Good Morning Pakistan 30 May 2024

ARY Digital

Good Morning Pakistan is your first source of entertainment as soon as you wake up in the morning, keeping you energized for the rest of the day.   Host: Nida Yasir   #goodmorningpakistan  #nidayasir  #arydigitalshow  #arydigital   #aroobamirza #zainabraza #danishnawaz #newyearcelebration

Transcript

00:00:00🎶

00:00:30🎶

00:01:00🎶

00:01:28Assalam-o-Alaikum, good morning, good morning.

00:01:31How is Pakistan?

00:01:32I have dressed up in wedding attire especially today.

00:01:36Why? Because today we have a show

00:01:39which you call a festivity at home.

00:01:42Everyone is ready, so am I.

00:01:45But this is not a wedding show.

00:01:48This is a very important show that I want to show you.

00:01:50We are so particular about everything.

00:01:53We have to get our kids admitted in school.

00:01:55We have to think very carefully,

00:01:58analyze, observe,

00:02:00take feedback from people,

00:02:02how is this school,

00:02:04go through 4-5 rounds,

00:02:06and then decide that the kid has to be admitted in this school, in this area.

00:02:11If we have to work somewhere,

00:02:15we struggle for that only when we know

00:02:17that by doing this job,

00:02:19will we have growth or not,

00:02:21is it good for our future or not.

00:02:22So we are very future conscious.

00:02:24Other than that, leave these big things.

00:02:26Even if we have to order a small suit online,

00:02:30we will check its fabric,

00:02:32we will check its work,

00:02:34we will check its colors.

00:02:36We check everything.

00:02:37If we are spending money,

00:02:39will we get something as good as it is?

00:02:44So we become very particular.

00:02:47If we are buying a house,

00:02:48while buying a house,

00:02:49while buying a property,

00:02:50we think 10 times

00:02:51whether this property will be beneficial for us,

00:02:54it will be right to live here,

00:02:56or it will be right from an investment point of view.

00:02:58If we buy a car,

00:02:59then 10,000 rupees for a car.

00:03:01The experts in your family,

00:03:03those who have knowledge about cars,

00:03:05they give advice.

00:03:07There are so many things in life,

00:03:09for which we have given so many advices,

00:03:13and sometimes they prove to be very beneficial.

00:03:16But there is a topic,

00:03:19which is called marriage,

00:03:21and we have often heard that

00:03:23whatever they say about marriage,

00:03:25that marriage is a gamble,

00:03:27it is gambling,

00:03:28we don't know what it is,

00:03:29what happens,

00:03:30what comes out.

00:03:31So when it comes to marriage,

00:03:34whether it is a boy or a girl,

00:03:36both the families try their best

00:03:38to get information.

00:03:40If it is an arranged marriage,

00:03:41especially,

00:03:42then it is found out

00:03:44how the boy is,

00:03:45how the boy's family is,

00:03:47how the boy's job is.

00:03:49And this is a tradition

00:03:51that has been going on for a long time.

00:03:53It is asked from the neighborhood,

00:03:55from the office where the boy works,

00:03:57information is taken from there,

00:03:59a relative is found.

00:04:01If you find a bridge in the middle,

00:04:04on which you have trust,

00:04:06and they praise the boy or the girl,

00:04:10then a peace of mind comes in the heart.

00:04:13But whatever you do,

00:04:15this line,

00:04:17that marriage is a gamble,

00:04:19is the right line.

00:04:21Because you don't know

00:04:23the person,

00:04:25the woman or the man

00:04:27with whom you are going to get married,

00:04:29basically,

00:04:30after living with him,

00:04:32you get to know.

00:04:34You know that

00:04:35the person with whom

00:04:37I am going to get married,

00:04:39he can be a puppet of mistakes,

00:04:41he is not an angel,

00:04:42he is a human.

00:04:43And if you join a relationship

00:04:45without much expectations,

00:04:47then you are lucky.

00:04:49Sometimes,

00:04:50someone gets a lottery,

00:04:51in the sense that

00:04:52you get such a partner,

00:04:53such a good life partner,

00:04:55that he upgrades you

00:04:57in your life.

00:04:59And when you win

00:05:01in such a gamble,

00:05:03when you are lucky,

00:05:05then your parents

00:05:06come in so much peace that

00:05:08we have fulfilled

00:05:10our biggest responsibility.

00:05:12I won't just talk about girls,

00:05:14that girls should be lucky.

00:05:16In today's world,

00:05:17boys should also be lucky.

00:05:19Because if a good girl,

00:05:20a good woman comes in your house,

00:05:22and becomes your better half,

00:05:24then your life improves.

00:05:26But if a bad woman,

00:05:27bad in the sense,

00:05:28in any way,

00:05:29her tongue is bad,

00:05:31her heart is bad,

00:05:32she doesn't take care of you,

00:05:34she doesn't save money,

00:05:36there are many other bad things in her.

00:05:38So,

00:05:39that is also your life.

00:05:41If I talk about boys,

00:05:42their life can also be ruined.

00:05:44So today,

00:05:45basically on our show,

00:05:47some people will come,

00:05:49who to make their children's

00:05:51marital life complete,

00:05:53arranged marriages or love marriages,

00:05:55took their support,

00:05:57put people in the middle,

00:05:59marriage bureau, etc.

00:06:01But,

00:06:02what happened to them after that?

00:06:05This Nikah,

00:06:06this marriage,

00:06:07happens so that

00:06:08you get peace in life.

00:06:10But,

00:06:11by arranging marriages,

00:06:13can life also end?

00:06:15The purpose of life,

00:06:18can completely end,

00:06:20you can be traumatized,

00:06:22a lot can happen.

00:06:24So,

00:06:25I guess,

00:06:26this is the biggest risk of life,

00:06:27which you consider very light,

00:06:29and it is presented

00:06:30as a bouquet of flowers,

00:06:32if you get married,

00:06:33it will be like this,

00:06:34like that,

00:06:35like that.

00:06:36I think,

00:06:37you should only get married

00:06:38when you are

00:06:39satisfied,

00:06:40absolutely ready,

00:06:41that you have to fulfill a relationship,

00:06:43and work on it.

00:06:45After a short break,

00:06:46you will see a lot of

00:06:48eye-opener stories,

00:06:50that God forbid,

00:06:51you are going to be in

00:06:52a wrong relationship,

00:06:53so be careful,

00:06:55because this life,

00:06:57does not come again and again.

00:06:59After a short break,

00:07:00stay with us,

00:07:01to watch an important program,

00:07:04because if you are set,

00:07:06some people around you will be like this,

00:07:08who will need your help,

00:07:10and with just a few words,

00:07:13with a little understanding,

00:07:15they can make the right decision.

00:07:17Good morning Pakistan.

00:07:29Welcome,

00:07:30welcome back,

00:07:31good morning Pakistan.

00:07:32Today,

00:07:33the two guests I have with me,

00:07:34one of them is like this,

00:07:36who basically,

00:07:38who has got almost all the relations

00:07:40in his family,

00:07:41and some people have expertise,

00:07:43they know people,

00:07:45and you have seen in many families,

00:07:48that there are certain family members,

00:07:51whom you will tell,

00:07:52that see someone for our son,

00:07:54or if there is someone for our daughter,

00:07:56then tell her.

00:07:57Those family members,

00:07:59they do the same for everyone,

00:08:02that they tell the relations,

00:08:03or get them married.

00:08:04In fact,

00:08:05in my family,

00:08:06my mother was that person,

00:08:07whom people used to call,

00:08:09and my mother got so many people married,

00:08:12and after my mother left,

00:08:13I don't know,

00:08:14everyone started calling me.

00:08:16My younger sister,

00:08:17she does it,

00:08:18as it is said,

00:08:19that she gets everyone's relations,

00:08:22basically to help,

00:08:24not professionally,

00:08:25but when people meet me,

00:08:27they say,

00:08:28see someone for our daughter,

00:08:29or if there is someone for our son,

00:08:31then tell her.

00:08:32So,

00:08:33I must have got one or two marriages,

00:08:35I got my uncle married,

00:08:37I must have got one or two,

00:08:38that too like this,

00:08:39see them, see them,

00:08:40when I was very young,

00:08:41but after that,

00:08:42I don't know,

00:08:43from my face it seems,

00:08:44that I am going to get relations,

00:08:46but anyway,

00:08:47it is good,

00:08:48if I can settle someone's house,

00:08:49then it is fine,

00:08:50but right now,

00:08:51we have a serious topic,

00:08:53on which we are going to talk today,

00:08:54that many people are cheated,

00:08:57no matter how much you investigate,

00:09:00but in the end,

00:09:01you get trapped,

00:09:02whether you are a boy or a girl,

00:09:04and here,

00:09:05we are discussing the same thing,

00:09:07that it is not a small thing,

00:09:09that you get to know,

00:09:10or a year and a half of your life is wasted,

00:09:13some people's lives are wasted,

00:09:16so this is a very important decision,

00:09:18it should be done with a lot of thought,

00:09:20with us today,

00:09:21Farida Shabbir is here,

00:09:23Farida Shabbir is here,

00:09:24because she gets relations,

00:09:26in her family,

00:09:27Assalam-o-Alaikum,

00:09:28how are you?

00:09:29I am absolutely fine,

00:09:30I am absolutely fine,

00:09:31absolutely,

00:09:32you are absolutely right,

00:09:33some personalities are like this,

00:09:35that is why,

00:09:36when people see you,

00:09:37everyone says,

00:09:38it is your program,

00:09:39it is your things,

00:09:40so everyone thinks,

00:09:41but I am worried,

00:09:42like a girl,

00:09:43someone's daughter is not getting married,

00:09:46so I give advice,

00:09:48yes,

00:09:49it is like that,

00:09:50but I am surprised,

00:09:51how people say this,

00:09:53how do they know,

00:09:54it happens,

00:09:55like your mother was,

00:09:56like my mother was,

00:09:58so inside someone,

00:09:59it happens that,

00:10:00see this,

00:10:01see this for this,

00:10:02do this,

00:10:03all these things,

00:10:04yes,

00:10:05giving advice,

00:10:06and pointing out,

00:10:07which sometimes,

00:10:08someone doesn't remember,

00:10:09this pair will look good,

00:10:10this pair,

00:10:11okay,

00:10:12with us,

00:10:13because we have to discuss,

00:10:14that we have to,

00:10:15those children,

00:10:16those boys and girls,

00:10:17who are going through this trauma,

00:10:18how to get them out,

00:10:19or what impact does it have on them,

00:10:22sometimes,

00:10:23even we parents,

00:10:24become like this,

00:10:25that no,

00:10:26we have given our consent,

00:10:27to our children,

00:10:28and sometimes,

00:10:29even in arranged marriages,

00:10:30it can go wrong,

00:10:31so to discuss all these things,

00:10:32Neelam is with us,

00:10:33Neelam Naaz,

00:10:34who is a psychologist,

00:10:35so it is obvious,

00:10:36she must have different cases,

00:10:37and she has experience,

00:10:38about this,

00:10:39that after this broken relationship,

00:10:40or after going through this bad relationship,

00:10:41what is left of a person's personality,

00:10:42Assalamualaikum Neelam,

00:10:43Walikumassalam,

00:10:44how are you?

