Spy - 104 (2011) [couchtripper][U]
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00:00I'm just asking to spend a little more time with him. Is that unreasonable?
00:06Do stop whining.
00:07But why can't I join your book club?
00:09You thought Nabokov played left-back for Chelsea.
00:11Well, I was joking.
00:12Aren't you being a little unfair, Marcus?
00:13Philip would have been the answer.
00:14I really don't want to hear about Philip. No offence, Philip.
00:15Don't worry about me, bro.
00:16Are you sure everything's alright, Philip?
00:17Why do you ask? You do seem a little tense.
00:18You're embarrassing yourself, Philip.
00:19You're not the boss of me.
00:20What's the matter with you two?
00:21Nothing.
00:22Private.
00:23Alright, then.
00:24She kicked me out of the bedroom.
00:25Philip!
00:26In two weeks.
00:27What did you do?
00:28I just said she reminded me slightly, slightly, of Noel Edmonds.
00:29Yeah, no, she hates that.
00:30Yeah, but I like Noel Edmonds.
00:31We're not talking about this here.
00:32I mean, can you imagine what it's like to, you know, go without for two whole weeks?
00:33No.
00:34No.
00:35But I can't take it anymore. I'm a very sexual person.
00:36I don't care.
00:37I don't care.
00:38I don't care.
00:39I don't care.
00:40I don't care.
00:41I don't care.
00:42I don't care.
00:43I don't care.
00:44I don't care.
00:45I don't care.
00:46I don't care.
00:47I don't care.
00:49No.
00:50No.
00:51No.
00:52No.
00:53No.
00:54No.
00:55No.
00:56No.
00:57No.
00:58No.
00:59No.
01:00No.
01:05Especially in front of a child.
01:12Because as of now, I am rejecting you.
01:14So how do you like them apples?
01:17Boom!
01:22Yeah, way to go, Philip.
01:24Yeah, and Marcus, as for you and your lousy book club,
01:28I don't even want to, no, I do, I really do,
01:30I want to join, please, can I?
01:31You can join when you demonstrate
01:33you've learned something.
01:35All right, how hard can that be?
01:37Who wrote Bleak House?
01:44I want to say Snow Patrol.
01:47MUSIC
02:18Tim Elliot.
02:20Identified.
02:28Use this.
02:30The lie detector.
02:32An invaluable tool for interrogation.
02:35You'll see in your textbooks that for the most accurate results,
02:38you'll want to keep your subject absolutely calm and relaxed.
02:43I disagree.
02:44So, what is your name?
02:46M-M-M-Moritzking?
02:49I don't think so.
02:51SCREAMS
02:54Let's try that again, shall we?
02:56Go on, please.
02:59Please.
03:00Shh.
03:01Please.
03:02What does that even mean, teach me culture?
03:04You know, books and art and books.
03:08And why would I want to do that?
03:10Because you're intelligent and kind.
03:12Mm-hm.
03:13And I'll cover all your overtime.
03:15Go on.
03:16And it would be your chance to have complete control over another human being.
03:20You'll be like my Eliza Doolittle.
03:21Right.
03:22Like I'd be able to talk to animals.
03:25Go on, then, I'll do it.
03:26Yes! Yes!
03:27He gets it.
03:28So, once again, what is the cube root of 216?
03:31Six!
03:32No!
03:33It is!
03:34Lie!
03:35SCREAMS
03:39Come in, come in.
03:40Hi.
03:41Hi.
03:42Hello. Hi.
03:43Book club is upstairs.
03:44I will join you, but I'm actually busy tonight.
03:46Ha! Yeah, right.
03:48I am.
03:49Get.
03:50Hello.
03:51What are you doing here?
03:52Julius meant to babysit.
03:53Colonic.
03:54Right, of course, Tuesday.
03:56Ah, you're looking cute.
03:58Thanks.
03:59Mm, you smell good, too.
04:00Do you mind?
04:01Yeah.
04:05Are you missing Julius?
