Taskmaster UK S17E06
Taskmaster UK S17E06
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TVTranscript
00:00Well, well, well.
00:01Oh, no, no!
00:02Yeah!
00:03Ah!
00:04Ah!
00:05Erm...
00:06It's quite windy, Steve.
00:07Yeah.
00:08Right.
00:09Woo!
00:10Wrong way.
00:11That's how you do it, baby.
00:12OK.
00:13Oh, my God!
00:14APPLAUSE
00:15Oh, my God!
00:16APPLAUSE
00:17APPLAUSE
00:18APPLAUSE
00:19APPLAUSE
00:20APPLAUSE
00:21APPLAUSE
00:22APPLAUSE
00:23APPLAUSE
00:24APPLAUSE
00:25APPLAUSE
00:26APPLAUSE
00:27APPLAUSE
00:28APPLAUSE
00:29APPLAUSE
00:30APPLAUSE
00:31APPLAUSE
00:32APPLAUSE
00:33APPLAUSE
00:34APPLAUSE
00:35APPLAUSE
00:36APPLAUSE
00:37Thank you!
00:38Hello!
00:39Welcome to Taskmaster, the show where elite comic minds unravel like a ball of wool.
00:43We're essentially in the Coliseum, but with a little less stabby-stabby and a disappointing
00:48lack of...
00:49HE GROWLS
00:50LAUGHTER
00:51Let the games commence!
00:52Please welcome...
00:53LAUGHTER
00:54..Joan McNally!
00:55APPLAUSE
00:57John Robbins!
00:58APPLAUSE
00:59Nick Muhammad!
01:00APPLAUSE
01:01Sophie Willan!
01:02APPLAUSE
01:03And Steve Pemberton!
01:04APPLAUSE
01:05And sitting next to me, a man who looks like a poodle who just about escaped a house fire
01:12on his hind legs...
01:13LAUGHTER
01:14A little Alex Hard!
01:15APPLAUSE
01:16Thank you.
01:17Thank you very much.
01:18APPLAUSE
01:19Oh, hi, Greg.
01:21How was my weekend?
01:22Well...
01:23LAUGHTER
01:24..it was one of the great weekends.
01:25Yeah.
01:26I caught up with my aunt...
01:27Yeah.
01:28..which is amazing, cos she's a really fast runner, and I normally...
01:29LAUGHTER
01:30..lag behind.
01:31We did our relay.
01:32You know we did the relay in the village, all the friends and family?
01:33And we did the 4x100.
01:34Yeah.
01:35So, 100 people doing four metres each.
01:36LAUGHTER
01:37And I was parallel with Aunt Polly, so...
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39So...
01:40LAUGHTER
01:41So...
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43So...
01:44LAUGHTER
01:45So...
01:46LAUGHTER
01:47So...
01:48LAUGHTER
01:50I overtook her in the final metre of the four, and...
01:52LAUGHTER
01:53..first time I've managed to do that.
01:55And we came eight... 88th we came.
01:57LAUGHTER
02:02Woof, woof, woof, woof.
02:03LAUGHTER
02:06All right.
02:07Bright House time.
02:08What have we got for episode six, Alex?
02:10You asked them to bring in the best thing that you can get into.
02:13Hmm.
02:14There's the usual five points for the best thing that you can get into,
02:17and I thought it worth pointing out that there's also three points
02:20for the most mid-table thing.
02:22Back to you, Greg. Appreciate you, brother.
02:24LAUGHTER
02:27All right, Jon.
02:28What's the best thing that...?
02:31It's quite a tricky one to phrase this, isn't it?
02:33You'd like me to get into?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:36Greg, you've got to get into memes.
02:38Jon, I have not.
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41So, what I have done to help you be more active in the meme scene
02:46is I've created my very own Taskmaster memes.
02:50Take a look at this, Greg.
02:52When your assistant be like a silly goose.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:57Maybe I'm more into memes than I thought.
03:00You want to see another meme?
03:02Second meme.
03:03Yeah, I've got 99 problems and Alex Horne is all of them.
03:06LAUGHTER
03:12It's a bit of fun. Greg, you're having fun.
