Code Monkeys Code Monkeys E003 – Stonervision
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00:00🎵 I Love You Horse 🎵
00:29🎵 Yesterday I felt like kissing your face 🎵
00:33🎵 But I punched it instead 🎵
00:37Dave, I think we did it.
00:39Dude, I know we did it.
00:40I mean it, this game is awesome.
00:41Awesome? Ninja Pirate Robots is the best thing we've ever done.
00:44It is gonna be mega tits huge.
00:47Yeah, it's a shame we're not gonna see any of that money.
00:49Larity is gonna get rich off of this game.
00:51Which leads me to my next point.
00:52Screw Larity.
00:53What?
00:54I say we leave Game of Vision, form our own company, and as an added bonus, release the game ourselves.
00:59You're gonna start laughing soon, right?
01:01To let me know you're kidding, right Dave?
01:03I've already found an investor for our start-up costs.
01:05Guess what pal, we move in to our new offices this afternoon.
01:08What? No, we can't leave!
01:10We've got security here, and mediocre insurance.
01:13What if I need to get something lanced?
01:15Not to mention that this game technically belongs to Larity, since we created it while we were working for him.
01:20If he finds out, he'll kill us.
01:22With a gun.
01:23Jerry, Larity is crap house crazy.
01:25He snacks on venison pops, he might kill us one day for taking the last diet soda or passing out flyers for a rager at his house.
01:30I don't know.
01:31That was you?
01:32Do you really have to ask?
01:33The point, my friend, is that you have quite literally been living in the past.
01:36The future is Stoner Vision.
01:38Stoner Vision? People are gonna think we're dealing, Dave.
01:41That's phase two, compadre.
01:43Well, I will say this.
01:44I haven't seen you put this much work into anything since you turned your computer into a bomb.
01:47Well that's how much I believe in you, and in Ninja Pirate Robots.
01:50Ninja Robot Pirates.
01:51I don't know about my way, but let's stay focused here.
01:53What do you say?
01:54I don't know, man.
01:55Homo!
01:56Excuse me, I said homo.
01:57It's just that we have good jobs.
01:58I don't really want to leave.
01:59Ring ring!
02:00Hello? Opportunity?
02:01Who are you looking for?
02:02Jerry?
02:03He was here a second ago, but it seemed like he's been replaced by a big fat pussy.
02:07No.
02:08You don't want to leave a message?
02:09Oh, you're never gonna call him again.
02:10What are you wearing?
02:11Opportunity, you are a dirty girl.
02:13Alright, let's do it.
02:14Yes!
02:15Well, the first thing we need to do is write a proper letter of resignation.
02:17We need to leave here without burning any bridges.
02:19Dave?
02:22Ok, two words.
02:23First word sounds like you.
02:25I got it.
02:26You are a douchebag and we quit.
02:28Exactly.
02:29Dave, video charades is a brilliant idea for a game.
02:31Put it into production immediately.
02:33No, you are the douchebag and we quit.
02:36I already guessed your daggum charades.
02:39No, you don't get it, Larrity.
02:40Fine, fine, both y'all can have a raise.
02:42I realize you're worth a lot more than I'm paying you.
02:45Whoa, Dave, wait, maybe we should reconsider this.
02:47Reconsider?
02:48What's you two sissies got to do with this?
02:50Mr. Larrity, give us a second.
02:51Dave, we don't have to do this.
02:53What the...
02:55Fine, dude, we quit.
02:56Did you say you're quitting?
02:57Nobody quits, boy.
02:59And nobody sets my desk on fire but me.
03:01Jerry, today we pay this place back for all the crap we had to deal with.
03:04For tomorrow, we shall be kings.
03:07Come with me to the land of freedom.
03:08A land filled with handies, cash, and water coolers filled with schnapps.
03:13I've really enjoyed working here and you've been a real mentor.
03:16Hey, I gotta blow off some steam.
03:19I hunted you once, Kyoko.
03:21Now I'm gonna hunt you again.
03:23Hey, Mr. Larrity, you wanna see me?
