Last Of The Summer Wines- S06E04 - A Bicycle Made for Three
Deciding they need a bicycle each, the trio venture to old friend Dirk's (né Percy) shop, hoping for a bargain. Meanwhile, the café has been redecorated and is set for a grand re-opening
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00:30I
00:35Got a minute
00:39Whoa, I've got something sharp in my welly. I'd have to be sharp to survive that
00:48Wow
00:51Alright is that
00:53God you could frighten peacocks with a sock like that
00:56It was reduced. Well, I'm glad to hear it. I wouldn't like to see them on full power
01:01What are you gonna do when your battery's gone?
01:05They're not electric. They are from here
01:11I don't know how you can do that
01:15Wash my feet I wash my feet every time I put new socks on every time
01:21Wow nearly every time
01:28Hey, look at that, no, I don't think we're bothering a suffering for a lighter is that
01:36It's very mysterious is that
01:39You're absolutely right. I was just thinking to myself. That is the most mysterious handkerchief. I've ever seen all the other ones in the wash
01:49The wash
01:51I mean, it's mysterious because I don't have a lighter. So what's a flint doing in my welly?
01:56You better look in the other welly. You might find the lighter
02:04That's better
02:08Did you notice how dark it went when he put that sock back in
02:14Quite a rare astronomical event huh totally clips of the sock
02:22You
02:24Think it's going to be just another ordinary day and then suddenly you find a flint in your welly
02:32Good job. That wasn't a spark could have blown your foot off
02:37If there's no guiding hand behind the universe how come bananas are just the right shape for your mouth
02:46You
02:48Couldn't get bananas in wartime. You couldn't get Lily Matthews either. I
02:54Know I tried
02:58She was RAF mad
03:02You didn't got a chance if you were wearing khaki not even scruffy khaki. No, and I were very good at scruffy khaki
03:10I do it was scruffy when you got it
03:13He was supposed to press a few creases into it. Oh, that's great
03:18And it you're gonna go out and die for him and you've got a precious suit for the privilege
03:25Dying a lot round all the shop where they
03:29Bananas
03:30That's not the point. I didn't know I wasn't gonna die. Did I they gave me a rifle and a bayonet?
03:37I thought hello. Hello. This is not for picking your teeth with
03:42With a gun and a bayonet and it's semi-straight they had me up for keeping a few ferrets
03:48I didn't think we're gonna send you ferried enough for the Germans. It is
03:52That could have flushed Adolf out of his bulker. I
03:56Like it. Yeah, the secret war of compo semini
04:01the day of the ferry
04:03Each a banana
04:06All gone. Oh, that's nice. Suddenly. It's high summer and your bananas all gone. I
04:13Should have joined the RAF
04:16And had a tour of ops on Lily Matthews
04:21She was ugly, ah, but only from the front and you know him in wartime. He never went near the front. I
04:29Tried for a reserved occupation
04:32Yeah, well it was nobody more reserved about taking up an occupation than you
04:43Who's staring he's staring I thought you were staring
05:02The last time I worried an edge bottom I will with a bird from nothing a nature lover
05:08Couldn't she steer either it wasn't cycling we were caught in
05:15And you brought it to this type bottom you spared no expense did
05:21In the pursuit of love you've been in some interesting places. Oh, I have no I have
05:30I imagine courting and ferreting must seem very similar to you
05:37It's just the quarry that's different Oh, I've been in some quarries at all
05:43You know how it tells them apart
05:45Her rabbits are prettier
05:49They'll be but pretty that's a nice name for a rabbit I like it what a rabbit she were a welder
05:59Oh
06:02She were pretty she was pretty loud
06:08Are we all in one piece then
06:21We're gonna have to get three bar
06:29Oh
06:33Think I'll now I'll do the talking all right
06:41I'll do pussy. Hey, let's not less of the Percy. It's Dirk. All right
06:48It's been dirt for 15 years. Are you with me? I paid every bread for it legally if you don't like it
06:55You can try it. Mr. Westerfield
06:59Chance Percy we've known this since we were a lad
07:03What kind of a name is Percy for a guy with his own business who drives a Jag with irons in the fire?
07:09I'm going places
07:11Finkel Street's first millionaire
07:13sound right
07:16That gets funnier than ever
07:19So it's taking time
07:2250 a young 50. I'm not you're flashing the pan overnight whiz kid
07:29That's true
07:30Yes, we'll give you that Percy
07:33Dirk, it's Dirk. You're not anybody's flashing the pan overnight whiskey, and you know why?
07:40Incompetence I tell you why because I've never had the brakes same as Peggy's bike
07:47You know the second hand trade really needs a good war a really good big war all of a sudden
07:54You're into army surplus and you're laughing. I mean, I shouldn't be pratting about with washing machines
07:59I ought to have a row of rocket launchers all down that wall
08:08Be international wouldn't I wherever men gathered together for military hardware, there'd be this whisper. Have you tried Dirk's?
