When they're hired to work at a cheerleading camp for the summer, two lusty college friends prepare for the most spirited three months of their lives. But the squad won't be ready for serious competition without some remedial training
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TVTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:03 The smell of cheerleader camp in the morning.
00:00:11 Love it.
00:00:12 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:15 [CHANTING]
00:00:28 [CHANTING]
00:00:48 [CHANTING]
00:01:06 No, no, Felice.
00:01:09 You need to lock a Hy-Vee in the--
00:01:14 Brit, would you be a sweetheart and show Felice a Hy-Vee?
00:01:20 Ladies, this isn't some pillow fighting slumber sleep away
00:01:24 camp for sexually frustrated women.
00:01:27 You're here to work.
00:01:29 You're here to cheer.
00:01:31 [CHEERING]
00:01:33 [CHANTING]
00:01:35 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:41 Oh, excuse me.
00:01:42 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:54 Hi, excuse me.
00:01:55 Can you just--
00:01:56 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:59 Could you just tell me where--
00:02:01 Shh, shh.
00:02:02 One second.
00:02:05 Man, you really like cheerleading, huh?
00:02:07 Please, just hold on one second.
00:02:10 What?
00:02:11 Oh, there.
00:02:12 Oh.
00:02:14 Oh my god.
00:02:16 She's a professional.
00:02:18 All right, let me see.
00:02:25 Mike, maintenance, huh?
00:02:27 Me too.
00:02:28 I'll show you to your cabin.
00:02:31 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02:38 Quick, why was that girl not wearing--
00:02:41 Wow, that is an excellent question.
00:02:43 In the immortal words of Mr. Justin Timberlake,
00:02:46 wardrobe malfunction.
00:02:49 But I could see her ass.
00:02:50 Did you really?
00:02:51 Yeah.
00:02:52 Good, that's what they hope the judges will see.
00:02:55 You see, Mikey--
00:02:55 Michael.
00:02:56 Those young, soft, perfect, thrusting, throbbing--
00:03:02 OK, now you're just saying adjectives.
00:03:04 This is cheerleader camp, man, a place for those girls
00:03:06 to come and learn their skills and hone their craft
00:03:09 and to compete, ultimately, on a national, albeit regional,
00:03:13 cable stage for the whole world to see.
00:03:15 OK, but she was naked.
00:03:17 OK, who judges these things?
00:03:20 Judges, I guess.
00:03:21 Horny old men judges who find it better
00:03:24 to masturbate to these adolescent girls carrying
00:03:26 pom poms in person than to download this shit
00:03:29 for free off the internet.
00:03:30 OK.
00:03:35 Why is she naked now?
00:03:36 I mean, there's no judges here.
00:03:38 Oh, wow.
00:03:44 Guy's pretty good.
00:03:45 Oh, yeah.
00:03:46 That's Trey.
00:03:47 He's the head of the whole janitorial maintenance
00:03:49 department.
00:03:50 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:03:53 So seriously, this is the place to be for the summer.
00:03:57 It's like Pussy Central.
00:03:58 All these hot, young girls away from their boyfriends,
00:04:02 all sexed up, and all the other guys are gay.
00:04:06 Wait, what?
00:04:06 All the guys are gay?
00:04:07 All of them, except for me.
00:04:09 And--
00:04:11 What?
00:04:12 Oh, my god.
00:04:13 You're gay.
00:04:14 What?
00:04:15 You're a bone smoker.
00:04:17 What?
00:04:18 Fudge packer, poop pusher, sausage jockey.
00:04:20 How do you say it in your language?
00:04:21 What language?
00:04:22 The gay language.
00:04:24 Look, hey, I'm fine with it.
00:04:25 I was curious when I was 13.
00:04:27 Wanted to see what a dick looked like.
00:04:28 Picked up a few magazines.
00:04:30 It's cool.
00:04:30 All right, well, there is no language.
00:04:32 I'm not gay.
00:04:32 OK.
00:04:33 [THUD]
00:04:34 Oh, god.
00:04:35 Guys, I am so sorry.
00:04:37 It's all right, dude.
00:04:38 New meet.
00:04:39 You a cheerleader, handsome?
00:04:41 No, maintenance.
00:04:43 Then you work well with a stick.
00:04:45 Jesus.
00:04:46 Hey, big guy.
00:04:47 Hi, Sean.
00:04:48 Oh, my god.
00:04:52 Oh, my god.
00:04:53 I know who you are.
00:04:55 I don't know you.
00:04:56 Oh.
00:04:57 I know you.
00:04:58 You guys met in a bar?
00:04:59 Truck stop, bathroom, hotel room?
00:05:01 YouTube.
00:05:03 I gotta go.
00:05:04 You're the choker.
00:05:06 Choker.
00:05:07 Choker?
00:05:08 It's a gay language.
00:05:09 What does that mean?
00:05:12 So the thing is, the past couple of years,
00:05:13 I've been a little heavy.
00:05:14 But I've been on this new diet plan, and I've lost some weight.
00:05:16 So I really think this is going to be my year.
00:05:19 Well, good for you, man.
00:05:20 Thanks.
00:05:21 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:05:23 You want to be careful what you touch.
00:05:25 It gets a little sticky in here.
00:05:28 All right, this is our room.
00:05:29 See?
00:05:33 This is our bunk.
00:05:34 You can take this one.
00:05:40 I'll take the top.
00:05:42 Oh, thank goodness.
00:05:45 My diet aids have arrived.
00:05:46 I've been waiting all week for these.
00:05:49 Oh, yeah?
00:05:50 Some special food or something?
00:05:53 Yeah, sort of.
00:05:54 You dropped your flashlight.
00:05:59 I think it's broken.
00:06:02 What is it with lax?
00:06:03 It's not a real flashlight.
00:06:05 It's a badge light, see?
00:06:07 It's great for my masturbation diet.
00:06:09 Come on, it's the greatest.
00:06:13 You know, it's the first diet that I've ever
00:06:15 been able to stick to, you know?
00:06:16 And I've tried them all.
00:06:17 I've tried the Atkins and the Zone.
00:06:20 But you know, with this one, you know,
00:06:21 they say that a diet won't work unless you can really stick
00:06:24 to it for your whole life.
00:06:27 And with this one, I don't really think I can.
00:06:29 You're joking, right?
00:06:30 I mean, masturbation diet?
00:06:33 There's no way that can exist.
00:06:34 Yeah, well, tell that to Dr. Sakamura, who invented it.
00:06:37 I mean, it's huge in Japan.
00:06:39 It just hasn't caught on in America yet.
00:06:41 But it will.
00:06:42 I'm like an early adopter.
00:06:43 Every time you spooge, you burn like 100 calories.
00:06:50 So all you have to do is keep the number of spooge
00:06:52 sessions over the number of calories you eat,
00:06:55 and you're set.
00:06:56 Then I can eat pretty much whatever I want.
00:06:58 See, I've already lost like five pounds.
00:07:01 Well, I don't know, maybe like three.
00:07:04 You know, I don't think that's my bunk.
00:07:06 What?
00:07:07 Yeah, I'm going to get another one.
00:07:11 It's cool.
00:07:12 Well, you can stick around, read your magazines, get naked.
00:07:17 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:07:20 [GASPS]
00:07:24 [BEEPING]
00:07:25 Oh!
00:07:26 [BEEPING]
00:07:27 Are you OK?
00:07:28 [SIGHS]
00:07:29 Oh!
00:07:30 I'm so sorry.
00:07:31 I'm-- oh my god, are you OK?
00:07:33 Me?
00:07:34 No, you.
00:07:35 I tripped.
00:07:36 I tripped into you.
00:07:37 Oh, no, no.
00:07:38 I'm fine, really.
00:07:40 You're really hot.
00:07:41 What?
00:07:42 Sweating.
00:07:43 Oh.
00:07:44 I mean, you know, you're really hot there in, you know,
00:07:47 in your beaver.
00:07:49 I mean, you know, you're just bright pink in your beaver
00:07:53 costume.
00:07:54 Costume.
00:07:56 [CHUCKLES]
00:07:57 OK, let me get you some water.
00:07:59 No, no, no, I'm fine, really.
00:08:01 You're really good.
00:08:02 At falling?
00:08:04 No.
00:08:05 I mean, no, back flips.
00:08:07 I saw you earlier.
00:08:08 Are you a cheerleader?
