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00:00The Lucy Show
00:12Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Here you are, sir.
00:50Gladys, how much is 17 and 14?
00:5331.
00:55And how much is 26 and 35?
00:5861.
00:58And how much is 30?
01:00Lucy, if you have so much trouble adding figures, why don't you learn to use the tabulator?
01:05Quiet.
01:06I don't want them to think that I can be replaced by a machine.
01:22I'd, uh, I'd like to cash this check, please.
01:25Yes, sir.
01:27Sid Caesar!
01:28Oh, I can't believe it!
01:30Look who you are!
01:34That's me, all right.
01:35Oh!
01:36Oh, well, this is quite a thrill.
01:38You certainly know how to make people feel welcome.
01:41Oh, well, I've always wanted to meet you, Mr. Caesar.
01:44Oh, may I have your autograph?
01:46Certainly, thank you.
01:47Oh, you know, whenever you're on television, I turn my set off and go next door.
01:52You what?
01:54My girlfriend has a color set.
01:56Oh.
01:56Oh, I'm so thrilled.
01:59Oh, thank you.
02:00I can't believe this.
02:01Now, uh, please, the check, please.
02:03Oh, oh, yes, sir.
02:04Yes, sir.
02:05Uh, a thousand dollars.
02:07Uh, yes, sir.
02:09A thousand dollars.
02:11A man cannot live by bread alone.
02:13Oh!
02:18Oh, that's funny.
02:21Yes, sir.
02:22You want, you want a thousand dollars?
02:25Yeah, well, uh, could I give you a thousand dollar bill?
02:28Well, that's not really very wieldy, you know what I mean?
02:30Oh, well, how about, um, ten, one hundred dollar bills?
02:34No, you see, I'd rather have, uh, smaller bills, say, uh, some fifties and twenties and
02:37tens and fives.
02:39Oh, I, I, I have to add a fifties, twenties, tens and fives, so it comes out exactly a thousand,
02:44huh?
02:46Well, uh, let's see.
02:50Oh, I tell you what, I'll put this right up here and you just pick out what you want.
02:54And those, uh, those fifties look delicious.
03:01I'll have a dozen of those.
03:03And let me have, uh, ten of those pretty green twenties with the mid cents.
03:08Ten to twenty.
03:09And I'd like, um, those tens look nice and fresh.
03:12I'll have ten tens.
03:13Ten?
03:13Ten.
03:14Yes, sir.
03:15And give me a dozen and a half of those crisp, nice, five little bits.
03:19A dozen and a half?
03:21Uh, five, uh, a dozen and a half.
03:24Well, if it doesn't, oh, that's sad.
03:33There, now how much is that?
03:35That's nine hundred and ninety dollars.
03:36Nine hundred and ninety dollars?
03:38Yes.
03:38Oh, well, you, uh, you have, you have ten more dollars coming.
03:41Yes, uh, I'll, uh, let me have ten old itsy-bitsy singles.
03:44Oh, some itsy-bitsy singles.
03:47All right, there you are, ten little itsy-bitsys, one thousand dollars.
03:52There you are.
03:52And here we are.
03:53Here's, here's ten dollars for yourself, eh?
03:56Oh, no!
03:57Oh, now, you go buy yourself a pair of stockings.
03:58Oh, I couldn't.
04:00I insist.
04:01Oh, well, now, you really are so generous.
04:05Easy come, easy go.
04:08Well, thank you.
04:10Did you see who that was?
04:12Yeah.
04:12Oh, I gotta go tell Mr. Mooney I met Sid Caesar.
04:14Put the money away, will you?
04:16Mr. Caesar, I assure you, the bank will do everything possible to prevent that forger from cashing any more checks on your account.
04:24Well, I should hope so.
04:25Well, now, eh...
04:27Mr. Mooney, guess what?
04:28Please, Mr. Carmine, I'm busy.
04:29But this is important.
04:31Guess who I just cashed a check for?
04:33In person.
04:35Whom?
04:35Sid Caesar.
04:38Oh, no!
04:39Yeah!
04:40You cashed a check for Sid Caesar?
04:42Yes, and you should have seen him.
04:44He's a do...
04:45Who are you?
