The Paper Lads season1 episode 4
The Paper Lads season1 episode 4
Transcript
00:00At the third stroke, it will be 9, 50, and 50 seconds.
00:30Come along with me. The night has opened up its eyes to see day.
00:44A thousand moving just as one. A feeling God so certain that when this day is done,
00:54the paper log will come with the dawn casting light on the play, acting it out in our own special way,
01:04making our entrance and reading the line, the story of people who live by the time.
01:15And we'll tell you the tale of a funny young lass named Miss Sally D.
01:20She asked me for the price of a pint, one litre, and I'm the king.
01:24She says, I've seen your face before, I'm sure I'd never know where.
01:28So I asked her where the butcher lived. She says, don't call your square more.
01:51Well, what are you waiting for?
02:03Suppose he catches us?
02:05So what? We're only using the shortcut.
02:08Anyway, it's only grander.
02:21Morning, little Bob.
02:23Hello, poor lad.
02:34I fixed it then.
02:36What?
02:37What he said yesterday.
02:39Oh, right.
02:43He did say a quid.
02:50Hey, I want an exact mind, no guessing.
03:12Give us a chance.
03:21Is that all right?
03:23Get down.
03:27Going to risk it?
03:29Aye.
03:50Let's go.
04:21Hey there, you!
04:37I'm going to get one of you.
04:43Oh, them kids.
04:45Must be the beer in my...
04:48Must be the beer in my will.
05:03Here you go.
05:05I bet you eat these all at once.
05:07Sandy nearly let that dog out again.
05:09Right.
05:11Get you, did it?
05:13There'll be loads of dogs like that. Look at that.
05:17I didn't pinch it. No name, no number, nought.
05:20Threw him flogging, eh? I believe you.
05:22It's true.
05:24I know, guilty conscience, and you'd have stuffed it under a hedge.
05:27Did he do it?
05:29Do it, grander, nearly caught him.
05:31You two been pestering your granddad again?
05:33He shouldn't have fenced off that shortcut either.
05:35That's his land.
05:37Him and his precious leeks. Anybody would think they were clown jewels.
05:40Yeah, we always used the shortcut till he put that fence up.
05:43If you'd had a whole year's growing wreck by vandals, you'd put up a fence and all.
05:46That was ages ago, knowing the folksies around the twist.
05:49All the more reason for leaving him in peace.
05:55Well, did he see them? You bet.
05:57And? That's your grand as in with a chance.
06:00That'll please me. Well, the money?
06:02It's no good just guessing. Now he wants a measurement.
06:05What? That's what he said, and you know my Uncle Bob.
06:08That means we'll have to go back. When?
06:10We'll go tonight, take a measuring table, only take a few seconds.
06:13He sits up all night watching them and gets angry when he gets at them again.
06:16You mean he sleeps there? He's a barmy man.
06:18Oh, we'll have to make a proper plan, then.
06:20Distract his attention, then. Aye, that's it.
06:23Why's your Uncle Bob so keen to find out for?
06:25Oh, he's a fanatic. Can't sleep at night for worrying.
06:41Hello, Bob. Aye.
06:47You got a woman in there, have you?
06:49Now, now, wait a minute. What's in there's worth having.
06:52Been in there all night again? I have, Bob.
06:54And I'll be in every night till Saturday.
07:01I was wondering how your chrysanthemum's going on, like.
07:03Oh, aye.
07:05Well, I've got to go.
07:07I was wondering how your chrysanthemum's going on, like.
07:09Oh, aye. Well.
07:11Aye.
07:13Thought I'd take a look, get a few tips, you know.
07:15Well, you thought wrong, didn't you?
07:17Oh, aye, man, you're not showing chrysanthemums.
07:20No more than you're getting a look at them leeks, lad.
07:23Oh, here. I'm not frightened, you know.
07:26You can come and take a look at mine any time you like and you'll see why.
07:29Well, then, that's a way.