00:10:45Thank you Nida,

00:10:46for calling me,

00:10:47this is such an important topic,

00:10:48very important topic,

00:10:49and nowadays,

00:10:50like in every country,

00:10:51in every country,

00:10:52there is a lot of,

00:10:53there is a lot of,

00:10:54there is a lot of,

00:10:55it is a very important topic,

00:10:56and nowadays,

00:10:57the situation is like,

00:10:58we are seeing,

00:10:59as we used to hear earlier,

00:11:01that someone got divorced,

00:11:03suddenly,

00:11:04sometime,

00:11:05sometime in listening,

00:11:06but as time goes by,

00:11:07we are hearing it very commonly,

00:11:08in a passion,

00:11:09someone got divorced in 6 months,

00:11:11someone got divorced in 2 months,

00:11:12someone got divorced in a year,

00:11:13so it is very easy to say that the divorce happened,

00:11:14but it has a lot of meaning,

00:11:15it affects your personality,

00:11:16affects your life,

00:11:17it affects the people around you,

00:11:18after all,

00:11:19the person who is around you,

00:11:20is not your own,

00:11:21he is not your own,

00:11:22he is not your own,

00:11:23he is someone else's,

00:11:24So how do you overcome this? How do you protect yourself from this?

00:11:28A lot of parents get old very quickly.

00:11:32They get stressed.

00:11:34If they are stressed about their children,

00:11:36I have seen it with my own eyes.

00:11:38A mother who was walking with bones,

00:11:40due to her daughter, she had an attack of paralysis and fell on the bed.

00:11:44And then she stayed on the bed till her last breath.

00:11:46It is said that the child is in grief.

00:11:50He has forgotten his parents.

00:11:52Children do bear it.

00:11:54Their lives happen.

00:11:56But the people around you, the parents,

00:11:58and the people who are connected to you,

00:12:00brothers, sisters,

00:12:02all these people also suffer.

00:12:04And if there are children,

00:12:06they suffer the most.

00:12:08Suffer the most.

00:12:10So I am going to start.

00:12:12I have the ayat on the other side of the screen.

00:12:16A lot of girls don't want to show their faces.

00:12:18And I don't want to force them either.

00:12:20But we want to know their story

00:12:22because because of their story,

00:12:24I don't know how many more girls' homes will be saved.

00:12:28Or their lives will be saved.

00:12:30So one story will come here

00:12:32and save a hundred homes.

00:12:34So basically this program is for that purpose.

00:12:36If you want to be serious and see,

00:12:38understand,

00:12:40if you can see anything like this around you,

00:12:42then please inform.

00:12:44Even if it happens sometimes,

00:12:46your daughter's marriage is coming,

00:12:48and someone from outside

00:12:50comes and tells you that

00:12:52these people don't seem right.

00:12:54Relatives go against them.

00:12:56How did you say this?

00:12:58You are jealous, you are jealous.

00:13:00Our daughter is getting married.

00:13:02Sometimes they do this.

00:13:04So someone should mind

00:13:06or say anything.

00:13:08If you are sincere with them,

00:13:10then you will tell them the right thing.

00:13:12You will not hide.

00:13:14I mean, you are better than a lot of things.

00:13:16Yes, of course.

00:13:18Ayat, would you like to tell us

00:13:20what was the betrayal with you?

00:13:22Assalamualaikum.

00:13:24Walaikumassalam.

00:13:26My story started like this.

00:13:28When I was 19 years old,

00:13:30I got married.

00:13:32I lived with my aunt.

00:13:34So it was her responsibility to get me married.

00:13:36So my relationship happened like this.

00:13:38Her neighbor told me

00:13:40about a relationship.

00:13:42And that boy

00:13:44had lived in South Africa for 10 years.

00:13:46So my aunt was very impressed.

00:13:48When she met his family,

00:13:50they were very good people.

00:13:52Anyway, I got married.

00:13:54They got married very soon.

00:13:56They didn't give any time.

00:13:58So when you got married,

00:14:00the boy was still in South Africa?

00:14:02No, he had come from South Africa.

00:14:04He came here for the wedding.

00:14:06And the wedding was also on the basis

00:14:08that he would go back to Africa

00:14:10immediately after the wedding

00:14:12Were your papers ready before the wedding?

00:14:14No, my papers were not ready.

00:14:16He had brought his papers.

00:14:18He had brought his passport.

00:14:20He had a work permit.

00:14:22He had brought it to show that

00:14:24I am telling the truth.

00:14:26I will take the girl with me.

00:14:28Then?

00:14:30I got married very soon.

00:14:32I got married very soon.

00:14:34After 15-20 days,

00:14:36my family started asking

00:14:38when I would go back.

00:14:40Time passed like this.

00:14:42Then I conceived.

00:14:44Then it became a problem

00:14:46for my family as well.

00:14:48Then my aunt found out

00:14:50that this boy doesn't have a job.

00:14:52So when you got married,

00:14:54he didn't go anywhere for a job?

00:14:56No, he didn't go anywhere.

00:14:58He used to stay at home.

00:15:00And when I got married,

00:15:02for a few days, my mother-in-law

00:15:04and my sister-in-law lived very well.

00:15:06It was a very big family.

00:15:08I didn't have a habit

00:15:10of working.

00:15:12But after 15-20 days,

00:15:14they started asking me

00:15:16to make 20-25 rotis.

00:15:18They asked me to knead a lot of flour.

00:15:20They asked me to do all these things.

00:15:22I used to do all these things.

00:15:24Then I used to call my aunt

00:15:26and tell her what happened.

00:15:28Anyway, my aunt used to ask

00:15:30when I would go back.

00:15:32So after a few months

00:15:34of marriage,

00:15:36I found out that

00:15:38he doesn't have a job.

00:15:40He is not interested in working.

00:15:42And he will not go back.

00:15:44How did you spend your time?

00:15:46I used to spend my time like this.

00:15:48I didn't have kids at that time.

00:15:50I was newly married.

00:15:52My aunt said that we will talk

00:15:54and we will ask.

00:15:56One day, she called me to her house

00:15:58and told me that I will go back.

00:16:00Then why didn't I go?

00:16:02Because I had spent my time there 10 years ago.

00:16:04Anyway, she asked me to give her

00:16:062-2.5 lakhs.

00:16:08Then my aunt said that

00:16:10this didn't happen at the time of marriage.

00:16:12You said that you will go

00:16:14and take the girl with you.

00:16:16That's why we got you married.

00:16:18Otherwise, you have a big family.

00:16:20Then my aunt decided

00:16:22that I should separate from him.

00:16:24And when I have a child,

00:16:26I should give him to someone.

00:16:28I was pregnant at that time.

00:16:30She said that

00:16:32when you have a child,

00:16:34you should separate from him.

00:16:36We will get you divorced.

00:16:38And when you have a child,

00:16:40we will give him to someone.

00:16:42I refused.

00:16:44I said that I don't give my child to anyone.

00:16:46I thought that I should give a chance to my marriage.

00:16:48Maybe it will work out.

00:16:50Then I went back home.

00:16:52When I went back home,

00:16:54my aunt, my uncle, everyone

00:16:56stopped talking to me.

00:16:58They said that we don't want to meet

00:17:00Then I went back home.

00:17:02I didn't meet my mother

00:17:04because she was not present at the time of marriage.

00:17:06Then

00:17:08my husband and I

00:17:10used to fight every day.

00:17:12My mother-in-law used to

00:17:14listen to everything my husband said.

00:17:16He used to beat me up.

00:17:18He didn't give me any money.

00:17:20Then I had a child.

00:17:22Even after that,

00:17:24I kept thinking that

00:17:26my marriage should work out.

00:17:28My house didn't break down.

00:17:30After some time,

00:17:32my brother-in-law got married.

00:17:34My mother-in-law told me that

00:17:36she needed a room.

00:17:38She shifted me to a storeroom.

00:17:40She gave that room to my brother-in-law.

00:17:42He took that room from me.

00:17:44I was alone.

00:17:46I didn't have anyone

00:17:48to introduce me to anyone.

00:17:54Your husband couldn't take any stand.

00:17:56He used to beat me up.

00:17:58He didn't let me work.

00:18:00I didn't know how to wash clothes.

00:18:02I used to get beaten up for this.

00:18:04I didn't know how to cook.

00:18:06I used to get beaten up

00:18:08because I didn't work at home.

00:18:10I was not used to working.

00:18:12I had to go to my in-laws

00:18:14and do all this.

00:18:16My brother-in-law had six children.

00:18:18His wife got divorced

00:18:20and left the children.

00:18:22My mother-in-law used to tell me

00:18:24to wash clothes,

00:18:26give them food,

00:18:28wake up early in the morning

00:18:30and give them breakfast.

00:18:32Your children are not yet born.

00:18:34Take care of them.

00:18:36If I didn't want to,

00:18:38I used to get beaten up by my husband.

00:18:40Did you shift to a storeroom

00:18:42before your children were born?

00:18:44No, my child was already born.

00:18:46I have three children.

00:18:48Two of my children were born in the same room

00:18:50where I got married.

00:18:52He shifted me to a storeroom

00:18:54because my brother-in-law

00:18:56was getting married.

00:18:58He needed a room.

00:19:00My husband promised me

00:19:02that he would get me a house

00:19:04on rent after a few months.

00:19:06I agreed.

00:19:08But he didn't get me a house.

00:19:10Was he not working?

00:19:12No, he didn't work.

00:19:14When I asked him to work

00:19:16or talk to someone

00:19:18to get him a job,

00:19:20he wouldn't go to work.

00:19:22He wouldn't work.

00:19:24My mother-in-law used to say

00:19:26that he wouldn't get a job

00:19:28because of me.

00:19:30How are you living now?

00:19:32Are you with him now?

00:19:34No, I am not with him now.

00:19:36I contacted my mother

00:19:38and told her everything.

00:19:40I told my mother

00:19:42everything.

00:19:44I was brave because

00:19:46I had three children

00:19:48and I didn't want to live

00:19:50with him.

00:19:52Instead of living like this,

00:19:54I decided to get a divorce

00:19:56so that I can live

00:19:58without him.

00:20:00How do you live

00:20:02without him?

00:20:06I got a divorce

00:20:08and now I live with my mother.

00:20:10Thank God, my mother and brother

00:20:12have taken care of me and my children.

00:20:14I work at home.

00:20:16This is how I

00:20:18live with my children.

