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00:00:00Yeah, this is an auspicious moment like Robert Oppenheimer or Neil Armstrong
00:00:05We need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event
00:00:10How about die toaster die
00:00:14That'll do it
00:00:30All right, what's next no, I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight and do laundry
00:00:47Stu the cockatoo is new at the zoo
00:00:52Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana
00:00:56With her husband and best friend mark and their cockatoos, too
00:01:03Probably makes her an expert in making friends. Wouldn't you agree? I don't like birds. They scare me you me too
00:01:12Most people don't see it
00:01:17What are you reading curious George, oh I do like monkeys curious George's monkey
00:01:24Somewhat anthropomorphize, but yes
00:01:28Say
00:01:30Maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together. Would you like that? Okay
00:01:35Sheldon what are you doing?
00:01:37I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name? Rebecca? Hi, Rebecca. I'm your new friend Sheldon Diana. Let's go
00:01:46We're really hitting it all don't look up those cameras. Oh
00:01:49Oh
00:01:51Boy
00:01:54What I can't comment without violating our agreement that I not criticize your work
00:02:01Then what was oh boy great restraint on my part
00:02:06There's nothing wrong with the science here perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science
00:02:20Okay, how's that you actually had it right in the first place
00:02:25Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks
00:02:30Bazinga
00:02:36Well now here's a peculiar email
00:02:38The president of the University wants me to meet him at his office tomorrow morning at 8 a.m
00:02:43Why doesn't say must be an emergency?
00:02:46Everyone at the University knows I eat breakfast today and move my bowels at 820
00:02:52Yes, how did we live before Twitter I
00:02:57Guess you'll find out what it is in the morning. That's 14 hours away for the next 840 minutes
00:03:04I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles. I know where I am. I know how fast I'm going, but I can't know both
00:03:09How am I supposed to carry on with this huge annoying thing hovering over my head?
00:03:14Yeah, I know the feeling you begin with you will remove funny bone for $200
00:03:23For this I went to MIT and begin I
00:03:33Think I swallowed something I can't press any of the buttons of my gloves
00:03:44Expected continue. Oh boy. Am I gonna get sued?
00:03:52Gentlemen use your imagination innovate did Han Solo let Luke Skywalker freeze to death on the ice planet of Hoth
00:04:00No, he cut open a tauntaun and use its internal body heat to warm him up
00:04:05You heard the man hold him down and I'll cut him open
00:04:08I
00:04:09Don't possess the tools of leadership, but I don't understand why we can't assemble the equipment inside the hut and then take it outside
00:04:18And thought of that I
00:04:22Guess we're done here. So I heard your relationship with penny crashed the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory
00:04:31Where'd you hear that? Actually, I read it wall. Oh, it's texted me
00:04:35Like blue ice falling out of an airplane laboratory. Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good one. I gave him an LOL
00:04:43Anyway, it got me thinking now that you're unattached maybe we can revisit our previous attachment. Are you suggesting another bout of stress release?
00:04:52No, I'm all done with casual sex from now on. I'm fully committed to the traditional relationship paradigm. Really what changed?
00:04:59It's hard to say
00:05:00I guess it was just a time in every woman's life when she gets tired of waking up on a strange futon with a bunch
00:05:04Of people she doesn't know
00:05:07Yeah, I can see how that would a bunch of people
00:05:10Anyway, I just figure it's time to slow things down and who better to slow things down with than you
00:05:17I'm flattered
00:05:20So, how do you suggest we proceed your place will order Chinese you'll run a movie artsy but accessible then light petting no coitus
00:05:28Sounds fun. I'll leave the details up to you. I think it's better if you assume the male role
00:05:36Thank you, that's very thoughtful
00:05:40Call me
00:05:47When the two of you reach a natural stopping point I'd like to have a word
00:05:52If the word is peepee just do it
00:05:59I
00:06:02Leonard you're my friend and
00:06:04Friends support their friends apparently
00:06:07So I'm withdrawing my objection to your desire to have a relationship with Leslie
00:06:13Thank you. I will graciously overlook the fact that she is an arrogant subpar scientist who actually believes loop quantum gravity better
00:06:21Unites quantum mechanics with general relativity than does string theory
00:06:25You kids have fun
00:06:28Hang on a second
00:06:30Loop quantum gravity clearly offers more testable predictions than string theory. I'm listening amuse me
00:06:37Okay, well for one thing we expect quantized space-time to manifest itself as my new differences in the speed of light for different colors
00:06:44Balderdash matter clearly consists of tiny strings
00:06:49Are you gonna let him talk to me like that
00:06:52I
00:06:56Okay, well there's a lot of merit to both theories no there isn't only loop quantum gravity calculates the entropy of black holes
00:07:06Sheldon don't make that noise. It's disrespectful. I should hope so it was a snort of derision
00:07:13You agree with me right loop quantum gravity is the future of physics
00:07:18Sorry Leslie, I guess I prefer my space stringy not loopy
00:07:22I'm glad I found out the truth about you before this one any further
00:07:27What truth we're talking about untested hypothesis, it's no big deal. Oh, it isn't really tell me Leonard. How will we raise the children I?
