The Wonton Don | Donnie Does
Category
π₯
SportsTranscript
00:00Hey, how are you?
00:08We are back at the Shanghai Marriage Market.
00:11If you remember, I came here looking for a wife maybe 10 years ago.
00:15I need a wife and I needed it yesterday.
00:16I want you guys to take this resume.
00:17I want you to bring it home to your daughters.
00:18That's just the tip of the iceberg.
00:22I got mad skill sets.
00:23I had a little success.
00:24A husband that can do push-ups is a husband that knows how to raise kids.
00:30It's not where I ended up finding my actual wife, but I did have a lot of takers once
00:36I told people I was the COO of Dairy Queen.
00:39Look at this.
00:40Snuff is all over the place.
00:41You are sexually irresistible.
00:42Okay.
00:43Well, anyways, I'm back in Shanghai for the first time in like five years.
00:48I wanted to see if this place is still bumping, especially because I have a lot of very eligible
00:54bachelor co-workers such as the one and only Ben Mintz and Nikki Smokes.
01:01I guess I'm going to be their marriage agent.
01:03So I printed out some flattering photos of them and I put together a resume real quick.
01:10I could have done a better job, but if these guys are ever going to find a wife, the Shanghai
01:13Marriage Market is the place to do it.
01:16We're going to see if we can find them some potential suitors.
01:23Now, this will not be a one man job, so I got my guy Bert joining.
01:27He's lived in China for like 10 years.
01:29He's got a YouTube page called Bert Digs This.
01:31He's going to be helping film and he's going to be helping translate.
01:34He's not fluent, but he definitely knows more Chinese than me.
01:37Let's go do this.
01:38Yeah, let's go.
01:39It's not a lot of real estate.
01:40Dude, this place is still bumping.
01:43I got to find a place to post up.
01:45I think it's even more packed than when I first came here close to eight or nine years
01:50ago.
01:51When I was here, they had a bunch of photos of everybody.
01:53Now, they don't use photos.
01:55They just put out the resume that has all your stats, like when you were born, your
01:59height.
02:00Some of these say how much money you make.
02:02Do you think I can stand behind someone else's?
02:06I don't want to block anyone else's side.
02:08Everyone deserves a fair shot at love.
02:10What if I did it right here?
02:13You can take a look.
02:18Oh my God, I'm going to run out.
02:21It's not you, right?
02:22No, no, no.
02:23My colleague is searching for a wife.
02:26Why not you?
02:29Because now I have a wife.
02:31I put together these resumes last minute.
02:34I should have sold them better.
02:36For Ben Mintz, for his hobbies, all I said was gambling, eating, and going to concerts.
02:40For Nikki Smokes, all I have is hobbies, watching sports, dancing, religion, dumping sack, and
02:47then wants to stop partying and settle down with a nice woman.
02:50It's not a lot of intel to go off of, but actually, I don't really have many more nice
02:54things to say about Nikki Smokes.
02:56Mintz, I could have said a lot about Mintz.
02:59He donates to a lot of charities.
03:01He's serious about his health, although he does not look like it.
03:10Is that how you say he can't cook?
03:12Let me try to sell you on my friend, Nikki Smokes.
03:17This is a Florida man, a hot commodity in the U.S.
03:22As you can see, a little more handsome than Ben.
03:26He's young, so he's very virile.
03:31Viral?
03:32How do you say it?
03:33Let's just say his nut has a lot of strong swimmers in it.
03:36Nikki Smokes is a college graduate.
03:39I think he went to like eight different colleges, but he did get a degree.
03:44Ben Mintz, believe it or not, is a college grad too, but it took him like eight years.
03:48Is he famous in America?
03:50Yes.
03:51Does he have a YouTube channel?
03:52Um, yeah.
03:53WakeUpWithMintzy.
03:54That's probably the biggest thing he has going for him.
03:57He can't cook, and when it comes to brains, he is lacking in that department, but he's
04:03very friendly.
04:04He's got fame, and he's got friendliness.
04:06Which way?
04:07How to contact them?
04:08How to contact?
04:09I have his phone number.
04:11You write here.
04:12You write here.
04:13Yes, I will.
04:15I'm going to tell him to download it.
04:22I hope she's not looking for a husband.