03:14I'm an old man sweating,
03:16looking at something I don't want to get into.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:19Hi, Nick.
03:20What have you bought me that I might want to get into?
03:22I thought, and particularly cos you are often very hot...
03:25LAUGHTER
03:26..one of the things that you could get into
03:29would be the concept of adding an ice cube
03:33to a glass of white wine.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:39LAUGHTER
03:41Just one single cube.
03:44Here it is.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:49Honestly, don't knock it till you've tried it,
03:51because it really works.
03:52I'm not putting ice in my wine, Nick.
03:54Just a single cube.
03:56Not at all.
03:57Because I'm not a pussy.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:02You need to stop bringing anything new to me.
04:04If I want cold wine, I'm going to put it in my fridge.
04:06Obviously, it goes in the fridge at the start,
04:08but I'm saying that when you pour it out,
04:10and it's sort of sat there...
04:11So what you've brought in is the ability for me
04:13to have a glass of wine...
04:15..at a certain distance from my fridge.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:20OK, Sophie, take over, for God's sake.
04:22I can't, really, cos I realise I've forgotten
04:24and brought the wrong present.
04:26Is it worth explaining to the sixth episode of this series
04:28that these aren't presents for Greg?
04:30Oh, are they not?
04:31I do judge it, so it's very wise of you.
04:33I thought we had to give you a gift.
04:36I'm not the king of ingredients.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:41This is a human hamster ball...
04:43Yeah?
04:44..that you can get into and have a...
04:46Roll around?
04:47Roll around.
04:48It is big.
04:49Yeah.
04:50Ooh!
04:51Freedom.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:54It's the opposite of freedom.
04:56Simple. Why might I like it? Why might anyone like it?
04:59Well, who doesn't want to roll around?
05:01LAUGHTER
05:04Oh, come on, eh?
05:05Would you like to go down a hill in one of those?
05:07I would absolutely love to get in that.
05:09OK, we'll push you down a hill.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:13Joanne, all right? Yes.
05:14So, I, as you know, have been...
05:16..being quite experiential with the presents
05:19and it hasn't worked in my...
05:21They're not presents!
05:22LAUGHTER
05:25So, this time, I've gone for a sleeping sarcophagi.
05:28So that's me in this game.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:32You can be Tutankhamun at night and you close your eyes
05:35and you're in the Valley of the Kings.
05:37Yeah. It's all gold.
05:39Yeah, I can see it. Yeah.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:42Steve, only you can save this round.
05:44I hope I can do something that you will enjoy as your present.
05:48I have brought you...
05:49LAUGHTER
05:56As the prize, I have brought you in today's Guardian newspaper.
06:00Oh.
06:01I thought, like a hobby, you could get into doing cryptic crosswords.
06:05This better get good soon, mate.
06:07OK.
06:08Can I say, by the way, there was a Guardian in my dressing room today.
06:12Yeah, and mine. And mine.
06:13And there was also one in mine. Right.
06:15Well, did anyone do the cryptic crossword?
06:17No. All right.
06:18I won't open that lefty stuff.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22OK, well, what I hope someone might have been impressed by
06:25is the fact that I wrote today's cryptic crosswords.
06:28Now we're talking. We can have a look at it.
06:30Nice.
06:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:35I've filled in some of the answers for you.
06:37The other thing you can do with cryptic crosswords,
06:39you can hide hidden messages within them
06:41if you get the right combination of words.
06:43As you can see, if you look at the G of ghettos on the left there
06:46and read down the unchecked letters,
06:48you'll see I've put you in the crosswords.
06:50Greg, nice.
06:51And if you also read the rest of the hidden message,
06:54please give Steve all five points.
07:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:05Steve, the only problem for me now
07:07is how to reward you suitably and to punish these four.
07:12I am points hungry tonight, Greg.
07:14My God.
07:15If you want to shift the four across,
07:17the three across, the two across,
07:19I'll take them all.
07:21Cos that took me ages.
07:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:28Taking some points out.
07:29Yes, please.
07:30Obviously...
07:34..I find it very difficult to be mean to you, Nick.
