Paola, nos contó que mantenía una relación de dos años con su pareja, y que justo cuando tenían todo decidido para ponerle punto final a la relación, descubrió que estaba embarazada.
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00:00Look, I had a relationship for approximately two years.
00:05Once we broke up, with everything super well decided, I found out that I was pregnant.
00:14Oh, I can't believe you. How long have you been pregnant?
00:18At this moment I am seven weeks pregnant and I am complicated.
00:25I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to have it or not.
00:32Because my relationship with my partner was too complicated because of jealousy.
00:40Now, Paola, to be responsible, the possibility of having it or not is to advance only in the pregnancy.
00:46I mean, the pregnancy has to advance.
00:49Now, on the other hand, I empathize with you and it is a very complex situation.
00:54But, of course, the baby is not to blame.
00:57And somehow it also complicates your situation.
01:00But that's a topic.
01:03The important thing is to know how you are.
01:05How long ago did you tell your partner that you don't want to be with him anymore?
01:09And why did you make that decision?
01:12Let's see, I'll tell you a little bit.
01:14I had a relationship of 24 years of marriage.
01:17I separated in 2017 and I was only three years old.
01:24I was very afraid of having another relationship because of my infidelity.
01:29When I decided to have a relationship, it was with an ex-boyfriend that I had when I was 13 years old.
01:38Already?
01:40We met again and since I knew him, I knew his family, I decided to be with him.
01:46I introduced him to my family with a lot of fear and my children.
01:53We had a relationship of two years.
01:56But I had the bad idea of telling my partner at that time that there was a friend that we had a conversation.
02:08And for him, that friend was like he had a ghost every day.
02:15I couldn't go out to the center, I couldn't go shopping, I couldn't talk on the phone.
02:23I checked social networks.
02:27If I went to the center, I would say that one day I messed with this person.
02:32I stopped talking to my friends so as not to have problems.
02:41I isolated myself and locked myself in my house.
02:44I stopped getting ready, I stopped taking care of myself.
02:48I was a super independent person.
02:51I started to submit myself in front of him.
02:54I didn't get ready, I didn't want to.
02:56Did you forget about yourself, Paola?
02:58I forgot about myself.
03:00And a lot of fear, a lot of fear.
03:02Of course, imagine the fear you felt because he became a zoologist.
03:06He didn't let you live your life.
03:08How long did that period last?
03:10Two years.
03:11Two years?
03:12Two years.
03:14What was the episode that embarrassed you the most or anguished you the most?
03:19When you said, I can't continue with this.
03:22A while ago, I came.
03:24Once, for example, I went to a pub with some childhood friends.
03:29He followed me, he was there all the time looking at me, watching me.
03:33He imagined things that were not.
03:36It was like I was in a motel with my friends.
03:44That was what he saw.
03:46He imagined the worst.
03:48He imagined the worst.
03:51All this time I was silent.
03:53I told my mom.
03:54My mom kicked me out of the house.
03:56I was with her at that time, visiting.
04:00Then he began to find out with my friends what I was doing.
04:04It was like, of all the things he told me,
04:07I began to doubt what I really was as a person.
04:13What I did or didn't do.
04:16Now, Paola, when we talk about a relationship where love ends, right?
04:23You probably lived many months trying to resist this situation that was probably coming.
04:31But when did you get pregnant if you were so far from this person?
04:37I was going through a very complicated emotional period.
04:42Apart from my relationship as a couple.
04:44It's very complicated.
04:46I went into a depression.
04:47And I feel that in one of those days, I don't know, I took pills to sleep.
04:51No, I took care of myself.
04:53I took care of myself.
04:54No, I didn't want to have children with him.
04:56Because I had already had a loss before in March last year.
04:59But one thing is to take care not to have children.
05:01And another is not to have intimate relationships, sexual relationships.
05:04Did you still have relationships?
05:06Yes.
05:07Yes.
05:08What happens is that he, I don't know if it was a justification,
05:11but he was always very correct with me.
05:16He always took care of me, protected me.
05:18But when that little bug got into his head, that ghost, he got desperate.
05:25Paola, but did it bother you?
05:27Because deep down it seems that he treated you well.