00:07:38Guess we wait until they're old enough and let them choose their own theory
00:07:47Where are you going?
00:07:49I'm sorry. I could have accepted our kids being genetically unable to eat ice cream or ever get a good view of a parade
00:07:58But this this is a deal-breaker
00:08:13Look on the bright side
00:08:17What's the bright side only nine more months to comic-con
00:08:23Yeah
00:08:24Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter at Sol's fortress now. This is a long run
00:08:31So let's do another bladder check
00:08:36All right, Barry we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor
00:08:44Sheldor is afk
00:08:48Oh
00:08:51Penny are you experiencing some sort of difficulty? Yes, I can't get my stupid door open
00:08:56You appear to have put your car key in the door lock. Are you aware of that?
00:09:01Yeah, all right, then
00:09:09Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly
00:09:13I can't get the damn key out
00:09:15It's not surprising that Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge mounted cylinders
00:09:20Where is the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system?
00:09:26Thank You Sheldon
00:09:28You're welcome
00:09:30Point of inquiry. Why did you put your car key in the door lock? Why I'll tell you why because today I had an audition
00:09:36It took me two hours to get there
00:09:38I waited an hour for my turn and before I could even start they told me I look to Midwest for the part to Midwest
00:09:44What the hell does that even mean? Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic
00:09:50We have a characteristic face
00:09:55You know, I have been in LA for almost two years now and I haven't got a single acting job
00:09:59I've accomplished nothing haven't gotten a raise at work
00:10:02I haven't even had sex in six months and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I
00:10:08I
00:10:10Actually insects are a dietary staple in many cultures. They're almost pure protein
00:10:16I
00:10:19Believe the condensation on your frozen foods weaken the structural integrity of the bag
00:10:27But returning to your key conundrum
00:10:30Perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you. I did
00:10:33He said he'll get here when he gets here and you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology
00:10:41Frustrated because I am a failure at everything in my breath
00:10:50There there
00:10:52Would
00:10:59You prefer to wait in our apartment no Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three-year-old
00:11:06All right, then
00:11:13Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm
00:11:17I'll be playing host to dr. Elizabeth Plimpton the
00:11:21Cosmological physicist from Princeton. Yes, and until you acquire a surgical mask, please address your comments to me through a napkin
00:11:29We've been corresponding for years about our mutual interest in gravitational wave signatures of inflatons in the early universe
00:11:36And now she's under consideration for a position at our University. Why didn't you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton?
00:11:42I am a huge fan of hers
00:11:44I didn't realize I was obligated to share my connection with things you're a fan of but very well
00:11:49You enjoy Canadian bacon. I've been to Toronto
00:11:53Okay, fine, where is she gonna sleep my room of course, holy crap
00:12:01Holy crap
00:12:03Yeah, I have a two-part question go ahead a are you kidding me and be seriously are you freaking kidding me?
00:12:12Hey, I rarely kid and be when I do kid you will know it by my use of the word bazinga
00:12:19So you're saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed. Yes
00:12:25Bazinga
00:12:27Thank you so much for opening up your home to me
00:12:30Well, who wants to stay in a hotel with windows that don't open those crazy card-shaped keys. I'm so glad you understand
00:12:38No, well, he doesn't understand. I understand. I understand too. You're just misappropriating my understanding
00:12:46I
00:12:48Think any university would want you
00:12:50Except of course any university that had already had you because they would have already wanted you before they you know got you
00:12:58From the mind that brought you high low
00:13:04Let me show you to your room, all right, I guess I am tired. Good night Leonard sleep night
00:13:09I mean obviously good night. I started to say sleep tight, then I changed my mind in the middle
00:13:14I swear to God I'm smart
00:13:20Get it together man. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Enjoying your stay? Yes, very much
00:13:36Okay, well I guess I should get dressed so I can take everyone to work you and Sheldon and Sheldon's friend dr
00:13:42Plimpton who you just met it'd be fun
00:13:44like a clown car
00:13:47Hang on
00:13:50We just broke up well you and me yeah, we did not too long ago. How you doing with it?
00:13:55I'm not as good as you apparently. I don't follow. You know, it's none of my business
00:14:00If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy right after we stop seeing each other go for it. Well, no, excuse me
00:14:08I'm uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with dr. Plimpton who I assure you has better things to do
00:14:15I'm not recommending it. I'm saying it already happened. That's preposterous. Tell her Leonard
00:14:22Well
00:14:27No
00:14:29It wasn't my fault the implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts
00:14:38You know, I'm just gonna take the bus to work I can still drive you no, it's okay
00:14:43You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant
00:14:47No, I must say I'm shocked by this betrayal I didn't betray penny not penny me
00:14:55How am I betraying you Elizabeth's my friend and you're playing with her?
