How to Live With A Fool -- Derek
Transcript
00:00 (whooshing)
00:02 She was gentle, but she also knew how to assert herself.
00:07 You can be assertive without being a man.
00:13 Okay, how do I say that?
00:14 (congregation cheering)
00:18 I'm gonna look at this side of the room.
00:20 (congregation laughing)
00:23 You can say what you have to say without being manly.
00:29 I'm saying now this side of the room.
00:30 (congregation laughing)
00:33 You can keep your femininity even as you address issues.
00:38 (congregation cheering)
00:40 And we see that Abigail was very comfortable in her skin.
00:45 (upbeat music)
00:57 All right, we're gonna be in Samuel chapter 25 and verse one.
01:01 Then Samuel died.
01:06 Samuel was one of the nation's greatest spiritual leaders
01:11 at that time, but as great as he was,
01:15 the Bible actually says that none of Samuel's words
01:18 ever fell to the ground.
01:20 Only Jesus had a record like that.
01:23 So Samuel was a great man, but as great as he was,
01:28 he still died.
01:30 You see, no one gets out of this life alive.
01:35 But the sad thing is some of us die in our 30s,
01:42 but we're not buried until our 90s.
01:49 My goal is to die young, but as late in life as possible.
01:54 And the Israelites gathered together,
02:00 and they mourned and lamented for him,
02:03 and buried him at his home in Ramah.
02:05 And with Moses, God allowed the people of Israel
02:10 to mourn 30 days after he passed.
02:15 So God allows room for our sorrows,
02:18 but not for our sorrows to last forever.
02:21 Yes, cry.
02:24 Yes, feel the pain, but at some point,
02:26 you gotta wash your face and move on.
02:29 And then it said, and David arose.
02:36 In the same verse, it's written that Samuel died,
02:42 but it's also written that David arose.
02:46 God's work may begin with one person,
02:49 but it never ends with just one person.
02:51 And we must learn to let sometimes people go.
02:56 Seasons change, and some people may be with you
03:01 for a lifetime, but some people are just with you
03:02 for a season, and you gotta learn to embrace the season
03:07 that you're in in your life.
03:11 So David arose, and he went down
03:13 to the wilderness of Paran.
03:15 Now there was a man of Maon whose business was in Carmel,
03:19 and the man was very, very rich.
03:22 Now, wealth in those days was not measured by money per se,
03:27 as much as by livestock in those days.
03:31 In fact, on my recent trip to Kenya,
03:35 there was a Masai pastor that was really doing a great job
03:38 leading his congregation, but because he didn't own cattle,
03:42 the people weren't respecting him,
03:45 and they wouldn't honor him as their pastor.
03:48 So we had to buy him some cattle
03:51 in order to keep the church together.
03:53 So different cultures see things different ways.
03:57 So here it is, this is a very, very wealthy man.
03:59 It doesn't say he had a million dollars in the bank,
04:00 but what it goes on to say is he had 3,000 sheep
04:04 and 1,000 goats.
04:07 Now this was a massive amount of wealth
04:09 in this time in history.
04:12 He had enough to provide food, milk,
04:15 and wool clothing from the sheep
04:18 for thousands of people for several months.
04:21 But here's the deal, we need to learn from this man.
04:24 Never be so poor that all you have is money.
04:26 (congregation cheering)
04:29 And this is the case of the man we're about to study today.
04:35 And he was shearing his sheep in Carmel.
04:39 Now shearing, well, sheep shearing time
04:42 was really harvest time for herders.
04:45 It was a time of celebration, a time of community,
04:48 a time of dancing and laughter.
04:51 And then it goes on and says the name of this man was Nabal,
04:56 which literally in the Hebrew means fool.
05:00 Now the deal is as we go on,
05:03 we're gonna discover he earned this name.
05:05 He earned every bit of that reputation
05:09 and he's not about to disappoint.
05:11 And the name of his wife was Abigail.
05:17 This is important.
05:19 Singles do not overly idealize and romanticize marriage
05:23 or run into it too quickly
05:26 because it could be better to be single and alone
05:29 than to be a companion of a fool for life.