05:29Did it bother you that he was so jealous and transformed?
05:32Do you love him?
05:33Yes.
05:39I don't know if I love him, because I always started with a relationship with fear.
05:44If I love him, if he worries me, if I'm aware if he's missing something,
05:49if he ate, if I don't know.
05:52You're always worried about him.
05:54I love him. Exactly, yes.
05:56Now, when you decide to separate, are you the one who stays in the house?
06:02Yes, and I stay in my house because it's my house.
06:06He lives in my house.
06:08Okay, on that side it was easy.
06:10But at some point, did you tell him that you were pregnant?
06:14Yes.
06:15How did he react?
06:16He reacted very well, that he was going to take care of me, that he was going to protect me,
06:21that I was going to live with him in another city, because I live in another city.
06:27And he lives in Santiago.
06:29So he wanted me not to go with him to Santiago,
06:32that he would take care of me there, because I live alone here, I'm not living there,
06:37and that no one would take care of me, that no one would take care of me,
06:40and that he would leave me, that he would come to play with me.
06:43And I'm there in a dilemma, because with him, as I told you,
06:46at one point I felt so vulnerable, so submissive,
06:49that I feel that I'm going with a stick, with a stick,
06:54and I feel that feeling like he's going to take control of me,
07:00I don't know, like I'm not going to have the economic, independent capacity
07:04that I've always had, by being next to him.
07:07But Paola, is that your big doubt?
07:10Or would you continue with him because of the child on the way?
07:15No, the truth is that I'm super disoriented in that sense.
07:20I'm, as I told you at the beginning,
07:23for me a babuita is not, it doesn't have a name,
07:31but I do have an affective deficiency,
07:34I feel that I have an affective deficiency,
07:37that I'm too abandoned in a period of four years,
07:41so I feel that this person is going to give me a lot of support, a lot of support.
07:47Because he protected you, he accompanied you,
07:50basically what you needed was to be with someone, basically,
07:53whoever it was, maybe.
07:56I don't know if it was whoever it was,
07:58because I spent three years alone trying to find the right person,
08:01and this right person, at one point it was,
08:04but when I decided, because I've never lied,
08:07I decided to tell the truth that there was a friend here in Ceres where I live,
08:13and I thought that this friend was my partner.
08:18Of course, and that's when everything changed,
08:20basically it's a person you didn't fall in love with, it changed.
08:23No.
08:26But don't feel distressed, because we're here to listen to you,
08:29the important thing is that you can let go and be able to help yourself.
08:32Marcelo Arizmendi, I also want to give some words to Paola.
08:35Paola, thank you for sharing with us this situation that you are experiencing,
08:39first of all.
08:40And secondly, I want you to know that everything has a solution,
08:43because at first, when you're kind of distressed,
08:45you think that there's no way out of this situation.
08:48There are many things that you've told in your story,
08:50that I'm sure that the professionals that are with me here
08:52will be able to guide you, so pay close attention to that.
08:54But personally, as a man, I tell you that normally,
08:57a lot of men go through this when we're teenagers,
08:59that we have jealousy in front of us,
09:01and we make mistakes, and we're heavy, and we try to mark the territory,
09:08but as the years go by, men mature, some slower than others,
09:12and finally we realize that jealousy is the enemy of the couple,
09:15and that sense of position is very harmful.
09:18So, if you have a deficiency, from my perspective,
09:21I can tell you that you're clearly vulnerable
09:23to wanting to grab the first trunk that's going to pass
09:25while you're about to drown.
09:27Therefore, I would ask you to take it easy.
09:30As you just said, children are not the axis of a relationship,
09:33in fact, they usually complicate it a little bit.
09:36They turn you more into a father than a partner.
09:38Therefore, I would ask you not to feel anxious.
09:42Obviously, during this period of pregnancy,
09:44you have hormones and skin changes.
09:46And more sensitive than ever.
09:48With a lot of sensitivity.
09:49So, pay attention to that, dear,
09:51because don't make a hasty decision,
09:53because the way you paint him,
09:55I don't think he's a guy who's mature enough
09:57to be able to accompany you in this process.
