Category
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Art et designTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:28 [Music]
00:36 Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?
00:40 Hank, we were all out of your sports drinks, so I blended some lemonade with a few of Bobby's chewable vitamins.
00:45 If you want, we can call it Lemonatorade.
00:48 I gotta say, we walk through this neighborhood all the time, and you have the most beautifully maintained house.
00:56 What's your secret to keeping the grass so green?
00:58 Oh, it's simple, really.
01:00 We water it.
01:03 Uh, actually, it's not that simple.
01:06 Every three weeks, I put down a 28-3-3 mix of fertilizer and weed control.
01:11 Oh.
01:12 Well, it's not just the lawn. It's all the attention to detail, like the way the brass door knocker sets off the color of the trim.
01:18 Oh, right. And it matches the hinges perfectly. Did it come as a set?
01:22 Well, I'm not sure.
01:26 Interesting story about the screws in those hinges.
01:29 Hey, you want to see something really great?
01:32 Just look at these drapes and tell me they're not real velvet, huh?
01:36 Interesting story, huh? I bought these the day John Lennon was shot.
01:47 What was I thinking? Dragging those people off the street, they probably thought I was nuts.
01:53 Yeah, I was a little confused myself.
01:56 I guess it just hit me. I have nothing to do with our house's curb appeal.
02:01 Hank, from now on, I am becoming more involved in the front yard.
02:05 Maybe plant some exotic flowers. Something that says "Peggy Hill lives here."
02:11 The front yard, huh? I tell you what, how about we repaint the kitchen?
02:15 You can pick out any shade of white you want. Eggshell, ivory, Swiss coffee, sky's the limit.
02:22 The front yard is the statement a home makes to the rest of the world.
02:26 Right now, it's your statement. It should be our statement.
02:30 Well, I guess we could try a few flowers under the windows, but nothing that climbs.
02:36 Yep. Yep. What the?
02:42 How do you like Joseph's new mini-bike? He won it off me in a poker game.
02:46 You know that bike's not street legal.
02:48 All right. Joseph, get off the street!
02:51 No, not on the lawns!
02:54 Boy, Hank, you sure got a lot of arbitrary rules.
02:57 That's a lot of dang old flowers, man. Talkin' about an old Algernon, man.
03:03 Talkin' about an old Cliff Robertson, I tell you what, man. Got that on five cents a minute, man.
03:08 Yeah, Peggy's fixin' up the front yard a bit.
03:11 Gee, Hank, if your wife wants to screw somethin' up, why can't she just stick to Bobby?
03:15 It'll be fine. Plants have little tags with instructions on 'em.
03:20 Please don't ruin my yard.
03:23 Congratulations, Bill. You no longer have the worst yard in Arlen.
03:32 Peggy's traveling circus of death has seen to that.
03:35 Yeah, man. She's got that dang old Grim Reaper, man. Talkin' about an old sunflower.
03:40 And then a Petunia's. And old daisies, too, man.
03:43 Help me!
03:45 She's tryin' so hard.
03:48 Joseph, that is not a toy!
03:52 Hey, you put a dent in it.
03:56 Sorry, Dad. I sorta crashed into a telephone pole.
04:00 I don't care what you...
04:02 Oh, I can't stay mad at you.
04:05 Bet you can't steer that thing with your feet.
04:08 So, uh, Peggy, maybe it's time to pull up some of those dead plants.
04:13 They're not dead. They just need some more sunlight.
04:16 There's no damn sun!
04:19 Well, maybe if you...
04:21 No one asked for your opinion, okay?
04:23 Okay, I'm sorry. I just really wanna do this on my own.
04:28 Listen to your husband, Peggy Hill.
04:30 If there's one thing that brillo-haired hillbilly can do, it's farm.
04:34 [laughs]
04:36 Angel of death meet old MacDonald.
04:39 E-I-E-I...
04:41 [screams]
04:43 I tried perennials. I tried annuals. I tried succulents.
04:47 Well, you just gotta keep tryin' until you find the right thing.
04:51 And when you finally do, you'll know it.
04:53 Thank you, Hank.
04:54 She just touched your arm. Quick, amputate!
04:57 [laughs]
04:59 Excuse me.
05:06 Do you know of a plant that can withstand overwatering, inadequate fertilization,
05:11 and perhaps some overzealous pruning?
05:14 Yeah, they're called weeds.
05:16 Great. Give me a tray of...