00:14:59Yeah, I guess I did baby doll pink, let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet
00:15:10Let me point out that two degrees can be the difference between water and steam
00:15:17This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement screw the roommate agreement
00:15:22No, you don't screw the roommate agreement the roommate agreement is the temperature you agreed to
00:15:27The roommate agreement the roommate agreement screws you
00:15:33Their thermostat, I don't have to go to hell it's 73 degrees. I'm there already
00:15:42Who is it Leonard hang on
00:15:47Can I sleep on your couch tonight, uh, well you can try but the people across the hall are being very noisy
00:15:54Heard that huh? Apparently the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat then the other fellow went back crap crazy
00:16:02So you agree? He's nuts. Well, not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him believe it or not
00:16:07He was worse when I met him. Oh, I do not believe that
00:16:10Yes, yeah, I'm Leonard Hofstadter I called you about the apartment you said it I know what I said, I know what you said
00:16:16I know what my mother said on March 5th 1992
00:16:21What is the sixth noble gas
00:16:23What you said you're a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas? Uh radon
00:16:29Are you asking me or telling me?
00:16:32I'm asking you
00:16:34What is the sixth noble gas?
00:16:36Radon are you asking me or telling me telling you?
00:16:46Telling you. All right next question Kirk or Picard. Oh
00:16:52That's tricky
00:16:55Original series over next generation but Picard over Kirk
00:16:59correct
00:17:01You've passed the first barrier to roommate hood you may enter
00:17:07This is pretty nice
00:17:17Bedrooms are back there. That depends. I don't understand their their existence is conditional
00:17:23But your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers
00:17:29There's three each more daunting than the last
00:17:34Have a seat, okay
00:17:37No, that's where I sit
00:17:41Explain the couch. Oh, well, there were some people on the first floor moving out and they sold it to me for $100
00:17:46Howard and Raj helped me bring it up. But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
00:17:50their lawn chairs
00:17:53And there was no place for company did it occur to you that was by design
00:17:59According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas
00:18:04But you didn't notify me by email so this is still a breach I
00:18:09Did notify you oh you did did you?
00:18:28Rat
00:18:31Hoisted by my own spam filter
00:18:34What am I doing your spam folder?
00:18:36I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled
00:18:40This is funny mix it in the tow vex in order to create a combustible gel that will generate over 8,000 kilonewtons of thrust
00:18:48Won't work
00:18:50Excuse me. I've been working on this a long time. Trust me. It'll work
00:18:54You don't see your mistake. Do you there's no mistake. This is for a full-scale rocket. Not a model
00:19:01I've adjusted the formula not correctly
00:19:05Okay, I've had it with you
00:19:07You might be an expert on theoretical physics and science fiction programs and where to sit on a freaking couch
00:19:12But this is applied physics and when it comes to applied physics
00:19:19A bad thing a very bad thing get the door get the door get the door get the door
00:19:34Oh
00:19:36Waiting for the elevator
00:19:40Wait, it's you
00:19:46Give me that
00:19:51What'd you do that for I had plenty of time
00:19:59You're welcome. Oh
00:20:02Oh, hi, what's going on? We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon
00:20:09It's pretty cool, we've got a two meter parabolic reflector and everything I thought you might want to see it that makes no sense
00:20:16How can you bounce stuff off the moon there's no gravity
00:20:22Leonard this is Zach Zach Leonard. Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time. Yeah, maybe hey
00:20:27I want to see this laser thing. Oh, what about the party?
00:20:31It's a surprise party doesn't matter when we get there
00:20:45So, how'd you guys meet my company designs the venues for the Cheesecake Factory
00:20:50Your company well my dad, but me my sister of EPS
00:20:56Menus I know it sounds easy, but there's a lot of science that goes into designing
00:21:02There
00:21:05Will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer Raj get them some glasses cool. It's gonna be in 3d
00:21:18Preparing to fire laser at the moon make it so
00:21:22There
00:21:27It is there's the spike 2.5 seconds for the light to return that's the moon
00:21:37That's your big experiment
00:21:39I'll have our line on the screen
00:21:41Yeah, but think about what this represents the fact that we can do
00:21:45This is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon
00:21:50Put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before I've just invented the airplane what species is that I
00:22:00Was wrong penny can do better
00:22:05Yeah, thanks should we invite him to the party no just keep walking
00:22:10He must be very skilled at coitus
00:22:13She can do it I can do it I can't do it
00:22:21Hello
00:22:23Hi Leslie
00:22:26Leonard Hofstadter, what are you doing here? Well, I know it's been a while. Yeah 18 months, right, right
00:22:35How you doing
00:22:38Fine you
00:22:40Not bad
00:22:41You remember when we used to have sex and you said that it didn't mean anything. It was just for fun. Yeah
00:22:48Did you want to do that again
00:22:52What happened blondie dumped you she didn't dump me we were just in different places in the relationship
00:22:58Right. Um, anyway, apparently it's okay to go back to people. You're no longer seeing and have recreational sex with them
00:23:06Uh-huh
00:23:08So, what do you say?
00:23:11Let me think about it
00:23:17She's
00:23:20Not coming back in a few minutes when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise
00:23:25How would you prefer I do it the standard?
