Junior Taskmaster Episode 4
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00:00BUZZER
00:02Right, let's go.
00:04Ah!
00:11Can you tape this to my head?
00:12Er...
00:15Call plus call.
00:20That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
00:22APPLAUSE
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Hello, and welcome to Junior Taskmaster.
00:38My name is Rose Montecchio, and I'm the Junior Taskmaster.
00:41And we've got everything the grown-up show has,
00:43except instead of gross old comedians
00:46messing about with watermelons,
00:48we've got sprightly youths with a get-up-and-go attitude...
00:52..messing around with watermelons.
00:54It's technically different, right?
00:56Now, throughout the series,
00:5725 children will fight each other out for our amusement,
01:01kind of Hunger Games-style, yeah?
01:02They'll battle through five heats and two semis
01:05in the hope of reaching the grand final
01:07and winning glory for their district.
01:09It's kind of a Hunger Games joke, but...
01:12And, of course, this trophy!
01:14Wow!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:17Right. Wow.
01:19You know, it's made of solid gold,
01:21so if you don't like it, you can melt it down
01:23and buy a PS5 or whatever your kids are into.
01:26Now, tonight's winner will also take home all of the prize tasks.
01:30However, the contestants who come first and second
01:33will both win a spot in the semifinals.
01:36But who decides all of this?
01:38It's me! I'm in charge! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:40So, let's meet tonight's contestants.
01:43Please welcome Billy!
01:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:46Emily!
01:48Jamie!
01:50Kev!
01:52And Kyra!
01:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:57Now, I would like to introduce my assistant.
01:59He lives in the country with his wife and kids,
02:01but while he's here filming the show,
02:03I let him sleep on a camping bed in my kitchen.
02:05It's Mike Wozniak!
02:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:11Thank you, Rose.
02:12Ultimately, this is a show about the dangers of playing truant
02:15in order to go into the woods and, well,
02:18not to put too fine a point on it, foraged for mushrooms,
02:21often with very little or no fungus training,
02:24perhaps to make a ne'er-do-wells risotto
02:26or even a street-tough bolognese.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:30So, remember the rule.
02:31Don't be a toadstool fool.
02:33Stay in school.
02:35Cool?
02:37APPLAUSE
02:41You know, I actually applied for fungus school once,
02:43but they didn't have mushroom for me.
02:45Laugh! Laugh!
02:47Laugh!
02:49Thank you!
02:52Well done.
02:53Right, it's time for Mike to now reveal tonight's prize task.
02:56Thank you, Rose.
02:58Well, given that British children are notoriously bloodthirsty,
03:01for this week's prize task, we thought they'd enjoy bringing in
03:04the object that would be most useful in a zombie apocalypse.
03:08The winner of this episode gets to take everybody else's
03:10anti-zombie kit home with them,
03:12so let's open the gates of hell on this family show
03:14and see what the kids have to offer.
03:16Well, I want to start with Billy.
03:20I brought in a cactus.
03:23A cactus?
03:25So, the big cactus you can use to hit the zombies.
03:29Right. Yeah.
03:31And the small ones you can throw at the ground and they'll be like...
03:35They'll be trapped.
03:36Yeah.
03:37And they'll just be like,
03:39ow.
03:40Ow.
03:42Ow.
03:43Ow.
03:46But after the zombies are like,
03:48OK, I'm done with this. Bye.
03:50You can just recollect the cactus.
03:52I see. Yeah, but they can go around the cactuses, can't they?
03:58Are you building a sort of fortress of cacti
04:00or are you carrying them around in a sort of cactus scabbard?
04:03Yeah, I guess a cactus scabbard thing. Yeah.
04:06Yeah, I don't even know what a scabbard is
04:07and you just said it to a child.
04:08What is a scabbard?
04:10Basically, it's like a sheath for a sword or something.
04:13Oh, well, I feel silly now.
04:16Strong start. Pretty strong start, to be fair.
04:20Right, Emily, what have you brought in?
04:22So, I brought in mint oil because for zombies,
04:25mint makes a really big stink.
04:28Eventually, they will stay away from you,
04:31at least what we searched up on Google.
04:33Oh! OK, OK, OK.
04:36No-one ever said we couldn't do that.
04:37That wasn't a rule.
04:39You were getting quite defensive, Emily.
04:42Where does the mint oil go exactly?
04:44Spray it on them, they'll be dead without any breath.
04:47Oh, it also kills zombies.
04:49Kills them as well, but makes them smell minty fresh.
04:52That's fantastic. Not for them.
04:54Not for them. Right.
04:56I like to imagine zombies, like,
04:58answering things on Google Answers,
05:00being like, yeah, we don't like mint oil.
05:03Jamie, what is your object
05:05that will be the best in a zombie apocalypse?
05:08Roller skates with fireworks.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:13There they are.
