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Art et designTranscription
00:00 [Musique]
00:30 [Voix off] "Now, VJ Singh with a testy 12-foot puth."
00:34 [Voix off] "Hey! Pa-da-pa-da-pa-da-pa-da-pa-da-pa-da-sawing!"
00:37 [Voix off] "Hey, my little... you know..."
00:39 [Voix off] "Mmmh..."
00:40 [Voix off] "Hey, Dad! Guess who's the star of the nursing home follies?"
00:44 [Voix off] "Quiet, Bobby! We're watching the Masters."
00:47 [Voix off] "That's a golf tournament."
00:49 [Voix off] "I know! The one with the fabulous green jackets!"
00:52 [Voix off] "Shhh!"
00:53 [Voix off] "Boy, Ken, you can cut the tension with a knife!"
00:58 [Voix off] "Froggy went a-courting and he did right, uh-huh, uh-huh."
01:02 [Voix off] "Froggy went a-courting and he did right, uh-huh, uh-huh."
01:06 [Voix off] "Froggy went a-courting and he did right, sword and pistol by his side."
01:12 [Voix off] "Froggy went a-courting and he did right, uh-huh."
01:18 [Voix off] "Thank you, Garrity and Sons Nursing Home!"
01:27 [Voix off] "Wonderful!"
01:29 [Claquement de doigts]
01:32 [Voix off] "I'm Jerry Popper. I was on the Tonight Show once."
01:35 [Voix off] "Can you spare a minute?"
01:36 [Voix off] "Can you spare a minute?" [Kid] "Can I?"
01:38 [Voix off] "Kid, I'll get right to the point."
01:41 [Voix off] "I hate living here."
01:42 [Voix off] "But watching you up on that stage, lighting the place up,"
01:47 [Voix off] "for a moment it made me forget the nurse stole my watch."
01:50 [Voix off] "You got something, kid."
01:54 [Kid] "Moxie? Gootspa? Pizzazz?"
01:56 [Voix off] "Uh, you're selling yourself short."
02:00 [Voix off] "This is Chip Block, All-American, and the original."
02:05 [Voix off] "Not one of those plastic Woolworth's copies that allowed me to retire in such comfort."
02:11 [Voix off] "Right, Chip?"
02:12 [Chip] "Hey, Slugger! Ah, that was my brother's name."
02:15 [Chip] "They made him into a baseball bat. He was from Louisville."
02:18 [Chip] "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
02:20 [Slugger] "Hey, that dummy's got good timing!"
02:22 [Chip] "Who you calling dummy, dummy?"
02:24 [Voix off] "Settle down, Chip. Chip doesn't like to be called dummy."
02:27 [Voix off] "He prefers the term 'carved figure,' crafted by masterminds of Wisconsin."
02:32 [Voix off] "Portuguese cork."
02:34 [Chip] "Portuguese cork! That's funny."
02:37 [Voix off] "Yep, but real ventriloquism is about more than telling jokes."
02:41 [Voix off] "It takes great acting, Bobby. Oscar caliber."
02:44 [Voix off] "To play two roles at once, nobody could do it today."
02:48 [Voix off] "Except maybe Meryl Streep. Streep would be a great ventriloquist."
02:52 [Voix off] "And so would you."
02:54 [Voix off] "I want you to have him."
02:57 [Chip] "I'm gonna win the talent show this year!"
03:00 [Chip] "Not that banjo-playing dork!"
03:03 [Voix off] "Whoa, whoa, kid!"
03:05 [Voix off] "You can't just put your hand inside his body!"
03:08 [Voix off] "You've gotta get inside his head!"
03:10 [Voix off] "Who is Chip Block?"
03:12 [Voix off] "I'll tell you."
03:13 [Voix off] "He's the best athlete ever to attend All-America High."
03:17 [Voix off] "Every boy wants to be his pal, every girl wants to be his gal."
03:21 [Voix off] "But I'm sorry, ladies, he's saving it for marriage."
03:25 [Chip] "An athlete, huh?"
03:27 [Chip] "I may look big, but very little of it is muscle."
03:30 [Voix off] "Chip and I know you can do it, Bobby."
03:33 [Voix off] "Please, Bobby, the show must go on."
03:38 [Chip] "You say that too? All right, I'm in. Thanks, Mr. Popper!"
03:43 [Voix off] "Promise me you'll take care of him. None of that lemon-scented crap. Linseed oil."
03:49 [Chip] "I promise!"
03:51 [Voix off] "Not you, Chip, I was talking to Bobby. Bravo, Bobby, bravo!"
