BC-BM-HM-BP (Cow blooper), 12/2/59
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00:00Jane Meadows and I've Got a Secret.
00:05I've Got a Secret starring Gary Moore.
00:18And how very nice it is to have Miss Jane back tonight and she has a truly momentous secret to show you a little later on in the show.
00:25Meanwhile, let's welcome our regulars, let's meet the members of our panel.
00:30Bill Cullen and Betsy Palmer and Henry Morgan and Bess Meyerson and that's the bunch.
00:45You know, panel, I have forgotten how Jane laughed. How does it go again?
00:50Yes, at the end of everything, it's just delightful.
00:52Isn't it wonderful?
00:53I heard you doing it and I knew I'd heard it.
00:54She said, I mean, it's the new Jane tonight. I asked her where the chandelier earrings are and she said, it's the new Jane.
00:58But she went, whoop!
01:00Yes, it's our Jane.
01:02Now, before we meet our first contestant, there's one piece of old business.
01:06Last week, our special guest, Marion Lorne, decided that the panel should have a fair chance to guess her secret.
01:12And we told the panel that they had to keep on playing the game until they figured Marion's secret out, even if it took all night.
01:18Well, when we went off the air, the panel was still asking questions.
01:22Our studio audience was prepared to sit here half the night if necessary.
01:26But you fooled us. Indeed, you did.
01:29You'd be interested to know that you spent a total of only 15 minutes asking questions before you guessed it.
01:34Now, we made a tape recording of the game from the time that we went off the air.
01:39Now, you had established the secret was going to cost you money.
01:43And then Bill Cullen picked it up, rolled the tape, Frank Heller, and let's listen.
01:47Is it more than a dollar?
01:49I think so.
01:50More than five dollars?
01:51Yes.
01:52More than ten dollars?
01:53How much is it?
01:58More than ten dollars?
02:01I'm going to have to lend you money again.
02:04Is it more than 20 dollars, Miss Lorne?
02:0620 dollars.
02:0720 dollars.
02:08We are going to...
02:09All right, so we go to Betsy, who I think has it.
02:12Are we going to pay for someone a salary of some sort?
02:18Are we paying to have you here this evening?
02:20Oh, the $80. The $80. The $80.
02:22The $80 that we're paying to you.
02:25You're paying the $80.
02:27You're paying the $80.
02:36Well, that was it. The panel had to pay Marianne Lorne the $80 prize money,
02:41and each of them after the show forked over $20.
02:43Now, Bill, you asked a question, which was audible on the tape.
02:47You said, is this deductible?
02:49So I consulted a tax expert, and he said that you could deduct it
02:54if you want to cheat the government.
02:57Since you were not forced to pay the $20, you could have refused.
03:01There's nothing in your contract saying that you have to pay out any prize money.
03:05Consequently, it is not a necessary business expense,
03:08but you can go ahead and deduct it.
03:10If you have no scruples.
03:12You know what, Gary?
03:13What?
03:14I put the wrong bank down.
03:16Well, that solves your problem right there, doesn't it?
03:19I really truly did, so I will send you a check, a real one.
03:22All you have to worry about is embezzlement now, dear,
03:25you're out in the clear.
03:26I borrowed the money from Henry.
03:28You borrowed it from Henry?
03:29So Henry's $40 in the hole.
03:31Well, with that out of the way...
03:32Go ahead, make it all over.
03:34With that out of the way, then,
03:36let's welcome our first quite fascinating contestant.
03:39Will you come in, sir?
03:47Would you tell our panel, please, what your name is and where you're from?
03:50Edwin Busby, commissaryman, first class,
03:53Bayside, Virginia.
03:54This is Mr. Busby.
03:56B-U-S-B-E.
03:57Yes, Henry.
03:59Fell off a boat.
04:01This is not the fellow who fell off the boat.
04:03I read about him, and this is not the fellow who fell off the boat.
04:06Oh, Henry.
04:07But let us not be too frivolous about Mr. Busby.
04:10I would like you and our audience to know
04:12that he has recently earned an award,
04:14which is normally presented at ceremonies at a naval station.
