In an interview, the National Award-winning Indian actress opens up about her memoir, her life choices, and more
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00:00Hello, hello.
00:01My niece, who's a CA, OK?
00:04At one go, she became a CA.
00:09Her mother-in-law said, you have to,
00:12why did you go down to buy aloo without asking me?
00:16OK?
00:18This is a fact in today's time, in a big town, not even a gaon.
00:25So don't think we have changed.
00:28The change is so much, not even a drop, maybe one-fourth of the drop.
00:37Look what I'm reading, though.
00:39Have you read it or still reading?
00:4170 pages in.
00:43I just got it recently.
00:45So I was like, you're coming to Shaja Book Fest.
00:47So I was like, I have to read it.
00:50Firstly, yeah, you know, I've read some very glossy memoirs of stars
00:56and they are often, like I said, very glossy.
00:58They skim the surface.
00:59But you seem to have been, you are coming from a more honest place.
01:03Was that very deliberate for you?
01:04Like you were like, if I'm going to write an autobiography,
01:07it's going to sound earnest, if not give the farm away.
01:13Yeah, I am a person like, my nature is like that.
01:19And if I do not want to say something
01:22instead of covering it up, I don't say it.
01:27You know, if I don't feel like talking about a thing,
01:32so then I don't talk about it.
01:35Instead of talking rubbish or talking
01:39lie, you know, and
01:43covering it up with things, I rather not say it
01:47because it's in my hands, it's my autobiography.
01:52I will do what I want to do, you know.
01:55That's right. You get to spin your own narrative as well.
01:58I mean, I was just going through it,
02:00you know, where you talk about your parents.
02:02I feel you have more control, right, about how you say your story.
02:06In fact, in one of the chapters, you just spoke about the press
02:09where you said it's such a, you know,
02:12unpredictable beast.
02:14They use you, etc.
02:15Is this your way of like getting back at?
02:18Actually, this is my life story rather than,
02:21you know, expecting a journalist to do so.
02:26I am not getting back to anybody, OK?
02:30I wrote because this is what I felt that time.
02:33And I also don't forget, I also wrote that it was my mistake.
02:38I always whatever bad happens to me, I always feel that's my mistake.
02:43It was my mistake that I thought the journalists were my friends.
02:46They were not my friends.
02:48They were doing their job.
02:50And the way because they are smart enough, the way they talk to me,
02:55I thought they were my friends and I talked to them like friends.
02:59So it is not their fault. It is my fault.
03:01So I always say whatever wrong happens to me is my fault.
03:06I like that ownership that you seem to take your entire book.
03:09I feel you've been very fair, not just to your parents, but to your
03:13you know, your mother, not really understanding your process
03:16or choosing a very unconventional, unorthodox career.
03:19I think you always give space for somebody else as well. Right, Nina?
03:23Like even your parents, you seem to understand them.
03:25She's very strict.
03:26She gives you the best clothes, yet strict.
03:30Was that your intent as well?
03:32Like, you know, give everybody room.
03:37Nothing like that.
03:38I never thought like that.
03:40I just wrote what was the truth.
03:42That's why I call it Sach Kaho Toh because and also now I'm much, much matured.
03:51At that time, I was very used to be very angry with my mother, you know.
03:55But now I understand everybody's point of view
03:59because with age, you do understand things, you know, when you are young,
04:05everything, everybody is doing wrong things to you, you know, so
04:10because you want to do something.
04:11They stop you.
04:13So you are always angry, angry, young kid.
04:17That's true.
04:19So there was no agenda
04:25for writing this book.
04:27The agenda was that
04:31I wanted to tell my story to people.
04:36And I think just wanted to take it out.
04:40That's it. That was it.
04:42No other agenda.
04:44I have not spoken ill about anybody.
04:49In fact, I had to change all the names because the lawyer.
04:52All your friends even.
04:53The guy you had the affair with, it was a very consensual affair,
04:56but still you changed the name.
04:57I thought that was very sweet.
04:59You know, just.
05:00No, no, it was not sweet.
05:02I wanted to write.
05:03That was privacy.
05:04The guy who had a crush on you.
05:06No, the lawyer at Penguin said, change all names.
05:11I was so upset.
05:13Really? But I wanted to name and shame, huh?
05:18No, I didn't want to name and shame.
05:20I wanted to tell people that what you think of me,
05:24that I am like this, I am like this, I have affairs, I have this, that.
05:29My story is not like that.
05:31That was the reason I took their names.
