Una moglie bellissima - A Beautiful Wife

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  • 3 months ago
Miranda is a beautiful Italian girl, she is married to Mariano. They live in a village called Anghiari (Tuscany).

Director
Leonardo Pieraccioni
Writers
Leonardo Pieraccioni, Giovanni Veronesi
Stars
Leonardo Pieraccioni, Laura Torrisi, Gabriel Garko

*
# Unamogliebellissima
# ABeautifulWife
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Transcript
00:00:00You
00:00:30Come on, let's start. Music!
00:01:00Power! You're so blind. It's electrifying!
00:01:08You better shape up, cause I need a man. And my heart is set on you.
00:01:16You better shape up, you better understand. To my heart, I'll tell you the truth.
00:01:24No more laughs, no more laughs for me to do.
00:01:40Come on, let's eat. All you have to eat.
00:01:45If you're filled with affection, you're too shy to convey
00:01:57Meditate on my direction, feel your way
00:02:05I'll bow just once, cause you need a man
00:02:09I need a man who can keep me satisfied
00:02:14I'll bow just once, if I'm gonna prove
00:02:20That my faith is justified
00:02:22I'll bow just once, cause I'm so glad to be saved
00:02:25You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:30You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:34You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:38I want what I need, oh yes I need
00:02:43You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:47You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:51You're the one I want, you are the one I want
00:02:55I want what I need, oh yes I need
00:03:00You're the one I want
00:03:13Oi, oi, oi...
00:03:15Where are you going now?
00:03:21Where are you going, Gabinetto?
00:03:25You always say, I have no words
00:03:27Damn, it's not even raining tonight
00:03:29Why is it raining? What's wrong?
00:03:31I have to test this new wig, I have to try all the clips
00:03:34Is it a project with your uncle, Chimico?
00:03:37Yes, but my uncle only knows about materials
00:03:40I think about the design, and since they have to be tested to read
00:03:44I also do the test
00:03:45I understand, but if the project goes well, who finances you?
00:03:49You have to give them the money
00:03:50Don't worry, there is a very strong company in Sweden
00:03:52Yes, Ikea, they make you a lot of money
00:03:59Look, I'm 20 years old, I was already a Spaniard
00:04:01If there were already wigs like this
00:04:04My singing career would have taken a different turn
00:04:06Right?
00:04:08Hey, Pomodoro, be careful
00:04:10There are tests on Wednesday
00:04:13Do you understand? You too, the Addams family
00:04:16No, I have a football match on Wednesday
00:04:19You know about football
00:04:20Today is the tenth anniversary of my marriage, I came the same day
00:04:24Congratulations, but it's been ten years
00:04:27And you, for your anniversary, you leave a wife like that at home
00:04:30to come and make biscuits dressed in a mask
00:04:32My wife knows, she married an artist
00:04:35I'm telling you, you're crazy
00:04:37No, the crazy ones are the ones who go to play football on Wednesday
00:04:42Dad, can we make some spaghetti at home?
00:04:45Altamonte, listen to your dad
00:04:47We want to limit ourselves
00:04:49You have talent, give it to your dad
00:04:52Do we want to do this test or not?
00:04:54From friends of Maria De Filippi
00:04:56Well, at least two crackers
00:04:58All of them
00:05:00I'll make them
00:05:03Love!
00:05:16Follow the path traced by the candles
00:05:19Then turn them off
00:05:21Clean the floor
00:05:23And if you can, find me, artist
00:05:26The treasure hunt
00:05:28The treasure hunt
00:05:30The treasure hunt
00:05:45Go, where the car stopped, to the uncle Rino
00:05:50The treasure hunt was something that Miranda invented
00:05:53to celebrate the big occasions
00:05:55She organized one for my 40th birthday
00:05:58one to tell me that she won 2,200 euros at the lottery
00:06:02and one to tell me that to uncle Rino
00:06:04our car stopped right on the passage at the level of 16
00:06:09He left the car there
00:06:11and the Intercity of 21 took it
00:06:14in full
00:06:19And now, my treasure
00:06:21if a car has been overturned by the train
00:06:23go, where Giacinta lit up
00:06:26Giacinta was a girl who ruled the pigs
00:06:29and one evening she saw a great light that almost blinded her
00:06:31in fact, it blinded her
00:06:33she turned three or four of them
00:06:35She, as a good Catholic, took it as a sign of God
00:06:37and became a nun
00:06:39Then it was discovered that it had been a laser beam
00:06:41aimed badly at the Xeno disco of Montevacchi
00:06:44Irony of fate, the convent where she is now
00:06:47is 200 meters from Coccorico to Riccione
00:06:50Come on, good, come on, good
00:06:53You're almost there
00:06:55Now put your head where Achille sleeps
00:06:59Eh, no, eh?
00:07:03Achille was the fiercest dog in Anghiari and around
00:07:06He also bit himself
00:07:08But no one had ever understood
00:07:10why he almost hypnotized himself
00:07:12in front of the songs of Lucio Dalla
00:07:14Dog barks
00:07:16Dog barks
00:07:18There is a little house like this
00:07:20With many colored windows
00:07:23And a little girl like this
00:07:25With inside a dream to realize
00:07:28My love, you must not be well
00:07:30This life, the chain
00:07:32Sometimes it hurts a little
00:07:34Watch out for the wolf
00:07:36Di di di di di di
00:07:38Watch out for the wolf
00:07:40Di di di di di di
00:07:44Di di di di di
00:07:48I'll wait for you where we gave each other
00:07:50The first love kiss
00:08:14Music
00:08:28Mariano
00:08:30Many congratulations to us
00:08:32Music
00:08:36To my wife
00:08:38Music
00:08:56Let's go Mimmi
00:08:58Today the offer is bags of garbage
00:09:00I give you 43 euros
00:09:02I give you complete
00:09:04You have to put your finger in it
00:09:06Welcome to La Giustina
00:09:08I have everything signed
00:09:10Even the change
00:09:12Come come
00:09:14The best shoes in the area
00:09:16Why miss shoes?
