Comedian Michelle Buteau shares a story about a trip to Paris gone wrong in this episode of the Travel Tales podcast by AFAR.
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Read entire story: https://rebrand.ly/40ba8d
Find more episodes of Travel Tales at https://www.afar.com/traveltales
CONNECT WITH AFAR
Afar.com is a digital and print magazine that publishes travel tips, guides, news, and stories: https://www.afar.com
Get updates on the latest articles, travel news, and more from AFAR by signing up for the AFAR newsletter: https://afar.com/newsletters
Follow AFAR on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AfarMedia
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TravelTranscript
00:00 Hi, and welcome to Travel Tales, a podcast from Afar Media. I'm your host, Deputy Editor
00:09 Aislinn Green. I don't know about you, but I am finally beginning to dip my toes back
00:14 into the travel waters. For example, I recently took my first flight in nearly two years,
00:19 which took me to Alaska. Getting back out in the world, it really just makes me want
00:24 to travel more. So lucky for us, the creative folks I've worked with over the past seven
00:29 years, comedians, philosophers, novelists, they feel the same way. So each week on Travel
00:35 Tales, we'll hear from one of our favorite contributors about a trip that changed their
00:39 life. Ready? Let's go. Ready to hear a tale from comedian Michelle Buteau? I know I am,
00:54 because we all need a few more laughs these days. Michelle, for those who aren't familiar,
00:59 is an actress and comedian known for her outspoken and playful humor. You might have seen her
01:03 Netflix special Welcome to Batopia. She's also the host of the new Discovery Plus show
01:08 Weekend Getaway with Michelle Buteau, a three episode series about quick trips in America
01:13 that launched on June 10. But we decided to ask her about international travel. Because
01:18 remember when you were young and naive and would do anything for love or lust, including
01:23 travel to foreign cities? In this tale, we go with Michelle to Paris at age 19, where
01:29 she and her best friend were supposed to meet some French boys at the base of the Eiffel
01:32 Tower. But the meeting didn't exactly go as planned. Travel has a way of making the world
01:43 personal. As you listen to first person recollections of life changing trips, we hope you'll be
01:49 inspired to begin planning these experiences for yourself. Wherever you seek adventure
01:54 and connection, the Marriott Bomboy Boundless Card can help you get there. Expand your world.
02:01 Go boundless. Learn more at MarriottBoundlessCard.com. So my trip to Paris doesn't start in Paris.
02:13 I met one of my best friends, Cynthia, in Miami in college, and we became fast friends.
02:19 We were both in a TV production class where we were the only two girls in a sea of boys.
02:24 And all those boys wore a lot of black t-shirts and just wanted to be like the next Spielberg.
02:28 Boring, basic. And Cynthia and I, we just wanted to produce fun content and be cute
02:34 and popular. And so right away, I was like, wow, we're going to be good friends. P.S.
02:40 We're still friends to this day, by the way. We both had jobs while we were going to school.
02:45 I worked at the mall in retail and she worked at a bank. It's very important to have friends
02:49 in your life that are good at math and have all the red lollipops. So when Cynthia and
02:53 I got our first income tax check, we were like, we should take a trip. And we went to
02:58 Cancun. That's right, honey. We spent our whole check and stayed at one hotel that was
03:03 all inclusive. And I'm just like, we have these pink bracelets and we get to eat eggs
03:07 and drink tequila. This is how real women do stuff. We were 19, but I'm like, this is
03:14 how I want to do things all the time. So we decided, you know what? We're going to take
03:17 trips. We're going to be those. We're going to see the world. We're going to wear the
03:21 same cool pair of Levi's button down jeans and go to all the little vintage shops and
03:26 buy shirts that smell like 1967 and rent a bike and just do our thing. That's right.