05:18 You know, hotshot, you may think you have the world by the tail right now,
05:23 but you're making five dollars an hour with that ridiculous red vest and you--
05:27 Just give us a flat of impatience.
05:29 I'm not done with you, pimples!
05:32 Impatience. Everyone has impatience.
05:37 How is that gonna wow the pants off anyone?
05:40 Ooh! An estate sale! Pull over!
05:43 Dead people have tons of clothes that they don't want anymore.
05:46 Fine, but make it fast. If these turds die in the car, I'll set a new record.
05:52 [indistinct chatter]
05:55 Oh, what beautiful morning glories.
05:59 Thank you. So you're a gardener?
06:02 I'm beginning to think... no.
06:04 Oh, my God, I love that! What's that called?
06:09 Oh, that's Winklebottom. Kind of a rarity in these parts.
06:13 Came all the way from Germany.
06:15 Boy, that's exactly what I need in my front yard.
06:18 Would you consider selling?
06:21 [music]
06:23 Come on! Let's get this in the ground before Hank gets home.
06:28 Peggy Hill has found her calling card.
06:31 [car horn honks]
06:34 Idiot.
06:36 [music]
06:42 [laughs]
06:46 [engine revs]
06:48 [music]
06:50 So, what do you think?
06:52 I think... I think it's an elf.
06:56 Actually, the term is "garden gnome." His name is Winklebottom.
07:00 Don't you just love how your eye goes right to him?
07:03 Yeah, I didn't even notice the house.
07:05 I cannot tell you what a relief this is.
07:07 I was getting so frustrated with everything dying on me.
07:11 I don't know, Peggy. Do you really think this is... this thing is for us?
07:17 It was just like you said. I saw it, and I immediately knew. Just like you said.
07:22 Uh... yeah.
07:25 We have a garden gnome.
07:27 Oh, boy.
07:29 I shall call him Vandor.
07:31 You will call him Winklebottom like everyone else.
07:34 Now let's go get an old toothbrush. I want to clean the spider eggs from his ears.
07:43 So, is that a ceramic gnome, or did Peggy kill a real gnome and take it to a taxidermist?
07:49 Gosh, Hank, what will people think when they see that thing out here?
07:53 God willing, they'll think Peggy's a widow.
07:56 Hey, how do we know you didn't buy the gnome yourself and are just pretending not to like the gnome so that your friends don't make fun of you?
08:04 Hank likes the gnome. Hank likes the gnome.
08:08 I do not like the gnome, Bill.
08:10 Hanky and gnomey, sitting in a tree.
08:13 That's it. I'm kicking your ass.
08:15 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
08:17 Good morning, Hank.
08:28 Good morning, Mailman Thompson.
08:30 Hank, were you trying to keep that mailman from seeing our gnome?
08:39 No. No, of course not.
08:41 Oh, you just did it again.
08:45 Well, it's just that people are starting to, you know, say nasty things about our house.
08:52 Like what? What are they saying?
08:54 Like yesterday I heard the FedEx guy call our house "the one with the gnome" out front.
09:00 Oh, I see what this is all about.
09:03 For years, everyone has always raved about your grass and your hinges, and now you're afraid you're being displaced.
09:11 My God, what a beautiful Winklebottom.
09:13 Yes, very good. That is Winklebottom. How did you know?
09:17 Are you kidding? I'd recognize one anywhere.
09:20 That darling bulbous nose, those adorable hairy knuckles.
09:24 This is a 1932 original, handmade by Klaus Ziegenleff himself.
09:29 Really? You hear that, Hank?
09:31 I heard it.
09:32 I am just so envious.
09:34 But do you mind if I offer up a little tip?
09:37 Your Winklebottom is facing southeast. Technically, he should face north.
09:41 Wonderful. Why?
09:43 Well, that's where they're more apt to find tree moss, which is how they make their delicious gnome tea.
09:48 That is so charming.
09:50 No, it's not.
09:52 Oh, there's so much lore for you to discover.
09:54 You're going to lose yourself for hours in all the chat rooms and message boards.
09:58 Hey, are you into Babylon 5?
10:00 No. Should I be?
10:02 Oh, garden gnome fact number 28.
10:10 At night, garden gnomes are quite lively, but they turn to stone the second daylight hits them.
10:16 I love it.
10:18 Hey, maybe tonight we should leave out a snack plate for old Winklebottom.
10:22 Perhaps a fruit pie?
10:24 No, Bobby.
10:25 Winklebottom would like mushrooms and dandelions and a thimble full of peppermint schnapps.