00:08:09 No.
00:08:10 [CHUCKLES]
00:08:11 Oh, you look really familiar.
00:08:15 Well, I used to-- I used to be a gymnast.
00:08:20 Did I give you permission to take your mask off, rodent?
00:08:23 [SIGHS]
00:08:25 Move it, move it.
00:08:26 You owe me a back flip.
00:08:28 Um--
00:08:29 Michael.
00:08:30 Yeah.
00:08:33 This is an exciting year for Cheerleader Camp.
00:08:36 Not only will our final event be aired on Sports Channel,
00:08:40 and not only will the winners receive
00:08:42 a partial college scholarship, but with us today
00:08:46 is Cheerleader Camp's first ever celebrity judge,
00:08:50 Miss Charlene Tilton.
00:08:52 [APPLAUSE]
00:08:55 Many years ago, Charlene and I shared a common path.
00:08:59 We both went to the same high school.
00:09:01 Although Charlene came some years before me,
00:09:04 her legacy carried on.
00:09:07 No matter what I did, I could never live up to her reputation.
00:09:12 Nothing could even compare to the Queen, Charlene Tilton.
00:09:16 Although I didn't have the same advantages as she did--
00:09:19 Daddy's bankroll, the boob job, the nose job, the tummy tuck.
00:09:24 What was I saying?
00:09:26 Anyway, Charlene made the varsity cheerleading squad.
00:09:30 And because of her naked persistence
00:09:33 and her lust for success, so to speak,
00:09:37 this led her to the glamour of Hollywood.
00:09:40 And she landed a star role on Dallas.
00:09:43 And I ended up here.
00:09:47 I'll be in my cabin getting a drink.
00:09:50 Miss Charlene Tilton, everyone.
00:09:53 [APPLAUSE]
00:09:55 She looks pissed.
00:09:59 I'd do her.
00:10:00 So, well, Charlene's obviously a big celebrity,
00:10:04 and she needs to get her rest.
00:10:07 Do they all keep the costumes on, the mascots?
00:10:09 Uh-huh.
00:10:10 It's like a lull of the mascots.
00:10:13 Well, how do they eat with the, you know,
00:10:15 the mask on and everything?
00:10:17 I don't know.
00:10:18 But that girl is totally giving you the eye.
00:10:22 How can you tell?
00:10:23 Oh, you could tell.
00:10:25 Just look.
00:10:27 Dude, did you see that?
00:10:29 Right there.
00:10:31 What?
00:10:32 Come on, it's not the eye-eye.
00:10:34 You've got to look.
00:10:35 Look at the body language.
00:10:36 Look at that.
00:10:37 Oh, my god.
00:10:38 Dude, you should totally go talk to her.
00:10:40 Really?
00:10:41 I'm serious.
00:10:42 Dude, oh, my god, she's smiling at you.
00:10:44 You've got to go.
00:10:45 If you're not going, I'm going.
00:10:46 I'm going.
00:10:47 I'm leaving.
00:10:48 I'm going to go do it.
00:10:49 I'll go.
00:10:50 Then go.
00:10:51 I'll go.
00:10:52 Get up and go.
00:10:53 I'll go.
00:10:54 If you leave, then leave.
00:10:55 I'm going.
00:10:56 Hi.
00:10:57 It's really good to see you.
00:11:03 You remember me from before.
00:11:06 Yeah.
00:11:07 I hope you know you're feeling better now,
00:11:09 and you know you're cooling off because you're really hot.
00:11:13 Before, from running.
00:11:15 Oh, thank you.
00:11:17 Well, I'm happy to see you here.
00:11:19 And obviously we wouldn't be anywhere else because we're both here.
00:11:23 And...
00:11:24 [music]
00:11:35 Um...
00:11:38 So, um, why, uh, why...
00:11:42 Why are we here?
00:11:44 Do you want to take the mask off now?
00:11:47 I want to...
00:11:48 No, you don't want to.
00:11:51 It's, uh, very...
00:11:55 Michael?
00:11:57 Oh, no.
00:11:59 Wait, wait.
00:12:01 Uh, wait, hold on.
00:12:03 Hey, sexy.
00:12:04 What the?
00:12:06 I thought that was a girl.
00:12:08 Uh, I didn't know.
00:12:10 How dare you fooling around out here with this little man pussy.
00:12:15 I'm not gay.
00:12:16 Sure, you might be impressing this little monkey ass here,
00:12:18 but I will not let you disrespect a squirrel image like that.
00:12:22 Take it off right now.
00:12:24 Hey.
00:12:25 Oh, he's naked.
00:12:27 Just leave it on.
00:12:31 Look, I, I swear, okay, I didn't know that this was a guy.
00:12:36 I thought it was...
00:12:37 No, I'm not gay.
00:12:39 Well, it's okay.
00:12:40 Don't be ashamed.
00:12:41 It's cheer camp.
00:12:42 We're very accepting of gays here.
00:12:44 Wait, just don't, hold on a second.
00:12:45 Wait, stop, stop, stop.
00:12:50 Bottoms up.
00:12:59 Well, this is going to cost me like eight sessions.
00:13:05 Hey, man, how'd it go?
00:13:07 It was a guy, the mascot.
00:13:09 It wasn't her.
00:13:10 It was a squirrel and a guy.
00:13:13 Right.
00:13:14 I was wondering about that.
00:13:16 Those beaver teeth didn't look quite beaver-y enough.
00:13:20 You knew this, and you didn't bother to tell me
00:13:22 before I put my hands all over his ass?
00:13:25 Beaver, squirrel, it's the same difference.
00:13:27 Plus, you were already gone by the time I realized.
00:13:30 You know, wait, you touched it?
00:13:33 Did it move?
00:13:34 Even a little?
00:13:35 Stop it.
00:13:36 Well, I mean, it kind of figures.
00:13:37 I mean, in the real world, you're not exactly a chick magnet.
00:13:40 What?
00:13:41 Hey, look, man, I'd have a fighting chance
00:13:42 if you didn't just make everyone think that I was gay all the time.
00:13:45 You're doing a fabulous job of that all by yourself.
00:13:47 You know what?
00:13:48 I bet you could never get two really super hot chicks
00:13:51 to let you fuck them at the same time.
00:13:53 What, what?
00:13:54 How did we even get to that?
00:13:55 That's my goal for the summer.
00:13:57 Two chicks at the same time.
00:13:59 369 is a real calorie burner.
00:14:02 You're joking, right?
00:14:04 Are you kidding me?
00:14:05 Did you not have a childhood?
00:14:06 That's like every little boy's fantasy, man.
00:14:09 You know, it's like the difference between
00:14:10 pounding it out in a sock, which is, you know, like, that's okay,
00:14:13 and like fucking a watermelon,
00:14:17 which is incredible.
00:14:20 Wait a minute.
00:14:21 Fucking a watermelon?
00:14:22 Are you kidding me?
00:14:23 You never stuck your dick in a watermelon?
00:14:24 Um, you know, let me think about that one.
00:14:26 Nope.
00:14:27 It's the best.
00:14:29 You know, I used to do it all the time before my diet aids came.
00:14:32 You know, I was in this very kitchen, fucking away.
00:14:34 Hey, look, here's one right now.
00:14:35 This one's mine.
00:14:38 Pee-lee-lee.
00:14:39 Dude, someone can eat that, man.
00:14:41 You know, your dick has less germs than your hands do.
00:14:44 So that's a little piece of knowledge.
00:14:46 All right, stallion, let's make a little bet.
00:14:48 Whoever can get two chicks to let you fuck them
00:14:50 at the same time first, wins.
00:14:54 You know, I've never said anything about being a stallion,
00:14:57 and just so you know, I'm fine with one, okay?
00:15:00 I'm going to focus on that.
00:15:02 Huh?
00:15:03 Why not?
00:15:04 Whatever.
00:15:05 One's good.
00:15:06 Hey, guys.
00:15:08 Uh, what's this I hear about a bet?
00:15:10 There is no bet.
00:15:11 Uh, yes, there is a bet.
00:15:13 We're seeing who can get a three-way first.
00:15:15 Just to clarify, with two girls?
00:15:17 Well, I'll take a piece of that action.
00:15:19 What's the winner get?
00:15:20 Um, besides having sex with two chicks,
00:15:23 the glory, man, the glory.
00:15:25 Works for me.
00:15:26 Come on, guys, let's go clean up.