04:06No, not so much.
04:07No, didn't think so.
04:09OK, I'm off.
04:10If you need anything, just call me.
04:11Will do.
04:12Oh, and Philip?
04:13Yeah?
04:14Don't have sex with the furniture.
04:16And four.
04:24Marcus?
04:26Marcus, is the Wi-Fi on?
04:30Marcus?
04:31Where's the router?
04:33Marcus?
04:41Oh.
04:44Hey, Phil.
04:46Marcus!
04:49Are you ready for this?
04:50Yeah.
04:51It does seem a bit, um...
04:52What?
04:53Very not fun.
04:54Oh, just give it a chance.
04:55You might enjoy it.
04:56Yeah, I'll give it a try.
04:59I don't think you're gonna need that.
05:01No?
05:02Not really that kind of event.
05:04Mm.
05:12Yeah, just...
05:37Drink.
05:38Yeah, great.
05:42It's...
05:45You've got to send them home right now.
05:47I'm still your headmaster.
05:48I cannot be associated with this.
05:49I thought we could just take a moment.
05:51Hey, now, don't you try and sweet-talk me.
05:53As if I would disrespect you like that.
05:55I'm hurt.
05:56OK, OK, I'm sorry.
05:57I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing.
06:00How are things between you and Judith?
06:02Much the same.
06:03Must be frustrating.
06:04Oh, it's...
06:05Doing OK?
06:06You're strong.
06:07That's why I admire you.
06:10I love her so much.
06:16Let her out, big guy.
06:18You'll get her back.
06:19You think so? Really?
06:21Hey, hey.
06:23Who can resist this face, huh?
06:25Now, do you have a smile for me?
06:30What am I like?
06:33Oh, here's a thought.
06:35Oh, no, forget it.
06:37What?
06:38No, no, you wouldn't be interested.
06:40Marcus, tell me, what is it?
06:43I'm not interested in the tears, princess.
06:46I won fair and square, and you know it.
06:48Now, hand over the chips.
06:51Cha-ching.
06:54Everyone, your attention, please.
06:56I would like you to welcome our newest platinum member.
06:59Hello.
07:01I'm Philip.
07:03They use code names, dude.
07:05What would you like to be called?
07:08Ooh.
07:10Are you sure?
07:11Hell yeah.
07:13Everyone, Shatara.
07:16Nice.
07:22That's enough.
07:23Welcome to book club, Shatara.
07:25The first rule of book club is...
07:27You do not talk about book club.
07:29No.
07:30That would be ridiculous.
07:31How would you get people to join?
07:32It's commercial suicide.
07:33Basic marketing.
07:34I'm so embarrassed right now.
07:36I'm sorry, Marcus.
07:37They'll be the code names.
07:38Oh, come on.
07:39What is wrong with you today?
07:41I'm sorry.
07:42There's just so much pressure.
07:44OK, people.
07:45Let's make some money.
07:47You and me.
07:48Let's go.
07:50Sirens crack with a liquid spleen.
07:53Ash-burnt bones velvet the unctuous chasm.
07:56His heart, elliptical yet complete,
08:00Empties awash with furious glee,
08:03While alone she weeps a tearless soliloquy.
08:08Thanks.
08:12Wasn't that incredible?
08:13Yeah.
08:14Oh, yeah.
08:15Very moving.
08:16Oh, I saw you.
08:17What?
08:18Eyes closed.
08:19Right.
08:20Listening hard.
08:21Yeah, exactly.
08:22Listening.
08:23With the ears.
08:24Listen, I really want to thank you for bringing me tonight.
08:26I had a great time.
08:28Me too.
08:34I should probably get going.
08:35Yeah, good plan.
08:36I'm sure Marcus is probably wondering where you are.
08:38Wooden bed on it.
08:41You sure you're OK getting home on your own?
08:43I'm carrying a snub-nosed 9mm, so, yeah, I like my chances.
08:46Mm-hm, yep.
08:51All right.
08:53Good night.