03:57 [Voix off] "Hank, what is it about models that rock stars find so attractive?"
04:04 [Chip] "Fluttering butterflies, fluttering butterflies, fluttering butterflies."
04:11 [Voix off] "Fluttering butterflies? Not in this house."
04:15 [Voix off] "The fluttering butterflies gracefully filled the skies in Pacific Grove."
04:20 [Voix off] "The fluttering butterflies gracefully filled the..."
04:23 [Voix off] "This is Chip Block. We're practicing our labials."
04:28 [Chip] "New rule, lights out by 8.30."
04:32 [Chip] "Another."
04:37 [Voix off] "Don't you think you've had enough?"
04:39 [Chip] "Another."
04:40 [Voix off] "Yes, sir."
04:42 [Voix off] "My son is playing with dolls. There, I said it."
04:46 [Chip] "He's a sissy. There, I said that."
04:49 [Voix off] "Sammy Sosa, Sammy Sosa."
04:54 [Voix off] "That's a ventriloquist, dummy. The way people were talking, I thought you were playing with a Barbie doll."
05:00 [Voix off] "Mom, meet Chip Block, all-American. Chip, this is my mom."
05:06 [Chip] "I didn't know you had a sister."
05:09 [Voix off] "Thank you. Pleased to meet you, Chip."
05:13 [Chip] "Yeah, that's really all the material we have."
05:20 [Chip] "The problem is, Chip likes the sports pages, but I'm more of an arts and leisure guy."
05:26 [Chip] "I don't even know how to read a box score."
05:29 [Voix off] "Well, then a league-leading soccer player, Chip Block, will be your teacher."
05:34 [Voix off] "Well, then a league-leading softball pitcher will be the one to teach you. Let me just get a sports page."
05:40 [Voix off] "Okay, now, ERA, as you see here, is my earned run average, which is very, very good."
05:48 [Chip] "What does HBP mean?"
05:51 [Voix off] "Hit by pitch. She was crowding the plate."
05:54 [Chip] "Hank said I could get some cereal."
05:57 [Voix off] "Oh, I'll never forget this. In this game, I had a no-hitter."
06:02 [Voix off] "This is a test between HBP and HBP. Actually, there is. Much less jealous score would have been them."
06:09 [Chip] "Aaaah!"
06:12 [Danny McClain] "Who was the last pitcher to win 30 games?"
06:18 [Danny McClain] "Danny McClain, Detroit Tigers, 1968."
06:22 [Danny McClain] "That's day one stuff, Chip. Give me a hard one."
06:25 [Danny McClain] "Okay, wise guy, how many years did he get for pension fraud?"
06:30 [Danny McClain] "Oh, you got me. Unless it was eight."
06:34 [Danny McClain] "You're the man!"
06:36 [Announcer] "And the ball is going, going, it's fouled! Foul ball!"
06:42 [Bobby] "Uh, Bobby, maybe you and your action figure want to go clean your room."
06:48 [Danny McClain] "Could you please blow your smoke the other way, Mr. Gribble? I'm training for the varsity squad."
06:56 [Danny McClain] "I'm a big fan of Dale."
06:58 [Bobby] "What's with Dale?"
06:59 [Danny McClain] "He's like an L.A. fan, leaving in the seventh inning."
07:04 [Bobby] "Boy, this new manager sure is methodical."
07:07 [Danny McClain] "Yeah, people criticize him for playing little ball, but I say a W is a W anyway."
07:14 [Bobby] "Yeah, but he's not a W. He's a W."
07:17 [Danny McClain] "Oh, yeah, I know. He's a W."
07:20 [Bobby] "People criticize him for playing little ball, but I say a W is a W anyway, you get it."
07:27 [Danny McClain] "Oh, come on, my grandmother hits like that. God, I hate infield singles."
07:34 [Bobby] "It put your tying run on first, Mr. Hill. Gotta like that."
07:39 [Danny McClain] "Yeah, hey, that's true, Bobby, and, uh..."
07:43 [Bobby] "Chip! Chip Block! Nice to meet you, Mr. Hill!"
07:48 [Bobby] "How do you do that, Bobby?"
07:50 [Bobby] "He's using show business."
07:52 [Bobby] "Palmero's gonna be looking for a fastball."
07:55 [Bobby] "All right!"
07:58 [Bobby] "Yeah, good down, Palmero, man, good."
08:01 [Bobby] "Hey, you called it, Chip."
08:04 [Bobby] "Chip's a genius."
08:05 [Bobby] "Bobby, Chip, you get Dale's spot. Bill?"
08:08 [Bobby] "I couldn't handle the pressure anyway."