10:31 Look, Mom. They have a whole section called "Gnomenclature."
10:35 Thank you, President Winklebottom.
10:39 I would love to join you for tea in the Rose Garden.
10:41 We got a shooter! I'll take the bullet!
10:43 Dad, I need your help!
10:52 I broke Winklebottom.
10:54 Oh, boy.
10:55 It was an accident, I swear. Please, tell me you can fix it!
10:59 All right, let's take a look.
11:01 Uh, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. Sorry, Bobby.
11:23 But, but Mom loved that gnome! She's gonna kill me!
11:27 Bobby, calm down.
11:29 How do you expect me to calm down? You can't fix it!
11:32 Yeah, but maybe it's for the best. Your mother had grown way too attached to that gnome.
11:37 Better that something happened to it now before she got even more attached to it.
11:42 Don't worry, Bobby. I'll take care of everything.
11:44 Oh, thanks, Dad.
11:47 Uh, don't sweat it. That's what being a father is all about.
11:52 Okay, we're gonna dump him in one of these cans.
11:55 And if he doesn't fit, just whack him a few times with this fire extinguisher.
12:00 So Mom's really gonna think someone stole it?
12:03 Uh-huh. There, that one.
12:05 Uh, I don't know about this house. There's a lot of lights on.
12:09 All right.
12:11 That driveway's empty. Someone could pull in at any moment.
12:16 Fine, I'll do it myself.
12:19 Is that you, Janet?
12:22 We did it, Dad! We really did it!
12:46 Not yet, we didn't.
12:48 Bobby, we are never to speak of this again.
13:00 Good morning.
13:12 So, how was miniature golf last night?
13:15 Um, okay.
13:17 We were there for 90 minutes. Dad shot a three under par and I shot four over.
13:21 Later, we stopped for ice cream.
13:23 Oh, there's my paper.
13:27 Remember, son, everything's gonna be okay.
13:34 Winklebottom! My Winklebottom!
13:37 This is just awful.
13:38 Who would do such a thing?
13:40 Hooligans.
13:42 Oh, it's just so senseless.
13:44 Oh, my God, Peggy. Hank, what happened to our Winklebottom?
13:48 Oh, I don't know, Sally. I don't know.
13:52 I'm calling the police.
13:53 The cops? Dad!
13:55 Now, hold on there. The police have more important things to do than--
13:58 Hank, honey, you're too frazzled to think straight. Aunt Sally's taking care of things now.
14:03 So, is Winklebottom his first name or his last name?
14:07 I told you, it's just Winklebottom, damn it. We're wasting time here.
14:12 I'm just trying to be thorough, ma'am.
14:14 Now, did any of you hear any strange noises last night?
14:16 No, sir. I was here all night.
14:19 No, you weren't. You were out playing miniature golf last night.
14:22 He shot three under par. I shot four over. We stopped for ice cream.
14:26 Oh, right. That course out there on Lexington. That last hole's a doozy, ain't it?
14:31 Yes.
14:33 Please, officer, tell me you'll catch the bastards who did this.
14:37 Honestly, ma'am, there's not much I can do.
14:39 Teenagers are always stealing these things and doing God knows what to them.
14:42 If we ever do find your Winklebottom, there's a good chance you're not gonna want 'em back.
14:47 No.
14:49 Hey! Fancy riding, Tex.
14:55 Green acres is the place to be. Farm living is the life for me.
15:06 Land spread...
15:09 Oh, heck.
15:11 Oh...
15:13 Come on, Peggy. It was just a garden gnome.
15:15 Yeah, and propane is just a stupid gas.
15:19 I'm sorry. I have no reason to lash out at you.
15:23 It's just that you get praised all the time about the house, but I don't.
15:27 That's why Winklebottom was a big deal for me.
15:30 Complete strangers would walk by our house and say to themselves, "That's the lady with the cool gnome."
15:36 Now I'm just the old hag who picks up dog poop with a hockey stick.
15:41 Bobby, I'm telling your mother what happened.
15:47 Your what?
15:48 I can't stand to see her like this. It's the only thing that'll give her peace.
15:52 No way! The whole time you've been giving me grief about cracking and now you're gonna crack?
15:57 Uh-uh. We had a deal, old man.
15:59 Hey, watch your mouth.
16:01 Sorry.
16:02 Look, I'll take all the heat. She won't know you had anything to do with this, but she has to know.
16:07 Uh, Peggy, I've got something difficult to tell you.
16:13 Vandals didn't take your gnome.