00:23:27I told you so with a classic neener neener or just my normal look of haughty derision
00:23:35You don't know we're wrong yet haughty derision it is
00:23:40Excuse me, I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper
00:23:44Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler, I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics
00:23:50Designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely
00:23:53Additionally, I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock
00:23:57If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it
00:24:01If it was literal I share your aversion to soiled hosiery
00:24:05In any case I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year
00:24:10Interesting my mother and I have the same agreement about church
00:24:14I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance
00:24:21Now then you might want to avoid East Texas
00:24:25Noted now before this goes any further. You should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table
00:24:34May I buy you a beverage
00:24:37A cup of water, please
00:24:48Good God, what have we done?
00:24:54I'm a little trouble catching your breath there
00:24:58No, no, I'm good if my PE teachers had told me this is what I was training for I would have tried a lot harder
00:25:07Do or do not there is no try
00:25:13Did you just quote Star Wars I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back oh
00:25:23My god, I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda
00:25:33I
00:25:34Love you, Penny
00:25:46Thank you
00:25:50You're welcome I
00:25:54Just want to put that out there. Oh, yeah, no, I'm I'm glad good. Good. Glad it's good. Yeah
00:26:02No
00:26:05It's
00:26:08Getting pretty late. We should probably go to sleep. Yeah
00:26:14Okay, good night sweetie
00:26:22Hey Leonard, where do you come down on giant ants?
00:26:28Sheldon says impossible Howard and I say not only possible, but as a mode of transportation
00:26:33Way cooler than a Batmobile
00:26:35You are ignoring the square cube law
00:26:38the giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton and for the record the appropriate ranking of cool modes of
00:26:44Transportation is jetpack hoverboard transporter Batmobile and then giant ant
00:26:51Seriously you have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants
00:26:57What's with him perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle
00:27:05Are you saying he's man straightening
00:27:10Not literally
00:27:12As far back as the 17th century scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation in men's hormone levels
00:27:18Interesting that might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month
00:27:23You
00:27:25Know what I'm talking about
00:27:29I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch
00:27:35Wesley crushers don't not the Wesley crushers the Wesley crushers. I
00:27:41Don't get it
00:27:42Wesley crusher was Willow Eaton's character on Star Trek
00:27:45Still don't get it
00:27:47It's a blindingly clever play on words by appropriating his character's name and adding the s we imply that we'll be the crushers of
00:27:55Wesley
00:27:58Okay, I'm sorry honey, but the Wesley crusher sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley crusher, but no again
00:28:03It's not the Wesley crushers. It's the Wesley crushers
00:28:09If you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley it'd be the Wesley crushers
00:28:14Even hear yourself. It's not the Wesley crushers. It's not the Wesley crushers. It's the Wesley crushers
00:28:21Hey look they named their team after me
00:28:25No, it's not never mind
00:28:31After you know after you as we are currently crushing you Wesley
00:28:38It's customary for the player on the right hand lane bowl first, all right
00:28:54It's a custom not a rule I
00:28:56So loathe you
00:28:59That's right Sheldon embrace the dark side
00:29:07That's not even from your franchise damn, they canceled my visa. Oh, yeah a new MasterCard
00:29:19What I was going to get my mail, okay
00:29:25All right, are you hoping to get it telepathically I
00:29:29Think you mean telekinetically
00:29:32and no I
00:29:34Just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus
00:29:39God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other? Well, we could if it were true
00:29:44But as you live in the same building you see each other all the time a variable which has changed is the coitus
00:29:51Okay, here's the protocol you and I are still friends and you stop saying coitus
00:29:57Good. Yeah, I'm glad we're still friends
00:30:00Really? Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain
00:30:08Right just to be clear. Do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you
00:30:15Everyone say hello to your mother for me. Okay
00:30:24What
00:30:26Said you were going for a walk
00:30:29Didn't say outside
00:30:33So what you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs no, of course not that would be odd and suspicious behavior
00:30:44Which way are you going? Which way are you going? I parked my scooter down the block. I'm going the other way. Bye
00:30:53Bye
00:30:55Actually, I'm this way
00:30:58I
00:30:59Smell hot dogs. No, I mean, I have no idea what you smell
00:31:04Definitely smell raw hot dog. Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor
00:31:09Right. Have a nice walk. Bye shall have a nice scoot
00:31:16You might want to stand back I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here
00:31:28Oh
00:31:33Hello doggy nice doggy. I bet you think you smell hot dogs
00:31:49Penny penny
00:31:58Penny
00:32:00Here I
00:32:04Had to trade the others for my life
00:32:10It's 10 o'clock, where have you been we stayed for the California adventure water show it was pure Disney magic I
00:32:18Was gonna see that with him. How was I supposed to know that? It's alright
00:32:22I'll see it again with you and I have food here. You said you were gonna call
00:32:26You know, I know I can still eat. No, you already threw up once go put on your PJs and brush your teeth
00:32:34Okay, but just don't fight we're not fighting just go
00:32:41Aren't you gonna thank penny for taking you to Disneyland Thank You penny
00:32:47You're welcome, sweetie
00:32:50My cup of coffee. Oh, um, I should probably get going. Come on. It's just a cup of coffee
00:32:57Yeah, okay
00:33:05Yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me too
00:33:09What am I smelling?