00:20:22Are your children young?

00:20:24Yes, they are young.

00:20:26The worst thing is

00:20:28that she got cheated

00:20:30by her husband.

00:20:32But even after getting cheated,

00:20:34our girls are emotional.

00:20:36They have given birth

00:20:38to a third child.

00:20:40It is obvious that

00:20:42her husband is jobless.

00:20:44Our girls

00:20:46are very emotional.

00:20:50Girls want to compromise.

00:20:52They don't want to break

00:20:54their marriage.

00:20:56They want to give her a chance

00:20:58to have another child.

00:21:00Now that she has two children,

00:21:02where will I go?

00:21:04Obviously, there is involvement

00:21:06and love.

00:21:08Mostly,

00:21:10both before and after

00:21:12the child is born.

00:21:14Once the child is born,

00:21:16she will be able to do her job.

00:21:18This is a hope.

00:21:20But I think

00:21:22those who don't want to do it,

00:21:24should not do it.

00:21:28What is the basic need

00:21:30of a girl while getting married?

00:21:32She needs protection.

00:21:34This is the purpose of marriage.

00:21:36Parents think that

00:21:38if they get married here,

00:21:40she will take care of the family.

00:21:42She will take care of the family.

00:21:44The boy is not visible,

00:21:46but the family will manage him.

00:21:48The problem is

00:21:50when the girl

00:21:52feels unsafe with that person.

00:21:54Like she was saying,

00:21:56it was not just that they didn't earn,

00:21:58which was a big factor.

00:22:00Exactly.

00:22:02They were not physically safe.

00:22:04We blame ourselves

00:22:06so much that

00:22:08we don't know what to do.

00:22:10If I fulfill this,

00:22:12if I manage

00:22:14her family,

00:22:16if I fulfill

00:22:18all the responsibilities,

00:22:20then my basic needs will be fulfilled.

00:22:22Most of the time,

00:22:24the family thinks that

00:22:26the boy will be fine after marriage.

00:22:28Are you getting married to a doctor?

00:22:30Are you getting married for treatment?

00:22:32No one can solve

00:22:34the problems of personality.

00:22:36If you are getting married to a responsible person,

00:22:38then that person

00:22:40will become more irresponsible.

00:22:42He will feel that his wife is taking care of him.

00:22:44Most of the time,

00:22:46he is not working and his wife

00:22:48has to take the responsibility

00:22:50of fulfilling the needs of the children.

00:22:52When the husband becomes financially independent,

00:22:54he takes more back steps.

00:22:56She is earning, she is doing it.

00:22:58Everything is being managed.

00:23:00On top of that,

00:23:02she has to do the household chores.

00:23:04She is doing her responsibility

00:23:06but she has to take financial responsibility

00:23:08because she has to take care of the children.

00:23:10She has to fulfill the needs

00:23:12of the children.

00:23:14Her role has changed.

00:23:16She is not just a wife, she has become a mother.

00:23:18I was reading somewhere that a woman

00:23:20becomes a man when she feels

00:23:22that her husband is not a man.

00:23:24In the sense that he is not earning

00:23:26and he is not taking care of her.

00:23:28She has to do it herself.

00:23:30She comes to the front seat.

00:23:32A mother has the capability

00:23:34to defend her child.

00:23:36Just like she did.

00:23:38She took a step.

00:23:40She took a step.

00:23:42She took a step.

00:23:44She took a step.

00:23:46She took a step.

00:23:48She took a step.

00:23:50She took a step.

00:23:52She took a step.

00:23:54She took a step.

00:23:56She took a step.

00:23:58She took a step.

00:24:00She has to take care of her children.

00:24:02She has to take care of her children.

00:24:04She has to take care of her children.

00:24:06She has to take care of her children.

00:24:08She has to take care of her children.

00:24:10She has to take care of her children.

00:24:12She has to take care of her children.

00:24:14She has to take care of her children.

00:24:16She has to take care of her children.

00:24:18She has to take care of her children.

00:24:20She has to take care of her children.

00:24:22She has to take care of her children.

00:24:24She has to take care of her children.

00:24:26She has to take care of her children.

00:24:28She has to take care of her children.

00:24:30She has to take care of her children.

00:24:32She has to take care of her children.

00:24:34She has to take care of her children.

00:24:36She has to take care of her children.

00:24:38She has to take care of her children.

00:24:40She has to take care of her children.

00:24:42She has to take care of her children.

00:24:44She has to take care of her children.

00:24:46She has to take care of her children.

00:24:48She has to take care of her children.

00:24:50She has to take care of her children.

00:24:52She has to take care of her children.

00:24:54She has to take care of her children.

00:24:56I don't like to talk on screen.

00:24:58I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:00I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:02I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:04I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:06I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:08I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:10I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:12I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:14I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:16I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:18I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:20I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:22I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:24We will conclude that

00:25:26We will conclude that

00:25:28We will conclude that

00:25:30May this opportunity pass by

00:25:32May this opportunity pass by

00:25:42May this opportunity pass by

00:25:48The way she did it after 3 children

00:25:50The way she did it after three children

00:25:52and do it a little early.

00:25:53The girls she tries to encourage,

00:25:56we won't say that we won't encourage them either.

00:25:59She did it, so maybe, maybe.

00:26:01But no, finally, this is what you see,

00:26:03what I said in the beginning,

00:26:04that those who don't want to do it, don't do it.

00:26:06If you don't see one child, then the other...

00:26:08The girls are a little bit like,

00:26:09if it's a bad time, then we'll leave the husband.

00:26:12If the husband's family and the husband got married by deceit,

00:26:16that's a bad time from the start.

00:26:18That's what I'm saying.

00:26:18That's from the start.

00:26:20As soon as he left, she told him to make a lot of rotis.

00:26:23When you got married to her, she was well settled,

00:26:25and because of some reason,

00:26:27a bad time came upon her,

00:26:28then that's a different story.

00:26:29It's very different, isn't it?

00:26:31Then you have to support her.

00:26:32We're not saying that.

00:26:33What would you say, Neelam?

00:26:35Learn to differentiate between a person's personality and their circumstances.

00:26:40Is it a difficult time coming upon them,

00:26:42or is it their personality?

00:26:43It is like that, yes.

00:26:44Okay, and the other thing is,

00:26:46because, genetically speaking,

00:26:50women are auditory.

00:26:51Meaning, the things that we say,

00:26:53we have more faith in them.

00:26:55And the advantage of this is,

00:26:56often men or families take advantage of this.

00:26:59When they give consolation,

00:27:00when they make up,

00:27:01often the girls get angry and take a stand.

00:27:04There's no change in their behaviour,

00:27:06their attitude doesn't change,

00:27:07but they make up by talking,

00:27:09they connect,

00:27:10they say, now I'll change,

00:27:12they give consolation.

00:27:13So, please don't fall into these consolations,

00:27:15until they bring those things into action.

00:27:19You're putting forth a demand,

00:27:21that you do a job,

00:27:22not me.

00:27:22Whether you're doing it for 10,000 or 50,000,

00:27:25but at least earn something and bring it in.

00:27:27So, until...

00:27:27It's your responsibility in our house.

00:27:29Absolutely, absolutely.

00:27:30Until they bring action to it,

00:27:32until then, don't move from your stand.

00:27:34And the rest of the family,

00:27:36a little bit of family planning,

00:27:37I think time has passed so much,

00:27:39that in family planning,

00:27:40a little bit of wisdom should be done,

00:27:43as to how all these things will be managed in the future.

00:27:45Meaning, you don't have a job,

00:27:47you don't have anything to feed yourself,

00:27:49and you're giving birth to children.

00:27:51What decency is this?

00:27:52You don't have to feed the children,

00:27:54you have to educate them,

00:27:56you have to do a lot of things for them.

00:27:58Now, obviously,

00:27:59he's separated from his three children,

00:28:00he doesn't have a father,

00:28:02so all three children will be affected.

00:28:04Absolutely, absolutely.

00:28:05So, the next child we have,

00:28:10her name is Hira.

00:28:12Abira, sorry.

00:28:13And what would Abira like to share with us?

00:28:15Let's listen.

00:28:16Yes, Abira.

00:28:17Assalamualaikum.

00:28:18Walaikumassalam.

00:28:19My name is Abira.

00:28:20Abira, if you speak a little louder,

00:28:21your voice will reach us easily.

00:28:23Yes, my name is Abira.

00:28:25Yes.

00:28:26And I wanted to tell you about my marriage.

00:28:29We are five sisters,

00:28:31and my father was a retired government employee.

00:28:36Okay.

00:28:37And five sisters.

00:28:38You can't hear your voice a little bit.

00:28:40We were five sisters,

00:28:42and my father had retired,

00:28:45he was a government employee.

00:28:46Okay.

00:28:48We were two sisters,

00:28:49and we didn't have a good relationship.

00:28:51I was the most beautiful among my sisters.

00:28:53Okay.

00:28:54So, one day, a woman brought a proposal for me.

00:28:58The boy was alone,

00:28:59he had his own house,

00:29:00he had a car,

00:29:01he had a bungalow.

00:29:02Mashallah, they were very settled people.

00:29:05So, when a proposal like this comes to a poor family,

00:29:08just like every parent,

00:29:09my parents also felt that our daughter will have fun.

00:29:12It's a good thing to get married in such a place.

00:29:16So, after a few meetings,

00:29:20they finalized the proposal.

00:29:22Okay.

00:29:22After the proposal was finalized,

00:29:23when it was sent to the relatives,

00:29:26some people objected that the boy was not right,

00:29:30and that he was taking drugs,

00:29:31and they had heard about it.

00:29:33But my parents couldn't decide at that time.

00:29:36During this time, my mother-in-law came,

00:29:38and she said that your relatives have told us a lot about your daughter at home.

00:29:44Okay.

00:29:45That their daughters are like this,

00:29:46their daughters are like that.

00:29:48They said so much that we changed from our own relatives.

00:29:52Hmm.

00:29:53They did such things.

00:29:55So, at that time, we felt that maybe it was the trick of our relatives,

00:29:59that maybe the proposal came from a good family,

00:30:01from a rich family.

00:30:02You got jealous.

00:30:03Because of jealousy.

00:30:05Thinking about this,

00:30:07my parents trusted what my mother-in-law said.

00:30:10My parents are very simple and very poor.

00:30:14Anyway, we got married like this.

00:30:16Before marriage, they said that you are from a poor family,

00:30:19we don't have any demands,

00:30:20we don't want any dowry,

00:30:22we will spend all the money for the wedding,

00:30:24we will do all the food,

00:30:25we will do the venue,

00:30:26we will do everything.

00:30:27Hmm.

00:30:28We just want your daughter and nothing else.

00:30:31Now they said all this,

00:30:32but still, whatever could be done with my parents,

00:30:34the wedding was scheduled for three months,

00:30:36then there were some problems in between,

00:30:38so the three-month wedding was done in one month.