08:12 [Bobby] "Could be, could be, it is! Round's ripper, he's gonna tag all the bags!"
08:19 [Bobby] "All right!"
08:21 [Bobby] "I love this guy!"
08:23 [Bobby] "Enjoy your last few breaths, dummy."
08:33 [Bobby laughs]
08:35 [Bobby] "You're looking lovely this morning as usual, Mrs. Hill."
08:48 [Mrs. Hill laughs]
08:49 [Mrs. Hill] "Well, thank you."
08:51 [Bobby] "I'll have cinnamon rolls, pancakes, 7-Up, bacon."
08:55 [Bobby] "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Bobby, if you're gonna bulk up, do it right."
09:00 [Bobby] "You want 5 raw eggs and a glass."
09:03 [Bobby] "Raw eggs? Haven't you heard of salmonella?"
09:07 [Bobby] "Relax, kid, if I wanted to kill you, I'd challenge you to a push-up contest!"
09:12 [Mr. Hill laughs]
09:14 [Mr. Hill] "Yeah."
09:15 [Bobby] "Eggs it is."
09:17 [Bobby] "Mr. Hill, could you pass the sports section, please?"
09:21 [Mr. Hill] "Sure. You gonna make fun of tennis there, Chip?"
09:24 [Bobby] "Oh, I think tennis does a pretty good job of making fun of itself."
09:29 [Mr. Hill laughs] "Ain't that the truth!"
09:32 [Bubbling]
09:37 [Bubbling]
09:42 [Children singing]
09:49 [Children laughing]
09:53 [Mr. Hill] "Now let's see what Daddy got for you. Uh, get Dale his gift."
09:59 [Mr. Hill] "Happy birthday, squirt!"
10:02 [Mr. Hill screams]
10:05 [Mr. Hill laughs]
10:09 [Mr. Hill screams]
10:13 [Mr. Hill laughs]
10:16 [Mrs. Hill] "Dude, are you alright?"
10:17 [Mr. Hill] "Fine!"
10:19 [Mr. Hill] "Shish-shah!"
10:24 [Gunshot]
10:26 [Gurgling]
10:28 [Gunshots]
10:31 [Gunshots]
10:40 [Mr. Hill gasps]
10:42 [Mr. Hill] "Octavio! I want you to do the exact same thing I just did to this picture to this guy in person!"
10:52 [Mr. Hill] "Except do it right here."
10:54 [Mr. Hill] "Okay, I'm gonna need $20 now, and $20 when it is done. And another $20 for expenses."
11:01 [Gurgling]
11:05 [Mr. Hill] "Well, tea time is in two hours and eight minutes."
11:09 [Mr. Hill] "So in other words, you're going to be leaving the house."
11:12 [Mr. Hill] "Yes, Dale, we're all going golfing, remember?"
11:15 [Mr. Hill] "Well, I can't go. I got plans. Yeah, plans. I mean, nothing!"
11:23 [Mr. Hill] "Hello, Mr. Gribble! Nice to see you! Nice to see you again!"
11:29 [Mr. Gribble screams]
11:34 [Mr. Hill] "Hey, uh, we got a spot open today for golfing. How'd you like to join our foursome?"
11:40 [Mr. Hill] "Uh, no thanks, Mr. Hill. I'm gonna hang out here today. Maybe, uh, run some wind sprints."
11:47 [Mr. Hill] "Oh, come on, Chip. I'll let you drive the cart. Maybe even fix you up with my three wood."
11:53 [Mr. Hill laughs]
11:55 [Mr. Hill] "Bobby, Chip, let's go!"
12:00 [Mr. Hill] "11.15 a.m. The man and the boy and the puppy leave the house."
12:16 [Mr. Hill] "11.16. Octavio speaks into tape recorder."
12:20 [Mr. Hill] "Thus leaving crucial evidence, stupid idiot! Octavio must be gotten rid of."
12:28 [Mr. Hill] "Dear Octavio, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write."
12:40 [Mr. Hill hums]
12:45 [Mr. Hill] "Silence on the tape! Keep your left arm straight!"
12:50 [Mr. Hill] "Mm-hmm."
12:52 [Mr. Hill] "Yes!"
12:58 [Mr. Hill] "Uh, actually, Bobby told me about that one."
13:02 [Mr. Hill] "Oh, Chip, you modest son of a gun. What'll you have, Chip? A can of Thompson's Water Seal?"
13:09 [Mr. Hill laughs]
13:14 [Mr. Hill hums]
13:17 [Mr. Hill] "Heeeeelp!"