07:37Aw.
07:38One point. Thank you.
07:40I'm sorry, Jon, I just, I'm not excited by memes
07:43and I have a reputation.
07:45I'm an ex-teacher who despises children.
07:47So, two points for Jon. OK.
07:49The inflatable ball, three points.
07:51Just because I want to push Sophie Willard down a hill.
07:55I'll give the sarcophagus four points.
07:57Thank you.
07:58And it feels like you've been robbed in many ways,
08:00that you don't get more than five points,
08:02but that's the prize section, or as I call it,
08:05Greg's gift section.
08:10Five points for Steve.
08:14Right, on we go.
08:15OK, and the first task involves a Choose Mr Mohamed basket.
08:20I'm so sorry, no, I mean a Pick Nick hamper.
08:41Pleasure to see you.
08:42Jon Robbins.
08:43Alex Horne.
08:44Basket.
08:45Wheel.
08:46Chair.
08:47There's a lovely label here to say it's to Jon...
08:50..from Nick.
08:51To Nick from Sophie.
08:54We're not going on a picnic, are we?
08:56Couldn't make that into a word.
09:00Make a bespoke personal hamper for Steve Pemberton.
09:04Make a bespoke personal hamper for Sophie Willard.
09:07For Nick Mohamed.
09:08For Jon Robbins.
09:09For Joanne McNally, you have ten minutes.
09:12Your time starts now.
09:15Sophie, you do have to also spin this wheel.
09:17One big spin.
09:24Something from nature for Nick to suit his personality.
09:30Oh, action.
09:32My theme is picnic.
09:33Lovely.
09:34Oh, yeah, perfect.
09:35It's going to all be red.
09:37I'm going to get a hamper full of red items, I would imagine.
09:40Yes.
09:41He's elder, isn't he?
09:42Older than...
09:43Anyone else.
09:44I just wanted to apply to a dance.
09:46Oh.
09:47Cos then he will be dead.
09:51I got some hot sauce, cos she's quite a spicy character.
09:55Sunflower to match his sunny disposition.
09:58Lovely.
09:59Right, there is a new bag in there, so...
10:01Lucky Jon.
10:02Lucky Jon, eh?
10:05There you go.
10:06Dog walking lead.
10:09All the red marbles out of the big marble thing.
10:12Can I spin again?
10:13I want to mix it up a bit.
10:15Picnic.
10:16Well, we've got the hamper, haven't we, so that's good.
10:18And this for him in the bath, cos you're elder,
10:20you have to be careful in the bath.
10:22Cudding.
10:23Bungee cord.
10:24Flowers.
10:25Obviously paper plate.
10:26Obviously...
10:27Train.
10:28Pineapple.
10:29For afters.
10:30Juice.
10:31Plain flour.
10:32Plain flour, yes.
10:33What are you going to do with that?
10:34Baking.
10:35Baking.
10:37I'm just going to attach the G-clamp.
10:40A bit of red carpet.
10:41I don't know what this will do,
10:42because this, it's both a picnic blanket and a blanket.
10:45Right.
10:46This, cos I know he likes wheelchair,
10:48and this to keep his sugar levels up.
10:50And I'm going to play a little joke on her,
10:53so when she opens it, she gets a nice surprise,
10:55and she'll think of me and she'll thank me.
10:59Love it.
11:00Come on, you've got it all in.
11:02Hello.
11:03WHISTLE
11:04Perfect.
11:08Well, I suppose I should give you the right to reply
11:10to having a hamper filled with things that suggest
11:13you're teetering on the edge of death.
11:15Yeah.
11:16And it's weird shit.
11:17You suggesting that Steve needs an assisted bath?
11:22I mean, he's a man in his 50s.
11:26I don't know why, I thought you were older than you are,
11:28I don't know why.
11:29Oh, God.
11:30Sorry!
11:31For what it's worth, I was very happy with what you put.
11:34Including litter pickers,
11:35cos old people like picking up litter.
11:38Well, look, I'm excited, let's crack on.
11:40OK, so we're going to come back to that one later on,
11:42so for now, here is another introduction video.
