Barnaby, 30, and Adriana, 28, are both transgender. They met online and quickly became inseparable, falling in love with each other’s shared values. The pair are now engaged and looking forward to starting a future together. However, before they met, both Barnaby and Adriana faced difficulties in dating. Barnaby told Truly, “It always comes down to that one question: 'did you have the surgery yet?” The trans couple has also been harshly trolled online. “There are death threats sometimes, I’ve been told that I need to be burned with fire”, Barnaby explained. Despite the traumatic messages they have received from the outside world, the couple have bonded over their shared experiences. Barnaby said: “What attracted me the most to Adri was that she was so open and visible, I love that.” The pair have now been together for two years and Adriana sees a brighter path ahead. She said: “I feel now, more than ever in our life, things are starting to fall together and we’re super excited.”
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00 This is Adriana.
00:02 She fell in love with Barnaby.
00:06 When the couple met, they instantly connected due to their shared experience.
00:11 I am a 28 year old transgender woman.
00:14 And I'm a 30 year old transgender man.
00:17 I wasn't having very much success with dating as a trans man.
00:22 And then I found a beautiful woman online and she was going through her own journey.
00:29 The couple began sharing their transition stories online.
00:32 But were hit with some truly shocking comments.
00:36 I was like just death threat sometimes.
00:39 I've been told I need to be burned with fire.
00:42 We've been together now for two years.
00:52 I found Adri on Instagram.
00:56 We kept running into each other at the bars downtown.
01:01 And a week before I was moving to originally California, I asked Adri if she would go out with me.
01:09 And she actually said yeah.
01:11 We went out on a date.
01:13 We're basically inseparable since then.
01:16 I think what attracted me the most to Adri was just knowing someone that had a shared experience.
01:25 She was so open and visible about it.
01:28 I really liked that.
01:29 Yeah I think that's also what really attracted me to you.
01:33 Aside from his eyes too.
01:34 I was like oh my gosh, this guy is so hot.
01:37 When I met him I was two and a half years into my transition.
01:44 I had my top surgery already.
01:48 I had medically been transitioning since 2015.
01:51 Dating as a trans man was really rough.
01:54 What I wasn't prepared for was the ignorance that came with trying to put yourself out there.
02:00 Because it always comes down to that one question.
02:05 Did you have the surgery yet?
02:08 For me dating previously as a trans woman was also very difficult.
02:17 It was just a bunch of guys wanting a very secretive relationship.
02:24 As opposed to now dating him, he actually sees me as a person.
02:28 Aside from just my body and who I am.
02:31 After high school, when I graduated, I came out to my parents the first time as a lesbian.
02:37 And then it was about a year after I lost my brother to suicide.
02:45 It made me reflect more on what my happiness was.
02:49 Am I really being honest to myself?
02:52 And that's where I realized maybe I am transgender.
02:58 For me personally, I have always felt like a girl from as young as I can remember.
03:07 When I was kind of trying to come to terms with being transgender.
03:14 When I was living here at my parents house.
03:16 I kind of made a plan that I was just going to not tell anybody.
03:19 And I was just going to move out and start my transition.
03:22 But actually it was just eating me alive so much.
03:25 I was very, very nervous about telling them.
03:28 Because especially in Hispanic culture, being transgender is just very much bound upon.
03:34 So today my sister and my stepdad are going to be coming over.
03:40 They both were very big parts of coming out in my transition.
03:45 How are you guys doing?
03:47 We're doing good. We've been busy.
03:49 I'm happy to come visit.
03:50 So what was it like for you guys when you found out that I was trans?
03:57 I was like, "Well, my mom's going to freak out."
04:02 Just because she's like, so freaked out about stuff.
04:05 Did you ever feel swayed by family?
04:08 Or like feel ashamed?
04:10 No. Nope.
04:13 My family is a huge family as you know.
04:17 And they're a very loving family.
04:20 But they're also set in their own ways.
04:23 And there's a lot of things that they don't believe in that I do.
04:26 And that doesn't bother me.
04:28 And so no.
04:29 I've never, I was never ashamed of you.
04:32 My fear, I mean it was a really strong fear too.
04:36 For your safety.
04:38 And your mother had the same.
04:40 How did you guys feel when you found out that he was trans and we were together?
04:43 My fears were more so that knowing that you would have times of depression.
04:50 And knowing that you have times of depression.
04:53 And you guys moving across the country became my fears.
04:58 Now, what's going to happen when you guys hit it at the same time?
05:03 And who's going to be there to support you?
05:05 To see your mental health reflected at you in your relationship was an eye opener.
05:12 Because it made me realize I am very dysphoric myself.
05:17 And I internalize mine a lot more than Adri does.
05:22 And hearing the way she talked about herself was really hard.
05:27 Because I actually related a lot to it.
05:30 Just I keep it in my head.
05:32 How do you guys feel about us being so open and vulnerable on the internet?
05:39 Or like putting ourselves out there?
05:41 I always fear that people are going to make you feel bad.
05:45 Like because I know how people are.
05:48 A religious death threat sometimes.
05:51 I've been told I need to be burned with fire.
05:56 Being called "it".
05:57 I've had plenty of men that hate that I can grow facial hair.
06:03 They'll be like, "Yeah, you can grow a beard, but you're still a woman."
06:06 It's just always like, "You're a dude."
06:08 Or, "You still can't have a baby."
06:09 Or, "You don't get a period."
06:11 Like, as if I wasn't already aware of it.
06:13 We're often fetishized.
06:15 If I do get messages about our relationship, it's people wanting to know if they can join us in bed.
06:21 And what we have in our pants.
06:25 The only way that this isn't going to be a problem is if it becomes normal.
06:30 And the only way it's going to ever become normal is by exposure.
06:34 And to me, that's why I'm proud that you're representing.
06:39 When you found out we got engaged, how did you feel?
06:46 I was very happy.
06:49 And I know that she feels the same way because your happiness is what's really important to us.
06:55 And to see you that happy, pretty awesome.
06:58 I personally never thought I was going to get married, honestly.
07:02 Envisioning myself in a dress and having a dream wedding, I'm excited for it.
07:08 But it just doesn't seem real.
07:10 I really appreciate that you're like a second family to me and how much you listen.
07:16 Cheers to love and not judging and being open and supportive and just being together as a family.
07:25 Cheers!
07:26 Cheers!
07:27 Salud!
07:28 I feel now more than ever in our life, things are starting to fall together and we're super excited.
07:35 [Music]
07:37 [Music]
07:39 [Music]
07:41 [Music]
07:43 [Music]
07:45 [Music]
07:47 [Music]