30min | Comedy, Drama | Episode aired 6 November 1967
After there is a 48 cent shortage at the bank, Lucy puts her own money to make the difference. When Mr. Cheever finds out, he blames Mr. Mooney, and Mooney is promptly fired. Lucy becomes Mr. Cheever's secretary, but feels so bad about Mr. Mooney, that she tries to convince Mr. Cheever that he's going insane because of the guilt of firing Mooney, and she plots to get Mr. Mooney's job back.
Director: Jack Donohue
Writers: Fred S. Fox, Seaman Jacobs, Fred S. Fox
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Mary Jane Croft
After there is a 48 cent shortage at the bank, Lucy puts her own money to make the difference. When Mr. Cheever finds out, he blames Mr. Mooney, and Mooney is promptly fired. Lucy becomes Mr. Cheever's secretary, but feels so bad about Mr. Mooney, that she tries to convince Mr. Cheever that he's going insane because of the guilt of firing Mooney, and she plots to get Mr. Mooney's job back.
Director: Jack Donohue
Writers: Fred S. Fox, Seaman Jacobs, Fred S. Fox
Stars: Lucille Ball, Gale Gordon, Mary Jane Croft
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Starring Lucille Ball, co-starring Gail Gordon.
00:24Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos.
01:22Oh, I'm just going on a two-week training group.
01:25Oh.
01:26But I shall return.
01:28Oh, good.
01:30Meanwhile, when I'm gone, I must have his ship shape.
01:33You understand that, sailor?
01:34Oh, yes, sir.
01:35All right, let's start with a clean sweep down for an ass.
01:38How's that?
01:40Pick up the letters.
01:41Oh.
01:42May I remind you that you are using my driftboard.
02:11Yes, sir.
02:12I'm sorry, sir.
02:13I'm sorry.
02:18You know, Mr. Mooney, you look very handsome and very distinguished in that uniform.
02:24So manly.
02:26What a change.
02:32I know what you mean.
02:35My wife said the same thing.
02:39You do look very military.
02:41What did you get that ribbon for?
02:44That's the victory medal.
02:46Oh.
02:47You know, you're so modest.
02:49You never even told me you were in the war.
02:52Mrs. Carmichael, there are some things a man doesn't like to talk about.
02:57Oh, I understand.
02:59Don't you say another word.
03:02But there were times when things got pretty rough out there.
03:08They sent us to do a job, and we did it.
03:11Fighting men and fighting ships.
03:13Oh, yes.
03:14I remember once on the sub.
03:16On the sub?
03:17The submarine.
03:18You were on a submarine?
03:20Oh, yes.
03:21Yes.
03:22The SS Porpoise.
03:26Yes.
03:27Once in the South Pacific, I had the con on the dog watch.
03:30Suddenly, my sharp eyes caught a glimpse of the enemy fleet.
03:33Did I panic?
03:34No.
03:35I sounded the alarm for a crash dive.
03:37I gave the order for periscope depth, and we closed for battle.
03:40I zeroed in on an enemy ship.
03:43Fire one!
03:46I ordered calmly.
03:49Torpedo away, came the answer.
03:50A moment later, we heard her hit home.
03:53We surfaced.
03:54I rushed to the bridge, manned the machine gun,
03:56and began firing at the enemy aircraft.
04:02Got him!
04:06You got it?
04:08Well, boy.
04:11Oh, are you going to command the same ship this time?
04:15Command?
04:16Oh, well, you know how the Navy is.
04:19Experience doesn't really count for anything.
04:22No, I'm just going to be another fighting man
04:25assigned to a dreary desk.
04:29Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Mooney.
04:31That doesn't seem fair.
04:33Well, that's the way it goes.
04:36I'd better get things squared away around here before I shove off.
04:39Yes, Mr. Cheever called and said to be sure and sign the Wilson Trust Papers before you go.
04:43They're very important.
04:44Oh, yes.
04:45Well, you get them for me, please.
04:46Yes, sir.
04:47They're right here in the safe.
04:48Good.
04:49Mr. Mooney, couldn't you apply for a transfer to a fighting ship?
04:52Well, that would take too much time.
04:55But if they need me, I'm ready.
04:58I'm going to run that desk like a taut ship.
05:01There'll be no gold-bricking in my office.
05:03When I give an order, those sailors are going to hop to it
05:06and stand at attention when you're being addressed by a superior officer.
05:10Yes, sir.
05:11All right, now get those papers.
05:12Yes, sir.
05:16There they are, sir.
05:17Mrs. Carmichael.
05:18Yes, sir.
05:19Were you raised in a barn?
05:21No, sir.
05:22I was raised in Jamestown.
05:23Then close that safe!
05:39You bent my sword.
05:43Harold, I'm sorry.
