L'enfance de Titouan fut heureuse mais troublée par les fragilités psychologiques d'un père dur et alcoolique et d'une mère brisée par des troubles et des brutalités conjugales. À peine âgé de 12 ans, il a découvert le corps de sa mère inerte qui a commis l'impensable. Il se retrouve donc à vivre avec son père qu'il tente de protéger tant bien que mal de ses excès, avec l'aide de sa mamie. Souffrant de la perte de sa femme, après une énième crise de violence, le père de Titouan met lui aussi fin à ses jours, laissant derrière lui un fils orphelin. Alors comment est-ce qu'on surmonte de tels drames à seulement 13 ans ? Aujourd'hui âgé de 22 ans, Titouan est venu nous raconter comment l'amour de ses parents et les souvenirs heureux lui ont permis de se reconstruire.
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Retrouvez Titouan sur instagram : https://www.instagram.com/championdumonde/
Suivez O-Rigines le nouveau média qui s’intéresse à l’histoire des histoires.
Podcast : https://linktr.ee/origines_podcast
Youtube : https://www.youtube.com/@originesmedia
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/origines.media
Twitter : https://twitter.com/Originesmedia
TikTok : https://www.tiktok.com/@originesmedia
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 When I was 12 and 13, my parents committed suicide
00:02 at a certain point in time, and I was an orphan.
00:04 I was born at 12, so I was always super close to my mom.
00:08 We loved each other.
00:09 I had a few friends,
00:11 and I was good friends with a girl named Sarah,
00:14 and her priest.
00:15 And so their family all offered me to stay.
00:18 I sent a little message to my mom,
00:19 we were both in the streets.
00:20 I said, "Do you think I can stay and sleep at their place?"
00:21 They offered me.
00:22 She said, "No problem, my son, I love you."
00:25 But it's true that she always told me that she loved me,
00:27 but I had a little thought in my head,
00:30 "Wow, it's true that she loves my mom."
00:33 The next day, I woke up.
00:34 She said, "At 11 o'clock, we'll wake up a little late."
00:38 And she offered me to stay and eat.
00:39 I sent a message to my mom,
00:40 "Yeah, mom, do you think I can stay and eat at their place?"
00:43 She didn't answer me.
00:44 I know that's not normal,
00:45 but I thought, "Well, she must be on the phone,
00:49 she's just a friend, I don't know."
00:51 So I stayed and ate at my friends' place.
00:53 And around 1 p.m., I got home on foot,
00:56 I was walking down the street, I closed my windows,
00:57 I opened the door, I said, "Mom, I'm here, I'm so happy,
01:01 where are you?"
01:02 I'm happy because I know we'll meet again.
01:04 So I cross the corridor, I get to the kitchen,
01:06 and I see her on the floor, a little hunched over.
01:09 So I say, "Come on, get up."
01:12 I'm 12 years old, so I understand things,
01:14 but my brain stops a little bit.
01:17 I say, "Come on, get up, come on, get up."
01:19 I look around me, I see that the drawer,
01:22 where there were medocs in the house,
01:25 it's empty, there are packages of hidden things,
01:29 but perforated, you know, there's nothing left.
01:30 I see that there are two or three broken sheets on the table.
01:35 I see that the chair is overturned.
01:38 I say, "Wow."
01:39 I'm going to yell, "Mom," twice, I think.
01:41 I'm going to yell it so loud,
01:42 there are two girls who will come into the house,
01:44 directly, who will open my door, who will come,
01:46 and who will call the firefighters, and so on.
01:48 I was shocked like that.
01:51 I cried a lot, so it was super hard.
01:53 Super hard, because you let go of all the tears in your body,
01:57 and you ask yourself a lot of questions.
01:59 It was hard. I remember that I wasn't well at all.
02:01 I understood directly, "My mom left.
02:05 My mom left. She's not here anymore.
02:06 It's over.
02:08 So I'm going to keep the good one,
02:10 and I'm going to take her life, because she lived it.
02:14 She left at 45, 46, 47.
02:16 I'm going to take her with me,
02:19 and she'll be with me forever, but she's not here anymore."
02:22 And that's how it is. I wouldn't have the choice to move forward.
02:25 On the letters I found from my mom,
02:26 I remember that there were still some lines
02:28 where she "cabled" my dad, of course.
02:30 Where she said, "Pierrot,"
02:32 her dad's name was Pierre, "Pierrot,
02:34 I don't thank you for what you did.
02:36 You were a cause for this departure."
02:38 And in this letter, she says,
02:40 "I don't have the strength to testify in three days."
02:43 In fact, on May 6, 2013,
02:44 the first day of her brother's trial took place,
02:47 where, apparently, she had to testify,
02:49 because she was little.
02:50 She actually experienced incest and rape
02:53 from her brother, who is now in prison.