00:33:11Sheldon's churro on my shoes
00:33:15I've been seeing penny behind your back
00:33:20Okay
00:33:26When you say seeing penny what exactly does that mean
00:33:32We had dinner last night
00:33:33She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it
00:33:37Fine. Why did you have dinner with penny? I told you she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs
00:33:45Then why did you have Chinese food with us?
00:33:48I didn't want to upset you
00:33:50Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money
00:33:59Is it possible he said bros before hoes
00:34:03Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hoes
00:34:07hold
00:34:08What explain your sneeze?
00:34:11I'm sorry. Do you have allergies? No, is there too much pepper on your salad? I don't put pepper on salads
00:34:17I've heard enough sit over there
00:34:20I don't want to sit by myself. That's what typhoid Mary said and clearly her friends buckled
00:34:25Guys, help me Sheldon. Come on. That's just one sneeze. You're on your own. See you, buddy
00:34:34Yes Raj
00:34:36When can I sit with you again?
00:34:38When I've seen two consecutive negative throat cultures spaced 12 hours apart, you know the drill
00:34:43All right, you'll excuse me. I am off to start a prophylactic course of antibiotics. I
00:34:51Can't believe he's friends with Elizabeth Clinton. I can't believe they let him into Canada
00:34:57You heard the man. Where's your throat cultures?
00:35:01Kidding sit down
00:35:08Where's Christine in the shower? Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt yours reaches places that mine just won't
00:35:20You used my loofah more precisely we use your loofah I exfoliated her brains out
00:35:29You can keep that too, ah, well then we'll probably need to talk about your stuffed bear collection
00:35:38In here my lady, hmm, there's my little engine that could
00:35:49Well, there's one beloved children's book I'll never read again, this is Lalita Gupta Lalita
00:35:53This is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny. Isn't it great? She isn't fat anymore
00:36:00Forgive me your highness for I am but a monkey and it is in my nature to climb
00:36:04I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair
00:36:09I'm sorry, you are the living embodiment of the beautiful princess Panchali. Oh
00:36:15No kidding. Oh
00:36:16Who is that a beloved character from an Indian folk tale? Oh
00:36:22Us Indian or come to our casino India
00:36:27You Indian, oh
00:36:29The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair. Oh, thanks. I
00:36:37Imagine you smell very nice too. I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can
00:36:46But you're a dentist he's nuts
00:36:50Don't be insulting Rajesh
00:36:52So Sheldon tell me more about this princess
00:36:55You say I look like it was said that the gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars and that
00:37:01Roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips
00:37:05Well, my back off Sheldon what if you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath
00:37:14Hitting on her and I am NOT your lady and you have no wrath
00:37:21You are my lady our parents said so we are for all intents and purposes 100% hooked up, okay
00:37:26Let's get something straight here. The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case
00:37:31I certainly don't need to be getting this old-world crap from you
00:37:33That's exactly the kind of spirit with which princess Panchali led the monkeys to freedom
00:37:38Princess Panchali, you can't talk to me like that, but you're not princess Panchali luckily for you. She can have you beheaded
00:37:45Sheldon are you hungry? I could eat. Let's go
00:37:53I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to penny. What was I supposed to say?
00:37:58You could have told her the truth that would have hurt her feelings is that a relevant factor
00:38:05Yes
00:38:06Then I suppose you could have agreed to go and what would I have said afterwards?
00:38:11I would suggest something to the effect of singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor
00:38:16Avocation for you
00:38:17And if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a cat scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain. I
00:38:24I
00:38:25Couldn't say that. I would have to say you were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again
00:38:31Why?
00:38:33It's the social protocol. It's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something. They really suck at I
00:38:41Was not aware of that well now you are oh, all right Leonard
00:38:46Yes, when we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can't wait to play you
00:38:54This is amazing just sitting on a couch watching TV with a woman
00:39:01Not being drunk or high or or wondering if you're a dude down there
00:39:08Leo you are a very sweet really funny guy. You're gonna do okay
00:39:15One day at a time penny
00:39:17One day at a time penny
00:39:22One day at a time
00:39:29How long is he going to stay here
00:39:32He's a homeless drug addict Leonard. Where is he going to go? Oh
00:39:36You have a lot to learn about lying
00:39:39Okay, so we now have a socially awkward genius in a room full of attractive age-appropriate women
00:39:44All he has to do now is hook up with one of them
00:39:47I
00:39:54Anyone else see the flaw in this plan
00:39:59Okay, we cannot leave this to chance let's pick a girl and figure out how to get her together with Dennis, okay
00:40:05How about that one?