00:15:28 Come on.
00:15:29 Oh, fine, Mr. Watermelon.
00:15:30 Great.
00:15:32 [music playing]
00:15:35 No, no!
00:15:42 What are you-- no, don't eat that.
00:15:44 What?
00:15:45 What's wrong?
00:15:47 It's my butt, right?
00:15:48 Oh, it's too big.
00:15:49 Natalia keeps telling me I cannot eat anything with sugar.
00:15:52 No, no, no, you're-- no, no, it's not your butt.
00:15:55 Your butt is, uh, perfect.
00:15:57 I mean--
00:15:58 Oh, yeah?
00:15:59 You know--
00:16:00 Oh, I'm sure you tell all the mascots that.
00:16:03 Oh, I-- I didn't mean it.
00:16:06 Oh, no.
00:16:07 Um, listen, about that.
00:16:09 Look, I know it would look like--
00:16:11 Hey, but--
00:16:12 Newbie, I need you to take out the trash, OK?
00:16:14 Anyway, um--
00:16:19 Trite is so cute, am I right?
00:16:21 What?
00:16:22 I--
00:16:23 [music playing]
00:16:27 [music playing]
00:16:30 Let's hear it for the Beavers!
00:16:35 [cheering]
00:16:38 [music playing]
00:16:41 [music playing]
00:16:53 [music playing]
00:16:56 Boy, they've gotten really great this year.
00:17:09 They might actually even win.
00:17:14 Win's the number two spot, you mean.
00:17:20 Check out the microphone!
00:17:22 [music playing]
00:17:25 [cheering]
00:17:34 All right, so here's the basic method
00:17:42 to changing light bulbs.
00:17:44 It's really a science, right?
00:17:46 You climb up in the rafters, and you change the light bulb.
00:17:49 But once you're there, you stay up there as long as you can
00:17:52 so the girls forget about you.
00:17:54 And then it's like a porno.
00:17:56 Seriously, they start touching each other.
00:17:58 Right.
00:17:59 I'm serious.
00:18:00 It's great.
00:18:01 It's especially helpful for those little, you know,
00:18:03 deposits to the spank bank, which I don't know about you,
00:18:06 but my account is running a little low
00:18:08 with almost 10 withdrawals a day, if you know what I mean.
00:18:11 Masturbation.
00:18:13 Sure.
00:18:18 What?
00:18:19 It's empty.
00:18:20 OK.
00:18:32 Thank you.
00:18:33 All right.
00:18:34 This is it.
00:18:35 This is where the magic happens.
00:18:36 What?
00:18:41 And a new one.
00:18:47 OK, let's go.
00:18:48 Holy pussy.
00:18:56 They're coming in to take a shower.
00:18:58 What?
00:18:59 They're going to take a shower.
00:19:03 Let's go.
00:19:04 I think I pulled a hammy.
00:19:05 Are you pissing us?
00:19:07 You should go see Mrs. Simmons after your shower
00:19:09 and ask for the--
00:19:10 Talk to them after practice.
00:19:11 Yeah, everything is OK.
00:19:13 They said as long as you get the assurance from the school.
00:19:15 Sense of it.
00:19:16 Great.
00:19:18 I'll get the registration paper.
00:19:20 Ladies, can I talk to you for a minute?
00:19:22 I'm concerned about a little weight gain.
00:19:29 A little break.
00:19:30 I promise, it's just PMS.
00:19:31 I'm a little bloated is all.
00:19:32 Yeah, me too.
00:19:33 It's PMS, definitely.
00:19:35 Well, it does seem like your boobs are a little bigger.
00:19:39 Let me see.
00:19:40 Yeah.
00:19:41 Yeah, they're definitely bigger.
00:19:44 Yeah, they're huge.
00:19:45 I mean, they must be like a D now.
00:19:50 What are you guys doing?
00:19:52 We're just comparing breast sizes.
00:19:54 Oh, shit.
00:20:01 What are you doing here, you perv?
00:20:03 I was just changing the--
00:20:04 Oh, you stupid, stinky, embarrassing perv.
00:20:06 Get out of here.
00:20:07 Get out.
00:20:08 Get out, perv.
00:20:12 Serious?
00:20:14 That was awesome.
00:20:16 I must have burned like 400 calories with that.
00:20:19 I love European women.
00:20:20 Hey, I'm going to head back to the cabin for round two.
00:20:23 OK.
00:20:24 I didn't order this.
00:20:37 Crap.
00:20:39 My parents sent it.
00:20:41 It's a pommel horse.
00:20:43 Your parents want you to be gay?
00:20:46 No, it's for gymnastics.
00:20:49 They're just thinking-- never mind.
00:20:53 What do we got under here?
00:20:54 Yeah, see, there's space for something under there.
00:20:56 I could put a couple dildos or something under there.
00:20:59 The tickler, you know?
00:21:01 And slide across it.
00:21:03 Hop on.
00:21:04 Pump through a couple of times.
00:21:07 Got a bone on it and everything.
00:21:09 They just really want you to be gay.
00:21:11 Maybe put the Vagilite here and pump.
00:21:14 And maybe something to tickle my butthole.
00:21:16 That would really get them.
00:21:17 Seriously.
00:21:19 And do you get really sweaty on this?
00:21:21 I bet you get really sweaty.
00:21:22 I would slip off.
00:21:23 See, we're going to need to get some high-grip tape
00:21:25 so I don't slip off.
00:21:26 Because I'd get going.
00:21:27 And if I get going with the lube and shit,
00:21:29 I'm going to fly right off if I'm not locked onto it.
00:21:34 Time to wake up and sneak back into your own bums.
00:21:38 It's time to cheer!
00:21:41 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:21:44 The city sidewalk breaks in two.
00:21:57 Another day away.
00:22:00 I never thought I'd follow.
00:22:03 So the trick is just turn this on like this.
00:22:07 We're not the sprinklers!
00:22:15 Is everything with you a beer commercial?
00:22:22 Ah, yes.
00:22:26 Come on, you guys, keep going!
00:22:32 Dude, he's going to pick her up.
00:22:33 He's going to pick her up.
00:22:34 Here it comes, here it comes.
00:22:36 Oh.
00:22:37 I look and cannot find your outer side.
00:22:40 Gone out of mind.
00:22:42 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:22:45 Turn off the sprinklers!
00:23:01 Up, darling!
00:23:02 You guys!
00:23:08 No, no, no, no.
00:23:09 You're a dick.
00:23:10 And let's have a big round of applause for the squirrels!
00:23:13 Thank you, squirrels!
00:23:15 And next up, we have the beavers!
00:23:18 Take it away, beavers!
00:23:20 [CHEERING]
00:23:23 Where's Natalia?
00:23:25 Where's Duck and Zon?
00:23:28 Miss Simmons, we can't start now.
00:23:30 But Miss Simmons, our captain's not here.
00:23:33 Just go anyway!
00:23:39 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:23:42 Stop!
00:23:56 Cut the music!
00:23:58 Natalia, you need to be up here.
00:24:01 I'm sorry, Miss Simmons.
00:24:03 Oh, I forgot to tell you, they joined my team.
00:24:07 [SCREAMING]
00:24:08 Ladies, please, stop it!
00:24:10 Or you're both suspended.
00:24:12 Now, what happened?
00:24:15 Natalia and the boys just wanted to be on the winning team
00:24:17 for once, that's all.
00:24:19 There is no rule against them joining our team.
00:24:21 But they cannot do that, can they?
00:24:24 Well, I'm going to have to have a look.
00:24:25 But something tells me--
00:24:26 They aren't dreaded this camp.
00:24:27 They can join any team they want.
00:24:29 My father's lawyer checked the bylaws.
00:24:31 It's perfectly legit.
00:24:34 But what are we going to do then?
00:24:37 Well, if you can't get more members to perform,
00:24:39 I'm sorry, but you're not going to be able to compete.
00:24:42 I mean, you can always stay here at camp and work on your skills, but--
00:24:46 But then we're not going to be eligible for the scholarship.
00:24:49 Aw, did the skanky beaver want to go to college?
00:24:54 [laughing]
00:24:57 Dude, it just really sucks for them, man.
00:25:00 I bet those girls are really vulnerable right now.
00:25:04 I bet we could convince them to have a three-way with us.
00:25:08 I don't want to have sex with you and a girl.
