How Adam Would Book... Becky Lynch vs Ronda Rousey

WrestleTalk

SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/partsfunknown/  Adam Blampied is back on his fantasy booking BS, this time he's tinkering with Becky's Road to WrestleMania 35.  This time with 100% less Charlotte!!  #partsfunknown #wrestling #fantasybooking

Transcript

00:00Sometimes, life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade. Between Survivor Series 2018

00:05and WrestleMania 35, life gave WWE lots of lemons, an incredibly expensive lemon juicing

00:11machine, a Michelin-quality lemonade recipe, thousands of people chanting, we want lemonade

00:17and we don't care how much it costs. But then, somehow, WWE managed to destroy the

00:24original recipe, they managed to take a bite out of one of the lemons, they got their dick

00:36caught in the lemon juicing machine, then they came up with a different, for some reason,

00:40more complicated recipe with apples in it, for some reason, and people were like, well,

00:44I mean, I guess there's lemons in there somewhere, and then WWE just poured the lepelaid in their

00:49laps, whispering, looking them in the eyes, first time ever.

00:56Hello, I'm Adam, hailing from partsFUNknown, and I am going to be shittalking what, after

01:00her most recent announcement, I'm guessing will be the second happiest day of Becky Lynch's

01:05life, lest it isn't, lest the baby really does suck, which is possible, don't tell me

01:08it isn't, look at this one, awful. Let's be honest, Becky and Seth are either going to

01:12have a Beth, you know, they're really cool, good at sport, everyone likes them, or they're

01:17going to have a Secchi, who eats sand and pulls the tails off dogs, never be the Secchi.

01:23So why am I tearing apart a happy WrestleMania moment? Well, I lead a fundamentally empty

01:28existence and the only way I can comfort myself with this unending existential misery is to

01:33reshape the world in my own image, and you're coming along with me.

01:37Becky Lynch caught fire at SummerSlam 2018, not literally, that would be dreadful, after

01:41a triple threat match for the SmackDown Women's Championship featuring Carmella, Charlotte

01:46and Becky, who turned heel after the match, finally ditching her, I'm just, I'm, I'm just,

01:51no, oh, I almost did the accent, I almost did, but I didn't, I didn't, finally ditching her,

01:57I'm just happy to be here, affable persona, clippity, clippity, clippity, and finally

02:03beating up Charlotte Flair, her tea time friend, in a righteous beating. Fans embrace this

02:10newfound confidence swagger of Becky Lynch, despite her ostensibly being the heel and

02:13completely dismissing Charlotte as a face, despite her sitting on the ground and going,

02:18oh, but I'm sad and my hair's a bit messy, I've got all the problems. They were super

02:25pleased when she declared herself the man and then beat the daughter of the man who

02:30said to be the man, you have to beat the man for the SmackDown Women's Championship. Makes

02:37sense. Because mostly at the time, fans were like, we're a bit tired of Charlotte, someone

02:41else. So everything was going really smoothly up until Survivor Series 2018 because it was

02:47champion versus champion branding. Ronda Rousey was slated to fight Becky Lynch. Everyone

02:52expected Becky to kind of lose gracefully and then Rousey to move on to face Charlotte

02:57at WrestleMania because that was the plan. However, an errant punch from Nia Jax put

03:02pay to all those plans when Becky had her face literally broken open on an episode of

03:08Raw but still stood there bloody, disfigured, but going out swinging. And that is what

03:15made people say, yeah, yeah, Becky Lynch. It was the ultimate show. Don't tell. That

03:21is a star making turn no matter how many I'm cool I am promos you cut. That is what does

03:27it. Lightning struck an empty bottle and suddenly fans were like, OK, she's out of Survivor

03:31Series. Ronda's for Charlotte. That match has been done now. So Becky versus Ronda at

03:36WrestleMania for the Raw Women's Championship. Then we went up to the Royal Rumble. Becky

03:42entered the Royal Rumble match. She beat Charlotte. And then suddenly we were just like, wait

03:47a minute, it's this isn't Daniel Bryan. We we get you what we want. We're going to get

03:52the lemonade because, again, fans at the time were like, we're a bit bored of Charlotte.

03:56Someone else. WWE saw this amazing story unfurling before them and said, you know what this needs?