00:09:18I have it
00:09:20All you want
00:09:22I have it
00:09:24Mariano, last night I did a Macedonian
00:09:26It was also that job
00:09:28Thank you Mrs. Bugliani
00:09:30Instead of me with that papaya
00:09:32You gave me
00:09:34The papaya
00:09:42What does it mean?
00:09:48Prince Zampaglione
00:09:54Zampaglione, go away
00:09:56Go away
00:10:00Take it, take it
00:10:02Zampaglione, don't you dare come here
00:10:04Go away, go away
00:10:06The new TV from Croatia
00:10:08Come Zampaglione, if you take me to Don Pierino
00:10:10I'll give you a beautiful night
00:10:12Let me do it from Don Pierino, there is a whole trip
00:10:14I'll give you a beautiful night
00:10:16Yes, throw it away, come I'll fry it in the pan
00:10:18Miranda, let's go, run with me
00:10:20And leave that starving
00:10:22I have a hectare cultivated in Tartufi
00:10:24What do they have today?
00:10:26They all go back
00:10:28Love, they all go back
00:10:30Put it on the table
00:10:32Don't put it on
00:10:34He has it
00:10:36Everything I want
00:10:38He has it
00:10:42How is the pressure?
00:10:44It has burst
00:10:46What happens?
00:10:48Primitta
00:10:50Are you depressed?
00:10:52How are you today?
00:10:54Depressed?
00:10:56It's been two months since I left home
00:10:58I didn't even go to the marriage of the son of the mayor
00:11:00Or the son of the mayor
00:11:02Vice-mayor
00:11:04Let's hope
00:11:18Primitta, where is the bell to let it open?
00:11:20I don't remember
00:11:24The final ring is much longer
00:11:26I don't know
00:11:38Primitta, it's stuck
00:11:40What do I have to do?
00:11:42Here we are
00:11:44Good morning
00:11:46Radio school of Turin
00:11:48Perfect
00:11:50It's your fault
00:11:52Today I left home
00:11:54I left home
00:11:56And I went down to Pianerottolo
00:11:58But don't exaggerate
00:12:00Depression is fine
00:12:02But it's been six weeks since you celebrated the mass
00:12:04There are the old people of the country
00:12:06They want to emigrate
00:12:08And I said everything
00:12:10I received this letter from the Curia of Venice
00:12:12What letter?
00:12:14Let me see
00:12:16They want to do a check
00:12:18I spread my voice
00:12:20They want to replace me
00:12:22What does it say?
00:12:24The monsignor
00:12:26The monsignor wants to come here in two weeks
00:12:28If he doesn't find her in the church of the mass, they send her away
00:12:30They are right
00:12:32What?
00:12:34Let's go out
00:12:36It's a beautiful day
00:12:38Let's go out
00:12:42I lost my faith
00:12:44I know how to live
00:12:46It's possible to have it all black
00:12:48This is a positive thing
00:12:50It's a sign of God
00:12:52He wants her to stay with us
00:12:54It's simple
00:12:56Maybe I'll find her faith
00:12:58Follow me
00:13:00I want her
00:13:02We always followed her
00:13:04Now let's go for a walk
00:13:06Where are we going?
00:13:08To beat the balls
00:13:12Come, come
00:13:14Look how wonderful
00:13:16There are 85 square meters
00:13:18We have three windows
00:13:20One, two, three
00:13:22There is a nice bathroom
00:13:24On the right
00:13:26In front there is a bathroom with a toilet
00:13:28Here you can make a balcony
00:13:301.40 meters
00:13:32With its box
00:13:34You can see it later
00:13:36But be careful
00:13:38There is an offer
00:13:40A Chinese oven
00:13:42It's good
00:13:44In summer you can put fruit and vegetables
00:13:46In the open
00:13:48You can build a small wall
00:13:50The municipality does not allow it
00:13:52But then the government changes
00:13:54And we go to the end
00:13:56If they insist
00:13:58You tell the Tuscans
00:14:00There was a wall
00:14:02Go to see if there was
00:14:04There was
00:14:06Floor to choose
00:14:08Fruit on the right, vegetables on the left
00:14:10No, the opposite
00:14:12The opposite?
00:14:14Here we put a sofa
00:14:16You will ask yourself
00:14:18What is the use of a sofa?
00:14:20It is strategic
00:14:22Because the old ladies will come to buy
00:14:24Because they sit and rest
00:14:26They want 1.60
00:14:28Today there is an offer
00:14:301.40 and 1.50
00:14:32I do not understand
00:14:34How much does it cost?
00:14:36How much does it cost?
00:14:38You go to the store
00:14:40Love
00:14:4225,000 euros
00:14:44Another 15,000 can give my mother
00:14:46What 15,000?
00:14:48She said 20,000
00:14:50She started playing later
00:14:52What do you mean?