02:56 He did that to my mom,
02:58 to his two beautiful daughters,
02:59 and to the little girl he had with his wife.
03:01 So the wife is also in prison.
03:03 My mother has always been a little bit in the back,
03:05 she grew up with it.
03:06 With my dad, who was doing anything at home,
03:08 well, one day she said, "Stop."
03:10 I started to understand,
03:11 when I was quite young,
03:12 I must say I was 8 years old,
03:14 maybe, that the relationship between my parents was deteriorating.
03:17 I saw some violence, in fact.
03:19 I started to understand that my dad had
03:23 really serious problems with alcohol,
03:26 or smoking, and games.
03:28 I went to the trash can,
03:30 the good cans of 50cl,
03:32 I would send him maybe a fifteen,
03:34 maybe during the day.
03:36 He had two facets,
03:36 it was a little bit related to bipolar disorder and all that.
03:39 He would wake up in the morning,
03:41 big smile, adorable,
03:42 and in fact, in the evening, it was a mess.
03:44 He started to have periods, in fact,
03:46 in psychiatry.
03:47 He hit my mom, in fact.
03:50 He took her head.
03:52 I saw it with my own eyes,
03:53 it was in the bathroom of the apartment we had.
03:55 He hit her head against the bathtub,
03:57 I think,
03:58 and I touched her head a little bit,
04:00 she had bumps.
04:01 Frankly, he said some things to my mom,
04:03 and it was very embarrassing,
04:04 because with my mom, already,
04:07 we often say,
04:08 "I have an incredible complicity with my mom,"
04:09 but really, mine was even more,
04:11 it was a crazy thing.
04:13 She was my best friend,
04:14 it was crazy.
04:15 I liked my dad a lot too,
04:16 I still like him as much, in fact.
04:18 There was still, once again,
04:19 a lot of love,
04:20 that is to say that in the morning,
04:21 I saw my dad, I was happy,
04:23 he was great,
04:24 that's what I had.
04:25 He loved himself a lot,
04:27 I didn't necessarily say that,
04:28 but he loved himself a lot.
04:29 My mom would have left otherwise.
04:31 He loved himself a lot,
04:32 it was an infinite love,
04:33 but destructive,
04:34 because it's true that I already apprehended
04:37 my dad, what he was going to do,
04:39 how he was going to react.
04:40 I knew, I immediately understood
04:42 that it was going to be me who was going to keep him alive.
04:45 Except that there is something
04:45 that I never hid from myself,
04:47 it's that I knew that,
04:48 in the short, medium term,
04:50 my dad was going to do the same.
04:52 I was actually living with this thing.
04:54 So, a year,
04:55 a little more than a year after that,
04:58 my dad drank a lot,
05:00 he smoked a lot,
05:02 he didn't work,
05:03 so it was a hassle.
05:04 Fortunately, my grandma was there to help us.
05:05 There were times when, of course,
05:06 he was ultra sad,
05:07 there were times when,
05:09 very often,
05:09 he had a little bad alcohol.
05:11 So, when we say bad alcohol,
05:12 we can think that he was violent with me,
05:14 not at all.
05:15 I saw him,
05:16 for the worst.
05:17 He started talking to me about Marlon,
05:19 he said, "I'm not going to get out of this,
05:20 it's a hassle."
05:21 And he drank, he drank, he drank.
05:24 That's when my doubts intensified
05:25 about the fact that
05:26 I'm not going to be able to live my whole life like that.
05:28 Well, he's not going to be able to,
05:29 we'll see.
05:31 But he's not going to hold on.
05:32 And then it intensified vaguely,
05:34 we were supposed to be in July and August 2014.
05:36 My grandma comes on Thursday,
05:37 she brought us the groceries.
05:38 And there, she sees my dad,
05:39 she looks at him,
05:40 she says to him, "But, what, it was 11 o'clock at noon.
05:42 But, did you drink?"
05:44 She puts a huge, huge whip in his face.
05:47 And then, she presses the wrong button.
05:49 My dad, he...
05:50 He...
05:51 He took him to my room, to bed, actually.
05:53 And then, he grabbed him like that,
05:55 he started strangling him,
05:57 hard, hard, hard.
05:58 And so, I'm present,
05:59 the guy is a rock, I can't do anything.
06:01 But...
06:03 I'm behind him, I try to hit him.
06:05 "Tac, tac, but what are you doing?
06:06 I'm not going to tear him apart either."
06:07 She reminds me, he had the zipper in his zipper.
06:09 I tear everything off, but...
06:11 "Bam, bam, bam."
06:11 And then, suddenly, he stops.
06:13 In his delirium.
06:14 It was all red, I had hit him.
06:16 He looks at me like that, like a zombie,
06:17 a sick thing.
06:18 And my grandma, she takes the opportunity to get out.
