"The Thin Blue Line," released in 1995, is a British sitcom created and written by Ben Elton. The show is set in the fictional English town of Gasforth and follows the comedic antics of the local police force. Starring Rowan Atkinson as Inspector Raymond Fowler, the series portrays the humorous day-to-day activities and relationships of the officers, including the strict Sergeant Patricia Dawkins (played by Serena Evans) and the dim-witted Constable Kevin Goody (played by James Dreyfus). Known for its witty dialogue and satirical take on police procedures, "The Thin Blue Line" combines slapstick humor with sharp social commentary, making it a beloved classic in British television comedy.
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TVTranscript
00:30Good afternoon, carry on, sit down, sit down.
00:38Now then everybody, I have exciting news, exciting news indeed.
00:43Gatsworth has been selected to host the next sub-district regional police conference.
00:50Yes, I thought you'd be excited.
00:54When I read the letter this morning, I nearly had to have another cup of tea.
00:59We are to have an opportunity to put our views to a deputy assistant under-secretary
01:04of state to the cabinet.
01:06A man who has the ear of a man who has the ear of a man who has a foot in the Home Office.
01:12You've lost me completely now, sir.
01:16We are just two ears and a foot from the Home Secretary.
01:20We must not waste this chance to place the issues that really count right at the heart
01:24of government.
01:25You're absolutely right, sir.
01:26Let's ask the old git for pay rise.
01:28There are some of us, Councillor Habib, who believe that there is more to policing than
01:32the weekly stipend.
01:33Yes, like being able to drive through red lights when you feel like it.
01:36I beg your pardon?
01:39And really cool riot gear like they have on RoboCop.
01:43And tear gas.
01:44I had to go with that once.
01:45It was brilliant.
01:46In fact, you have to check which way the wind is blowing because I'd forgotten it didn't
01:50half sting.
01:51Goody.
01:54Tell him what those long truncheons they have on NYPD Blue.
01:57Don't be absurd, Constable.
01:59Those telegraph poles that American officers carry are just so much macho posturing.
02:04The traditional truncheon is perfectly adequate.
02:07Personally, I've always felt more than satisfied with 14 inches hanging down inside my trousers.
02:16Have I said something amusing, Constable Habib?
02:18No, sir.
02:19Then you will oblige me by wiping that silly grin off your face.
02:24The subject of the conference is rather specific.
02:27We have been asked to prepare an initiative on an aspect of juvenile crime.
02:32So what do you think it should be?
02:34Truancy?
02:35Taken without consent?
02:37The scourge of graffiti?
02:39I don't see graffiti as a scourge, sir.
02:41I see it as a new urban art form.
02:45Have you run mad, Constable Habib?
02:48No, I'm serious, sir.
02:49Isn't it just a vibrant and contemporary form of youth expression?
02:52No, it's a bunch of nasty little yobs scribbling our walls.
02:56I blame these awful fridge magnets.
03:04Yes, and for those of us who are conducting this briefing on earth...
03:09I've seen it at my niece's house.
03:11Every time her toddler does a nasty little scribble, it gets stuck up on the fridge.
03:15Yes...
03:17And everyone has to say how nice it is.
03:20So young people grow up thinking that their stupid scribblings are somehow wonderful.
03:25So they carry on scribbling,
03:27forever searching for that warm glow of appreciation
03:31that they used to feel when standing round the fridge.
03:37Yes, and that completes this week's training session
03:39for the Gasforth Police Synchronised Idiots team.
03:43Perhaps we could return to the subject of juvenile crime.
03:46I think the first step is to stop seeing these kids as nothing but criminal thugs, sir.
03:50And what other description might one find
03:52for those who vandalise property, steal cars
03:55and instruct me whenever I venture out in my helmet
03:58to remove the cold tit from my head?
04:02These kids are bored.
04:03We've got to provide them with some meaning in their lives.
04:06Well, yes, Constable Habib.
04:07In fact, I was thinking along similar lines.
04:09What do you suggest we do to bring about this sense of moral renewal?
04:12Well, we need real jobs, decent housing.
04:15We need long-term investment in the urban social infrastructure.
04:19Hmm.
04:20Yes, I was thinking more along the lines of a short camping trip.
04:25A camping trip?
04:27A bleeding camping trip?
04:30Blimey!
04:32Am I to take it that you do not approve of my proposed initiative?
04:35Yes, you may take it, Raymond,
04:37and you may shove it up your truncheon, pal.