04:48Who do you think he is, you nincompoop?
04:51I'm Sid Caesar.
04:53But if you're Sid Caesar, who is that man?
04:57That man was an imposter, a forger.
05:01Oh, but he seems so nice.
05:04He even gave me his autograph.
05:06I mean, your autograph.
05:08He gives out lots of autographs.
05:09And on checks.
05:10And my checks.
05:11How much was this one for?
05:15$1,000.
05:16That's good.
05:17Oh, can I get you a glass of water?
05:19Better make it a bucket.
05:20I think I'll drown myself.
05:23Mrs. Carmichael, when you cash a check,
05:25don't you ever ask for identification?
05:28Well, certainly, but who doesn't know Sid Caesar?
05:30You didn't!
05:32Oh, now, it wasn't my fault.
05:34He was so much like you, Mr. Caesar.
05:37What, your looks, your physique,
05:39even your personality.
05:41Can't understand it.
05:43How can a man with so much going for him turn to crime?
05:49I mean, look at these checks.
05:51He's forged.
05:52$600, $1,100, now $1,000.
05:55I mean, I wish I could afford to live like that.
05:57Yeah, me too.
05:58He sure must be a big spender.
06:00He even gave me $10 and told me to buy myself some stockings.
06:03Oh, fine.
06:05Now he's a big tipper.
06:07With my money.
06:09I mean, with Mr. Mooney's money.
06:11Mr. Mooney's money?
06:13It so happens the bank has to make good on those forgeries.
06:17Oh, well, then thank you for my stockings, Mr. Mooney's money.
06:22Why don't you be quiet?
06:24I've got to figure out how we can catch that criminal.
06:28Yes, sir.
06:30Oh, I have an idea how we could tell the forger from Mr. Caesar.
06:34How?
06:35Well, look, when you come in to cash a check,
06:37we could have a little signal.
06:39You could go like this.
06:41See, and then I'll know it's really you.
06:44Mrs. Carmichael!
06:45You cannot ask a big star like Sid Caesar
06:48to go around making ridiculous gestures like this in a public place.
06:52Oh, now, no, Mr. Mooney.
06:53You did it wrong.
06:54It's with a thumb under.
06:57She's right, Mr. Mooney.
06:58Most people go like this, with a thumb out.
07:00But with a thumb in, it's a good signal.
07:03The RAF used to use it a lot.
07:04The RAF?
07:06Well, they made a drop.
07:07They always went like this.
07:08I didn't know that.
07:09Oh, yes.
07:10Oh, I thought I just made that up.
07:12Well, from now on, this will be our signal, all right?
07:14Okay, okay.
07:15Goodbye, Mrs. Carmichael.
07:16Goodbye.
07:17Goodbye, Mr. Mooney.
07:18No, no, no.
07:19Good, I'll go back.
07:21What?
07:22You're doing the thumb out.
07:23Thumb under.
07:23Thumb under.
07:24And that.
07:25And then with your fingers.
07:26There you go.
07:26See, wait for your fingers.
07:27Wait for your fingers.
07:36Thank you, Mr. Mansbridge.
07:40Good morning.
07:48Oh, good morning, Mr. Caesar.
07:51I'd like to cash this check, please.
07:52Uh, yes, sir.
07:56You forgot something.
07:57Uh, like what?
08:02Our secret signal, so I'll know it's you and not the forger, remember?
08:08Oh, yes.
08:10That's right.
08:10Oh, I remember it.
08:11Yes.
08:12Now, would you mind cashing the check now, please?
08:14Uh, uh, Mr. Caesar, I hope you won't resent this,
08:19but on account of your forgetting our little signal
08:21and, and just for your own protection to make sure that you're really you,
08:26uh, would you do me a favor?
08:29Uh, like what?
08:30Well, uh, I saw you in that show, Little Me,
08:33and, and you know the song that you sang to the girl in the second act?
08:37Oh, yes, yes.
08:38I remember.
08:38Yes.
08:38Yeah, well, would you mind doing it for me?
08:41Well, you see, in the show, I, uh, I did it with a girl,
08:44and it's very difficult to do it without a girl.
08:46Well, I'd be very happy to help you.