00:40:07Uh-huh. I know the type cheerleader student council goes out with the jocks won't even look at anybody in the gifted program
00:40:12And if after two years of begging she does agree to go out with you
00:40:15It turns out to be a setup and you're in the backseat of your mom's car with your pants off all the whole football team
00:40:19Laughs at you
00:40:23Are you crying? No, I have allergies
00:40:28Okay, oh hey
00:40:32Sure who wants to spend a couple years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat white Russians
00:40:38You're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you and then
00:40:43She gets in a Cornell because you wrote her essay for her and you drive up to visit her one weekend
00:40:47She acts like she doesn't even know you
00:40:52Okay, so not her either
00:40:54Could I have everyone's attention, please?
00:40:57What a wonderful occasion this is and how fortunate that it should happen to fall on take your daughter to work day
00:41:06We're here to welcome. Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family welcome Dennis Kim
00:41:12Mr. Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stanford University
00:41:17He is also the youngest recipient of the prestigious Stevenson Award youngest till the cyborgs rise up
00:41:26And now without any further ado, let me introduce the man of the hour. Mr. Dennis Kim
00:41:35Dennis Dennis what?
00:41:38Do you like to tell us a little bit about your upcoming research? No, thanks. I'm going to the mall with Emma
00:41:52The kid got a girl
00:41:55Unbelievable did anyone see how he did it?
00:42:00Unbelievable components I built are on the International Space Station and I get a ticket for launching a model rocket in the park
00:42:06I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as it was for you telling the police woman you have to
00:42:11Frisk me. I have another rocket in my pants
00:42:14Hey look at that
00:42:18It's Dennis Kim
00:42:20How I almost didn't recognize him, you know, I kind of feel bad about what we did to him
00:42:29Yeah, we really ruined his life screw him he was weak
00:42:37I'm gonna take him down. He's got you
00:42:42Okay, guys guys some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something
00:42:46It's called tresling it combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport
00:42:53Yeah, that's terrific. But what they want me to ask you is to cut it the hell out
00:42:56We might as well stop it's a stalemate you're beating me in Tetris, but you've got the upper-body strength of a Keebler Elf
00:43:03I go to keep the F right here
00:43:09Okay, it's a stalemate
00:43:11Excuse me. Do you know anything about this stuff? I know everything about this stuff
00:43:16Okay, I have my own wholesale flower shop. I'm a florist. I'm a florist. I'm a florist
00:43:21I'm a florist. I'm a florist. I'm a florist. I'm a florist
00:43:24I have my own wholesale flower business and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance with the one in my
00:43:29Refrigerated warehouse here by this one. Look, it's the one we're getting see happy guy
00:43:34She needs a point-to-point peer network with a range extender. Thank you
00:43:40Which hard drive do I want firewire or USB? It depends on what bus you have available. I
00:43:50Drive a Chevy Cavalier. Oh
00:43:53Dear Lord
00:43:56Now penny this poor man needs me you hold on I'll be right with you
00:44:00What computer do you have and please don't say a white one?
00:44:07Okay, we don't have that in stock
00:44:10But I can special order it for you
00:44:13him
00:44:15Excuse me, sir. You don't work here. Yes. Well, apparently neither does anyone else
00:44:22Sheldon we have to go why well for one thing relate for Leonard's birthday party and for another I told him to call security
00:44:30Good luck
00:44:34By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system
00:44:38One two, three four is not a secure password. The rest of guys meeting us here. Oh, yeah. No
00:44:44It turns out the Rajan Howard had to work and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet
00:44:53Oh my uncle just had a colonoscopy you're kidding. Well did then that's something we have in common
00:45:02We both have people in our lives who want to nip intestinal polyps in the butt
00:45:14So what's new in the world of physics nothing
00:45:22Well
00:45:23With the exception of string theory not much has happened since the 1930s and you can't prove string theory at best
00:45:30You can say hey, look my idea has an internal logical consistency
00:45:38Hey, do you want to see something cool I
00:45:42Can make this olive go into this glass without touching it how physics
00:45:52Wow
00:45:55Centrifugal force actually, it's centripetal force, which is an inward force generated by the glass acting on the olive
00:46:04Excuse me now if you were biting on the olive you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame and would
00:46:14Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay
00:46:17Did you spill ketchup
00:46:19No, I'm not. Okay. All right. I'm moving my infantry division
00:46:24Augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings
00:46:27We flanked the Tennessee Volunteers and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg
00:46:33Not so fast. Remember the South still has two infantry divisions plus Superman and Godzilla
00:46:38No, no, no orcs are magic Superman is vulnerable to magic not to mention you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk
00:46:47Why don't you just have Robert E Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh? Are you guys ready to order? Hang on, honey
00:46:53Shiva and Ganesh the Hindu gods against the entire Union Army and orcs
00:46:59I'll be back
00:47:02Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer when the smoke clears
00:47:05Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps
00:47:09All right. My boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back
00:47:15Hey Leslie careful Leonard liquid nitrogen 320 degrees below zero
00:47:29Why are you smashing a flash-frozen banana because I got a bowl of churros I couldn't find a knife
00:47:36So anyway
00:47:39Hello
00:47:43What are you doing just
00:47:45Extending the intimacy. Hey, do you want to slip over to the radiation lab and share a decontamination shower?