05:32 (congregation cheering)
05:35 And she was a woman of good understanding.
05:43 She was discerning, she was intelligent, she was wise.
05:49 You know, all marriages are not fair
05:52 often because opposites attract.
05:54 And then it continues and says that she was beautiful
06:01 in appearance.
06:02 So she was the whole package,
06:05 hips, lips, fingertips, and a brain.
06:07 (congregation laughing)
06:11 But the man was harsh.
06:15 He was mean, he was hateful, he was angry.
06:21 And then it goes on and said, and he was evil in his doings.
06:27 His bitter, sarcastic, self-serving spirit
06:31 came out in every single thing that this man did.
06:35 You see, we can change our location,
06:38 we can change our circumstances,
06:40 but our attitude still travels with us everywhere we go.
06:45 And this was the challenge for Nabal.
06:48 When David heard in the wilderness
06:51 that Nabal was shearing his sheep,
06:54 again, it's a time of happiness, feasting,
06:57 and celebration, generosity.
07:01 David sent 10 young men and David said to the young men,
07:04 "Go up to Carmel, go to Nabal, and greet him in my name.
07:09 "And thus you shall say to him who lives in prosperity,
07:15 "shalom or peace to you, shalom or peace to your house,
07:20 "and shalom or peace to all that you have."
07:24 So David sent wishes of peace, wishes of blessing.
07:29 This is champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
07:32 I mean, he's really trying to show Nabal
07:36 that he's of goodwill.
07:38 And then he goes on and said,
07:40 "Now I have heard that you have shearers."
07:44 Now, culturally speaking, we'll miss this
07:47 because we're of a different age and a different time,
07:50 but David should not have had to have asked him
07:53 for generosity at this point
07:55 because the ancient codes of this time,
07:57 and actually they still exist
07:59 in certain parts of the world today,
08:01 required people to both feed and shelter strangers
08:05 that happened to be in their area.
08:08 So when we look at what we're reading here,
08:11 we see that Nabal had already snubbed David,
08:15 already slighted David,
08:17 but we see something of David's character here
08:20 because he remained humble enough still to ask,
08:24 and then he even goes on to make a case.
08:26 Let's keep reading here.
08:27 Said, "Your shepherds were with us."
08:30 Now, he's telling the young man
08:31 what to say to the fool, Nabal.
08:33 "Your shepherds were with us and we didn't hurt them,
08:36 "nor was there anything missing from them,
08:38 "all the while that you were in Carmel."
08:42 So what David was asking for was not unreasonable.
08:45 You know, it really, you know,
08:47 it seems like he was asking for a handout,
08:49 but this really made a whole lot of sense
08:51 in the culture at the time
08:52 because Nabal's prosperity was due in part
08:55 to David's men securing the area.
08:58 So there were no nomads, you know,
09:00 rushing in, stealing the sheep.
09:01 Nobody died, nobody got hurt.
09:04 And then David goes on, he said,
09:05 "Ask your young men and they will tell you."
09:08 So we see here that David even gave Nabal
09:12 the benefit of the doubt.
09:14 He's like, "Well, maybe your herders haven't told you.
09:17 "Maybe that's why you didn't invite me.
09:19 "You know, I could have an attitude and everything,
09:21 "but I'm not."
09:22 But we gotta learn to be a lot more like David.
09:25 We often don't just jump to conclusions,
09:29 we cannonball into the conclusion.
09:31 You hear what I'm saying?
09:33 But we gotta learn from David, benefit of the doubt.
09:36 It's like, "Well, maybe folks didn't tell you.
09:38 "Maybe you didn't know.
09:39 "Maybe that's why you didn't invite us.
09:42 "Therefore, let my young men find favor in your eyes,
09:46 "for we have come on a feast day, a celebration day."
09:50 Again, David has 600 armed warriors,
09:55 well-trained, fierce warriors.
09:59 Yet he still, in spite of the snub,
10:03 in spite of the fact what culture dictated,
10:06 he was still as polite as possible,
10:08 and he even throws in a please, watch this.