07:34Oh, aye, fair enough.
07:38So, what do you think, McGee?
07:40I've seen worse. Seen worse.
07:45How long you been showing leeks, McGee?
07:47Oh, 50 years now, nigh as dammit.
07:51Right, then. I'm asking you.
07:53Have you ever seen better?
07:56It's what's underneath that counts, Bob, lad.
07:58It's what's underneath.
08:01Hello, McGee. Aye, aye.
08:06That grandson of mine, where is he?
08:08In school, isn't he?
08:10Could have sworn it was him, look, and not Lassie.
08:12Been pestering again, are they?
08:14Mind if I catch their mutters? I'll skin them away.
08:16Tell their mother, not me.
08:18I've never spoken to that daughter of mine since the day my leeks were slushed.
08:21Oh, McGee, you know as well as I do.
08:23Sonny wants to take a razor to your leeks.
08:25There's nothing you nor Betty nor anybody can do to stop him.
08:27The day it happened, she swore she'd keep an eye out.
08:30I was only away a few hours.
08:32She went shopping.
08:34I'd have taken first that year for sure.
08:36Maybe, maybe not.
08:38I still think it's a bit hard to go on taking out your Betty.
08:41Take me paper now, if you don't mind, Jack.
08:44Hello, McGee. Hello there, miss.
08:46Suppose your leeks win this year, what'll you do?
08:48For 50 years now, I've been pipped at the post by young upstarts.
08:52When they knew they couldn't win by fair means,
08:54they'd win by fold.
08:56That's their game. They can't surely, McGee.
08:58Not so much to winning.
08:59Not to me, Jack. Not any more.
09:01And mind, if you see them, you will warn them, will you?
09:03Warn them from me, because I won't be responsible for them.
09:08You sure we're on the right side?
09:09Yeah, just over the fence and bare left.
09:11How far from the fence?
09:14About 15 foot.
09:16OK.
09:17Listen, when we get over there,
09:19you hold the torch and I'll do the mushing, OK?
09:21OK.
09:22Right, come on, let's see if she's there yet.
09:24Get up. Come on, get further down.
09:26All right.
09:27Oh, wait a minute, look, there's a hole.
09:29Where? Let's see.
09:31Hey, she's there.
09:32Grandad! Grandad!
09:34It's me, Sam!
09:36What in the world?
09:37Grandad!
09:38Who is that this time of night?
09:40I'm so glad there's no peace for the wicked here.
09:43He's coming out.
09:47Who's this?
09:48It's you.
09:49What are you doing here this time of night?
09:52Come on.
09:54In you go.
09:56He's letting her in.
10:02Hiya.
10:03Is this your cup?
10:04Aye.
10:05I just took the empty leaves in that bucket.
10:07Look.
10:14What brought this on?
10:15No, I was just about to ask you the same question.
10:19What brought this on?
10:20No, I was just a bit worried, that's all.
10:22Your ma'am.
10:24That'll be the day.
10:29There, that'll warm you up.
10:31Thank you, honey.
10:39Come on, then.
10:40I told you.
10:41Hey, you, I give you a leg up.
10:43Right.
10:45You know, I wish your ma'am would kiss me a go.
10:48Why?
10:49It wasn't her that damaged your precious leaves.
10:51No.
10:52It's what she said that hurt.
10:54Well, what did she say?
10:55Well, she said she couldn't see what all the fuss was about.
10:58I mean, your ma'am was raced to leave.
11:00She should have had more feeling in her than that.
11:03And I'll never forgive her for that trick she did to me,
11:06because...
11:08Get a move on, then.
11:09All right.
11:11Give us the measuring tape.
11:16Oh, come on.
11:17I haven't got the tape measure.
11:19You said you'd get it.
11:20Oh, no.
11:22You did.
11:23Can't you remember?
11:24I told you in geography.
11:26Now what are we going to do?
11:28Berk?
11:32It was better than I thought.
11:35It was very nice, that pet.