13:19 [Mr. Hill hums]
13:23 [Mr. Hill laughs]
13:26 [Mr. Hill] "Can I help you?"
13:28 [Mr. Hill] "Yes, I would like to purchase some chloroform, a roll of duct tape, and this gagging bandana."
13:35 [Mr. Hill] "Ugh, dang. Looks like a penalty stroke."
13:41 [Mr. Hill] "Oh, no, sir! That's a temporary water hazard. Free drop, no nearer to the hole, no penalty!"
13:48 [Mr. Hill] "Oh, well, all right. How'd you learn so much about golf?"
13:52 [Mr. Hill] "I've seen Happy Gilmore 50 times!"
13:55 [Mr. Hill] "I hate Adam Sandler."
13:57 [Mr. Hill sighs]
13:59 [Mr. Hill] "Yeah, he's all poopoo jokes. You don't have to work blue to be funny."
14:04 [Mr. Hill] "Amen to that."
14:06 [Bobby] "Dad, I'm starting to get a ventriloquist tan."
14:11 [Mr. Hill] "No one likes a whiner, Bobby. Right, Chip?"
14:15 [Bobby] "Right."
14:19 [Bobby] "Mr. Popper?"
14:35 [Mr. Popper] "What?"
14:37 [Mr. Popper] "Oh, it's you, kid. I thought it was that thieving nurse coming back for the other cufflink."
14:42 [Mr. Popper] "I hope I'm not disturbing you, sir."
14:44 [Mr. Popper] "He was disturbed before you got here."
14:48 [Mr. Popper] "Oh, sorry. Old habits."
14:51 [Mr. Popper] "So, how is that crazy wooden bastard?"
14:54 [Mr. Popper] "Oh, great, great. Everybody loves Chip. It's just..."
14:59 [Mr. Popper] "Well, when you and Chip were partners, did you ever get the feeling that the audience liked him better than you?"
15:06 [Mr. Popper] "Of course, Chip was the star. And he got paid better, too."
15:12 [Mr. Popper] "That's a joke from my act."
15:15 [Bobby] "That didn't make you crazy?"
15:17 [Mr. Popper] "Of course it did. I wanted to be known for more than just Chip Block."
15:21 [Mr. Popper] "At one point, I even shelved him and hit the road solo."
15:24 [Mr. Popper] "I did sound effects. I was the first guy to do windshield wipers."
15:28 [Mr. Popper] "I was the first guy to do windshield wipers."
15:35 [Mr. Popper] "A few weeks later, the audience stopped coming."
15:38 [Mr. Popper] "After my second cry for help, I decided it was better to be on the edge of the spotlight than not be there at all."
15:44 [Mr. Popper] "Yeah, I hear ya."
15:46 [Mr. Popper] "Well, it's almost four o'clock. I'll let you get ready for dinner."
15:50 [Mr. Popper] "Do me a favor, will ya?"
15:52 [Mr. Popper] "Tell the nurse you couldn't find me."
15:57 [Mr. Popper] "I'm gonna get that thieving slut."
16:00 [Mr. Popper] "Hey Bobby, I'm heading over to the hardware store and I bet the guys there would get a kick out of Chip's Jimmy Johnson varnishing his hair routine."
16:09 [Bobby] "The show must go on."
16:12 [Bobby] "Dad! Dad! Chip is gone!"
16:22 [Mr. Popper] "Is this part of your new act? I don't get it."
16:26 [Bobby] "I don't know where he is, but there were signs of a struggle."
16:29 [Mr. Popper] "Think. Now retrace your steps."
16:32 [Bobby] "Chip!"
16:34 [Mr. Popper] "Noooooo!"
16:37 [Bobby] "Heheheheh."
16:42 [Mr. Popper] "Steel, are you nuts?"
16:46 [Steel] "You'll never put that creep back together. I mixed him in with two chairs and a toboggan. Ha ha ha!"
16:55 [Mr. Popper] "You're next. I'm kicking your ass through that thing."
16:58 [Steel] "You wouldn't hit an unconscious man."
17:03 [Mr. Popper] "I think I'm gonna be sick."
17:09 [Bobby] "You know what? Maybe this is all for the best."
17:14 [Mr. Popper] "Huh. Maybe you're right. What do we really need Chip for anyway?"
17:20 [Bobby] "Now you're talking, Dad."
17:22 [Mr. Popper] "Yep. Think about it. If we build a new Chip, we could make him perfect.
17:27 Don't get me wrong, Chip was great, but his neck wasn't really thick enough to play football, at least not competitively.
17:34 And if his ears didn't stick out so much, he could wear a helmet.
17:38 I'll be at my workbench, cobbling together something I can be proud of."