04:01A bit of Charlotte down the hatch. Come on. Come on, you bastard. They suspended Becky

04:08for admin based reasons. Then she came back. Then they suspended her again for Vince based

04:13reasons. She was stripped of her title shot, nullifying the Royal Rumble. Then she fought.

04:18Charlotte was put back into the match, but Charlotte was already there. So it was now

04:21a triple threat. Charlotte won the Smackdown Women's Championship. Then it became a gimmicky

04:26winner take all thing. And yeah, Becky won, which is fantastic. But also the final image

04:34of that feud was Ronda Rousey and Becky Lynch just sort of kicking each other in the back

04:39of a police car. It's fucking dumb that despite the rumble happening, it was Daniel Bryan

04:45all over again. WWE booked a WrestleMania match months in advance and then an off disregarded

04:50workhorse caught fire. And they're just like, look, yes, very good. Chanting. We appreciate

04:56that. But you see, we did book this match months ago. We have got the T-shirt. So everyone

05:02wouldn't mind. Stop. Don't stop chanting for that one, please. Let's let's get on with

05:05the match as planned, shall we? No. And then the anger and anger built. So WWE said, fine,

05:12then it'll be a triple threat. That's what you wanted. Not really what we wanted, says

05:16the fans. It doesn't matter, says WWE. It's what you're getting, because I've never seen

05:20a company more needlessly combative with its own customers outside of the telecoms industry.

05:25With both Daniel Bryan and Becky Lynch, we got the end result we wanted, an off disregarded

05:29workhorse standing at the end of WrestleMania as fireworks go off, holding two belts. But

05:33we got a Frankenstein's monster of the story. It could have been so much more simple. The

05:39build, the payoff, so much more emotionally resonant. The hype could have been easier

05:44to understand and digest. And yet I don't want to appear ungrateful, but it could have

05:48been point A to point B, but instead it was point A, then point C, point B got fired for

05:55a bit and then point A turned heel and started fight C. We added like three more points and

06:01then B came back and A sort of switched around and became D. But then C funneled back and

06:07then the police arrived and they just started kicking each other in a police car. It's f***ing

06:12dumb that. Also, while I'm complaining, they built up all three women as being submission

06:18machines. Armbar, armbar, figure eight. And then the match ended with a botched crucifix

06:24pin? Like, WrestleMania? You're sure? Ronda's going away. You know that. So why are you...

06:34Point is, let me have a go.

06:41So everything up to the Royal Rumble was surreptitiously wonderful. Let's keep it. I don't like rebooking

06:45injuries at the best of times, but the unfortunate slash fortunate circumstances surrounding

06:49Survivor Series turned Becky Lynch into a main event caliber star. And to be honest,

06:52Becky Lynch should be sending Nia Jax an edible arrangement every week until her career stops.

06:56So we keep that. We also keep what happened at the TLC pay-per-view, the triple threat

07:00TLC match between Asuka, Becky and Charlotte with Ronda Rousey coming down and punking

07:04out the two horsewomen because that accomplishes two things. Gets the belt on Asuka. That'll

07:07become important later. And also it's slightly a bit of a heel turn for Ronda Rousey because

07:14that's where we're going, folks. Keep the Rumble exactly the same. Ronda Rousey beat

07:19Charlotte early in the night. I mean, it could have been cleaner to have Becky just win the

07:23Rumble from having been in it. But I mean, who are we to deny Finlay the biggest pop

07:28of his career simply by doing that? So Becky beat Charlotte, wins the Royal Rumble. This

07:33booking starts the next night on Raw. Out comes Ronda Rousey with a title over her shoulder.

07:37She is proud of how much she dominated the boss at the Royal Rumble. Then Becky Lynch's

07:43music hits. She stands face to face with Ronda Rousey saying, Ronnie, I'm not doing

07:48the accent. Ronnie, I choose you. She offers the match at WrestleMania and the chance to

07:54shake her hand man to man. And just as the handshake is about to happen, Charlotte Flair

07:59appears out of nowhere and cracks Becky Lynch in the back with a Singapore cane. Ronda Rousey

08:04sees this and is like, well, this clearly has nothing to do with me. Aight, I'm a head

08:09out. Again, slightly bit more of a heel turn for Ronda Rousey. And also, yeah, like they've

08:15been coming to blows on Twitter. It doesn't really make sense for Ronnie to step in, especially

08:20after Becky just challenged her for her title. Charlotte keeps putting the boots to Becky.