04:23I think she's a little too young.
04:24I'm giving out his phone number to everybody in the party.
04:30Yeah, I'm not getting a lot of bites on the resumes, and that's on me, because listen,
04:34if you could meet these guys in person, you would be way more impressed.
04:38Where do you come from?
04:39USA.
04:40Oh, USA.
04:41Yeah.
04:42Where are you from?
04:43Thailand.
04:44Are you trying to find a husband?
04:46Nikki Smokes loves girls from Thailand.
04:50Look at that.
04:51This is a handsome photo.
04:52Very handsome.
04:53Very handsome.
04:54He's a little handsome, but he's famous.
04:57He's WakeUpMintzy, a talk show host.
05:00We could have left that photo off.
05:01How do you say he's on a diet?
05:03He's losing pounds.
05:04Losing weight.
05:05Yeah, losing weight.
05:06He's shedding the pounds, so when you actually marry him, he's going to be at least 30 pounds
05:12lighter.
05:13I don't want to block anyone else's shine, though.
05:15There's a lot of single people.
05:16Can you see?
05:17Yeah.
05:18Oh, yep.
05:19Yep.
05:20We're in trouble.
05:21Nikki Smokes' shadow is literally over like four, probably 30-year-old women desperately
05:25trying to find a husband.
05:26We're stepping on other people's toes, I think.
05:28That's one thing I'm not trying to do.
05:30Listen, do you see how many people are here?
05:32There are a lot of single folks in China.
05:34I think we're okay right here.
05:36No!
05:37Nope.
05:38Not here either.
05:39Oh, yeah, there.
05:40There, there, there, there, there.
05:43I'm not stepping on anyone's toes over here.
05:46This, this is perfect.
05:54Yeah.
05:57Yes, yes, I know.
05:58I think this is probably hurting their cause because I'm just so much more handsome than
06:02them that it's not really like I'm not doing them any favors.
06:06I'm just holding up a sign that says he makes $100,000 a year.
06:10He's only going to go up, or he's going to get fired in the next year, but that's a risk
06:15you're going to have to take with Nikki Smokes.
06:17A lot of contenders.
06:18This is good.
06:19Like, people seem very receptive, but then once they read the fine print, they're not
06:24as intrigued.
06:25Do you want to find a beautiful girl for your wife?
06:29They do.
06:31But I think Ben Mintz makes more money than Nikki Smokes, as he should, because he's 15
06:40years older.
06:41He needs a wife that will help him cook, and that wife will be getting a green card to
06:47the U.S.
06:56Ben Mintz does not have a nanny or a caregiver.
07:00Surprisingly, he lives on his own, so he just orders food.
07:07I don't know how he does it, honestly.
07:09I don't know how he survives.
07:12We're all confused.
07:13Ben Mintz's 40-year-old sperm will still definitely give you a child.
07:18That child may need LASIK eye surgery, but it's going to be a healthy kid besides that.
07:24He looks a lot more handsome when he's wearing glasses.
07:26I'll give you that much.
07:27Nikki Smokes is a very religious man.
07:29He is a man of God.
07:30I don't know if that plays in China.
07:32We got any Christian Chinese women?
07:35Ben Mintz is also, I guess, pretty Christian, but when he's looking for a wife, religion
07:41is not one of the parameters he's looking into.
07:44He'll take anyone.
07:45Muslim, Jewish, atheist, Buddhist, Taoist.
07:50Also, guys, for both of them, the marriage comes with a green card.
07:55We got one rich, successful, and famous 40-year-old, and then we have one handsome 25-year-old.
08:02So take your pick.
08:03Are you going for the fame and money, or do you just want a young, hot guy?
08:08We got both options for you.
08:12Very few of the actual daughters and sons that are looking for a spouse are here.
08:18It's the parents, and the parents kind of do all the wheeling and dealing.
08:22I am kind of Ben Mintz's and Nikki Smokes' dad right now, just trying to wife them up.
08:28One of these ladies might just sign their daughter's life away to Ben Mintz.
08:35That's a bad photo.
08:36I'm sorry.
08:37We shouldn't have included that.
08:38Look at that.
08:39He looks handsome there.
08:40Listen, if you don't love him at his worst, you don't deserve him at his best.