00:14:54Another 10,000
00:14:56No, no
00:14:58The roulette does not sell
00:15:00It is our little house at sea
00:15:02And if you take the tent?
00:15:04What tent?
00:15:06In the ground it is wet
00:15:08Love
00:15:10In life you have to take risks
00:15:12I understand
00:15:14You have to take risks
00:15:16They are the first
00:15:18But 150,000 euros
00:15:20They do not give
00:15:22The house is not owned
00:15:24There is only the van
00:15:26With a left slope
00:15:28There is also to boil
00:15:30And we call the Jolly
00:15:32Where do you call the Jolly?
00:15:34From where?
00:15:38From the Jolly
00:15:52Bettina
00:15:54Do you want to stop?
00:15:56I've been married for 10 years
00:16:08The sweet of your breath
00:16:10It's spring
00:16:12It will be because I love you
00:16:14A star falls
00:16:16But tell me where we are
00:16:18Who cares
00:16:20It will be because I love you
00:16:22And fly, fly, you know
00:16:24Always there
00:16:26I have a house next to the pond
00:16:28You have to go to the elder
00:16:30We are separated
00:16:32This time forever
00:16:34Here we are
00:16:36There is nothing
00:16:38We are out of enemies
00:16:42Hey tomato
00:16:44Did you bring the wig to test it in the sun?
00:16:46No, I'm preparing it
00:16:48I want to propose it to the bathroom
00:16:50Tonight we are all together
00:16:52It's not that there are all these alternatives
00:16:54Here in Hollywood, Miranda
00:16:56Maria, take the sausages for tonight
00:16:58Steak, sausage, roast
00:17:00Tonight, vegetarian dinner
00:17:02And your son?
00:17:04It's been two hours
00:17:06I don't know if it's him who inflates the sausage
00:17:08or the sausage that inflates him
00:17:10Hey, you don't have anything tonight
00:17:12A sausage?
00:17:14One
00:17:16When I talk to you, I feel like I'm with a baby
00:17:18But when you have money, you always fall
00:17:20It's always a matter of money
00:17:22So, I'll tell you just this
00:17:24And you talk about people with money
00:17:26John Travolta
00:17:28In his garden, two planes are parked
00:17:30I have a friend who parks it on the couch every weekend
00:17:32Who doesn't have it?
00:17:34Your mother-in-law
00:17:36leaves you the house
00:17:38and you park it on the couch
00:17:40Otherwise, why would you let her stay?
00:17:42Even in Dover, you let her stay
00:17:44The fact is that everyone has a price
00:17:46There's nothing to do
00:17:48If I had money
00:17:50you know what I would do?
00:17:52I would buy you
00:17:54He's right, guys
00:17:56I didn't want to tell you because
00:17:58I felt bad
00:18:00Did you see what Simonetta did to her?
00:18:02Who's Simonetta?
00:18:04My girlfriend, the hairdresser
00:18:06I don't give a fuck
00:18:08Look, he told me in private
00:18:10He even made me swear
00:18:12not to tell anyone
00:18:14He put the news on the bank
00:18:16Tell us who did it
00:18:18She went to dance with the sweet mammoth
00:18:20and a 50-year-old American approached her
00:18:22He looked at her and said
00:18:24What a beautiful mouth you have
00:18:26Would you like to come with me
00:18:28for 5,000 dollars?
00:18:30Are you kidding me?
00:18:32You should report him
00:18:34Yes, report him
00:18:36He took her by the hand
00:18:38and put her on the couch
00:18:40She's a hairdresser
00:18:42Otherwise, she wouldn't buy him
00:18:44She asked him in private
00:18:46Yes, she asked him in private
00:18:48and he gave her the money
00:18:50What's wrong with that?
00:18:52He took a shower and paid in private
00:18:54It's not like us
00:18:56Look at that mouth
00:18:58Alivino, Benedetta
00:19:00and you make me swear
00:19:02Wait, let's think about it
00:19:04We can talk about it
00:19:06So, you
00:19:08You're very clever
00:19:10I'll give you a shake
00:19:12The shake from Minnesota
00:19:14Minnesota
00:19:16Look at you
00:19:18I like you
00:19:20I want to sleep with you
00:19:22Thank God it's a shake
00:19:24Would you like to take
00:19:2650,000 dollars for your mouth?
00:19:30She's drunk
00:19:3450,000 dollars?
00:19:36No
00:19:38No, dear shake from Minnesota
00:19:40I don't want
00:19:42your 50,000 dollars
00:19:44for my mouth
00:19:46I don't want it
00:19:48So, let's say this shake
00:19:50has always had everything
00:19:52No one has ever said no
00:19:54She comes back and says
00:19:56Listen, beautiful shake
00:19:58I won't give you 50,000 dollars
00:20:00for your mouth
00:20:02How much do you give me?
00:20:04Let's hear it
00:20:06I want to know
00:20:10I'll give you 500,000
00:20:16So, we want to open it like a walnut
00:20:18The famous walnut
00:20:20So, do you want to give it to me
00:20:22or not?
00:20:30The walnut
00:20:32The walnut
00:20:40She's drunk
00:20:4250,000 dollars for the walnut
00:20:50So, what do you think?
00:20:54Answer this stupid Minnesota
00:21:04No, dear
00:21:06shake from Minnesota
00:21:08You have money to throw away
00:21:10but my mouth
00:21:12I won't give it to you
00:21:14Rent it
00:21:16No, the mouth can't be rented
00:21:18and it can't be downloaded
00:21:20Let's go to bed
00:21:22Guys, I'm telling you
00:21:24this Minnesota shake
00:21:26will never be found
00:21:28Anderson, come here
00:21:30She's drunk
00:21:32and she's taking this boiler to bed
00:21:34Is she going to bed?