04:40Society is collapsing round our ears
04:43and Baden-Powell here calls for a chorus of ging-gang ghoulies.
04:49Ging-gang ghoulie.
04:51What?
04:52The ghoulies are singular.
04:54The song you refer to goes
04:56ging-gang ghoulie, ghoulie, ghoulie, ghoulie, watch her,
04:59ging-gang ghoulie, ging-gang ghoulie...
05:01Power!
05:03We are discussing youth crime,
05:05which will not be solved by shoving a sausage on a stick
05:09and whistling kumbaya.
05:12It's war out there, mate, war,
05:14and the bleeding kids are winning.
05:16It's not war, Derek, or anything of the sort.
05:19The vast majority of young people are law-abiding citizens.
05:23I admit we don't like them.
05:26But if it were illegal to be sex-mad, tone-deaf,
05:29and impossible to understand,
05:31we should have to arrest the entire population of France.
05:34Our problem is the tiny minority of repeat offenders.
05:37Exactly.
05:38And what they need is a short, sharp shot, mate,
05:41not having their coddles mollied.
05:43I have no intention of mollying anyone.
05:46What I'm proposing is tough, demanding,
05:48but ultimately rewarding physical endeavour.
05:51There is a course for probationary young offenders
05:53run by Brigadier Blaster Sump.
05:55Blaster Sump? That loony.
05:58I admit he's eccentric.
05:59Eccentric? A bloke trying to be eccentric?
06:01I admit he's eccentric.
06:02Eccentric? A bloke trying to be the first man
06:04to reach the South Pole in short trousers?
06:08Look, I'm not having you disgracing this station
06:12with a load of wishy-washy diddums,
06:16half-cock-up-your-social-worker,
06:18foldy-roll-blame-it-on-society,
06:22psycho-sicko-socio-clap-trap-crap.
06:26Well, at least I'm doing something.
06:29What are you doing?
06:30Nothing.
06:31Where's your passion?
06:32Your commitment?
06:34Do you know what your trouble is, don't you?
06:36You've no bottom, man.
06:39Did you just call me a man with no bottom?
06:43Yes, I did.
06:44Apart, of course, from the one you used to communicate with.
06:48Right.
06:49Well, I'll show you who's got the bigger bottom
06:51round this station.
06:53Well, I'll show you who's got the bigger bottom
06:55round this station.
06:57CID are going to make a presentation.
06:59I'll show the conference what you do
07:01with juvenile offenders.
07:03You nick them, you lock them up
07:05and you throw away the door.
07:07Throw away the key.
07:09You throw away the key.
07:14All right, sir, let's see your driving licence.
07:16Do you have any idea who my father is?
07:18I'm afraid I can't help you on that one, sir.
07:20What do you reckon, sir?
07:23Have you tried asking your mother?
07:28What do you reckon, sir?
07:30I see.
07:33Very nice.
07:34Very ravey.
07:36Well, you've got to make the effort, don't you, sir?
07:37Yes, you have, Craig.
07:38Because this is a very important operation.
07:41Now, it's my arse
07:43and if you stuff it,
07:44I'm going to end up very red in the face.
07:46Now,
07:48the kids in this squat
07:50are the nastiest little gits in the neighbourhood, aren't they?
07:52All repeat offenders, sir.
07:54Right. All we have to do is catch them at it.
07:56It's undercover operation, constables.
07:58Very sensitive stuff.
08:00Now,
08:02I'm a van driver,
08:04as you can see.
08:06You two will have to play the part
08:08of brain-dead juvenile morons.
08:11I'd probably be better off
08:13using some of Fowler's lot.
08:16Here we are.
08:18Craig?
08:19Yeah?
08:20I said a good one.
08:21I said I'd probably be better off...
08:23Brilliant, sir.
08:25Try not to be too hilarious.
08:27I've only got one pair of these trousers.
08:29Well, anyway.
08:31Down to business.
08:33I'll show the sub-district regional police conference
08:35what sort of kids the modern copper has to face.
08:37Nothing but villains and hooligans,
08:39the lot of them.
08:40Do you know what?
08:42There's only one way to deal with it.
08:44We can put the hospitals
08:46inside the juvenile detention centres.
08:48What?
08:50Out of the mum
08:52and into the cell?
08:54Yeah.
08:56That's a very good idea, Craig.
08:58I may suggest that to the Home Secretary.
09:02I'm really looking forward
09:04to going on this camping trip, you know.
09:06Really getting back to basics.