00:30:42Okay.

00:30:42So, the wedding was done in one month.

00:30:44Okay.

00:30:45In this way, we did all the preparations in one month.

00:30:48Somehow, my parents left money for furniture,

00:30:51got furniture done,

00:30:52did small things.

00:30:55Because my mother-in-law said that we will bear all the expenses of the wedding.

00:30:57Hmm.

00:30:58Now, the day I am sitting in Mayu,

00:30:59my mother-in-law is getting married,

00:31:00and she has come to give dowry,

00:31:02and she comes and says that

00:31:03we are not getting venue for the reception,

00:31:05our arrangements are not being made,

00:31:07so the arrangements we had for the wedding,

00:31:09we are doing reception in that.

00:31:11You do this,

00:31:12you give us a simple wedding.

00:31:14We don't have any demands from you.

00:31:16Hmm.

00:31:17So, what could we do at that time?

00:31:19The situation was such that we had to listen to them.

00:31:21We listened to them,

00:31:22and the wedding was done on the second day itself.

00:31:26Hmm.

00:31:27And on the third day, they did reception as per their wish.

00:31:30Where our relatives were upset,

00:31:32so many people did not come.

00:31:33Many people were not present.

00:31:34So, the people of my own family,

00:31:36they were not given any special respect,

00:31:38nor the way it happens that the girl's family has come.

00:31:40Hmm.

00:31:41Nothing of that sort was done.

00:31:42Hmm.

00:31:43Anyway, after some time passed,

00:31:45I mean, they kept me very well for 2-3 months.

00:31:48They used to take me around with them,

00:31:49they used to make me wear nice clothes.

00:31:51When I went to my relatives,

00:31:53I used to go and tell them that I am living very well,

00:31:55I am very fortunate.

00:31:56My parents were also very happy.

00:31:57I mean, everything was going very well.

00:31:59Hmm.

00:32:00After 3-4 months,

00:32:01during this time,

00:32:02Mashallah, there was good news as well.

00:32:04So, after that, after 3-4 months,

00:32:06suddenly my husband's health started deteriorating.

00:32:08His health deteriorated,

00:32:09he was hospitalized.

00:32:10He underwent treatment for 2-3 days.

00:32:12Hmm.

00:32:12In this way,

00:32:13every 2 weeks,

00:32:14every 3 weeks,

00:32:15these things started coming.

00:32:16Now, I could not understand why this was happening,

00:32:18why his health was deteriorating.

00:32:19Hmm.

00:32:20Then, gradually,

00:32:21it started to become clear that he used to take drugs.

00:32:24Oh!

00:32:26And he used to take drugs to such an extent

00:32:28that his condition deteriorated.

00:32:29His parents used to get him treated.

00:32:32And because of this,

00:32:33they took a girl from a poor family

00:32:34so that he could survive with her.

00:32:37Hmm.

00:32:39Do you know, sometimes it happens that

00:32:41if you get a proposal from a very rich family,

00:32:43that is, if your status is much higher than your status,

00:32:48then this is also a disturbing thing sometimes.

00:32:50They say that

00:32:51you should marry someone who is equal to you.

00:32:54This is absolutely right.

00:32:56And there is a saying in English that

00:32:57if something looks too good to be true,

00:33:00it probably is.

00:33:01That is, you know,

00:33:01it looks very good.

00:33:03So, you should also question a little

00:33:05as to what is the reason.

00:33:06Exactly.

00:33:06That is why people do it.

00:33:08Yes.

00:33:08That is why people say,

00:33:09how did this happen?

00:33:10They will be suppressed.

00:33:11Absolutely.

00:33:11How did such a good proposal happen?

00:33:13Yes.

00:33:14Exactly.

00:33:15So, he was sick,

00:33:17he used to take drugs,

00:33:19he was already addicted,

00:33:21even before marriage.

00:33:22Yes.

00:33:23These things came to light.

00:33:25Because we had no knowledge of these things,

00:33:28what these things are,

00:33:29what the conditions are.

00:33:30We were sisters,

00:33:31girls who lived in houses.

00:33:33So, we did not understand all these things.

00:33:35Anyway, when these things started to come to light,

00:33:38and then it started to happen that

00:33:39even in front of me,

00:33:40I used to see him in different ways,

00:33:42sometimes injections,

00:33:43sometimes some powder type of thing.

00:33:45Allah!

00:33:46But it was a matter of respect,

00:33:48he was from a poor family.

00:33:49So, I tolerated it silently

00:33:52that now it will be fine,

00:33:53now it will be fine.

00:33:54Meanwhile, Mashallah,

00:33:55he had a son.

00:33:56Then it happened to me that

00:33:57he had a son.

00:33:58Now, Mashallah,

00:33:59I have a little importance

00:34:00from my in-laws as well.

00:34:02And maybe my husband will also change

00:34:03that he has a child,

00:34:04he has a son.

00:34:05But it didn't make much difference to that person.

00:34:07His dosage was also increasing.

00:34:11Allah!

00:34:11He used to stay away from home

00:34:12for a long time.

00:34:13So, was your mother-in-law

00:34:14not helping you

00:34:15to meet him in the app?

00:34:16When I started complaining to my mother-in-law,

00:34:18at first,

00:34:19I didn't talk much

00:34:21when there were strangers.

00:34:22But when I started complaining,

00:34:24then the opposite reaction started to come

00:34:26that you are not able to handle your husband,

00:34:28you are not able to handle him.

00:34:30We thought that

00:34:31his wife will come and change him.

00:34:33So, it was the responsibility of the wife

00:34:34that she will change him.

00:34:35You are not changing him

00:34:36and he is not changing you.

00:34:38Anyway, I talked to him a lot like this.

00:34:40Now, when she used to stop him

00:34:43that you don't take these drugs,

00:34:44you don't do this,

00:34:44you are with the children,

00:34:45see who is after you.

00:34:47So, on this matter,

00:34:48he started beating me up.

00:34:50How many children did you have?

00:34:52In this, I had two children,

00:34:54by the grace of God.

00:34:55Yes.

00:34:55So, my third pregnancy was going on at that time.

00:34:59There were so many fights

00:35:00that he hit me with the belts

00:35:02in the pregnancy.

00:35:03Allah!

00:35:04Oh!

00:35:06And somehow,

00:35:07in my house,

00:35:08somehow,

00:35:09because I was not allowed to use my mobile,

00:35:10I was not allowed to go to my parents' house.

00:35:12Allah!

00:35:13Now, she was also worried

00:35:14that he should not open the matters of the house outside.

00:35:20Then how did you get out of the house?

00:35:22So, when he started hitting me with the belts,

00:35:24somehow, I got contact at home.

00:35:26I just said that

00:35:27come and take me from here.

00:35:29Here, I have lost my patience.

00:35:31Okay, he beats me up,

00:35:32he takes drugs.

00:35:32So, he becomes so crazy

00:35:34to beat up the children as well.

00:35:35Then, he does not take care of us.

00:35:37My father-in-law has a very good business.

00:35:39He has a very good income.

00:35:40When he sees us from outside,

00:35:41he feels that we are a perfect family in every way.

00:35:44But, there are so many problems in his house.

00:35:47My father-in-law is also a psychological person.

00:35:49He is a mother-in-law.

00:35:50He has the whole house in his hands.

00:35:51According to him, the whole house runs.

00:35:53But,

00:35:53he also used to beat me up

00:35:55that why are you not being able to control my son?

00:35:57Why are you not being able to correct him?

00:35:59Allah!

00:36:00So, now, a man who is not listening to his parents,

00:36:03how would he listen to me?

00:36:04How much could I have handled him?

00:36:06I did whatever I could.

00:36:08And,

00:36:08believe me, I was definitely from a poor family.

00:36:10But, my parents raised me with a lot of love.

00:36:13When I had a slight fever,

00:36:15my parents took me to the doctors

00:36:17and got me treated.

00:36:18And, here,

00:36:19believe me,

00:36:21my children are at home.

00:36:22They got them treated by the nurses.

00:36:24Allah!

00:36:26So,

00:36:27it gives me a lot of pain

00:36:28that being poor is not such a big punishment

00:36:31that you do not take me to the doctors

00:36:34and do not let me talk to my family.

00:36:36If a woman from the neighborhood comes,

00:36:37I do not want to sit with her.

00:36:38If my parents come,

00:36:39I do not want to talk to them.

00:36:40They have gone to travel.

00:36:42They have gone here.

00:36:43I used to be present at home.

00:36:44There were a lot of lies going on.

00:36:46A lot of lies.

00:36:48Allah!

00:36:48I had seen my life getting ruined.

00:36:51I did not want my children to survive like this.

00:36:56Then, I thought of taking a stand.

00:36:58I had become strong.

00:36:59I thought that now I have to take a stand for my children.

00:37:01I was not able to tolerate my children.

00:37:03Somehow, I informed my family.

00:37:05My family members came.

00:37:06They brought two or three elders of the family.

00:37:09So, I had to say in front of them

00:37:11that she does not work.

00:37:13She is a workaholic.

00:37:14She is like this.

00:37:16So, now I was not able to tolerate it.

00:37:18Now I opened my mouth and said that

00:37:20no, her son, my husband, takes drugs.

00:37:24We already knew all these things.

00:37:25He misled us.

00:37:27He put us in the mirror.

00:37:29We trusted his words.

00:37:31Now, because I had spoken and opened my mouth,

00:37:33he also hit me in front of my relatives.

00:37:37Allah!

00:37:39How long have you been separated from him?

00:37:41It will be a year now.

00:37:44Did you take a divorce?

00:37:46No, we did not take a divorce.

00:37:48It so happened that I asked him for a divorce.

00:37:51He said that he asked me for a divorce.

00:37:53I had asked him for my dowry.

00:37:55He refused and said that if you want to take a divorce,

00:37:58then take it.

00:37:59You will not be given a dowry.

00:38:00You will not be given a divorce.

00:38:02Now, I want to discuss with you.

00:38:06I want your advice.

00:38:07I have not been divorced from him yet.

00:38:08I have heard about it.

00:38:10I have not heard about it.

00:38:10I am 100% sure that he has been married again.

00:38:15My children are with me.

00:38:18I have four or five sisters at home.

00:38:20My children are also being raised by my old father.

00:38:25By the grace of God, our expenses are managed.

00:38:27Relatives help us.

00:38:29You do not do anything.

00:38:30I cannot do anything.

00:38:31My daughter is very young.

00:38:32I cannot leave her.

00:38:34We could not get your education because of the situation.

00:38:38Because of the situation, we could not get jobs.

00:38:40We were not girls who used to go out of the house.

00:38:42We were girls who used to stay at home.

00:38:44My sister does not have any experience of a job.

00:38:49The pension that my father gets from that pension

00:38:52and the relatives who help us,

00:38:54that is how we are able to run our house.