08:53People in China love gambling, so I think the fact that he's so good at it is going to help.
08:58He's a famous gambler.
09:00In the U.S., you'd be shocked.
09:01We have a lot of famous gamblers, like Dave Portnoy, Ben Mintz, Dan Katz.
09:07He has come very close to winning a lot of money many times at big tournaments.
09:11He never quite gets there, but I think if he had a wife in his corner, he'd be able to cross the hump.
09:18Yes.
09:22Yes, but he is losing pounds fast.
09:28Do you know his current weight?
09:29It fluctuates so much.
09:31Right now, I said 120 kgs.
09:34He could be down to 115.
09:36He's lower than the picture, and he's losing more weight every day.
09:39He runs 5Ks for charity.
09:40He needs the full package.
09:43Yeah, he's just 25 years old.
09:47A young buck, and he's got quite a nut.
09:50You would probably have a grandkid within like nine months after they got married.
09:56I think he's like a one-and-done kind of guy.
09:58One nut, grandkid.
10:00Yeah.
10:01Finally, we had a serious prospect.
10:05Oh.
10:11Oh, okay.
10:12Then add my WeChat.
10:14Can you tell her to send me her daughter's resume?
10:19She's going to show you the picture of her.
10:21Yeah, but if she sends it to me on WeChat, I can translate.
10:25Oh, okay.
10:27She's beautiful.
10:29She's beautiful.
10:30She's beautiful.
10:31She's beautiful.
10:32Oh, my God.
10:41I think this guy said not to do it.
10:43I don't know.
10:44Bringing a Chinese translator would have helped a little bit.
10:47A lot of interest, though, and that's what counts.
10:49We've got a 40-year-old, rich, successful man by the name of Ben Mintz,
10:54and we've got a 25-year-old young gun by the name of Nicky Smokes.
10:59So, take your pick.
11:01Are you going for money or are you going for looks?
11:11All right, well, he's 40.
11:14He does hogs for a cause every year, which I think it helps kids with cancer, I believe.
11:21Oh, okay.
11:22All right.
11:23Well, boom.
11:24I think we have a match.
11:26This lady can cook.
11:30All right, if you are interested, add me on WeChat.
11:33That's the competition.
11:35I can put you guys in touch.
11:36All right, don't have a ton of takers.
11:38I mean, if they're not getting enough bites, we also have Tommy Smokes.
11:42I think Tommy Smokes might be more, like, appealing to Chinese girls
11:46because they like really, like, at least in Shanghai,
11:49they're, like, kind of effeminate men, like, who aren't very intimidating.
11:55For my friends who have lived in Shanghai,
11:57they have the best of luck with Shanghainese girls when they're just, like, girly dudes.
12:05Oops.
12:06Lost a photo.
12:07Maybe if the signs were, like, nicer looking, we'd have a little more success.
12:11These look like the most shoddily made signs.
12:14Maybe the foreigners are interested.
12:16Are you guys married?
12:19Are you guys dating?
12:20Yes.
12:21Okay, so, yep, so you are not looking for a husband,
12:24but we do have two solid candidates right here if you ever are.
12:28Just come back to the marriage market.
12:40Both very handsome.
12:41You heard it here first.
12:49He's a college graduate.
12:52Nope.
12:53Thought I had a bite there.
12:54I guess not.
12:58Oh, these got crinkled.
13:05Oh, all right.
13:06Well, then, if he doesn't suit your fancy, we also have Nicky Smokes.
13:12E-bike, 100,000 USD.
13:14And, oh, my God, handsome.
13:17Holy shit.
13:18Hello.
13:19ζζ²ζθ±ζεθͺ?
13:22ζζθε©,
13:25but δ»ζ²ζθε©,
13:27δ»δΉζ²ζθε©.
13:29Oh, no.
13:30No?
13:31I don't think it's going to work.
13:32Listen, no one can say I didn't try.
13:34I did give my WeChat to a handful of people.
13:38Maybe they will follow up, but I think I'm done.
13:43You know what?
13:45I'm just going to leave these here.
13:51OK.
13:56My job here is done.
14:03Everyone's really interested in the trash bin.
14:06They actually have a lot of trash bins.
14:09They actually are more interested in that than I am.