10:12 "Please give whatever comes to your hand to your,"
10:16 he calls himself his servant.
10:19 "And to your son," calls himself his son, David.
10:24 You couldn't get any gentler, you couldn't get any kinder,
10:27 you couldn't get any more polite.
10:29 Skip to verse 10.
10:30 "But then the fool answered David's servants
10:34 "and said, 'Who is David?'"
10:41 You see, everybody doesn't understand nice.
10:43 "And who is the son of Jesse?"
10:51 Now, the whole country had sung,
10:53 you know, Saul had killed his thousands
10:55 and David his tens of thousands.
10:58 I mean, he's an icon, if you,
11:02 I mean, he's a celebrated warrior,
11:04 but Nabal acts like he didn't know who David was.
11:09 And nothing great's on an eagle
11:11 like little tiny things like this.
11:13 And then he continued.
11:16 He said, "There are many servants nowadays
11:18 "who break away each from one's master."
11:23 So Nabal is here trying to push David's buttons
11:27 like a 13-year-old with a Nintendo,
11:29 and here he's calling him basically a runaway slave.
11:33 And then he continues, remember, he's a fool.
11:38 "Shall I then take my bread and my water
11:43 "and my meat that I have killed for my shearers,"
11:46 notice all the my's and the i's,
11:48 "and give it to men when I don't know where they're from?
11:52 "So David's young men turned on their heels and went back,
11:59 "and they came and told David all these words."
12:03 How many of y'all could say uh-oh?
12:05 Yeah.
12:08 "Then David said to his men,
12:10 "Every man gird on his sword."
12:15 He was like, you want crazy Nabal?
12:18 I'm about to show you crazy Nabal.
12:21 "So every man girded on his sword, and David also his own.
12:27 "And about 400 men went with," David, forgive me,
12:32 "and 200 men stayed back with the supplies.
12:35 "And David was about to turn up."
12:38 Actually, David was about to act like a fool himself.
12:41 We're about to read that.
12:43 But thank God for a good woman.
12:45 (audience applauding)
12:48 Now one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife,
12:54 saying, "Look, David just sent messengers
12:59 "from the wilderness to greet our stupid master."
13:03 Okay, so he said master, our master there.
13:06 And he reviled them, he made fun of them,
13:09 he mocked them and insulted them.
13:11 But here's the deal, Abigail.
13:15 The men were not just good, they were very good to us.
13:20 And we were not hurt, nor did we miss anything,
13:23 as long as we accompanied them when we were in the field.
13:27 So what he was saying was David's men
13:30 conducted themselves with integrity and with honor.
13:35 Nothing was missing, nothing was broken.
13:39 But some people will bite the hand that feeds them
13:43 and kiss the boots that kick them.
13:45 That's what we got with Nabal.
13:48 But watch what he says.
13:50 He says, "Abigail, they were a wall to us.
13:51 "They were our security.
13:53 "They were a defense for us and to us,
13:56 "both by night and by day,
13:58 "all the time we were with them, keeping the sheep."
14:03 So David was doing, and David's men only did the right thing
14:08 and he gets rewarded with insults.
14:11 Watch verse 18.
14:13 "Then Abigail made haste."
14:15 She knew that time was of the essence.
14:18 She knew how men operated and how they were.
14:22 And when it comes to dealing with interpersonal conflict,
14:26 procrastination is like a credit card.
14:28 It's fun until you get the bill.
14:31 And when you put stuff off too long
14:34 and all hell breaks loose and it's too late to fix it,
14:38 you'll regret the fact that you slept on it.
14:41 And she took 200 loaves of bread, two skins of wine,
14:47 five sheep, watch this, already dressed,
14:49 meaning these sheep were already ready to go,
14:52 five seeds of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins,
14:56 and 200 cakes of figs, and loaded them on donkeys.
15:01 Now the fact that she had this much to grab so quickly
15:05 says a whole lot about how much Nabal had on hand.
15:09 And actually it reveals to the reader
15:12 how stingy Nabal was being,
15:14 because all this stuff was on the surface, ready to go,
15:18 and it wasn't because he was poor,
15:20 it was because he was cheap.