03:25Oh, hell yeah.
03:26Die, Whitey.
03:27Hey, y'all bullocks, you think I'm playing the bar?
03:30Two layers of chocolate bars.
03:32Sprinkle some sour cream and onion potato chips.
03:34Oh, no.
03:35Can't reach.
03:37Swiss rules.
03:38Sorry about that, man.
03:39It's been really cool working with you.
03:41Come on, Jerry, you gotta get in the spirit here.
03:42This is your chance to do whatever messed up thing you can.
03:45Whatever messed up thing you've ever dreamt of doing to these people.
03:48Let's do it.
03:49Oh, my gosh, Dave, you're right.
03:50I have an idea.
03:51You'll gag my stick.
03:53Mary, hey.
03:54I just wanted to let you know I think you're very pretty and extremely intelligent.
03:58And I don't know what you're doing this weekend, but if you wanted and I wanted,
04:02maybe you and me could go out for ice cream or miniature golf.
04:06What I'm trying to say is, Mary, would you like to watch a sunset with me?
04:09Woohoo!
04:11So, what do you say?
04:12Do we give it a go?
04:13Oh, yeah.
04:14You're on.
04:15Crack.
04:18I've been waiting for this a long time, dude.
04:20You know nothing about video games, and you're half a retard.
04:23Now, prepare to have your ass kicked while I make the sounds of an angry Asian man.
04:30It's all right, girls.
04:31You can go back to sleep now.
04:33Oh, so I guess you heard we're leaving.
04:35Maybe we could brunch sometime?
04:37I'll just take Dave.
04:42Who wants my computer?
04:43Here you go.
04:44Ew, it's all sticky.
04:45Who wants my tape collection?
04:46You know you can take that with you, Dave.
04:47No way, man.
04:48I'm buying all new stuff with my new money.
04:50I call dibs on the Miami Soul Machine.
04:52They're all yours, dude, because we're out of here.
04:54Woohoo!
04:55Stoner vision.
04:56Here we come.
04:57You're sure there's no way we're ever coming back here, right?
04:59Not a chance.
05:00Then suck eggs, losers.
05:02Sorry.
05:03Was that too harsh, Dave?
05:04Nah.
05:06OK, well, it looks like we only need to sell 10% of our game stock to pay off your investor.
05:12It was such a great idea to work in this old garage, Dave.
05:14We're saving so much money.
05:16Maybe this really was the right decision.
05:18Saving money?
05:19Savings for suckers and old people, dude.
05:21This old garage is connected to a kick-ass house I rented.
05:24We're just working out here because there's no room inside.
05:26What?
05:27Follow me, dude.
05:28Follow me to the promised land.
05:29Oh, and I hope you're not allergic to heaven.
05:36Oh, my God!
05:38Here we have the zebra room.
05:40Dave!
05:42The arcade room.
05:44Yeah!
05:45Cousin Pac-Man, by the way.
05:47This, of course, is Nolan Bushnell.
05:49What?
05:50Hey, man, you must be Jerry.
05:51I'm Nolan.
05:52You want to play some Atari later?
05:53No thanks, I'm good.
05:54What a jerk.
05:55Stay cool.
05:56Always.
05:57Hey, you should play Atari with Nolan.
05:58He's costing me like a grand a day.
05:59A grand a day?
06:00You have to play with him for at least two hours a day to make it cost a few bucks.
06:04Oh, is that all?
06:05It's not my rules.
06:06It's math.
06:07Let us continue with Le Tour.
06:09Pudding Green.
06:10Check.
06:11Underwater room.
06:12Cafeteria.
06:13Uh, can I have three cheeseburgers, a birthday cake, ooh, and a French dip sandwich.
06:18That sounds delightful.
06:19Right away, Mr. Dave.
06:21Over here, private zoo.
06:23Dave, what the hell did you do?
06:25You spent all the money we had.
06:26I spent way more than that, dude.
06:27Oh, my God.
06:28You got to spend big to win big, dude.
06:30Ninja pirate robots will pay for this house ten times over.