00:21:36No
00:21:38Bye guys, good night
00:21:40Minnesota shake
00:21:42500,000 dollars
00:21:48I'll give you 35,000
00:21:50Martina, what does 35,000 have to do with it?
00:21:52I'll give you the TV
00:21:56Give me whatever you want
00:21:58with this light, the service will be terrible
00:22:00What does our Vittorino care?
00:22:02He's been to the Minnesota Caribbean
00:22:04But at least I did a good job
00:22:06Do you like to eat lately?
00:22:08You're fat
00:22:12Martina, apart from eating
00:22:14what do you like to do?
00:22:16Almost nothing
00:22:18I get bored of everything
00:22:20That's why I told you
00:22:22to agree
00:22:24I get bored too
00:22:26I don't like anything
00:22:36I don't like almost anything
00:22:42Fruits?
00:22:46In front
00:22:48The van
00:22:50Behind
00:22:52The umbrella
00:22:54Underneath
00:22:56The counter
00:23:04Much better than Garibaldi
00:23:16Would you believe me if I told you this is not a model?
00:23:20She has a bank on the market
00:23:22She wakes up at 6 in the morning
00:23:24and sells fruits all day
00:23:26I took this picture of her
00:23:28Explosive
00:23:30In fact, it's something different
00:23:32If we do the next calendar with her
00:23:34we'll despise everyone
00:23:36Can you imagine the advertising?
00:23:38We'll send it to all the talk shows
00:23:40The sexiest woman in Italy
00:23:42sells fruits
00:23:44It's not a woman, it's a football player's girlfriend
00:23:46Identification of the very normal people
00:23:48And they shoot 100,000 copies
00:23:50At first press
00:23:52I thought a lot about it
00:23:54but then I was convinced
00:23:56Now it's only an economic question
00:23:58Tell me how much I have to offer you
00:24:00and I'll bring you 12 shots of heart attack
00:24:02Easy, easy with the words
00:24:04I've already had three bypasses
00:24:08Honey
00:24:10Honey, are you there?
00:24:12Your uncle left us two red fish
00:24:14before he died
00:24:16He says they're like us
00:24:18They're always attached
00:24:20Honey, we have to feed these fish
00:24:22They're not like us
00:24:24They make me fall in love
00:24:26Here, take it
00:24:30Those who look, look at the bag
00:24:32It's not food
00:24:34It's the bread of the angels
00:24:36If I give it to you, you'll get up
00:24:38and you'll become a pig
00:24:40Honey
00:24:42Where are you honey?
00:24:44Where are you?
00:24:46I'm here
00:24:48Honey
00:24:50Honey
00:24:52What's wrong?
00:24:56What's this sign?
00:25:00Let go
00:25:0650,000 euros
00:25:0850,000 euros
00:25:10I don't have that much
00:25:12I don't have that much
00:25:14I want to make a calendar
00:25:16all nude
00:25:18covered in fruit
00:25:20It says I'm totally photogenic
00:25:22And who's going to give you this money?
00:25:24Andrea
00:25:26An elegant photographer
00:25:28who speaks in English
00:25:30I don't understand a shit
00:25:32Anyway, he says if I accept
00:25:34I can keep it
00:25:36Come here
00:25:38I'll be your daughter in three days
00:25:40A calendar covered in fruit?
00:25:42It's for the newspaper
00:25:44Beautiful Life
00:25:46They were looking for a normal person
00:25:48to make a calendar
00:25:50and they chose me
00:25:52Yes, I understand
00:25:54But normal people
00:25:56and honest people don't have all that
00:25:58Honey, look
00:26:00This is my cell phone
00:26:02Talk to me
00:26:0450,000 euros
00:26:06I'm going to sleep
00:26:14Yes, hello?
00:26:16Yes, I'm Mariano Lortolano
00:26:18husband of the photogenic wife
00:26:20Who is it? Andrea?
00:26:22Ah, hi, yes
00:26:24I was waiting for your call
00:26:26Yes, I called
00:26:28I bet you want to know more
00:26:30I don't understand
00:26:32February, March, April
00:26:34It's a calendar
00:26:36and every month has its season fruit
00:26:38But this calendar
00:26:40can't be made into a dress
00:26:42at least for the winter months
00:26:44Mr. Stupani
00:26:46Right
00:26:48I don't understand a shit
00:26:50but it's right
00:26:52But do you know what we say here in Tuscany?
00:26:54When the wife takes off her clothes
00:26:56she lights up in everyone's desire
00:26:58Wow, maybe
00:27:00We don't have time to think about it
00:27:02I'll call you back on Friday
00:27:04I have to go now
00:27:06Say hi to your wife
00:27:08and don't worry
00:27:10a calendar is not a betrayal
00:27:12but a business
00:27:14Well, what did he say?
00:27:16What did he say?
00:27:18What?
00:27:20He said the same things he said to you
00:27:22It's true
00:27:24he doesn't speak English
00:27:26and he didn't shave
00:27:28but a calendar is not a betrayal
00:27:30It's a business
00:27:32He said the same things to me
00:27:34He said the same things to me
00:27:36The fruit is all naked
00:27:40without even a scarf
00:27:58It's true
00:28:28It's true
00:28:30It's true
00:28:56Better like this
00:29:00Better like this
00:29:04I usually put it here
00:29:06Thank you, goodbye
00:29:08Bye
00:29:10How are you?