08:17Then there'd be this other whisper. Oh, you mean Percy's I
08:21I don't know what you're complaining about. We've already had a perfectly good big war. I missed it
08:27Didn't ah, you were a bit late there Dirk us. Yeah. Well, I started before I was ready
08:33Yes, I remember having the same
08:37Never mind, I thought there'll be another one what happened nothing
08:41I used to wake up every morning with a keen sense of expectation
08:45Nothing
08:46Now you can go all waiting for bombs to start dropping around here. All right, lads. What can I do for you bicycles?
08:53Hey, what's your language Elsie?
08:57Are you buying a selling fine? Oh, well in that case you're entitled my number one friendly smile
09:05If you've been selling of course I have to put on this rock-hard expression
09:14We're looking for a couple of old but serviceable machines cheap dirt cheap
09:23I
09:24Don't know when I'm gonna get my yacht. Oh
09:26Um, I'm gonna be about 60 before I start pulling birds. It's gonna be a race against time. I can feel it
09:33Have you a selection of machines we we could examine?
09:38examine
09:40You expect to examine man
09:43Wow, well what price did you have in mind and man 45 quid rock-bottom man?
09:5045 quid man. All right. All right. What price did you have in mind man?
09:56five quid man
09:58Each man out
10:02Hang on
10:04I'll tell you what I'll do
10:06I've got a shed full of bicycle parts
10:09I'll let you knock your own machines together and we'll come to some arrangement about the money
10:27He hasn't got the first idea and he won't let me help him with it. Well, that's not a bad first idea
10:34Well, I wash my hands of the whole thing let him learn the hard way
10:38Well, is that my wheel? Well, I hope so because if it's a musical instrument, it's gonna be very awkward to play
10:45Yes, well, I suppose we shouldn't be unkind to little electric socks, but I must say I do rather enjoy it
10:51It's only after smile. Don't you we're not really being unkind. He knows I'll help him out whenever he comes on stuck
11:04I should see with a spanner. He's got no idea
11:10Hey, is that my frame? Well, I hope so because if it's a musical instrument, it's gonna be very awkward to blow
11:19Yeah, you know it's worse with a spanner than it is with a woman but all tall blokes are the same aren't they
11:26I'm a short bloke
11:29Hey keep looking at my machine dead envious, I'll pretend I'm not looking you know
11:34Dad, you can't be unkind to big else. It can you really I
11:38Mean he knows full well that I'll help him out if he gets stuck. I think I'll give him a tally-ho
11:45Oh
11:55Well, it looks a picture
11:57Let's hope we get a better class of customer or even a better class of staff
12:03How many more trips upstairs you think you're bored now? Well, you have to start running up with a food
12:10Do you think they'll ever like work
12:14I wouldn't expect so not now. It's too late. They passed it
12:21They were past it before they even started it
12:26You'll not change the habits of a lifetime I suppose not depressing though, isn't it? Oh, yes
12:33They are very depressing. I
12:36Blame a lot of it on television myself. Oh, how's that?
12:40well
12:41They see all these funny ways of living people enjoying themselves
12:48It makes it difficult for him to adjust to the fact that real life if you're honest and decent is bound to be
12:55pretty boring
12:58Do you find your husband boring? Oh, yes, I
13:05Wouldn't have him any other way
13:08Who they're so predictable, yes, they are aren't they
13:13predictable and boring
13:16We've a lot to be thankful for
13:19Well a bit anyway
13:22Hey
13:23Mind you keep them overalls clean people coming here for food. They're entitled to expect to see nothing but cleanliness
13:37Stand there just stand there and don't move don't move. What about some grub? We're starving
13:44Yes, well just one step at a time. Just stand there for a minute. Let's establish a few ground rules
13:49What happened to that homely air of neglect?
13:57We're aiming for a better class of customer we're obviously failing
14:02It's like a hospital hello, there's dr. Kildare with his faithful nurse sister Wally
14:12Just look at the state you're in yes, but we've we've been building bicycles madam bicycles a Percy Dirkus
14:19That's something like a man's job. He's that building bicycles. Hey
14:25Who's that?
14:32Keep him away. Keep him away. Don't you worry? I'll keep him away
14:37Don't refuse to serve them. Nobody's refusing to serve them. They're just gonna get it
14:44continental style
14:46I
14:55Feel a right prawn stuck out here. I agree. It's a bit like making love in a railway station. I
15:05Think it's quite pleasantly the outside. Why should you feel a prawn then for a start?
15:12I
15:35Doesn't it give you that warm feeling to know that 70% of your rates are going on education
15:43I
16:07Wish you'd give over
16:09It's all right for you lot here you're out making bicycles
16:17And I'm stuck waiting on tables
16:20Do we have to eat out here?
16:22There must be some scruffy little corner left inside that Ivy could fit us into
16:27Even if it's only in the kitchen you're safer out here today
16:31It's a man's world out here. I never realized how much I miss the
16:37Irresponsibility in the bad language
16:39We're perfectly all right out here
16:41No has got eyes in the back of a penny and I was in a bit of a panic on account of this private party
16:48She's having
16:50It's really quite civilized out here. Yeah, and that is the way it's gonna stay
16:55Will you kindly stop reaching across people you just watch your manners now you're on show
17:00Listen Wonder Woman, I'm starving
17:03This bike building gives you an appetite not to mention most of the skin off his knuckles
17:10You're building a bike
17:14It's no more weird than the thing you're building
17:18Stand back. I'm giving you due warning. I'm not letting anything come between me and this week
17:32Come on
18:02I
18:32I
19:02I
19:17You're ready for this
19:32He hasn't been cycling two minutes and already he's picked up the book
19:49I'm coming
20:02It's different
20:13Stand there giggling go and get yours. We could all have a good giggle
20:18Sure as any time. Yeah, I should see it. Well, go on
20:24Hey, no
20:27Tell me what does that think of this little nimble machine?