09:59Maybe it's a moment where he's going to take advantage
10:01of the fact that he's a baby,
10:02and he's going to hold you tight and not let you go
10:04like you were expressing a few minutes ago.
10:06That's what I feel.
10:08Yes, Paola, I think that's basically
10:10what you feel too,
10:12and it's part of your fear.
10:14That's why, when you open your heart,
10:16I imagine you've talked to your mom,
10:18maybe with your loved ones,
10:19about how you feel,
10:20but also in a more vulnerable situation,
10:22because you also have to take care of a baby.
10:25First, ask yourself,
10:27as an independent woman,
10:29could you get pregnant
10:31and then take care of your daughter?
10:33Or son?
10:34Yes, I feel capable.
10:36I feel capable of getting my son,
10:39my baby, through.
10:41That's very good.
10:42That's very good,
10:43because now at least you have the possibility
10:45and the tools to be economically independent
10:48and you don't depend on another person.
10:50Therefore, I think that, in that sense,
10:52feel at ease.
10:53Are you working?
10:55No.
10:56I found out when I went to do an exam
10:59that I was going to work at Faena,
11:02and the nurse told me
11:04that I couldn't go to Faena
11:06because I was pregnant.
11:09So, I'm not working.
11:13Of course.
11:14And it's hard to find a job.
11:16That's why I was going to tell you
11:18that when he takes me to his house,
11:21to feel dependent on him,
11:25it complicates me.
11:27Because he's going to take credit from me.
11:30That's what I feel.
11:31Of course, you have the intention
11:33or the desire to move forward alone,
11:35but clearly, in your condition,
11:37you have to be very realistic,
11:38because in this country it's hard to find a job
11:40when a person, a woman, is pregnant.
11:42Jairo, what do you want to say to Paola?
11:44Look, I was listening to her very carefully.
11:46First, I want to send her a big hug.
11:48And I listened to what Marcelo said.
11:50Yes, he's right,
11:51that many times, due to immaturity, we are jealous.
11:53But from what I was hearing,
11:55our specialist can tell us a little more about that.
11:58He's a jealous guy.
12:00He makes up stories in his head.
12:02Beyond the usual,
12:04because you can get a little jealous
12:06about a situation.
12:07But I feel that this goes beyond the limit.
12:10And I think, how could I make that future
12:13with this person later on,
12:15and also with a child.
12:17I just want to send you a hug, dear,
12:19and here we are for what you may need.
12:21The specialists have tremendous information
12:23to help us all, so we can all learn
12:25from this situation you live in, dear Paola.
12:27So, a big hug.
12:28Yes, Paola, pay close attention,
12:30because Barbara Canepa, who is a psychologist,
12:32is going to start talking to you,
12:33and probably she will also have some questions for you.
12:35But don't worry.
12:37Ok, thank you.
12:39Hi, Paola.
12:41I'm moved by your story,
12:43and everything you are experiencing now.
12:46The truth is that I think we are all a little moved
12:49by what you communicate to us,
12:51and you do it in such a coherent and felt way
12:54that we all feel, next to you,
12:56deeply vulnerable.
12:58This is a story that, in a way,
13:00Paola, you don't feel alone,
13:02because all of us, men and women,
13:04have had to experience it,
13:06or that someone very close to you also experiences it.
13:09And the truth is that you feel like in a tunnel
13:11without an exit, like drowned,
13:13like you can't breathe.
13:15And yes, the truth is that it's hard,
13:18because it's a topic that paralyzes you,
13:21it immobilizes you, and it's very painful,
13:24especially if you are pregnant.
13:26Believe me, we understand you.
13:28I understand you.
13:30But you also have to know that,
13:32from what you said, you count on your mom.
13:34You are not alone.
13:36What she says is super positive.
13:38Despite going through a period of depression,
13:40which shows that you are still very vulnerable,
13:42very vulnerable,
13:44you don't feel guilty for trusting someone.
13:46It's not your mistake.
13:48There are simply people who,
13:50in adulthood, we relate to each other,
13:52and after a few months, they show a different face.
13:54It's not that you made a mistake.
13:56They are people who are practically specialists in that.
13:58And they know who to point to,
14:00because you are vulnerable.