06:33If the game makes thirty million dollars and eight cents.
06:36Oh, my God.
06:37Whoa.
06:38Watch it, Jerry.
06:39Don't worry, buddy.
06:40It's not a mistake you'll make twice.
06:41Trust me.
06:42Now, quit screwing around.
06:43I want to show you the company jet copter.
06:45Did I mention it's invisible?
06:46It cost a load, but I think it's worth it because it's invisible.
06:50Kill me.
06:51Please, God, let this gorilla kill me right now.
06:53That will probably be arranged.
06:55And who the hell is this?
06:56Jerry, this is Tony Dakota, our chief investor.
06:58Oh, sorry, Mr. Dakota.
06:59A real pleasure to meet you.
07:00Thanks for the vote of confidence.
07:01This ain't a vote of confidence, Jerry.
07:03This is my money.
07:06I'll be talking to your boys soon.
07:08Oh, jeez, Dave.
07:10That's our investor?
07:11Awesome, right?
07:12Dude, he's got a gun, and he let me feel it.
07:14He put it right on my temple.
07:19Dave and Jerry are gone.
07:20That's a good thing.
07:21Those two sons of bitches are like a pedestal stain on this company.
07:25And I don't like the way you ladies wipe your unmentionables after you make number one.
07:30We too must wipe away the residue left by Jerry and Dave.
07:33That's why I'm happy to introduce to you our new team of Mike and Sean.
07:37Hey, everybody.
07:38Thanks, Mr. Larrity.
07:39Let me start off by saying what a thrill it is to be part of such an innovative company.
07:43Here, here, Sean.
07:44And may I add, we're tickled pink to have the opportunity to brainstorm with so many bright, talented people.
07:50I just hope we can keep it up.
07:52Fingers crossed.
07:54Do they expect us to buy this crap?
07:56Todd, I hope this doesn't embarrass you, but I'm a huge fan of your game Nacho Time.
08:01You have won my respect.
08:04And Mary.
08:05At the risk of getting on Mr. Larrity's bad side, I think you're an underutilized resource.
08:10You're nothing short of a genius.
08:11And may I say, you're a beautiful genius.
08:14We also baked everyone cookies.
08:16Don't worry, Black Steve.
08:18We made some lactose-free.
08:20We know how dairy upsets your belly.
08:22Yeah, I think he likes it.
08:24Oh, we ate up four good minutes here.
08:26Yeah, we better work late tonight.
08:29No one else leaves until they do.
08:35Well, uh, Ninja Robot Pirates shipped out yesterday.
08:38Yeah, you told me that already.
08:39Oh yeah, well, we probably won't know the numbers for a little while, will we?
08:42Probably not.
08:43We could brainstorm some new ideas.
08:44Sure, you start.
08:45Okay, so, how about a game about space?
08:51Lame.
08:52Alright, okay, um, what about motorcycles?
08:56Not rad enough.
08:58What about food?
08:59Not hating it, I like food.
09:01You know who else likes food?
09:02The gang at Game of Vision.
09:03Yeah, they love food.
09:04We should go see them and talk to them about food.
09:07Yes.
09:09Great idea, Mary.
09:11It really makes the game.
09:12I can't believe how many games you have in production right now.
09:14Gee, thanks, I, I, uh...
09:16Are you sure you like this color, Mary?
09:18Because we want you to love it.
09:20Hey, everybody.
09:21Look who's back.
09:22Hey, Mary, uh, just wanted to say hi.
09:24Hey, you must be the guys who used to work here.
09:26You guys must be the guys who like to sit where I tug my rug.
09:28Great meeting you, but we better get back to work.
09:31If I could only cough the word douchebag.
09:33Well, well, well, if it isn't the two hot shot video game tycoons.
09:39Yes, yes we are.
09:40Mr. Rarity, Todd, good to see you.
09:42Just wanted to stop in and say hi to the old gang.
09:44I hear your game debuted today, fellas.
09:47And based on what I hear,
09:49things are moving like a turd after I ate an entire block of Romano cheese.
09:53Which is to say not at all.
