Paola tiene a su esposo enfermo y además tiene otra relación con una persona que la está haciendo muy feliz.
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00:00Hello?
00:01Hi!
00:03Hi, nice to meet you.
00:05Likewise.
00:06Yes, yes.
00:07Tell me.
00:08The truth is that I'm calling because I'm in a very big internal conflict.
00:14I have a broken heart.
00:16I'm married.
00:18I got married very young.
00:20At 22 years old.
00:21I was in love.
00:23And my husband is sick.
00:26And I've always been legal.
00:28But a couple of years ago the marriage expired.
00:33And now I recently met a Colombian young man.
00:37And it made me happy.
00:39The love.
00:42To believe in love again.
00:45And I'm in a horrible conflict because I feel that I can't leave my husband.
00:51Because of the situation that is happening.
00:53But I can't leave him either.
00:56Because of what he gives me.
00:59And because of what I need.
01:01Paola.
01:02With a broken heart, which is evident.
01:05You got married very young.
01:07You told me at 22 years old.
01:09How old are you now?
01:11I'm 37 now.
01:13Right.
01:15And what condition does your husband have?
01:17How has your relationship changed lately?
01:22Yes, well.
01:23The relationship started to fall apart.
01:26We started to have a lot of arguments.
01:28A lot of conflicts.
01:30And it became more frequent.
01:34And we had clashes.
01:38Clashes between both of us.
01:40Conflicts that we didn't get to anything.
01:43To blame each other.
01:46Paola.
01:47Why don't you want to leave your husband?
01:50Did something happen to him?
01:51Is he sick?
01:52Yes.
01:53Yes.
01:54What happened to him?
01:55About a year ago.
01:57They are having a renal failure.
02:01And of course.
02:03He has had a very bad time.
02:05The same with us.
02:06The cohabitation has also affected.
02:09The cohabitation is a little more complicated.
02:12Changes of gender.
02:13Of humor.
02:14Everything that goes with it.
02:16But I feel that I can't leave him either.
02:19Because I feel that I have a commitment.
02:24And a duty to accompany him.
02:28Now, I imagine that you are taking care of your husband.
02:31Does he need you to be there?
02:33Yes, completely.
02:34It depends on you.
02:35Completely.
02:37When you meet this other person.
02:40Regardless of nationality.
02:42We know that he is not Chilean.
02:44Did things get worse?
02:46Or is this more recent?
02:49No, no, no.
02:51I have always been loyal to my husband.
02:58I always tried to make things work.
03:05Or to try to hold on as long as possible.
03:08But you know what happens to me?
03:11That the magic of kinship was lost.
03:16I feel like a friend.
03:18And this has been a little more than a year.
03:23Losing that intimacy that we had.
03:27Now I feel more like a friend than my husband.
03:32Paola, when you say that the relationship has deteriorated.
03:36What is the treatment he has towards you or you towards him?
03:39Look, the truth is that the relationship has become a little cold.
03:47The routine has also become monotonous.
03:52We don't do many things together.
03:57Also with the subject of his illness.
04:00He is more focused on that.
04:06It's been a long time since I lost that attention from him.
04:15Paola, do you have children?
04:17No.
04:19And another thing I want to ask you.
04:21In what situation did you meet this other person?
04:24And if you feel in love with this person.
04:26Or is it just the difference in how he treats you?
04:30Or how you feel?
04:32Look, I met him in a group of friends.
04:38He is a friend of a friend of mine.
04:42But we had never seen each other.
04:46I had heard the name, but nothing more.
04:49And of course, when we met.
04:54He was right next to me.
04:57We started talking.
04:59We were talking all night.
05:02With the other friends.
05:04But of course, we hung up the phone.
05:07And we didn't stop.
05:09He is everything.
05:11He is cheerful.
05:13He makes me laugh.
05:15How long have you been with him?
05:17I've been with him for about six months.
05:20And would you be willing to leave your husband for a six-month relationship?
05:26Or is this just the trigger to make a decision that you had been thinking about for a long time?
05:32What happens is that I had been thinking about it before.
05:38But the truth is that I am very conflicted.
05:44Because I feel that I can't leave my husband.
05:48Because of his illness.
05:51But I can't leave Juanito.
05:58Or Mario.
06:00I can't leave Mario either.
06:03Because I really like him.
06:05And I feel that with him I would meet again.
06:09I don't know, with how beautiful life is.
06:12And enjoy love.
06:14Paola, I want you to listen to a man with a lot of experience.
06:17Who joins us today on the panel.