03:33 We look like two little Lisa Bonet's and Lenny Kravitz. I was Lenny Kravitz because I have
03:38 the broader shoulders. Our next trip, we went to Spain. And you know what? That was an interesting
03:44 trip for me because I didn't really feel connected to the people in Spain. They sort of looked
03:50 at me like, what in the Washington Heights is going on? Truly, I'd walk down the street
03:55 and people's faces looked at me and I could see their faces thinking like, what is this
04:00 big titty Puerto Rican American that doesn't even speak Spanish doing here? I mean, yes,
04:05 I have big titties. No, I'm not Puerto Rican. Yes, I do look Puerto Rican because I'm light
04:11 skinned. Why? Because of colonialism. What? Is that too soon? Sorry, Spain. Okay, look,
04:16 I should have learned some Spanish, some basic Spanish before I went there, but they don't
04:20 even really speak Spanish. They speak Catalan, right? So it wouldn't even matter. Okay, it
04:25 would matter because I do love orange juice and Naranja is really hard to stay when you're
04:30 hungover. But Cynthia speaks fluent Spanish, so it was really fun to be with her. Did I
04:35 mention that she had the red lollipops? And I will say, Cynthia and I felt very exotic.
04:41 I mean, we would get every nationality except for the ones that we actually are, but we
04:45 just went with it. And we were just hooking up with boys left and right, writing poetry,
04:51 going to parks, kicking balls, playing flutes, doing all this stuff, having mate tea out
04:57 of like a weird teeny tiny coconut with a metal straw that tastes like tuberculosis.
05:01 How do they drink that stuff? Finally, we were cute and popular. One night we met these
05:10 French guys in Spain. You know, they're cool and laid back and dirty, but not too dirty.
05:15 You know, just a dollop of dirty, a dollop of dirty, you know? Like they definitely haven't
05:20 washed your jeans in a while, but you know, they look like they definitely had a home
05:23 with a bed that had sheets on it. My guy, Pierre, was taller and had dark hair and he
05:30 sort of looked like Joaquin Phoenix and Leo DiCaprio had a baby, but also an Indian mom.
05:35 I don't know. Is that what gypsies look like? I can't describe it any other way because
05:39 he also had like these piercing green eyes and very olive skin. He kind of looked like
05:44 that chick on the cover of National Geographic. You get it. I want to say his name was Pierre.
05:50 I can't really remember. I want to say Cynthia's dude was ATN. Again, did I just watch the
05:55 beach? I did. It's a nice French name. What can I say? But back to Pierre. He was so skinny.
06:02 He looked like he was cold all the time and my body was a Tempur-Pedic mattress he was
06:06 ready to lay on. He had a very big Adam's apple, but I didn't even know that because
06:11 he had a scarf around it all the time. And I remember when he took that scarf off and
06:15 I saw that Adam's apple, I said, "Oh, I feel tempted. This is some First Testament
06:20 s***. Is my name Eve?" And I just remember looking up and seeing his Adam's apple and
06:25 every time he swallowed it moved. I was like, "This is so adults."
06:32 Pierre and ATN became our vacation boyfriends that week. We'd hold hands and ride bikes
06:38 and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ear and Pierre definitely needed to clean
06:42 his ears. When we were getting ready to leave, we realized that we were going to miss each
06:47 other. We're like, "We have to see each other again. This could be true love." And this
06:53 was before MySpace and Facebook. So truly the only way to stay in touch with someone
06:58 was by writing a letter and then strapping that letter to a pigeon or a three-eyed raven.
07:03 Those were your choices. And so when Cynthia and I came back from Spain, we just looked
07:09 at each other and we're like, "Are those our French boyfriends? Are we going to have
07:13 French citizenship? Are we going to move to Paris and figure out how to make bread and
07:18 just ride the Metro with a little baguette under our arms? Who are we going to be? Am
07:23 I going to be the big titty Amelie? Maybe."
07:27 During that semester, we couldn't stop thinking about them. And mind you, I can't even really
07:32 remember their names right now. I'm sure it's Pierre and ATN. Why wouldn't it be? But I
07:37 realize now you always have a vacation version of yourself when you meet someone, you know?
07:43 But I didn't know that back then. I really thought these guys were our Prince Charming.
07:47 You know, they would always get the next round and, oh my God, just again whisper these French
07:52 nothings in my ear. And they were probably saying, like, "I just ordered a beer. I have
07:56 to go to the bathroom." I don't know what they were saying. All I know is that it sounded
08:00 very good.