00:25:10 Oh, dude, will you stop being so fricking faggy?
00:25:12 I don't want to have sex with you.
00:25:14 I want to have sex with them.
00:25:16 And you might be there, strictly for moral support.
00:25:21 Hold on.
00:25:22 Hey.
00:25:24 Hey, hi. I never got your name earlier.
00:25:27 It doesn't matter. I'm leaving.
00:25:31 It's Sophie.
00:25:33 Sophie.
00:25:35 Look, Mrs. Simmons is looking for more cheerleaders.
00:25:37 Why don't you just do that?
00:25:39 I can't. I can't do what they do.
00:25:41 You could do a double backflip with a 40-pound beaver on your back.
00:25:44 50 pounds.
00:25:46 But I'm not cheerleading material.
00:25:50 It would be really great.
00:25:52 I just--I look better inside a costume, not outside of it, if you know what I mean.
00:25:58 Not really.
00:26:00 Look, do you want that scholarship?
00:26:02 Forget it. Half the girls are leaving tonight.
00:26:04 The rest of us in the morning.
00:26:06 Do you want the scholarship or not?
00:26:09 Hey, Mikey, come on. We got to go fix that window.
00:26:17 Get that fucking trash, too.
00:26:26 Dude, just forget her, okay?
00:26:29 She's one girl.
00:26:31 One girl who will never, ever let you fuck her while she's going down on another chick.
00:26:37 I mean, that's just the facts. That's the way it is.
00:26:39 But here's the best part.
00:26:41 There are a million girls here who would love to do that for you.
00:26:44 You know, if she had her own squad, she'd be able to realize just how good she really is.
00:26:51 Yeah, right. So now all we need to do is find a place with a bunch of limber, athletic girls
00:26:56 who look good in practically no clothes
00:26:59 who are willing to dance around on stage in front of a bunch of people.
00:27:03 If such a place existed, I'd be there all the time.
00:27:07 Wait a minute.
00:27:09 I don't know. This doesn't just be cool.
00:27:17 It's going to be awesome, all right?
00:27:24 Look, dude, we're not going into the back and fucking you with some stupid--
00:27:28 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not like that.
00:27:30 Real cheerleaders for a-- It's a real cheerleading competition, okay?
00:27:34 And there's going to be college scholarships for the winners.
00:27:38 College?
00:27:39 College. Well, whoop-a-dee-doo. A lot of good that's going to do us here.
00:27:44 Shit.
00:27:46 [♪♪♪]
00:27:49 [whispering]
00:27:51 Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
00:27:54 Michael.
00:27:55 Michael, did you say something about a scholarship?
00:27:58 Yeah. It's a partial scholarship.
00:28:04 [groaning]
00:28:12 Whoa!
00:28:13 Shit, Sean.
00:28:14 What are you doing here?
00:28:16 Right. That's why you're all naked walking down El Paso de Gabo.
00:28:20 Michael?
00:28:21 What?
00:28:22 Michael?
00:28:24 Is that you?
00:28:25 Yeah.
00:28:26 What are you doing here?
00:28:28 Uh, skinny dipping.
00:28:31 Here? Now?
00:28:33 Sure. It's the perfect time of night. Join me?
00:28:37 Um, well--
00:28:39 Mmm. Cold stuff.
00:28:41 You're gay, so, okay.
00:28:43 What?
00:28:44 [♪♪♪]
00:28:47 Stop. Stop. Stop.
00:28:50 Are you okay?
00:28:51 Fine. Yeah. It's good.
00:28:55 [♪♪♪]
00:29:01 Stop.
00:29:03 Am I making you nervous?
00:29:05 No. Nope. Not at all.
00:29:08 Okay.
00:29:10 [♪♪♪]
00:29:12 Wow.
00:29:15 Stop. Stop.
00:29:16 Michael, what is wrong?
00:29:19 Uh, listen, sister. He's with me.
00:29:22 No, I'm not.
00:29:24 Yes, you are.
00:29:25 It's not what it looks like.
00:29:27 Is this-- Look.
00:29:28 I--
00:29:29 I'm not with you.
00:29:30 What are you--
00:29:31 Yes, you are.
00:29:32 Sorry. Um, I'm leaving tomorrow,
00:29:34 and you two make a great couple.
00:29:37 No, we don't make a lovely couple.
00:29:39 Not at--
00:29:40 [grunts]
00:29:41 Wait. No, we don't make--
00:29:42 What the fuck is your problem?
00:29:44 Fuck.
00:29:47 [♪♪♪]
00:29:58 Miss Tilton?
00:30:00 Yeah?
00:30:01 Nothing. It's great you're doing this.
00:30:04 I'm thrilled.
00:30:06 What are you, 12?
00:30:08 You don't even know who I am.
00:30:10 Oh, you're wrong.
00:30:11 You're an inspiration to these girls.
00:30:14 Really?
00:30:16 Well, you've probably seen me on reruns of
00:30:19 "Happy Days," "Married with Children,"
00:30:21 or maybe even my starring role in "Problem Child 2."
00:30:25 Classics.
00:30:26 More importantly, you were a varsity cheerleader
00:30:28 that made something of herself.
00:30:30 Oh, thanks.
00:30:34 I'm sorry about what happened to your team today.
00:30:37 That Brittany is a piece of work, isn't she?
00:30:40 Hey, but listen,
00:30:42 you're just gonna have to toughen up there, kid.
00:30:45 That kind of thing is gonna plague you your whole life.
00:30:49 Aw.
00:30:51 So, are you gonna quit?
00:30:54 Do I have a choice?
00:30:56 No.
00:30:58 You should quit.
00:31:00 Hey, Brittany's ruled this world.
00:31:03 You know.
00:31:05 Thanks?
00:31:07 Sure.
00:31:09 [sighs]
00:31:14 I still got it.
00:31:17 [♪♪♪]
00:31:21 Yeah, it's too bad we can't share.
00:31:24 It sucks.
00:31:26 Yeah, I know.
00:31:28 What can you do about it?
00:31:30 Michael?
00:31:32 Aren't you going to say goodbye?
00:31:35 Uh, look...
00:31:38 about last night, it, uh...
00:31:42 Oh, no, no.
00:31:44 It's not like that.
00:31:46 No, no, no, no, no.
00:31:48 I, um, it's--
00:31:50 I interrupted Sean while he was giving Michael head.
00:31:53 No, that's--
00:31:55 [laughter]
00:31:57 You know what? I give up.
00:31:59 Um, have a great summer, okay?
00:32:02 Uh, you're a really great girl.
00:32:06 Thank you.
00:32:08 And I'm sorry again about last night.
00:32:11 I'm so embarrassed.
00:32:14 [chuckles]
00:32:16 [chuckles]
00:32:18 [stammering]
00:32:21 Uh...
00:32:23 Have a good summer.
00:32:25 Okay, bye.
00:32:27 [♪♪♪]
00:32:30 [phone ringing]
00:32:33 Michael!
00:32:35 Bliss.
00:32:37 Our welcoming committee.
00:32:39 You know them?
00:32:41 Yeah.
00:32:43 Who are you?
00:32:45 We're the Beavers, Tiny Tits.
00:32:47 Okay, girls, hit it.
00:32:50 Rim. R-I-M.
00:32:53 Through the rim.
00:32:56 Sink it in, sink it in, sink it in, sink it in, sink it in,
00:33:03 sink it in, sink it in, sink it in, sink it in, sink it in.
00:33:08 Okay, granted, they're not real cheerleaders yet,
00:33:12 but they move really, really well.
00:33:14 They want to perform really well on TV,
00:33:16 and you can train them to do that.
00:33:19 Are they even enrolled in school?
00:33:24 Actually, we thought of that.
00:33:26 They're going to enroll in the online Phoenician University,
00:33:29 the same one that Andy's in,
00:33:31 and then they're just going to drop out when the competition's over.
00:33:34 Um, okay, that's...
00:33:37 Thank you so much,
00:33:39 but the competition's in six days, and I...
00:33:43 I'm just a mascot.
00:33:46 [laughs]
00:33:48 Ooh, look at the new Beavers.
00:33:52 [laughs]
00:33:53 I guess somebody should have told them
00:33:55 it's a cheerleading competition, not a freak show.
00:33:58 Oh, look how sad.
00:34:00 They think that they can do this with all these freaks and sluts.
00:34:05 [laughs]
00:34:06 Oh, look, now the mascot's joining the team.