15:23 And she said to her servants, "Go on before me.
15:28 "See, I am coming after you."
15:33 But she did not tell her husband, Nabal.
15:37 Ladies, guard against misunderstanding submission.
15:43 Abigail honored her husband
15:50 without losing her individuality
15:53 or her common sense and brain.
15:56 Verse 21.
15:58 There, that was a place to say hallelujah.
16:00 (congregation applauding)
16:02 Ladies, let me know you're in the room.
16:04 Now David had said,
16:09 "Surely in vain," he's upset, his face is red,
16:14 "I protected all that this fellow has in this wilderness
16:19 "so that nothing was missed of all that belongs to him."
16:22 So he recognized, listen, I protected you guy.
16:26 I didn't do any harm.
16:27 I had enough men to take what I want, but I didn't do that.
16:30 And he has, this is what fools do, by the way,
16:34 and he has repaid me evil for good.
16:38 And then David said, "May God do so."
16:42 So David starts swearing now to God.
16:45 And more also to the enemies of David,
16:49 "If I leave one male of all who belong to him
16:54 "by morning light."
16:57 You notice that fools have a special way
17:00 of making you feel like swearing.
17:02 So he's swearing right now in an oath,
17:05 and the worst is being brought out of him by this fool.
17:10 Now when Abigail arrived and saw David,
17:17 the Bible says she dismounted quickly from the donkey
17:21 and she fell on her face before David
17:25 and bowed to the ground.
17:28 So this woman is actually treating him like a king.
17:31 Her husband treated him like he was a nobody from nowhere,
17:37 but she bows, she prostrates, her face is on the ground.
17:41 Then it says, "So she fell at his feet and said,
17:44 "On me, O Lord."
17:48 In the next few verses, we're not gonna read them all,
17:51 10 times she calls David either her Lord or her master.
17:56 And what we see here is a very, very important tool.
18:02 She called David who she needed him to be,
18:05 not necessarily what he looked like at the moment.
18:08 And ladies, you need to learn to call out of your man
18:13 what sometimes is hidden in your man.
18:14 You hear what I'm saying?
18:15 Instead of what's on the surface.
18:18 But watch what she said.
18:20 "On me, let this iniquity be."
18:24 She was willing to accept responsibility for a fault
18:28 that was not her own.
18:29 This woman was really a true leader.
18:32 "And please let your maid serve."
18:35 And I mean, she speaks of herself in the most humble tones.
18:39 "Speak in your ears and hear the words of your," what?
18:43 "Maid servant."
18:45 She was gentle, but she also knew how to assert herself.
18:50 You can be assertive without being a man.
18:56 Okay, how do I say that?
18:57 I'm looking at this side of the room.
19:03 You can say what you have to say without being manly.
19:11 I'm saying now this side of the room.
19:13 You can keep your femininity even as you address issues.
19:21 And we see that Abigail was very comfortable in her skin.
19:27 There's nothing like a confident woman.
19:37 (congregation applauding)
19:40 And she says to David,
19:46 "Please let my Lord regard this scoundrel,
19:50 "nabal."
19:54 And ladies, sometimes you need to call it what it is.
19:58 But she keeps appealing to the king in David
20:04 instead of the fool that had girded his sword.
20:08 Ladies, if you keep appealing to the devil in your man,
20:14 don't be surprised if the devil keeps showing up.
20:17 Pay attention to what I'm saying.
20:18 Treat him like a dog, he's going to act like a dog.
20:22 Somebody better say amen
20:24 because I know I'm preaching good right here.
20:32 For as his name is, so is he.
20:36 Fool is his name and folly is with him.
20:42 And again, this goes on for six more verses.
20:46 But what I want you to see, I'm going to just summarize here.
20:51 Unconditional love doesn't mean
20:52 you unconditionally approve of bad behavior.
20:55 Submission is not the same as enablement.
21:02 And enabling, you need to tell him the truth
21:07 if you're going to be a help and a benefit.