06:20Because first we want to cheer you up.
06:22Don't get down with this.
06:24Maybe sometimes it's easier to make a decision.
06:27And take a weight off.
06:29But decide it now.
06:31Either continue with your husband.
06:33Or continue with this other person.
06:35Your way alone.
06:36How do you see it, Leo?
06:37Oh well, mamacita.
06:38I have to tell you a story.
06:40The Colombian that I have inside came out.
06:42Paola, a central issue in the relationship of a couple.
06:46And forgive me if I go ahead, Alexandra.
06:48It's been a pleasure to see you.
06:50I loved your eyes.
06:52I came for those eyes.
06:54Well, I'm unfaithful.
06:55No, look.
06:56You don't lie to your friends.
06:58If you consider that your husband is still your friend.
07:01You can't lie to him.
07:03And these things have to be transparent.
07:05What would I do in his place?
07:07I would tell him.
07:08Marito, right?
07:09Yes.
07:10Marito, this is over.
07:12It's not the same anymore.
07:13I've been thinking about it.
07:14But it's something that I really loved about love.
07:17But you can't have it like that.
07:19Sick.
07:20Deceived.
07:21And disgusting.
07:22And with a broken relationship.
07:24The truth above all.
07:26Although it hurts.
07:28Because it hurts once.
07:29And then it heals.
07:30I have nothing else to say.
07:32The truth.
07:33That was free.
07:34Let's see.
07:35What would Jairo Valdez do in this case?
07:37Look, I was listening to Paola.
07:40And I said it once.
07:42And I don't want to be conservative, or papist, or moralist.
07:46But I feel that when you choose a person as a life partner.
07:51You also make a commitment.
07:55It's the disease.
07:56And when you're in church, you say it too.
07:58It's the disease.
07:59It's the sadness.
08:00It's the joy.
08:01But also, on the other hand.
08:03The philosopher and psychologist Ricardo Arjona says that a lie that makes you happy is worth more than a truth that makes your life bitter.
08:11But on the other hand.
08:13The Bible says that the truth will set you free.
08:16So my question is for Leito, for everyone here.
08:19Is it so?
08:21Maybe if I keep it and he doesn't know.
08:23Maybe he's sick.
08:24Why complicate it?
08:26Or am I wrong?
08:27I don't know.
08:28It's a shame.
08:29She feels responsible.
08:30You can't feel sorry for a couple where you have a commitment.
08:33The commitment, as Jairo says very well.
08:35It's the transparency.
08:37The truth.
08:38Because what's happening with Paola?
08:40She's kicking the problem.
08:42Later I'll see.
08:44And what happens if she...
08:45Let's put a woman in the fertile age.
08:47She could have a child.
08:48How do you do it?
08:49And that's how the great conflicts, the great dramas in a couple are created.
08:54Paola, can I ask you a question?
08:57You told me you didn't have children.
08:59How is your relationship with him?
09:01Because you tell me that more than friendship, you are very partner.
09:03And this changed in the last year?
09:05Is this the first conflict you face?
09:09The first difficulty?
09:11Yes, yes.
09:13Well, the relationship with him changed a couple of years ago.
09:17Already?
09:18Where the series of discussions that we had became common.
09:25It became common in the relationship.
09:28Like not stopping and even doing things that already bothered us both.
09:37And of course, with that, the intimacy was lost too.
09:43I have to say it.
09:45And it became a relationship more distant from what it should be.
09:52Or how our marriage was at first.
09:55Give me a second because we also want to listen to Alexandra.
09:59What would you like to ask her?
10:01It's a super complex situation.
10:03But I congratulate you for being so honest.
10:07Especially when it comes to a woman who is unfaithful.
10:10Who is much more judged in our country.
10:12I wanted to ask you a couple of things, Paola.
10:15You have been with this marriage for a long time.
10:18Bad, right?
10:19As disencountered, with conflicts, with problems.
10:21Yes.
10:22Like two years ago.
10:24Two years.
10:25And you don't have children.
10:26My question is, if you didn't have children.
10:28And you came with problems like two years ago.
10:32Why didn't you make a decision with your husband?
10:36And you thought about ending that relationship and separating.
10:39If you didn't have a commitment.
10:40Sometimes it is much more difficult.
10:42Because there are children in the way, etc.
10:44Why didn't you make a decision before?
10:46What a good question.
10:50Because we both had hope that we could get back together.
10:56But one thing is the hope that they have worked to improve the relationship.
11:00Did they do something?
11:02Yes.
11:03We went to a couple's therapy.