05:14APPLAUSE
05:19So, you've got to get away, so you've got roller skates.
05:22Yep. But if you really, really need to get away,
05:24you've got fireworks.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:29Are you worried about singeing trousers?
05:31No.
05:32LAUGHTER
05:34What would you be wearing? This.
05:36Oh, right. You're a short-haired. Yeah.
05:39What if, like, a zombie is like,
05:40whoa, who's that cool dude on the roller skates with fireworks?
05:44I want to follow him and be his friend slash eat him, right?
05:47Well, the fireworks, they have sparks.
05:50Sparks will get in their eyes, they'll close your eyes,
05:53then I can go.
05:54This is wild. OK.
05:57Kev, what is your object
05:59that would be the best in a zombie apocalypse?
06:00Well, I brought in a zombie survival kit.
06:04OK. First, I thought I'd bring a bat to hit them with.
06:09Or play baseball if I got bored.
06:11OK.
06:13Bit of a hobby and a weapon. That's fantastic.
06:14So, we've got bats. Yes, wonderful.
06:16There's also a map and a rope.
06:19OK. I also brought in a gas mask,
06:22so then I can, like, breathe,
06:24because the zombies might smell.
06:26They'll smell of mint oil.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:30Yeah.
06:32Um, Kev, it is very responsible,
06:35but, I don't know, it's just like...
06:37Live a little, throw a cactus, do you know what I mean?
06:40All right, now, Kyra,
06:43what have you got for me in the zombie apocalypse?
06:45A pop-up coffin.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49There it is.
06:52So, I'd love for you to explain to me why
06:54this would be helpful in the zombie apocalypse.
06:57For one, the zombies already think you're dead,
07:00so they'll just leave you alone.
07:03Oh, right, so the idea is to get into the coffin?
07:05Yeah. Wow.
07:06So, that was for one. Was there a for two?
07:08Yeah, and you can also store snacks inside of it, so...
07:12LAUGHTER
07:13You can stay in there as long as you want.
07:15APPLAUSE
07:18It's a coffin that pops up, so is it kind of like inflatable?
07:21It looks like an inflatable or something, doesn't it?
07:23It's not inflatable, you just, like, set it up.
07:26Right. Like a travel coffin.
07:27Yeah, technically.
07:29Right, a coffin on the go? Yeah.
07:32For the businessman or woman, you know?
07:35What are you thinking, Rose?
07:36All right. Even though it was a good sell, it was a good sell,
07:40I don't know whether or not the zombie mint oil thing
07:43is necessarily true.
07:45So, it will be one point to Emily, right?
07:47Two points, I think, goes to Billy the cactus.
07:50It's a good idea, but that's what I'm saying.
07:53Kif, I'm going to give you three points.
07:55Four points to Jamie with the roller skate,
07:57but five points to Kyra with the pop-up coffin.
08:00I mean, come on.
08:01I love it.
08:03I'm a morbid girl.
08:06Right, it is time for the first task of the night.
08:08What have we got, Mikey boy?
08:10Ice cream headaches, seagull attacks,
08:11swimming trunks that you didn't realise went out of fashion in 1972.
08:15Just some of the things that can go wrong on a trip to the seaside.
08:17So, we've cut all of that out of this next task
08:20and just left the best bits.
08:21The sandcastles and, of course, the plinths.
08:33BELL CHIMES
08:40Hello, Emily.
08:41Hello.
08:42Mister.
08:45Hello. Hello, Kif.
08:47Hello, Kyra. Hello, mate.
08:52Jamie.
08:54Hello. How are you?
08:55Good, thanks.
08:57Hello, Billy. Hi.
08:59Can I read it? I think that's a great idea.
09:04Without damaging the sandcastle...
09:06Transfer the sandcastle from plinth A to plinth B.
09:11The least damaged sandcastle wins.
09:13You have five minutes. Your time starts now.
09:16OK.
09:17Wait, my question is, how did you make a perfect sandcastle on that?
09:21That's, like, impossible.
09:23Some of us have just got it.
09:24When it comes to sandcastles...
09:27I just want to punch it.
09:34Kyra, your first reaction was, like,
09:35how do you build a sandcastle that perfect?
09:38I took it as a compliment at the time,
09:40but I realised she was just suspicious that something was going on.
09:42Yeah. Did everyone like making sandcastles?
09:45No. You hate it?
09:46No. Like, you're so happy to build a sandcastle.
09:49Yeah. You take the thing off, it just all collapses.
09:52Yeah, the follies of youth. Yeah.
09:54Billy, you were a fan of making them.
09:56I do like making them, but...
10:00Actually, now that I think about it, there's not really much point.
10:04LAUGHTER
10:06Should we just watch someone have an existential crisis?
10:08Yeah, yeah, yeah, straight into nihilism.
10:10LAUGHTER
10:12Um, Mike, who's first?