08:47Oh, well, uh, you see, in the show, it went, uh, something like, like this, uh, um,
08:56Pardon me, miss, but I've never done this
09:00With a real white girl
09:03That's a song, that's it.
09:04Straight off the farm
09:06With an actual arm full of real white girl
09:10Pardon me if your affectionate squeeze
09:15Fogs up my glasses and buckles my knees
09:20I'm simply drowned in the sight and the sound and the scent
09:25And the feel of a real white girl
09:33Oh, that's just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful
09:40Well, I, I hope you, uh, you, you weren't offended, Mr. Caesar
09:44But I just wanted to make sure it was you, you know
09:46It's my pleasure, and with your brilliant mind
09:48I know we're gonna catch that for you
09:50Oh, well, I certainly hope so
09:53There you are, sir, $1,000
09:55Thank you, goodbye
09:56Goodbye
09:57Well, what, uh, what was that little routine all about?
10:05Well, I just wanted to make sure that that was really Mr. Caesar
10:08So I made him sing a song from the show he was in
10:11Oh, that was very smart
10:12May I see the check, please?
10:13Yes, sir
10:13Oh, yes, yes, that's Mr. Caesar's signature, all right
10:17You know, I really don't know how you can tell the difference
10:20That forger's so good
10:21Well, when you've been around banking as long as I have
10:24You've developed a sort of know-how about those things of cunning, you know
10:28You really are very shrewd
10:30Oh, well, thank you very much
10:32I'm glad you noticed that
10:33Oh, Mr. Mooney, it's the imposter
10:35Now, I'll detain him, you get the security officer
10:39Oh, Mr. Caesar, how nice to see you
10:46And what can I do for you today?
10:49Uh, well, first of all, I would like to have this, uh
10:52If, uh, you would like to have this
10:53Hey, there he is, there he is
10:54All right, buddy, just come along, quietly
10:56What's going on here? I'm Sid Caesar
10:58Oh, no, no, no, the real Sid Caesar just left here
11:02Yeah
11:02But I am Sid Caesar
11:03I have identification
11:04Look out, he's going, look out
11:05Oh, no, no, no, no, no
11:08Just keep your hands up
11:10Now, get over there to that counter
11:12Put your hands on the counter and leave
11:14No, I'm telling you, I'm Sid Caesar
11:16Look, look inside my coat pocket
11:17My coat pocket, look inside
11:19All right, oh, here, here
11:21Miss Mooney, you keep him covered when I press it
11:23Now, just keep him covered
11:25You stop the room there there
11:29That's very ticklish
11:33All right, easy now, easy
11:35Uh-oh
11:38Miss Mooney
11:40What is it?
11:41Some checks made out to Mr. Caesar
11:43And a deposit slip
11:44Now, would a forger be putting money into a bank?
11:49Oh, I'm terribly sorry
11:51Well, you should be
11:53I've never been so humiliated in all my life
11:55Oh, well, this was a mistake so easily made
11:58That man looks so much like you
12:01Then maybe I should try to find a banker
12:03Who isn't so fooled by every pretty face that comes along
12:06Oh, this is all yours
12:12Don't shoot, Mr. Mooney, don't shoot
12:15Fire me, take away my sick leave, but don't shoot
12:18Now, Mr. Mooney, please, give me the gun
12:21Oh, please, just one little shot
12:23I'll clean up the mess, really
12:27No, I'll be all right if she keeps out of my way
12:35You, stay away from the bank
12:38Stay away from me, out of my sight
12:40Stay away from the bank
12:41Oh, Mr. Mooney
12:42What now, what now?
12:43You've just given me a wonderful idea
12:45Where's that gun?
12:47Listen, if Mr. Caesar would stay away from the bank
12:50Just for a little while and not cash any more checks
12:53Then if that crook comes in the bank
12:55We'll know that he's the forger
12:57It sounds like a good idea, Mr. Mooney
12:59Well, I don't know
13:00It's brilliant, it's absolutely brilliant
13:02It's even better than this
13:03Oh, anything's better than this
13:06Okay, Charlie, ten to win on Crystal Princess in a fifth
13:14You've got a best
13:15Hiya, Rocky
13:18Well, if it ain't my old pal Frankie the Forger
13:20How's the action?