11:58There he is.
12:01Hi, Steve.
12:02Hi.
12:04Hello.
12:05Hello.
12:071, 2, 3, 4...
12:095, 6, 7, 8.
12:11Lovely.
12:12Right. Oh, God.
12:141, 2, 3, 4...
12:17Paper.
12:18OK.
12:19Sorry, that's all wrong, actually.
12:215, 6, 7, 8.
12:231, 2, 3, 4...
12:25Once I saw a fish alive.
12:301, 2, 3, 4...
12:33I declare thumb war.
12:35Ah.
12:38Oh, God, oh, why? That's... Ah!
12:40That makes sense.
12:42Have the most exciting thumb war with Alex!
12:48You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.
12:51Tequila?
12:531, 2, 3, 4...
12:54I declare thumb war.
12:555, 6, 7, 8.
12:57Video appreciate.
13:00Can we get some tequila?
13:03Do you want me to get the tequila? Yeah.
13:05Ah.
13:06Come on, you're a bit of crack.
13:08You haven't had a drop since I met you.
13:14How many of you knew what a thumb war was?
13:17Did you?
13:18Cos I thought, from the VT,
13:20it looked like John was the only one who'd heard of a thumb war.
13:23I just forgot the intro.
13:25Well, your mind was full of how quickly you can get hammered.
13:29Yeah.
13:32Straight to a national stereotype.
13:34Let's get hammered.
13:35There's no smoke without fire.
13:37Did you come out dressed as a leprechaun as well?
13:39Too far.
13:40Oh, too far.
13:44Let's watch some people doing a thumb war
13:46and, presumably, Johann Gegg hammered.
13:49Well, first up, it's Thumpy Willan and Knuckle Muhammad.
13:52Here we go.
13:54Well, first up, it's Thumpy Willan and Knuckle Muhammad.
13:58Here we go.
13:59I
14:29I
14:45Declare a thumb war oh
14:52That was too easy actually no get off
14:59I
15:30Oh, and you know I've made it very clear during this series, I don't like a pun, but I didn't mind Thumbly Stadium. Yeah
15:36Nick is really good at some war. Yeah, and by stark contrast
15:44Right with a guy with a pigeon on his head
15:49Because you very quick I'm the thumb war itself was shit
15:53I've got tiny hands though. I mean, I've got the hands of a sort of somewhere between an old man and a baby
16:03Well done with Thumbly Stadium Nick
16:06Well done, thank you good says a lot that so far Thumbly Stadium is my favorite part of this task
16:12Time for an advert break now if you don't watch them try my method
16:16I force someone from the company who make the product to watch them for me
16:19Well, they've got us scanning our own shopping haven't they see how you like it you profit-motivated barrel of rats
16:39Welcome back to part two of taskmaster. We're in the midst of some pretty exciting thumb wars. Oh, yeah
16:45Well, the funny thing is this task it just came to me one day and I wasn't really sure about it
16:50But now I feel so fortunate that it turned out this way and gave the comedians a chance to really shine and that Greg
16:56Was a thumble brag now for the attempts
17:00Of John and Joanne
17:02Oh
17:14Alex no John
17:23Basically, there's three
17:26Condiments there's mustard custard and peri-peri salt. Mm-hmm. You've got a spit bucket here a shot of room here
17:32The game is you keep one thumb clean for the whole
17:37Game, and if you sully that home, you're out
17:41So you dip all nine other fingers into the condiment suck it off all nine into the next convent
17:48So good off and the last clean home you dip it in the mustard
17:52Custard and stick it to the other person's hat. Okay
17:56win the thumb war
17:58You may not cross the lines of fire
18:01Last thumb standing wins from this moment onwards. You may only communicate using Queen song titles
18:08Don't stop me now
18:10Oh
18:22Be five four four go
18:27Okay, Oh quick, oh no sick
18:40Oh
19:04Baby
19:10We are the champions
19:19Every day you thinking about the band Queen John
19:24When you're wearing a Freddie Mercury jacket, it's on your mind. It's on your mind. I didn't know that many Queen songs
19:30No, I looked up some afterwards. We could have had flick of the wrist from a night of the Opera
19:34No, no, no
19:39Someone's been kicked out the Queen fan club
19:50The thing that I found intriguing about your game is I felt it was a game you've played many times
19:58And Joanne had a catchphrase that was sandwiched between every rule suck it off, right
20:05I
20:10Was custard and mustard. Oh my what were the rules? I mean I got into it. Yeah, but I didn't know why I just wanted shots