08:01 And so Cynthia and I became pen pals with Pierre and ATN. Cynthia and I actually wrote
08:08 them in French. We would try to figure out what to say together. And I mean, imagine
08:13 crafting a whole letter to somebody that you've met for like five days in another country.
08:17 It was really hard work. And then Cynthia and I would walk that letter to the post office,
08:22 wait in line to buy stamps, because there's no machine to buy stamps from. I mean, this
08:27 was an old school kind of love. This was our Bronx tale.
08:32 Pierre and ATN would write us back, and they always said the perfect things. You know,
08:36 if we missed them, they missed us more. If we were thinking about them, they were thinking
08:40 about us all the time. And then finally, Pierre, whatever his name was, was like, "Do you
08:47 and Cynthia want to come see us? We have to see each other again. My heart can't go on."
08:54 I was like, "What in the Titanic is going on?" And I looked at Cynthia, I'm like, "We
08:59 have no money. How are we going to get to Paris? What should we do?" And then she looked
09:04 at me and she's like, "Oh, we got to get money."
09:08 So like I said, Cynthia and I were going to school for TV production, and a lot of people
09:12 would check cameras out and other equipment to shoot stuff for homework. But we would
09:16 take our cameras out and shoot little videos for little Argentinian bands or Haitian rappers
09:21 in South Beach. And we would put together a video and present it as homework, but also
09:26 sell the video. So we made money. We had our own little low-budget production company called
09:31 DailyOwn Productions. That's right, honey. We found the money to go to Paris. We were
09:37 like Jennifer Lopez and the Hustler, but without the six pack and the pole.
09:43 So now that we have the money, we have to buy a ticket to go to Paris. And mind you,
09:47 Paris was way more expensive than Spain for whatever reason. And I knew early on that
09:52 I could not do a connecting flight. I cannot be traveling for 27 hours, okay? Because I'm
09:58 going to be like James Franco in that movie and cut my arm off and start eating it. So
10:02 I went to a travel company, like a whole actual place that has paper tickets and brochures.
10:07 I know this sounds like 1972, but just go with me because I age well. And I talked to
10:12 a travel agent, I think her name was Esther, for way too long. She was so sweet and she
10:17 had all these little white dogs that would sit on her lap. Esther explained to me that
10:21 I could get a flight on Air India to Paris for like two or 300 bucks. Because what they
10:26 do is they stop to fuel the plane in Paris and then keep it going to, I don't know, somewhere
10:31 in India. Keep up. And I was like, you know what, Esther? I'm going to do it.
10:46 Feeling inspired to hit the road yet? Let Afar Travel Tales, presented by the Marriott
10:51 Bonvoy Boundless card by Chase, inspire you to expand your world. Whether you plan to
10:57 follow in the footsteps of one of our contributors or set out for a personal dream destination,
11:02 we know you'll find powerful experiences, fresh perspectives, and deeper connections
11:08 wherever you may roam. We hope these stories awaken your spirit of adventure and that you'll
11:13 set out to create your own travel tales worth sharing. Empower yourself for the journey
11:18 ahead with the Marriott Bonvoy Boundless card. Expand your world. Go boundless. Learn more
11:25 at MarriottBoundlessCard.com.
11:27 Finally, it's our big day to Paris and we board Air India. And how can I describe Air
11:44 India? It wasn't exactly like Slumdog Millionaire, but it wasn't exactly not like it either.
11:51 I had a feeling that Cynthia and I were the only ones actually going somewhere and everyone
11:56 else was just going home, you know, which was cool, man. I'm cool. Everybody was beautiful.
12:03 The colors were popping. I mean, everyone was from like South, Southeast India, I believe.
12:09 I don't know. I asked. There were a lot of fun spices. I think I woke up at one point
12:14 in a really cute old Indian grandmother who could have been like 29 or 99, had her feet
12:19 nestled under my thigh. But I was like, girl, no. But then it felt like good luck. So I
12:24 was like, OK, girl, yes. We got lots of food and drinks, maybe every hour, maybe every
12:30 30 minutes. I don't know. Nobody sat down for takeoff or landing. And I watched a Bollywood
12:35 movie, The Whole Flight, and it never ended. And the flight was seven hours. Confusing.
12:39 At one point, I looked at Cynthia. I was like, we're going to Paris, right? Because, you
12:43 know, the first time you go to Paris with your friend, you're thinking, oh, everyone's
12:48 going to have a beret and a striped shirt on the plane. And we're going to talk about
12:52 croissants and baguettes and going to the Louvre and the Yardin and probably taking
12:57 a s*** in a hole in the ground. You know, real Parisian stuff. But it wasn't that at
13:02 all. You know, Cynthia and I just shared our mango lassi and cheers. And it's like, well,
13:09 we're going to Paris for some dirty s***. So we land in Paris and we get to our hostel,
13:15 which now I'm realizing why they call them hostels, because you feel hostile. You know,
13:22 it looked like an episode of Orange is a New Black. I'm like, are these rooms because you're
13:27 punishing me? What is going on? We had to upgrade to have our own toilet. But mind you,
13:33 there was no sink, just a toilet. So that was fun. So Cynthia and I unpacked. We found
13:39 some Net An Ha in Paris. And we got this really long phone number on a piece of paper from
13:45 the boys. And we could not wait to call Pierre and Etienne. The phone number must have been
13:51 like 17 digits. I'm like, is this a phone number? Or are we like unlocking a vault at
13:56 a bank? Confusing. We tried to call them on a public pay phone. Wouldn't go through. We
14:02 tried another phone. Wouldn't go through. We spent our first afternoon in Paris just
14:06 going to public pay phones. I don't know if it was sad or inspiring. It felt like we were
14:12 in the amazing race, but we were getting nowhere. Finally, we asked our hostile manager who
14:18 definitely looked like she was the French version of Four Non Blondes, just dreads everywhere,
14:23 black clothes, black socks, you know, black nails. She was probably a vampire. I'm for
14:28 sure certain that she wanted to drink my blood. I said, can you please help me call Etienne
14:33 and Pierre? And she was like, cool, let's do it. And she called him and we got through.
14:39 And it was amazing. It was like we won bingo at drag bingo night. You know, the boys answered
14:46 the phone. They were so excited to hear us. We were so excited to hear them. They're like,
14:50 hello, how is the flight? How are you doing? We cannot wait to see you. And we're like,
14:56 yeah, dude, the same man. Cool. Did you know they don't have tequila in Paris, but whatever.
15:02 This red wine is really hot. We have purple lips. Let's hook up. And they said, absolutely.
15:07 We cannot wait to see you guys. We missed you so much. Meet us in front of the Eiffel
15:11 Tower tomorrow at 12 p.m. And we were like, oh, my God, the Eiffel Tower. Is this going
15:17 to be a rose ceremony? We couldn't wait. So the next day, Cynthia and I were so excited
15:23 to meet Pierre and Etienne at the Eiffel Tower. We wore our best, shortest dress we found
15:28 in the Miami mall. Red lipstick, because nothing says you like a boy than red lipstick on your
15:35 lips. No big deal. We go to the Eiffel Tower and we wait in front and just look around
15:40 nervously for about 30 minutes and then an hour and then two hours. We got a little hungry.
15:49 So we went to go get a hamburger and come back. You know, McDonald's, because that's
15:53 what you do when you're American and you're 20s in Paris. You go to McDonald's, you know.