05:44I'll fix it.
05:45Here.
05:46Never mind!
05:47There's no damage already.
05:48I can straighten it out for you, Mr. Mooney.
05:50Oh, hello, Bill.
05:52You ready to go?
05:53Just about, yes, sir.
05:55Oh, that's my secretary, Mrs. Carmichael.
05:57Mrs. Carmichael, Commander Moore.
05:58How do you do, Mrs. Carmichael?
06:00I just stopped by to take Ted down to the base.
06:02Oh, how nice.
06:03Did you get assigned to a dreary desk job, too?
06:06No, not exactly.
06:07Mrs. Carmichael, he is the commander of a submarine.
06:11Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
06:14Don't you think it's terrible what they did to Mr. Mooney
06:16after all of his years of experience?
06:18What's this?
06:20Never mind, Mrs. Carmichael.
06:22Now, don't be modest.
06:25Didn't he tell you what he did on his ship during the war?
06:29Ship?
06:31I thought you were the housing officer in Wichita.
06:37Oh, well, yes.
06:39For a while, just outside of Wichita.
06:44But he was also a real fighting man on a fighting ship.
06:48On a submarine.
06:49Oh.
06:51You never told me any of this, Ted.
06:53No, I know I didn't.
06:55Commander, there are certain things
06:58that a man doesn't like to talk about.
07:02Well, a man with your experience
07:04shouldn't be tied down to a desk.
07:06That's what I say.
07:07You keep out of this.
07:10I may be able to pull some strings
07:12and get you down in my submarine.
07:15Down in a submarine?
07:17Well, now, I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.
07:20Well, I mean to say,
07:22they may be shorthanded down at the housing office.
07:24They may need me.
07:25Oh, nonsense.
07:26Any oddball can handle that job.
07:30That's right, Mr. Mooney.
07:31Let him get another oddball for that job.
07:35You deserve to be on active service.
07:38Now, you go with the commander
07:39and do what's best for the United States Navy.
07:41I'll take care of everything here.
07:43You already have.
07:47Well, Ted, let's shove off
07:49and get some water over our heads.
07:51Bye, Mr. Carmichael.
07:52Goodbye, Commander. Nice knowing you.
07:55Good luck, sir.
07:58Goodbye, Mr. Mooney.
08:01I'll see you when I get back.
08:04If I get back.
08:18Hello.
08:41Mr. Mooney's office.
08:43Oh, yes, Mr. Cheever.
08:45No, sir, he just left, sir.
08:47The Wilson papers.
08:51Oh, yes.
08:52Yes, sir, I know how important they are, sir.
08:56Yes, sir, you'll have them right away, sir.
08:58Yes, sir.
08:59He forgot to sign the papers.
09:02Put them in here.
09:03What's that combination?
09:0532, 32.
09:12Okay.
09:14Okay.
09:16Sorry, ma'am.
09:17Nobody's allowed on the base without a pass.
09:19But my boss is in there,
09:21and I have some very important papers that he has to sign.
09:23Sorry, ma'am.
09:25But if I don't get these papers to my boss,
09:27I'll be in a lot of trouble.
09:28I may even get fired.
09:30Look, lady, if I let you in, I may be fired.
09:33By a firing squad.
09:37Jones, William.
09:38Okay.
09:44Mister, please.
09:45Look, I'm not a spy.
09:47Cross my heart.
09:50If I was a spy, I'd have on some sort of a disguise.
09:53Maybe even dye my hair.
09:58I mean, a real crazy color.
10:01Now, look, I just gotta get these papers signed.
10:03I'll only be in there for a few minutes, Captain.
10:06Seaman, ma'am.
10:08Not without a pass.
10:10Anthony, Larry.
10:12Okay.
10:13Rush, Jerry.
10:14Okay.
10:15James, Chuck.
10:16Okay.
10:42Oh, wow.
11:12Overhead, Gerald.
11:13Okay.
11:14Lambie, Alex.
11:15Okay.
11:16Club, auto.
11:17Okay.
11:19Club, auto.
11:22Auto club.
11:23Overhead, Gerald.
11:24Okay.
11:25Lambie, Alex.
11:26Okay.
11:27Club, auto.
11:28Okay.
11:30Club, auto.
11:33Auto club.
11:50Mr. Mooney.
11:54What are you doing here?
11:55You forgot to sign the Wilson Trust papers.
11:57I did.
11:58Yes.
11:59Mr. Cheever was very upset.
12:00Have you got a pen?
12:01Yes, I have.
12:02Come on.
12:03All right.
12:04He was so upset.
12:05Mooney.
12:06I'll get them right back to you.
12:08What are you doing in that uniform?
12:10I borrowed it to get through the gate.