20:16speed
20:17custard and then it was like
20:26It would be an amazing logo on a t-shirt perhaps with one additions shocks speed custard suck it off
20:34And for our final war of the opposables, it's Steve Pembertham
21:04We
21:09Have come to claim our territory, this is righty territory. No, it's not it most certainly is
21:16one two
21:18three four
21:34Oh
21:44What are we doing lefty
21:46Well, we find this war
21:48You said it was your territory. We both belong
21:52Together here. Come let me help you
21:57Thumbs up thumbs up
22:00I've lost a lot of good men in this war, you know
22:03Pinky ring middle index or gone
22:08What say we go and watch the foyer I love the footy
22:23We wanted to go for an anti-war message, yes, and I think that came across really powerfully
22:29Too many people have perished in some wars Steve
22:32I thought it was well-conceived
22:38Moving yeah, you know at times exciting
22:45All right, then five contrasting thumb wars Greg we've got to take into consideration the quality of the thumb war
22:52Why am I looking at you? So if it's weird, I think it's because you you're gonna give me a bottom
23:03My instinct is to give you one point, what do you think I think it's reasonable
23:12I love the production values and felt the same sort of excitement level for Nick and John if I'm honest
23:18So I'm gonna give Nick and John three points each. I'm gonna give Joanne four, but my god, how can I deny?
23:25the beautiful tribute
23:28It was the battle of the thumb five points
23:33I'd like to see the scores, please Alex, of course you would well our
23:37Habitual bottom guys Nick and Sophie are still there with four points each
23:41Joanne's got eight Steve's on the lead with ten this time. All right, then
23:50This one has that familiar mix of darts and drinks and awkward positions
24:02I
24:13Want on the doormat one in the doorway, please one on the doormat one in the doorway, okay, I'll go doorway
24:18I'll go doormat. Uh-oh
24:20Hi
24:22So I get mad you want to go in the dome you go in the down there. I was on the college darts team
24:26I'll just tell you where are you?
24:28Okay, go on you go in there you go there I see right you've made your beds. All right, here we go
24:33Oh, no, you want to read it? Is that that's not that's part of the task
24:37I thought so just left it
24:40Right. Okay. So it says make the most moves on the movement circles
24:45Your teammate must flip a bottle then throw a dart at each dartboard to create a move
24:54If they get a bullseye you have a you have free choice
24:58Also, if they successfully land the bottle flip your teammate may place a dart anywhere in the dartboard
25:06Also, if they successfully land the bottle flip your teammate may place a dart anywhere in the dartboard and is a bullseye on either
25:13Of the darts bullseye that one will give you free choice of part of the body. Yeah on that one free choice of color
25:19Okay, that makes sense
25:20longest movement sequence
25:23Successfully made wins so Sophie's on bottle flip right John's on darts Joanne's on movement
25:30Do I need to know anything Steve in terms of like like dodgy knees or anything that you just dodgy body?
25:39Okay, everyone understands no, yeah, let's go. Yeah. Oh, hang on the darts captain is taking his jacket off
25:46Can I are we filming we're filming?
25:53I
25:58Am a college darts team were we I was captain of the Jesus Christ the heat is on
26:05Especially a man who's stripped down to a vest
26:10Steve are you getting sick of the age-related slams yet your teammate asking if you had any ailments? I
26:17Think Nick was looking out for me. I was just common courtesy. That was really okay. You'd have asked anyone that I would have asked it
26:22Absolutely. Anyone not just grandpa
26:27Right, it's the team of two up first as Nick steps up to the Occy to influence Steve's dodgy body here we go
26:34Here we go
26:36Right, I'm successful. So I'll try and throw balls. I okay. No, it's bumps. That's good. I'm good start
26:44All right on the line brown bum or pink bum. No, that is bum in the pink. I'm in the pink
26:50There you go, so that's one move completed I
26:54Think I'm doing it too high in the air, right?
