• 5 months ago
the ghosts of motley hall - season 1 episode 5

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:30I don't know what you're talking about.
00:32I don't know what you're talking about.
00:34I don't know what you're talking about.
00:36I don't know what you're talking about.
00:38I don't know what you're talking about.
00:40I don't know what you're talking about.
00:42I don't know what you're talking about.
00:44I don't know what you're talking about.
00:46I don't know what you're talking about.
00:48I don't know what you're talking about.
00:50I don't know what you're talking about.
00:52I don't know what you're talking about.
00:54I don't know what you're talking about.
00:56I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58I don't know what you're talking about.
01:00I don't know what you're talking about.
01:02I don't know what you're talking about.
01:04I don't know what you're talking about.
01:06I don't know what you're talking about.
01:08I don't know what you're talking about.
01:10I don't know what you're talking about.
01:12I don't know what you're talking about.
01:14I don't know what you're talking about.
01:16I don't know what you're talking about.
01:18I don't know what you're talking about.
01:20I don't know what you're talking about.
01:22I don't know what you're talking about.
01:24I don't know what you're talking about.
01:26I was having a quiet snooze in the orangery.
01:28I was having a quiet snooze in the orangery.
01:30I was having a quiet snooze in the orangery.
01:32All right, all right.
01:34I heard you the first time.
01:36Now that we're all here, what's it all about?
01:38Well, as you all know,
01:40I am writing my memoirs
01:42and I was in the attic rummaging around
01:44for some old letters of mine when I came across this.
01:46It's the Chevrolet Uproar's
01:48History of Motley Hall.
01:50Absolutely fascinating.
01:52It devotes five pages to me.
01:54However, it's not strictly accurate.
01:56It says I was buried at Bognor.
01:58And weren't you?
02:00No, Bertie was buried at Bognor.
02:02Bertie?
02:04Brother Bertie.
02:06Anyway, to cut a long story short...
02:08That would be nice.
02:10Sir Chevrolet says
02:12that Motley Hall was founded in 1577.
02:16So?
02:18Well, don't you see that's exactly 400 years ago?
02:20But it's 1978.
02:22No, it's 1776.
02:24No, it's 1975.
02:26It's 1977. I'm sure of it.
02:28That means
02:30it is the 400th anniversary
02:32of dear old
02:34Motley Hall.
02:38The 400th anniversary.
02:40Don't you understand? What's the matter with you?
02:42We should mark it
02:44with some sort of ceremony.
02:46Why? The place is empty. Nobody lives here.
02:48But we live here.
02:50I can't say we live here.
02:52We frequent the place.
02:54Don't quibble, madam.
02:56We should do something about it.
02:58And there is no time like the present.
03:00That's a matter of opinion.
03:02What do you suggest?
03:04Well, we should...
03:06We should...
03:12We should have a meeting.
03:14Order, order!
03:16Order!
03:20Matt.
03:22Can't we have a party?
03:24No.
03:26Oh, yes, let's. We could play games.
03:28And dance.
03:30The bunny hug.
03:32The what?
03:34The bunny hug. It's American.
03:36Is it?
03:38Well, I don't like the sound of that.
03:40You just don't like parties.
03:42vaulting about in paper hat seems a bit bizarre to me in the present circumstances.
03:49I think it would be more fitting if I unveiled a memorial tablet suitably
03:53inscribed. Motley Hall 1577 1977 for men may come and men may go but I go on
04:03forever. you certainly do. always ready with your tribes agent. we haven't had
04:08many constructive suggestions from you yet. well I thought we might do a mask.
04:14a mask? no no it's a kind of a play. the mask of Motley. scenes of history from a
04:19famous family. oh you mean a play act.
04:24the five of us could play all the parts.
04:26but there'd be no one to watch it. oh yes there would you know I think sir.
04:29what? quite a lot. yes it's quite good. a mask of Motley. that's not a bad idea.