08:55Good night.
09:01Yeah.
09:02Yeah.
09:07See you at work.
09:08Yeah, work.
09:09Excellent.
09:17Hello?
09:18Philip?
09:21Marcus?
09:22Yeah?
09:31And that basically is quadratic equations.
09:35Hi, Tim.
09:36Is everything OK?
09:37Marcus? Yeah, good as gold.
09:39How was the poetry night?
09:40Fantastic.
09:41What?
09:42Loved it.
09:43You just give me a few more days and I'm going to be ready to join book club.
09:46Yeah, well, let's not be too hasty.
09:48Takes more than a few days to become literate.
09:50Yeah? How long?
09:51It's hard to say.
09:52Yeah, it could be a while.
09:54OK.
10:13Tim.
10:16Tim.
10:17Check it out. I've made it look like a mess.
10:19Must everything in your world be so base?
10:21Oh, what's your problem?
10:22No problem.
10:24It's called being cultured.
10:25Ah, yes, your literary dates with Kate Lynn.
10:28They're not dates.
10:29They're dates.
10:30No.
10:31We go out, we listen to poetry, we go home alone.
10:34I didn't say they were good dates.
10:35See, I'm not like you, Chris.
10:37I'm just interested in the learning.
10:39Oh, right, so you don't like her.
10:40Of course I like her.
10:41Right, but you don't fancy her.
10:45Sure, she's pretty.
10:46Especially when she does that thing when she smiles.
10:48That's really nice.
10:50But you wouldn't be sad if she, I don't know,
10:53cancelled one of your evenings?
10:55No, might be a little disappointed,
10:57but certainly not sad.
10:59Good to know, because she did cancel.
11:00What? Why?
11:01She never...
11:02There's nothing on there.
11:03Ah, you do like her.
11:05Oh, my God, I really do.
11:08How long have you known this?
11:09For quite a while now.
11:11I want to know everything.
11:12How long have I been feeling this way?
11:13Pretty much from the start.
11:14Are you saying I'm in love with her?
11:15Maybe.
11:16This is huge news.
11:17Well, Tim, luckily for you,
11:20you happen to know the number one love guru in the district.
11:23Yeah, I can't bother Mr Prakash again.
11:25I meant me.
11:26No, yeah, I'm... Go on.
11:28OK, well, the trick is you've got to play it very cool,
11:30very enigmatic.
11:31I think I know how to be cool.
11:32Thank you very much.
11:33All right, well, let's see what you've got, big guy.
11:35Copy, guy.
11:45You look like you've had a stroke.
11:46Copy me.
11:47Come on.
11:48Come on.
11:49All right.
11:50Repeat after me.
11:51You don't care.
11:53I don't care.
11:54You score a new chick every day of the week.
11:57I score...
11:58Well, I don't.
11:59She doesn't know that.
12:00Karen does.
12:01Tim...
12:02OK.
12:03You're a player.
12:04I'm a player?
12:05You're a ladies' man.
12:07I'm a ladies' man.
12:09You're a prat.
12:10Hey, Marcus, how long have you been there?
12:12Long enough.
12:13We were just practising an ancient African ritual.
12:19Surprised you haven't seen it before.
12:21Leaving in five minutes.
12:22Five minutes, check.
12:25Look at me.
12:26Look at me, Tim.
12:29Tonight you are going to unleash the Tim Tornado.
12:35You're feeling it.
12:40You have disappointed me, Alan.
12:42I swear I never said anything to anyone.
12:44Haven't I looked after you?
12:45Of course, Marcus.
12:46I owe you everything.
12:47I'd never do anything to hurt you.
12:49Then why didn't Mrs Godfrey appoint me chess captain?
12:52I don't know.
12:54You have to believe me.
12:57I know it was you, Alan.
12:59You broke my heart.
13:01You broke my heart.
13:08I don't want anything to happen to him while Miley Cyrus is alive.
13:17Yes?
13:19We've been going through the accounts.
13:21Just give me the headlines.
