Keenan's 2019 - Blow Your Wad
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FunTranscript
00:01Let's first get our lovely Julie up here, if you wouldn't mind.
00:05Julie is from the Preston Steve Totally Office calendar.
00:08Hi, Julie.
00:09The crowd seems to like Julie.
00:10Now, Julie's wearing a bikini, and she has different stickers on her.
00:15She has one that is on her forehead, it says face, she has one on her chest,
00:20she has one on her stomach, one on her feet, and one on her back.
00:24And I'll explain exactly.
00:25And one on her ass, Preston.
00:26Is there one on her ass?
00:27Yes.
00:28One on her ass as well.
00:29Okay.
00:30So what we want to do is have some extra cash for our contestants to win.
00:33Basically, a wad of cash is what we're going to be giving away.
00:36It's a wad of cash.
00:37Oh, yeah, Preston, here.
00:38Here's your wad of cash.
00:39Oh, thank you.
00:40All right.
00:41Here's the official wad of cash that we're going to have to give away.
00:43Yep.
00:44All right.
00:45So the name of this contest is, you guys ready?
00:49Yes.
00:50One, two, three.
00:51Blow your wad.
00:53All right.
00:54So we're going to get contestants up here one at a time.
00:56Marissa, can I have my first contestant, please?
00:58This is Mary.
00:59Hi.
01:00How are you doing, Mary?
01:01I'm really good.
01:02Wait.
01:03Where are you from?
01:04I'm from New England.
01:05Mother .
01:07Oh.
01:08Okay.
01:09Hey, Mary.
01:10You can't say mother effer on the radio.
01:13All right.
01:14Yeah.
01:15What's that?
01:16E-S-T-L-E-S-T-O.
01:21That's what they have to say about New England.
01:23Yeah.
01:24This is one way to start it.
01:25Right?
01:26Exactly.
01:27The way this game works is we're going to have you spin the wheel.
01:29The wheel has various dollar amounts on there.
01:31Whatever it lands on, I'm going to give that money to you.
01:34Now, I'm going to give you that wad of cash.
01:36You can keep that wad of cash or you can blow your wad on Julie.
01:42All right?
01:43And you can blow your wad on her face.
01:45You can blow your wad on her chest.
01:47Blow your wad on her stomach.
01:48Blow your wad on her feet.
01:49Blow your wad on her ass.
01:50Blow your wad on her back.
01:52So there are all different locations to blow your wad on Julie.
01:55And the reason you may want to blow your wad is because underneath those stickers are prizes.
02:00Now, they could be more or less than the dollar amount that you have here.
02:05Somewhere on Julie, we have $500.
02:09And you could win that.
02:11But you also might win $1.
02:13You also might win, I don't know, something else, concert tickets or something along those lines.
02:17If you don't know, the question is what kind of gambler are you?
02:20Yes.
02:21So first we're going to have her spin the wheel for a dollar amount.
02:24But now before you guys help us say blow your wad before we spin the wheel.
02:29So you guys ready?
02:30One, two, three.
02:31Blow your wad.
02:33Spin the wheel.
02:35There are dollar amounts that range all the way from $20 to $100.
02:38We have $40.
02:40Do you want to blow your wad?
02:43I'm blowing my wad.
02:45Yes.
02:46All right.
02:47She's going to blow your wad.
02:48Mary, where do you want to blow your wad?
02:49On her ass.
02:50All right.
02:51Right.
02:52Go ahead.
02:53Let's remove that.
02:54Roll your wad.
02:55All right.
02:56Let's see what we get.
02:57What is our prize?
02:59It is tickets to see the Who on Saturday at Citizens Bank Park.
03:07All right.
03:08So that's definitely better than $40.
03:09So congratulations, Mary.
03:11You blew a very successful wad.
03:13All right.
03:14Get out of here.
03:15Have a good weekend.
03:17I know.
03:18E-I-G-L-E-S-E-R.
03:22All right.
03:23Let's get our next contestant.
03:24What's your name?
03:25Shannon.
03:26All right.
03:27Shannon.
03:28And are you from media?
03:29Yes, I am.
03:30You ready to play blow your wad?
03:31I'm going to blow my wad.
03:32She's going to blow her wad.
03:33Well, let's find out first.
03:34So let's have you spin the wheel.
03:36And, ladies and gentlemen, let's see what we end up with.
03:40$40.
03:41Do you want to keep the $40 or do you want to blow your wad?
03:43I want to blow my wad.
03:45All right.
03:46Where do you want to blow your wad?
03:48Feet.
03:49On her feet.
03:50She's going to blow her wad on her feet.
03:52That is sicko.
03:53You're sick.
03:54Pervert.
03:55No.
03:56Okay.
03:57We're going to blow your wad on her feet.
03:58So, ladies and gentlemen, one more time.
03:59One, two, three.
04:00Blow your wad.
04:02All right.
04:03Let's see what we get.
04:04All right.
04:05This has got to hurt.
04:06Sorry, Julie.
04:07Those are lovely shoes, by the way.
04:08Ladies and gentlemen, she has just won $500.
04:13Oh.
04:14Nice.
04:17That's a gigantic wad to blow.
04:19Shan, nice job.
04:21Wow.
04:22Fistful of cash.
04:23Watch your hands.
04:24Watch your hands.
04:25All right.
04:26You dropped 10.
04:27Congratulations, Shan.
04:28Get off the stage.
04:29All right.
04:30Let's get our next contestant up here.
04:32Now, there's more good than prizes on here, but keep in mind, you can blow your wad on yourself,
04:37too, if you want to hang on to it.
04:39All right.
04:40Absolutely fine.
04:41What's your name, sir?
04:42I'm Kevin.
04:43All right, Kevin.
