Me and My Girl S1 Episode 6
Me and My Girl S1 Episode 6
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FunTranscript
00:00My girl and me know that our love will last forever
00:08My girl and me know that we two belong together
00:14But sometimes it seems I shatter our dreams
00:21With some careless word or foolish lie
00:28Me and my girl we've got each other
00:32Whatever life may send us
00:36Me and my girl we've got each other
00:39However life may bend us
00:43Sure we'll see tears fall
00:47Love never was all rainbows
00:52But they'll always be
00:57Me and my girl
00:59My girl and me
01:28Are you alright?
01:30Who left this in the middle of the room?
01:32Sorry, it's Penny's lacrosse stick.
01:34Oh, hello Penny.
01:35Hello Mr Harrop.
01:36So you play lacrosse, do you?
01:38No.
01:39But this is your stick?
01:40Yes.
01:41So you're thinking of taking it up?
01:43No.
01:44It's her mum's room.
01:46She was captain of the lacrosse team and wants Penny to be the same.
01:49But I'm so rotten and I never get again.
01:51Yes, and she gets prickly heaps she runs about.
01:53Then I get patterns in front of my eyes and they get bigger and bigger and then everything goes black.
01:58That means she's fainted.
02:00One week I fainted six times.
02:03Well done, Penny.
02:05Do you want to see how I do it?
02:07I can if you like.
02:08No, no, no, no, no, no, Penny, Penny, Penny, it's alright Penny.
02:11No, I think the two of you just better get back to your homework, OK?
02:14My dad always helps me.
02:16Yes, but he's really brainy.
02:18Well, thank you very much.
02:21It's just, it's a bit complicated.
02:23It's physics.
02:24Physics?
02:25One of my best subjects at school.
02:27Really?
02:28Oh, yes, I was at wizard phys.
02:29Now, which bit don't you understand?
02:32Faraday's second law of electrolysis.
02:37Uh-huh, uh-huh.
02:39Yeah, so that's what's giving you problems, is it, Sam?
02:42Do you understand it?
02:43Well, of course, it is, it is, it is some time since I've studied.
02:47Faraday's second law of electrolysis.
02:49Yes, thank you, Penny.
02:51Faraday's second law of, uh...
02:54Electrolysis.
02:55Thank you, Penny, I know what we're talking about.
02:58It's just that I'm most probably a bit more familiar with Faraday's first law.
03:03Oh, yes.
03:04The mass of any substance liberated during electrolysis
03:07is proportional to the quantity of electricity which passes through.
03:11Yes, yes, that's the one, yes.
03:13Hello, Mr. Howard.
03:14Hello, Maddy.
03:15Now then, has everybody had enough to eat?
03:18Just a minute, Maddy, please, please.
03:19Oh, please may I have another slice of coffee walnut cake?
03:22That'll be your fourth slice.
03:24I thought you were on a diet.
03:26I am, but only at home.
03:28Excuse me, can we get back to electrolysis, please?
03:31Oh, my cousin Betty had that done.
03:34But...
03:35It's a method of removing unwanted facial hair.
03:39No, Maddy.
03:40No, it is.
03:41She went to this clinic in Dumfries.
03:43No, I tried to help Sam.
03:45Oh, for goodness sake, she doesn't need it.
03:48Where are you two off to?
03:50I don't want to hurt your feelings, Dad.
03:52But if you help me any more, I'll never get finished.
03:54You won't forget my slice of cake, will you?
03:56I'll bring it up to you.
03:57And listen, you two, if there's anything you don't understand, you know what to do.
04:00Yes, Mr. Harrop.
04:01We'll telephone my father.
04:04Thank you very much, Penny.
04:06If you ask me, Mr. Harrop, Sam has far too much homework.
04:11Some nights she's up till nearly ten o'clock.
04:13Really?
04:14I wouldn't mind, but some of it's a complete waste of time.
04:17This electrolysis, for instance, it doesn't work.
04:20How do you mean?
04:21Well, three weeks after Betty had it done, her moustache grew in again.
04:34Oh, morning, Sir Harrop.
04:35Morning, Liz.
04:36You're early.
04:39Yes, well, you know the saying, the early bird catches the first kick in the mouth.