04:18Now, when we heard about this award,
04:20we asked the Navy if they would like to make the presentation on our program,
04:24and they agreed.
04:25It is traditional for this award to be presented by an admiral,
04:29and we're honored tonight to have with us
04:31Rear Admiral Hugh Haynesworth,
04:33Commanding Officer, Naval Supply Center,
04:36United States Naval Base, Norfolk, Virginia,
04:38who is here to make the presentation.
04:40Admiral Haynesworth.
04:42Very kind of you, indeed, to stop by for this important ceremony,
04:46and I'll ask you now if you will proceed with the ceremony.
04:48With great pleasure, Gary.
04:51Petty Officer Edmund Busby,
04:53it is a great honor to present you with this award,
04:57which is emblematic of the highest Navy standards of personal achievement.
05:02Your exemplary action in overcoming the most difficult challenges
05:07Your exemplary action in overcoming the most formidable challenges conceivable
05:13provides a source of pride and inspiration to all Navy men.
05:18You are to be commended for the initiative, skill, and dedication
05:22which were evident in your attainment of this coveted award.
05:26On behalf of the United States Navy,
05:29I take pleasure in presenting this trophy
05:32for your great contribution to the welfare and morale of the American sailor.
05:37Congratulations and well done.
05:50Let's put that pretty thing right down there.
05:52Boy, what a beautiful thing.
05:54You ought to be very proud, as I'm sure you are.
05:56I am, very much.
05:57It's a magnificent trophy.
05:58Will you tell our audience now what you did to earn it?
06:01Well, that's my secret, Gary.
06:03Well, that's your secret.
06:05All right, if you'll whisper your secret to me,
06:07we'll show it to the folks at home.
06:20Panel, it concerns something that Mr. Busby did,
06:23and we'll start the questioning with Bill, please.
06:25Mr. Busby, the thing you did,
06:27was it the kind of a thing that normally a man
06:30that holds your rank in the Navy might do?
06:34I think the normal fellow of his rank might not accomplish this.
06:38Would it more normally, and excuse the question,
06:40it's just because I know the way the tenor of this show takes,
06:43would it more normally, sir, be done by a lady?
06:47Not especially, no.
06:49Did it have anything to do with your commissary job, food, as it were?
06:52Yes.
06:53Have to do with...
06:54$20 down and $60 to go, and we go to Miss Betsy.
06:57Better explain, Gary, why Bill knows that it's commissary.
07:02Bill, why do you know it's commissary?
07:04Because at the beginning of the show, he identified himself
07:06as a petty officer in a commissary department.
07:09Didn't you, please say you did, because the way things are now...
07:14The answer is...
07:15The first reason Bill was listening and you weren't.
07:17Oh.
07:18There you go.
07:19That's the nicest answer I ever heard.
07:22All right, now he identified himself as such.
07:24Now Betsy.
07:25Is this something, some improvement that you made on food
07:28so that it would be to the betterment of your fellow sailors?
07:34Yes.
07:37Is it something that helps them...
07:40Is it something to keep them from getting seasick
07:42or to eat while they are seasick?
07:44Eat while you're seasick?
07:46Has nothing to do with Maldemar.
07:48$40 down, $40 to go.
07:50Go now, Henry.
07:51Oh, no.
07:52I was just going to explain that, you know, there was a story
07:54about a man who fell overboard in San Diego.
07:57Yes, it was in time magazine.
07:58I miss...
07:59All right, I know.
08:00I'm just...
08:03$60 down and $20 to go, and we go to Best Meyerson.
08:07Yes.
08:08And what I was going to say was...
08:11You may if you like.
08:12Let me see.
08:14Ed, may I call you Ed?
08:15Did it have anything to do with cooking or preparing the food?
08:18Yes.
08:19And actual cooking of it.
08:21Did you create some special diet?
08:23No.
08:25Is it the amount of time you spent cooking it?
08:27No.
08:28What you cooked?
08:30Yes.
08:31Was it in a specific department?
08:33Meat or vegetable, something like that?
08:35Yes.