00:47:55Okay, what exactly do you think's going on between us
00:48:00I'm not sure but I think I'm about to discover how the banana felt
00:48:06Listen
00:48:09Leonard neither of us are neuroscientists, but we both understand the biochemistry of sex
00:48:13I mean dopamine in our brains is released across synapses causing pleasure
00:48:16You stick electrodes in a rat's brain give him an orgasm button. He'll push that thing until he starves to death
00:48:25The only difference between us and the rat is that you can't stick an electrode in our hypothalamus that's where you come in
00:48:32Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it
00:48:36So what happens now, well, I don't know about your sex drive, but I'm probably good till New Year's oh
00:48:45Okay, thank you. Thank you
00:48:52You want to make plans for New Year's Oh Leonard, please you're smothering me. See Raj was the Kung Pao chicken. I'm the dumplings
00:48:59Yes, you are
00:49:02Creepy Howard
00:49:04Creepy good or creepy bad
00:49:07Who was the shrimp with lobster sauce that would be me come to Papa you unkoshered delight
00:49:14I'm not necessarily talking to the food
00:49:22Sit over there
00:49:28Sit over there
00:49:34I
00:49:47Had to sanitize my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the restrooms with hot air blowers
00:49:53Oh, I thought the blowers were more sanitary
00:49:57Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence
00:50:02Frankly be more hygienic if they just had a plague infested Gibbon sneeze my hands dry
00:50:07Hey guys, I just got the most amazing
00:50:13Gosh Ross, do you think you'll ever be able to talk in front of me without being drunk?
00:50:19Okay, well I'll just go eat by myself honey, you don't have to do that
00:50:24Oh, it's okay between him not talking him talking and him
00:50:30I'm better off alone
00:50:32Goodbye, you poor strange little man
00:50:39She's so considerate
00:50:41So what's your news? Remember that little planetary object? I spotted beyond the Kuiper belt
00:50:45Oh, yeah, two zero zero eight and two sub seventeen or as I called it planet Bollywood
00:50:51Anyway because of my discovery people magazine is naming me one of the 30 under 32 watch
00:50:56Well
00:51:00Excuse me with 30 what under 30 what to watch what?
00:51:0530 visionaries under 30 years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of the fields
00:51:11Quite a million guesses. I never would have gotten that
00:51:15It's pretty cool
00:51:16They've got me in with a guy who's doing something about hunger in Indonesia and a psychotherapist who's using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners and Ellen
00:51:23Page star of the charming independent film, you know
00:51:27Alright so do her
00:51:31You do the dolphins
00:51:34Do I get an honorable mention for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket you used sorry
00:51:39It's not part of my heartwarming and personal narrative in which a humble boy from New Delhi overcame poverty and prejudice and journey to
00:51:46America to reach for the stars
00:51:49Poverty your father's a gynecologist. He drives a Bentley
00:51:53It's a lease
00:51:58I'm confused
00:51:59Is there some sort of peer review committee to determine which scientists would be included peer review? It's people magazine people picked me
00:52:09What people the people from people?
00:52:13Exactly, who are these people? What are their credentials? How are they qualified?
00:52:17What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years
00:52:23More noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under 30
00:52:28Boy, I bet Ellen Page's friends. I'm giving her this kind of crap
00:52:37You proud of yourself in general, yes, I
00:52:42Just don't see why I need a driver's license Albert Einstein never had a driver's license
00:52:48Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour
00:52:54Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts
00:53:01You know, I gotta ask why don't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else I was otherwise engaged
00:53:08Doing what
00:53:10examining perturbative amplitudes in n equals 4 supersymmetric theories leading to a
00:53:14Re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multi-loop n equals 8 supergravity using modern twist or theory
00:53:24How about when you were 17
00:53:27Take this to the testing area put your name at the top sign the bottom ask the question bring it back next
00:53:32Application
00:53:41I'm actually more of a theorist the application in your hand. Give it to her Oh
00:53:53Take this to the testing area put your name at the top sign the bottom ask the question bring it back next
00:53:58Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions
00:54:03Look at that sign up there. Yes. Does it say I give a damn?
00:54:10No, that's because I don't
00:54:13Just look see this first question makes no sense
00:54:16Look, how many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving? There's no possible way to answer that
00:54:22The car length is not a standardized unit of measure
00:54:27Look at the sign
00:54:29Sheldon it's C. Just put down C. I don't need your help penny. Listen to that little girl, honey. Put C
00:54:37Next question Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV? How else are they going to learn?
00:54:47Question two when our roadways most slippery now, okay
00:54:51There are three answers none of which are correct
00:54:53The correct answer is when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road
00:55:00But not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction
00:55:07Here's your learner's permit go away
00:55:11But I'm not done I have many additional concerns about these questions don't make me climb over this can
00:55:20Next
00:55:22aced it
00:55:24Congratulations before your Facebook status update Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship
00:55:30What no, no, that's not right. Oh, man. Did you switch your status before she did?