08:24Then she grabs a microphone and says, Becky was not in the match. I sound like I'm talking

08:30underwater. She says, of all the people who were legally in the Royal Rumble, I was the

08:37last woman standing. She gets in the ring announcer's face and threatens them until

08:40they say, okay. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2019 Women's Royal Rumble match,

08:48Charlotte Flair. This sets up a match at Elimination Chamber between Becky and Charlotte with the

08:54winner going on to WrestleMania 35 to face Rousey. It's similar to the match they had

08:58at Fastlane in real life, but only one of them's going to WrestleMania. It's not a

09:03triple threat. Like at Fastlane, Becky was just fighting to get back in the match. Charlotte

09:08was going to be in it no matter what. Just get it, get it, get it. So instead at Elimination

09:14Chamber, they're fighting one-on-one. Everything is on the line. However, earlier in that paper,

09:18in fact, opening the show, it's Ronda Rousey defending her championship against, not Ruby

09:24Riott, Bayley. And crucially, Bayley before her MySpace phase. Now appropriately, because

09:29this is dealing with the four horsewomen, this accomplishes four things. Number one,

09:34it gives Ronda Rousey a match against a more pure baby face. She can demolish Bayley who,

09:40you know, it was waning a little in popularity, but it's still very much pure white meat baby

09:46face. Ronda destroys her, again, becoming a little bit more of a heel. Two, it means

09:51Bayley is already banged up going into the Women's Tag Team Championship Elimination

09:55Chamber match, which makes the inevitable boss and hug connections victory feel even

10:00more triumphant and earned and makes the belts feel even more important. Three, when it gets

10:05around to WrestleMania, Ronda Rousey can say that in singles pay-per-view matches, she's

10:10beaten three out of four horsewomen. And finally, number four, it gives Ronda something to be

10:16annoyed about. She's furious to be opening the show. Huge sports and Hollywood icon that

10:22she is with the weird hair and the cat eyes that she has. And she says as much to Triple

10:27H and Steph backstage. She says, this is not good enough. I was in Fast and Furious 7.

10:32I was great in it. And also some UFC, I guess. They invite Rousey into their office and that's

10:37the last we see of her for the night. In the semi main spot, Lynch battles Charlotte, definitively

10:43taps her out in the middle of the ring to officially punch her ticket to WrestleMania.

10:49It's official, no ifs, buts or coconuts. Becky versus Rousey, WrestleMania 35. Charlotte,

10:55ego battered and desperate to reassert herself, decides she's going to take on Asuka at WrestleMania

11:0135 because she's beaten her once, she can beat her again. And they have a rematch of

11:06their instant classic, literally the best match on WrestleMania 34. Whether or not Asuka

11:11or Charlotte wins, leave that up to you, Asuka. Now that Rousey and Lynch is finally booked

11:16in, we can turn Ronda heel. Because that's just how it goes in WWE. A huge megastar comes

11:25from the outside. Yeah, they're good. They've got, you know, star power. But we've got these

11:29people who are here all the time and they have been here and we've seen them fail and

11:34we've seen them win. And we are more emotionally connected with them. The megastar cashes in

11:38their brand for instant main events, but the veteran has to tear and claw their way in.

11:44Of course, we're going to prefer the veteran. Of course, we're going to turn on the megastar,

11:48especially at WrestleMania. We're the hardcore fans. We're the ones who travel to see the

11:53show. We're the ones who book out that week of our lives. God, it feels really bleak.