09:55I'm saying you're bankrupt.
09:57Oh, no.
09:58Is it, Dave?
09:59Or is it possible I've been bribing Benny here with quaaludes and chewing tobacco
10:03to go through your trash on a daily basis?
10:05And if that's possible,
10:06it just might be possible I called some of my friends
10:09to make sure your little stoner vision venture was DOA.
10:13That stands for dead on your asses, fellas.
10:15Dave, dude, we are so screwed.
10:18Oh, this is the second greatest day of my life.
10:21The first greatest day being the day my father died.
10:24Wow.
10:25What? It allowed me and mother to finally be alone.
10:28Nothing wrong with that.
10:29Whoa, keep your eye on that fella.
10:30Now, if you boys will excuse me,
10:32I gotta go alphabetize my monkey skulls.
10:39Bankrupt, oh, God.
10:40Dude, do not sweat it.
10:41Ow, what the fuck, Jerry?
10:43Well, I'm very much sweating it.
10:46We've gotta find a way to make some of that money back.
10:48Think. What about Larrity?
10:49Maybe we've got our old jobs back.
10:50Snap out of it.
10:51Ow!
10:52Touché. Look, Jerry, Larrity's never gonna give us our jobs back.
10:54Not after what we did.
10:55He already replaced us.
10:56And did you see the wad on that guy?
10:57Dude, he had a python down there.
10:59I don't know.
11:00He couldn't like Sean and Mike as much as he likes us.
11:02Are you two fans of Mozart?
11:03I actually prefer Beethoven.
11:05Give the man some Beethoven and class it up by 10%.
11:08Well, I just wanted to let you know
11:10it's been a pleasure having you two as part of the team.
11:12You guys are the best employees we've ever had at Game of Vision.
11:15If there's anything at all I can do for you,
11:18just let me know.
11:19Actually, sir, there is.
11:20We're gonna need some information.
11:22Sir, we're federal agents.
11:23Ain't coming, you sons of bitches!
11:25I knew there was something rotten about the two of you.
11:27Now, is this about that illegal elephant?
11:29No.
11:30Played a little closer to the vest, big T.
11:31Is this about that psychic hotline scam?
11:33The accident at the shampoo factory?
11:35The white slavery ring?
11:36A three-mile hunt?
11:38The wombat mill?
11:39Torture Academy?
11:40Getting them eagles drunk?
11:41I did not know they were cooking meth
11:43in the back of that bondage club!
11:45Stop it. You're under arrest for tax evasion.
11:47Talk about dodging bullets.
11:48We're ready to strike a deal.
11:49Ah-ha! Perfect!
11:50What do you need?
11:51Your company, your house, and all your money.
11:52Unless there's something else you think we'd like better.
11:54Play me some Queen so I can think.
11:57Had a blast, guys.
11:58Later, Nolan Bushnell.
11:59What about Bellico Vision?
12:00I heard their admin just left to go follow Flock of Seagulls.
12:02Jerry, we're not going to Bellico Vision, dude.
12:03We're gonna leave the country for a while.
12:05Gonna need this duct tape and this handgun.
12:07How could we have been so stupid?
12:09Pans of soup, coupons for pizza time.
12:11When is Mr. Dakota gonna get here?
12:13Now.
12:14Hello, gentlemen.
12:15How are you doing this fine day?
12:17Tony, everything's going really cool.
12:18Hey, buddy, can I get you something?
12:19Maybe like an apple pie or a giant bean bag chair shaped like tits?
12:24No, thank you, David.
12:25I would just like to get my money and be on my way.
12:28About that, there's been just a little glitch in the money.
12:30Is your name David, too?
12:32No, I...
12:33Then why are you talking?
12:34If I wanted to hear from you, I would have spoken to you!
12:38Do you understand?
12:39Dude, why do you always do that?
12:40It's not my fault.
12:41My bladder is easily intimidated.
12:43Now, David, why don't you just hand me my 300,000 and I will be on my way.
12:49Here's the deal.
12:50Ow! What the...
12:51Ow!
