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00:00The Lucy Show
00:12Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30The Lucy Show
00:35The Lucy Show
00:49The Lucy Show
00:50The Lucy Show
00:51The Lucy Show
00:52The Lucy Show
00:54Hello, Mrs. Carmichael
00:56Hello there, and welcome back.
01:00How was the convention?
01:01Oh, it was sensational.
01:03We certainly showed those folks in Atlantic City
01:06that we bankers are not the stuffed shirts we're made out to be.
01:11I don't like the show, don't I?
01:13I'm sure glad you had a good time.
01:15Oh, we did.
01:16Oh, Mrs. Carmichael, here's a little present I brought back for you.
01:20Oh, saltwater tabby. I just love it.
01:30You are a good sport.
01:34Mrs. Carmichael, I have to hand it to you.
01:44You gentlemen must have had a ball at that convention.
01:48Oh, it was one laugh after the other.
01:51There's nothing dull about bankers once they let their hair down.
01:54Oh, that's the real life of the party was old Teddy here.
02:00Oh, really?
02:02He was a riot.
02:04No kidding.
02:04Oh, in spite of the fact that we had to send for the doctor.
02:09Was he ill?
02:10No, no, no, no.
02:12We couldn't get the lampshade off of his head.
02:18Well, Winfield, Winfield, you promised me you wouldn't say anything about that.
02:23I did not.
02:25Yes, you did.
02:27I promised I wouldn't say anything about Nanette.
02:34Nanette?
02:35Who's Nanette?
02:37Uh, well, Nanette was a young lady who was a member of the Atlantic City Chamber of Commerce.
02:42That's all.
02:46That's all?
02:47Yes, that's all.
02:48Well, Mr. Cheever will verify that.
02:54I promise not to say a thing.
02:56I promise not to say a thing.
02:58When?
03:00Ooh.
03:01Mrs. Carmichael.
03:13Uh, this young lady.
03:15Nanette.
03:18Well, she happened to be seated next to me at this dinner dance, you see.
03:23Uh, we dined together.
03:24Uh, but there were 14 other people at the table.
03:2714.
03:28Uh, and then we did dance together once.
03:31Once.
03:31And being a gentleman, I offered to take her home.
03:33And I, I had my cab drop her at her apartment, then take me to my hotel.
03:37Well, and that was all.
03:46Well, Mr. Mooney, why are you giving me this big explanation?
03:50I'm not your wife.
03:51Well, I know, but in case my wife does hear about it, I want to have one good rehearsal under my belt.
04:00Well, I would certainly believe you.
04:03Oh, thank you.
04:06Mr. Mooney?
04:07Yes?
04:08Telegram for you, sir.
04:09Oh, thank you.
04:11Oh, there we are.
04:12Right here.
04:15Ooh, gee, gee, gee, shh.
04:17Oh, no!
04:19Huh?
04:21Read that.
04:23Arriving airport 12 noon will come directly to bank.
04:27Love, Nanette.
04:30Love, Nanette?
04:32Um, well, what I didn't tell you, Mrs. Carmichael,
04:37is that the young lady seemed to be infatuated with me.
04:42Oh?
04:42Oh, well, not that I gave her any reason to assume such a relationship.
04:48Oh, no, no.
04:48It's just that she happens to be a romanticist at heart, and she's extremely, oh, imaginative.
04:55But what you just told me sounded so platonic.
05:00Oh, it was, it was.
05:01As far as I was concerned, it was, yes.
05:04But you see, after the dinner dance, she insisted on showing me the, the cultural aspects of the city, see?
05:10Did you know that Atlantic City has a world-famous museum?
05:16No.
05:17Well, it happens.
05:23Anyway, it was closed.
05:24So, uh, so we went to a discotheque.
05:30Hey, this is building.
05:33You and your date went swinging at a discotheque, huh?
05:36Well, I, I, I must say that we, we did make quite an impression on those kids.
05:42You did?
05:43Yeah, yeah.
05:44I don't think they'd ever seen a waltz before.
05:46No, probably not.
05:50Did you, uh, did you go any other place?
05:53Uh, oh, yes, yes.
05:54We went to a, a pizza parlor.
05:56A pizza parlor.
05:57And then I dropped her off at her apartment, and that, that was it.
06:03Well, it seems to me that an innocent evening like that would not encourage a girl to fall in love with you.
06:09No.
06:13Uh, well.
06:14Uh, perhaps, perhaps I did, uh, commit one slight indiscretion.
06:21What was that?
06:21Yeah, but, uh, when the, when the cab pulled up at her apartment house, I, I, I did let her kiss me goodnight.
06:32You let her kiss you?
06:34Well, well, I had to.
06:35She wouldn't get out of the cab.
06:37Oh, I was under terrific pressure.
06:39Pressure?
06:40Yes.
06:41Yes, the meter was running.
06:44Oh, I tell you, she must have kissed me at least 40 cents worth.
06:49Wow.
06:50Ah.
06:51Well, she ought to be here pretty soon.
06:53I just can't wait to see what she looks like.
06:56There'll be no seeing what she looks like.
06:58Oh, no, Mr. Monty.
06:59Now, Mrs. Carmichael, you take your lunch break right now.
07:01Well, I'm not going to go to lunch today.
07:03I have a lunch.
07:03On second thought, on second thought, take the rest of the day off.
07:05I don't want to.
07:06Oh, you do that, Mrs. Carmichael.
07:08I have to get these reports over to Mr. Cheever.
07:10And when I get back, I want you to be gone.
07:12Do you understand?
07:14Yes, sir.
07:15Good.
07:15Good.
07:15Good.
07:16Good.
07:17Good.
07:18Good.
07:19Good.
07:20Good.
07:21Good.
07:22Good.
07:23Good.
07:24Good.
07:25Good.
07:26Good.
07:27Good.
07:28Good.
07:29Good.
07:30Good.
07:31Good.
07:32Good.
07:33Good.
07:34Good.
07:35Good.
07:36Good.
07:37Good.
07:38Good.
07:39Good.
07:40Good.
07:41Good.
07:42Good.
07:43Good.
07:44This is how, Michael, I thought I told you to do this.
08:14I'll be seeing you. I mean, so long.
08:44Oh, Tessie, baby, you're so demonstrative, so uninhibited, so, so...
08:59Oh, Tessie, baby, I can't tell you how glad I am. You're so happy to see me.
09:09What brings you to California?
09:21Wings of love. I just couldn't bear being away from you.
09:25Nanette, Nanette, Nanette, there's been a slight misunderstanding here.
09:31Oh, we'd better have a talk.
09:33Oh, hey. I don't want you to sit down.
09:36I... No, not here!
09:40You better, please.
09:42Oh.
09:46Now.
09:49Nanette, I, uh, I'm very concerned about this infatuation.
09:56Infatuation?
09:57The fact that you seem to be in love with me.
10:01But that isn't important, Tedzie baby.
10:05Oh, it isn't?
10:06No, the important thing is that you're in love with me.
10:11I am?
10:13Of course you are, darling.
10:15A woman has a way of knowing things like that.
10:18Like that time in the pizza party.
10:21When you were so romantic.
10:24Romantic?
10:25I was very reserved.
10:27As a matter of fact, I distinctly recall ordering separate checks.
10:33That's what I love about you, Ted.
10:35You don't try to obligate a girl.
10:38No.
10:40Well, now, Nanette.
10:49Nanette, you seem to be reading meanings into things that simply don't exist.
10:55Oh, but, Tedzie baby, you remember our little talk on a boardwalk?
11:01A man has to really care about a girl to discuss things that are so, oh, intimate and personal.
11:08What, what, what, what did I say that was intimate?
11:13Well, for one thing, you said your wife didn't understand you.
11:16Oh, you called that intimate?
11:20I tell everybody my wife doesn't understand me.
11:23I even tell my wife she doesn't understand me.
11:26What, what, what, what, what do you mean by that?
11:34Well, when a man is in love with somebody else, his wife should be the first to know.
11:41Oh, well, I'm not in love with anybody.
11:43You're going to discuss this with my wife!
11:46Oh, Tedzie, baby, we're in love.
11:50Don't fight it.
11:51This is bigger than both of us.
11:53So is my wife bigger than both of us.
11:59Tedzie, yours seems to me like it's a one-sided marriage.
12:04Marriage is supposed to be a two-way street.
12:07Well, mine happens to be a freeway with no off-ramp.
12:13Now, look, Nanette, I'm trying to tell you that I'm not in love with you.
12:19Oh, you're not trying to tell me, Tedzie, baby.
12:23You're trying to tell yourself.
12:26I know you'll never forget that magic moment in Atlantic City.
12:37What magic moment?
12:41In the taxi cab when you kissed me?
12:46Oh, no, no, you, you kissed me.
12:49Oh, all I know is when I was in your arms, your heart was pounding like a drum.
12:54Well, of course it was pounding.
12:55The meter was still running.
12:58Oh, Nanette, now, please.
13:01Nanette, let's, let's try to be sensible.
13:03Please, Nanette, just, now, look, I'm willing to watch those hands.
13:08Oh, Nanette, just don't do something that's going to cause a lot of people unhappiness.
13:15Oh, Tedzie, baby.
13:22Oh, Nanette, excuse me, just a moment.
13:26Don't leave me.
13:27No, no, you wait right there.
13:28I'll be right back.
13:29Don't leave me.
13:31Right back.
13:31I thought I told you to get lost.
14:00You ought to be glad I was here.
14:02At least you have one witness that knows that you were a perfect gentleman.
14:05What good is a witness if she goes and talks to my wife?
14:09Now, it's a good thing Mrs. Mooney's out of town.
14:11She's out of town today, but she'll be back tomorrow.
14:14And I am in big trouble, and I am perfectly innocent.
14:17Oh, why?
14:18Why was I born with this irresistible child?
14:26Well, I haven't got the answer to that.
14:28But I have got an idea.
14:30What?
14:32Now, listen.
14:33Yeah?
14:34As long as this poor soul insists on making a soap opera out of this, maybe I could be your wife.
14:42You could what?
14:42I could be your wife.
14:44And then you let her go over to your house, and I'll say I'm Mrs. Mooney, and I'll get rid of her.
14:50Say, that might be the answer.
14:52Now, look, you didn't tell her what Mrs. Mooney looks like, did you?
14:55Yes.
14:56Yes.
14:56But fortunately, nobody ever believes me.
15:13Well, I look like Mrs. Mooney.
15:15Yeah.
15:19When she was sweet 16.
15:21Oh, she's here.
15:26She's here.
15:27She's here.
15:28Just remember, before you make your interest, give me plenty of time to convince her what a miserable rat you are.
15:35Now, go ahead, Mr. Mooney.
15:37Well, all right.
15:37Oh, wait a minute.
15:38What?
15:38I can't call you Mr. Mooney.
15:39What does your wife call you?
15:41You can't call me that, either.
15:51Oh, um, excuse me.
16:00Is Mrs. Mooney at home?
16:02I'm Mrs. Mooney.
16:05You are?
16:07Yep.
16:08Have been for 30 years, seven months, three weeks, two days, four hours and 27 glorious minutes.
16:20Well, my name is Nanette Johnson.
16:23And you came to see me by my husband.
16:26How did you know?
16:28Oh, well, it's the same old story.
16:31Another convention, Atlantic City.
16:34That's where I met him.
16:35On the boardwalk?
16:36No, under the boardwalk.
16:42Oh, boy, the price I pay for being married to a man as attractive as my Theodore.
16:49After every convention, there's always another poor butterfly like you flitting around.
16:56Mrs. Mooney, now, please understand.
16:58I am not a designing woman.
17:01I didn't intend to fall in love with your husband.
17:04It just all started out so innocently.
17:06Yeah, it always does.
17:08I first realized that I cared for Teddy when I was in his arms and we were dancing.
17:14Oh, he waltzes divinely.
17:17Yeah, he waltzes no matter what the band is playing.
17:22Oh, what's wrong?
17:24Oh, I keep forgetting about my injury.
17:26I'm just recovering from a broken collarbone.
17:29But how did it happen?
17:30Oh, one morning his coffee was cold.
17:34You mean he beats you?
17:36Oh, no.
17:37Just gives me a little karate chop now and then.
17:41But I just can't believe that my, my Tudsy baby could do anything violent.
17:47Was, was it in the heat of an argument?
17:49Oh, no, Theodore's too much of a gentleman to argue in front of the children.
17:55He, uh, he waits till they're not looking and then pow.
18:01Did, did you say children?
18:05Oh, didn't he mention the children?
18:08No.
18:09How can you forget 12 kids?
18:1112?
18:16Yeah.
18:18Well, Mrs. Mooney, if he's such a monster, why don't you leave him?
18:22Oh, that would be the coward's way out.
18:26Besides, it wouldn't be fair to a girl like you.
18:29I don't think you could take a karate chop.
18:31Oh, that must be Tudsy baby chopping at the door now.
18:42Look, if you don't believe me, why don't you hide behind that curtain and see what life with Tudsy baby is really like?
18:49When a woman loves a man, she doesn't spy on him.
18:53Oh, yes, we do. Come on.
18:57Get in there and hide.
18:59Hide.
19:01What took you so long to answer the door?
19:06I'm sorry, dear.
19:07Oh, stop whimpering.
19:10Oh, dear, I'll get you your pipe and slippers.
19:12And stop nagging.
19:15I'll help you.
19:16Oh, and will you stop getting your paws all over me?
19:23Oh, dear, door, you've got jelly on your brand new shirt.
19:27That's lipstick.
19:28Oh, how careless of me.
19:30It's not yours.
19:32Oh, thank goodness.
19:35Thank goodness.
19:36If it was mine, I'd never forgive myself.
19:38If it was yours, I'd never forgive myself.
19:42Oh, Theodore, you're so masterful.
19:44You give me goosebumps.
19:47It'd look better on a goose.
19:48Oh, thank you.
19:53Oh, Theodore, you remembered my birthday.
19:57I did not.
19:59Huh?
19:59This is a little gift I brought home for Duke.
20:02A dog?
20:03Yes.
20:04A vitamin-packed dog biscuit.
20:06Huh.
20:07Where is my doggie?
20:10Well, I dropped him off at the vets to be shampooed and trimmed, and he'll be ready tomorrow.
20:15What?
20:16How could you?
20:18You know I hate to come home to an empty house.
20:24Well, I was hoping you might like to be alone with me on my birthday.
20:28Yeah.
20:29Well, why do you have to be so irritable?
20:35Because after a hard day's work, I like to see my dog.
20:41You know how I like to work out with Duke before dinner.
20:46Well, I'll work out with you.
20:48All right.
20:55Well, don't just stand there, heel.
20:58All right.
21:02There we are.
21:03There.
21:04That's a good dog.
21:05Good dog.
21:05Steady.
21:05Steady, Duke.
21:06Steady.
21:06Steady.
21:07All right.
21:07Now we're going to shake hands.
21:09Give me a paw.
21:10Come on.
21:10Give me a paw.
21:11Give me a paw.
21:11Give me a paw, Duke.
21:13Very good dog.
21:15Very good.
21:16That's very good.
21:17Oh, that was very good.
21:22All right.
21:23Now, Duke.
21:23Duke.
21:24Now, speak.
21:26Speak!
21:27Hello.
21:28Speak dog!
21:32Speak dog!
21:33Ow!
21:34Ow!
21:35Ow!
21:35Dude!
21:36Ow!
21:36Ow!
21:37Good, good.
21:38Good, Duke.
21:39That was very good.
21:41You are very...
21:41Oh, really?
21:43All right.
21:44Now, now, now, now.
21:45Get outside.
21:46Keep, keep.
21:47Get in.
21:48Get in.
21:49Ow!
21:49Ow!
21:49Ow!
21:50Ow!
21:51Lie down, Duke.
21:52Lie down.
21:52Lie down.
21:54Roll over.
21:55Roll over.
21:56Roll over.
21:57Now, that was very good.
22:01You are very good.
22:02You are very good.
22:02Yes, you are.
22:04Now, Duke.
22:04Now, now, now, now, stay.
22:06Oh, stay.
22:07Stay, Duke.
22:08Stay.
22:08Ow!
22:09Stay.
22:09Now.
22:10Ow!
22:10Ow!
22:11Now.
22:13Oh, I knew this would get you.
22:15I knew.
22:16All right.
22:17All right.
22:17Now, pay attention.
22:20Pay attention, Duke.
22:20Duke.
22:21Duke.
22:22Duke.
22:22Watch.
22:23Watch.
22:23Watch the ball.
22:24Get the ball.
22:27Get the ball.
22:28Duke.
22:31Give it back.
22:32It was very good.
22:35Oh, that was very good.
22:39All right.
22:40Now.
22:40Sit up.
22:41Sit up.
22:41Sit up.
22:42Hold it.
22:42Now, Duke.
22:42Hold it.
22:43That's good.
22:44I'm going to give you a little reward.
22:46All right.
22:47Now, now, now.
22:47Don't get in.
22:48All right, Duke.
22:49All right.
22:50Now.
22:52All right.
22:53Now, hold your head up.
22:54You know how we do this now, Duke.
22:56There we are.
22:58There.
22:58Steady.
22:59Steady.
23:01Now.
23:02Eat it.
23:07Eat the biscuit.
23:10Do I got to eat it?
23:11Yes, you have to eat it.
23:13Of course you have to eat it.
23:14Now, Duke, you know very well you have to eat it.
23:16Well, it's hard.
23:17I'll break all my teeth.
23:18I don't care about that.
23:19Your teeth don't really hate.
23:21You'll just eat it.
23:21Eat it.
23:22Come on.
23:22Eat it.
23:31Is there a more rat?
23:36Ow.
23:41Why, Peter.
23:42You dog, Peter.
23:44Oh, Mrs. Booney, if you ever needed a witness in court,
23:47but I'll certainly be glad to oblige.
23:51A convention, Casanova?
24:03Well, it worked.
24:05Yeah. Yeah, it worked. We got rid of her.
24:10Hi. Hey, Mrs. Carmichael.
24:14What?
24:14You know, that biting wasn't part of our act.
24:18Oh, I'm sorry about that, Chief, but I got you out of the jam.
24:22Yeah, you got me out of that one and into another one.
24:25What do you mean?
24:26How, uh, how am I going to explain those teeth marks to Irma?
24:34Well, tell her your dog did it.
24:36Oh.
24:37What?
24:38We don't have a dog.
24:41No, she wouldn't believe that in a million years.
24:44No.
24:47The Lucy Show.
24:51The Lucy Show.
24:52The Lucy Show.
24:53The Lucy Show.
24:54The Lucy Show.
24:55The Lucy Show.
25:15The Lucy Show.