12:12If they catch you, they'll shoot you.
12:13Yeah, all right.
12:14I'll just tell them I'm your secretary and you invited me aboard.
12:17Oh, in that uniform, that's fine.
12:18Then they'll shoot both of us.
12:19Get out of here.
12:20Get out.
12:21Hurry up.
12:22Go, go, go.
12:23Go.
12:34Bon voyage.
12:41As you were.
12:43Now, Bill, I'm expecting a bigger showing from you this time.
12:47Yes, sir.
12:48This is a very important training maneuver.
12:50Yes, sir.
12:51If this pig boat expects a promotion in the next 10 years,
12:54they'd better snap to.
12:55Yes, sir.
12:56Mooney.
12:57You heard that?
12:58Snap to.
12:59Yes, sir.
13:00All right, men.
13:01Snap to.
13:02You, sailor.
13:03That means you.
13:04Snap to.
13:05Snap to, sailor.
13:06Get busy.
13:07Get busy.
13:08Get busy.
13:09Believe me.
13:11Watch this, sailor.
13:16Stay with me, sailor.
13:23You are from in your home waters,
13:36this is the Admiral.
13:37This is the admiral secure for general quarters.
13:44Let's go!
13:47Oh, I'm going to keep my eye on this fish.
13:59Admiral, I can explain everything. See, there was a malfunction.
14:05Well, you heard what the admiral said. He's going to be up there on his barge watching this whole show.
14:10And he's got eyes like a hawk.
14:12I don't want any excuses! I want results!
14:15Aye, aye, sir. Yes, sir.
14:17Oh, this is all your fault!
14:19I don't want excuses! I want results!
14:22Get out of here! Get out! Hurry up!
14:34I can't get it open.
14:43I can't get it open.
14:46Well, I'll open it! I've got to get you off here before we shove off!
14:50Yes, sir.
14:51Hurry!
15:08I think we already shoved off.
15:12Now I've got to hide you somewhere.
15:14If they find you, I will be shot for smuggling a woman aboard!
15:19Yes, I'll be shot, but I'll lose my pension!
15:23Where will I hide?
15:24Here! In here! Come through here! Come on! Now, hurry up!
15:28Ouch! Watch your feet!
15:29What?
15:30And your head!
15:34Where will I hide in here?
15:35I don't know.
15:36Commander Mooney, report to the chart room.
15:38Chart room?
15:39Where's that?
15:40I don't know where it is. Here, over here!
15:41Look! Wonderful place to hide! Right in there!
15:43In there?
15:44Yes, come on! Get in there!
15:45You sure?
15:46Yes, that'll be fine! That's good!
15:47Get in there!
15:50Fine!
15:51You won't forget me, will you?
15:53Well, of course not!
15:58Mr. Mooney!
16:01Now what?
16:02What is this? I'm hiding in a garbage chute?
16:06No, it's just a torpedo tube!
16:08Torpedo tube?
16:09What?
16:10Get me out of here!
16:11Get me out of here!
16:14Please!
16:15Get over here! Get in the bunk!
16:17Pretend you're a sailor!
16:18Is that a torpedo?
16:19Yes, but don't pay any attention to it!
16:21Don't! Get in there!
16:22Please!
16:23That's it! Get in there!
16:24Now you stay!
16:25I don't like it here!
16:27Are you having trouble, son?
16:29Oh, uh, no, no.
16:31Just one of our new men's little shy of the torpedoes.
16:35Oh, don't worry about a thing, mate.
16:37Them are practice torpedoes.
16:39They ain't even loaded.
16:41Well, Mr. Mooney, you're holding the chart room while I'm in the dump hole.
16:45I, uh, sir, yeah.
16:47You, uh, you be quiet and remain right there, sailor.
16:56Well, I'm going to get me some sack time while I'm getting this good.
17:00Yes, sir.
17:01Don't get a chance to get much sack time around here.
17:06I'll tell you one thing, pally.
17:08I sure can't wait till we get a leave.
17:10That's the one thing I need is a nice, long leave.
17:15I met a blondie the other night that is really gorgeous.
17:20What do you think?
17:22That's right.
17:26Stay in touch with me, pal, because the next time I see her,
17:30I'll ask her if she's got a good-looking chick for you.
17:32Would you like a date like that?
17:36Oh, boy.
17:38Talking about good-looking chicks.
17:40You should have seen the redhead I spotted down at the gate this morning.
17:43A real sharp chick.
17:44Big blue eyes, nice little nose, nice long legs.
17:49Boy, a swinging chick.
17:53Hey, how would you like a date with something like that?
18:00That's exactly the way I feel.
18:02Hey, you know something?
18:04I like you.
18:06You and I are going to get along just great.
18:08You're my kind of guy.