26:57left foot
26:59Yellow left foot basically on it great fine. Here we go. Two moves completed. Oh every time
27:06We got a left hand left hand left hand white would be good
27:11There you go. It is white
27:13Oh
27:20White there is a white back there. Yeah. There you go five movements complete
27:30Right elbow in the end right so that's already in play. Oh, I see. What would you prefer to keep it where it is?
27:37Oh, yeah, yeah quite comfortable here
27:40It's black and that's in the middle
27:43Right that hand must stay on there. Yeah, I know
27:50We'll count any of you if any of your bum is on pink, that'll be fine
27:56Yeah, that counts here we go
27:58I
28:10Feel rude of me to say that I just had a gut instinct you'd be no good at darts. Yeah, I
28:18Still think though we had got it the right way around hindsight if we have done it there you think the right way around
28:23How are you gonna get from brown to pink to yellow you'd have to see my cape
28:31You would have bounced around nicely wouldn't you? Yeah, I would it was nice for Steve to be able to have a nap
28:37Because I'm quite flexible and because I'm quite small as well, I don't know if that's
28:41I
28:48Didn't even know what you said good
28:51Okay break time a lot of students get in touch with me and they say what do you and Alex get up to during the
28:57Breaks. Well, I'll tell you my young friends. He buffs my gusset
29:11Oh
29:16Welcome back to the third part of this taskmaster festival. Hey guys, it's great to see so many familiar faces out there before the break
29:24We saw the team's taking part in a task, which feels like a game that already exists, but it definitely doesn't
29:29Freeze turn now with Joanne in the dome John at the Occy and BAFTA award-winning comedian and writer Sophie Willen
29:35Standing at the side tossing a bottle about a bit
29:38I'm actually quite nimble. This is good. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, and how are you a bottle flipping Sophie? Well, we'll find out
29:44Okay. Well, you may flip right?
29:54Brown
29:59That's not a successful bottle flip elbow, okay, so we need pink or brown
30:07Well done left elbow pink
30:13Right, so we ideally want fun white
30:18Bum
30:25Lovely to land on that table left hand white. This is actually the hardest bet. Yeah
30:32Left elbow pink ass black left hand yellow
30:54Right hand brown, please
30:56Okay
30:57That's the bullseye
30:59It's bullseye, what do you want to move my right knee right knee black, please black
31:05It's black
31:09That's bullseye
31:11That's the bullseye bullseye. That's bullseye bullseye again bullseye
31:21I think infinity is most moves. I'm gonna try for the right foot
31:27And is so right foot we want brown or pink
31:32Brown so your right foot. Yeah
31:36We need a neon black, please. Unfortunately in there
31:41That is the end of your first movement now if you all switch around one place what that's the first part I'm only joking
31:47The
31:53Bottle was a bit of a setup really wasn't it? It's just to make you look like a prick. Yeah
31:59If you can't throw a bottle yeah, but it's very hard you did pick your positions I was forced into mine by the darts champion
32:07That is true. I mean fair play. He's good at dark. I mean genuinely impressive. Yeah, I'm not sure
32:14We got to test how nimble you were
32:16So how many me like though I was in that down for a good hour
32:21So how many different moves that they managed to do a total of 43 Wow?
32:28So five points to the team of three what should I give these poor fuckers the old man and the little boy
32:35Oh
32:43Let's call it charity five and two, there we go two points and five points the tip of three
32:54Yes, of course and hey remember what happened earlier on in the show
33:05Oh
33:10Alex oh John
33:14Right here we are
33:16to Nick from
33:18Sophie's is the hamper. I
33:20Put one together for John I think ah
33:23To Steve from Joanne
33:26It's a gift. Do you remember making one of them?
33:29Don't know
33:31All right, that's handy
33:35It was it is a color. Is it color-coded for a reason red?