21:09 Now watch, now she's about to teach you something.
21:14 She said, "Now therefore my, my Lord."
21:19 This guy's about to do something foolish.
21:21 In fact, he's about to admit it.
21:22 So it's not just me taking a license here.
21:24 David's about to admit, I was about to mess up,
21:27 but Abigail, you saved me.
21:30 And sometimes we need a woman in our lives
21:32 to protect us from ourselves.
21:35 She said, "Now therefore what my Lord."
21:39 She kept appealing to the king in David.
21:43 David's better angels,
21:46 his higher self versus the fool in David.
21:50 I know when I puff up, if my wife puffs up,
21:56 I puff up further.
21:58 I'm not going to let her outdo my puff.
22:00 You hear what I'm saying?
22:02 I know some of us might be wired differently.
22:04 Yeah.
22:06 But my wife is wise.
22:08 You see a soft answer turns away wrath.
22:12 So when I'm, she'd be saying something sweet.
22:17 I'd be like, oh, I'm such an idiot.
22:18 My conscience, but if you want to go tit for tat,
22:23 you mean you just got to box like a man with a man.
22:27 See, I know that.
22:28 See, mama didn't treat you right.
22:31 She didn't train you right.
22:34 You need to use what your mama gave you.
22:38 Work the tools you have.
22:41 Now, I do know some women will whip their husband,
22:53 but in my situation, my wife, five foot.
22:58 So she got to use the tools God gave her.
23:03 And when we're in a conflict,
23:08 I don't want her to buck up like Johnny.
23:10 Ladies, use your tools.
23:17 Work with what you got.
23:23 Don't argue with him like another man.
23:27 See, I felt it again.
23:30 I just, I can't move on.
23:32 I keep feeling something in this room.
23:34 Abigail was smart.
23:39 The Bible says she was of good understanding,
23:43 but she wasn't trying to be a man.
23:46 (congregation cheering)
23:49 Okay, I'm going to say something that's going to get you mad.
23:55 In our culture today, there's this mindset that ladies.
24:04 (sighs)
24:11 (congregation chattering)
24:15 It's not in my notes, obviously.
24:19 It's this concept that the highest thing a lady can be
24:25 is like a man.
24:26 What's wrong with you?
24:28 You step down when you become like a guy.
24:31 (congregation cheering)
24:35 Okay, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me.
24:42 (congregation cheering)
24:44 So the Bible says this, it said,
24:46 "We're to honor our wives as the weaker vessel."
24:50 Pay attention.
24:51 It didn't say she weak.
24:52 Like I said, some of y'all will whip your husband.
24:55 But to honor as if she's, as if you honor her
25:04 like she's a delicate piece of glass.
25:08 It doesn't mean she's delicate,
25:10 because women are many times stronger than men.
25:12 But if you want to be honored like you delicate,
25:18 you might want to show some delicacy in your manner
25:29 and the way you deal with stuff in the house.
25:32 It said, "Now therefore, my Lord,"
25:36 she's appealing to the king and not the fool.
25:40 She was like, "David, I know you're strong.
25:46 David, I see your muscles.
25:49 I know you can take 'em, David.
25:53 Well, baby, don't take the situation in your own hands.
25:59 Leave it to God, David.
26:01 I know you can, but don't do it, David."
26:04 And sometimes guys need a woman in their life.
26:08 Say, "Step back, step down."
26:12 Watch David's response.
26:16 And David said to Abigail,
26:20 "Blessed is the Lord God of Israel
26:24 who sent you this day to meet me."
26:29 Brothers, you need to recognize the help
26:33 a good woman's trying to give you.
26:35 Yeah, there you go, there you go.
26:44 You see, being wise is not the same as being whipped.
26:48 You need to value your blessing.
26:52 In Genesis, the Bible saw Adam,
27:00 God saw Adam all by himself.
27:02 One of the most dangerous thing in the world
27:03 is a man left to himself.
27:05 Everything was good, but when Adam was alone,
27:08 he said, "It's not good that man shall be alone.
27:11 I shall give you a helpmate suitable for you."