00:55:38Speaking as an expert way to look needy
00:55:42Seriously you went first after only two weeks
00:55:45That's old
00:55:47It's not bold. It's a mistake. I didn't change my status. Well, then who did?
00:55:55I
00:55:57Had no choice he cried in front of her
00:56:01You hacked my Facebook account, oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything Kal. L
00:56:10Are you insane now? She's gonna think I'm desperate you've destroyed this relationship
00:56:16And you want to know the worst part is you don't even understand what you did wrong because you can't conceive of something that you are
00:56:22not an expert in
00:56:24In which I'm not don't even
00:56:30Don't want to hear another word out of you
00:56:36What's wrong lassie Timmy fall down the well, oh
00:56:43Wow, she just updated her Facebook status Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship with Leonard Hofstadter
00:56:50Oh
00:56:55Look at that. I have a girlfriend
00:56:59If I'm permitted to speak again, dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win you try too hard
00:57:09Look at me
00:57:11What chance do I have if I don't try too hard?
00:57:15Well, you have a terrific chance, I mean you're smart you're funny you have a cool job you build stuff that goes into outer space
00:57:23I guess no look. I'm telling you I've known you for like a year and a half and this is the first time
00:57:28I feel like I'm talking to a real person
00:57:31And you know what? I like him. He's a nice guy
00:57:36You really think so yes, I don't know
00:57:41I don't know
00:57:59While he was telling you things did he mention he owns not one but two Star Trek uniforms
00:58:04Really? Yeah, where's them not just for Halloween?
00:58:08Hey pal
00:58:11You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought Cold Wars were only fought in winter
00:58:17Okay, then I'll return the favor and I won't tell Laura Laura that
00:58:22Half the dirty movies you own are animated
00:58:30When you were telling Kevin about your acting career, did you mention your long-term relationship with Kevin?
00:58:36Did you mention your long-running role as waitress in a local production of the Cheesecake Factory?
00:58:43Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler? Oh, yeah spell asthma
00:58:51A s take me home
00:59:00You're right, it's getting late a
00:59:03Moment we just had Thai food and in that culture
00:59:07The last morsel is called the grange I peace and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group
00:59:20Thank you all for this high honor I've seen pictures of your mother keep eating
00:59:33All right, honey if we're gonna make the movie we should go
00:59:40This may be hard for you to hear but when I say honey, I mean my fiance
00:59:48Yeah, well now it means her
00:59:52Okay, if he wants to come
00:59:55Fine, but next time we get a sitter the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut
01:00:02What's gonna happen?
01:00:04honestly sex
01:00:08Howard do you realize what a big deal? This is with an honor. It is to be chosen to go into space
01:00:15Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team
01:00:24I'm sorry, you're right
01:00:27Let's try this again
01:00:30Bernadette an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us and I'd like to discuss it
01:00:40Okay
01:00:42I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks
01:00:48What are your thoughts on that?
01:00:51Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision-making process
01:00:56Hey, we're a team
01:01:00So, what do you think?
01:01:01No
01:01:04Leonard
01:01:05Check it out. I bought an Engage locomotive half the size of a Joe look fits in my mouth
01:01:15Sounds like you had a great night. I am
01:01:19How was yours not bad I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would
01:01:24What exactly do you mean by that?
01:01:26Turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time
01:01:30Although the truth be told my groin is a little worse for wear
01:01:39How'd you do that to send a message she is not for you what not for you
01:01:49To wine and bubble wrap
01:01:53And to not having to watch Sheldon demonstrate his reverse osmosis machine that converts urine into drinking water
01:02:01You know in Girl Scouts Tammy Denisha said you could do that with pantyhose boy, is she wrong
01:02:10Anyway you want to make out I
01:02:13Thought because our relationships in a beta test you wanted to take things slow. Okay, do you want to make out slow?
01:02:19I
01:02:22Can go so slow it'll be like there's a snail in your mouth
01:02:32Lucky for you, there's nothing else to do right now
01:02:37He looks friendly I think he might be someone's pet no Bernadette don't be a hero
01:02:41Oh
01:02:45Yes, it's very sweet now slowly and carefully flush him down the toilet
01:02:56Sheldon the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it. Just like you did with the mailman
01:03:03Every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds
01:03:08I'm not going to be another statistic
01:03:11Sweetie is come over and say hi
01:03:19You can do it don't be scared
01:03:26I'll just pet the bird you big, baby. I
01:03:36Did it I
01:03:39Actually did it
01:03:42Okay now flush him Oh
01:03:46Father
01:03:47Isn't that just always the way you go to staple something and you're out of staples gosh
01:03:53Wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples
01:03:58You ever think of paperclips right there
01:04:00Well, no, no when I need something more permanent to join these papers
01:04:05Say don't you keep staples in your top desk drawer? I don't know maybe
01:04:12Be a lamb and check
01:04:20Who do we have
01:04:24It's a snake the terrifying snake. Oh
01:04:28Did some bad man put us in a drawer?
01:04:32Stop talking like that. You've been rendered speechless by fear
01:04:36Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice
01:04:41I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Yeah, come on Cooper. You're better than this