13:22I'm still writing fiction
13:23Boy, you sure got a good racket going for you
13:27A bank account like Sid Caesar's to write checks on, huh?
13:30It ain't as soft a touch as they think it is
13:32You know, I happen to go around looking like the guy
13:34Acting like him, talking like him
13:36And today I even had to sing like him
13:39And that ain't easy for a guy with a nice voice like I got
13:41You know what I mean?
13:43Would you care for some lunch, boss?
13:45Yeah, I tell you what I'm gonna have
13:46I'm gonna have the knockwurst and sauerkraut
13:47And some of those nice crispy brown mayonnaise potatoes
13:50How about you, Frankie?
13:51I can recommend the knockwurst
13:53Yeah, yeah, well, uh
13:55No, no thanks
13:56Caesar's still on a diet, and I'll
13:58I'll take my usual
13:59Not as cheese and skim milk
14:01Not as cheese?
14:04I didn't mind looking like Caesar, you know, years ago
14:08But since he's been on our diet, it's been killing me
14:10I liked him better when he was a big fat slob, you know
14:13How long it's been since I've seen a pizza
14:17Or a lasagna
14:18Or a banana split
14:20Or a strawberry shortcake
14:21And it ain't bad enough
14:23He ain't wants to be thin
14:23But dig this crazy hairdo
14:25In the old days
14:27I used to walk into a nightclub
14:28The girls in the chorus would wink at me, huh?
14:30You know who winks at me now?
14:32The boys in the chorus
14:33Here you are, boss
14:35Knockwurst and sauerkraut
14:37With mayonnaise potatoes
14:39And for you, Frankie
14:41Cottage cheese
14:42And skim milk
14:44Oh, that looks great
14:49Mmm
14:50It's delicious
14:51Oh
14:52If he wants to waste the weight of nothing
15:06That's his business
15:06But I can't take it any longer
15:08I can't go on like this
15:09I can't hit him
15:09Give me Frankie
15:12Frankie
15:13You can't quit now
15:16You're in your prime
15:18I know what I'm gonna do
15:26Tomorrow
15:27I'm going to that bank
15:29And lay a big one on him
15:30I'm gonna forge one
15:32For 10,000 bucks
15:3310,000?
15:34Yeah
15:34Then you know what I'm gonna do?
15:35A what?
15:36I'm gonna take a trip to Europe
15:37Hit all those famous restaurants
15:39And eat everything in sight
15:40Yeah, you remember the
15:41The way I used to eat
15:42In the old days
15:43Boy, do I
15:44I was the only guy
15:46You ever saw in a cafeteria
15:47That needed a caddy
15:48Why did I have to look like
15:52Sid Caesar?
15:53Why couldn't I have looked like
15:54Jackie Gleason?
15:55Oh, of course
15:56Yeah, then I can leave everything up
15:59Yeah, okay
16:00Oh, okay
16:02Oh, okay
16:03Let me get a piece of it
16:04Let me get a piece of it
16:04Let me get a piece of it
16:05Control
16:05Oh, Mr. Puget
16:12That payroll we had to handle this morning
16:14Was so heavy
16:15That our cash on hand
16:16Is nearly depleted
16:18Well, call the main branch
16:19And have them send over
16:20$50,000
16:21Yes, sir
16:22Yeah
16:23Now, remember, Mrs. Carmichael
16:25The security officer
16:26And a policeman
16:27Are stationed in my office
16:29Yes, sir
16:29If Frankie the forger
16:30Shows up
16:31You press the intercom button
16:32Three times
16:33Don't worry, sir
16:34Right
16:34Uh-oh
16:35What?
16:35I better start pressing
16:36Good
16:37Catch him passing a bad check
16:39Good morning, Mrs. Carmichael
16:43Oh, good morning, Mr. Caesar
16:45You want to cash a check?
16:47Yes, you see
16:47Last night I got a telegram from Las Vegas
16:49That when he come up
16:50And open up
16:51Oh, I see
16:52Oh, $1,000
16:54Yes, I need some going away money
16:56You know what I mean?