06:21 "Tac, we get out of the apartment,
06:23 we take the car, we go to her house."
06:25 My dad calls me once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six times.
06:27 "You do this to me, you leave me alone and everything, la, la, la."
06:30 In the morning, I say to my grandma, "Well, listen,
06:32 we're going to the apartment, I have a gift.
06:34 We get down, I tell her, "Listen,
06:35 I'm going to the window,
06:36 and I'll give you a sign if it's not okay."
06:38 I go up, it's me, I go up the stairs, I open the door.
06:40 And I see a leg in the living room.
06:43 And in fact, my dad was hanging
06:45 with his belt on the gloves of the door.
06:48 There was no door, but there were gloves.
06:50 And then I look at him like that.
06:51 I'm not crying, I was ready.
06:53 So with my grandma, we sit on the couch like that.
06:56 And me, and my dad in front of us, like that, hanging.
06:58 And then we talk, and we say, "Well, listen,
07:01 it's over.
07:03 Now, well, we're going to move on."
07:05 Well, from that day on, I'm on the line,
07:07 so I want to live with my grandma.
07:09 And so her companion, whom I call my grandpa,
07:12 it's grandpa.
07:12 I thank them, I thank them very much.
07:15 They gave me an education, but...
07:17 incredible, like,
07:19 I'm not someone who's blowing my ass,
07:22 I'm not a guy who feels anything,
07:24 but I can say it, I had a great education.
07:27 There are values of life that they taught me,
07:29 and fortunately I got them, I'll be going crazy.
07:31 Would I, I don't even know,
07:33 would I have endured the blow if I had been
07:35 from a welcoming family to another?
07:37 I had an obligatory appointment with the shrink.
07:39 The shrink told him, "Listen, sir, I'm my shrink.
07:42 It's me, my shrink.
07:43 I don't need you."
07:44 So he said, "Well, tell me."
07:46 I told him my life, but I said, "Yes."
07:47 It made me feel like a fool.
07:48 Always the same questioning.
07:50 I don't know where I find the joy of real life,
07:52 happiness, strength, because, you know,
07:54 I'm with my friends in high school.
07:56 I didn't fight, I didn't insult anyone,
07:58 but I needed to mess around.
07:59 I laughed, I laughed, I talked.
08:01 Need to see people happy.
08:03 I had to, I had to make my friends enjoy their lives.
08:06 I knew I had the ingredients to do it.
08:08 And when I saw my classmates,
08:10 they didn't tell me, but when I saw them laughing,
08:11 I said, "Come on, come on."
08:12 I loved it because I saw the misery.
08:14 I saw what the hassle was.
08:16 I saw what it was like to be a street vendor.
08:18 I said, "Oh, my God, people, they have their parents.
08:20 They have a whole family."
08:22 I never wanted my parents to have it.
08:24 Why? Because all the love they gave me,
08:26 because they always gave me.
08:28 I also felt it as a confidence.
08:29 I knew, the moment I saw my mom,
08:32 the moment I understood, I already knew
08:34 that she did it because she knew I was going to succeed.
08:37 She knew that I was going to be able to endure everything.
08:39 She knew I was going to be a good person
08:40 and that I was going to live my whole life for her.
08:43 And my dad too.
08:44 I know, I know, that's for sure.
08:46 I didn't necessarily have a period of mourning, actually.
08:49 I don't know, it happened right away.
08:51 I was conditioned, maybe, to what was going to happen to me.
08:53 And nowadays, everyone knows me as someone very kind,
08:57 someone very joyful, someone who forgives, someone...
09:00 I need love, I need my friends,
09:02 I need to see smiles on people's faces.
09:04 And if I'm here, it's because I'm going to have to rebuild something in my life.
09:08 I hope to build a family,
09:10 to do something great and make my kids...
09:13 It's going to be amazing.
09:15 The traumas I've experienced have become a strength.
09:18 Now, I'm afraid of nothing.
09:19 What's going to destroy me more than what I've experienced?
09:21 I miss them a lot, I'm going to miss them for the rest of my life.
09:24 They trusted me.
09:25 I try to honor them as much as possible.
09:27 I have to communicate, I have to warn people
09:30 about the respect of parents.
09:31 I have to get away from associations,
09:33 but I have to go and see young people,
09:34 I have to go and tell them, "Oh, I love your parents.
09:37 I love your parents.
09:38 You won't have any regrets.
09:40 You'll be able to build your life on solid foundations."
09:42 I don't have any regrets because my parents knew that I was...
09:46 I'm sure my parents knew that I was a kind person
09:48 and they gave me love.
09:50 They did their job.
09:51 We can all find the strength to get by.
09:52 And the resilience, the courage I had,
09:55 I had it from the first day.
09:56 I understood that I had to move forward on my own.
09:58 I could only get by, I'm sure.