09:08I always think that food
09:10tastes so much better
09:12Oh, yes.
09:14It'll be good getting right back to nature
09:16and living life in the raw.
09:18You're not thinking of taking your clothes off, are you, Kevin?
09:20As if.
09:22My mother would do her raving nana.
09:24Oh, good, good.
09:26Because I always saw that naturism
09:28is a very dangerous idea.
09:30I mean, it would only take one short-sighted squirrel.
09:32Well, squirrels
09:34is all we're likely to see on this camping trip.
09:36Do you know?
09:38I wish there were still proper, dangerous wild animals.
09:41Then I could save Constable Habib from one
09:43and she'd fall in love with me.
09:45Well, lots of women are scared of spiders.
09:47Maybe Maggie is.
09:49If I put one in her tent, maybe you could save her from it.
09:51Yes, yes, yes. That's quite a good plan.
09:53But the only problem is
09:55is that I wouldn't go within five million miles
09:57of any tent that had a spider in it.
10:03More social reports on juvenile repeat offenders, sir.
10:05Mostly connected with drugs and alcohol.
10:07Oh.
10:09Curry dumplings.
10:11It really is very depressing, isn't it?
10:13I just want to show a few youngsters
10:15that innocent pastimes can be fun, too.
10:17Yes, sir.
10:19I mean, I didn't need drink and drugs
10:21to have a good time when I was their age.
10:23I had Meccano.
10:27Ecstasy?
10:29I'll tell you what ecstasy is.
10:31Completing a scale model of the fourth bridge.
10:33That's what ecstasy is.
10:35It makes me sad
10:37to see these children today
10:39with their drugs and sex and music.
10:41They'll never know
10:43the joy a young lad can have
10:45sitting alone in his room
10:49with his tool
10:51in his hand
10:53tightening his little nuts.
10:59Sounds like you've got a cough coming on there, Constable.
11:01Yeah.
11:05Listen to them.
11:07Ruddy morons.
11:09High on ecstasy, no doubt.
11:13Yeah, well, if that girl's on ecstasy,
11:15she should ask for her money back.
11:17Baz!
11:21I've done it, Baz.
11:23I told you it'd be easy.
11:25It's the most terrible thing I've ever had to do in my life.
11:27Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible.
11:29Did you give me fags?
11:31Right, you two, this is it.
11:33Let's hear your inane giggles.
11:37Not bad, not bad.
11:39We'll make detectives of you yet.
11:41Go on, then. Go and do your stuff.
11:45Yeah, what's happening, man?
11:47Nice one. Yeah, happening.
11:49Sounds like a pain to the brain.
11:51Yeah, got any heat? I want a score.
11:53Bog off, copper.
12:01Some kids kicked over our bins, Pat.
12:03I was clearing it up a bit and I found this.
12:05You shouldn't have picked it up. It could be a bomb.
12:07Well, if it is,
12:09it's a stink bomb.
12:17Mm-hm.
12:19The social services are coming to take her to hospital
12:21in about half an hour.
12:23No hurry.
12:25How could somebody just dump their baby like that?
12:27She's so beautiful.
12:29She's ugly, Pat.
12:31All newborn babies are.
12:33They're like prunes.
12:35They get nice, but they start ugly.
12:37Well, how would you look after you'd spent
12:39nine months in somebody's stomach?
12:41That's true, that's true.
12:43I've seen things that haven't spent
12:45more than five minutes in my stomach.
12:47You know,
12:49I wouldn't want to go wheeling
12:51them wrong Tesco's in a bra.
12:53Habib,
12:55let's all hance the pumps.
12:58There's been a disturbance at the Britannia Social Club.
13:00Some kind of right-wing meeting has developed
13:02into an affray.
13:04Oh, if it's fascist, sir, am I the best person to go?
13:06I might provoke things.
13:08What do you mean?
13:10Well, sir, I'm Asian.
13:12I don't care if you've just
13:14beamed down from Venus, Constable.
13:16You are a police officer
13:18and we recognise only one colour,
13:20that of the thin blue line.
13:22Oh, for God's sake, Raymond, don't be such a pompous git.
13:24As a matter of fact,
13:26I did not hear that.
13:28I said don't be such a pompous git.
13:30Now look,
13:32you've upset baby.
13:34Everyone's the worst.
13:36Happy Christmas.
13:38Never, never, never, never, never, never,
13:40we'll be sly.
13:42Keep the noise down or I will lose my temper.
