Abonne toué !
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 *music*
00:04 To do magic, you can use magic formulas like
00:07 "Abracadabra, I put my balls on your daddy"
00:09 "Alakazam, I put my shit on your partner"
00:11 But that only works in movies and video games, so forget the extended sentences and shut the fuck up.
00:16 Magic wands are a fucking thing, guys just ripped off the branch of a tree to then shake it in front of my nose and make me believe it's magic.
00:22 "Oh, I'm fine, I'm not 6 years old either, oh what the fuck, he made a rabbit come out of his hat, insane!"
00:27 The magicians in movies are super stylish guys who throw fireballs.
00:31 The magicians in real life, well, at best they throw cards and at worst they become judges of France and an incredible talent.
00:36 "A magician is able to cut your mother in two, great, but don't be a fool, my guy, because Moses, he is able to open the mother in two."
00:42 "So leave the real magic for the prophets, you want to, and go back to work your little passpass tours."
00:46 "Hopla, the piece was behind your ear, you stupid idiot!"
00:49 The guys who do stuff with cards, you're going crazy, seriously.
00:52 The guy, he tells you to choose a card, normal.
00:54 You, you take the 8 of hearts, normal.
00:56 And then he goes "flap, flip, flip, flap, flap".
00:58 "Hopla, I smoke the pack of cards, hopla, I get the right card out of my ass."
01:02 You turn around and it's projected in 4K on the moon, and on top of that, on your right, you have the president who gives a speech like
01:07 "The 8 of hearts is officially the favorite card of the French."
01:10 "If I was a magician, I would make the end of the world disappear."
01:12 "But before that, I would make a lot of tickets appear, yeah, wait, there are priorities in life, my guy, you have to pay the rent, wow."
01:18 If I could choose a power, it would surely be to stop time.
01:20 "Like that, I could go to Berge-Caille and steal a little jeanslean."
01:23 "No, but I admit, it would put your little ball in value too much, it would be perfect, my race, I bet you."
01:28 "Yeah, we have real convictions, my guy, yeah, I would sell my mother for a little ball of biatch, yeah, I have no respect for myself."
01:34 "My first girlfriend, she was a magician."
01:36 "Because she managed to make my virginity disappear."
01:38 "But also the whole of my confidence in me, as well as my self-esteem, as well as my dignity."
01:45 "A great man once said..."
01:46 "You're a witch, Harry."
01:48 "And he was probably right. However, my name is not Harry, so it's useless to me."
01:51 In Harry Potter, the world is divided in two categories, Timothée.
01:54 People who have a big magic wand, and the dumb.
01:56 You, you're a dumb.
01:57 "Hey, but I'm not a dumb, I'm a witch, Wingardium Leviosa, 10 points for Gryffindor."
02:02 Yes, that's good, Timothée, go, go back to play with your imaginary friends at Quidditch,
02:06 and above all, don't forget to put the broom in your ass, it's very important.
02:09 "Watch out, here's an exclusive magic trick, hop, I stole your nose, hop, I ate it, meow meow meow."
02:15 Hypnosis is a bit of magic, and if I was a hypnotist, I would force you to subscribe to the channel.
02:19 But since we're not hypnotists, we'll just ask you nicely.
02:23 "Come on, please, subscribe, come on, subscribe, please, subscribe, go, subscribe, come on, please."
02:27 Hey, hi, your father wouldn't be a magician because he made a beautiful little dove appear.
02:32 "Find all the best catchphrases in my book called 'The Magic of the Ass'."
02:36 "You know my wand can teleport to the seventh heaven?"
02:39 "It works very well, buy it, seriously."
02:41 If I could choose a power, it would surely be to become invisible.
02:44 Like that, I could make bomb photos to the channel, my friend,
02:47 but without going through the big load of work, and I'm not talking about my weight!
02:50 Editing in a video is a bit of magic, and thanks to it, it's too easy to fool people.
02:55 For example, my voice is recorded in post-prod, I'm kidding.
02:58 Magicians are actually masters of illusion, because magic has nothing magical.
03:02 No, it's just the art of deceiving people.
03:04 Yeah, I just ruined the fun, yeah.
03:06 By the way, the fundestructor.png on Instagram and other social networks.
03:10 It's fake, it doesn't exist, I'm going to ruin the fun again, I should do my job.
03:14 And you, Timothée, if you could choose a power, what would it be?
03:16 Well, I would like to have all the powers.
03:19 Oh yeah, of course, I forgot you were this kind of asshole, my friend.
03:22 That's it, it's the end of this video.
03:24 If you're a magician, you can make the pipe go up on Tipeee.
03:26 And if you're a wizard, comment "Wingardium Leviosa",
03:29 the one who has the right spelling wins 3 million euros, it's fake, bye!
03:33 Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe!