Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a brawl that took place at a gas station in Birmingham.
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00:00Birmingham police are trying to get to the bottom of what started a brawl at a gas station
00:12on Maple Road.
00:13Five people started assaulting each other, it looks like in three different cars, at
00:18the mobile station on Maple Road.
00:20All the people left the station before the cops arrived.
00:22One of them came back, though.
00:24No arrests or injuries were reported.
00:25And the video, just the surveillance video, it's hard to really tell what...
00:30Was it like a white person brawl?
00:32Like, you know...
00:33I don't think it is.
00:34Rich Birmingham?
00:35That's what you would think it would be.
00:36That's how I assume a brawl goes in Birmingham, like if Chuck and Andy were...
00:42I dare say!
00:44Sir, cut me off, you...
00:46Just, you're a bastard is what you are.
00:49Clearly, I have the right of way in this scenario.
00:52Here's my handbook on driving.
00:54You don't, I've checked both my smartphone apps.
00:57Oh, really?
00:58I'm a liar!
00:59You're a liar and you're going to jail.
01:01You, sir, are a son of a bitch!
01:03I think we should fight.
01:05I think we should duel!
01:06We should lock in fisticuffs.
01:08Let me take these white gloves off and slap you upon the face, we'll put in a...
01:11I need to take my...
01:12Slap!
01:13I'm gonna...
01:13Oh!
01:14In the face!
01:15Oh, you're getting an ascot to the face.
01:17Oh!
01:19Oh, you dirty, dirty son of a...
01:21Ascot!
01:21Take that, I have to take my blazer off.
01:24Yeah, listen.
01:25There are some ground rules here before we brawl.
01:27All right.
01:29Don't mess with each other's hair.
01:30No, this is expensive hair, right?
01:32Do not mess these slacks.
01:34Those are nice slacks, I must say.
01:36You have a fantastic pair of slacks yourself!
01:38I like the cut of your jib, sir.
01:40But I do not like the way you drive.
01:42I believe we should take our shoes off, because these, of course, are Corinthian leather.
01:47I just had a mani-pedi.
01:50Those toes do look nice.
01:52Look at them.
01:53Drink them in before they kick you in the face.
01:58If those are the last things I see, then I've lived a good life.
02:01You have.
02:03Here in Birmingham.
02:05Birmingham.
02:05The streets will run red with your blood today!
02:09Yes, they will.
02:10And because we pay our taxes just right here, they will clean it up very promptly.
02:16I have fencing gear.
02:18Do you want to fence?
02:19Oh, yes, of course.
02:20Okay, that's how we'll handle it.
02:21I am no novice when it comes to fencing, good sir.
02:24Nor I!
02:25But God, good sir.
02:27Don't hit the Bentley, though.
02:30Don't hit the cars.
02:31Oh, yeah, no.
02:32You scratched my Bentley.
02:34Now you must die.
02:36Did I scratch your Bentley?
02:37You did.
02:38You did.
02:38Let me put my feet...
02:38Well, kill me, then, because I just...
02:40You understand.
02:40I cannot afford to fix that.
02:42No, you cannot.
02:43I'm going to put my beautiful feet away here and...
02:46Choke the life out of you.
02:49Yep.
02:50You're listening to a Birmingham gas station.
02:52The feet look for me.
02:54I'm sorry it came to this.
02:56Your feet smell of cucumber?
02:59They were soaking them overnight.
03:05It's a little different.
03:06I don't think that's how the brawl went, though.
03:08No.
03:08Judging by the video.
03:10It was more like, I'm going to kick your ass, bitch!
03:13I'm going to kick your ass, bitch!
03:14No, bitch!
03:15You're a bitch!
03:15Oh, you are a bitch!
03:19There were some guys that were like, God damn it, get out of here.
03:22Fast.
03:23Oh, jeez.
03:24Somebody needs to alert me.
03:26Alert the police.
03:28There are scared white people here.
03:29This is burning hair, for goodness sakes!
03:32Oh, boy!
03:34Yeah, the response would have been swift and painful.
03:37Dirk was quite a boring thing.
03:40I was eating a scone, and I looked out, and two ragamuffins were out there fighting.
03:45Oh, dear heaven.
03:46I tell you, it's all true.
03:50I was there, and I saw a toll.
03:52He did.
03:53We got in a fight first.
03:54I took my shoes off and showed him my mani-pedi that you recommended.
03:57Turns out, after that, we were great buddies.
03:59We went to play polo.
04:00Had so much in common.
04:03We were both so rich.
04:04We both love Earl Grey tea.
04:07Can you believe it?
04:11I fancied him a chamomile man at first, dear.
04:15What a shock it was.
04:17The best of friends at the unlikeliest of moments.
04:21Right before thrashing.
04:22The tale of how two gentlemen met at the Birmingham gas station.
04:31Yeah.
04:32I bet the people were probably, the witnesses were probably scared to death.
04:36Oh, yeah.
04:37Well, listen.
04:38God!
04:39Can I just tell you what I saw for just two godlessed seconds?
04:44First off, I'm at the gas station trying to get some high-grade quality gas in my Bentley.
04:51Finally, I hear this noise.
04:54What sounds like Snoop Dogg and his whole crew rolling up.
04:59And sure enough, a black guy in a Camaro jumps out of his car and starts pummeling another black guy.
05:07It was the most black people I've seen in probably six or seven years.
05:11You must have been petrified.
05:13Honestly, it's the most black people I've seen since watching a Lions game.
05:18Oh, dear Christ.
05:19That many?
05:20That many.
05:20So I just, I hid under my car and hoped for the best.
05:25I got on my cell phone.
05:27I called the authorities and they just came down and they choked them and tased them all
05:31and shot two of them.
05:34Are you going to tail this in a book?
05:38Yes, an autobiography.
05:39I'm going to, of course, pen with a ghostwriter.
05:42You know, you wouldn't give out your real name.
05:45Yeah, no.
05:46It's too dangerous.
05:47I bet you were scared to death.
05:49Oh, my God.
05:51I was very frightened.
05:54You were shaken in your brown hiking shoes.
05:56Oh, boy.
05:57I almost spit out my latte.
06:00I almost spit out my latte.
06:00I almost spit out my latte.
06:00I almost spit out my latte.
06:00I almost spit out my latte.
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06:20I almost spit out my latte.
06:25I almost spit out my latte.