13:44Oh.
13:46Into the cells.
13:48No, not next Christmas.
13:50Paddy, calm. Get back to frigging curry land.
13:52You ain't fit enough to lick English boots.
13:54What did you say?
13:56It's all right, Kevin.
13:58I said she's a black tart and she should go back to the jungle.
14:04I'm telling my mum.
14:06Oh, no.
14:08You shouldn't have done that, Kevin.
14:10But thanks.
14:17Is she?
14:19Is she?
14:21She's a bit of a wispy wind.
14:23When I had her, I found that just rubbing her back
14:25and the tiniest drop of cow-pool on her dummy
14:27and she'd go down.
14:29Yes, I know I only had her for three-quarters of an hour,
14:31but...
14:33Anyway, just make sure she's not sleeping on her tummy
14:35and... Goodbye.
14:39Do you want to know something?
14:41No.
14:43Ten years from now, there won't be a woman on the force.
14:45Do you know why?
14:47Women's lib.
14:49Cos if you do, bosh, 200 grand compensation.
14:53I don't see why a woman should lose her job
14:55for performing an essential function of existence.
14:57That's fine.
14:59Except your average villain objects to being interviewed
15:01by a copper with leaking nipples.
15:05Catch-22, innit?
15:07Can't do the job, can't be sacked.
15:09Answer, don't take them on in the first place.
15:11But all women want babies, anyway.
15:13All women want babies.
15:15They say they don't, then bang, they turn 30
15:18Quick, put a bun in me oven before me gas runs out.
15:22You are such a Neanderthal.
15:24Aye?
15:26But you're in your 30s, you aren't desperate for a child, are you?
15:28No, not at all.
15:30Not desperate.
15:32You have to remember the restrictions babies bring.
15:34The sleepless nights.
15:36The sick all over everything.
15:38The fat little cheeks you just want to gobble up.
15:40Laughs, smiles.
15:42I can take it or leave it.
15:44Habib?
15:46You and Goody in my office.
15:48Now.
15:50Constable Goody?
15:52I've received a very serious complaint.
15:54Did you punch
15:56a handcuffed
15:5815-year-old boy last night
16:00while taking him to the cells?
16:02He was defending me, sir.
16:04He was defending you, Constable Habib.
16:06Oh, I see.
16:08And exactly what threat did this
16:10securely handcuffed juvenile pose?
16:12Was he threatening to wither you
16:14with a glance?
16:16He was using racist abuse, sir.
16:18The boy has swastikas tattooed
16:20on his arms.
16:22What did you expect him to do?
16:24Give you a chorus of ebony and ivory?
16:28You fool, Goody.
16:30You bloody fool.
16:32Suppose the lad had sustained brain damage?
16:34How would we tell?
16:36Don't you dare be facetious with me.
16:38I'm sorry, sir.
16:40I'm afraid we're a long way past sorry, Constable.
16:44You have created an appallingly serious situation.
16:48I'm going to have to charge you with assault.
16:50Sir, you can't.
16:52Did Goody hit the boy, Constable Habib?
16:54Yes, sir.
16:56Was Goody or anyone else in any physical danger at the time?
16:58No, sir.
17:00Under the circumstances, then, what do you consider
17:02to be my duty?
17:04You could issue a severe reprimand, sir.
17:06I'm afraid I do not have that option, Constable.
17:08You are his pressing charges.
17:10Constable Goody,
17:12you will continue with your duties
17:14pending an investigation for unprovoked assault.
17:16Yes, sir.
17:18That will be all.
17:20These boots are killing me.
17:22You should have stopped them with damp newspaper
17:24and leave overnight.
17:26Ah, good, good. Carry on, carry on.
17:28Marvellous.
17:32Well, Sergeant, we're off.
17:34It is a far, far better thing I do
17:37than I have ever done.
17:39We shall drive to the Squat,
17:41collect a minibus full of miscreants
17:43and escort them along the rocky path
17:45to the Straight and Narrow.
17:47Yes, Raymond.
17:49And perhaps next weekend you could take the Arabs
17:51and the Israelis to Chessington Zoo for the day.
17:53Cheer,
17:55oh, cheer.
17:57Deep, deep, deep.
17:59Top, top, top.
18:01Lovely legs,
18:03Raymond.
18:05You watch out for those sheep.
18:07They'll nibble your toggle, mate.
18:09Are you sure I can't
18:11persuade you to come, Derek?
18:13I'm a policeman, not a bleeding girl guide,
18:15Raymond.