05:34There were some very nice people who I
05:38broke up like my ex-husband I talked about.
05:42There is no ill will because he was a good guy.
05:45We didn't get along.
05:46But there was one very evil guy.
05:48I had to change his name.
05:51I was very upset, but I had to.
05:55Oh, no. Was it a no go zone?
05:58Nina, I know that, like you said,
06:01there seems to be like this, let's say, a persona around you
06:04where you were ahead of your time.
06:06Right now, I think people are on Tinder.
06:08They they are far more progressive.
06:09I mean, there's less judgment generally.
06:12I mean, with this cancel culture, it's very good.
06:15It's not like that.
06:17It is all maybe point, point, point, some percent of our population,
06:23which may be like that.
06:24But if you scratch, we are still the same.
06:28The advertisements made in Times of India, they want fair girl only.
06:35Really still.
06:36Oh, I thought we had bars ahead.
06:39No, we have no, no, no.
06:41Hello. Hello.
06:42My niece, who's a CA.
06:45OK, at one go, he became a she became a CA.
06:50Her mother in law said you have to.
06:54Why did you go down to buy aloo without asking me?
06:58OK. This is a fact in today's time,
07:03in a big town, not even a go.
07:07So don't think we have changed.
07:09It's to change it.
07:11The not even a drop,
07:14maybe one fourth of the drop early.
07:17It's a very grim picture.
07:19I thought you were like it is your time in the 1980s,
07:23maybe when you joined the film industry, it was very different.
07:26You know, you live life on your own terms.
07:29But in this case, no, no, no, no, no.
07:30All all all bullshit.
07:32This is this is all what press says, because that's why I wrote the book,
07:35because you don't know the facts.
07:39I beat the
07:41Chotis share me.
07:42Bombay just share me.
07:44I know what happens in my neighborhood.
07:47All the change up or maybe are not India.
07:52Mm hmm.
07:53Made out of circle, that's not India.
07:56We are the minorities.
07:58Who are educated, who can wear what they want to wear,
08:03who can divorce, who can have an affair openly?
08:08Yeah, very little.
08:13Nothing has changed.
08:14OK, I'm giving you this example of my own person, my own relative.
08:20Mm hmm.
08:21The economic, you know,
08:24low point was an exam that they knew that
08:27she did it in one go.
08:29She was so brilliant.
08:30What did what advice did you give her, Nina?
08:32Like, did you ask her to, like, step away or or just?
08:37Yeah, yeah.
08:38I got her divorced.
08:39Oh, well done.
08:40No, no.
08:40I was just wondering what happened to her, like when, you know,
08:44no, she wanted to divorce.
08:46I said, how can you live?
08:48I mean, you are going to earn money.
08:51You're a beautiful girl.
08:53You are a good, educated girl.
08:56Uh, tamizdar ladki ho.
08:59Why?
09:01Good. I kidnapped her.
09:03I think you kind of took.
09:05I know it's called extraction, where you extract a person
09:08from a very dangerous scenario.
09:10Kyuki, she's my own blood, yaar.
09:12I cannot see her suffer.
09:16Like this, you know.
09:19No, this is an example I'm giving.
09:21So don't think that, uh,
09:24main yeh kehne ke liye keh rahi hoon ki badla nahi hai.
09:26Badla bahut kam hai. Badla bahut kam hai.
09:31What about jahaan se main aayi hoon Delhi mein, purani Delhi mein,
09:35waha abhi bhi saas, sasurko, pyaar, goongat aur wo sab hota hai abhi bhi.
09:40You think? Oh, OK.
09:42Pehle aadmi khaana khaate, phir aurte khaana khaate, abhi bhi hota hai.
09:45Excuse me.
09:46We have, we don't know.
09:48Because we live in this glass house
09:51where metro hai aur yeh sab kuch hai aur wo hai.
09:55OK, OK, maybe. Baahar ke mulko mein kya ho raha hai?
09:59Yeah, I see people jo,
10:03I live in Bombay, mera meri badi building ke neeche
10:07juggi jhopri hai, waha kya hota hai, pata hai aapko?
10:09Woh hi hota hai, jo pehle hota tha.
10:14OK, so it's still the same.
10:15Saari, most, 80% of our staff,
10:19the maids who come to clean up our house aur bartan maajne aate hain,
10:23most of them are single parent.
10:27Because most of the guys have left them, gotten married again.
10:32So they, with their children, come, work.
10:37And that's their life.
10:40Of course, got it.
10:41Neena, you also touched upon the working conditions of the entertainment industry.