33:39He thinks I'm angry
33:42We're sexual. Oh, wow
33:46Shall I
33:47Create a picture of the person that gave you this hamper using the contents of this hamper
33:53Fast time for a picture wins you 50 minutes create a picture of the person. So like yeah, this is your canvas
34:01Okay, okay, okay
34:03You have 15 minutes your time starts now fab
34:06I've already got a human head, which is a great start for any likeness
34:12Got two trifles the baguette the lovely little bit red with a carpet
34:17I met Steve years ago and I was with my granddad and they actually have the same face
34:22They've got the same nose. I would say he's quite romantic. Is that because there are some roses in the hamper? Yeah. Yeah
34:29Okay, she has an hourglass figure I
34:34Think that's sort of gonna be our background lovely. Well, we're gonna start with his tuxedo a
34:41Lovely round face
34:43We could always have this to prop up and because you know behind every head there is a skull
34:51I know you know what? That's his tongue. He's a smart guy. I'd say he could cut you with his tongue. Yeah
34:58Ski slope nose you say oh
35:03You do know what she looks like I
35:06Need to make sure the face is there
35:10Very important. Yeah
35:11She has lovely blonde hair. Luckily. We have something roughly the right shade. I'm gonna make his testicles the roses
35:20I think he's respectful in the sack
35:23That's what they indicate. I think it's gonna have to be beans for the face. Oh
35:28Look, it's even sticking to the thing because of the banana slime just like her actual hair
35:38And obviously say if he's famous he got this bright orange
35:42That's again for under here. He's the kind of guy who'd offer a cushion if you needed to be on your knees around him
35:50I
35:54Have to say it's not actually
35:57Going to you badly, right? It's not bad. I don't think that's bad. You said that 12 times now
36:06I know John has a certain Jonas a quad exactly with these crisps, sir
36:10I feel like Neil Buchanan a child because she's obviously not blue. Oh, she smells and she she does smell don't she?
36:18She's trying desperately to cover that bald spot up don't do the center of the eye
36:23Any legs for Jonah? No, really. I haven't seen him walking around much to be honest
36:30Yeah, I think that's lovely he shouldn't have a hat on should I
36:38Know thanks Sophie. Yeah, really good fabulous. Thank you
36:48I know granddad is slammed
36:54Yeah, and is there any truth I
36:57Did meet Sophie's granddad at a do I don't you have the photo? Yeah. Well, then let us be the judge
37:03You're right. They have sort of got a similar face. He was sloshed that night actually nearly got kicked out
37:11Insulted Melvin black from across the room
37:14I've got your book. I fell asleep. It was shite
37:25Right time for last outbreak and remember one of today's prizes is an ice cube
37:43Oh
37:45It's the final part of the show and our contestants have had to make portraits of each other using the contents of a hamper
37:51Yes, but have the hampers hampered them. Well, let's start with Steve's portrait of Joanne
38:00Yeah, I'm pleased with that highlights look good you you blow-dry in your hair, oh, yeah
38:07Yeah, she's blow-drying her hair
38:10I love us. What's going on with a top lip? Is it me? Yeah, she's looking in the mirror. She's got giving it all
38:16Suck it off
38:22I would say one detail you can't see there is underneath the face. There is a skull
38:26Yeah, which is quite a detail. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
38:31memento mori remember
38:35We are all going to die
38:37Yeah, and I'm not reminded enough of my own mortality Steve you're right well I fucking I've been tonight
38:48We've seen Steve picture Joanne now, it's Joanne's picture of John
38:54It looks like a memorial to me I think it looks like someone who's dropped a hamper
39:01It's
39:03My understanding was there was the essence of John and I I knew John to be very sweet romantic man
39:08So that's kind of what I went to it. And also that's not what I heard in your
39:14It's a real man puts down a cushion Greg I can tell you
39:20And roses for hands roses for hands
39:23And testicles
39:27Okay, so now it's John's turn let's see his picture of Nick
39:33Well, I wanted to represent the the magic in Nick's career so he is bursting out of a bin
39:43So I use the flower to create the tuxedo and his face is made of beans I