18:17Besides, I'm rather busy tonight.
18:19While you fanny about
18:21rewarding young offenders,
18:23I shall be nicking a few.
18:25Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
18:31Go, go, go, go, go!
18:33Come on, come on!
18:35Go, go, go, go, go, go!
18:39Right, they've had long enough.
18:41Cray, give it some mullet.
18:43They're out, man.
18:45Some of your lot have taken them camping.
18:49Fowler has nicked my villains.
18:59My name's Blaster Sump, damn you.
19:03Now,
19:05you play a straight bat with me
19:07and you'll find we'll rub along
19:09pretty well together.
19:11Use a bent bat, however, a wobbly bat,
19:13a bat with a hole in it and bits sticking out
19:15at the end, and by thunder
19:17I'll crush your young testicles beneath
19:19the hard granite of the mull of Ben Craggy.
19:21And those of the party
19:23who are not equipped with testicles?
19:25The victims of tragic accidents, you mean.
19:27No, I mean girls.
19:29Fortunately, I've never been called upon
19:31quite the other way round, as a matter of fact.
19:35Hell's tits.
19:37Yes? Brigadier Blaster Sump?
19:39Damn you, what do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?
19:43Damn technology.
19:45The present from Mrs. Blaster Sump
19:47God rot her vicious soul.
19:49I said, do you want to buy me something useful?
19:51Then give me a big stick
19:53with a nail in the end and somebody who deserves
19:55a damn good thrashing.
19:57Eh? Eh?
20:01Now, here's your gear.
20:03You'll find everything you could possibly need
20:05from lavatory paper to sandpaper.
20:07Don't confuse the two.
20:09I did myself once.
20:11Not a wholly unpleasant experience,
20:13but then I went to Charterhouse.
20:15Right.
20:17Well, I think that's everything.
20:19Let's get up that mountain like a ferret up a trouser leg.
20:23Brigadier Blaster Sump?
20:26I'm a trained orienteer,
20:28as are two of my officers.
20:30We wish only to use your equipment.
20:32Damn you, you bitch!
20:34Are you telling me I'm off the team?
20:36Reluctantly, sir, yes.
20:38Oh, well, probably just as well.
20:40I like to sleep naked when I'm out of doors.
20:42I don't want you young ladies getting all flushed
20:44and dampened, do we?
20:46It's not that I cut quite such a dash as I used to
20:48since that savage encounter with a short-sighted squirrel.
20:50All right, then.
20:52Off you go, and last one to the summit's a Eurofederalist.
20:54Come on!
20:56Go away with you!
21:02Now,
21:04when I was a boy
21:06schooled back in Trinidad,
21:08they taught us all to light a fire with a stick
21:10and a piece of string.
21:12I could never understand why
21:14because I found it a lot easier
21:16to use matches.
21:20Well,
21:22long walk tomorrow.
21:24Best turn in.
21:26Great heavenly chestnuts!
21:28My sleeping bag will be a welcome sight tonight.
21:34Unless, of course, I can interest anyone
21:36in a chorus or two of ging-gang-gully-gully.
21:40Sir! Sir! Natalie's disappeared!
21:44Natalie!
21:46Natalie!
21:48Natalie!
21:52Nothing at all, sir.
21:54She's vanished.
21:56What on earth could have moved the girl to abscond like that?
21:58One wrong step in the dark
22:00and she could fall to her death.
22:02Inspector Fowler! We've found her.
22:04This is your fault, Baz! You made me do it!
22:06Do what?
22:08Tell me what this nonsense is all about, boy,
22:10or by thunder you live to regret it!
22:12It's the baby.
22:14I told her to get rid of it,
22:16so the silly cow dumped it by some rubbish outside your nick.
22:18She reckons it got thrown away.
22:20You killed it.
22:22Say so what? Who cares?
22:24It probably weren't mine anyway.
22:26Why, you little...
22:30Natalie.
22:32I found your baby.
22:34You found her?
22:36Yeah, she's all right. She's in hospital.
22:38You didn't kill her.
22:40I didn't mean it.
22:42I do love her.
22:44Well, I think it's time we all got some rest.
22:47As you go to sleep,
22:49I want you to think hard about the lessons learned today.
22:51Think about...
22:53turning over a new leaf.
22:57Will you do that?
22:59Yes, Inspector Fowler.
23:01Good night.
23:16Oh, bugger!
23:22Habib, that is enough!