14:02It's not your fault.
14:04She said it at some point,
14:06that she felt that she lacked affection,
14:08and that led her to be with this person
14:10longer than it was necessary.
14:12Longer than it was necessary,
14:14because as a woman,
14:16we are always very committed,
14:18and we always bet more.
14:20I'm going to understand, I'm going to give another chance.
14:22Let's try this.
14:24If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.
14:26It's never going to happen again.
14:28I'm going to change, of course.
14:30And it's not like that many times.
14:32So I have a question.
14:34Well, two things.
14:36First, you have to distinguish
14:38in your relationship as a couple
14:40if the conflict is real or imaginary.
14:42You may have a real conflict,
14:44but the origin is imaginary,
14:46because you have not done anything
14:48to deserve this type of treatment,
14:50this type of complaint,
14:52this type of recrimination.
14:54Therefore, it is imaginary.
14:56Imaginary is that it is in your partner's head.
14:58It has not happened. It is not real.
15:00There is nothing he can see.
15:02It would be different if he found you at the motel.
15:04It would be different if he had caught you
15:06talking lovingly,
15:08because you have all the freedom
15:10through WhatsApp,
15:12posting things on social media.
15:14But it is different if you are
15:16lovingly or erotically
15:18talking to someone, or if he finds you at a motel,
15:20or if he finds you and you have lied,
15:22that you said you went to hang out
15:24with your mom and your friend,
15:26and in reality you are in a bar dancing like crazy.
15:28That would be something else.
15:30But it's not like that.
15:32This is imaginary because it is in your partner's head.
15:34Having clarified this,
15:36I ask you, Paola,
15:38when you have talked to him,
15:40because I imagine you have talked to him,
15:42and you have cried countless times,
15:44and he has told you,
15:46never again, Paola,
15:48when he realizes that he is actually crazy,
15:50does he realize?
15:52Has he told you,
15:54I was wrong because
15:56this is fantasy in my head?
15:58Has he told you?
16:00We have talked many times,
16:02but he blames me.
16:04He keeps blaming me.
16:06He feels that he is always right.
16:08We have had proof,
16:10my friend has shown proof,
16:12but he is a person
16:14like he has the magic ball,
16:16like he knows everything.
16:18Paola, and despite everything,
16:20despite everything,
16:22that he blames you,
16:24he is still jealous,
16:26because jealousy is also part of the distrust
16:28that he has towards you,
16:30does he want to continue with you
16:32despite all that?
16:34Yes, he wants to continue with me.
16:36For example,
16:38I told him about the pregnancy
16:40two weeks ago,
16:42and we have not talked,
16:44we have not sat down to talk
16:46because we have not seen it.
16:48But he says to prepare my things
16:50because they are going to pick me up,
16:52because all these pregnancies have been
16:54very good,
16:56I am too anxious, too nervous,
16:58I have an abortion alert,
17:00I am in bed.
17:02I told Paola at the same time.
17:04Something happens to me that comes to my mind
17:06and I want you to take it into account.
17:08The first time he tells you
17:10that baby is mine,
17:12and he doubts you,
17:14be careful,
17:16because the guy who is jealous
17:18is going to jump at any minute
17:20saying, maybe who is the baby?
17:22Look, you are so vulnerable
17:24that of course I understand Paola,
17:26let's understand her,
17:28she wants it,
17:30but she also has positive characteristics
17:32that now when she is vulnerable,
17:34the only thing she remembers
17:36is that it will be like it was,
17:38it will be like it was,
17:40it will be my thing,
17:42she said, I have doubted myself,
17:44she has turned off her essence of living,
17:46she is hidden inside,
17:48as if she postponed all her being
17:50to adapt to this situation
17:52and relationship.