00:38:55My in-laws do not realize that

00:38:58how I am able to take care of my three children.

00:39:02Oh God!

00:39:04What should we do?

00:39:04What should be the answer to this?

00:39:07All the girls and their families

00:39:08think that if they get a proposal from a rich family,

00:39:11their life will improve.

00:39:13See, it is not a bad thing to hope or try for something good.

00:39:18But if there is an incident where drugs are involved,

00:39:22that your partner is addicted to drugs,

00:39:25then first of all, it is not your responsibility to fix it.

00:39:30It is not possible.

00:39:32Because drugs have a direct effect on your brain.

00:39:36And if a person who is taking drugs at that time

00:39:39is not in his senses,

00:39:41then what is he saying?

00:39:42What is he doing?

00:39:43Who is he hitting?

00:39:45How aggressive is he being?

00:39:46And they are there.

00:39:47This is the effect of drugs.

00:39:49And our thought is that we will be fine with time.

00:39:53They are not responsible for other problems.

00:39:56They don't work.

00:39:58They are not emotional.

00:39:59They don't know how to talk.

00:40:00They are short-tempered.

00:40:01They can manage everything.

00:40:03But drugs are such a thing that increases with time.

00:40:06For example, if you take a cup of tea in the morning,

00:40:10then after some time you will feel that your work is increasing.

00:40:12I don't take a cup of tea, I take two cups of tea.

00:40:14Now I don't feel so alert.

00:40:16I think I should drink a little stronger tea.

00:40:18This also works on a small scale with drugs.

00:40:23Because that caffeine goes into your system.

00:40:25The same thing, drugs start giving you at a big level.

00:40:29The more you take it, the better you feel.

00:40:33And that person starts taking more.

00:40:35And then when he is not caring for himself,

00:40:37he is not caring for his health,

00:40:39then he will not be able to care for his parents or anyone else around him.

00:40:43And see, sometimes they get into trouble.

00:40:46You know, sometimes there is such a social circle.

00:40:48They are living outside.

00:40:50So they get into these things.

00:40:51Parents have a very strong role in this.

00:40:53If parents see it as a problem,

00:40:56that yes, this problem has happened,

00:40:58yes, he has started taking it,

00:40:59now we have to talk about it,

00:41:00we have to stop him,

00:41:01we have to keep an eye on him,

00:41:02we have to not let him go out of the house,

00:41:04we have to force him into rehab,

00:41:06we have to not give him money,

00:41:07then it is a good thing.

00:41:09But if parents are covering it,

00:41:11then you are sharing it with him.

00:41:12By covering it, you have put another person in his life.

00:41:16You have also ruined that girl's life.

00:41:19He wanted to get married.

00:41:22Because who will give their daughter to a drug addict?

00:41:25There will be no enemy who will do this to their daughters.

00:41:28So there are a lot of such stories that

00:41:32the spoilt rich people of a rich family

00:41:35get married in their homes.

00:41:38By deceit.

00:41:39And those girls, because they are poor,

00:41:41they remain silent.

00:41:43And their lives are ruined.

00:41:47It is impossible for them.

00:41:49How did we get such a good marriage?

00:41:51How to reject the proposal?

00:41:53And after the marriage,

00:41:54what will our family members say?

00:41:56Everyone has their own norms.

00:41:58So I think,

00:42:00first of all, one should get married in an equal family.

00:42:03And even if you are getting married,

00:42:05there is a slight difference in the family.

00:42:09So there should be a lot of investigation.

00:42:12There should be a lot of police investigation.

00:42:16And it is not a crime to be poor.

00:42:18It is not a crime to be in financial difference.

00:42:20And if you live your whole life in this sense of inferiority,

00:42:23that they have done a favor by sending the proposal.

00:42:26So in this way, the world has changed a lot.

00:42:29So if you are also at home,

00:42:31then it is not necessary to go out a little.

00:42:34Now everything has become virtual.

00:42:36You come towards a little self-reliance.

00:42:38Everyone else is there.

00:42:39How long will you be a burden on your father?

00:42:42You will have to take a stand.

00:42:44Allah makes the fate.

00:42:46Some mistakes happen to humans too.

00:42:48But we get the fate from there.

00:42:50And sometimes there are such turns in life.

00:42:52So they push you towards success.

00:42:55If you can take a stand yourself,

00:42:57seeing the faces of your children,

00:42:59under compulsion,

00:43:01Allah will put a courage in you.

00:43:03Many women say that

00:43:05if all this had not happened to me in life,

00:43:07then where I am today,

00:43:09it would not have happened there.

00:43:11If we check the background of many women,

00:43:14who are very famous women,

00:43:16they say that if I had not had these shocks,

00:43:18then with the help of these shocks,

00:43:20I have reached a level.

00:43:22So sometimes you understand

00:43:24that Allah is giving you those shocks in life

00:43:26that he wants to take you somewhere.

00:43:28So you can also take this thing positively.

00:43:30A small break.

00:43:32Keep watching after the break.

00:43:34Good morning Pakistan.

00:43:44Welcome.

00:43:46Welcome back.

00:43:48Good morning Pakistan.

00:43:50I was going to tell you

00:43:52that I am going to discuss an important topic

00:43:54which is not told to our girls.

00:43:56This education is not given.

00:43:58But I am discussing this topic

00:44:00because I don't know

00:44:02how many girls' lives

00:44:04are being destroyed.

00:44:06I have Hina Asif

00:44:08from the marriage bureau.

00:44:10Alvin Asif, sorry.

00:44:12I am not able to understand

00:44:14what the team is saying.

00:44:16I am not able to understand half of it.

00:44:18I have become deaf.

00:44:20Alvina Asif is with us.

00:44:22Sometimes it happens

00:44:24that the marriage bureau

00:44:26also deceives them.

00:44:28If they are also given

00:44:30something for the marriage,

00:44:32then there are many things

00:44:34which they can't even find out.

00:44:36Something like this happened

00:44:38in front of Alvina.

00:44:41Bint-e-Kamal.

00:44:43Alhamdulillah,

00:44:45I have been married for 7-8 years.

00:44:47There are good and bad experiences

00:44:49in memories.

00:44:51There are a few which I would like to share.

00:44:53There was a client of mine

00:44:55who got married in a very well-off place.

00:44:57She was also very well-off.

00:44:59She has been married for 2-2.5 years.

00:45:01The marriage was very good.

00:45:03The boy had studied in America.

00:45:05The marriage was very good.

00:45:07All the functions were

00:45:10on an outstanding level.

00:45:12When the girl goes to her room

00:45:14after the wedding,

00:45:16when the boy comes to the room,

00:45:18it happens that

00:45:20he comes and looks at his wife.

00:45:22He takes out a dress

00:45:24from the cupboard

00:45:26of a bridal dress type.

00:45:28He goes to the washroom,

00:45:30changes and comes back.

00:45:32The girl is completely shocked.

00:45:34The boy takes out the clothes of the girls

00:45:36from the cupboard

00:45:38and puts it on himself.

00:45:40It was like a drama.

00:45:42Which drama were you in?

00:45:44Ishq Zahe Naseeb.

00:45:46In which Zahid Ahmed and Yumna Zahidi were there.

00:45:48Yes, it was a very good play.

00:45:50So, people

00:45:52tried to make people understand.

00:45:54Exactly.

00:45:56What is this?

00:45:58It is called gender identity disorder.

00:46:00It means

00:46:02that my gender

00:46:04is female.

00:46:07When I grow up,

00:46:09I am against my gender.

00:46:11I feel that I am not a female,

00:46:13but a male.

00:46:15What is happening in the West?

00:46:17Children become handsome.

00:46:19They become a dog.

00:46:21They get their surgeries

00:46:23and make strange faces.

00:46:25I am this.

00:46:27I feel that I am this.

00:46:29It is called gender identity disorder.

00:46:31It is a very serious

00:46:33psychological disease.

00:46:35Because it is related to my gender

00:46:37and my identity,

00:46:39it will not affect people.

00:46:41If I am sitting somewhere far away

00:46:43and I am connected to my family,

00:46:45then I am connected on mobile or video.

00:46:47People will not know

00:46:49that I am fighting with myself.

00:46:51When someone comes to live with me,

00:46:53they will know

00:46:55what they are going through.

00:46:57The confusion of male and female

00:46:59is mostly in these things.

00:47:01There are many other problems in the West.

00:47:04The confusion of male and female

00:47:06is mostly in these things.

00:47:08But it is happening behind the curtain.

00:47:10Yes, it is happening behind the curtain.

00:47:12It is happening in front of the curtain.

00:47:14Now, you tell us

00:47:16what happened with Dr. Neelam.

00:47:18I will agree with her.

00:47:20He was the only brother of seven sisters.

00:47:22The only brother of seven sisters.

00:47:24So, there was a lot of confusion

00:47:26in him.

00:47:28When parents saw

00:47:30some abusive things,

00:47:33their skills

00:47:35were enhanced.

00:47:37When parents saw some abusive things

00:47:39in his personality,

00:47:41they said,

00:47:43send the child away from the sisters.

00:47:45Send him away from the atmosphere

00:47:47of the sisters' home.

00:47:49You are saying,

00:47:51they sent him to the West

00:47:53where everything has been enhanced.

00:47:55When he came back,

00:47:57they got him married.

00:47:59The parents did not know

00:48:01and sent him away.

00:48:03Nowadays, it is happening

00:48:05that if a boy is abused

00:48:07or he is shouting,

00:48:09get him married.

00:48:11He will be fine.

00:48:13He will be fine.

00:48:15So, what happened with that girl?

00:48:17When she went to her home,

00:48:19she told everything to her mother.

00:48:21Her mother did not accept it.

00:48:23She said,

00:48:25your mental level is not accepting it.

00:48:27So, you are saying something on your side.

00:48:30He was in front of his wife.

00:48:32Yes, he was in front of his wife.

00:48:34He was doing this on a regular basis.

00:48:36After 2-3 days,

00:48:38when the girl went to her mother's home

00:48:40for the next day,

00:48:42she said,

00:48:44I will not go back home.

00:48:46She said,

00:48:48they do such things.

00:48:50She said,

00:48:52you do not want to stay,

00:48:54we will drop you.

00:48:56Mother said,

00:48:58the girl said,

00:49:00I will go,

00:49:02but you have to skip 1-2 days

00:49:04and come to my home

00:49:06in the late hours

00:49:08so that you can see everything lively.

00:49:10So, she said,

00:49:12okay, go.

00:49:14She did not come for a day.

00:49:16The next day,

00:49:18when she came,

00:49:20she said,

00:49:22we were passing by,

00:49:24so we came.

00:49:27So, was he roaming around the room?

00:49:29He did not lock the room.

00:49:31He told his mother,

00:49:33I will not lock the room.