15:57 I mean, the burgers did taste more French. We waited some more and then we got an ice
16:03 cream cone and came back. Then we went through a whole roller coaster of emotions after three
16:08 hours. And these moments were way too real. We were like, OK, they're late. That's really
16:15 rude. All right. Then we were like, wow, they're not here. Do you think they're coming? Oh,
16:20 my God. Do you think they're coming now? And then it turned into are they OK? I hope they're
16:26 OK. I hope nothing happened because something could have happened to them. And then the
16:30 sun went down and it was nighttime and we had been there all day and we just looked
16:36 at each other and we're like, I don't think they're coming at all. Like, we still think
16:40 that they're not coming. They're definitely not coming, Michelle and Cynthia. And so Cynthia
16:45 and I decided to go to a bar around the corner from the Eiffel Tower and we got really drunk
16:50 on red wine, had purple teeth and purple lips and ended up making out with some other French
16:55 dudes. And then the next day we try to call them again and they answer their phone. And
17:03 ATN and PR are just like, oh, I'm so sorry we did not come. You know, honestly, we did
17:09 not even plan on coming. We did not know that you would come to France. That's kind of weird.
17:15 You know, ATN's girlfriend is pregnant and my mother would not let me go to Paris. And
17:21 then Cynthia and I just looked at each other like, y'all got somebody knocked up. So you
17:26 live with your mom? I thought you had a roommate. The roommate's your mom? We looked at each
17:31 other like, did we just pick these dudes that are like basically the French Maury Povich
17:36 episode? I mean, they live on the outskirts of Paris, right? But I didn't know they had
17:40 to take multiple trains to get in. I mean, we just flew over an ocean and y'all can't
17:45 just make it work with like a handful of trains. Cynthia and I just had a whole come to Jesus
17:53 moment. This was our fried green tomatoes moment. This was the end of the color purple.
17:58 We looked at each other and we were like, wow, we flew across the ocean to try and meet
18:03 up with losers. We had to take that in because yeah, we did that. And it was at that time
18:11 Cynthia and I made a little pact for sure. We can't stop traveling. We're too good at
18:17 it. We're fun. We're adventurous. People want to give us free drinks. We have to keep going,
18:21 but we're going to be better at making decisions, especially when tipsy. Never again will we
18:28 make a trip to meet a boy. Okay. We don't go somewhere to meet a boy. We take a trip
18:34 and then we meet a boy. Yeah. And we also said that our husbands have to be friends
18:40 so they can go on trips with us. And you know what? Cynthia and I are both married now and
18:45 we both have two kids and our husbands are both white and the loop and they're friendly
18:50 with each other. So I guess we kind of did it. I love Paris. I do. I really do. I've
18:56 done stand up there. I visited France multiple times with my family and my husband and I
19:02 have really great memories there. But every time I take that little boat past the Eiffel
19:08 Tower, I just look at that dumb tower and I'm like, that's right. That's where I got
19:14 stood up for a skinny boy with a big Adam's apple. That was Michelle Boutteau. She hasn't
19:38 been to Paris in the past year and a half, mostly because she's busy with various shows.
19:43 She's also hosted two seasons of the Netflix game slash reality show, The Circle, and is
19:47 trying to navigate life with her nearly three year old twins. Want more Boutteau? Check
19:52 out her book, Survival of the Thickest, or follow her on social media @michelleboutteau.
20:02 Finally it's time for tiny travel tales. When we hand over the mic to our listeners, that's
20:06 you. Hear inspiring stories made possible by the Marriott Bonvoy Boundless card from
20:11 Chase and their belief in the power of travel. Now we'll hear from Louise Trotter from Halifax,
20:20 Nova Scotia.
20:23 Hello, my name is Louise Trotter and this is my tiny travel tale that led me to become
20:34 a passionate solo traveler. My decision to travel on my own on a trip to Wales wasn't
20:41 a choice to experience solo travel as it was a circumstance of my 15 year marriage ending.
20:47 The type of ending that comes as a complete surprise. And never in my life did I see that
20:52 coming type of blow your socks off, life altering ending. And I wasn't worried about the traveling
20:58 alone part, but I was worried about the feeling lonely part. I felt lonely often since my
21:04 marriage ended and wasn't sure how I would fare in those moments being lonely and alone
21:09 in another country. So I decided to plan my vacation itinerary like I'd never planned
21:14 anything before, minimizing downtime to minimize potential lonely time. On the fifth day of
21:22 my travels, my schedule was particularly ambitious and it wasn't until I was being ushered out
21:27 of Pembroke Castle because it was closing time that I realized it was late in the day.