08:37All right, panel, we have blown it.
08:39Now, mind you, this is a serious award.
08:41It is made annually, and I would like to have...
08:44I'd like to read it to you.
08:46It says here,
08:47Operation Bean Soup,
08:49for concocting the best bean soup in the U.S. Navy.
09:01Mr. Busby holds a cook's rating.
09:03He submitted his recipe, and he won the annual competition
09:06that was open to all enlisted men and officers in the Navy
09:09stationed all over the world.
09:11It's an important event.
09:12As you saw, the award is traditionally presented by an admiral.
09:15Incidentally, anybody who wants the recipe
09:17gets your pad and pencil because we're about to have a go at it.
09:21We asked Mr. Busby to cook up some of his soup for you, panel,
09:24since we knew you wanted to taste this delightful epicurean creation.
09:27So will you open the curtains, please?
09:30Now, Mr. Busby, if you'll serve the soup to the panel,
09:33I'll ask that the recipe be flown in.
09:35There you go. You go serve the soup.
09:37And here comes the recipe.
09:42Do we write that down?
09:43You just go ahead and ignore it.
09:44I'll talk to the ladies out here.
09:46First, you soak two cups, or one pound, of Navy beans in water overnight.
09:51Enough water to cover the beans.
09:53Next morning, you drain and put the beans in three quarts of water.
09:57Add one and a half pounds of ham, the butt end,
10:00a half a teaspoon of celery salt,
10:02one eighth teaspoon of pepper,
10:04two teaspoons of salt,
10:06one teaspoon of monosodium glutamate,
10:10and cook approximately two and a half hours,
10:12or until the beans are tender.
10:15Then remove the ham and grind it.
10:17Add one medium minced onion to the soup.
10:20Cook approximately one half hour longer,
10:23or until the soup begins to thicken.
10:25Then put the ground ham back into the soup
10:27and serve immediately,
10:29garnishing it with dried parsley leaves
10:31and Parmesan cheese croutons.
10:33This serves six people.
10:35Panel, how's it taste?
10:37Excellent.
10:38Excellent. It's excellent. No joke.
10:40I want you to know that this young man has been here all day
10:43cooking that soup for you.
10:46Mr. Busby, congratulations.
10:48Your Winston and your money are waiting for you off stage,
10:51but certainly we want you to have your specials, I think.
10:55Thank you very much.
11:03Stay tuned. There's more Black and White Overnight coming right up.
11:07May we have our next contestant, please?
11:09Will you come in, sir?
11:17Will you tell our panel, please,
11:19what your name is, sir, and where you're from?
11:21Charles I. Blood.
11:25Kansas City, Missouri.
11:27This is Mr. Blood, and he is from Kansas City, Missouri.
11:30And by the way, panel, you might be interested to know
11:32that Mr. Blood writes a daily column for the Kansas City Star.
11:35Now, sir, if you'll whisper your secret to me,
11:37we will show it to those avid folk out there.
11:39Here we go.
11:50Panel, Mr. Blood's secret concerns something that he has done.
11:54We'll start the questioning, I think, with Bess, please.
11:57Mr. Blood, this thing that you did,
11:59did you do it when you were a young boy?
12:01No.
12:03A young adult.
12:04Sir, may I interject here?
12:06May I say that the secret as expressed
12:09is a continuing action, and part of it was
12:11when you were a young boy, wasn't it?
12:13Well, it...
12:15I know things that happened to me.
12:17It started when you were quite a young man.
12:19Yeah.
12:20Was this a physical thing?
12:22In other words, was there actual physical action involved?
12:26Nothing except, well, you...
12:29You were showing up for work, then.
12:32But it was a mental activity.
12:33Mental activity.
12:34Did it take place in Kansas City?
12:35Did it start there?
12:36Yeah.
12:38All right, $20 down, $60 to go.
12:40We go, please, to Bill Cullen.
12:42Mr. Blood, would we know today
12:46about what you did?
12:48You ought to be playing to everybody.
12:51If you lived in Kansas City, you would certainly know.
12:55Did it have anything to do with your work on the newspaper?