10:46I just skimmed through that chapter where you spoke about going for shows
10:50and how there's such a, you know, you're a part of a food chain, right?
10:54How you stay in the most average of hotels, the star, there is a star system.
10:59Even that has not changed.
11:00Is it all like even it still exists or has it changed?
11:05Is there more of what is the parity, you know, in terms of just like
11:09you are treated with dignity on a movie set?
11:16Almost the same.
11:18Oh, even there.
11:22Almost the same.
11:23Yeah, my position has become different.
11:25So I stay in a five star now.
11:28I get a full van.
11:29If you have seen Masaba Masaba, I did this very beautiful scene
11:34where I get the whole van, you know.
11:38So it was a very big thing for me because I used to get like
11:42there's a van which has three, three compartments.
11:46So the lesser famous actors
11:51would get chota hisa.
11:54And then when you become a little more famous, then you get half
11:58and then you become a little more famous, then you get full.
12:02So we had it, you know,
12:06I laugh at it because everybody has to go through this.
12:10Of course, it's a rite of passage, is it?
12:13You have to start from your like you be an intern,
12:16first the coffee for the editor, and then you.
12:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:21It is like that.
12:23Humko bhi pehle train se bheja jata tha bahar shooting karne ke liye.
12:27Abhi main business class mein jaati hun.
12:29Toh abhi jo mujhe se kam famous actors hain,
12:33wo train mein jaate hain aur thode badhe hain ekonomi mein jaate hain.
12:38Right?
12:38It is.
12:39Aur aur jo sabse bahut, bahut, bahut, bade star hai, woh private jet mein jaate hain.
12:43Main abhi private jet mein nahi jaati, first class mein bhi nahi jaati
12:46kyonki main abhi tak waha nahi pahuchi.
12:48My God.
12:49You know what I'm trying to say?
12:50Yeah, of course, of course.
12:52In fact, there is like a food chain of sorts, right?
12:55You have to reach the first class or the private jet is the ultimate.
12:59I suppose you have truly arrived as an actor, haven't you?
13:04Not as an actor, as a star.
13:05As a star.
13:06OK, but do you consider yourself a star now with Masaba, Masaba, etc.?
13:10People love you.
13:11The mother daughter duo, you guys are the cutest.
13:14I mean, so endearing as well.
13:15And you even you know that the last bit of your book is all dedicated
13:20to your daughter, saying that, you know, she is your biggest strength.
13:24So has that bond just deepened?
13:28Did she read the book?
13:29What did she think of it?
13:31She didn't read the book.
13:32She's a very bad girl.
13:34She didn't read the book.
13:35It's not cool.
13:37No, because she says, I know everything about you.
13:39What will I read?
13:42Yeah, she has seen it.
13:45Was there a no go zone, Neena, in this book where you told yourself,
13:49I'm not going to open that door?
13:50There are certain chapters in my life that I don't want
13:53that I'm not ready to perhaps, you know, you have to be vulnerable
13:56to write an autobiography.
13:58You cannot just, you know, it has to be real, right?
14:03Hmm.
14:05So I didn't understand your question.
14:06Was there a no go zone where you told yourself that is one chapter
14:10that I shall not touch upon in this autobiography?
14:13Many, many.
14:15There were many no go zones.
14:17There were many I avoided.
14:20Out of out of respect, out of fear,
14:23out of perhaps you're not ready for it.
14:26What was the reasoning behind that?
14:29The main reason was that.
14:33I didn't want.
14:35My very, very weak weaknesses.
14:39To show to people.
14:43Joe, many.
14:46Gully, like a kiss, yeah, yeah.
14:49I.
14:51Well, I said, look, you're about to.
14:56I love it. I love it.
14:57Yes, information is power.
14:59Don't give people information.
15:01I'm with you there.
15:02You know, because people use people use
15:06has been made out that when you fall in love, you tell everything
15:09you tell about your past, you tell everything, especially women.
15:13It's up to that.
15:14To go with that, I think the way I see.
15:17So I said, look, I think you don't want to hear that.
15:21No, no, no, that's not. Yeah.
15:23I've heard that enough.
15:24I don't think I want to hear that now.
15:27No, no. I'm so happy that you did.
15:29What do you want the readers to take away from this?
15:31How do they how do you want them to know you after reading this book, Nina?
15:38Whatever they want to
15:41think about me.
15:44I don't know.
15:46I just wrote it and.
15:49I don't know what I want them to think after reading this book.
15:55I don't know.