39:50I love the way you've you've caught the thick chinstrap that Nick wears
39:58Good who's next? Okay. Well, obviously it's now Nick's picture of Sophie
40:11It's an energy of sorts, yeah baffled
40:16Yeah, if you imagine that face turning around you and going
40:21Okay, okay one more this is how Sophie Willen sees Steve Pemberton
40:35I just saw it and went yes
40:40Okay, well here are all five of the portraits
40:44Well, honestly, I don't think Joanne's necessarily captured the man there was some detail in there
40:49I'm gonna give it two points. Not one. Oh, thank you. I'm giving John three points. Then I think I'm gonna give Nick and
40:56Steve four points
40:58Because I just think that Sophie
41:02I think Sophie has captured the man
41:11The scores well, it's very satisfying it goes 16 15 14 13 10 for Nick
41:15And it's Steve at the top of the moment it looks like this
41:27It's that time again, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
41:31Oh
41:42Hello, you lovely boy, oh
41:44Thanks, Greg
41:46I know one member from each team must stand on the gold circles beneath
41:52Team of two who's gonna stand on the golden circle me team of three who's gonna stand on the golden sir. I am
41:58Joanne please Joanna Nick make your way down to the golden circles. Not that way
42:11Who will be reading the team task out I would like Sophie to read the task completely cover your teammate in rubber rings
42:19Catchers
42:22Must face the taskmaster at all times with their hands above their head
42:29Throwers must stay behind the white line
42:32First team to completely cover their teammate in rubber rings wins. He'll be gone in three rings
42:43I mean Nick's a three-ring man
42:46I'm gonna come down into the trough to retrieve the rings and fling them back and then I'll blow the whistle and we'll start
42:52But the hands must be above the head good and we can't go past this white line
42:54You can't go past if anyone catches you going over this line. Your team will be disqualified Greg
42:58When's the game over the game is only over if I shout I cannot see Nick. I cannot see Joanne. Okay
43:05Flingers get ready. Okay. Good luck. Hands up
43:08Hands up. Let's go
43:10Oh
43:13You can move Joanne once
43:21Don't cross that line
43:40Times
44:11Electric right, let's free them and they're sad. That's the final scores. Come and join me
44:25Wow
44:27Fine margins, it's all about fine margins all about fine margins. You want to see some fine margins?
44:36If you're gonna show me margins you make them fine
44:41Have a look at this fine margin
44:45Well, I think what I can see there is a foot that's a little bit over the line
44:51I mean, I'm not I'm not sure it's conclusive, but I can show you this one. Yeah
44:58That would be another foot over the line that was about 20 seconds later I can show you this one Oh
45:02Third
45:07Don't worry
45:09You don't have to
45:11disqualify us
45:12You think I don't have to follow the rules of the competition?
45:15Yeah, I do. I think it's your rules your game. Well as much as it breaks my heart rules of rules
45:21I'm afraid Nick and Steve are disqualified
45:25Listen don't start acting
45:28We said what the rule was if you cross the line you'll disqualify so I'm afraid it's five points to the team of three
45:34Wow, I'm poor old Nick. I know. I mean I was at the bottom anyway, but still
45:40And not just the episode the series
45:43You're on 72 points. Yeah, the next one's on 83. That's Sophie
45:4798 to Steve Joanne's on 105 Johnson 113 Joanne's doing really well. You shouldn't seem surprised at one person
45:55I'm not surprised like genuinely proud
46:02So tell me some scores that's put the cat amongst the pigeons so to speak again, yes
46:07Nick is rooted on ten points. You can't get much lower than that
46:13But with double that score it's her first victory 20 points goes to Joanne McNally
46:24I
46:36Learned it's exciting being part of a big show like this just as it's exciting being part of a new phenomena
46:42Okay, because let's face it. It's not gonna be long until the number one Christmas game is gonna be mustard custard. Oh my
46:54a
47:11Five-star holiday at two-star prices Joe's gonna love that
47:16But which of them will be most chuffed at it being only 50 feet to be touched by a stranger
47:20Bulgaria next and live tomorrow Joe's aunties are turning on him. He's live with Ross Kemp and Sue Perkins join them at 10