12:52Listen, man, there's a slight problem, Tony.
12:53Ow!
12:54Why does everybody keep slapping me?
12:55Because you're a douchebag.
12:56Look, dude, we don't have your money.
12:57I see.
12:58I see where.
12:59You're going to have to rectify the situation in, let's say, 24 hours.
13:03We could probably swing it if you let us roll it in with our student loans.
13:06And I could probably cut off your heads and bring them to your mothers so they can kiss their babies' asses, okay?
13:12How are you going to make our mothers kiss our own asses if you bring them our heads?
13:15You have 24 hours.
13:1824 hours sounds very fair.
13:20Thank you, David.
13:21Until we meet again.
13:22What the hell?
13:23Dave, when you made some calls to find our investor...
13:26I didn't really call anybody.
13:27I just asked my buddy, Jamie, if he knew anybody with big money.
13:30The pot dealer, Jamie?
13:31Uh-huh.
13:32And the guy he knows with big money is probably his drug connection?
13:35Wow, you are really putting the pieces together, Magnum PI.
13:38So what you're saying is that we borrowed $300,012 from a drug lord?
13:42I don't think he's really a lord.
13:43Maybe a prince or a sultan.
13:44Dave!
13:45Even when we sell everything that's left here, we're still in the hock like, oh, God!
13:48Look, dude, we'll figure it out.
13:49This is America.
13:50There's got to be like a million ways to make money in 24 hours.
13:53And if not, I hear the afterlife is pretty sweet.
14:01You don't feel so good, Dave.
14:02Get back in there, dude.
14:03We're up $200.
14:04We only have a few more gallons to go.
14:05That's a wall, dude.
14:06The door is over there.
14:07Strike two, bro.
14:08That's a window.
14:09Still the wall, dude.
14:10That's weird, dude.
14:11Your face is cut, but you're not bleeding.
14:13Dude?
14:14Dude!
14:15Okay, dude, we put every cent of our savings...
14:17You don't have any savings.
14:18We put every cent of your savings on Daddy's Little Whore 2 show.
14:22That's $20,000.
14:23And the odds are 7 to 9, man.
14:25Is that good?
14:26Yeah, I have no idea.
14:27Man the rock!
14:28Payback a drug lord is off to a fast stop!
14:29Why didn't you bet on that horse?
14:30Shh!
14:31Here comes our horse.
14:32And bringing up the rear is Daddy's Little Whore.
14:37Don't worry, folks.
14:38That horse will be just fine.
14:39See?
14:40Don't kill him!
14:41Let him feel the pain!
14:42You stupid piece of horse!
14:44There's only one thing left to do.
14:48Get on the ground, everybody.
14:49We're the Secretaries of the United States and this is a robbery.
14:51Yo, you guys' nickname is terrible.
14:53Just call yourselves the Secretaries of State.
14:55Shut up.
14:56Just put the money in this bag and no one will get hurt.
14:58Correction.
14:59Even if you give us your money, we will shoot you in the face.
15:01That's how crazy we are.
15:02Look at me!
15:03I'm Alexander Haig, bitches!
15:05You're all safe.
15:06He doesn't mean that.
15:07These guns are made of licorice.
15:09Shut up, Jerry.
15:10Fuck you, Dave.
15:11My name is Henry Kissinger.
15:12Oh, yeah?
15:13Well, you look like your name is Joe.
15:14I'm screwing everything up because I'm a huge pussy.
15:15Freeze.
15:16F-B-I.
15:18You're under arrest, you filthy degenerates.
15:20Whoa.
15:21Now take off your clothes so I can scrub you clean with my tongue.
15:24Like a cat.
15:25Okay, Dave.
15:26On the count of three...
15:27Hey, stop him before he gets away!
15:28You're right, Mr. Secretary.
15:29Hold it right there, bad dude.
15:31You wanna dance, Nancy?
15:33Let's dance.
15:40Mr. Larity, I know this might seem like we're groveling, but let me say this.
15:43I know that we set your desk on fire.
15:45No, you set his desk on fire.
15:47Will you let me finish?