17:54In that context,
17:56Paola,
17:58I understand,
18:00but maybe you can go live with your mom,
18:02someone who takes care of you,
18:04because at this moment,
18:06first, don't make a decision,
18:08I would say don't make any decision
18:10to continue with him or not,
18:12they had already separated,
18:14but the baby is not to blame,
18:16and you must continue the pregnancy,
18:18without a doubt it will take you to a happy shore,
18:20but the data you just gave me is relevant,
18:22and relevant for all people
18:24who live in this type of situation,
18:26it is important that you show proof,
18:28what happens to the crisis,
18:30that anyone could say,
18:32oh, he was in a crisis,
18:34oh, he got out of his mother,
18:36no, he got out of that,
18:38and he still thinks the same,
18:40there is not much future,
18:42first, you could send him to therapy,
18:44they could seek help,
18:46it is a very good alternative,
18:48but if he does not recognize it,
18:50which is the first step,
18:52because the therapy is going to come from adornment,
18:54literally,
18:56it is very difficult for a therapy to be useful,
18:58I'm sorry to tell you Paola,
19:00but the picture looks very dark,
19:02but I want to ask you two questions Paola,
19:04do you have the economic conditions
19:06to go to therapy,
19:08because we know that therapies are expensive,
19:12we have been willing to therapy,
19:16because he has told me that this baby
19:18changes everything,
19:20practically,
19:22I feel safer
19:24than being pregnant,
19:26at no time did he feel insecurity,
19:28or doubt if the baby was his,
19:30until now,
19:32until now,
19:34the first thing he said was,
19:36it is my baby and you have to take care of it,
19:38and on the other hand,
19:40you were not working,
19:42did you stop working for some particular reason?
19:44Yes, when I separated
19:46from my marriage,
19:48when I was four years old,
19:50I dedicated myself to work a lot,
19:52then when I separated, I changed cities,
19:54and I had the economic situation
19:56as not to work,
19:58and dedicate myself 100% to my children,
20:00give a good quality as a mother,
20:02to my children,
20:04how many children do you have?
20:06I have two,
20:08one of 19 and the girl of 13 years,
20:10and your children realize
20:12the situation you are in,
20:14they accompany you, they advise you,
20:16does the 19-year-old realize everything?
20:18Yes, my 19-year-old son realizes,
20:20but for example of the pregnancy,
20:22they still do not know anything,
20:24but in a few minutes
20:26you will have to tell him.
20:28Yes, we are looking for the moment
20:30to tell them both,
20:32because we have had strong emotional problems,
20:34so it is not like
20:36to tell them at this time.
20:38How are your children?
20:40I would like to ask you because it is also relevant,
20:42how are your children with the issue of separation?
20:44Separation with the father?
20:46No, no, no,
20:48in the background,
20:50your term of relationship,
20:52has it affected them?
20:54Are they calm? Does it give them the same?
20:56Yes, almost the same,
20:58they tell me if I'm fine
21:00alone or with someone,
21:02it doesn't matter that I'm fine.
21:04Yes, but that is very important,
21:06because at least it has the support of your son,
21:08this has not affected them.
21:10Two important things,
21:12a lot of important things,
21:14but among those
21:16is that Paola, I think you
21:18must look for individual help.
21:20One thing is couple therapy,
21:22which I think could be an alternative if he is willing.
21:24That does not mean couple therapy,
21:26going to live together or going to his house,
21:28it would be important that they had support,
21:30but without making the decision to go live with him,
21:32it is almost like a previous condition,
21:34one thing.
21:36Individual therapy for you, you must look for help
21:38because you are very vulnerable,
21:40it is very difficult to face your pregnancy
21:42and your children.
21:44Now, sit down with your children,
21:46without a doubt they are understanding,
21:48they have already gone through a separation,
21:50sit down with them and tell them the truth,
21:52tell them how you feel.
21:54It is not the most painful and dark part
21:56that you still do not have clear.
21:58One of the keys to get closer to our children
22:00and tell them what is happening
22:02is to tell them what we are sure of,
22:04what we do handle,
22:06not what we do not handle.
22:08The problem is that you still cannot make the decision,
22:10so tell your children
22:12that you are evaluating
22:14if you continue with him as a couple,
22:16but that does not mean
22:18that you three
22:20were and will be
22:22a family of three
22:24and now a fourth is approaching.
22:26That does not change the family life,
22:28it does not change the dynamics
22:30and in the future you will make the decision
22:32and you will talk to them about
22:34whether you go with the other person or not.