00:29:12What are you doing? You know how to do it
00:29:14I can do it
00:29:16You know how to dance
00:29:18Give me a calendar
00:29:20Give me a calendar
00:29:22calendar
00:29:24calendar
00:29:26Hi Mariano
00:29:28Hi Cicarelli, how are you?
00:29:30It's a Christian family
00:29:32Give me a calendar
00:29:34What do you mean calendar?
00:29:36Cicarelli, you can go with the kids
00:29:38A Pokemon
00:29:40Thank you, sign it
00:29:42Give me a calendar
00:29:44You too with the naked women
00:29:46Why? Do you sell a lot?
00:29:48A lot?
00:29:50It's not a sale, it's a censorship
00:29:52I know the exact number of these
00:29:54and there are a lot
00:29:56Sign it
00:29:58Christian family?
00:30:00I read it
00:30:26Stop!
00:30:28Stop!
00:30:30Stop!
00:30:32Stop!
00:30:34Stop!
00:30:36Sorry, I didn't do it on purpose
00:30:38Are you stupid?
00:30:40You hurt me
00:30:42Baccano, you suck
00:30:44You do it for fun
00:30:46You are an amateur company
00:30:48There is a limit of good taste
00:30:50You are not dancing
00:30:52You are losing your dignity
00:30:54Listen, director
00:30:56There was always Mariano
00:30:58If there is no Mariano
00:31:00I'll do the same
00:31:02I have no words
00:31:04No words?
00:31:06That's enough
00:31:08But
00:31:10The money
00:31:12You have it
00:31:18They always laugh
00:31:20I think they are stupid
00:31:22Let him lose
00:31:24What's going on?
00:31:26What's going on?
00:31:28You have to be careful
00:31:30Baccano
00:31:32Baccano is like a missile
00:31:34Guys, I can't take it anymore
00:31:36Too many dancers
00:31:38We can't do Frankestein
00:31:40I'll do the monster
00:31:42You have to trust her
00:31:44What is it?
00:31:46Another lover
00:31:48Go
00:31:50I'll call the taxman
00:31:52You too
00:31:54She is a pig
00:31:56Why?
00:31:58Why pig?
00:32:00Why did you say pig?
00:32:02Because I passed it
00:32:04I don't know
00:32:06Why did I say pig?
00:32:08It's a model
00:32:10They made her a calendar
00:32:12Maybe they gave her a lot of money
00:32:14What does a pig have to do with it?
00:32:16She is a rich pig
00:32:18You are a provincial
00:32:20You always comment
00:32:22on these professionals
00:32:26We are in the 3000
00:32:28In the 3000?
00:32:30Did I miss something?
00:32:32No, I mean close to the 3000
00:32:34It seems that
00:32:36a man can say
00:32:38a woman can't say
00:32:40a man can speak
00:32:42a woman can't listen
00:32:44a man can speak
00:32:46a woman can listen
00:32:48and speak
00:32:50It's not that I don't trust
00:32:52this calendar
00:32:54Who made it?
00:32:56Where does it come from?
00:32:58But I think
00:33:00you should
00:33:02at some point
00:33:04open your mind
00:33:10You know I'd open it this year
00:33:12Don't tell me
00:33:14I vaguely guessed
00:33:16from your look
00:33:18See you next week
00:33:20Bye
00:33:22Put some butter
00:33:24It's bad for you
00:33:26It's better than nothing
00:33:28Put some oil
00:33:30I would, but it's better than nothing
00:33:32We are on July
00:33:34Love, the calendar test went wrong
00:33:36Very bad
00:33:44Love, don't be angry
00:33:46But I had to make this decision
00:33:48So I thought about it
00:33:50I pushed myself
00:33:52and I came to a conclusion
00:33:54I want to do this calendar
00:33:56I want to put myself
00:33:58in the most absurd positions
00:34:00But, dear Mariano
00:34:02I want to do this calendar
00:34:04only for you
00:34:06Take the Polaroid I put you
00:34:08and run to the bathroom
00:34:15And let's do this calendar for 20 months
00:34:23Come on, until the last drop
00:34:29Let's take the Polaroid now
00:34:31and I'll put it in the calendar
00:34:35Run, run, run
00:34:37Come on, come on
00:34:39Let's do it now
00:34:45Open it, open it
00:34:51Here we are
00:35:11Listen, love
00:35:13I'm a bit drunk
00:35:15and you know that I don't drink champagne
00:35:17But when I pass out
00:35:19we could go
00:35:21to our bed
00:35:23and get drunk
00:35:25and have a nice baby
00:35:27I already have the names in my head
00:35:29So
00:35:31If it's a girl
00:35:33it's called Aurora
00:35:35If it's a boy
00:35:37Tramonto
00:35:39Tramonto
00:35:41It's not a name, Tramonto
00:35:43How not? It's beautiful
00:35:45It's the name of the land, the name of the people
00:35:47I have at least 6 kitchens
00:35:49and they're called Tramonto
00:35:51But nobody is called Tramonto
00:35:53Come on, come on, let's do it
00:35:55It's beautiful, just like its name
00:35:57Tramonto
00:36:01Aurora and Tramonto
00:36:03And after love, it's all there
00:36:11Tramonto
00:36:19It's a girl
00:36:41Do you still like your godmother at your age?