04:37I used to do quite a bit of amateur theatricals myself. chaps in the mess
04:42said I was rather good. remember in Zululand on one occasion did push in
04:45boots. I remember when I was four we did several masks. there was Neptune
04:50Starling that was to celebrate Drake going around the world and then there
04:53was a Gloriana's Triumph over Minerva Venus and Sir Richard Uproar. I wrote
04:57that for the Queen's visit but she never turned up. oh we still did it. at least
05:02we did half of it. that was an accident. he played the part of Cupid.
05:09he had a real bow and arrow. very sharp it was. and just as Sir Richard was bowing low to Venus
05:13Cupid's hand slipped and he caught Sir Richard right in the middle of his opening chorus.
05:17he let out a roar. he converted it down in the village. he ran past me and grabbed my
05:21club because I was playing Hercules at the time. and then he tore after Cupid.
05:24he's running down the road like that. and there's me going behind him trying to pull it in like a
05:28and Cupid's saying help, help, help. and Sir Richard's saying murder, murder. I'll split him in two.
05:33and all the time I'm trying to keep up with Desiree. oh they loved it.
05:38I went to Eve again and said Cupid he didn't know what to do so he's
05:43under this lady Uproar's father. he tore into the ceiling. it was going all up in the air.
05:49Eve again they said. Eve again and the sun's coming down and the pipe men are going forward.
05:54and all of a sudden a harrow comes out and it comes out like a cork out of a bottle.
05:58Sir Richard shot forward. I shot back. Venus shot right up in the air.
06:01she did two galliards, 14 courses of green steams and the first and a half of the gypsies warned me.
06:07we could have run for 12 months.
06:09bravo. look, look. we shall need Cupid in our master.
06:14we shall need a few allegorical figures. shall we? oh yes goddesses.
06:18heroes of antiquity. what's that got to do with Molly Hall?
06:22yeah that's quite right. if I'm going to write this mass...
06:25you said you were going to write it. I did.
06:28if I'm going to write this mass we will only need one allegorical figure and how you shall play it.
06:33what gauge is that? time.
06:45I can't remember what happened to Ebenezer. Ebenezer?
06:49Ebenezer Uproar.
06:51Civil War. Cavaliers and Rounders.
06:54he changed sides so often in the end everybody was after him.
06:57did they catch him? yeah I think so but I'm not sure whether it was King Charles or Oliver Cromwell.
07:03that's odd. what? there's some pages missing. are there?
07:06yeah 218 and 225. they've been torn out. who'd do that?
07:10and why? they haven't been torn out long either. well it wasn't me I can't read.
07:14you make some lovely paper darts don't you? I didn't. I swear it.
07:23have you finished the mass yet? no I'm stuck with the Civil War.
07:27why so? well I want to write a bit about Ebenezer Uproar.
07:31turncoat uproar you know. yes. somebody's torn a lump out of Chevrolet's little masterpiece.
07:36I can't look it up. why would anyone do that?
07:40I can't think who would want to do that.
07:44apart from one of us.
07:47I can't see it matters very much. well I can't write about the Civil War.
07:52what about another song instead? I've already done six. I haven't got the music for you.
07:58I'm sure you'll think of something. you sound just like Burbage.
08:02Burbage! I remember when Will was writing Hamlet he said I don't know how to finish it.
08:07I'm sure you'll think of something said Burbage. how about a nice death scene?
08:11all right said Will. in your dressing room out with a plane.
08:18can't we rehearse what you've written so far?
08:21yeah here are your parts for act one.
08:25we've got to learn this by heart. of course you do. there's a lot of it.
08:29this is only act one. how many acts are there? about eight.
08:33it's gonna be a jolly long mask isn't it?
08:35you can't gallop through 400 years of history in a couple of hours.
08:38where are we going to do it?
08:40here. I'll hang a curtain across here.
08:43and as I'm done I'll pull it.
08:45time reveals all you see.
08:47now we start off with Queen Elizabeth knighting Richard Upwell.