17:50 [Mr. Popper] "Hey, Bobby, catch!"
17:52 [Mr. Popper] "Well, the spring-loaded arm needs a little tightening, but the new Chip will finally be able to throw a football."
17:59 [Bobby] "You know, Dad, I could just use my sock and a magic marker."
18:03 [Mr. Popper] "A sock never had an arm like this, or legs that could scramble like Roger the Dodger Stob-Axe.
18:09 And I bet that sock doesn't have Troy Aikman's jawline."
18:13 [Bobby] "Okay."
18:15 [Mr. Popper] "It'll be fun, Bobby. It's kind of like I'm building you a big brother."
18:19 [Bobby] "Heh, heh, yeah."
18:22 [Mr. Popper] "Okay, let's see here.
18:26 Heh, heh, sorry, Bobby, but I can't tighten that arm."
18:32 [Bobby] "Hey, Dad, this Yahoo thinks the Rangers are philosophically a national league team.
18:45 Ha! Yahoo!"
18:47 [Mr. Popper] "That's fine. Hey, Peggy, what gets out 32-year-old blood? Club soda, right?"
18:54 [Peggy] "Well, I'm gonna go watch the Rangers philosophically kick the Yankees' butts."
18:59 [Mrs. Popper] "I'll watch the game. Anybody else in?"
19:02 [Mr. Popper] "Not me. I've gotta spiff up my old Pop Warner jersey for chip number two."
19:15 [Bobby] "Hey, Peggy, you know that hair we always find in the drain? You don't just throw that out, do you?
19:20 Wait a minute, Bill! He has bags of hair at his house!"
19:23 [Mrs. Popper] "Hank, your son is outside throwing a football in the air and trying his damnedest to catch it.
19:30 Maybe he'd get a few less bruises if you spent some time with him."
19:34 [Bobby] "That's why I'm trying to finish the new chip ASAP, so we can start spending more time with Bobby again."
19:41 [Mrs. Popper] "Well, all right then. I will let you play with your doll.
19:45 Oh, and you know, if there's any lumber left over, you might want to use it to build the wife you've always wanted to."
19:51 [Bobby] "And Starback goes back to throw. He's in the pocket!"
19:57 [Bobby] "Oh! Ow! Oh! Oh!"
20:01 [Bobby sighs]
20:05 [Mrs. Popper] "Hmm."
20:10 [Bobby sighs]
20:12 [musique]
20:15 [Chip] "Hey, Dad. I got Mr. Dautreve's old Pop Warner jersey. You know, for the act.
20:21 Me and Chip 2. I mean, Chip 2 and me. You gotta give the star top billing."
20:27 [Bobby] "Yeah, but I think in this case, you'll agree, both stars deserve top billing."
20:34 [Chip] "It looks just like me. It's even got my hair cut."
20:39 [Bobby] "Yeah, I've still got a few more holes to drill along the scalp. You know, to even out the hairline."
20:46 [Chip] "Hey! These are my short pants from when I was three!"
20:50 [Bobby] "Yeah, I found them in my rag bag."
20:52 [Chip] "I don't know, Dad. Short pants don't really belong on a football field."
20:58 [Bobby] "That's okay. You don't either."
21:00 [Chip] "Hey, isn't Iron Chef on?"
21:05 [Chip] "Yeah, let's go watch Iron Chef!"
21:07 [Bobby] "Uh, you know, the Rangers are playing the Yankees right now."
21:11 [Chip] "Iron Chef! Iron Chef! Iron Chef! Iron Chef!"
21:15 [Chip] "Sorry, Dad. It's two against one."
21:18 [Bobby] "Yeah, I guess you're right."
21:20 [Chip] "Froggy won a court and he did right, uh-huh. Uh-huh! Froggy won a court and he did right, uh-huh. Uh-huh!"
21:28 [Bobby] "Uh, look, Peggy. Look at me with my two sons. Heh. Uh."
21:35 [Chip] "Uh."
21:37 [Bobby] "Froggy won a court and he did right, Jordan is still by his side. Froggy won a court and he did right, uh-huh!"
21:47 [Octavio] "Dear Octavio, it has come to my attention that a man claiming to be Dale Gribble recently fired you."
22:04 [Octavio] "Perimeter breach."
22:06 [Bobby] "Perimeter breach?"
22:08 [Bobby screams]
22:12 [Bobby cries]
22:15 [Bobby] "You'll never catch Dale Gribble."
22:19 [Octavio] "You're right, Bobby. Ventriloquism is fun."
22:24 [Bobby cries]
22:27 *musique*