04:44Are you from media as well?
04:45I am.
04:46I am.
04:47Do you know Shannon?
04:48That's my wife.
04:49Oh, my God.
04:50How did that happen?
04:51Dude, I have no idea.
04:52I picked the contestants.
04:53I had no idea.
04:54I'm the same family.
04:55Well, go ahead and spin it, and let's see what you end up with to start off.
04:58So, here is our first denomination.
05:01It's a $50 one.
05:02Now, the $500 is already gone.
05:05There's prizes there, but I don't know.
05:08You want to blow your wad on yourself or blow it on Julie?
05:11Preston, I'm going to blow the wad.
05:12Preston, I'm going to blow the wad.
05:13He's going to blow the wad on Julie.
05:14Okay.
05:15Where do you want to blow your wad?
05:17I'm going to go chest.
05:19The crowd wants chest.
05:20The crowd wants chest.
05:21All right.
05:22Do you mind?
05:23All right.
05:24It's okay if I reach in there, Julie?
05:25It's perfectly fine.
05:26All right.
05:27Good.
05:28You have to.
05:29You have permission.
05:30Verbal confirmation.
05:31So, here we go.
05:32We're blowing it on her chest.
05:33And we have $9.33.
05:36But it's okay, because your wife won $500.
05:41That's true.
05:42Yeah.
05:43All right.
05:44Here you go.
05:45You got to give me change.
05:46Yeah.
05:47I'll give you a 10.
05:48Give me a 67 cents change.
05:49Yeah.
05:5067 cents, please.
05:51Sorry.
05:52That was such a tiny wad.
05:53Let's get our next one up.
05:54Oh, we got a big fella here.
05:55Oh, that's going to be a big wad.
05:56Yeah.
05:57What's your name?
05:58My name's Tim.
05:59Where are you from, Tim?
06:00From Delco.
06:01From Delco.
06:02Delco.
06:03Delco.
06:04I didn't do this on purpose.
06:05We're going to this county in PA.
06:06Let's have you spin the wheel.
06:08We'll get ready to blow the wad, okay?
06:09All right.
06:10All right.
06:11Will Atlanta?
06:12$100.
06:13That's a tough decision.
06:15That's a wad.
06:16You may want to blow that wad on yourself.
06:19Tim, are you going to blow your wad on Julie or blow your wad on yourself?
06:22I'm going to blow the wad.
06:24Wow.
06:25Really?
06:26Wow.
06:27Okay.
06:28How very Delco of you.
06:30All right, Tim.
06:31Where do you want to blow your wad?
06:34Because we have stomach, face, and back.
06:37I would like to blow my wad on her back.
06:39All right.
06:40He would like to blow his wad on her back.
06:43Here we go.
06:44Let's see what we get.
06:45Remember, he landed on $100.
06:47And we have a pair of tickets to see The Who at Susan's Bank Park.
06:52Yes.
06:53That's worth more than $100.
06:54That is.
06:55Congratulations.
06:56Tim will set you up.
06:57Head over that way.
06:58All right.
06:59Justin.
07:00She is feeling good.
07:01What is your name?
07:02Kitty Bojangles.
07:03Kitty Bojangles.
07:04Kitty Bojangles.
07:05Kitty Bojangles.
07:06That is the greatest name.
07:07I didn't know Bojangles had a daughter.
07:09I have ever heard.
07:10Where are you from, Kitty Bojangles?
07:12I'm from Havertown.
07:14From Havert-Delco.
07:19How are you feeling, Kitty?
07:20Oh, I'm feeling f***ing great.
07:22Oh, my God.
07:23Number two.
07:24You can't say that, Kitty.
07:26Not to be outdone by New England.
07:28And they're so shocked when you tell them they can't say that.
07:31I know.
07:32Oh, Preston.
07:33She dropped an off-bomb out there and I said,
07:35you can't do that on the air, Kitty Bojangles.
07:38All right, you can't talk anymore, Kitty Bojangles.
07:40Kitty Bo filthy mouth.
07:41Spin the wheel.
07:42All right, here we go.
07:43Blow your wad.
07:44Oh, don't rip it off.
07:45She did a double hand spin.
07:47Yeah.
07:48It's flying around and it's going to land on $40.
07:51Okay.
07:52Oh.
07:53You want to blow your wad?
07:55Preston, can I put my wad on more than one of those?
07:58No.
07:59No.
08:00What the hell is s*** on me?
08:03Oh, my God.
08:04All right.
08:05I'm just going to ask you without going on the mic.
08:07Where do you want to blow your wad?
08:08Her face or her stomach?
08:09No.
08:10No, no, no, no, no.
08:11Just say it.
08:12Where do you want to do it?
08:13Come on, drunkard.
08:14Right on her face.
08:15On her face.
08:16All right.
08:17Blow her wad on her face.
08:19Everybody.
08:20One, two, three.
08:21One, two, three.
08:23On her face.
08:24Let me remove the sticker off of her face.
08:26One dollar.
08:28Oh.
08:29I'm sort of glad.
08:30I am too.
08:31I'm sort of glad.
08:32Karma's a bitch.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Kitty Bojangles.
08:35And you know what?
08:36You put that in the swear jar, young lady.
08:38She just threw it out.
08:39Put that in the swear jar.
08:40She threw her dollar on the ground, so.
08:43She's sleeping early tonight.
08:44Yeah, I think so.
08:45Oh, no, no, no.
08:46She'll be sleeping by the end of the show.
08:48She'll be sleeping early this morning.
08:50All right, hey, guys.
08:51What's that siren sound?
08:53Let's give it up for our totally office calendar girl, Julie,
08:56for being a part of this.
08:57Awesome.
08:58The best.
08:59Thank you, Julie.