23:24I cannot drop the charges against Constable Goody.
23:26The boy's mother is here now.
23:28There is nothing I can do about it.
23:30I bet you could do something about it
23:32if you really wanted to.
23:34Don't be insubordinate, Constable.
23:36But you don't want to, because you think he should be charged.
23:38And why?
23:40Because a precise letter of the law
23:42is more important to you than justice.
23:44You don't understand what Kevin did.
23:46You nearly slapped our thug on the mountain.
23:48And had I done so, I would expect to face the consequences.
23:50We do not have a choice in this matter.
23:52The police cannot choose
23:54when and when not to enforce the law.
23:56If we do that,
23:58how can we expect the public ever to trust us?
24:00If I could see a way out of this,
24:02believe me, I'd take it.
24:04But I can't.
24:06Ah, come in.
24:08Please, sit down.
24:12Now, then,
24:14Mrs. Bludger,
24:16you have brought charges of assault
24:18against one of my officers.
24:20Where's the thug that hit my defenceless boy?
24:22Little Geoffrey here could have been
24:24permanently brain-damaged.
24:26Possibly.
24:28But I cannot imagine how he would turn up.
24:30I'm afraid he's gone.
24:32I'm afraid so.
24:34But I cannot imagine how he would tell.
24:38I want to know from the lad himself
24:40exactly what happened.
24:42I ain't talking to no cop without my lawyer.
24:44You bleeding well talk to him
24:46or I'll beat you up up in the pub!
24:54Mrs. Bludger,
24:56are you aware of the European law
24:58regarding the treatment of minors?
25:00Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
25:02Your defence?
25:04I'm arresting you for assaulting your child.
25:06Do what?
25:08On the other hand, of course,
25:10we could forget the whole thing.
25:14Well, I hope you learnt your lesson, laddie.
25:16Yes, I have, sir. Thank you for asking.
25:20Of all the juveniles in Gasparth
25:22and you have to pinch mine!
25:26We worked damn hard on that pool.
25:28Didn't we, Craig?
25:30Now I've got nothing to present
25:32to the deputy assistant under-secretary
25:34at the sub-district regional conference.
25:36What, Eric?
25:38I've been thinking.
25:40Oh, God, Silas!
25:42The conference is about youth.
25:44Who better to discuss it
25:46than youthful coppers?
25:48You have a story to tell,
25:50Constable Goody.
25:52Perhaps conference should hear it.
25:54Yes, I think it should.
26:00What story would that be, then?
26:10I couldn't believe the crush at the checkout.
26:12I was in the six-items-or-less queue
26:14and the woman in front of me
26:16had some special-offer toothpaste,
26:18a big tube with a little one sellotaped on for free.
26:20Well, that's two items, isn't it?
26:22It's quarter up to seven.
26:24Seven items in the six-items queue.
26:26I cannot stand that!
26:28And you're right not to.
26:30That type of antisocial behaviour
26:32corrupts the entire system.
26:34I hope you said something.
26:36I very nearly said something.
26:38Well, you should have said something.
26:40I was going to say something.
26:42Then I saw these on a promotional stand by the till.
26:44I just couldn't resist them.
26:46What do you think?
26:48I don't think they'll fit you.
26:50I don't know why I got them, really.
26:52It's just they were on special
26:54and it seemed silly not to.
26:56Well, I have to think about these things.
26:58I'm not getting any younger.
27:00Nobody gets any younger, Patricia.
27:02Not with the possible exception of Joan Collins.
27:04It's just a fact of life.
27:06It's all very well for you.
27:08You've been married. You've had a child.
27:10Yes, and he's the best argument
27:12I can think of for not having another.
27:14Besides which,
27:16we haven't got time to start a family.
27:18Mars is not an occupation
27:20one can walk away from at the end of the day.
27:22I'm a police officer.
27:24You're a police officer.
27:26I am also a woman.
27:28I know that, Patricia.
27:30But you must get a grip.
27:32There is no place in the Queen's uniform
27:34for ill-disciplined hormones.
27:40You do realise, Patricia,
27:42that if you hit me with that halibut,
27:44you lay yourself open to charges of assault.
27:48Give me the fish, Patricia.
27:50Give me the fish.
27:52Give me the fish.
28:00You may think yourself lucky
28:02that we're not having a leg of lamb
28:04for supper tonight,
28:06or this whole incident could have been much more...
28:22.
28:24.
28:26.
28:28.
28:30.
28:32.
28:34.
28:36.
28:38.