:01Goodbye
09:02No, wait, I'm sorry
09:04No, forgive me, my angel
09:05Stop it!
09:06Now, this ends here, Paula
09:08Now, you and me did not go rock climbing together in the Algarve
09:12We did not adopt a rescue cat and name him Roger Fishman
09:15And we most certainly did not make love on stage during a Michael Bublé concert
09:21Are you dumping me?
09:22No
09:26Actually, yes
09:27Yes, I am dumping you
09:28Don't say that
09:29Paula, we've had a good run
09:30But lately, I don't know, it's like we've been drifting apart
09:34No
09:35It's not you
09:36Well, it is you, obviously
09:38But I'm an executive now
09:40I've moved on
09:41I have responsibilities
09:42Whereas you...
09:44You are mental
09:46Oh
09:47Oh, so you're too good for me now, is that it?
09:50We'll see about that
09:51We'll see about that
09:52Yeah
09:55Don't listen to him, Roger
09:57He'll come back to us
10:10Another day, another dollar
10:12Yep
10:13You got a tough one ahead
10:14Are they all?
10:15I hear you
10:16Dealing with the scum
10:17And the idiots
10:18And the weak
10:20I hate the weak
10:24I hate the weak too
10:28Get out of here
10:32That was really lame
10:34Seriously, I'm not just saying that
10:42Really not that complicated, Karen
10:44Come on, wake up
10:47And get away with less make-up
10:49It'll suit you
10:50No
10:51Heard that
10:52Got the key three numbers for you, Tim
10:54Rubbish
10:55Do them again
10:57Psst
10:58Psst
11:00Psst
11:07There's been a problem with the old switcheroo
11:09What?
11:10Keep the faith, keep the faith, Tim
11:11I literally have no idea what you're talking about
11:13Could you come with me, please, Tim?
11:15Sure
11:33Space for one more?
11:34No
11:43This doesn't feel entirely good
11:44Leslie
11:45Thank you
11:46Gentlemen, following the recent drug testing we conducted on the employees
11:49I take no pleasure in reporting that Tim has failed the test
11:53What? No
11:54I'm afraid so
11:55No, there must be some mistake
11:56There is no mistake
11:57Tim has tested positive for, um, let's see
12:01Everything
12:02Everything
12:03Everything
12:04My God, Tim
12:05Really think there's been some kind of mix-up here?
12:06I don't
12:07No?
12:08No way
12:09Really?
12:10You can't cheat science, Tim
12:11That's why they call it science
12:12No, the only mistake we made was hiring you in the first place
12:15You are a degenerate, Tim
12:18And I
12:19Loathe you
12:21Wow
12:23I think that's quite harsh in the circumstances
12:25I'm sorry, Tim, but there you have it
12:28Now, as this is your first offence, no doubt of many
12:31We are legally obliged to send you on a drug rehabilitation programme
12:35That's really not necessary
12:36Just take the literature
12:37Okay
12:38Try not to inject it
12:43Is that everything?
12:44Everything
12:50Are you packing?
12:51I've got twigs
12:54Marcus, can you help us?
12:57You've changed, Marcus
13:13Is it safe?
13:15What?
13:16Is it safe?
13:18What are you talking about?
13:19It just says here you like scuba diving
13:21I was wondering, is it safe?
13:23Yeah, yeah, it's fine as long as you have a qualified instructor
13:26Interesting
13:27Well, Car, I'm afraid Robert said it was all your idea
13:32What was?
13:33Car thought it would be hilarious to put a poo in a jiffy bag and post it to Mr Harris
13:38What?
13:40He said that?
13:43Yeah
13:46It's not too late to save yourself, Carl
13:50Robert would never do anything to hurt me
13:52Wake up, Carl, don't you see?
13:54He's left you to take the rap
13:56You're lying
13:57Tell me it was Robert
13:58No
13:59Tell me
14:00No
14:01Tell me
14:02Okay, okay
14:03I can't take any more
14:04I'm sorry, Rob
14:05I'm so sorry
14:13I hope this isn't going to take long
14:15I've got the locker rooms to patrol
14:17How's it going?
14:18Busy
14:19Twelve counts of swearing
14:20Eight no permission slips
14:21A few missing ties
14:22The usual
14:23So, if that's all
14:24No
14:27No?
14:28Sit down, Marcus
14:29I think I'd prefer to stand
14:34This is difficult for me
14:35Spit it out, Philip
14:38I've had some complaints
14:39What sort of complaints?
14:40You've been abusing your power
14:41That's ridiculous
14:42Who said that?
14:43I bet it was Gillespie that...
14:44It was Mrs Godfrey
14:46Among others
14:47Godfrey
14:48What's her problem?
14:49He clapped her car three times
14:50She was parked in the disabled bay
14:52She has multiple sclerosis
14:53So she says
14:54This can't happen again
14:55Okay
14:56I'll ease off
14:57A little
14:58No
14:59It's too late for that
15:00I'm sorry, Marcus
15:01What are you saying?
15:02I'm saying you're off patrol with immediate effect
15:04I'm going to need your badge and your gun
15:07I'm sorry
15:08I'm going to need your badge and your gun
15:17I clean this place up for you
15:19And this is the thanks I get
15:27So do you write, Marcus?
15:29Yes
15:30So do you write, Philip?
15:31Yes
15:32Well done
15:33Thank you
15:34Thank you
15:38Thank you
15:45Alright
15:53Hey!
15:55What are you doing here?
15:56You're kidding, right?
15:57I am
15:58Yeah
15:59Yeah
16:01How's it going, pal?
16:02What do you mean, how's it going, pal?