08:51white lady if you can stand over there.
08:53and you Sir George you stand about there.
08:56what do I do?
08:58you stand across here and try to look interesting. you're Essex.
09:02Essex who?
09:04the Earl of Essex.
09:06how does anyone know that?
09:08because I call you Essex.
09:10yes look.
09:12Essex come hither.
09:14hand me thy sword.
09:16oh yes I see.
09:18and do I?
09:20hand her my sword.
09:22of course you do you great ninny. she can't knight you without one can she?
09:25well has she got one of her own?
09:27dammit she's a queen isn't she?
09:29I agree with Fanny Barkin. I do feel that Queen Elizabeth would have her own sword for knighting people with.
09:34well she didn't. she borrowed it from the Earl of Essex. it says so in here.
09:38well...
09:40it also says in there that I was buried in Bogner.
09:42oh get on with it.
09:44turn it up that tone with me sir.
09:46go from good sir.
09:52good sir. you something decomposed appear.
09:56discomposed?
09:58oh.
10:00it's just terrible writing.
10:05dear sir. you something discomposed appear.
10:09surely there's naught that can affright you here.
10:15well go on Sir George. it's you next.
10:18oh yes.
10:20so it is.
10:22majesty my lord!
10:24there's no need to... bellow?
10:27I just want the chaps at the back to be able to hear us all.
10:30don't bother. there aren't any.
10:33majesty madam his thing divine.
10:36if that disturbs you sir I lay by mine.
10:40I've got the plaque.
10:42which one of them saw the pages?
10:44you the man whose glory spread so wide.
10:47for you with life I willingly would part.
10:50that speech proclaims you have been made for her.
10:52give it a try. off you go.
10:54Essex come hither.
10:56hand me thy sword.
10:59Fanny wake up!
11:01give me your sword.
11:05no not like that. kneel in.
11:13and Richard Uproar kneel upon the sword.
11:17yes it's me.
11:19right.
11:22do not be lighted to fool the Earl of Essex. get up!
11:26but Bodkin told me to kneel down.
11:29just the hand of the sword you great potato.
11:32then you get up and back away.
11:35you didn't say anything about getting up and back away.
11:38you talk Fanny!
11:40well do!
11:42I'm sorry I've lost my place.
11:44go from Richard Uproar kneel upon the sword.
11:47go away I'm rehearsing.
11:49I can't read so I'm not sure but it just looks like that other book.
11:52what about Motley?
11:54the history of Motley.
11:56good lad.
11:57are there any pages missing?
11:59no it doesn't appear to be.
12:03now I can write about Ebenezer.
12:06right we'll go back to the beginning.
12:19bait.
12:25do you think anyone will come?
12:27we'll see.
12:28there's something in there they don't want the rest of us to find out about if you ask me.
12:32that's why they tore it out.
12:34where shall we hide?
12:36don't be daft.
12:49oh
13:19where are the missing pages?
13:35why did you tear them out?
13:37how do you know I did it?
13:39I'm asking the questions.
13:40not all of them your honour.
13:41now look here.
13:42no use battering me sir George.
13:44you came back for the book.
13:46yeah all stealthy one.
13:47I was not the least bit stealthy.
13:48yes you were.
13:49I just happened to be a very quiet walker that's all.
13:52why did you want the book?
13:54I was curious.
13:55Fitchhooks.
13:56what's in the missing pages?
13:57how should I know?
13:58they're missing.
13:59all right.
14:00all right.
14:01let's start again.
14:05I don't want to start again.
14:07now listen to me.
14:08why should I?
14:09everything you say is so terribly terribly boring.
14:13madam.
14:14don't you mad at me you puffed up blunderbuss.
14:18I refuse to be humiliated any longer.
14:24and what is more you can find someone else for your silly mask
14:28because I am not going to be in it.
14:35Gemini.
14:36she'll be back.
14:38she's having another of her tantrums that's all.
14:40no she won't.
14:41she's all of a blow.
14:42she ain't coming back.