12:58Oh, yes.
13:01$40 down, $40 to go.
13:02Betsy Palmer, please.
13:03Mr. Blood, are you still doing what you did?
13:06Yes, ma'am.
13:07It has something to do with your column, then,
13:09that you write?
13:10Yes, ma'am.
13:11Is it something that...
13:16Well, is it the column that you have written,
13:19the same column?
13:20Is it the kind of column that we're looking for?
13:23No, that wouldn't be the...
13:25It has something to do with it.
13:27That is not the entire experience.
13:30$60 down, $20 to go.
13:31Henry Morgan, please.
13:32Well, is it something like this, Mr. Blood,
13:34that you have written this column every day
13:37for so many years?
13:39Yeah.
13:41Again, the column is part of a lengthier experience.
13:46The column itself was run for many years.
13:48All right.
13:49Then we'd have to know what kind of column, I imagine.
13:52No?
13:53Then is there another part?
13:55You have written the column
13:56and done something else every day for so many years.
13:59Well, of course, I've written a column only lately, and...
14:08Let's not give him any more information.
14:10Oops, careful, careful.
14:14Panel, I told you that Mr. Blood is a columnist
14:16for the Kansas City Star.
14:18His column is called 40 Years Ago Today.
14:20However, his column could be called 75 Years Ago Today
14:24because Mr. Blood has been working
14:26for the same newspaper for 75 years.
14:37Furthermore, he's still at it,
14:38and he goes to the office every single day
14:40and writes his column.
14:41Mr. Blood, may I ask how old you are, sir?
14:44I was 89 the last Wednesday.
14:49Last Wednesday.
14:52That means that he started working for the newspaper
14:56when he was 14 years old.
14:58What was the very first thing
14:59that you did for the newspaper, sir?
15:01Well, the very first thing I did was,
15:03prior to that even, was to sell papers on the street.
15:08Well, actually sell them on the street.
15:10Well, after that, Mr. Blood became a legman
15:12for a reporter, a copy boy, a reporter himself,
15:15eventually city editor.
15:17Mr. Blood, what are some of the memorable stories
15:19that you can recall having covered?
15:21Well, of course, the Spanish-American War
15:26and the San Francisco earthquake
15:31and the burning of Convention Hall.
15:36These things are no longer yesterday's newspaper story.
15:39These things are now history, are they not?
15:41Yeah, they are history now.
15:44I asked Mr. Blood early in the evening,
15:45I said, what is the biggest story?
15:46He said, you never know
15:47because when you cover the story,
15:49when you've been doing it for 75 years,
15:51you have no way of knowing
15:52how big it is eventually going to be.
15:54You cover it as your line of duty,
15:56go home, do your next day's work,
15:58and the first thing you know 25 years later,
16:00what was once that day's story is now history books.
16:05Mr. Blood's 75th anniversary of journalism
16:07was recently celebrated
16:08by the National Journalism Fraternity, Sigma Delta Chi,
16:12which incidentally is celebrating
16:13its own 50th anniversary this year.
16:16Mr. Blood, congratulations to you, sir.
16:18Your Winstons and your money
16:19will be waiting off stage for you.
16:21Many, many happy returns of the day.
16:23Thank you.
16:24Thank you very much.
16:25Thank you.
16:26Thank you.
16:33We had dinner together last night.
16:35He's a charming man.
16:36I just met him then.
16:37Panel, I'm going to have to ask you please
16:39to leave the premises.
16:40Do not take your blindfolds with you.
16:41We'll make it as brief as possible.
16:43I would like to have you meet our special guest.
16:45I can tonight say special with a special kind of emphasis
16:49because even though she has left our panel
16:51as of last spring to move to California
16:53with her husband, Steve Allen,
16:55it is a great joy to welcome back
16:57for tonight only, unfortunately, Jane Meadows.
17:08I will tell you in front of millions
17:11what I told you only to your own lonesome self
17:14when I first saw you this evening.
17:15I have never seen you look as well.
17:17Oh, Gary, you darling.
17:19Well, it's so nice to see you and everybody again
17:22and you look very well.