22:36Your daughter is 13 years old,
22:38do not expose her to
22:40and make a decision
22:42for protection,
22:44that we all understand you,
22:46but try not to do it,
22:48to go with the father of your baby
22:50because she will be the most harmed
22:52in addition to you,
22:54because she will live all your pain,
22:56all your fear, that uncertainty
22:58and that anguish in which you live,
23:00do not transmit it to your children,
23:02try to prevent them from going through that
23:04and tell them the truth,
23:06sit down with them and tell them the truth,
23:08except what, as I told you,
23:10you are not sure, tell them what you do know,
23:12you have a baby, you are going to face it,
23:14it is a new member
23:16that is incorporated into this family of three,
23:18a little brother, little sister
23:20and it is a reason for happiness,
23:22try to feed your heart
23:24with that information and also
23:26the life and the heart of your children
23:28who are your great support at this time, Paola.
23:30Paola, when you listen to Barbara,
23:32does something make sense to you,
23:34do you have doubts, other things,
23:36some advice,
23:38what can we help you with?
23:40Because I imagine that you are listening attentively
23:42and there is something that Barbara can tell you
23:44and maybe it is easy to say it,
23:46but I will not be able to do it.
23:48How do you receive this advice, this guidance?
23:54I needed to listen to a professional
23:56or other people
23:58because as you say,
24:00it is easy to say it,
24:02it is difficult to question it.
24:04I have thought about leaving,
24:06I have thought about
24:08that the baby
24:10was going to solve the problems,
24:12I have also thought
24:14about changing my way
24:16of thinking about a relationship
24:18because I also had guilt
24:20because I had so much time
24:22in marriage, 24 years
24:24and he always
24:26criticized it,
24:28compared it,
24:30so I told him
24:32that my ex-husband was not like that,
24:34why are you like that?
24:36And he criticized me, my children criticized me,
24:38he called me mommy,
24:40my uncle is not like my dad,
24:42they are different people,
24:44you are heavy with him.
24:46So I feel that I also have guilt
24:48in this.
24:50What hurts me the most at this moment,
24:52what bothers me
24:54is that I feel
24:56very sad,
24:58I feel like a lot of pain,
25:00I feel anguished,
25:02the confinement of being lying down
25:04at rest anguishes me,
25:06I feel vulnerable,
25:08I was a super independent woman,
25:10super independent, I achieved my house alone,
25:12I achieved my car, my things alone,
25:14that also bothered him,
25:16how I achieved so many things
25:18in a
25:20short period.
25:22Hey Paulita, I would like to ask you
25:24a question and that you answer it with all your heart,
25:26let's do a little bit of imagination,
25:28let's think, what would have happened
25:30if you were not pregnant at this moment?
25:32Would you have thought
25:34of coming back with him?
25:36No.
25:38That's all I wanted to say.
25:40There is a very important point Paola,
25:42the decision to come back or not with him,
25:44it's not about having the baby and taking care of her together,
25:46because sometimes we can hurt the children more
25:48if they follow a toxic relationship.
25:50That's why I asked you in the beginning,
25:52if you are still in love with him,
25:54if at some point
25:56you are going to continue your life
25:58just for the baby,
26:00and here I can help you Barbara,
26:02that the decision does not go through that,
26:04because you can hurt even more.
26:06Exactly, Paola,
26:08we cannot make the decision for you,
26:10but everything we have told you
26:12is going the same way,
26:14and it is that you
26:16have your baby,
26:18you incorporate this new member who came as a blessing
26:20with your children,
26:22and nothing else.
26:24The couple relationship is not the most important thing in your life,
26:26and you will have to see that in the future.
26:28That he takes care of your paternal responsibility,
26:30of course, but not a couple relationship,
26:32because your couple relationship has already been between said.
26:34Regardless of what you say
26:36and confess that you have made mistakes
26:38and you feel so sorry for all the things you have lived,
26:40the truth is that we totally believe you,
26:42because you have not spread the pain.