00:36:43Love, I do it to sell her
00:36:45I give her sympathy to sell her
00:36:47Miranda, Miranda
00:36:49What a pear you have this morning
00:36:51Listen, she's a poet
00:36:53She's Hungarian
00:36:55She's two months old
00:36:57Should I give her some money
00:36:59or are you a hermetic too?
00:37:01I give it to your wife
00:37:03She's like Luxembourg
00:37:05She's not a woman
00:37:07She's a tax haven
00:37:11Excuse me
00:37:13How much are these cherries?
00:37:15These are special
00:37:17They're sweeter than refined sugar
00:37:19And how much is this refined sugar?
00:37:21Well, Mariano
00:37:23Look who's here
00:37:25Who's here?
00:37:27It's the insurance period
00:37:29and you saw Fendetta in the van
00:37:31So, look, I'll explain to you how it went
00:37:33No, no, it's good that you know
00:37:35So, the facts are like this
00:37:37That scoundrel from here, La Freccia
00:37:39Baccano!
00:37:41When did La Freccia arrive?
00:37:43Who, Bischero della Carta?
00:37:45Yes, him
00:37:47La Freccia arrived after Stolfo
00:37:49What did I tell you?
00:37:51We're ready to testify in court
00:37:53There's no need for us to go to court
00:37:55It's better, it's better
00:37:57So, let's make a deal
00:37:59In these cases, you say
00:38:01Yes, I said yes
00:38:03In these cases, you say
00:38:05Yes, I said yes
00:38:07I'm sorry to have brought you here
00:38:09You could have called us
00:38:11We could have told you everything
00:38:13So, if you've decided that the calendar
00:38:15can't be done, go and get the lady
00:38:17Because, look, I'm telling you
00:38:19It would be convenient for us
00:38:21because 50,000 dindini are not few
00:38:23But we're ashamed
00:38:25to be naked in the fruit
00:38:27So, we're ashamed
00:38:29We can't do it
00:38:31I'm sorry to have brought you here
00:38:33If you want two peaches, two plums
00:38:35But we can't do it
00:38:37Miranda, are you really sure
00:38:39you don't want to do the calendar?
00:38:41No, she doesn't accept
00:38:43She doesn't accept, Miranda
00:38:45Yes, I'm really sorry
00:38:47but I really
00:38:49I mean, I
00:38:51She's so nice
00:38:53but I can't do it
00:38:55I can't do it
00:38:57It's not a matter of money
00:38:59It's a problem
00:39:01I'm ashamed
00:39:03So, if it's not a matter of money
00:39:05I'll go
00:39:07It's a shame
00:39:09No, it's a shame
00:39:11because you could have spent a week
00:39:13at Seychelles
00:39:15This is the location they chose for the photos
00:39:17Nice, nice, nice place
00:39:19By the way, just for information
00:39:21The owner of the newspaper
00:39:23had raised the price
00:39:27And just for information
00:39:29the owner of the newspaper
00:39:31How much would he have given us
00:39:33just for information?
00:39:37I'll write it here
00:39:39Write it here
00:39:41Just for information
00:39:43Just out of curiosity
00:39:45Nice
00:39:47Miranda
00:39:49Where is the parsley?
00:40:01I don't know
00:40:31I don't know
00:40:33I don't know
00:40:35I don't know
00:40:37I don't know
00:40:39I don't know
00:40:41I don't know
00:40:43I don't know
00:40:45I don't know
00:40:47I don't know
00:40:49I don't know
00:40:51I don't know
00:40:53I don't know
00:40:55I don't know
00:40:57I don't know
00:40:59I don't know
00:41:23Miranda
00:41:25Please
00:41:27Listen, let's do this. I'll count to three.
00:41:31And when I count to three, I'll throw the coin down.
00:41:34Come on. One, two, three.
00:41:38THE FISHERMAN
00:41:56Well? What's with the faces?
00:42:01You were all used to it.
00:42:03THE FISHERMAN
00:42:07You know, there are fish in the Seychelles.
00:42:09There are fish, there are fish, there are fish.
00:42:11In the middle of nowhere.
00:42:13You can find everything. Fish, turtles, paradise.
00:42:19I have a question. Here in the Seychelles,
00:42:21do you have fog?
00:42:22What's fog?
00:42:23Fog is a chemical reaction between the sky and the earth.
00:42:26I don't know how to explain it.
00:42:27I only know that when there's fog, you get a bruise.
00:42:30And what color is it?
00:42:31Fog has a color.
00:42:32What do you mean?
00:42:33No, fog doesn't have a color.
00:42:35Fog is like a low, low cloud.
00:42:38If it has a color, it's a low, low cloud.
00:42:41No.
00:42:42And what flavor does it have?
00:42:43What flavor does it have? It doesn't have a flavor, you know.
00:42:46It has the flavor of smog.
00:42:49What's smog?
00:42:50You know, you ask me so many questions.
00:42:52You think I'm a four-year-old grandson.
00:42:54Fuck me. And when I asked you...
00:42:57Shit!
00:43:00What happened?
00:43:02Typical attack of a little squirrel.
00:43:03A little squirrel? Get on the bike, Said. Get on the bike.
00:43:06Hurry up, Said. He's going to eat us.
00:43:09Come on. Come on.
00:43:10How do I get on? How do I get on?
00:43:12Get on the bike.
00:43:13Shit, Said. I was better at school.
00:43:17What a pain in the ass.
00:43:20Why did you throw all this fruit away when it's over?