21:32 But my schedule was not complete. And next on my itinerary, I had planned a visit to
21:37 St. Govan's Chapel. St. Govan was a sixth century hermit who established the cell for
21:43 himself on what was described as a lonely spot within the cliffs that was rebuilt as
21:49 a small chapel in the 13th century. I knew there were no formal admission times to the
21:54 chapel, but access to the site through military land was limited depending on whether or not
22:00 the firing range was open or closed. Given that access to the chapel was uncertain and
22:06 it was already the end of a long day, I felt certain in that moment that if I was traveling
22:11 with anyone else, the decision would be without a doubt to stop. But I wasn't traveling with
22:17 anyone else. This was the moment that the decision to continue or not was entirely mine.
22:23 So I promptly left the castle, navigated the driveway and arrived at the entrance way to
22:29 the road that cuts through the military land. There were signs posted explaining the flag
22:33 system indicating if there were active firing at the range that day, but it was hard to
22:38 know for sure. So I stepped on the gas and gunned it across that field at breakneck speed.
22:45 When I made it successfully to the other side of the military land, I parked in the designated
22:50 area and found the pathway that led to 52 stone steps from the top of the cliffs down
22:57 to the chapel. On the way down the steps, you can see the roof of the tiny chapel and
23:03 you arrive then at a little doorway on the north side to enter the chapel. It was humbling
23:08 to be in this space with so much history, but in order to get a true appreciation of
23:12 its location, you need to walk out of the interior, south of the chapel and onto the
23:18 ragged rocks to the edge of the cliffs. It's at that moment looking south, watching a wave
23:24 smashing up against the cliffs and the salt spray misting my face that I was in complete
23:29 awe. The view itself from the cliffs is spectacular and that alone was more than worth a visit
23:36 in sight. But then I turned around and looked behind me north to the small fissure in the
23:42 cliffs where St. Govind chose a life, alone, secluded, establishing a cell and where the
23:49 tiny chapel now stood. Standing on those cliffs between waves and a chapel, built in what
23:55 seems the most inconceivable location, I had my moment. The moment when there is a surge
24:01 of emotion about what is lost, but what could be gained and recognizing that getting to
24:07 this moment happened because of me, me alone, visiting the former home of a hermit at a
24:14 lonely spot within the cliffs. Me alone feeling intense gratitude for the gloriousness of
24:20 my life. Me alone, but not in the least bit lonely. Since then I've traveled solo to
24:28 Oman, Iran, Iceland, Ireland, Russia, and I'm on a personal journey following a young Nova
24:36 Scotian who in 1899 rode his bicycle around the world. That was listener Louise Trotter.
24:57 Up next on her solo journey, she's retracing in stages the route of a young Nova Scotian
25:02 named Carl who rode his bicycle around the world in 1899. In September, Louise will complete
25:08 part of Carl's journey in North America. To submit your tiny travel tale, visit afar.com/tinytraveltales
25:15 for details.
25:22 Ready for more travel stories? Visit us online at afar.com/traveltales and be sure to follow
25:27 us on Instagram and Twitter. We're @afarmedia. If you enjoyed today's adventure, we hope
25:33 you'll come back next week for more great stories. Subscribing makes this easy. You
25:38 can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform. And please
25:44 be sure to rate and review us. It helps other travelers find the show. This has been Travel
25:49 Tales, a production of Afar Media and Boom Integrated. Our podcast is produced by Aislinn
25:54 Green, Adrian Glover, and Robin Lai. Post-production was by John Marshall Media staff, Jen Grossman,
26:01 and Clint Rhodes. Music composition by Alan Koreshia. And a special thanks to Laura Redman,
26:07 Irene Wang, Angela Johnston, and Nina Gainsler-Debs. I'm Aislinn Green, your semi-impatient, travel-ready
26:14 host. I can't wait to hit the road again and again. As we begin to explore the world once
26:20 more, remember that travel begins the moment we walk out our front door. Everyone has a
26:25 travel tale. What's yours?
26:27 [MUSIC PLAYING]
26:30 you