11:37I enjoy that now.
11:39So I've been feeding them on this here grinder?
11:42Oh, well, the usual, you know.
11:44Pig muck.
11:46Felt that beer.
11:48Felt that?
11:49Oh, yes.
11:50That's for the nitrogen, you know.
11:52Well, how do you felt the beer grinder?
11:56Well, first, you drink it, you see.
12:00KNOCKING
12:02What if the ruler's steady?
12:04Easier said than done.
12:06Oh, come on.
12:08Right.
12:12That's not it.
12:15It's no good. He wants it accurate.
12:21I've got it!
12:22What?
12:23A yo-yo!
12:24Yo-yo?
12:25Yes, look.
12:27Mark the string with your thumb,
12:29and then put it against the ruler.
12:31It'll work.
12:33I'll have to be getting to Jack Crawford
12:35to get myself some air back here.
12:37I'm getting a bit short here.
12:39So if I get mad round you,
12:41make sure you speak to her again.
12:43Do you care that much?
12:45You can't go on holding a gritch forever, can you?
12:47I hope not.
12:48We'll see.
12:49DOORBELL RINGS
12:50We'll see.
12:53Goodnight, Grandma.
12:55Goodnight, pet.
12:56Come on, you grand old sickly legator.
12:59Eh, I seen your thumb move, didn't I?
13:01Oh, well.
13:02Give it here.
13:07DOORBELL RINGS
13:14Goodnight, Grandad.
13:15Goodnight, bonnie lass.
13:17Eh, Sam?
13:18Don't forget to thank your mum for me now.
13:21Ta-ra.
13:22Ta-ra.
13:34Here she is.
13:35Well, did you get it?
13:36Aye, 12 and a half inches.
13:38That's if Gog's right.
13:39Course it's right.
13:40Hey, no wonder he's been so cagey.
13:41Aye.
13:42If the length's as good, he's bound to win.
13:44Go and tell your Uncle Bob tonight.
13:46Collect the money.
13:47Aye, I'll go round now.
13:48You couldn't sleep before, did you?
13:49What are you doing now?
13:52DOORBELL RINGS
14:03I wish you hadn't fetched this, Bob.
14:08It would have been better not saying that.
14:13But why, Mickey?
14:15There's no sense in it.
14:18I know how you feel, lad.
14:20It's the worst feeling in the world.
14:23But nobody can tell you what it is now, is there?
14:25That's the way the market is.
14:31Who's going to do a thing like that, Mickey?
14:35I'll murder him.
14:37You'll not find him, Bob.
14:39Unless he's daft enough to tell you.
14:42He'll be at the show.
14:43No, no, it's not a grower, man.
14:45Kids, maybes.
14:48Somebody whose own leeks have split, and he's done it for spite.
14:51Because, I mean, if they were going to show,
14:53they'd have nicked one or two of yours, wouldn't they, for the seed, like.
14:57I've heard of it happening, lad, but I never thought it would happen to me.
15:00Oh, I can remember back in 1964, it was.
15:04Every bed in the allotment was ruined in one night.
15:10There was one young fellow, I remember, he'd just started shooing.
15:13He phoned the culprit, his missus.
15:16She was jealous of him, spending too much time at the allotment.
15:20What did he do to her?
15:22Yeah, I could only guess at that.
15:24All I know is, they had to move shortly after that.
15:27They went down south.
15:29Durham, I think it was.
15:34Women, lad, they don't know when they're well off.
15:37Queer fellas' women, aren't they?
15:41Morning, Mickey.
15:43Say, where you are? I want a word with you lot.
15:46Jack, do you mind if I have a word or two here?
15:49Well, if that's all it is, they're just off.
15:51Thank you.
15:52Samantha, when you left me last night...
15:55Yes, Grandad?
15:56Did you see something you shouldn't have seen?
15:58How do you mean?
15:59You sound funny.
16:00Funny?
16:01Ah, suspicious.