00:34:10 I'm not a mascot.
00:34:13 I'm a cheerleader.
00:34:15 Oh, yeah?
00:34:17 [laughs]
00:34:18 We'll see.
00:34:19 Yeah, we'll see you at the competition.
00:34:22 Did anyone hear what I just said?
00:34:29 It was like I was in a trance, and I was like...
00:34:33 [sighs]
00:34:34 You're a cheerleader.
00:34:36 We're all cheerleaders.
00:34:38 Go Beavers!
00:34:40 ♪ Hey, hey, it's time to fight ♪
00:34:47 ♪ Everybody yell it, scream and fight ♪
00:34:49 ♪ Hey, hey, it's time to fight ♪
00:34:52 ♪ Everybody yell it, scream and fight ♪
00:34:54 ♪ Hey, hey, it's time to fight ♪
00:34:57 Cinnamon, could you maybe take out your gun?
00:35:00 You're not supposed to be--
00:35:01 Oh, no, no, no.
00:35:02 I need it to keep count with the cheer.
00:35:04 See?
00:35:06 ♪ Hey, hey, it's time to fight ♪
00:35:09 ♪ Everybody yell it, scream and fight ♪
00:35:12 You know, I really hope they can pull it off.
00:35:15 Looks like they're about to pull something off.
00:35:17 Much better, and could you maybe take off your heels this time?
00:35:22 And, oh, your shirt, could you just close it up just a little bit?
00:35:27 Much better, and make sure you have some really tight V's
00:35:31 and great facial.
00:35:32 ♪ Everybody yell it, scream and fight ♪
00:35:34 ♪ Hey, hey, it's time to fight ♪
00:35:37 ♪ Everybody yell it, scream and fight ♪
00:35:39 What are you doing?
00:35:41 That's my V, nice and tight.
00:35:44 That is a vagina, and I like it.
00:35:46 Yeah.
00:35:48 And what are you doing with your face right now?
00:35:50 You said facials, right?
00:35:52 [laughing]
00:35:55 I don't know.
00:36:00 It's just not working.
00:36:02 I mean, they have some skills, but I cannot bring us together.
00:36:08 We have no discipline.
00:36:11 I can't give it to them.
00:36:13 You used to be a gymnast.
00:36:16 Why don't you join the squad?
00:36:18 You could really use some muscle.
00:36:23 I can't, you know, I just--I'm sorry, you know.
00:36:29 What's he doing?
00:36:31 What, that?
00:36:32 That's just some Eastern meditation thing.
00:36:36 Did you see that?
00:36:38 I think that's the kind of discipline we need for this team.
00:36:42 That? No, no, no, no, that's kickboxing.
00:36:45 That's totally different than cheerleading.
00:36:47 I don't think so.
00:36:49 All sports have the same basic ideas in common.
00:36:52 I think I'm going to go talk to him.
00:36:55 Okay.
00:36:56 I'll talk to you later.
00:36:59 [music]
00:37:01 Whew, that's a good workout.
00:37:04 Must have burned 126 calories with that one.
00:37:07 Oh, hey.
00:37:17 You know, I think she's going to ask Trey to join the team.
00:37:21 Oh, yikes.
00:37:24 Come on, man.
00:37:26 We've got to go clean up the kitchen anyway.
00:37:28 You know, maybe it won't lead to anything with them.
00:37:35 Maybe they really are just discussing cheerleader business, right?
00:37:39 Yeah, right.
00:37:41 Ugh.
00:37:53 [music]
00:37:55 Oh, it's so good.
00:38:01 I'm about ready to find out about my share.
00:38:04 Your share?
00:38:06 My cap's never lost its ease. It's just too fattening.
00:38:08 Really?
00:38:10 Well, anytime you want, I got the keys to the kingdom.
00:38:13 I can get you anything you'd like.
00:38:16 Feliz, come on, we've got to go.
00:38:18 We both have practice tonight. Let's go.
00:38:20 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:38:22 Okay, we could hang out later maybe.
00:38:24 Oh, no, it's not that I have plans with Rhonda.
00:38:26 Although, maybe we could both come
00:38:30 if you give us the one thing that we really, really love.
00:38:34 What is the one thing that you really, really love?
00:38:36 Chocolates.
00:38:38 With the peanuts.
00:38:40 No way.
00:38:42 Yes, the chocolate-covered peanuts.
00:38:44 Just so I'm getting this right,
00:38:46 you want penis,
00:38:48 chocolate-covered penis?
00:38:51 Yes, the warm chocolates
00:38:54 covering all those big, big nuts.
00:38:56 Nuts, too?
00:38:58 Okay, I could do that.
00:39:00 What could be better?
00:39:02 I don't think anything could be better than that.
00:39:05 All right, well, I will see you tonight at 9, then.
00:39:09 ( music playing )
00:39:11 ♪ Oh, like that ♪
00:39:14 Come on, man, you can come.
00:39:16 Gonna be a hot night.
00:39:18 No way.
00:39:20 Not interested.
00:39:22 What are you gonna do, sit around here and pine
00:39:24 while I go and win the bet?
00:39:26 There is no bet.
00:39:28 Oh, yes, there is, and I'm gonna win
00:39:30 because you, son, are afraid to perform.
00:39:32 Great.
00:39:40 ( door closes )
00:39:42 Stepping up to the pommel horse is Mike Coker.
00:39:59 What is he doing?
00:40:08 ( music playing )
00:40:10 He looks like a deer in headlights.
00:40:13 Don't worry, son, you'll do just fine.
00:40:18 Just remember to stay above the nine.
00:40:20 Just make sure you stay above the nine.
00:40:22 Remember, I don't date anyone below a nine.
00:40:24 I don't date anyone below a nine.
00:40:30 Remember to stay above the nine.
00:40:32 I don't date anyone below a nine.
00:40:34 Remember to stay above the nine.
00:40:36 Well, I've never seen anything like this before.
00:40:39 Remember, I don't date anyone below a nine.
00:40:42 ( music playing )
00:40:44 ( door closes )
00:40:50 ( music playing )
00:40:57 ( music playing )
00:40:59 Time for some chocolate-covered penis.
00:41:14 All right.
00:41:21 Oh.
00:41:23 Ooh, that does feel good.
00:41:26 Shit.
00:41:28 Let's try this.
00:41:32 Oh, yeah, this is it.
00:41:34 This is the moment.
00:41:36 Okay.
00:41:38 Is this some kind of joke?
00:41:43 Are you trying to make fun of her because she is black?
00:41:46 - Yeah. - No, no, no, no.
00:41:48 She said-- you said you'd like this.
00:41:50 Like what? To see a fat white dude in blackface?
00:41:53 No, why in the hell would I like that?
00:41:56 Chocolate-covered penis.
00:41:58 Oh, screw it.
00:42:00 Oh, I said chocolate-covered peanuts.
00:42:02 Right, nuts, penis, chocolate.
00:42:05 No, I said peanuts.
00:42:07 P-E-A-N-U-C-F, peanuts, nuts.
00:42:11 Peanuts?
00:42:13 Yes, of course, peanuts.
00:42:15 - Oh. - Peanuts.
00:42:17 Yes, peanuts.
00:42:19 Wow, this is funny, right?
00:42:22 I mean, so what, I guess a three-way would be out of the question?
00:42:28 - Let's go. - No.
00:42:30 What? No?
00:42:32 All right, well, since I'm here...
00:42:36 - Ha! - Ha!
00:42:45 Ha!
00:42:47 - Ha! - Ha!
00:42:51 Look at that. It's like he's taking over the whole team.
00:42:55 Yeah, like they're all his groupies or something.
00:42:58 - Ha! - Ha!
00:43:00 Ha!
00:43:02 - Ready, kick, go! - Ugh.
00:43:04 You know what you should do, man?
00:43:06 There's that party tonight, you should meet up with her and you should explain yourself.
00:43:10 No, it's too late for that, man. It's not gonna work.
00:43:12 - Too late? - Yes.
00:43:14 Is that what Garfield did when he wanted the lasagna?
00:43:16 He just did it. He went after it and he got it.
00:43:19 And he didn't let that son of a bitch get in his way.
00:43:21 He ate the lasagna to the last drop. And then what did he do?
00:43:24 He went and he got more lasagna because he's a greedy motherfucker.