16:04You stitched me up and sent me to rehab
16:06Still annoyed about that?
16:08I can't tell
16:09Unbelievable
16:12So you're here to get cleaned?
16:14Me?
16:15God, no
16:16This is a terrific place to pick up the ladies
16:18Really desperate women here
16:20Is that right?
16:21Oh yeah
16:22Tuck in, sonny
16:23But hey
16:24Hands off the counsellor
16:25That sweet tushy is all me
16:27Are you okay?
16:28Can we make a start, please?
16:30Oh my God
16:31I know
16:32Isn't she amazing?
16:34So
16:35Who'd like to go first?
16:38I think Tim had his hand up
16:39No, I didn't
16:40Actually
16:41A round of applause for Tim
16:43Yay!
16:44Tim!
16:47So, Tim
16:48Tell us about your addictions
16:50Yeah
16:51Yeah, the thing is
16:53And this is actually pretty funny
16:55I don't have any addictions
16:56No
16:57No, I am
16:58I understand your scepticism
16:59But honestly, it's true
17:01There's been a misunderstanding
17:03If you're going to beat this, Tim
17:05We need to strip away the lies
17:07And rebuild you from scratch
17:08Right, sure
17:10Whatever that means
17:12Not cool, guys
17:14Seriously
17:15You enjoyed that way too much
17:17You are now standing in the circle of truth
17:20How does it feel?
17:21Cold
17:22I want you to relax
17:23And embrace the truth
17:25Tim
17:26Are you addicted to drugs?
17:27No
17:29Ow!
17:30This is the circle of truth, Tim
17:31Lies must be punished
17:32I'm not lying
17:34Let's try something a little easier
17:35Tim
17:36Do you enjoy number puzzles?
17:38Yes
17:39Good
17:41And have you ever strangled a swan?
17:43No
17:44Okay
17:45Who's got a question for Tim?
17:55How safe is it now, Serpico?
17:57Come on, let's do it
17:59This doesn't concern you
18:01Move out of the way, Justine
18:02That's not going to happen
18:04No
18:05I deserve it
18:06Yes, you do
18:07Let's do her too
18:08That's your choice, Daniel
18:09But I should warn you
18:10That if you try anything
18:12I will take you down
18:14I will take you down to Chinatown
18:21Well, let's not be hasty
18:23I'm in for pilates, actually
18:24Yeah, I'll walk with you
18:26Thank you
18:27Are you done with all that vigilante stuff?
18:29Yes
18:31I could have taken them, you know
18:32I know
18:33All of them
18:34I'm agreeing with you
18:39I'm not saying this
18:40I'm not a drug addict
18:42And I'm definitely not saying that I love you
18:44You don't have to mean it
18:45Oh, what did you say?
18:47No
18:48Tim, if I fail you on this course
18:49You won't be able to go back to school
18:51No
18:52No
18:53No
18:54No
18:55If I fail you on this course
18:56You will lose your job
18:57Is that what you want?
18:58Paula
18:59There is absolutely no way I'm saying any of this stuff
19:02Let me rephrase that
19:03If you don't read this out
19:05I might just have to tell Marcus about his mother
19:07And her sordid past
19:09I know all about her issues
19:11The pill, the depression
19:12How she reads the Daily Mail
19:13You wouldn't do that to him
19:14No
19:17Didn't I mention
19:18I took the liberty of inviting a few friends and family
19:20To help you through this difficult time
19:22Welcome, welcome
19:24Thank you all so much for coming today
19:26Tim is immensely grateful for all your support
19:29And has some important things he'd like to say to you
19:32And Tim
19:33Have fun with it
19:38Wow
19:40Hey Marcus
19:41How are you?
19:42How was school?
19:43Get on with it
19:44Right
19:46Um
19:47First I would like to say that
19:50I may have
19:52A minor drug problem
19:57Try it
19:58He hasn't finished yet
19:59Go on
20:02Marcus, have you heard of benzodiazepine?
20:04No, don't
20:05I'm doing it
20:06I have had
20:08For some time now
20:09For some time now
20:10Have had
20:11Feelings
20:12I think that says loving feelings
20:13Yes, I have had loving feelings
20:17For someone
20:18Like in the English patient?
20:19Yeah
20:20It's like in the English patient
20:21I see
20:22And who do you have these loving feelings for?
20:25You
20:27Tim, I asked you
20:28Who do you have these feelings for?
20:29Yes
20:30I know and I said it
20:31And they heard me
20:32They did not hear you
20:33Tell us clearly
20:34Who you have these feelings for?
20:39You
20:41Oh
20:42Oh
20:43Oh no, no
20:44I didn't expect that
20:45Oh gosh, that is so embarrassing
20:46I don't know what to say
20:48Look Caitlin
20:49Caitlin
20:51That was for Roger
20:54Notice of the custody trial
20:57I'm sure the court will be fascinated by all of this
21:01Don't worry bro
21:02We're going to fight this thing together
21:03I do not have a drug problem, okay
21:05This is
21:06Marcus, none of this was true
21:07You have to believe me
21:08Liar
21:10You better get yourself a good lawyer, Tim
21:20Have you got any gear I can score?
21:23No
21:25Hey, wait
21:27I think that turned out pretty well
21:29In what possible way?
21:31I got a date
21:33Hey, yay
21:34I just want to go back to work and forget this ever happened
21:36Yeah, about that
21:37What?
21:38I'm afraid you're no longer an executive, Tim
21:40Why?
21:41I can't have my executives on drugs
21:42That would be insane
21:44Of course it would
21:45We can still be best buddies
21:46Yeah
21:47Yeah, cool