16:56Uh-huh, some going away money
16:58Well, I'd be very glad to oblige
17:00In fact, we've even arranged
17:02A little going away party for you
17:04That's him
17:05That's him
17:05Hey, what's going on?
17:07We finally caught up
17:08With Frankie the forger
17:09Oh, no
17:10Not again
17:11I'm Frankie the forger
17:13I'm Sid Caesar
17:14Oh, no, you're not
17:16The real Mr. Caesar agreed
17:17Not to cash any checks
17:19Until we caught you
17:20I know
17:21But that's what I was trying
17:22To explain to you
17:22When I got home last night
17:23I got a telegram
17:24That tells me
17:25You can tell that story
17:26To the judge
17:26Yeah, come on
17:27Come on, Frankie
17:27Look out
17:27I'm Sid Caesar
17:29Don't you understand
17:30Pardon me, miss
17:31But I've never done this
17:33Come on, we're taking it
17:36I'm sorry
17:36I'm sorry
17:37I'm sorry
17:37Pardon me, miss
17:38And I've never done this
17:39Well, congratulations
17:49Mrs. Carmichael
17:50My idea really worked, didn't it?
17:52It certainly did
17:53You can fool some of the people
17:55All of the time
17:55And you can fool all the people
17:57Some of the time
17:58But you better not fool around with us
17:59That's very good
18:01Very good
18:02And Mrs. Carmichael
18:03As a reward
18:04I would like to take you
18:05To lunch to my club
18:06Lunch at your club?
18:07Yes
18:08Oh, that's wonderful
18:09Oh, thank you
18:10Well, I think you deserve it
18:10You really do
18:11Thank you
18:11Oh, look
18:12Here's the real Mr. Caesar
18:13Why, so is it
18:14Hello, hello
18:16Hello
18:17Hi there
18:18Well, we did it
18:19You, uh
18:21You did what?
18:22We caught Frankie the forger
18:24They took him out just now
18:27Oh, I did?
18:28Yep, my idea really worked
18:30By you agreeing not to cash any checks
18:33The minute he walked in here
18:34We knew who he was
18:35Oh, thank you
18:37Now that Frankie the forger's out of the way
18:39Maybe I can cash a check
18:40Without all this rigmarole going on, huh?
18:42Of course, of course
18:43It's a big one, you know
18:44Well, it's your money
18:45Yeah
18:46You see, I'm leaving on a tour of Europe tomorrow
18:49And I'll need $10,000 out
18:51Oh, uh, $10,000
18:52Well, now, I don't think we have that much cash on hand
18:55Oh, you don't have it, huh?
18:56Well, but we will just as soon as the messenger arrives from our main branch
19:00Well, how long will that take you?
19:01Oh, about an hour
19:02It'll take an hour, huh?
19:04Well, now, you don't have to wait around
19:05But why don't you join us for lunch?
19:09Sure, we can sit over and catch Frankie the forger
19:12Good
19:12Okay
19:12Are you sure they caught us Frankie the forger?
19:15Oh, yeah
19:15And are you sure they put him in jail?
19:17They just waltzed him out of here
19:19Oh, well, then, let's go, shall we?
19:22Oh, wonderful
19:22Well, thank you, Lieutenant
19:36Thank you
19:37Goodbye
19:38What did he say?
19:39Well, Frankie the forger still claims that he's Sid Caesar
19:43Oh, honestly
19:44You know what else?
19:46What?
19:46They let him out on bail
19:48They let him out on bail?
19:50Yep
19:50Out on bail
19:51They let him out on bail
19:53I think that's terrible
19:56The way they let criminals walk around scot-free these days, you know what I mean?
19:59Yeah
19:59I wonder if he paid his bail with a check
20:01Here you are, miss
20:09Chicken conchitora, baked lasagna, and broccoli with hollandaise
20:13Oh, that looks beautiful
20:14And for you, Mr. Mooney, roast turkey with oyster dressing, apple fritters, candy jams, and homemade cornbread
20:22Oh, that looks delicious
20:24This is my favorite
20:25And for your order, sir, cottage cheese and skim milk
20:28Thank you
20:30Is that really all you're going to have?