00:43:27 And that's what you need to be. You need to be a greedy son of a bitch.
00:43:31 - Oh! - Oh!
00:43:33 - Ah! - Oh.
00:43:35 - Ah! - Ha!
00:43:37 - Well, that sucked. - We're not strong enough.
00:43:42 - You'll probably lose. - That's not a pep talk.
00:43:46 So sue me.
00:43:48 [ music playing ]
00:43:50 # When you think you've lost control
00:44:11 # And you're tired of being alone
00:44:16 # You're not alone
00:44:18 # 'Til it's weekend again
00:44:20 # And you're tired of being alone
00:44:23 # 'Til you can't tell you can't... #
00:44:25 Damn it! Those beavers are getting good again.
00:44:28 It's just Trey and that one stripper girl.
00:44:31 She's a natural.
00:44:33 How does she even have any time to practice during the day?
00:44:36 Doesn't she have to be at work or something?
00:44:39 She doesn't actually work in the daytime, I mean.
00:44:43 Yes, she does.
00:44:46 Definitely.
00:44:48 Excuse me.
00:44:50 Where is the entertainment?
00:44:52 Right there. Or you can go in the back room.
00:44:55 Yeah, no. We need something a little more personal, but not that personal.
00:44:59 Oh, I'm sorry. You have to come back after 5 for that.
00:45:02 We usually don't get requests for lap dances this early.
00:45:04 I would like to speak to the owner of this establishment.
00:45:07 - Just wait right here. - Mm.
00:45:12 So what can I do for you?
00:45:15 Everything.
00:45:17 Yeah, hi. Look, we don't have any lap dances right now,
00:45:23 but you're welcome to go in the back.
00:45:25 No, that's not what we want.
00:45:27 I happen to work for a very large entertainment conglomerate.
00:45:30 We're going to have a lot of executives here next week for the cheerleading competition.
00:45:33 - You may have heard of it. - Yeah, I heard of it.
00:45:35 OK, well, there's nothing these execs like more
00:45:38 than a mid-afternoon dance party.
00:45:41 Then a mid-afternoon stress-reducing lap dance.
00:45:44 But if you don't have early entertainment, then I guess we'll just have to take our business as--
00:45:47 No, no, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.
00:45:49 I got girls, OK? I can reschedule.
00:45:52 - I can have them here earlier. - Of course you can.
00:45:55 No, come on. Please. They work for me, OK?
00:45:58 I'll have the girls here. You bring all the execs you want.
00:46:01 Oh, I will.
00:46:08 Where the fuck's Felice?
00:46:11 You know what's cool about these?
00:46:14 They actually talk.
00:46:17 Fuck me hard.
00:46:20 Fuck me hard in the ass, you big stud.
00:46:23 Fuck me hard.
00:46:25 And you can also program them to say things.
00:46:28 Michael, I want you to fuck me.
00:46:31 I want you to fuck me in my tight, round butthole.
00:46:36 Oh, big boy.
00:46:39 Michael, I want you to fuck me.
00:46:44 I want you to fuck me in my tight, round butthole.
00:46:50 Oh, big boy.
00:46:52 Pretty great, right?
00:46:54 So, well, you're more than welcome to borrow any of these while I'm gone.
00:46:57 Gone at the party, where I'm going to find some strippers and win the bet.
00:47:02 There is no bet.
00:47:04 There most definitely is a bet.
00:47:07 You can deny it all you want, but just you remember,
00:47:09 if you're too afraid to compete, well, then you've already lost.
00:47:13 Too afraid to compete.
00:47:20 Just remember to stay above a nine.
00:47:23 I don't date anyone below a nine.
00:47:25 Nine.
00:47:28 [music]
00:47:30 Ooh, I want to take forensic science.
00:47:37 What's that?
00:47:38 It's like CSI.
00:47:40 New York or Miami?
00:47:42 Vegas.
00:47:43 Nice.
00:47:44 Original.
00:47:45 [music]
00:47:53 According to Native American lore, the beaver is actually a force to be reckoned with
00:47:58 in matters of business and combat, and not a vagina.
00:48:01 I'm going to go get another beer.
00:48:05 Okay.
00:48:06 Oh, hey, Andy.
00:48:08 Did you enroll all the girls in classes?
00:48:10 Mm-hmm.
00:48:12 Hey, is Michael here?
00:48:14 Michael?
00:48:15 No.
00:48:16 He's really upset about you two.
00:48:19 Who, me and Trey?
00:48:20 Yeah, he's just sitting there at the cabin just drinking beer, and you know what?
00:48:24 He doesn't even drink beer.
00:48:26 Really?
00:48:27 Yeah, you know what you should do is you should go and talk to him.
00:48:30 Okay, I will.
00:48:32 You should.
00:48:33 You should go talk to him.
00:48:34 All right, I'll go talk to him.
00:48:36 Great.
00:48:37 [music]
00:48:40 [music]
00:48:42 Michael?
00:48:59 Hi.
00:49:00 Can I come in for a minute?
00:49:04 So, I was talking to Andy, and he said ...
00:49:11 What?
00:49:12 He said that you were jealous of me and Trey.
00:49:16 He said that?
00:49:17 It's not true?
00:49:19 No.
00:49:20 It is.
00:49:23 I mean, kind of, sort of.
00:49:27 Michael, the thing is ...
00:49:30 The thing is ...
00:49:34 The what?
00:49:35 The what?
00:49:36 I think there's a bug on that can.
00:49:37 Oh.
00:49:38 So, you were saying ...
00:49:43 You're a great guy, but the thing is, Trey ...
00:49:47 Yeah?
00:49:48 He's not gay.
00:49:50 I know from experience.
00:49:53 Really?
00:49:56 Well, kind of.
00:49:58 Wait, wait, hold on.
00:50:00 You think that I like Trey?
00:50:04 Well, yeah.
00:50:05 That's why you're jealous.
00:50:07 Because you're in love with Trey.
00:50:09 No!
00:50:11 No, not at all.
00:50:12 No, God.
00:50:14 Trey just wants to have a three-way.
00:50:15 Not with me.
00:50:16 With two women.
00:50:18 I can't explain all the things, the crazy things,
00:50:21 the way that they've looked.
00:50:23 They're all misunderstandings.
00:50:25 All of them.
00:50:26 Wait!
00:50:28 What?
00:50:29 I think you've, you know, had enough tonight.
00:50:32 But I haven't had any.
00:50:34 Wow.
00:50:46 I'm from the Midwest.
00:50:49 So, what are you upset about?
00:50:51 Michael.
00:50:55 I want you to fuck me.
00:50:56 What?
00:50:57 I want you to fuck me.
00:50:59 In my tight, round, butthole.
00:51:02 It's a ...
00:51:03 Big boy.
00:51:05 Oh, my God.
00:51:07 Wait, wait, wait.
00:51:08 Wait, no, no, no.
00:51:09 Stop, stop.
00:51:10 No, it's not what it looks like.
00:51:11 I'm sorry.
00:51:12 Okay?
00:51:13 I'm from the Midwest.
00:51:14 We don't ...
00:51:15 No, no, no, no, no.
00:51:16 I thought we were going to ...
00:51:17 Stop.
00:51:18 Come back, come back.
00:51:20 Hey.
00:51:21 Hey.
00:51:22 Hey.
00:51:23 Is everything all right?
00:51:25 Why don't we get out of here?
00:51:28 Okay.
00:51:30 Oh.
00:51:31 You're not going to do that?
00:51:32 No.
00:51:33 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:34 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:35 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:36 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:37 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:38 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:39 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:40 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:41 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:42 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:43 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:44 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:45 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:46 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:47 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:48 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:49 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:50 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:51 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:52 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:53 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:54 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:55 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:56 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:57 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:58 I'm not going to do that.
00:51:59 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:00 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:01 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:02 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:03 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:04 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:05 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:06 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:07 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:08 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:09 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:10 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:11 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:12 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:13 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:14 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:15 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:16 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:17 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:18 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:19 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:20 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:21 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:22 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:23 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:24 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:25 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:26 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:27 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:28 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:29 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:30 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:31 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:32 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:33 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:34 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:35 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:36 I'm not going to do that.
00:52:38 I'm going to the kickboxing competition in Las Vegas.
00:52:41 Tomorrow morning?
00:52:42 Good night, Andy.
00:53:01 Good night, Andy.