14:43we can't do the mask without her.
14:45no we can't.
14:46and I was looking forward to being Sussex.
14:49Essex.
14:50that's what comes of having anything to do with someone who doesn't even know who they are.
14:54eh?
14:55I said that's what comes of having anything to do with...
15:00what?
15:02perhaps she's found out.
15:06found out what?
15:08who she is.
15:11Gloriana.
15:13that's it.
15:14the book.
15:16there's something in the book that's told her who she is.
15:21was.
15:24but...
15:26why did she tear the pages out?
15:30because...
15:31she doesn't want us to know who she is.
15:36why?
15:38I don't know.
15:40we'd have to read the missing pages wouldn't we?
15:47where do you think she is?
15:50you can never tell with her.
15:52she could be anywhere.
15:54the cellars.
15:55west wing.
15:56long gallery.
15:58she's confounded mood at the best of times.
16:01you remember Christmas?
16:04you remember Christmas when we caught her cheating at monotony?
16:07you mean monopoly.
16:09I know what I mean.
16:11she's soaked in the cellars for a month.
16:14and if it hadn't been for you Fanny...
16:17Fanny?
16:19Fanny?
16:21white lady?
16:23it's me.
16:24Francis.
16:26are you up there?
16:31white lady?
16:32go away!
16:34but...
16:35go away!
16:36you've been sent by the others haven't you?
16:39no.
16:40odds barred I am your humble servant and resolve to help you in your misfortune.
16:44can I trust you?
16:46absolutely.
16:47you won't tell the others will you?
16:49certainly not.
16:58there.
17:00oh yes.
17:03well don't you want to know why I did it?
17:05not if you'd rather not tell me.
17:07I must tell someone.
17:09all right then.
17:10no I can't.
17:11well never mind then.
17:15I found out who I am.
17:17oh.
17:19are you somebody famous?
17:21in a way.
17:2217th century?
17:23yes.
17:24the upper family?
17:25no.
17:26related?
17:27no.
17:28connected?
17:29yes.
17:30lived here?
17:31no.
17:33how many have I had so far?
17:35this isn't a game you idiot!
17:39it came as a terrible shock to me.
17:42I opened that book and...
17:44there he was.
17:47the old fireplace.
17:49the other side!
17:54Gail didn't she like you?
17:56it is me you nitwit!
17:58read the name underneath.
18:00uh... Lady Perfidia Blackart.
18:03there.
18:04what do you say to that?
18:08I've always thought of you as an Emma.
18:12I am Lady Blackart.
18:14the infamous Lady Blackart.
18:17how do you do?
18:20infamous?
18:21no wonder I could never remember who I was.
18:24no wonder I'm earthbound.
18:26doomed forever to walk within the walls of Motley.
18:29walls echoing endlessly with the cries of my victims.
18:34victims?
18:36sit down.
18:37I'd rather stand if you don't mind.
18:39sit!
18:42it's all in here.
18:44how I worked for Cromwell.
18:47how he sent me on a dreadful mission.
18:51how I arrived whilst great flashes of lightning rent the heavens
18:56and the wind and rain howled round the house
18:59hard and sobbed like the souls of the damned.
19:05shall I go on?
19:07all right but I shan't sleep.
19:12I told them I'd lost my way.
19:14I was loyal to the king I said.
19:17come in come in said Ebenezer.
19:22you must be chilled to the very bone.
19:25I smiled at the treacherous dog and his brood as we sat down to supper.
19:30what brood?
19:32he had a wife and ten children.
19:34how I would scotch that nest of vipers!
19:39you mean...
19:42you did...
19:46a poisoned ring.
19:48oh it's bad.
19:50all of them?
19:55as the servant finished pouring wine into my goblet
19:58I pretended to steady the flagon
20:01and secretly dropped in the fatal tincture.
20:05fatal tincture?
20:07but...
20:09my plan misfired.
20:11did it?
20:12it was young Henry's fault.