20:33Yeah
20:33You ought to try this turkey
20:35Oh, now, Mr. Mooney, it's not nice to tempt someone when they're on a diet
20:39Oh, now
20:40Well, cheers
20:41Cheers
20:42Cheers
20:42Oh, this lasagna is the best I have ever tasted
20:52I'm so glad
20:53They do it very well
20:55What do you have?
20:55I have the turkey with the oyster dressing
20:58Oh, I love it
20:58I love what you have
20:59I can't go on like this
21:00Now, Brandon
21:02Get me the police
21:03The police?
21:06What do you want with the police?
21:07I can't stand this any longer
21:08I can't go on like this
21:09I've got to just
21:10Hello, police
21:11I'm in the dining room of the Lafayette Men's Club
21:13Come and get me
21:14This is Frankie the Forger
21:16That's right
21:18Frankie the Forger
21:19You are Frankie the Forger?
21:23Yes
21:23And before the cops get here, I'm going to have some food
21:26Real food
21:27Wait here
21:28Yes, sir
21:28Wait here
21:29Yes, sir
21:29Bring me pork chops
21:30And a squab stuffed with oyster dressing
21:33Then stuff a swab and a turkey
21:35And some lasagna
21:36And black eyed peas
21:38And candy jams
21:39And corn bone
21:40And virginia hams
21:41Hot bread and turnip beans
21:42Fat back and lima beans
21:44And that's what I like about the south
21:45Now, wait a minute
21:51Yes, sir
21:52Yes, sir
21:52Bring me a corned beef sandwich
21:54All fat
21:55Now you're going to see some eating and some food
22:00All right, Frankie, let's go
22:03We just got a call to pick you up
22:05You got here so fast
22:06Well, we were cruising in the neighborhood
22:08But the way they just took my order for lunch
22:10You understand?
22:10Don't worry about your lunch
22:12We'll give you some nice bread and water
22:14Down at the station
22:14Come on
22:15Mrs. Carmichael, do you realize what's happened?
22:33Yes, we finally got Frankie the Forger arrested
22:36We also got Sid Caesar arrested
22:39One of our biggest clients
22:43Oh, no
22:45Yes, that's what we
22:46And another thing
22:46Frankie the Forger
22:47If you try to plead innocent
22:49I'll be there to appear as a witness against you
22:51Take care of my way
22:53How do you do, Mr. Mooney?
22:58How do you do, Miss, uh
22:59Mrs. Carmichael?
23:02Nice to see you
23:03It is?
23:04I, I, I, I, I, I thought you'd be furious
23:07So did I
23:08I just came over to apologize
23:10Apologize?
23:11Of course, it was my fault
23:12I wasn't supposed to cash a check
23:14And I got you all confused
23:15Oh, well, you know
23:17That is awfully nice of you
23:19Isn't that nice of him?
23:21Oh, oh, won't you, won't you join us for lunch?
23:24Yes, please do
23:25Thank you
23:25Oh, yes, please do
23:26Oh, you don't know how relieved we are
23:30Oh, my goodness
23:31Oh, that other fellow
23:32Oh, my goodness
23:33Massive question
23:33How did you catch this Frankie the Forte?
23:35Well, he gave himself up
23:37He said he couldn't stand being on a diet anymore
23:39That's right
23:40Do you know what else he did?
23:41He ran off with my drumstick
23:44Yes
23:44He just grabbed and ran
23:46Like a threw
23:47Well, it serves him right
23:48If there's one thing I can't stand
23:50It's a man who lacks willpower
23:51Me?
23:51I have willpower
23:52Yeah, me too
23:53You know, last year I made up my mind
23:55I wasn't going on any more diets
23:57And I stuck to it
23:58Well, now
24:01Here's the food you ordered, sir
24:02Food?
24:03Yes, sir
24:03Oh, uh, waiter
24:05Mr. Caesar doesn't want that now
24:07He has cottage cheese and skim milk
24:09Oh, thank you
24:09Well
24:10You're not right, a new salad
24:13Give me this here
24:17Look at this food
24:18Oh, my
24:20Look at this here, huh?
24:21Look at that
24:22Oh, boy, it's food
24:29You'll never need this
24:31The Lucy Show
24:50The Lucy Show