27:14 The woman came to help the man because men need help.
27:20 And you need to help us the way we need the help.
27:31 (congregation applauding)
27:34 But watch 33.
27:35 "And blessed is your advice."
27:39 God didn't give you all that education just to be silent.
27:43 You didn't learn all the lessons you learn in life
27:46 to have no say.
27:48 He blessed her for her advice.
27:52 Guys, we need to be willing to accept some advice.
27:59 And then he said, "And blessed are you."
28:03 Watch this, watch this admission.
28:05 "Because you have kept me this day
28:09 from calming the bloodshed
28:11 and from avenging myself with my own hand."
28:15 And the only reason this happened was because
28:19 Abigail appealed to the king in David
28:22 instead of provoking the fool in David.
28:27 And when she appealed to the higher part, the better part,
28:31 David lived up to the expectations
28:34 and he turned back and did not do the thing
28:37 he intended to do.
28:39 Ladies, you have more influence than you ever realized.
28:44 Now verse 36, this might seem like the sad part
28:49 'cause you think that David and Abigail would have run off
28:52 and lived happily ever after.
28:56 But that's not what happened.
28:58 Abigail was a good woman.
29:00 Abigail went back to Nabal.
29:03 Notice she remained faithful to her fool.
29:07 He was a fool, but her fool.
29:10 And there he was holding a feast in his house,
29:19 acting like a king, like the feast of a king,
29:23 which lets us know that the stinginess
29:26 and the ungenerousness, if that's a word,
29:29 was more a issue of the heart than a lack of resources.
29:33 So it was, and I'm almost done,
29:37 in the morning when the wine had gone from Nabal,
29:41 the other verses say, basically, Nabal got drunk.
29:44 And his wife had told him all these things
29:48 that his heart died within him
29:51 and he became like a stone.
29:55 Is that what it says?
29:56 You see, when you do right, even by the fools in your life,
30:03 God will square things without you going to jail,
30:06 without you getting arrested,
30:08 without you leaving the house in handcuffs.
30:11 38.
30:14 Then it happened after about 10 days.
30:20 Watch this, that the Lord, the Lord,
30:24 the Lord, not Abigail,
30:27 the Lord struck Nabal and he died.
30:33 If you keep doing what's right, God will fight your battles.
30:38 God will handle it his way.
30:42 God knows how to reach a brother
30:45 if he needs to reach a brother.
30:49 But please don't mishear, say, well, Bishop,
30:52 taught me that, you know what?
30:54 I need to go home and begin to pray, that joker.
30:58 Now what you do pray is that the old man dies
31:06 and the new man lives and
31:08 that he crucifies that lower part of him
31:13 so he could walk in the spirit.
31:18 But God knows how to handle your matters
31:20 when you fully give it to God.
31:21 She didn't have to run off with David and cheat with David
31:27 because she felt somebody cared more than her husband.
31:30 She went back to Nabal and God handled it his way.
31:37 And the Lord struck Nabal and he died.
31:45 When you read the Bible, after Nabal, after the fool died,
31:50 David married Abigail
31:56 because he knew a good thing when he saw it.
31:59 And just because you're on your second marriage
32:09 doesn't necessarily mean you any less than
32:11 and any less desirable and all the rest.
32:15 (congregation applauding)
32:17 And brothers, just because she's on a second marriage
32:19 doesn't necessarily mean David saw a good thing
32:24 and he recognized it.
32:29 And what I wanna say to every man in this room,
32:34 we need help.
32:35 And we need to recognize it when it comes.
32:41 Give God a hallelujah and a hand clap.
32:43 (congregation applauding)
32:44 Say, I learned something in church today.
32:46 I'm gonna do better, I'm gonna do better, I'm gonna do better.
32:49 (congregation applauding)
32:50 (upbeat music)
32:53 (upbeat music)
32:55 (upbeat music)
32:58 (upbeat music)
33:01 (upbeat music)
33:03 (upbeat music)
33:06 (upbeat music)
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33:11 (upbeat music)
33:13 (upbeat music)
33:16 [WHOOSH]