00:43:23Well, because I have croissants, and they're 150 euros worth of stuff.
00:43:26It's a shame.
00:43:27If I was that far away, I would have taken it away.
00:43:29Keep going, keep going, keep talking.
00:43:32You become more natural when you talk.
00:43:34And I'm just giving you the pineapple. You could have peeled it.
00:43:36You're scratching my back.
00:43:39Hey, Said, but on these little bikes,
00:43:40can you go in two or do they take your points from your license?
00:43:43I got my license with an exam, not with points.
00:43:45Yeah, well, we didn't get it.
00:43:47Let's hope they don't take us to the police.
00:43:48We're here, Barbetta.
00:43:50This is a small local trattoria.
00:43:52Here, in the tourist area, you can eat a lot better and pay a lot less.
00:43:56I get it, but it's not like there are strange microbes.
00:43:58Even the water tells you to drink only that, it's good for you.
00:44:02Ah, you're all fucked up to sell more medicine to Europeans. Let's go.
00:44:05It seems strange. The water is the worst water.
00:44:07Let's go.
00:44:08Well done, Miranda. You're really starting to melt.
00:44:11Did you see that in the end he was right not to bring Mariano on the set?
00:44:14He wouldn't have been so upset, would he?
00:44:16Honestly, it would have been more difficult.
00:44:19In the end, all you have to do is post it in the papers with ridiculous faces.
00:44:22I'm sorry to ask you, but why did you marry such a young man?
00:44:26And then, let's be honest, with a man who...
00:44:29You're not exactly the same age, are you?
00:44:30Who, Mariano?
00:44:31There's a 12-year age difference.
00:44:34And then he hates it. He's more of a boy than I am.
00:44:36We've known each other since I was little.
00:44:38We used to go camping together.
00:44:40We still do, by the way.
00:44:42He used to suck on my vagina.
00:44:44I was already in love with him.
00:44:46I was all dried up, with long, long lines.
00:44:49One day, he says to me,
00:44:50Miranda, if you put a leaf of gold on your head,
00:44:53you'll make me a spy.
00:44:55I got goosebumps.
00:44:56I kicked him in the balls, he was so strong.
00:44:59He bent over, and I took the opportunity to kiss him.
00:45:01I was eight years old.
00:45:05Don't you mind doing the job you do?
00:45:06After all, you're always a woman.
00:45:08Why?
00:45:09I work out in the morning.
00:45:10Instead of going to the gym, the ladies do it for me.
00:45:13I go to the market and run away in the evening.
00:45:15If it's true that you're like that, you're a fantastic woman.
00:45:19Fantastic?
00:45:21Excuse me, Barbetta, but I don't understand.
00:45:24Why can't you build a small support bench in Muratura?
00:45:28Then, all of a sudden, with a condom like that.
00:45:30What's a condom?
00:45:31You know, if you don't get it,
00:45:33we in Italy know the rules.
00:45:35Explain.
00:45:36I can't build, but I'll build.
00:45:39But if you can't...
00:45:40You know, I said, let me build.
00:45:42You want it or not, this small support bench in Muratura?
00:45:44I want it.
00:45:45So, build it.
00:45:47But I can't.
00:45:48Good, the trick is all there.
00:45:49You can't, but you can build.
00:45:51Also because, all of a sudden, you get a condom.
00:45:54All of a sudden?
00:45:56All of a sudden, you get a condom, you pay and you have a support bench.
00:46:03You know what?
00:46:04The Italians are crazy.
00:46:06I like it.
00:46:07What the fuck are you laughing at?
00:46:09There's nothing to laugh at.
00:46:10Say another one.
00:46:11Say another one?
00:46:12Yes.
00:46:14Do you want to know?
00:46:15Yes.
00:46:17Smooth.
00:46:20Help me, Andrea.
00:46:21It's been two hours and I'm wet.
00:46:23It's all sun, what's the point?
00:46:25To be sexier.
00:46:26You know what a piece of shit I am.
00:46:28And I've always used it for the beans.
00:46:32Miranda.
00:46:33Now you have to give me your best.
00:46:35Take out some of that pepper's aros.
00:46:39What do I do with it?
00:46:40I don't know, look at them, kiss them, lick them.
00:46:44Crazy.
00:46:45Who tells you this stuff is sexy?
00:46:47I know some things.
00:46:49I know some things that you don't know.
00:46:51Then I'll repeat it more slowly.
00:46:53For example, Mustafa,
00:46:55you buy a house, pay for the house and the house is yours.
00:46:59And up to here?
00:47:00And up to here.
00:47:01Here, from us, the house is yours,
00:47:04but every year you have to pay taxes on your house.
00:47:07Ici.
00:47:08Ici, bravo.
00:47:09But be careful, because if you die...
00:47:11It could happen, right?
00:47:13Touching balls, but it could happen.
00:47:15If you die, double the damage.
00:47:17Because if you die, you'll have to keep paying.
00:47:23But Moti, you don't have to pay.
00:47:25In Italy, yes.
00:47:26It's called a succession fee.
00:47:28Like a bank loan?
00:47:29No, a loan is when you ask for money from the bank.
00:47:32And how does it work?
00:47:33How does it work? Again, I've already explained it to you.
00:47:35So, if you want money from the bank,
00:47:38they give you money and do you a favour,
00:47:40and that money is worth 7 or 8%.
00:47:43If you instead have your money
00:47:44and put it in a bank account,
00:47:46you do a favour to the bank,
00:47:48but you don't know why,
00:47:49at which point the money is worth 1 or 1.5%.