00:49:35You come and knock.

00:49:37You will come in and see everything.

00:49:39Nothing will be pre-planned.

00:49:41If it was pre-planned,

00:49:43he was working on a daily basis.

00:49:45We have to plan for lies.

00:49:47The truth always comes out the same.

00:49:49So, this is what happened to him.

00:49:53Then the girl went to her mother's home

00:49:56She must have taken her mother with her.

00:49:58Yes, she must have.

00:50:00She must have taken her step.

00:50:02Yes, she took her step.

00:50:04But her mother died of shock

00:50:06because she was his only daughter.

00:50:10He is a very good friend of mine.

00:50:12He is a very good client of mine.

00:50:14But the girl did not marry him.

00:50:16This is not a common thing.

00:50:18Tell me something,

00:50:20the boy,

00:50:22sometimes it happens that

00:50:24the parents are not at fault

00:50:26but they are at fault

00:50:28for ruining the life of another girl.

00:50:30Now, if a boy or a girl

00:50:32is in a situation

00:50:34where God has mercy

00:50:36on them

00:50:38then the parents are not at fault

00:50:40but they are at fault

00:50:42for ruining someone else's life.

00:50:44See, it is exactly like that.

00:50:46The intention of the parents is

00:50:48to fix it.

00:50:50But the problem is that

00:50:53they can't share it with anyone.

00:50:55It is such a shame

00:50:57that these problems are not common.

00:50:59They are very different.

00:51:01They don't know who to go to,

00:51:03who to talk to,

00:51:05where to find a solution.

00:51:07They think that marriage is the solution

00:51:09and they get married.

00:51:11This problem will be solved,

00:51:13a partner will come,

00:51:15companionship will be established

00:51:17and attention will be diverted.

00:51:19But this does not happen.

00:51:21No matter what the problem is,

00:51:23if you get married, the stress will increase.

00:51:25If I have a sprain

00:51:27and you tell me

00:51:29to put 4 kgs of weight

00:51:31on it, my hand will get better.

00:51:33It will become a fracture.

00:51:35Marriage is a stressful relationship.

00:51:37It will only increase

00:51:39your existing problems.

00:51:41You will have to be stronger than before.

00:51:43Tell me one thing.

00:51:45If the parents know about this

00:51:47then there is a little doubt.

00:51:50Should parents come to you for help?

00:51:52Definitely.

00:51:54What should we do?

00:51:56What steps should we take?

00:51:58Take any decision

00:52:00whether to get married or not.

00:52:02How to stop us?

00:52:04Sometimes there is a lot of pressure.

00:52:06They leave the child.

00:52:08Exactly.

00:52:10They go against the pressure.

00:52:12You have definitely seen

00:52:14because it is a very sensitive problem.

00:52:16Tell me

00:52:19If the child comes to you

00:52:21for help

00:52:23can he be a normal person?

00:52:25What will be his treatment?

00:52:27If you are accepting

00:52:29a problem

00:52:31and you feel

00:52:33that you have a problem

00:52:35then there is a solution.

00:52:37It is your psychology

00:52:39that determines your gender.

00:52:41If I don't have any problem

00:52:43with it, for example

00:52:45smoking is okay

00:52:47then I will never leave it.

00:52:49I will never discuss it with anyone.

00:52:51He will feel that I am fine.

00:52:53Exactly.

00:52:55But if I have an awareness

00:52:57that it is a problem

00:52:59and I can't live a normal life

00:53:01then definitely I will go to the solution.

00:53:03Counseling

00:53:05is not that there are no such cases

00:53:07but definitely there are such cases.

00:53:09But there must be no medicines

00:53:11to stop it.

00:53:13Like she was saying

00:53:16there are some life experiences

00:53:18that take you there.

00:53:20I don't think

00:53:22living with sisters is a strong factor.

00:53:24There can be a reason

00:53:26that the environment was the same

00:53:28but all the brothers and sisters

00:53:30are not free in this.

00:53:32And there are many life experiences

00:53:34that make these things more certain.

00:53:36So you need to work

00:53:38on them.

00:53:40As a family

00:53:42you have to support them

00:53:44If you look at it as a problem

00:53:46and try to address it

00:53:48then definitely there is a change.

00:53:50The first thing is

00:53:52not to increase the problem

00:53:54by getting married

00:53:56because another person

00:53:58came and her life was ruined

00:54:00and she was saying that

00:54:02that lady didn't get married again

00:54:04and she was in trauma.

00:54:06Now we will tell our children

00:54:08that you didn't solve

00:54:10the problem of your husband

00:54:13and now you are the one

00:54:15who has to solve the problem

00:54:17of your child.

00:54:19Now everyone knows

00:54:21that this is a problem

00:54:23and they have taken

00:54:25open ownership

00:54:27and trauma is happening

00:54:29with many people

00:54:31so please don't

00:54:33discuss this

00:54:35with anyone else.

00:54:37There are many people

00:54:39who have heard stories

00:54:42and they don't know

00:54:44what is happening

00:54:46and may Allah have mercy on them.

00:54:48We have a drama called

00:54:50Ishq Zahe Naseeb

00:54:52and we told people

00:54:54about it

00:54:56and there was an Indian movie

00:54:58called Lena Chahiye Nahi

00:55:00and it was about genders

00:55:02and there was a girl

00:55:04and there was a boy

00:55:06and there was a girl

00:55:08but all these things

00:55:10are just to give you

00:55:12awareness

00:55:14and it is very important

00:55:16to think about it

00:55:18and sometimes matchmakers

00:55:20don't know

00:55:22and being a mother

00:55:24I won't trust any matchmaker

00:55:26and sometimes parents

00:55:28don't know

00:55:30and the parents of the boy

00:55:32are thinking for their own good

00:55:34and sometimes parents

00:55:36don't even know

00:55:39and when we are talking

00:55:41about deceit

00:55:43if we are getting married

00:55:45then we are there

00:55:47to make a relationship

00:55:49we are not detectives

00:55:51we are not there

00:55:53to investigate

00:55:55if you are there

00:55:57to find faults

00:55:59then you will find faults everywhere

00:56:01so you can investigate

00:56:03and see basic things

00:56:05and if there is any trauma

00:56:07how to come out of it

00:56:09this is very important

00:56:11because no one

00:56:13can guarantee

00:56:15that your life will be peaceful

00:56:17there are many problems

00:56:19in life

00:56:21you have to handle them

00:56:23and secondly

00:56:25until a person

00:56:27doesn't leave anything

00:56:29like his case

00:56:31or any drug

00:56:33he has to be powerful

00:56:36that he has to end it

00:56:38first he has to understand

00:56:40that he is wrong

00:56:42and until he doesn't

00:56:44he won't be safe

00:56:48I want to go

00:56:50to another topic

00:56:52Alvina will tell

00:56:54because I understood

00:56:56that you were going to discuss

00:56:58another topic

00:57:00I would like to share

00:57:02one more experience

00:57:05I got a proposal

00:57:07from a male

00:57:09to accept me

00:57:11as his son-in-law

00:57:13or abroad

00:57:15so that

00:57:17he can set me

00:57:19he worked according

00:57:21to my requirements

00:57:23and I started working

00:57:25with him

00:57:27when I told him

00:57:29about the proposal

00:57:31he was good

00:57:33when I told him about

00:57:35the proposal

00:57:37he understood

00:57:39what I was saying

00:57:41he understood

00:57:43what I was saying

00:57:45so now

00:57:47he has to visit

00:57:49I got a call

00:57:51from the same guy

00:57:53from a female

00:57:55I asked

00:57:57Alvina to save my home

00:57:59I asked

00:58:02he said

00:58:04the one who contacted you

00:58:06is my husband

00:58:08earlier he got married

00:58:10to his cousin

00:58:12there was a reason

00:58:14so they got divorced

00:58:16he got married to me

00:58:18he has a daughter

00:58:20and a son

00:58:22they are twins

00:58:24they are about to deliver

00:58:26when he told me

00:58:28I told him

00:58:30to talk to me as a witness

00:58:32if I can give you proof

00:58:34he said ok

00:58:36so he cut the call

00:58:38and called me

00:58:40from his mother's number

00:58:42he shared all the pictures

00:58:44of his honeymoon period

00:58:46of his kids

00:58:48even the pregnancy

00:58:50he shared all the pictures

00:58:52oh my god

00:58:54you know

00:58:56I have never shared this

00:58:59they got married

00:59:01in an arranged marriage

00:59:03and the boy

00:59:05was a few years younger than them

00:59:07and because

00:59:09they couldn't get married

00:59:11in the struggle of life

00:59:13they had a good business

00:59:15and they wanted to get married

00:59:17so they got married

00:59:19in an arranged marriage

00:59:21and the boy was well educated

00:59:23he used to go to university

00:59:25so they liked each other

00:59:28after marriage

00:59:30his husband said

00:59:32I am doing a PhD

00:59:34so I have to go for a joint study

00:59:36so they used to stay away

00:59:38and this started increasing

00:59:40and there was nothing wrong

00:59:42they had a good married life

00:59:44after 3-4 months

00:59:46my relatives

00:59:48called me

00:59:50I was in my teens

00:59:52they said

00:59:54I have a doubt

00:59:56that where do they go

00:59:58for a joint study

01:00:00and they used to stay away

01:00:02every night

01:00:04so when we

01:00:06reach there

01:00:08through the number

01:00:10which they used to call a lot

01:00:12so what we see

01:00:14that the boy

01:00:16who is pregnant

01:00:18who is going to have a baby

01:00:20next month

01:00:22he was already married

01:00:25my relative

01:00:27got married to him

01:00:29by cheating

01:00:31because he wanted to go abroad

01:00:33and that's why

01:00:35he got married

01:00:37and my relative

01:00:39was attached to him

01:00:41she was involved

01:00:43she used to stay there

01:00:45and she got to know

01:00:47that such an educated woman

01:00:49got cheated

01:00:51and still

01:00:53she couldn't leave him

01:00:55so she

01:00:57sold her business

01:00:59and went abroad

01:01:01to US

01:01:03and after going to US

01:01:05she started living a good life

01:01:07so she was not getting a child

01:01:09so she decided to adopt

01:01:11later she got to know

01:01:13that that man

01:01:15got his name

01:01:17written for adoption

01:01:19of his own child

01:01:22so he decided

01:01:24to call his first wife

01:01:26so his plan was

01:01:28that after divorcing his wife

01:01:30he will get his first wife

01:01:32and sponsor his child

01:01:34and throw away

01:01:36his relative

01:01:38so like

01:01:40in so many lives

01:01:42we have seen cheating

01:01:44and you get cheated

01:01:46after a short break

01:01:48you keep watching

01:01:51....

01:01:58welcome..

01:02:00welcome back, good morning Pakistan

01:02:02....

01:02:04....

01:02:07....

01:02:10....

01:02:13....