04:44Do you do this every morning?
04:45Only when I can't get to dance classes.
04:47I've got to keep supple somehow, you know.
04:49I'm at a tricky age.
04:50Another month, I'll be 20.
04:5220?
04:53You poor old crone.
04:55Morning, Derek.
04:57What...
04:58What is this?
04:59Are you sure you're a married man?
05:01Nearly finished.
05:02I'm sorry, Liz, this is an office, not a gymnasium.
05:05What if a client came in and saw that?
05:07Lucky client.
05:08Lucky client.
05:13I think we give Liz far too much leeway.
05:15Most people have secretaries who work quietly and efficiently.
05:18They don't tap dance round the office, do impersonations of Louis Armstrong,
05:22or strip off first thing in the morning, exposing their limbs to all and sundry.
05:26They don't know what they're missing, do they?
05:29I wondered if someone could stop my seat from wobbling.
05:32I beg your pardon?
05:35One leg's shorter than the other.
05:37Ah.
05:38Well, that comes from all that exercise, Liz.
05:40Well, it's been getting worse all week.
05:42I mean, I get quite seasick when I'm typing a letter.
05:45I mean, look at the wobble when I rock backwards and forwards.
05:48You don't rock backwards and forwards, then.
05:50You're a secretary, not a jockey in the Grand National.
05:53Ah.
05:54Nell, good morning.
05:56Not by a long chalk, it isn't.
05:58This wad of bills oozed through my letterbox this morning.
06:02All of these people worked on our last promotion,
06:04and not one of them has been paid.
06:06I don't like people having to wait for their money.
06:08We don't like it either, Nell,
06:09but we can't pay anyone until the client pays us.
06:11And in the meantime, what am I to do with these?
06:13Tear them up?
06:14No, no, not at all.
06:15They'll come in very, very handy.
06:17There we are, Liz.
06:18Stick that under your wobbly leg.
06:24I can see my journey here was a total waste of time.
06:27No, actually, I'm very pleased to see you for once, Nell.
06:30Listen, you'd say Sam was a fairly intelligent person, wouldn't you?
06:34I'd say she was amazingly bright, considering you're the father.
06:39Why is it she has stacks and stacks of extra homework every evening?
06:43Could you go down to the school and find out what's going on?
06:46Quite a dicky zone you go.
06:47Well, you're sort of better at throwing your weight around than I am, and, um...
06:51Anyway, schools make me a little nervous.
06:53Sounds like a phobia.
06:55Yes, it is.
06:56With some people, it's spiders. With me, it's schools.
06:58With Muriel, it's those tall concrete lampposts.
07:02They worry her silly.
07:03Why?
07:04She keeps imagining the bulbs are going to drop on her.
07:09If you're so concerned about Sam,
07:11phone for an appointment with Miss Cranshaw, her form teacher.
07:14No, Nell, I don't feel that I'd be...
07:16Do as you're told.
07:17Yes, miss, sorry.
07:19Liz, can you get me some crip in school, please?
07:21Christmas!
07:24And don't look so miserable.
07:26Teachers are only human, you know.
07:28I know. The only teacher I liked was our art mistress,
07:31but she didn't last long.
07:33Too experimental.
07:34Oh, in what way?
07:35Well, her head walked in on one of her new painting classes
07:38and made her put her clothes back on again.
07:41LAUGHTER
07:53BELL RINGS
07:54LAUGHTER
08:11LAUGHTER
08:34LAUGHTER
08:38Yes?
08:39LAUGHTER
08:45Sorry to keep you waiting,
08:47but I'm glad you found something to occupy me with.
08:50You're Miss Cranshaw?
08:51Samantha's form teacher, yes.
08:53So it's not just policemen, then.
08:55Sorry?
08:56They get younger as you grow older.
08:58I can't say. I've noticed.
09:00No, well, you wouldn't, would you? I mean, what are you?
09:02You're about, um...
09:0420, 21...
09:05I don't think my age is important.
09:0720...
09:0828.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:11A form mistress already?
09:12Well, you must be absolutely marvellous at your subject.
09:15I, um...
09:16I bet it's art.
09:18Why do you say that?