00:47:52So, you're the third world?
00:47:56But, excuse me, life in Italy is simple.
00:47:59You go to the bank, rob and run away.
00:48:02And if someone wants to take you,
00:48:04you wait for the condolence.
00:48:05No, that's not called a condolence.
00:48:08That's called an indulgence.
00:48:12So, Don Cherino, today is Thursday.
00:48:14On Sunday, the Vatican will come
00:48:17to check if you're there.
00:48:19If they can't find you,
00:48:20they'll close the church, the barracks and the burattini,
00:48:23and they'll call a substitute from the Chinese region.
00:48:26All right?
00:48:26A Chinese substitute?
00:48:27Yes, he even has spare parts for when he's ill.
00:48:30Come on, Don Pierino, stop joking.
00:48:32Do it for us, faithful.
00:48:33We've always been there for you.
00:48:35Who's going to marry me? Don Pierino.
00:48:37Who baptized all our children? Don Pierino.
00:48:40Who's going to give a stick to Calocio
00:48:41when I'm in church?
00:48:42Always Don Pierino.
00:48:44Because you know us, men of Surasca.
00:48:46Don't abandon us.
00:48:47You have to swear to me
00:48:49that on Sunday, you'll come to church and say Mass.
00:48:51You have to swear to me.
00:48:54I'll see you at Mass.
00:48:55But remember,
00:48:57I won't be there.
00:48:59I'll see you,
00:49:00but I won't be there.
00:49:01But I'll see you.
00:49:04Eh?
00:49:14THE MASS ACTIVITY
00:49:18Jesus was led by his spirit into the desert
00:49:21to be tempted by the Devil,
00:49:23and after having fasted forty days and forty nights,
00:49:26he was hungry.
00:49:27The tempter had a conversation with him and said to him,
00:49:30If you are the Son of God,
00:49:31say that these stones will become bread.
00:49:34He answered him,
00:49:35I will write down not just bread and pepper to man,
00:49:39but all the words that come out of the mouth of God.
00:49:42Then the devil took him with him to the holy city,
00:49:45placed him on the highest pentacle of the temple, and said to him...
00:49:49Why this useless music?
00:49:51The church is not only a desert,
00:49:54but the parish is your own.
00:49:55...they will hug you with their hands,
00:49:57so that you will not have to fight against a stone on your feet.
00:50:01Jesus then said to him...
00:50:06Jesus then said to him...
00:50:10Jesus then said to him...
00:50:13Jesus then said to him...
00:50:15Oh God, he stopped even today!
00:50:21Jesus then said to him...
00:50:23Dear tempter, we are tempted by many things, but they are only temptations.
00:50:29And if I shut up, you will shut up too.
00:50:32You shut up!
00:50:34This is what Don Pierino wants to tell us with his silence.
00:50:37This is news to you.
00:50:38And anyway, dear faithful, Don Pierino wants to put us to the test.
00:50:44The news of this Sunday is the mass...
00:50:48inter... inter...
00:50:51What is he saying?
00:50:51...that interacts, that is, between us and him, him and us.
00:50:57Oh, Bacchanus, what a tempest, what did you drink this morning?
00:51:01Shut up, sinner!
00:51:02Because there could be people who are attending this kind of mass for the first time.
00:51:10And they will ask themselves...
00:51:12What is he doing? Is he going up?
00:51:13He went up.
00:51:14Why?
00:51:16Who... who... who is he?
00:51:19Where... where are we?
00:51:21Here we are.
00:51:23Now he has a big problem.
00:51:25He thought, our Lord, in front of the evil one.
00:51:30Really evil.
00:51:31And anyway, dear brothers, let's finish our wonderful interactive mass...
00:51:38as Don Pierino wants, singing and praising the Lord.
00:51:42Pomodoro, a fine singer, earns the altar.
00:51:45Go.
00:51:46Tussibaldi, run to the instrument.
00:51:48What instrument?
00:51:49The piano, press the keys.
00:51:51And what do I do?
00:51:52Do a slow song.
00:51:54Fast, come on.
00:51:55Slow or fast?
00:51:57Do it fast and do it slow.
00:51:58I'll do it slow.
00:51:59Here it is. Do it slow.
00:52:00Do it slow.
00:52:01Do it slow from the church.
00:52:02Wait a minute.
00:52:03Let's do it slow.
00:52:04Do it slow.
00:52:05Here it is.
00:52:26Here, we were missing the heat.
00:52:29I've never heard this Anglo-Saxon song.
00:52:32I don't remember.
00:52:33I think so.
00:52:34I don't remember where, but I've heard it.
00:53:03You love me, oh, Sandy.
00:53:09Oh, Sandy, baby.
00:53:13Sandy, when the school is gone.
00:53:19Somehow, someway.
00:53:23What will we be?
00:53:25What will we be?
00:53:27I must understand if I agree or not with these modern methods of serving the Lord.
00:53:31If the results are this.
00:53:33It seems to me to be television.
00:53:35It's just missing the darkness.
00:53:37For you, the Christmas mass continues.
00:53:40Oh, Sandy.
00:53:44When all is gone.
00:53:46All alone.
00:53:48I wish and wonder why, oh why.
00:53:54You left me.
00:53:56Oh, Sandy.
00:54:01Sandy.
00:54:06Sandy.
00:54:26Sandy.
00:54:31Sandy.
00:54:36Sandy.
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