01:02:15....

01:02:17....

01:02:19you are stuck in a whirlwind, and sometimes you are really stuck in the whirlwind of relationships

01:02:28that it is not so easy to get out of it and more than half of your life is ruined.

01:02:33By the time you step out of it, or you get out of it, by then your hair might have turned

01:02:42white.

01:02:43So we should discuss how to get out of it, or when we should get out of it, when we need

01:02:51help.

01:02:52In today's world, no one will tell you aunts and aunts, you will have to take help.

01:02:57And this is happening all over the world that please normalize it.

01:03:02If you need help for anything, then go and get help.

01:03:07Go to the doctor.

01:03:08I have Erum with me right now.

01:03:11Let's hear what Erum has to say.

01:03:15Assalam-o-Alaikum.

01:03:16Walaikum Assalam.

01:03:17I would like to tell you about my daughter.

01:03:19Please speak a little louder.

01:03:20Please bring the mic closer.

01:03:21I can't hear you.

01:03:22I would like to tell you about my daughter.

01:03:25I have six children.

01:03:27Three of them are my daughters.

01:03:29I married my first daughter.

01:03:31My daughter got married through matchmakers.

01:03:34They sent proposals for my daughter.

01:03:38Matchmakers were very familiar with us.

01:03:42They trusted us a lot.

01:03:46They told us that there is a boy who works in a property.

01:03:51He is not 100% wrong.

01:03:54You have to trust me and get married.

01:03:57We got my daughter married in six months.

01:04:02When we got married after six months, my daughter went there.

01:04:06She stayed there for 10-15 days.

01:04:11A month passed.

01:04:15When the second month started, my daughter's behavior was not good.

01:04:22Neither her family nor her husband.

01:04:26My daughter came to me twice and discussed.

01:04:30She said that her husband was not right with her.

01:04:33Neither was her behavior good with me.

01:04:36I told her that this is how it is.

01:04:39It takes at least a year to adjust in the family.

01:04:43I explained to my daughter and sent her.

01:04:46I gave her a gold set.

01:04:50She asked me to bring her receipt.

01:04:52My daughter came and took the receipt.

01:04:55You gave her a gold set.

01:04:58She asked you to give her the receipt.

01:05:01Did you give her the receipt?

01:05:03Yes.

01:05:04She wanted to know if it was a gold set.

01:05:08Yes.

01:05:10When my daughter asked me for the receipt, I told her that it was her property.

01:05:16I gave it to her.

01:05:19She took the receipt.

01:05:21I gave her some documents that my daughter had studied.

01:05:26I taught her how to sew.

01:05:29She came to take the documents.

01:05:32I gave it to her.

01:05:33I told her that it was her property.

01:05:35After a while, her family started to leave her alone.

01:05:41Once she was sitting at home.

01:05:43She was cleaning the house.

01:05:46She saw some documents in her closet.

01:05:55It said that this boy had already married twice.

01:06:00Oh my God!

01:06:02The third one was my daughter.

01:06:04He had already married twice.

01:06:08We didn't know anything about the first wife.

01:06:11My daughter was not smiling.

01:06:15My daughter came to my house.

01:06:20She talked to me.

01:06:22I told her that we will take action on this.

01:06:24But you should have brought the evidence.

01:06:27How will we take action on this?

01:06:32You should have brought something.

01:06:34We told my daughter to go home.

01:06:37We will do it ourselves.

01:06:39But you should have brought the evidence.

01:06:45My daughter was left alone.

01:06:47She was a girl.

01:06:48She couldn't do anything.

01:06:50She told her husband about this.

01:06:52He locked her in the room.

01:06:54Oh my God!

01:06:55There was an uproar.

01:06:58She didn't have a mobile phone.

01:07:00She didn't have a mobile phone.

01:07:03She had a mobile phone at home.

01:07:05But we didn't give her a mobile phone after marriage.

01:07:07We told her that we will get it for her.

01:07:09But she shouldn't take it from here.

01:07:12My daughter didn't have anything.

01:07:15We didn't have a good family background.

01:07:19Most of the people in my area know me.

01:07:23My daughter was tortured.

01:07:27She was beaten.

01:07:29She was burnt.

01:07:34My daughter screamed.

01:07:36She threw something.

01:07:38We found out that something was wrong with her.

01:07:44We got to know about it.

01:07:46We went to her house.

01:07:49She was in a very bad condition.

01:07:52I married my daughter when she was 19 years old.

01:07:55I didn't know how she was.

01:07:59We didn't take any action.

01:08:01We brought our daughter home.

01:08:03There was a lot of uproar.

01:08:05We asked them to release her.

01:08:06They said they wouldn't release her.

01:08:07We didn't want to divorce her.

01:08:08We didn't want to do anything.

01:08:09We didn't want to take her home.

01:08:10She would rot there for the rest of her life.

01:08:12We said she wouldn't rot.

01:08:14But we wouldn't take any action.

01:08:17We didn't want anything from our daughter.

01:08:20There is nothing greater than a child.

01:08:22Absolutely.

01:08:24You brought your daughter home.

01:08:27Didn't you get a divorce?

01:08:29We got a divorce.

01:08:32We got a divorce.

01:08:35We didn't know what happened to the other wife.

01:08:40We didn't know about the first wife.

01:08:42But we found out about the second wife.

01:08:44She was out of her mind.

01:08:46This was their job.

01:08:49This was their job.

01:08:51I don't understand.

01:08:53How do they find peace in ruining other people's lives?

01:08:58How do they think?

01:09:00How do they live their lives?

01:09:02If they ruin the lives of other women,

01:09:04they wouldn't be living a normal life.

01:09:06They wouldn't be living a normal life.

01:09:08They wouldn't have a sister.

01:09:10They wouldn't have a child.

01:09:12They wouldn't have a daughter.

01:09:14They wouldn't have this.

01:09:16How do they find out?

01:09:18It's a strange thing.

01:09:20How do they evaluate other people?

01:09:23If they had an observation,

01:09:25like people meet a lot of people,

01:09:27and socialize,

01:09:29they would have done a better job of face reading.

01:09:31If they had a bad relationship,

01:09:33they would have observed it.

01:09:35They would have observed that there is something wrong.

01:09:39But innocent people can't do that.

01:09:41There are two things.

01:09:43First, give them some time.

01:09:45Before you get married,

01:09:47before you get married,

01:09:49give them some time.

01:09:51People are in a hurry.

01:09:53There is no problem in that.

01:09:55If they want to do it in a month,

01:09:57you have to wait for a year.

01:09:59We don't know what will happen in a year.

01:10:01That year is better.

01:10:03To see each other.

01:10:05Exactly.

01:10:07You give your child for a lifetime.

01:10:09If someone can't live with you for a year,

01:10:11how will he live his life?

01:10:13Exactly.

01:10:15Give them some time.

01:10:17We want to get married soon.

01:10:19We want to get married soon.

01:10:21I request my parents.

01:10:23Marriage is the biggest part of life.

01:10:25But it is just a part.

01:10:27Life doesn't start or end on marriage.

01:10:29Life doesn't start or end on marriage.

01:10:31People go to buy a property.

01:10:33They go to buy a car.

01:10:35They do a lot of research.

01:10:37They do a lot of research.

01:10:39They do a lot of research.

01:10:41Give him a location,

01:10:43that what will happen.

01:10:45And sometimes we do get a match.

01:10:47We make it off quickly.

01:10:49Let me tell you.

01:10:51I was in the zone.

01:10:53My childremas cleared my mind.

01:10:55My childremas cleared my mind.

01:10:57I don't mind.

01:10:59There was a chance.

01:11:01When my children got married late,

01:11:03I though my daughter is

01:11:05an average age.

01:11:07I'll pass.

01:11:09So I said, I'll do it tomorrow, it started at 15, it started at 16.

01:11:14So my children cleared my mind, what you are saying now.

01:11:18That it doesn't happen that marriage is not everything,

01:11:21by seeing and understanding.

01:11:23When we understand marriage, then we will get married.

01:11:26And as a society, when we make a goal of a good marriage,

01:11:30and not just marriage,

01:11:32then this change will start coming,

01:11:34that there is quality in marriage too.

01:11:36And we have not seen this,

01:11:37because we have done compulsion, or haste, or tolerance,

01:11:41or compromise.

01:11:43Earlier I didn't know what the definition of marriage was.

01:11:47But when it was explained to me,

01:11:51when I heard about the maturity of people,

01:11:53then I came to know that the definition of marriage is

01:11:55to give peace to others.

01:11:57If a girl is coming to your house, then she will be a source of peace for you.

01:12:00If a man is coming in your life, then he will be a source of peace for you.

01:12:05Allah has made this relationship so that there is peace in each other's life.

01:12:09When there is no peace, when there is a burden,

01:12:13then there is no use of such a life.

01:12:15Allah has given us such a beautiful life.

01:12:18So compromises, you have to do it even when you are living with your parents.

01:12:23You have to share things with your siblings.

01:12:26In good and bad times, you have to support your parents.

01:12:29And you have to make your child your friend.

01:12:32It was our time, not yours.

01:12:34I will say what I think.

01:12:36Earlier there were no phones,

01:12:38there were no media.

01:12:41Now if you take all these things,

01:12:44whether it is shows or dramas,

01:12:46if you take them positively, then it is all awareness.

01:12:48Everyone is showing it, even the parents.

01:12:50And there are more divorces because awareness has increased.

01:12:54Absolutely.

01:12:56When we talk about ending marriage,

01:12:58there are two things.

01:13:00One is that your values are clashing.

01:13:04For example, I don't like one thing,

01:13:06my husband likes it.

01:13:08As we usually say, it takes time to adjust.

01:13:10Their home environment is very different.

01:13:12I am not like this.

01:13:14Differences start to arise there.

01:13:16How to do expenditure?

01:13:18How to parent children?

01:13:20These are all things that are managed.

01:13:22If you take counseling, as a couple problem is coming,

01:13:24as a family problem is coming,

01:13:26you cannot go to counseling.

01:13:28You have to sit with a sensible elder to mediate.

01:13:32All these things can be resolved with them.

01:13:36But if abuse is coming somewhere,

01:13:38and abuse is not just physical abuse,

01:13:40it is not just beating.

01:13:42If you are facing physical abuse,

01:13:44if you are facing financial abuse,

01:13:46and if you are facing emotional abuse.

01:13:50People do not understand emotional abuse.

01:13:54Please tell us in words,

01:13:56what is emotional abuse?

01:13:58It means that

01:14:00if my personality

01:14:02is being broken by the person in front of me,

01:14:04I am repeatedly feeling inferior,

01:14:08I am being humiliated for everything,

01:14:12I feel that I have no respect.

01:14:16Sometimes it happens that after marriage,

01:14:18especially I have seen girls,

01:14:20their confidence level

01:14:22becomes zero.