17:23Thank you.
17:24I'm reasonably pooped.
17:26You are coming next door with us after the show
17:28for the little reunion kind of get-together, aren't you?
17:30Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
17:31I'd love nothing better than to meet with the gang
17:33and reminisce over the seven years that I was on the show.
17:36You know, Gary, I remember everything about this show.
17:38I remember all the tricks that you pulled on me.
17:40I remember things like, let me see,
17:42I remember the night you had us learn to do the hula hoop.
17:45Yeah, we did that.
17:46And then I remember the night
17:47we tested those monstrous reducing machines.
17:50Yeah.
17:51There'll be a lot of things to talk about
17:52next door after the show,
17:53but I'm kind of worried about one thing.
17:55What's that?
17:56Uh, Bess Meyerson.
17:58You know, Bess may be a little lost at this party
18:00because, well, she's only been with us since last spring
18:03when you left and she missed out on some of the gags
18:06that we played on you and the rest of the panel.
18:08And it's a shame that she doesn't have
18:10the same happy memories, you know?
18:13Happy memories?
18:14Yes.
18:15I have a few happy memories of this show.
18:18I have one very happy memory.
18:19I don't know whether you remember or not
18:21the night you put a white mouse under my chair.
18:23Oh, sure.
18:24Wait a minute.
18:25Surprise.
18:26Okay.
18:27I remember the night that we had a snowball fight
18:29right up here on the stage.
18:30Yes.
18:31With imported snow.
18:32Yes.
18:33All those wild things that we used to do.
18:35You know, it's a shame for poor old Bess
18:37that she's missed out on all that fun.
18:39Well, we can remedy that very simply.
18:41Tonight you are going to give Bess an opportunity
18:44to catch up with the rest of the panel.
18:46Tonight...
18:47Gesundheit, madam.
18:49Tonight Bess will be required to do some of the things
18:52that the other panelists have done on this show.
18:54Is that okay with you?
18:55Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea
18:56and I'm sure that Bess will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
18:59Oh, I'm sure she will.
19:00Like I did.
19:02Will you call the panel back in, please?
19:04I hope I didn't embarrass you, ma'am.
19:06It just kind of came at a funny pause.
19:08I thought it was interesting.
19:10I didn't mean to call attention to you.
19:12Panel, here they come.
19:14Ah, ready?
19:16Now, panel, as you take your seats,
19:18will each of you put on your blindfolds
19:21with the exception of Bess Meyerson
19:23who will please bring her blindfold stage center.
19:27Wait, wait.
19:28Just the blindfold?
19:29Just the blindfold.
19:31Everybody else blindfolds on.
19:33You may each remove your blindfolds
19:35at the end of your particular period of questioning.
19:38Now, Bess?
19:39Yes, sir?
19:40You want to step center with me a little farther back?
19:42Now put your blindfold on.
19:45I will tell you, panel,
19:46and by the way, Bess,
19:47you're going to have the first questioning period,
19:49that Jane's secret concerns something
19:51that she will be doing during the questioning period.
19:54And Jane, do you want to start?
19:55All right, Gary, I'd love to.
19:57Mm-hmm.
19:59Now, Bess, if you will,
20:00before we start the questioning period,
20:01put yourself in my tender hands,
20:03and I will not harm you.
20:05Now, don't move.
20:06A young man is going to grab your other arm,
20:07and you're going to step up onto a platform.
20:10There you go.
20:11Now, one or two little more steps.
20:13And a much higher platform.
20:15Much higher platform.
20:17There you go.
20:18Some kind of a scaffold?
20:20Fear not to be harmed.
20:21Now, Bess, turn around and face the audience.
20:24That's a little more.
20:25That's it.
20:26Now, hands up and elbows up.
20:29There we are.
20:30There you go.
20:31Thank you, young man.
20:32All right, you may start your questioning, Bess.
20:34Remember, it's something that Jane is doing,
20:36so ask your questions of Jane.
20:38Are you all ready, Bess?
20:39I'd like to know what I'm doing.
20:41LAUGHTER
20:43Uh...