15:48Okay, I set your desk on fire, but maybe you taught us to be this way.
15:51Hard-edged, cutthroat businessmen.
15:53Maybe we were just trying to make you proud.
15:55I mean, wouldn't you have been ashamed of me if I hadn't set your desk on fire?
15:57Well, Dave, you do have a valid point there.
15:59So what's all this about?
16:01Between business, we need to borrow a bunch of money.
16:03It'd be just a drop in the bucket for such a successful man as yourself, Mr. Larity, sir.
16:08How much are we talking?
16:21Sorry, boys, I got my own problems.
16:23Please, Mr. Larity, you gotta help us.
16:25Dave got our company funded by a drug lord.
16:27And if we don't get his money back, he's gonna do something bad with our heads and our asses and moms
16:31and something else I didn't fully understand.
16:33I'm pretty sure it's gonna be not good, though.
16:35Hold on a doggone minute.
16:36Did you say he got funded by a...
16:38Drug lord.
16:39Bonafide.
16:40And my boys and I are willing to deliver him right to ya.
16:43Provided, of course, we forget about that other little matter.
16:45The Bondage Club meth lab?
16:46No, the thing you were actually gonna charge me with.
16:48The tax evasion thingy.
16:50So what do you say, boys?
16:51Drugs are bad.
16:52Drugs are really bad.
16:53Maybe the worst.
16:54Totally worse than tax evasion.
16:55Do you think drugs are worse than genocide?
16:57Uh, yeah.
16:58What about nuclear war?
16:59Ooh, what about AIDS?
17:00Oh, what about rogue nuclear scientists with AIDS raping babies?
17:03You, what are you doing there?
17:04Kissing my computer.
17:05Look, as representatives of the federal government,
17:07there's no question in our minds that drugs are the worst thing that's ever happened on planet Earth, ever.
17:11That's a roger, Sean.
17:12And in a big white house on Pennsylvania Avenue,
17:15there's a beautiful lady named Nancy who agrees with us.
17:17So we got a deal?
17:18Deal.
17:24David! David!
17:26I presume you're here because you have my money.
17:29Actually, Mr. Dakota, the notorious drug dealer who has illegal cash and drugs,
17:34we do not actually have your money.
17:36No, you didn't.
17:37Oh, yes, he did.
17:38Help, we need someone with guns!
17:39You are all under arrest.
17:41I knew this was the setup!
17:43That's the way you want to play you no-good sons of bitches?
17:46Then say hello to my little friend!
17:49This is it, dude.
17:50We're finally gonna die and it's all your fault.
17:52I love you, man.
17:53You see, you know, I kissed you when you were sleeping one time, but it was just a joke.
17:57You did what, Dave?
17:58A joke for...
17:59I just got shot in the ass.
18:01Oh, God, that hurts.
18:02Nice work, boys.
18:03Dean, take these corpses over to the usual place.
18:06Sure thing, Todd.
18:07Well, I guess we both got each other out of a little jammed.
18:10I agree, and you know what I'm thinking?
18:11Maybe we should just let bygones be bygones and you can give us our jobs back.
18:15I could probably arrange that.
18:17Ew.
18:18However, we cannot have any bad feelings over the way y'all left.
18:22So if you boys want your jobs back, you're gonna have to make some amends for the rest of your time.
18:27What do you mean, make amends?
18:29This is cruel and unusual punishment.
18:31Why did Todd have to get kicked out of his D&D group?
18:33Very good morrow to thee, fine sirs.
18:35My name is Pardew.
18:37And I am the Traveler of Jorrow.
18:39I have wandered a great distance to trade my potions for your herbs and coin.
18:44What say you?
18:45I am Sandow, Bearer of the Herb.
18:47And I am Penlock, Dark Elf.
18:50Come, let there be dancing and merriment!
18:56I don't see dancing or merriment.
18:58Can we get your act together, fellas?
19:03Done!
19:04With each other.
19:06Yee-haw!
19:08Looks like we got ourselves a cuddle fest!
19:11Hey everybody, come take a look at this!