01:14:24Because your spouse

01:14:26has told you so much

01:14:28that you are zero.

01:14:30You are nothing.

01:14:32You do not know how to take care of children.

01:14:34You do not know how to take care of the house.

01:14:36You cannot satisfy me.

01:14:38Sometimes it happens that

01:14:40the person in front of you

01:14:42tells you that you are zero.

01:14:44And then you start understanding about yourself.

01:14:46He has accepted me.

01:14:48I am nothing.

01:14:50Exactly.

01:14:52And when these things start happening,

01:14:54along with time,

01:14:56emotional abuse starts happening in the relationship.

01:14:58And then you really become like that.

01:15:00You are not there,

01:15:02but when you are repeatedly given a message

01:15:04that you cannot do anything,

01:15:06you cannot make a roti properly,

01:15:08then after 5 years you will say

01:15:10that you cannot make a roti properly.

01:15:12You do not need to say that to anyone else.

01:15:14You yourself start understanding

01:15:16all those negative things about yourself.

01:15:18You need financial peace.

01:15:20You need social support

01:15:22of a person.

01:15:24And then you need emotional

01:15:26peace.

01:15:28The world is there to criticize you.

01:15:30Your in-laws

01:15:32have expectations from you

01:15:34that our daughter-in-law should do this or that.

01:15:36All that is justified.

01:15:38And if they are telling you

01:15:40that this is not done in our family.

01:15:42That is a different thing.

01:15:44But if your partner is repeatedly

01:15:46making you feel that

01:15:48you cannot do anything.

01:15:50Neither you know, nor you can do.

01:15:52Exactly.

01:15:54So that feeling is not healthy.

01:15:56It needs to be addressed.

01:15:58And if you feel that

01:16:00that person is repeatedly

01:16:02making you feel negative,

01:16:04then you should make a decision about yourself.

01:16:06And this is how it is.

01:16:08Children do not come to take care of her.

01:16:10Her child gets sick all the time.

01:16:12She does not have manners.

01:16:14She does not have manners.

01:16:16She keeps sleeping all the time.

01:16:18What is the condition of my house?

01:16:20I cannot even talk to you.

01:16:22Why should I come home?

01:16:24What will I do?

01:16:26And this is so common

01:16:28that people do not take it seriously.

01:16:30It is an emotional abuse.

01:16:32Abuse happens when it happens

01:16:34repeatedly.

01:16:36You need to address it.

01:16:38You need to talk about it.

01:16:40And then you see

01:16:42how you can make this marriage better.

01:16:44How can you make it rich?

01:16:46How can you make it better in this quality?

01:16:48And see, your children

01:16:50have a big impact from your marriage.

01:16:52Please remember this.

01:16:54Oh my God! I hear so many things.

01:16:56The good things that are happening

01:16:58is that if you want to see your children

01:17:00successful, then first of all

01:17:02give them a good marriage.

01:17:04That is, if the parents

01:17:06show a good healthy relationship,

01:17:08then automatically

01:17:10their confidence level will be here

01:17:12and they will be successful in life.

01:17:14We pray to Allah

01:17:16that may Allah make our children successful.

01:17:18But first, give them a successful

01:17:20married parents.

01:17:22Unfortunately,

01:17:24after the break, we will come

01:17:26and discuss

01:17:28how to make a good

01:17:30human being.

01:17:32If Allah has filled our lap,

01:17:34then how can we make him a good person?

01:17:36Good morning, Pakistan.

01:17:40Good morning, Pakistan.

01:17:48Yes, so the topic here is about fate.

01:17:50Sometimes, fate is very good.

01:17:52It is not so difficult

01:17:54but you get a good companion

01:17:56that your life gets settled.

01:17:58So, it is a game of fate

01:18:00but along with that,

01:18:02there is a big investigation

01:18:04to make relations.

01:18:06So, my next

01:18:08story is behind the curtain.

01:18:10Let me tell you.

01:18:12Who is with me?

01:18:14Can you please tell your name?

01:18:16My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:18Please speak a little louder.

01:18:20My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:22Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:24My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:26Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:28Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:30Go ahead.

01:18:32I belong to a family

01:18:34of six siblings.

01:18:36It is a normal family.

01:18:38My mother was not

01:18:40very smart and intelligent.

01:18:42She was not very smart and intelligent.

01:18:44While doing this,

01:18:46I spoke to a relative of my mother.

01:18:48She spoke to me about our marriage.

01:18:50She liked our marriage.

01:18:52My mother liked it too.

01:18:54She praised us a lot.

01:18:56She said that we are very rich,

01:18:58beautiful, handsome.

01:19:00My mother was impressed.

01:19:02There were six other sisters.

01:19:04When we got married,

01:19:06I went to their house.

01:19:08When I went to their house,

01:19:10everything was fine for a week.

01:19:12I did not find out anything.

01:19:14After a few weeks,

01:19:16the boy started shouting and getting angry.

01:19:18I said that he is a new married businessman.

01:19:20There must be a problem.

01:19:22There must be a loss in the business.

01:19:24He might not be able to tell me anything.

01:19:26I did not even try to ask him.

01:19:28After a while,

01:19:30the fight got worse.

01:19:32Whatever he had in his hand,

01:19:34he used to go to the extent

01:19:36that he used to press my neck.

01:19:38He did not even look at the mirror.

01:19:40He did not look at anything.

01:19:42He used to hit me on my face.

01:19:44I did not say anything.

01:19:46After a while,

01:19:48I spoke to his parents.

01:19:50I asked them why they were doing this.

01:19:52They said that there is no problem.

01:19:54You must be feeling like this.

01:19:56He is not like this.

01:19:58You must be feeling like this.

01:20:00He is not like this.

01:20:02I told them that he tried to press my neck.

01:20:04He used to pick up a knife.

01:20:06He used to show me a knife while eating a fruit.

01:20:08I felt very bad.

01:20:10I spoke to my parents.

01:20:12At the beginning,

01:20:14I did not even talk to my mother.

01:20:16I told her that I am getting married.

01:20:18I have to settle down.

01:20:20I have six other sisters.

01:20:22I will tell my mother.

01:20:24The matter goes to anger.

01:20:26The matter goes to divorce.

01:20:28I told my mother that there is no problem.

01:20:30There is still time.

01:20:32Everything will be fine.

01:20:34As time passed,

01:20:36I found out that he was taking some medicines.

01:20:38He was taking some medicines.

01:20:40I asked his mother

01:20:42about the medicines.

01:20:44She said that he was not taking anything.

01:20:46When I saw his strips,

01:20:48it was written that

01:20:50he was mentally

01:20:52What does it mean?

01:20:54It means that

01:20:56he was mentally

01:20:58Not mentally.

01:21:00He was mentally.

01:21:02He was taking medicines for it.

01:21:04He was mental.

01:21:06I don't know

01:21:08what was the reason.

01:21:10We didn't even know.

01:21:12We just saw his business.

01:21:14He was good looking.

01:21:16We got him married.

01:21:18Now,

01:21:20And Alhamdulillah, I have a son, but he doesn't care at all that he has a son,

01:21:26his life is getting ruined, what is happening, nothing.

01:21:30His parents don't come to talk to him.

01:21:32Are you living with your husband?

01:21:33Yes, I am living with my husband.

01:21:36And now your life is miserable.

01:21:39I am living with him. What can I do?

01:21:42There are six other sisters behind me.

01:21:44My house got ruined, so it happened.

01:21:46Later in their relationship, things get ruined.

01:21:49You have a daughter, so it's obvious.

01:21:52People don't say anything to the boys or the girls,

01:21:55you directly point your finger at the girl.

01:21:57That's why I keep saying on my show,

01:21:59first educate the girls,

01:22:01make them stand on their own two feet,

01:22:03then get them married.

01:22:04Because in someone's life,

01:22:05even if you have six daughters, seven, eight,

01:22:08no matter how many, even if it's one,

01:22:10this can happen with someone's life too.

01:22:13This is what is called fate.

01:22:16They also say that marriage is a gamble.

01:22:19You don't know, no matter how much you investigate,

01:22:21and then this thing comes out,

01:22:23only he knows what is happening with him.

01:22:26So if she had stood on her feet,

01:22:28she wouldn't have been able to tolerate this toxic relationship.

01:22:32Today she thinks that after six sisters,

01:22:35if I also take my children and sit at home,

01:22:38then it will be a burden on my parents,

01:22:40and then I don't know for how long

01:22:42she keeps on carrying this weight.

01:22:44These days on the internet,

01:22:47you will see that there is a very common thing,

01:22:50there is a frog,

01:22:51it has this nature,

01:22:54that whatever the temperature is,

01:22:56according to that, it changes its body temperature.

01:23:00Because God has given it a nature.

01:23:02So if you put the frog on the stove,

01:23:04and start boiling water,

01:23:06then as the water temperature increases,

01:23:08it will manage its temperature accordingly.

01:23:11But when the water is boiling,

01:23:14and it will not be able to manage its temperature accordingly,

01:23:18then it will think that I should jump from there.

01:23:22But till that time,

01:23:23while tolerating it,

01:23:25it doesn't have so much energy

01:23:27that it can even jump.

01:23:29All its energy,

01:23:31with that temperature,

01:23:33to balance itself,

01:23:35is finished.

01:23:36Meaning,

01:23:37the energy has already died.

01:23:39So what happens?

01:23:40It can't jump.

01:23:41And it also burns in that water and dies.

01:23:44In the same way,

01:23:45our lives have also come.

01:23:47We say, leave it,

01:23:48tolerate it, tolerate it.

01:23:50While tolerating,

01:23:51our level becomes so low,

01:23:55that we don't have the courage.

01:23:57And we break.

01:23:58We finish.

01:23:59God has given life once.

01:24:02How to spend that life well,

01:24:05tolerating cruelty is also a big sin.

01:24:08So what to do at what time?

01:24:10Timing is the game of life.

01:24:12No matter how educated you are,

01:24:14no matter how successful you are,

01:24:16no matter how famous you are,

01:24:18if you haven't spent your life in the right timing,

01:24:21then you have spent your life well.

01:24:23Thank you so much Neelam.

01:24:25Thank you so much Mr. Malina.

01:24:27So,

01:24:28we will only tell you

01:24:30that what decision to make at what time,

01:24:33if you decide,

01:24:35then you can spend your life very well.

01:24:37And the aim of this show was that

01:24:40just for the sake of fixing a marriage,

01:24:44for the sake of marriage,

01:24:46don't ruin your life.

01:24:48Sometimes,

01:24:49living in parents' house,

01:24:50you spend your life better.

01:24:52Isn't it?

01:24:53Absolutely.

01:24:54So make the right decision.

01:24:56And awareness about things

01:24:58is very important in today's world.

01:25:00Good morning Pakistan.

01:25:01Allah Hafiz.

Category

Transcript

Recommended