00:53:03 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:07 [SNORING]
00:53:10 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:14 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:17 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:20 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:23 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:26 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:53:29 So as you know, there are only two days
00:53:55 left until the final competition.
00:53:57 Beavers, let's see what you got.
00:53:58 Where's Trey?
00:54:02 Aw, are you looking for your little maintenance boy?
00:54:08 I'm sorry to tell you, but he left you for good.
00:54:12 Trey flew home for a kickboxing competition.
00:54:15 It's just too bad you can't keep a squad together.
00:54:18 OK, we're going to do this without Trey.
00:54:22 What?
00:54:23 Why?
00:54:24 How can we?
00:54:25 We can do it.
00:54:26 What I need--
00:54:27 desire.
00:54:28 Don't-- don't do that jump.
00:54:30 Cinnamon and Sweetie, you guys have to do the set.
00:54:32 You're the only two that can do the lift.
00:54:34 Shit, it's Marco.
00:54:35 [PHONE RINGING]
00:54:36 Bliss, don't answer that.
00:54:38 Hello?
00:54:39 Bliss, I need you girls to come back to the club right now.
00:54:42 No excuses.
00:54:44 Uh, no way.
00:54:45 No.
00:54:46 We have rehearsal.
00:54:47 Yeah?
00:54:48 And you have a job to do.
00:54:49 And if you want to keep it, you'll
00:54:50 come back to the club right now.
00:54:53 Listen, Dawes, you owe me a shitload of money.
00:54:55 And I've been nice enough to let you work it off.
00:54:57 So get your skanky little asses back here now.
00:55:00 [LAUGHTER]
00:55:03 Sophie, I'm-- we have to go.
00:55:07 I'm sorry.
00:55:08 Bliss.
00:55:09 We have-- you guys, we're really sorry.
00:55:11 Please.
00:55:12 No, we have to go.
00:55:13 We have jobs to do.
00:55:14 I'm sorry.
00:55:15 No, no, no, no.
00:55:16 Come on.
00:55:17 [SCREAMING]
00:55:19 [LAUGHTER]
00:55:23 [SIGHS]
00:55:25 Sophie, wait.
00:55:26 Stop.
00:55:27 What? It's over.
00:55:28 It should have been over a long time ago.
00:55:30 Don't say that.
00:55:32 You were great with the squad.
00:55:34 You can't quit now.
00:55:35 You've got to make this happen.
00:55:36 Isn't that your thing?
00:55:37 Your beaver thing?
00:55:38 Take charge.
00:55:39 Adapt.
00:55:40 Overcome.
00:55:41 That would be a lot more believable
00:55:42 coming from someone who hadn't completely
00:55:44 given up on themselves.
00:55:45 You wouldn't have even joined the squad
00:55:47 because of some past flub.
00:55:50 You saw the video.
00:55:51 Yeah?
00:55:52 You froze.
00:55:53 Big deal.
00:55:54 It happens.
00:55:55 OK, it was a little worse than that, I think.
00:55:57 I didn't just freeze.
00:55:58 I choked.
00:56:00 You know, I just saw all those judges
00:56:03 with their little black numbers waiting to judge me,
00:56:08 waiting to determine my life, my scholarship, and everything.
00:56:20 I just didn't--
00:56:21 I didn't want to let everyone down.
00:56:24 Right.
00:56:25 So you're going to use that as an excuse
00:56:27 to keep hating yourself?
00:56:30 So I guess all that talk was just that then, huh?
00:56:34 Talk.
00:56:35 It's too late anyway.
00:56:37 Bye, Michael.
00:56:39 [MUSIC - THE BAD BOYS, "I'LL KEEP YOU CLOSE"]
00:56:42 So I'll keep you close, be part of all of this,
00:56:56 lift every inch I lose.
00:57:02 And boy, I feel so lost.
00:57:04 And every time you're sad, it seems like in a cloud,
00:57:16 it spirals through your ears.
00:57:18 It's all I have for now.
00:57:24 Sorry it didn't work out, Sophie.
00:57:28 You really did try your best.
00:57:30 You can be proud about that.
00:57:32 Bliss, Desire, Marker needs you in the back room right now.
00:57:42 Fuck this.
00:57:46 Want a ride?
00:57:58 [MUSIC - THE BAD BOYS, "I'LL KEEP YOU CLOSE"]
00:58:01 Want a cigarette?
00:58:07 Miss Tolton, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
00:58:11 Look, I hope you're not expecting a pep talk here
00:58:14 or anything, because this is just a ride.
00:58:17 Right.
00:58:18 Are you OK?
00:58:22 I'm fine.
00:58:23 Oh, sweet Jesus.
00:58:26 Do you want me to pull over and you can get out and walk?
00:58:30 Honey, life is lemonade, and sometimes you just
00:58:34 got to count your chickens for a rainy day.
00:58:37 You really suck at pep talks.
00:58:39 Thank you.
00:58:41 Look, I've always been beautiful,
00:58:46 so I can't really relate to what you're going through.
00:58:49 Sorry.
00:58:50 No can help.
00:58:53 Oh, my god.
00:58:54 I get it now.
00:58:56 What?
00:58:57 You're Miss Simmons' Brit.
00:58:59 What?
00:59:00 You got the boob job, the nose, the hair.
00:59:02 You bested your best friends to get ahead.
00:59:05 I did not get a boob job and have my nose done.
00:59:08 Look, we both tried out for Varsity.
00:59:11 She just wasn't good enough.
00:59:13 I am not her Brit.
00:59:15 Yes, you are.
00:59:16 And you're back here because--
00:59:18 Because I'm getting paid a huge personal appearance fee.
00:59:22 Or because you felt bad all these years.
00:59:25 Okay, Dr. Freud, you know, sometimes a penis is just a penis.
00:59:30 I don't know what that means.
00:59:33 Come on.
00:59:35 I'm going to get you back to camp.
00:59:38 Maybe you should slow down a little bit.
00:59:42 [tires screeching]
00:59:46 [music playing]
01:00:15 [grunts]
01:00:18 Ready?
01:00:19 Okay.
01:00:21 What the hell are they doing out there?
01:00:23 [chanting]
01:00:27 Not quitting.
01:00:29 Well, how gay.
01:00:31 Well, I got to get over to Mrs. Simmons' cabin and fix her faucet.
01:00:34 [chanting]
01:00:38 [chanting]
01:00:41 I'm going to go talk to him.
01:01:04 Okay, good luck.
01:01:07 Michael.
01:01:09 Oh, no.
01:01:11 No, no, no, no, no.
01:01:13 It's not what you think.
01:01:14 It's not what it looks like, I swear.
01:01:17 Look, I want to join the squad.
01:01:20 But what about your fear of freezing up, of choking?
01:01:24 Well, I can't promise anything, but I want to do it.
01:01:30 Thank you, Michael.
01:01:33 [music playing]
01:01:36 Okay, you guys, I'm going to go get my college registration in Mrs. Simmons.
01:01:44 [cheering]
01:01:47 Thanks.
01:01:52 Hi.
01:01:56 Fuck off.
01:02:02 Mrs. Simmons?
01:02:04 I'm here to fix the faucet.
01:02:06 Hmm, cherry.
01:02:28 [music playing]
01:02:31 Mrs. Simmons?
01:02:41 I have my registration.
01:02:46 She's not here.
01:02:48 Probably just leave it by the computer.
01:02:51 So you're back to doing the whole fake college thing?
01:02:55 Wait, wait, wait.
01:02:56 You know what?
01:02:57 Maybe afterwards we could, I don't know, do something.
01:03:01 Something?
01:03:02 Yeah, you know, like, I don't know, talk about college or have a three-way, maybe some anal sex.
01:03:08 Wow.
01:03:09 The fact that you would even say that is disgusting.
01:03:13 And you seem like a cool guy, like you're funny, you're smart.
01:03:18 Too bad you're a giant idiot.
01:03:20 Just like a blowjob.
01:03:21 I mean, that's nothing.
01:03:23 Wow, nothing?
01:03:24 Yeah, I mean, you're a stripper.
01:03:26 That's gotta be like blowing your nose.
01:03:28 Okay.
01:03:29 What?
01:03:31 Let's go.
01:03:32 I love strippers.
01:03:50 [coughing]
01:03:54 All right, no funny stuff.
01:03:57 I'm not so sure I feel about all of this.
01:04:13 You're not gonna use that on me, are you?