09:19Well, you remind me of a mistress I once had.
09:22Mr Harris?
09:23No, sorry, art, art, art.
09:24Art mistress, art mistress.
09:26And she had blonde hair like yourself
09:28and was very well, um...
09:30liked by her pupils.
09:33I thought you wanted to talk about Samantha.
09:35Yes, yes, I do.
09:36I'm, uh...
09:37Actually, I'm very concerned about the amount of homework she's getting.
09:39Well, so am I, Mr Harrop.
09:40Ah, good.
09:41Mr Harrop, may I be brutally frank?
09:44Oh, yes, I think I'd like that.
09:46LAUGHTER
09:48In some cases, child psychiatry can be immensely beneficial.
09:51Oh, yes, it can, it can, it can.
09:52Provided you're a child.
09:53LAUGHTER
09:55But that child has to be emotionally disturbed, wouldn't you say?
09:58Oh, yes, I would, I would, I would.
09:59But, I mean, I fail to see what this has got to do with Sam.
10:02Well, Mr Harrop, I give Samantha the extra homework
10:04to make up for the afternoons she goes to her psychiatrist.
10:07Her what?
10:08Her child psychiatrist.
10:10I don't send her to any child psychiatrist.
10:14Oh, but here's your letter authorising it.
10:16For the past four Wednesday afternoons,
10:18she's been attending Dr Arnstein's group therapy session.
10:20But I didn't write this.
10:22Then who did?
10:23Well, Sam, obviously.
10:24I mean, I used to forge the odd sick note for school,
10:27but, I mean, this is the work of a genius.
10:29You mean it isn't true?
10:30Well, of course it isn't true.
10:32Then where does she go on Wednesday afternoons?
10:34Oh, I don't know.
10:35Listen, leave this with me while I make a few enquiries.
10:38Of course.
10:39But, good gentleman, Mr Harrop,
10:41Samantha wouldn't do something like this lightly.
10:44For all we know, she may rarely be attending those therapy sessions.
10:47If Sam is going to see a psychiatrist, she needs her head examined.
10:51LAUGHTER
10:56Mr Harrop.
10:57Oh, hello, Maddy.
10:58Listen, I'm sorry I'm late.
10:59I had to go into the reference library.
11:01Sam in?
11:02She's in her room, ploughing through her homework.
11:05Oh, you got a book out, did you?
11:07Yeah, Dr Spock's on truancy.
11:09I want to see what he says about it.
11:10Well, what does he say?
11:11Not a damn thing.
11:12Tics, timidity, tiredness, toilet training.
11:15Is this for Sam's benefit?
11:16Yeah.
11:17It's a bit late in the day for toilet training.
11:19LAUGHTER
11:20No, Maddy.
11:22Sam's been skiving off school every Wednesday afternoon.
11:25Oh, my.
11:26Yeah, supposedly to see a child psychiatrist.
11:28But it's not true. I've checked it.
11:30Well, where does she go?
11:31I don't know, but I'm going to find out.
11:49But I love him.
11:53Don't laugh, Penny. It's true.
11:57This is more than just a crush.
11:59This isn't somebody on the record or on the television.
12:02This is real flesh and blood.
12:05Just the sound of his voice.
12:09Don't you dare.
12:10I warn you, Penny, if you tell anyone,
12:13if anyone found out, I'd kill myself.
12:19I would.
12:20They'd stop me seeing him.
12:22And if it wasn't for Wednesday afternoons,
12:24I wouldn't want to live anyway.
12:29MUSIC FADES
12:36MUSIC CONTINUES
12:45Well, I think you were very wise to sleep on it, Mr Harrop.
12:49First love can be a devastating thing.
12:52I know, Maddy, but she's only 13 years of age.
12:55If this was Fiji, she could be a granny by now.
12:59Well, I've decided what I'm going to say to her.
13:01When she comes down for breakfast,
13:03I shall talk to her quietly and calmly.
13:05Oh, yes, that's the way to do it.
13:07I shall say to her,
13:09Sam, you know I love you.
13:12Oh, she does, Mr Harrop. There's no doubt about it.
13:15And the love I have for you
13:17is the love of a father for his daughter.
13:20Here she comes now.
13:22Now, that's the way to get through to her,
13:24calmly and quietly.
13:27Morning, Samantha.
13:28Hello, Maddy. Dad.
13:30Now, Sam, could you sit down a moment, please?
13:32I'm sorry, Dad. Haven't got time.
13:34No, no. Sam.
13:36Oh, I've been tearing my room apart looking for this.
13:39Yes. Now, Sam...
13:40That could be Penny.
13:42I'm just coming.
13:43I'm going early to finish my English project.
13:45Right. Now, Sam...
13:46Mm, can I grab this toast?
13:48Yes. Sam, you know I love you.
13:50I love you too, Dad.
13:52Biscuits for break.
13:53Yes, and the love I have for you...
13:55Ah!
13:56Shut up, you loony!
13:58...is the love I have of a father for his daughter.
14:01Hello. Oh, it's Wednesday.
14:03I'll be back later as usual, Maddy.
14:05Yes, now, look, please.
14:06Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.
14:08Look, about Wednesday...
14:10I'm sorry, Dad. I've got to run before Penny breaks the door down.
14:13Sam!
14:14I think I've got butter on your shirt.
14:16I'm coming!
14:20Yes, well, I think I handled that pretty well.
14:26One quick look at this pie chart,
14:28and it's obvious that by sacking Liz and using temporary staff,
14:32we could make enormous savings.
14:36What do you think, Simon?
14:38Hm?
14:39What do you think?
14:41About what?
14:42Haven't you heard a single word I've said?
14:44Single words, yes.
14:45It's when you string them together, my attention wanders.
14:48He's suggesting we get rid of Liz.
14:50Oh, come on, Derek, that's a bit cruel, isn't it?
14:53I mean, I know you're always complaining about the amount of noise Liz makes,
14:56but this morning, you wouldn't even know she was here.
14:59That's because she isn't here.
15:01Whenever she feels like it, she plays hooky.
15:03Hooky.
15:04Then she waltzes in with some pathetic excuse
15:06she's seen the dentist, the doctor...
15:08Child psychiatrist.
15:09Child psychiatrist.
15:11Perhaps we ought to find out for certain where she is
15:13before we come to any rash decision.
15:15We don't want to make a big mistake for the sake of the odd penny.
15:18Penny?
15:19Yes.
15:20Penny.
15:21Hundred to the pound, little round thing.
15:23With glasses, yes.
15:25What?
15:26Coffee walnut cake.
15:27Yes, they are round as well, but they're slightly bigger.
15:30Right, that's it, that's the answer.
15:32She'd know, wouldn't she?
15:33Nell, you've got a sweet tooth.
15:35Where am I going to find the biggest, gooiest coffee walnut cake in existence?
15:39There's a rather splendid delicatessen in Longacre.
15:42Right, thank you.
15:45What's all that about?
15:47Well, if I didn't know better, I'd say he was pregnant.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:57Ah, hello, Penny.
16:00Hello, Mr Harrop.
16:01Miss Cranshaw said I'd find you in here with your diet lunch,
16:05so I thought I'd join you.
16:13Now then, Penny,
16:15I don't suppose you know where Sam goes every Wednesday afternoon, do you?
16:21LAUGHTER
16:24It's all right, I know.
16:26I heard her tell you all about it last night on the telephone.
16:30LAUGHTER
16:34That's very good. Is that the first time you've fainted today?
16:37It's very good, you know, it's jolly impressive.
16:39Now, I haven't got any smelling salts,
16:42but maybe if I wave this in front of your nose...
16:46LAUGHTER
16:50Come on, Penny.
16:52You'll help Sam by telling her where she goes.
16:55I'm not supposed to.
16:57Mm-hm. And I'm not supposed to give you coffee walnut cake.
17:06You won't tell Sam?
17:07I promise.
17:10And if she asks how you found out?
17:12Don't worry.
17:14I'll tell her it was a piece of cake.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:23Hello, Liz.
17:24Hello, Mr Harrop.
17:25You looking for something?
17:27No, my back's gone. I've been sitting in the doctor's all morning.
17:30Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
17:32Last night, I turned over in bed and I heard...
17:34CLICK!
