Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an 82-year-old man who just hit the lottery in Virginia. He works as a waiter and the show imagines what Chuck would be like if he were a senior waiter.
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00:00It sucks to be old.
00:10You know what I hope I'm not doing when I'm 82?
00:14I don't know.
00:15Pooping your pants?
00:16Yeah.
00:16Well, that.
00:17That.
00:18And waiting tables.
00:19Oh, God.
00:20Oh, no.
00:21I don't want to be a senior waiter.
00:23Could you even imagine how upset you'd be just every day?
00:28Never remember the orders.
00:29Oh, man.
00:30Hi, welcome to date.
00:31What do you want?
00:33Oh, God.
00:34Grand Slam.
00:35I want a Grand Slam.
00:36Extra bacon.
00:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:39You know how seniors hate their life and are so bitter?
00:42Oh, no.
00:43They would be the worst.
00:44You can't.
00:45Chuck, if you were a senior waiter, you would be a nightmare.
00:49You would last.
00:50Okay, so a lot of seniors do, like, the drive-through stuff.
00:54And I've had them be so pleasant.
00:58They're, like, the nicest people in the world.
01:00I just recently, though, had one that I think was not happy.
01:05Has their peak.
01:06With their job.
01:08I know.
01:08And, um.
01:12It's hard to be happy when you're 80 years old and your boss is 17.
01:16I know.
01:17That blows my mind.
01:18That must blow their minds.
01:20Oh, it's got to be a mind-ass.
01:22You fought in a war and this kid is just bossing you around.
01:25You know what I'm saying?
01:25Exactly.
01:26Exactly.
01:27That person hasn't even entered a lady yet and they're in charge of you.
01:29Yeah, that's true.
01:30That's insane.
01:31That's true.
01:32Hey, old Chuck!
01:34Get to that table.
01:35We just sat two more customers.
01:37What are you doing?
01:37This guy is, uh, that guy's 16 years old.
01:43Just started driving.
01:45Chuck!
01:46How many times am I going to tell you to get to the tables?
01:49I chopped a Japanese man in half in World War II.
01:52Oh, good for you.
01:53You know what?
01:53With his own sword.
01:54Oh, big deal.
01:55You know what?
01:55I've killed everybody in Call of Duty.
01:57Get to the tables!
01:58I don't even know what that is.
02:00Call of Duty.
02:01Yeah, it's war.
02:02It's real war.
02:03It's like a call of someone taking a crap.
02:05You're taking a crap.
02:07You're taking a crap right now on me by not serving those tables!
02:11Where's my gun?
02:12Where is it?
02:13You're not allowed to bring a gun in the red spot.
02:16It's against company policy, Chuck.
02:17I told you, Chuck, not to bring your gun to work.
02:19Do I get HR involved?
02:20No, no.
02:21Oh, that...
02:22Ah!
02:23Chuck shot me in the way!
02:25Yep!
02:26That's it!
02:27I quit!
02:28Not again.
02:28He quit!
02:30Damn it.
02:31I'm going to call my mom.
02:32Yeah, call your mommy.
02:36I will.
02:36I'm just going to kiss it and make it feel better.
02:38I thought it was a misprint when I read this this morning.
02:41Senior waiter.
02:42But no, it's legit.
02:43Yeah.
02:44This 82-year-old waiter in Virginia Beach who works at an Italian restaurant.
02:51Yeah.
02:52Has been working there for years.
02:55The good news is he just hit the lottery.
02:59Oh!
03:00Wow.
03:00He's a free man now.
03:01I mean, not huge, but good.
03:04Yeah, but the older you are, the less huge it needs to be, Dave.
03:07$285,000.
03:09Nice.
03:09I mean...
03:10That could go a long way for him.
03:11I guess it could.
03:12The old dude used numbers an old friend told him to play years ago.
03:18Like he just remembered?
03:19Right.
03:215.
03:2212.
03:24What's happening?
03:2418.
03:25Chuck?
03:2632.
03:27Are you okay?
03:2847.
03:29What?
03:29Are you giving me your phone number or social security number?
03:30What is this?
03:3163.
03:32I don't know.
03:33I don't even know where those came from, but I think it was an old friend.
03:36Senior waiter, Vicente Mascara of Virginia Beach, the 82-year-old Italian restaurant waiter
03:42described as a very hard worker, matched all five winning numbers playing Cash 5 with Easy
03:47Match.
03:48Again, he got them from an unidentified friend a couple years ago.
03:53Wow.
03:53He told lottery officials that he actually still likes his job most days.
03:58Most days.
04:00And he's not sure if he'll quit.
04:04Even after he collects his money.
04:07Well, I can understand that, though, because the pressure's off.
04:10You know what I mean?
04:10Like, there's no pressure to, you know.
04:14It's got to be tough if, like, his old friends come in or something and it's like, still working
04:18here, huh?
04:19You know, because I felt that when I was at the bar a little too long, you know?
04:22Still here, huh?
04:24Hey, hey, hey, my 20s.
04:27Oh, yeah.
04:28These didn't work out, did they?
04:29Well.
04:31Yeah, Chuck's still working at the Denny's, huh?
04:32Yeah.
04:33Yeah, you noticed that.
04:34You really love serving those moons over my hammies, huh?
04:37Yeah, I love it.
04:38One of my favorite things on earth.
04:42Boy, I love it here.
04:44I'm surprised you're not running the joint yet.
04:46Nope, nope.
04:47Just keep getting passed over.
04:49See that guy over there with the different colored hair?
04:52Yeah, that 16-year-old kid?
04:53That's my boss right there.
04:54Oh, my God.
04:54Yep.
04:55That sucks, huh?
04:55Yep.
04:56He collects Pokemon on his phone while he works.
05:01You're not into that?
05:03I'm not.
05:03No.
05:04It turns out.
05:04Oh, that's too bad.
05:05I'm not into it.
05:07Oh, Chuck.
05:07Hopefully you get out of here.
05:09I don't know what you did.
05:10Oh, I'm going to get out of here.
05:11Hey, could you refill my coffee real quick while you're here?
05:13You know what?
05:16Oh, did you trip and spill it all over him?
05:17Oh, no!
05:18Oh!
05:20Right on my crotch!
05:21Oh, hurry!
05:22Someone called someone.
05:24Then you just act confused, right?
05:25Yeah, I don't know what happened.
05:27Oh, I'm having a medical emergency.
05:30I'm going to be smelting my genitals right off.
05:32Oh, no.
05:33I keep pouring it.
05:34Stop pouring it!
05:36Oh, his Parkinson's is all shooting!
05:39Oh, he's breathing all over me!
05:41Help us, help you!
05:42I could totally...
05:43But here's the crazy thing.
05:44I could totally see Chuck doing that.
05:46Oh, yeah.
05:47Well, I mean, no.
05:48I'm going to be honest.
05:48Like, I promise you, I promise you this, that if fortunes turn and I am at a Denny's as a server at 82, I promise you I will be dead.
06:00I can absolutely 100% promise you that you will not have to worry about me because I will climb to the top of the Gordie Howe Bridge and I will jump.
06:15You burned me so badly, I now pee through a slit in my crotch.
06:18PENIS is gone.
06:20Oops.
06:21Oops.