12:00I've made myself sad. I want to go to WrestleMania again. So fans are going to turn on Rousey

12:06in this situation. Get there first. Make it seem like your idea. She's skinny jeans Batista

12:11all over again. I'm sick and tired of entertaining the fans. It doesn't matter. Someone get me

12:17a latte. She vows to crush Becky Lynch at WrestleMania because I was in Fast and Furious

12:257, one of the seven best Fast and the Furious movies. Hearing that Becky storms to the ring

12:31ready for a Barney. I'm still not doing the accent. When suddenly she stopped by Triple

12:36H and Steph's music. See, The Authority and Rousey have come to a little bit of an

12:40understanding. They had an initial rocky start to their working relationship, but after

12:44all, Ronda is a international megastar. So there's cheese, cheese, coin, coin, dollar,

12:50dollar, cash register sound effect to be made. Management informed Becky that Ronda has been

12:55granted special privileges as befitting a star of her stature. They hold up a lengthy

13:01new contract that Ronda's just signed. And one of the clauses clearly states that if

13:04Becky physically attacks Ronda Rousey, she gives up her WrestleMania title shot. Ronda

13:10gloats, tells Becky she's nothing, spits in her face and leaves. Also, The Authority

13:17announced because Ronda is this huge star that Ronda versus Becky is going to be the

13:23main event of WrestleMania 35 because Ronda won't accept anything less. This continues

13:31on with Ronda taunting Becky from afar and Becky not being able to do anything about

13:37it. Finally, we get to Fastlane and instead of having a match, we have the contract signing

13:43between Ronda and Becky Lynch because Ronda is an international megastar and she's going

13:47to sign a contract for the match. She's going to do it on pay-per-view. So people have to

13:52pay to see her do a squiggle. So we're at the contract signing. Ronnie's getting in

13:57a few digs. She calls herself the baddest bitch on the planet. Then Becky Lynch responds

14:02beautifully because as we've seen on Twitter, Becky is funnier than Ronda. Ronda slaps her

14:07in the face and Becky says, ah, Ronda, typical Hollywood megastar, insists on a huge contract,

14:18doesn't read it. She opens the contract and says, oh yeah, you can see here Becky can't

14:21attack Ronda. Fair enough. But underneath that, however, it says if Ronda lays a hand

14:27on Becky, this clause is null and void. Now, I know you don't speak legalese, Ronda, so

14:33let me translate. It means you are the dumbest bitch on the planet. Lynch attacks Ronda,

14:40picks her up, slams her through the announce table. The final shot is Becky holding up

14:45the Raw Women's Championship. As revenge on the next episode of Raw the following night,

14:50Becky is attacked by Ronda who grabs her arm, locks it in an armbar and wrenches and wrenches

14:55and wrenches her arm back as referees and crew members just try and pull Ronnie off.

15:00But she's just got her armbar cinched in for ages and ages. Fast and furious. Seven.

15:06The seventh one. I can't believe there's going to be nine. And it's going to have Cena in

15:11it as his brother. Are they the same ethnicity? What ethnicity is Vin Diesel? Come here, you

15:17bastard. Becky is diagnosed with the dreaded injured arm and is hurt going into WrestleMania.

15:23However, in true babyface style, Lynch refuses to let her dream slip away. On the last go

15:28home episode of Raw, the last segment is Ronda versus Becky. Becky's got her arm in

15:33a sling, has had for weeks. Ronnie's taunting her. Then Becky just very slowly removes the

15:38sling, says, you should have killed me, Ronnie. Bang. A huge pull apart brawl. Final shot

15:46before Rousey, Lynch, not, crucially not taking place in the backseat of a police car. Fucking

15:54WrestleMania 35, Charlotte versus Asuka and main events, Becky versus Ronda. And Becky

16:01fights through the pain to lock in the disarm her to make Ronda Rousey on the grandest stage

16:08of them all in the first ever women's main event tap out. Because if Ronda is going to

16:14leave and you knew she was, there's no point in protecting her because her absence will

16:20build up all the hype you need for when she comes back. So instead, Becky gets that definitive

16:24tap out win because that's what the main event of WrestleMania is for. Because yes, WWE may

16:30be a Catholic parent and believe that every joy you have should come with a rich dose

16:35of suffering alongside it. I think if you're going to have a nice thing, why not have the

16:39nicest possible version of that thing? So that is how I would book Becky Lynch's road

16:44to WrestleMania 35. What did you think? Let me know in the comments. What would you like

16:49me to book next? Don't forget to like and subscribe to PartsFunKnown. Like and subscribe

16:54to WrestleTalk if you haven't already. We'll see you very shortly. Jam that jam.

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