13:22Turnover up 67%.
13:24Memberships?
13:25Stable.
13:26What about profits?
13:27The profit margin isn't quite where we want it to be.
13:30I asked you about the profits.
13:33We made a loss.
13:34Turnover's up and we make a loss?
13:36There were some unexpected write-offs.
13:39What are you telling me?
13:40For God's sake, it's Philip. You've given him these credit lines.
13:43Paul, I don't...
13:44No, Daniel, he's got to know.
13:46Philip is massively in debt to the house and can't pay it off.
13:50I've let my heart cloud my judgment.
13:53I'll deal with this personally.
14:01I've been seeing a lot of Kevin recently.
14:03Caitlyn.
14:04Ugly name. It means unfaithful.
14:06No, it doesn't.
14:07Slutty or slut-like.
14:09Did you want something?
14:10You do know she's a lesbian?
14:11She's not a lesbian.
14:12She could be a lesbian.
14:13You could be a lesbian.
14:18No, but you might as well stop hanging around her.
14:20She's not interested.
14:21Oh, we'll find out.
14:22So, good luck.
14:23Bye.
14:24Bye.
14:25Bye.
14:26Bye.
14:27Bye.
14:28Oh, we'll find out.
14:29So, good luck.
14:31What does that mean?
14:32Nothing.
14:35We'll see about that.
14:42Morning.
14:44So?
14:45You all right?
14:47Er, yeah.
14:48If you need to pigeonhole me, I am all right.
14:51Tim.
14:52Shoot.
14:53Have you soiled yourself?
14:54No, that's how men walk.
14:55Incontinent men, maybe.
14:56More importantly, what is the dealio with tonight's activities?
14:59I've planned something a bit special, actually.
15:01Oh, yeah?
15:02Yeah, it's going to be at my house.
15:03Hope that's OK.
15:04That is perfection.
15:05But I should warn you, there may be some nudity.
15:08Nudity?
15:09Don't worry.
15:10I think you're man enough for it.
15:11I think I'm mad.
15:13Tim.
15:15A word.
15:17Yeah.
15:20See you later.
15:26Bye.
15:34Tim.
15:35I want to know what's going on between you and Caitlin.
15:40I don't know what you're talking about.
15:42Tim, come on.
15:43Do you think I'm a fool?
15:44Well, no.
15:45No way.
15:46I mean, you know the policy on inter-office romance.
15:49Forbidden.
15:50Forbidden?
15:51Of course it's not forbidden.
15:52God, no.
15:53Why would it be forbidden?
15:54Well, inter-office relationships can alienate other members of staff,
15:57not to mention the increased risk of blackmail,
15:59which could potentially endanger the safety of the government,
16:01the monarchy and the entire British population.
16:03Twaddle.
16:04Right.
16:05Come on, God.
16:06Were you supposed to hook up with someone if it's not at work?
16:08I mean, sure, you can hang around rehab clinics,
16:10but is that really acceptable?
16:13No.
16:15Probably, but what would I know?
16:18What do you think?
16:20Spit it out, lad.
16:21Come on.
16:23I agree with everything you say.
16:25Good answer.
16:26Well done.
16:27Okay, Tim.
16:29You have my blessing.
16:30Thank you, sir.
16:31I just asked that you let me watch.
16:36You're joking.
16:39Yeah, I can see how that would sound more appropriate.
16:44Is he okay, do we think?
16:46He's fine.
16:48But he is a fire hazard.
16:53It's okay.
16:57I'm really not sure about this.
16:58Would you please just trust me?
17:01Okay, you're early.
17:02Yeah.
17:03Okay.
17:04Bye, then.
17:05Well, hold on.
17:06I've left some food in the fridge.
17:07Yeah.
17:08And my mobile number is on the side.
17:10Bye.
17:11Goodbye.
17:16What are you doing?
17:17We have orders not to let you in.
17:18What?
17:19Since when?
17:20Good evening, Pelletts.
17:21Good evening, sir.