20:31Not bad, is it?
20:33Isn't it a bit low at the front?
20:37No, don't get upset. I don't mean low. I meant that well
20:41Not all that high
20:43Well, of course, it's low. She's a little racer is this
20:47Better than his damn great clumsy lump. Don't tell us does this machine? All right, that's what they said about the Titanic
21:09Larger machine for the taller figure logical to me. I've gotta get a nasty headache going under low bridges
21:18Exaggerate. No, the thing is merely a comfortable height for my length of leg. I feel the same way exactly about nor about it
21:28Where are we going riding?
21:31What does it matter? Well, he does if you're determined to make a spectacle of yourself a
21:36Spectacle of myself. I could assure you that this machine and I have no intention of making a spectacle of ourselves
21:48Oh
21:50We'll have to wait for faithful Dobbin again
21:58What he's doing
22:17I
22:48Don't straighten up man. I can't, I can't. Me back's locked
22:55Locked?
22:57Well, not to worry because if it's any consolations from that little hole there I can see your combination
23:05Keep your hand off my paintwork
23:08I'll topple over if I haven't got anything to hold on to
23:12Well, hold on to this thought for today if you put a mark on my paintwork I shall feed you through me waste disposal
23:31Be brave
23:37Why is it all gone quiet
23:39We're thinking
23:40You don't want a casual snap answer. Yes, I do. I want a casual snap answer
23:45Well, it's just a little crick in the back. That's all worse things happen in bed
23:53I can vouch for that
23:58What's with him then? He's trying to get him into a parcel. It's a little bicycle fatigue. Yeah, let's try this
24:10Hold on, hold on. I know how to solve the problem
24:23I've never seen such an exhibition of peculiar underwear. You know, this situation is going to need some very delicate handling
24:29In fact, hardly any handling at all
24:32Yes, well, I'll leave you to it
24:34There are certain darker corners in this universe into which a woman of my sensibilities is not disposed to pry. Oh
24:42Why are you straightening him up? Keep his hands off my woodwork
24:50How are we gonna straighten him up I think I know how we're gonna straighten him up
24:54Oh
24:57Sorry to have to inform you Ivy, but a certain crippled person has accidentally put his mucky fingers all over your
25:04Paintwork
25:22Exit needs a medal
25:27Feeling better are you I was a rotten trick or was it worth it to get your health back it come back all of a rush
25:35You're fit again ready to make yourself obnoxious to all the ladies. I
25:41Do my best there's nobody does it better
25:49That's all right for you lot she just throws you out me she keeps
25:54Is that sure this thing's better
25:56Course, it's better this way. We all keep at the same speed. Look at Peggy. He looks worried about it
26:03Only because I'm worried about it
26:06There's absolutely nothing to worry about. It's going to be a very stable machine
26:12Stroke of genius I've been looking it stands up by itself
26:17How safe can you get?
26:19Six wheels more than a Rolls-Royce. I
26:23Think I was happier when all I had to worry about was a flint in my welly
26:28Why are you being so mean to me?
26:30I'm not being mean to you. I'm not being mean to you
26:33I'm not being mean to you. I'm not being mean to you
26:35I'm not being mean to you. I'm not being mean to you
26:38In my welly
26:40Why are you being so negative?
26:42Tell him tell him all I ask is you give it a fair trial
26:48It looks guilty
26:52You see you mark my words the world is going to be amazed that no one's ever thought of this idea before
27:01The name Dewhurst is going to be up there
27:05alongside Stevenson
27:07Edison Marconi
27:11Who's that
27:13Just to give you an idea they're all dead
27:24That's because we haven't started to ride it yet. I mean once we're in the saddles. We should be able to steer it accurately
27:32I mean we should simply coast down this gentle slope to get the feel of it
27:42Got any brakes
27:44brakes
27:46Not only has it got breaks. It's got three
27:49independent braking systems
27:51That's more than a Rolls-Royce
27:57Here we go then
28:02Why
28:04Aren't we moving he's got his brakes on
28:08Why have you got your brakes on because he's got his brakes on
28:13Come on. Let's go right
28:29Isn't this pleasant
28:32Not with just the brakes, but wait for it wait for it when I give the signal
28:36Can't just go break him whenever we feel like it, can we?
28:39No, no, we'll solve it. It's all due together
28:42You watch for my signal
28:47Ready, steady, go!
29:02Follow me, before I use this twig, and that's more than a Rolls-Royce
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29:28They're showing all the candidates weeknights from 9 vote and be in line for some exclusive prizes and next here on drama step to and some
29:58You