20:14he swapped his goblet with mine when I wasn't looking.
20:18you mean you... yes with my own poison.
20:20Henry was the only survivor.
20:23what a frightful tale.
20:25no wonder you tore the pages out.
20:28but white lady...
20:30I'm not white lady anymore.
20:32I am Perfidia Blackart.
20:36I wish you weren't.
20:38I haven't told you the worst yet.
20:40the worst?
20:41apparently I go peculiar at the full moon.
20:46uh England?
20:50it is said that Lady Blackart committed all her crimes when the moon was full
20:54and research indicates that this may have been the case.
20:58you see?
21:00but you've never gone peculiar at the full moon.
21:02not particularly peculiar anyhow.
21:05I didn't know I was Lady Perfidia then did I?
21:09Fanny!
21:11tell them everything. I'm sure they'll understand.
21:14I can't!
21:22what was you doing up there?
21:24nothing.
21:44why you...
21:50I have your name!
21:52I say Boris that's not fair!
21:56Gloriana!
21:58she's Perfidia Blackart.
22:00Perfidia Blackart?
22:03made Lacusa Borgia look like a brownie.
22:05that's what happened to her beneath the sea.
22:07massacre at Motley.
22:09this is ghastly.
22:11no wonder she's half bound.
22:13look this comes a dreadful shock to her.
22:15ain't done me a lot of good.
22:17the woman's a monster. I know she's been peculiar at times but she's never had a fly.
22:21she'll have to go.
22:23you haven't read what it says about...
22:26the full moon.
22:28oh stuffy old book. haven't we Fanny?
22:30well in the stables where we took people we found them.
22:33shouldn't it be the same with us good or bad?
22:36we've done with living and dying too come to that.
22:39haven't we Fanny?
22:41gentlemen.
22:43excuse me.
22:47fine 400th anniversary this has turned out to be.
22:51no mask, Perfidia Blackart and now there's trouble amongst us.
22:55we'll have to keep watch on her day and night particularly by night.
23:00we've got to find her first.
23:02they want to get rid of you.
23:04that's ridiculous. I have as much right to be here as they have.
23:07you're going to have to stop materializing for some time.
23:10I didn't ask to be Lady Perfidia.
23:12I shall materialize whenever I want to.
23:15you're in the swing. I heard Bodkin say the bell tower's next.
23:18come on.
23:20no.
23:30ah there you are.
23:32advance and apprehend.
23:34it's all right. I'm giving myself up.
23:37I'm not going to sulk for weeks in drafty corners while you two look for me.
23:42at least I know who my real friends are.
23:44I shall go down and stay in the cellars if that will make you feel happier.
23:48no I won't allow it.
23:50I've made up my mind. as a matter of fact
23:53I think I shall prefer it.
23:56we're glad you're taking it like this. ain't we Bodkin?
24:01yeah it makes things a lot easier all round.
24:05and safer of course.
24:09farewell.
24:16seems a bit hard.
24:19I know.
24:22it was her own decision though.
24:27yes.
24:28I have to admire
24:30plenty of pluck.
24:32yes.
24:33it's gonna seem odd without her.
24:35not seeing her in her old haunts.
24:39no more
24:40bridge parties.
24:42errata?
24:44what's errata?
24:46Latin. errors. mistakes. singula erratum.
24:50the picture on page 212 is not Lady Blackart.
24:55Lady Blackart's portrait is to be found facing page 258.
25:00that means...
25:02she's not Lady Blackart!
25:05and never was!
25:07you're not Lady Blackart!
25:09you can kick me if you like!
25:11do you understand? you're not Lady Blackart!
25:13but it says so under my picture.
25:15the picture's wrongly labeled.
25:17hip hip hurrah!
25:19if I'm not her
25:21who am I?
25:25the portrait on page 212
25:28should read.
25:30go on. go on!
25:32who am I?
25:37should read her.
25:40portrait
25:42of an unknown lady.
25:45who is she?
26:15who is she?