18:09You know what you're talking about.
18:15I found a blondie.
18:17Sailor, report to the radar officer.
18:20Me, sir?
18:21Yes.
18:22I'm the cook.
18:23Well, he's hungry.
18:24Come on, on the double.
18:25On the double.
18:26There you go.
18:27That's right.
18:28Now take your gear and get out of here.
18:29That's it.
18:30Hurry up.
18:31Hurry up.
18:32He's very hungry.
18:33Hey, Dutch.
18:34I found a great place for you to hide.
18:35Come on.
18:36Never mind.
18:37We'll just hurry before they take her down.
18:38Come on.
18:39Take her down?
18:40Yes, we're going to dive.
18:41Dive?
18:42Dive?
18:43Oh, yes.
18:44Well, now, don't get frantic.
18:45There's nothing to panic about.
18:46Don't be afraid.
18:47Dive.
18:48Dive.
18:49Dive.
18:50Dive.
18:51Dive.
18:52Dive.
18:53Dive.
18:54Dive.
18:55Dive.
18:56Dive.
18:57Dive.
18:58Dive.
18:59Dive.
19:00Dive.
19:01Dive.
19:02Dive.
19:03Dive.
19:04Dive.
19:05Dive.
19:06Dive.
19:17I'm right to 073.
19:19Right, 073.
19:21Remember, Mooney, the admiral's going to be up there on his barge,
19:23watching this whole show.
19:24Yes, sir.
19:25Yes, sir.
19:26All right, snap to it, six- ży
19:29Look alive.
19:30There.
19:31What are you doing here?
19:45I'm hungry.
19:46Hungry?
19:47It's my lunchtime.
19:48Morning.
19:49You check the forward compartment?
19:50Aye, aye, sir.
19:51Everything secure?
19:52Aye, sir.
19:53All right.
19:54Keep your men busy.
19:55Aye, aye, sir.
19:56And that means you, sailor.
19:57You keep busy, sailor.
19:58Do something.
19:59Do something.
20:00Do something.
20:01Do something.
20:02What do I do?
20:03Here.
20:04Take this.
20:05Pretend you know how to use it.
20:06Sonar contact bearing 238 relative.
20:07You know, Mooney, this is the most important torpedo exercise of the year.
20:08We've got to make a good showing.
20:09Yes, sir.
20:10Sonar contact bearing 097 relative.
20:11It's going pretty fast.
20:12Must be a destroyer.
20:13Oh, yes.
20:14There it is, Mooney!
20:15There it is!
20:16There it is!
20:17There it is!
20:18There it is!
20:19There it is!
20:20There it is!
20:21There it is!
20:22There it is!
20:23There it is!
20:24There it is!
20:25There it is!
20:26There it is!
20:27There it is!
20:28There it is!
20:29There it is, Mooney!
20:30Our target ship!
20:31Here's what we've been waiting for.
20:33What are you doing there?
20:36Nothing, sir.
20:37Well, get mopping.
20:38This is a torpedo exercise.
20:40We're about to fire one.
20:41Fire one.
20:42Fire one.
20:43Come to run the way.
20:59We fired one.
21:06We hit something.
21:08The admiral's barge.
21:14Prepare to surface.
21:16All ballast tanks, stop all engines.
21:38Commander Moore!
21:48Yes, sir?
21:49Who gave the order to fire that torpedo?
21:52Well, sir?
21:54I did, sir.
21:58Good show.
22:00What's that?
22:02Your crew is more on the ball than I thought, sir.
22:05It is?
22:06It is.
22:08Of all the members of the fleet, your boat was the only one who saw that I was not flying the proper recognition signals.
22:14And you took action.
22:16Kind of drastic action, but...
22:21I'm going to see that you get a citation, an extra liberty for all hands.
22:26Well, let's hear it for the admiral.
22:28Hip hip...
22:29Hooray!
22:30Ho!
22:32Hip hip...
22:33Hooray!
22:34Ho!
22:35Hip hip...
22:36Hooray!
22:37Ho!
22:40Hip hip...
22:42Hip hip...
22:43Hooray!
22:44Ho!
22:46Hip hip...
22:47Hooray!
23:05Ho!
23:06Ho!
23:07Ho!
23:08Ho!
23:09Ho!
23:10Ho!
23:11Ho!
23:12Ho!
23:13Ho!
23:14Ho!
23:15Ho!
23:16Ho!
23:17Ho!
23:18Ho!
23:19Ho!
23:20Ho!
23:21Ho!
23:22Ho!
23:23Ho!
23:24Ho!
23:25Ho!
23:26Ho!
23:27Ho!
23:28Ho!
23:29Ho!
23:30Ho!
23:31Ho!
23:32Ho!
23:33Ho!