15:56They should tell me.
15:57Really? No, no, because I've spoken to several authors who said
16:00writing is such a difficult process.
16:02They want to like, you know, there were times when somehow you wanted to write.
16:06It did not happen.
16:07It's a difficult.
16:08I mean, writing is not easy.
16:10Like you need to be in that space.
16:12Was it like was what is your process like?
16:15Like, did you like just go to the mountains, sit down, be a hermit?
16:19Or did you write this book while at the city?
16:21How did this happen?
16:24See, I had signed to write my autobiography many times.
16:31OK, over the years.
16:33But when I sat, I just couldn't write.
16:37A very important reason why I felt free.
16:41To write was because.
16:43People close to me didn't give me many apart from some other.
16:48My close family is no more.
16:51I could not have written this if my mother was alive.
16:54My father was alive.
16:56My brother was alive.
16:57My brother was alive.
17:00I could write because they are not there.
17:03I did not want them to go through that pain again.
17:08So I was free to write.
17:11Number one.
17:13Number two, I have reached a point where it doesn't matter to me
17:18whatever judgment you make after seeing me.
17:26Live, work or behave.
17:29Work or behave.
17:32I have passed that stage of life where.
17:36I'll get scared.
17:38I'll not sleep at night.
17:42I went through a lot.
17:44Everybody goes through a lot.
17:46But I could write this because I was free.
17:51You know, I think that's the reason I could write that.
17:55It's very difficult.
17:56And also, I must tell you.
18:03My book is not a piece of literature.
18:05Yes, I'm very clear about it.
18:09My book has no flowery English language.
18:13Because I think in Hindi, I in fact, I rewrote the book in Hindi.
18:19I didn't get it translated.
18:21OK. OK. OK, got it.
18:24Because what translation somebody did was very bad.
18:27I mean, very bad.
18:28It was like literal translation, which I didn't like. Yes.
18:32So made a piece of literature.
18:34May I move?
18:35Take away. I want a name in English.
18:39May I go hard?
18:40But he write to me.
18:42Make actor who just made me Jimmy and that's it.
18:47Right. So I was thinking the other day.
18:51It was a very big festival.
18:53They didn't invite me.
18:55I was going out of India, so I told this girl, I said,
18:58are you not calling me?
19:00No, ma'am, we are, we are trying to say she ignored.
19:06Then I realized that because I don't have any literature,
19:12so why would they invite me to a lit fest?
19:16OK, I don't know.
19:18I know. So I don't know.
19:21No, but I wrote it.
19:23People liked it.
19:24Whosoever read it, that's it.
19:26No, I know. I like it.
19:27Like, I mean, everything doesn't have to be intellectualized.
19:31You know, sometimes you just that's my whole idea.
19:33Every movie doesn't have to be dissected beyond a point.
19:36If it's a comedy, just enjoy it as a comedy.
19:38I think your book is also like you said, you're not trying to be pretentious.
19:42Your language is not like big words.
19:45How do I sound smart in my sentence, et cetera?
19:48I think that's the biggest appeal, right?
19:50Why do you think Kirtan Bhagat is so popular?
19:54So my question was to me, I have been thinking about it.
19:59So what is my book?
20:02Autobiography is fine.
20:05But my book is not intellectual.
20:09So my book cannot be written in an intellectual festival.
20:16It's like that.
20:17That's your reasoning.
20:20Nobody thinks that.
20:23A book you enjoy or you don't enjoy.
20:27Very true.
20:28A book from which you learn something or not learn anything.
20:35A book which you read going to bed and sleep peacefully.
20:41It's not necessary, like you said, to be intellectual.
20:45It doesn't have to be good English or Hindi language.
20:50It's not necessary.
20:54Right.
20:55Anyway, I'm an actor, I'm not an actor, so it's okay.
20:58No, but it's good.
20:59You're coming also to the Shahjah Book Fair, which is also a big deal, by the way.
21:03There's also other actors coming, which kind of gives you the same birth.
21:07Like Kareena Kapoor, I think, has written a book on motherhood, etc.
21:10There's Yasmin Karachiwala.
21:12Similar-minded artists who are taking a stab at writing, perhaps, their own story.
21:17So you must feel proud, right?
21:19Forget the literary fest, there's Shahjah International Book Fair.
21:24Yeah, that's why I agreed to come.
21:26Because it's a big book fair.
21:30I just read about it's the third big internationally book fair.
21:38It comes third.
21:40So it's a very big thing and I'm very excited to come there.