16:02What's up, Mickey?
16:03What's up? I'll tell you what's up.
16:05Last night, somebody knobbled every one of Bob Chargeleek's allot.
16:10Aye, and that's not all.
16:12There was footprints round mine like soup plates.
16:14One of them must have got scared off.
16:16I was lucky.
16:17I dug into Bob's instead, just for spite you, me.
16:20So I thought you might have seen something, Samantha.
16:24I didn't see anybody that might have wanted to damage her leeks, Grandad.
16:28Promise.
16:29How's Bob taking it?
16:31Who's he taking it?
16:32Man, there's murder in his heart.
16:34What about the police?
16:35Well, I think he's reported, or he's going to report it,
16:38but I don't suppose he'll do anything.
16:40Man, leeks come nowhere in their priorities these days.
16:43You'd be surprised.
16:44Chances are they spot anybody hanging about the allotments.
16:47Especially this time of year.
16:49All right, you lot, off you go.
16:51Here, Sam, take no swans, Mr Jones.
16:53We're Indians for God's sakes.
16:59So, what do you reckon, Mickey?
17:02Another grower?
17:03No, Ginny.
17:05Not a grower.
17:06Kids, Mabby's.
17:08Somebody that'd crack us.
17:11What was Sam doing around with you last night, Mickey?
17:13Eh?
17:15Aye, wore a bet.
17:17Sent a drop of hot soup around.
17:19Patched things up with a bet you didn't, have you?
17:21You never know.
17:23After the show, Mabby's.
17:25So long, Jack.
17:26Morning to you, missus.
17:28So long, Mickey.
17:32Do you ever stop thinking like a copper?
17:35You're wrong, you know.
17:36Am I?
17:38Uncle Bob!
17:39I'm sorry.
17:40Mr Mann told us.
17:42I wanted to give this back.
17:44No, no, you kept your end of the bargain.
17:47So that's all you did?
17:49You don't think one of us did, do you?
17:52Do you know for a fact that one of you didn't?
18:02Aye, thank you, Mr Smelton, Jack.
18:04That was a nice brew of tea.
18:05So don't let me get something home.
18:07Nice to see you.
18:08How are you?
18:09I'm fine, I'm fine.
18:10Good.
18:11Hey, I stopped by Betty's on the way over.
18:13Why?
18:14She never sent me soup over last night.
18:16No?
18:17Nah, must have been Sam's own idea.
18:19I must admit, it wasn't typical to war bet that.
18:22Has Sam ever done that before?
18:24Oh, shop and nip, buy and own again.
18:26This is passing enough for a bit of crack, aye?
18:29At night?
18:30Yeah.
18:31Grab that.
18:32Try yourself a drop of the real stuff here.
18:34That'll do you good.
18:38There you are now.
18:39There's me little pawperations in that.
18:42There's the milk now.
18:46Mickey, when you were drinking that soup last night,
18:48you sat where?
18:49Me?
18:50Oh, I sat outside on the roof.
18:52Where do you think I sat, man?
18:53I sat here in me chair where I always sit.
18:56Sam sat here?
18:57What's all this got to do with Bob Todd?
18:59That were Bob Todd's leeks.
19:04Well, his leeks are as good as yours this year, Mickey.
19:07They might have been.
19:09We wouldn't have known that till we'd seen them on the bench, would we?
19:13We wouldn't have known that till sure, dear.
19:16So, Sam, you were only there to distract your granddad
19:18while these idiots measured his leeks.
19:20It was only a bit of fun.
19:21The same night you lot were running wild on the allotment,
19:23somebody slashed Bob Todd's leeks.
19:25We didn't go near his place.
19:27Well, Mickey's leeks up to your uncle's standard?
19:29Just about, anyway.
19:30Did you tell your uncle Bob?
19:31What did he say?
19:32Nothing certain till after the judging.
19:34Right, then.
19:35All right, you lot.
19:36Now, you stay away from those allotments, right?