17:24Right.
17:25Marcus!
17:26Marcus!
17:27Marcus, tell your boys to let me in.
17:29You know can do, Shatara.
17:30I'm cutting you off.
17:31Please, just one more night.
17:34I need you to follow these gentlemen now.
17:35What?
17:36What now?
17:37Now!
17:52How can I ever repay you?
17:54I'll think of something.
18:02Hi.
18:03Hello.
18:04Are you coming in?
18:06I don't know.
18:07Am I?
18:08Yes.
18:14I'm sorry.
18:15I'm sorry.
18:16I'm sorry.
18:17I'm sorry.
18:18I'm sorry.
18:19I'm sorry.
18:21Do you want me to take your...
18:29Oh, my.
18:30You like?
18:33Are those your nipples?
18:35We'll just keep that our little secret, shall we?
18:38We can try.
18:42Yeah.
18:43Yes.
18:44Everyone, this is Tim.
18:45Hi Tim.
18:46Hi, Tim.
18:47Tim, this is my life study class.
18:49All right.
18:53No more bets.
18:55Looks like business is doing well.
18:57Just giving the people what they want.
18:59People want a lot of things that aren't necessarily good for them.
19:01I'm not here to judge.
19:03Just exploit.
19:04Thank you for dropping by.
19:05I want to play.
19:08No, you don't.
19:09Yes, I do.
19:10I want to play you.
19:12What do you want to play?
19:13Twenty-one.
19:20Your bet.
19:21I don't have any money.
19:22In that case, then we'll...
19:23So I'll just bet this.
19:26Is there a problem?
19:27I gave that to you.
19:29But you'll accept it, right?
19:34Stick or twist?
19:38I'll stick.
19:40Did she just stick on fourteen?
19:42I know.
19:43Statistically, more than you.
19:45I know.
19:47I know.
19:48Statistically, Marks almost can't lose.
19:53I'll twist.
19:57He's got her now.
19:58It's all over.
20:02Busted.
20:03What?
20:04Bad luck.
20:05It happens.
20:07Owen.
20:08Don't forget that.
20:09We should set up a rematch sometime.
20:11I'm thinking of retiring, actually.
20:12That sounds like a smart move.
20:14I'll see you around.
20:18I don't understand how you lost.
20:20What cast did you have?
20:22I forget.
20:23That was a bad beat, Marcus.
20:25Sometimes you have to lose in order to win.
20:37I'm serious.
20:38Martha, I'm not going to tell you again.
20:39Just ignore her.
20:40She's freaking me out.
20:43Here's a funny thing.
20:45When you were talking earlier about there being some nudity,
20:49I thought you meant...
20:51Me?
20:52You.
20:53Naked?
20:54I know.
20:55Get out of here.
20:56I wish I could.
20:57What bit of what I said made you think that?
20:59The words.
21:01Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Tim.
21:04I'm not disappointed, Caitlin.
21:07I mean, who wants to see us naked?
21:10Who wants to see us naked?
21:12Put your hand down, Martha.
21:16Hold on.
21:17If it isn't you getting naked, then who?
21:32I have studied poetry, sculpture, architecture,
21:35and now the painting of the semi-human form.
21:38In the name of all that is holy, please, can I join the book club?
21:42Tim, you can join the book club.
21:45Really? Really.
21:46Well, this is a huge honour.
21:48Thank you.
21:49Congratulations. Here.
21:51What is this? My official appointment at the club?
21:53Not exactly.
21:54It's formal notice that the book club has,
21:57as of seven o'clock this evening, been dissolved.
22:00Dissolved?
22:02Sorry about that. Tough break.
22:05I need to be alone for a while.
22:07I understand.
22:09Don't you think that was just a little mean?
22:12He's fine. He enjoys it, really.
22:14What would have been mean is if I had omitted to tell him.
22:18Get out!
22:20By the way, Philip and Judith are up there.
22:23Yes, thanks! Hey, buddy!
22:25No, no, don't leave on my account.