11:09To see if we could get back what we had at the beginning.
11:15And how was the therapy?
11:17It worked at the beginning.
11:20But then everything was the same.
11:24Another question.
11:25Are you emotionally dependent?
11:27Do you need someone else?
11:30Yes.
11:31Yes, right?
11:32I ask you because maybe the people who are at home are wondering.
11:36Why did Alexandra ask that question?
11:38If you are dependent.
11:39Because when you have problems with your partner.
11:42You have to do everything to save that marriage.
11:45You had several issues without having children.
11:48Without thinking about leaving him.
11:50But another one had to appear.
11:52In the end, I think you had an emotional dependence on your husband.
11:56And then you sublimated so as not to be alone.
11:59And since you were much more vulnerable.
12:01You opened the door to another.
12:03And today you see yourself in this conflict.
12:05Because basically, I think that more than your husband's illness.
12:08And I don't think I'm wrong.
12:10Maybe if you tell me, but I'm being honest.
12:12If your husband didn't have that disease.
12:15And there is this third person.
12:17You would still be in conflict.
12:19To open and uncover the truth.
12:21Or am I wrong?
12:27That question is difficult.
12:29I have questioned it.
12:33I think I would still be conflicted.
12:37But maybe it would be easier for me.
12:40To be able to place a final point.
12:43But Alexandra asked you a very specific question.
12:48If your husband didn't have this health condition.
12:53Would you still have opened the door to another person?
13:02It's very difficult.
13:04Because I always feel that this person came.
13:07Which is the one.
13:09So to speak.
13:11The one I have to be with.
13:14I was always loyal.
13:16So.
13:17But I think that in the case.
13:20That his husband didn't have a disease.
13:23It would be easier for me to finish.
13:26Ok.
13:27Because you are being very friendly.
13:30You have principles.
13:32But another question.
13:34It's not that I'm asking for advice.
13:36I feel that you are in such a difficult situation.
13:39I imagine that there is a feeling of guilt.
13:41That many times you feel trapped.
13:43That you are not having a good time internally, right?
13:46No, not at all.
13:48So I feel that.
13:50First.
13:51The advice I would give you.
13:52If you were my patient.
13:53That you connect with yourself.
13:55Because you are emotionally dependent.
13:57Because you are leaving a relationship.
13:59That you haven't let go yet.
14:00To another.
14:01Because I think that at the beginning you said.
14:03He makes me happy.
14:04I'm very happy.
14:05And life doesn't go through each other.
14:08We can't find happiness in each other.
14:10We can hook up.
14:11Have a good relationship.
14:13But I feel that you were like Cinderella in that home.
14:16And that you were waiting for someone to come to rescue you.
14:19And I'm going to tell you this with a lot of.
14:21I'm not going to say wisdom.
14:22But with a lot of respect.
14:25Very serious.
14:26Always with respect.
14:27That.
14:28When one.
14:29No, but it's nothing.
14:30It's nothing.
14:31When one.
14:32Is in a situation where he feels trapped.
14:34And he opens the door to another.
14:36And he feels like Cinderella.
14:37Unconsciously he is waiting.
14:39For a prince to come to rescue her.
14:41In this case, this third person.
14:43But we don't know.
14:44In your vulnerability.
14:45What can happen to that prince.
14:47Because you can lose bread and pieces.
14:49And you can be very bad.
14:51So I think the most important thing.
14:53Taking what Leo said.
14:54That you focus a little on yourself.
14:56That you can let go.
14:58Take out.
14:59And open up.
15:00With the truth.
15:01To feel calmer.
15:02But don't jump from one relationship to another.
15:04Until you don't connect with yourself.
15:07You don't go into your home.
15:08See who you really want.
15:10And when you are healthy.
15:11You can open the door.
15:13I know you're not going to leave it to the third.
15:14But don't get out of your arms.
15:16To others.
15:17Because you can feel.
15:19And fall into a tremendous depression.
15:21And desolation.
15:22So the advice would be.
15:24Alexandra.
15:25That she makes the decision.
15:27Alone.
15:28Without thinking.
15:29In the third person.
15:30Of course.
15:31That she doesn't make any decision.
15:32To leave the husband.
15:33For another person.
15:34But first.
15:35She clarifies what she wants.
15:36Talk to her husband.
15:37Tell her the truth.
15:38What is.
15:39I'm sorry.
15:40That she closes a circle.
15:41Of course.
15:42So she doesn't leave that door open.
15:43So she doesn't leave.
15:44When you leave the door.
15:45Open it.
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