16:16 It was me.
16:18 What?
16:19 Well, his ear broke off, so I drove him to the Heimlich County Forest and buried him in a shallow grave.
16:26 No. No, you're lying.
16:28 I'm not, Peggy. It's the truth.
16:30 No. Even if you hated Winklebottom, there is no way you would ever do such a hurtful thing.
16:37 Oh, my God. You're covering for someone.
16:40 Peggy, I'm not--
16:41 Bobby. It's Bobby.
16:43 Me?
16:44 Of course. You were playing one of your weird little games and you broke it, didn't you?
16:49 Uh, Dad?
16:51 No, no, really. It was me. I couldn't stand the little freak, so I rolled him in a towel and smashed him to pieces for good measure.
16:57 You should have seen him, Mom. He was nuts.
17:00 How dare you try laying this on your father. You're grounded for a week, mister.
17:05 Dad!
17:06 Peggy, really, he didn't--
17:07 Don't make it any worse for him, Hank. Now you go to your room.
17:11 Dinner time. One peanut butter and jelly sandwich, no dessert.
17:22 There's pudding in my sock.
17:25 Everything will be fine. Your mother will get over this.
17:28 No, she won't. Dad, you've got to get her a new one.
17:31 But that thing was pretty rare. I wouldn't even know where to get another one.
17:35 I do. You know that German tourist town on I-35? The one with the windmills and the gingerbread houses?
17:42 Ugh. New Hoffensheim.
17:45 If they don't have a replacement for Winklebottom, then no one does.
17:48 Lights out, Bobby. I said lights out!
17:51 [Gasps]
17:54 I'll bring you back a T-shirt.
17:56 I need a gnome, and not just any gnome. I need a Winklebottom.
18:10 A Winklebottom? Why don't you just ask me to move a rainbow?
18:14 I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or just weird.
18:18 If you're lucky enough to get a hold of a Winklebottom, you better hang on for dear life.
18:23 Now, if you want something spectacular, how about one of these? Just marked it down. 80%.
18:28 Hey, what's that over there?
18:30 Oh, that's an antique Figgleforth.
18:32 True, he looks very similar to Winklebottom, but let me warn you, completely different personality.
18:39 Wrap him up and get me out of here.
18:41 Oh, a Figgleforth. Excuse me, I had him first.
18:45 Actually, you didn't.
18:46 Hey, hey, let's leave the fighting to the trolls, okay?
18:50 I really need this particular gnome.
18:52 Who doesn't? I bet this joker doesn't even know where gnomes come from,
18:56 or how they say goodnight to each other, or what it means when they shave their mustache and not their beard.
19:02 All right, you got me. I'm not a dork. I sell propane.
19:06 Truth is, I hate gnomes. I really, really hate them.
19:10 But my wife loves them, and as beautiful as my lawn and my galvanized steel rain gutters are,
19:16 they're no match for my wife's happiness.
19:19 I'd do anything to see her happy again, even if it means putting this character in my yard.
19:26 Okay, Blanche, the gnome is yours.
19:28 Ah, declined. You're maxed out.
19:34 Put it on layaway!
19:35 I'll pay cash.
19:37 Come back and see us again.
19:39 Uh, yeah, I don't think so.
19:42 I was talking to Figgleforth.
19:44 Yep, that's true north.
19:48 Here, you can give this to your mother.
19:50 It's the fully executed copy of the, uh, adoption papers.
19:55 I know how hard that must have been for you, Dad.
19:58 You want to talk about it?
19:59 Just get your mother.
20:01 Mom!
20:02 Bobby, you are supposed to be--
20:04 Oh, it's beautiful.
20:07 His name is Figgleforth.
20:10 We found him in New Hoffensheim. It was Bobby's idea.
20:13 Oh, Hank, I love it. And it is so sweet of you to give Bobby credit for this, but I know it was all you.
20:21 What?
20:22 No, Peggy, he really--
20:23 Oh, don't worry, Hank. I'm not mad at him anymore. Kids will be kids.
20:27 Tell you what, Bobby, since your dad's being so generous towards you, so can I.
20:32 I am suspending your sentence.
20:34 Thanks.
20:35 Yep, now he's out here for the whole world to see.
20:38 You know, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I even want to keep him on the lawn.
20:43 You don't?
20:44 Well, you heard that policeman. People steal these things all the time.
20:48 Maybe it's best if we keep it inside.
20:50 Yes, perfect. Oh, that makes so much sense. Inside.
20:54 [Music]