19:41Hang about, Sam.
19:48You're very fond of your granddad, aren't you, Sam?
19:52Must have been hard on you these last few years,
19:54not having them speaking.
19:56You want him to win this year very much, don't you?
19:58But you know, then, he and your mum might make it up, right?
20:03Sam, if you did damage those leeks...
20:06Mr Crawford, I was...
20:07I'm not saying you did.
20:08I'm not even asking.
20:10But if you did, and you don't own up to it,
20:13there'll be a lot of bad blood and ill-feeling around here for years to come.
20:16Mr Crawford, I was...
20:17Now, don't say anything now you might regret later.
20:19Just think about it, all right?
20:21Now, listen, four Rupert Street.
20:23We're going away on a holiday.
20:26What do you mean, pet?
20:28Well, Mr Crawford thinks it was me that did it.
20:30He what?
20:31He says I should own up.
20:33Now, whatever put a daft idea into his head like that?
20:36Mum didn't send that soup round.
20:39I could have told you that last night.
20:41How?
20:42Well, I've known your mum a long time, you know.
20:45She might have a fault, but there's one thing.
20:48She never held with that tin soup.
20:50Well, I kept you talking.
20:52Gog and Baz are measuring your leeks.
20:54Oh.
20:55So they could tell Bob Toad, eh?
20:58Well, I reckon Bob Toad got everything he deserves.
21:01But don't you see, Grandad, if Mr Crawford thinks it was me,
21:04they'll all think the same, and Bob Toad's told the police.
21:07Don't worry.
21:09I'll put Jack Crawford straight.
21:11And anybody else that thinks of you would do a thing like that.
21:14But who did do it, Grandad?
21:16Yeah, that's not important, is it? I can see that now.
21:19Look, pet, just you nip home and tell your mother
21:22that you've seen your Grandad, right?
21:25And he says there's nothing to worry about.
21:28Thanks, Grandad.
21:52♪
22:23No sign of your Grandad yet, then?
22:25Well, he needs to know.
22:27Oh, I suppose. A pair of bunions and all.
22:29Will he win?
22:31Ask the judges, pet, not me.
22:33Sam!
22:37What's the matter there?
22:39Mr Crawford thinks Sam's hushed your leeks.
22:45Yes, Mr Crawford.
22:47It can wait till after judging.
22:50Three and three quarters.
22:58Nine and three quarters.
23:01Ten.
23:03♪
23:14I can't believe it, judges!
23:25Grandad!
23:27Let him go, Sam.
23:29But why is he...
23:31He's telling us something important.
23:34CHATTER
23:39Maybe I'm wrong to make such a fuss about a few leeks, eh, Jack?
23:42I don't understand, Grandad.
23:45Now they'll say that you did it, that you've got a guilty conscience.
23:48Get away, woman.
23:50They're daft, I know they're daft, but they're not that daft.
23:53Besides, it'll give them something else to think about
23:55except Bob Todd's leeks, won't it?
23:57Will you stop groaning now?
23:59Huh? I want to ask you something, Sam.
24:02Just what do you young'uns think of us leek growers?
24:04Come on, come on, now, let's have the truth.
24:06You're all barmy.
24:09Ah, maybe they're right.
24:11When I come to think of it, there's more things in life than growing a few leeks.
24:15I can see that now.
24:17Here, do you think your mam might have the kettle on?
24:22She said to ask if you're coming round for your tea.
24:27She also said to tell you that she's proud of you.
24:30MUSIC
24:43Right now, ladies and gentlemen,
24:45we come to the point in the proceedings, everybody.
24:48Don't ask, Lassie.
24:50Who cares, haddo you?
24:52Presentation of the prizes.
24:54MUSIC
25:24MUSIC
25:44A new paperback book describing the many adventures of the Paperlads
25:47is now available in most bookshops
25:49and the theme music of the series by Renaissance
25:51is available on a new single from your local record shop now.
25:54MUSIC