26:44I feel with anguish and sorrow,
26:46because you have transmitted it to me,
26:48and we have the whole team here,
26:50but you cannot make a decision
26:52based on having a baby,
26:54because that will not unite the couple,
26:56it will not make it change,
26:58and for you to understand that you are depressed
27:00and you have had a bad time,
27:02it is because you have lived violence,
27:04and this is psychological and emotional violence,
27:06that is what you have lived, Paola,
27:08there is no doubt,
27:10regardless of whether you have made mistakes,
27:12that you also have responsibility,
27:14because there is always responsibility on the part of both,
27:16but another thing is to exercise control
27:18and emotional and psychological violence,
27:20which is what you have lived,
27:22and that is why you feel in this state,
27:24as if you were sunk,
27:26as if you could not breathe.
27:28Her state, being pregnant,
27:30of course she is much more sensitive,
27:32she feels very sad,
27:34there is a hypersensitivity there
27:36that is inevitable,
27:38that is why it is important
27:40that you do not make the decision now.
27:42Jairo, do you want to say something to Paola?
27:44Paola, in that same decision
27:46that Priscila or Barbara spoke about,
27:48I would like to ask you,
27:50how do you think his attitude would be
27:52if you tell him that you do not want to continue with him?
27:54What do you think?
27:56How is his reaction going to be?
27:58No, no, no, I told him,
28:00I told him on the phone,
28:02you know what, I'm pregnant,
28:04but this does not mean that I'm going to be with you,
28:06I told him,
28:08he asks me every day,
28:10how are you, how do you feel,
28:12I tell him,
28:14how is my baby,
28:16and I tell him,
28:18he does not know anything about me as a woman,
28:20he does not know anything,
28:22I just ask him
28:24how his baby is.
28:26But it will also be because
28:28as you have a baby from him,
28:30he will feel a little safer,
28:32you know him a little more,
28:34I say, maybe he can do,
28:36I don't know if the word is vengeful,
28:38but maybe not support you
28:40in the upbringing of your baby,
28:42in everything that corresponds to him as a father.
28:44That's what I wanted to ask you.
28:46No,
28:48I'm not afraid
28:50that he does not care about you as a father,
28:52he,
28:54everyone has been told,
28:56he is not a bad person,
28:58he is a very pleasant person,
29:00very correct,
29:02but when he got jealous,
29:04he never treated me badly,
29:06neither with a tie nor with insults,
29:08nothing,
29:10but it was his words,
29:12his words,
29:14so outspoken,
29:16that they made me doubt,
29:18they made me doubt.
29:20Violence anyway,
29:22violence does not need ties,
29:24aggressive, passive,
29:26and it has to be much worse,
29:28but Paola, look,
29:30let's go back to the moment
29:32when you said,
29:34I can't go on with him,
29:36let's go back to that moment,
29:38and how did you feel as a woman?
29:40And when they finally separate
29:42and he leaves the house,
29:44did you take a weight off?
29:46Did you feel relieved?
29:48Yes.
29:50And does she feel the lightness?
29:52Yes, because I told my family
29:54what was really going on
29:56as a couple,
29:58I had the courage to tell my sister,
30:00my mother,
30:02and they came to rescue,
30:04and I told them,
30:06and we talked,
30:08I told them the truth,
30:10and I felt relieved,
30:12super relieved,
30:14and what they did was
30:16that this couple left,
30:18they took me to another place,
30:20and I felt relieved,
30:22but with a lot of pain,
30:24a lot of pain.
30:26It is a situation that is inevitable,
30:28that you do not feel sorry,
30:30if you did not feel sorry,
30:32I mean, we leave for that,
30:34the pain, I think, Barbara,
30:36is necessary in a process like this.