17:35That.
17:36That?
17:37Yeah. CLICK!
17:38Just like that.
17:39Your boyfriend been playing with his castanets again, has he?
17:42No, it was my back.
17:44And then this morning, I could hardly get out of bed.
17:46But I thought I'd better come in and say what happened.
17:48Well, I do appreciate it, Liz.
17:50And the chair's gone and all.
17:52God, Liz.
17:54You weren't sitting on it when it happened, were you?
17:56No, I just leant on the back of it and the leg went.
17:59Like that?
18:00Yeah, just like that.
18:03Ah, Liz, you've deigned to come in at last.
18:05I'm afraid we've got some rather bad news for you.
18:08Just a minute, Derek.
18:09I'm sorry, Simon, but we've taken a vote for your absence.
18:12Please, now.
18:13Now, just two questions I want you to answer, right?
18:16The chair that you complained about yesterday, it's finally gone.
18:19Yeah.
18:20And you've hurt your back.
18:21Just a bit, but I...
18:22Excuse us. Please, please, please.
18:29Now, because Liz has hurt her back,
18:32she could sue us for everything we've got.
18:36Now, of course, if the two of you want to still give Liz the push...
18:40As a matter of fact,
18:41I was just thinking we should give her the rest of the day off.
18:45And Liz, of course, Derek, still wants to give her the push.
18:48The push, me? No, no, no, no, no.
18:50I was thinking more of a raise, cash for the doctor's bill,
18:53and I'm going to give her a piggyback down to a taxi.
18:56What a very good idea, Derek.
19:00You're looking suspiciously pleased with yourself.
19:03Yes, well, I suppose you'll have to know about it sooner or later.
19:06Nell, your granddaughter skies off school
19:10to see a chap play Hamlet at the Royal Court.
19:13What?
19:14Yes.
19:15Every Wednesday afternoon, she sits up in the gods,
19:18worshipping her hero from afar
19:20and weeping buckets when he snuffs it.
19:22I don't believe it.
19:23No, Nell, don't get your nether garments in a twist.
19:28This is the last Wednesday she goes,
19:30and when I get home tonight,
19:31I'm going to tell her how ridiculous she's being.
19:43Yeah?
19:46Hi.
19:48Hi.
19:50How was it?
19:52How was what?
19:53What?
19:58Looks as if you didn't enjoy it too much this week.
20:01Well, that's just an old school programme from a school trip.
20:05Listen, Sam, I know all about it.
20:09And tomorrow, we're going to see Miss Cranshaw
20:11and we're going to tell her, despite evidence to the contrary,
20:13that you are not a loony.
20:15Oh, I don't care.
20:17I don't care about anything anymore.
20:19Not even about the chap who plays Hamlet?
20:22Especially not him.
20:25They announced it at the end of the matinee.
20:38Listen, Sam, it won't work, you know.
20:40I mean, she goes mad and he snuffs it.
20:46But I wrote him tonnes of letters.
20:48He never answered one.
20:50I know, well, he's a very busy chap, you know.
20:52I mean, all those relatives to stab every night.
20:56Oh, Sam, come on.
20:59Give yourself time.
21:01There are real princes waiting for you.
21:04I think you don't understand how it feels.
21:08Listen, it happens to us all.
21:10Even your gran.
21:13Even you?
21:14Well, with me, it...
21:16It happened much earlier.
21:18Now, you promise you're not going to laugh?
21:20Promise.
21:22Well, when I was six years of age,
21:26I fell in love with Tarzan.
21:30Tarzan?
21:32You promised not to laugh.
21:34You're making me laugh.
21:36No, no, no, no, I swear it.
21:38I went to see Tarzan and the Leopard Man three times.
21:42I came back, put my pyjamas in a paper bag
21:45and set off for Africa.
21:47I was gone for three hours.
21:49Well, how far did you get?
21:51Well, not far. I sort of just walked, ran around the block.
21:54Why?
21:56Well, I wasn't allowed to cross the street by myself.
22:47I love you.
22:49I love you.
22:51I love you.
22:53I love you.
22:55I love you.
22:57I love you.
22:59I love you.
23:01I love you.
23:03I love you.