20:45Hmm.
20:46Well, am I allowed to disclose
20:48the kind of feelings I'm having now?
20:50I mean, move this way.
20:51No, don't give the panel to him.
20:53Jane, what are you doing?
20:56Ah!
20:57I'm not doing a thing.
20:59You're not?
21:00Well, Jane, are you moving this?
21:03Well, Gary, if I ask any questions,
21:05I'll have to reveal what's happening.
21:06I know there's a drawing board over there.
21:08Was that a drawing board near the desk?
21:10An arnest easel?
21:11Yes.
21:12No, not as it is being used tonight.
21:13Oh, it isn't.
21:14You're not drawing anything, are you?
21:16No, I'm not.
21:17Are you standing up?
21:18BUZZER
21:19Yes, I am standing up, Bess.
21:21This is nice.
21:22She is standing up,
21:23and Bess, you may remove your blindfold now there.
21:25All righty.
21:26All righty.
21:27All righty.
21:28Say nothing, if you please.
21:30And just move on down with us.
21:32Now, stand there.
21:33Hold on to this stanchion here
21:35while we get ready for our next one.
21:37All right, gentlemen, remove it.
21:39We now call, turn our attention to Bill Cullen,
21:42who'll get the next questioning period.
21:43But before we do that,
21:44we have a little explanation to do.
21:48SINGING
21:58We hope that you will observe, please, Miss Myerson.
22:00All right now, Bill Cullen, it's your turn to question.
22:03Oh, do I stay here?
22:04No, stay right where you are.
22:05Oh.
22:06Jane, does what happened to Bess have anything to do
22:10with what is now out?
22:12Something was taken away and something was brought back in.
22:17Uh, yes, it does, Bill.
22:21Um, does it have anything to do, Jane,
22:24with while you were with us on the show,
22:26which was many, many happy years,
22:28as far as we're concerned?
22:35You mean what I'm doing now?
22:37Does it have anything to do with the show?
22:38Yeah.
22:39Uh, yes, it does, uh-huh.
22:41Because I heard a machine when...
22:44I heard a machine when Bess was up there.
22:46Yes.
22:47It sounded like a...
22:49What do you call them?
22:50Exercise-type machine.
22:51Was it one of those?
22:52Oh, it did.
22:58Jane, uh, you can remove your blindfold, Bill.
23:01Say nothing now.
23:02Oh, I remember.
23:03$40 down, so $40 to go,
23:06and so we go, please, to...
23:08Betsy Palmer.
23:10Thanks a bunch.
23:11Ugh, Betsy.
23:12No, I didn't mean that.
23:14Um, did some of these...
23:16Are all these things that are happening individually
23:18things that happened to you, Jane,
23:20while you were a panelist on the show?
23:23Uh, you're close, Betsy.
23:26Really?
23:27Yes.
23:28And you're making everybody else go through them now?
23:30Uh, no, that is not right.
23:38$60 down, so...
23:40Oh, I remember.
23:42And you were so close to right,
23:43we're gonna have to go for it.
23:45Yes, uh, Henry, take off your, uh, your blindfold.
23:47I remember. Oh, my.
23:48I can't.
23:49Oh, you have to do it.
23:50No, tell you what, let's skip the hula hoops.
23:52All right.
23:53Well, obviously, she's taking Betsy in, which is good.
23:55What we were trying to do was,
23:57we were trying to give you all of the sweet memories
23:59that Jane was able to pile up over a series of years,
24:02but if you'll step over here, dear,
24:04we'll skip the hula hoops.
24:05There is one more stunt that the panel went through
24:08that you have not participated in yet.
24:10Oh!
24:23Beth, you have to. I did it.
24:25You want to show me how?
24:26Show you how.
24:28Be our guest.
24:29Oh, good.
24:30Watch it. Hold it.
24:31Take her off.
24:32Take her off.
24:41This has been a Mark Goodson, Bill Todman production.
24:43Miss Meyers is sound by Sorel.
24:45This is John Cannon speaking.
24:47We had to, uh, cut short tonight's performance,
24:50but it turned out that the cow had no...