30:38Of course, all separation,
30:40let's see, we leave,
30:42when we fall in love,
30:44the pain is inherent,
30:46here and there,
30:48a pain will come, always,
30:50the issue is how we approach it,
30:52how we interpret what is happening to us,
30:54you feel pain and it is totally normal,
30:56you are death, pain, you are full of pain,
30:58we feel it here,
31:00but do not worry,
31:02you are not forced to love your baby today,
31:04you are not forced to fall in love
31:06with your cat today,
31:08that is a myth,
31:10women do not fall in love with our baby,
31:12and we are angels immediately
31:14when we get pregnant,
31:16calm down with that,
31:18because you do not have to love him,
31:20but you are going to know him,
31:22you are going to guide him in your cat,
31:24you are going to talk to him,
31:26and little by little you will get to know him,
31:28and it is totally normal,
31:30because you had another expectation,
31:32you had another plan,
31:34you never imagined yourself
31:36involved in a situation like this,
31:38in doubt,
31:40that is why psychological and emotional violence
31:42is so terrible,
31:44and I hope we are all aware of that,
31:46and put a stop to time,
31:48it does not mean discarding people,
31:50it means doing a job,
31:52it means looking for help,
31:54not to lock ourselves,
31:56no, we have to look for help quickly,
31:58and what is the sign that we all have to be alert
32:00when we doubt,
32:02that doubt that you transmit is that,
32:04when they really make us doubt ourselves,
32:06when our essence disappears
32:08and is diluted in water as if one did not exist,
32:10there we are wrong,
32:12we have already touched the bottom.
32:14Of course, the doubt returns to you,
32:16Paola, when you find out that you are pregnant,
32:18because I imagine that when you make the decision,
32:20he leaves your house, you tell your family,
32:22you felt relieved at that moment,
32:24you also felt relieved at the time of exteriorizing
32:26what was happening to you,
32:28and there you were 100% sure
32:30of what you were doing,
32:32or am I wrong?
32:34Yes, what happens is that I was sure,
32:36because I had the courage to tell myself
32:38what was happening is because I was sure,
32:40but as I say,
32:42I feel frustrated,
32:44because I had a relationship,
32:46I had a divorce,
32:48a separation so painful,
32:50so painful that I as a woman
32:52I promised myself to get ahead,
32:54as a woman I promised myself to always look pretty,
32:56to become independent
32:58and not to fail again.
33:00But that does not depend on one,
33:02because the relationships are two,
33:04one can have all the intention,
33:06but do not propose that,
33:08because I think it can be a challenge
33:10that is very high
33:12and clearly can be frustrating,
33:14because you realize that sometimes
33:16you can fail in this relationship,
33:18maybe if you try again with another person
33:20you can fail again,
33:22but not for that,
33:24you are going to question yourself,
33:26hey, maybe he is not the right person.
33:28But always look pretty.
33:30That always,
33:32and that is what she has stopped doing,
33:34so I think that from today
33:36you are going to have to change,
33:38you are going to fix yourself today
33:40and you are going to look in the mirror
33:42and you are going to say,
33:44look what a queen I am,
33:46how pretty I look.
33:48Yes.
33:50I mean, I imagine, do you have canas?
33:52Yes.
33:54You have to go and cover them,
33:56if not, I can give you a tip,
33:58I can do it even in your house.
34:00What do you like about you?
34:02What do you like about you, Paola?
34:04What I like?
34:06I feel that despite everything
34:08that has happened to me,
34:10I am a positive person,
34:12that if I look in the mirror
34:14and if I feel pretty,
34:16I am a positive person,
34:18I fix myself,
34:20but I fix myself to be here locked up,
34:22because I have had the opportunity
34:24to go out, to meet more people,
34:26but I have not done it.
34:28But I am going to tell you one thing,
34:30and it is something that I generally apply,
34:32I want to tell you.
34:34Look, Saturday, Sunday,
34:36even if I don't have anything to do,
34:38even if I don't have to show my nose,
34:40I get up, I bathe, I dress,
34:42I comb my hair, I put on makeup
34:44and I go out.
34:46My mom always told me,
34:48invite me to go out,
34:50in case someone rings the doorbell
34:52and asks for a cup of sugar.
34:54And you know what, Paola?
34:56It is something that I have learned.
34:58I don't fix myself to be seen by the rest,
35:00I fix myself to pass in front of a mirror
35:02and say, how good I look!
35:04Now I got applause.
35:06Paola, I suggest you do that.
35:08And you know what?
35:10End up being a therapist.
35:12Do you want to go out?
35:14Besides, without knowing you,
35:16we want to go out and hug you.
35:18It is a pity that you are a little far away,
35:20but we would love to have a cup of tea with you,
35:22give you a hug and tell you
35:24that you are going to go out with everything forward.