01:04:16 I am not going to.
01:04:19 What are you doing?
01:04:22 Hey, where are you going?
01:04:24 Hang tight, big boy.
01:04:27 What are you doing?
01:04:28 What? Where are you going?
01:04:30 Hi, Jess, honey. Sorry I'm late.
01:04:40 Oh, no worries. I left my registration papers for you near your computer.
01:04:43 Oh, perfect. I've been waiting for those.
01:04:45 And Andy's waiting for you inside.
01:04:48 Good. He's supposed to come by and fix my broken sink.
01:04:51 Melissa, is that--
01:04:55 Oh, Andy.
01:05:01 Mrs. Simmons, I can explain.
01:05:03 This is not what it looks like.
01:05:05 Oh, I think it's exactly what it looks like.
01:05:07 Blue rooster tits.
01:05:13 [music]
01:05:15 Oh.
01:05:19 Gwen? Are you in there?
01:05:27 That wouldn't happen to be Bliss, would it?
01:05:30 No, Andy. It wouldn't be.
01:05:32 It's my mother.
01:05:34 Your mother?
01:05:36 Your impossibly much, much, much younger-looking mother?
01:05:42 [music]
01:05:44 Hi, Mommy.
01:05:49 Good to see you.
01:05:53 Well, he's a little chubbier than I'm used to, but let's get it on.
01:06:00 Oh, God.
01:06:02 [music]
01:06:04 Oh.
01:06:11 [laughs]
01:06:13 [music]
01:06:15 I don't know how we're going to do this.
01:06:25 [music]
01:06:28 [music]
01:06:30 So, guys, looking good.
01:06:49 [music]
01:06:51 [music]
01:06:53 Back to one, guys.
01:07:14 Okay, here we go.
01:07:16 [music]
01:07:18 Wait, I won the bet.
01:07:26 Bye, Andy.
01:07:31 You just got to let it happen now, you know?
01:07:37 Oh, shoot. Ow.
01:07:44 Sorry about that. I, um...
01:07:47 [music]
01:07:51 [music]
01:08:11 [door creaks open]
01:08:13 Hi, Joshua.
01:08:21 Um, it's Michael.
01:08:25 I've been waiting for you.
01:08:27 Um, you know, I got to get to sleep. Uh, I got to get up early.
01:08:32 Right, right. For the competition tomorrow? I know.
01:08:37 And I also know that it can't really matter that much to you because you're an athlete. A real athlete.
01:08:43 Uh, good night.
01:08:47 I know that you screwed up your last gymnastics meet and you lost your scholarship.
01:08:52 You disappointed your parents, everyone really.
01:08:56 But it seems like you've got some of your mental mojo back.
01:09:00 And now that you do, your coach is willing to take you back.
01:09:03 You can have your scholarship. The full ride.
01:09:06 What? How could you know that?
01:09:09 These are tickets out tonight. How... how did you do this?
01:09:17 Well, as you may know, my father's a bigwig in sports TV. He has a lot of connections.
01:09:23 So that scholarship is yours as long as you leave tonight.
01:09:29 In about... an hour.
01:09:34 (music)
01:09:38 (music)
01:09:42 (music)
01:09:46 And we're here for Sports Channel's 12th annual college cheer competition,
01:09:51 where regional college teams are competing for the honor of best in the state.
01:09:55 And I got my eye on those beavers. They are one sexy group of girls.
01:09:59 (music)
01:10:03 (music)
01:10:07 (music)
01:10:11 Has anyone seen Michael?
01:10:14 I checked backstage. He wasn't there. I don't know where he is.
01:10:18 Next up, the squirrels!
01:10:22 (cheering)
01:10:26 (music)
01:10:30 (music)
01:10:34 (music)
01:10:38 (music)
01:10:42 (music)
01:10:46 They're amazing. They're good.
01:10:50 (music)
01:10:54 ♪♪
01:11:04 ♪♪
01:11:14 ♪♪
01:11:24 ♪♪
01:11:34 [applause]
01:11:44 He's gonna be here. He's gonna make it, guys.
01:11:46 We're gonna take a brief little break,
01:11:48 then we'll be back with more cheering!
01:11:51 Oh, are you talking about Michael, your little maintenance man?
01:11:54 [laughs]
01:11:55 No, he's not coming.
01:11:57 He's planning on going back to school to get his gymnastics scholarship.
01:12:02 [laughs]
01:12:04 Well, at least that's what he told me when I was in his bed last night.
01:12:07 Please, do you really expect us to believe that?
01:12:10 Cheer trash?
01:12:11 Well, otherwise, how would I know he has this cute little mole right here?
01:12:17 [laughs]
01:12:21 Sorry, girls.
01:12:23 Cheetahs, we're up.
01:12:31 I'd rather have him forfeit.
01:12:33 I can't believe he would do this to me, to the squad.
01:12:36 That's just how men are, honey.
01:12:38 Let's have the Cheetahs on stage, please.
01:12:41 [applause]
01:12:45 Here come the Cheetahs!
01:12:47 [music]
01:13:01 [music]
01:13:21 You know, that one judge looks kind of familiar.
01:13:24 [music]
01:13:42 Look, they're amazing.
01:13:44 We probably wouldn't have made it anyway.
01:13:47 [music]
01:14:07 [music]
01:14:18 [applause]
01:14:26 Let's hear it for the Cheetahs!
01:14:29 Tissue?
01:14:32 Listen, I wanted you to know you were right about what I did to Mrs. Simmons.
01:14:37 And I'm going to talk to her.
01:14:39 So thank you.
01:14:42 I am sorry you're going to lose.
01:14:44 You've got a lot of heart there, kid.
01:14:46 Up next, the Beavers!
01:14:49 Excuse me, I've got to go.
01:14:52 Beavers, to the stage, please.
01:14:54 Beavers, to the stage.
01:14:58 Let's just do this.
01:15:01 Sophie!
01:15:03 [music]
01:15:08 Oh, Britt turned off my power.
01:15:10 And I overslept, but I'm here.
01:15:14 I thought you were going back to school for your scholarship.
01:15:17 No, I could never do that to the squad.
01:15:19 It's all about trust.
01:15:20 [laughter]
01:15:24 Are you ready?
01:15:27 Yeah.
01:15:29 Okay, let's do this.
01:15:31 [music]
01:15:35 Here come the Beavers!
01:15:37 [applause]
01:15:42 Let's go, Beavers!
01:15:44 [music]
01:15:50 [music]
01:16:00 [music]
01:16:10 [music]
01:16:20 [music]
01:16:30 [music]
01:16:40 [music]
01:16:50 [music]
01:17:00 [music]
01:17:10 [music]
01:17:20 [applause]
01:17:32 Please wait while the judges make their final decisions.
01:17:38 [music]
01:17:45 [music]
01:17:55 And the results are in.
01:18:00 Third place goes to the Squirrels!
01:18:06 And second place goes to the Cheetahs!
01:18:12 The winners are the Beavers!
01:18:16 [music]
01:18:36 Congratulations, Beavers!
01:18:39 [music]
01:18:51 Thank you, Snickums.
01:18:53 I know you voted for me.
01:18:55 And to thank you, I'm going to give you one of those extra special lap dances that you like so much.
01:18:59 With all the extras.
01:19:02 Daddy?
01:19:05 You mean you didn't vote for her squad?
01:19:08 But I'm her daughter.
01:19:10 Get over it, Britt.
01:19:12 It's time to grow up.
01:19:14 Stop being such a daddy's girl.
01:19:17 Besides, your daddy has another baby to worry about now.
01:19:21 Oh, my...
01:19:23 Oh, my God, no!
01:19:25 [applause]
01:19:31 Charlene?
01:19:33 Oh, hi, honey.
01:19:36 Hey, we can't let the Brittneys of the world win all the time, right?
01:19:39 Thank you for helping us win.
01:19:42 Miss Simmons, Gwen!
01:19:44 Gwen, I really need to talk to you.
01:19:47 [applause]
01:19:53 Hey, Mikey! Look who won the bet!
01:19:56 Yep, this guy.
01:19:59 All right, shall we, ladies?
01:20:01 We shall.
01:20:03 [music]
01:20:21 Wow.
01:20:24 You are really hot.
01:20:28 Oh, my.
01:20:38 Fuck me.
01:20:40 Fuck me so hard.
01:20:42 Oh, you big boy.