"I felt that if I wanted to be successful as a ballet dancer, I needed to be as thin as possible."
After overcoming an eating disorder, this ballerina is fighting to make ballet inclusive to dancers of all shapes and sizes.
After overcoming an eating disorder, this ballerina is fighting to make ballet inclusive to dancers of all shapes and sizes.
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00:00I think ballet can be really toxic for people.
00:06Historically, it has been very white, very thin, very cisgender.
00:18Each day that I put myself out there, it makes it okay for others to put themselves out there
00:23as well.
00:24For others to see themselves seen in the ballet world.
00:27For kids growing up to see someone who looks like me and to feel like maybe they can do
00:32it too.
00:54I didn't see body diversity in the ballet world when I was growing up, which really
00:59contributed a lot to my issues with self-worth as a dancer, to my struggles with body image.
01:04And really, I mean, I didn't see anyone performing on stage when I would go see companies perform.
01:10I didn't see anyone in dance magazines, dance catalogs.
01:18The culture and expectations of the dance world, specifically the ballet world, certainly
01:22contributed to my eating disorder, but definitely wasn't the only cause.
01:27But the culture of ballet, especially with how it idealizes thinness even more severely
01:33than our general culture does, really made me hyper-focus on that because I felt that
01:38if I wanted to be successful as a ballet dancer, I needed to be as thin as possible, especially
01:44as someone who grew up in a slightly larger body.
01:51To truly put my eating disorder behind me, I needed to have some time away from dance.
01:56I needed to have not just the extra time in my week, but I needed that brain space to
02:01reevaluate what I wanted ballet to look like for me.
02:05I needed to reevaluate, you know, was ballet something I really still enjoyed?
02:09Was I doing it because I loved it or was I doing it because I wanted to continue manipulating
02:13my body?
02:14Every day, I post ballet photos and videos on my Instagram and I put myself out there
02:29and celebrate myself for where I'm at, for where my body is, for who I am.
02:35And that can be really scary because while I get a lot of support, I do get hate as well.
02:49It is really for the black sheep of this dance world.
02:53People who may have felt pushed away because of their size, because of their gender, because
02:59of their race, because of their disability, because of their sexual orientation, basically
03:04anyone who has felt that they didn't belong in this classical ballet world, Brian wanted
03:10to make a place where they could be celebrated, where they could be appreciated, where they
03:14could be treated as the professional artists they are.
03:17And with being a virtual company, we can bring our works to people who otherwise might not
03:22be able to have professional ballet in their lives.
03:42I am currently interning at a group practice specializing primarily in treating eating
03:47disorders, body image concerns, and trauma.
03:51And I wanted to specialize in these areas because of my own healing journey, my own
03:55recovery.
03:56The therapists that I've had along the way have been so instrumental in my healing and
04:01they were able to help me tap into my own inner resources.
04:05We just need some guidance in cultivating these resources within ourselves and wanting
04:10to be able to make eating disorder treatment more accessible, wanting to be able to make
04:15it more ethical, wanting to be able to help others in the way that I have been helped.