10:14OK. Well, let's see how Emily got on, shall we?
10:17Mm.
10:18MUSIC PLAYS
10:22What are you thinking?
10:23I'm just going to look around.
10:25So, I'm going to go in here.
10:26MUSIC CONTINUES
10:29MUSIC CONTINUES
10:31What are you looking for in the shed?
10:32Hey.
10:33Talk me through what you're thinking.
10:35You'll see, you'll see.
10:37I'll see? Yes, you'll see.
10:38OK.
10:39Also, what is this portrait?
10:42Like, it could be a portrait of me.
10:44I'm going to bend the rules.
10:46How are you going to bend the rules? Which rules?
10:48You'll see, you'll see.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:50I'll bend loads of rules here.
10:52LAUGHTER
10:55LAUGHTER
11:00So, do you feel like you've damaged the sandcastle at all?
11:03Um, a little bit.
11:06A lot, maybe.
11:07I don't care. I'm going to rebuild it.
11:09What sort of things do you use to make sandcastles?
11:11You'll see, you'll see, you'll see!
11:12You'll see, you'll see. It's just become a catchphrase.
11:15So, I'm putting this in, so I can rebuild the whole thing.
11:20Is that possible?
11:22I need to do this all quickly.
11:2430 seconds. 30 seconds?
11:26Yeah. OK, um, just,
11:27hello, Rose, and where's Daddy Rose?
11:30Daddy Rose.
11:32I'm done.
11:34WHISTLE BLOWS
11:36Thank you, Emily.
11:37Bye-bye.
11:38LAUGHTER
11:40APPLAUSE
11:45Wow.
11:46Wow.
11:54OK, I want your first thoughts.
11:56I had basically done it.
11:58You said bring the sandcastle,
12:00but you never said we couldn't bring the sandcastle apart.
12:03I mean, that's flimsy logic there, I've got to say.
12:07But, Emily, there is so much that I love about this.
12:11Like, first of all, what's this Daddy Rose business?
12:14Who's Daddy Rose?
12:16Where is Daddy Rose?
12:19I'm asking Rose a question.
12:21Where's her daddy?
12:23LAUGHTER
12:25OK, that was unexpected.
12:28I don't know where my daddy is, Emily.
12:32I'll find him one day, but...
12:34I will have to say, there was a bit of a catchphrase forming in this.
12:39I mean, you know what I'm about to say.
12:40No, I don't. You'll see, you'll see.
12:43You'll see, you'll see.
12:45You'll see in the future.
12:46Yeah. Like, patience is the key.
12:51Maybe learn from that.
12:54Right, I think these guys need a little time to cool off
12:56while we have a break.
12:58Shall I get the ice baths ready?
12:59I think so, yeah. See you shortly.
13:01APPLAUSE
13:14Hello, and welcome back to Junior Taskmaster.
13:17What's next on the agenda, Mike?
13:19Here's Kyra, here's Jamie, here's Kev.
13:26So... What are you thinking?
13:27I've got to move that over there.
13:30Move the pink?
13:32Yeah, I'll move this one over here, so it's easier.
13:36I need something I can scoop it up with.
13:38Can I go in the shed?
13:39Are you going to do your goofy walk?
13:41Goofy walk? What do you mean?
13:45What kind of thing are you looking for?
13:46A shovel? Is there a shovel?
13:48Is there, like, a shovel or something in here?
13:51What's your plan? You've got a massive flipper.
13:53Yeah. Pick it up with the flipper.
13:55Yeah.
13:57Pick it up without the flipper.
14:00No, that's not working.
14:07Oh, God, it's falling apart.
14:09How do you normally move a sandcastle?
14:11Well, I don't usually move them.
14:14What do you normally use for moving stuff between plinths?
14:18Um, usually my hands or something.
14:20Just your hands.
14:21No, that isn't going to work.
14:27Got 90 seconds left.
14:2990 seconds? 90 seconds left.
14:33What are you thinking?
14:34Could I switch the stickers around by chance?
14:37It's completely destroyed it.
14:40Yes, it's working.
14:46There we go. Now this.
14:47It looks like there's an A.
14:49No. Oh, no, my shoes.
14:53Come off, you little bum-bum pippo head.
14:57Can you detect any element of damage at all?
15:00No. No?
15:01WHISTLE BLOWS
15:03No. No?
15:04WHISTLE BLOWS
15:06Got ten seconds left.
15:08Shush.
15:10It's now or never.
15:14WHISTLE BLOWS
15:16That's not very good.
15:18WHISTLE BLOWS
15:19OK, then. No. Look, it's still a B.
15:22Thanks, Kyra. Lovely.
15:24Thanks, Kev. How do you think that went?
15:26All right.
15:28Sure?
15:29No.
15:33Wow.
15:35Wow.
15:40It was the move of the Prince crew.
15:41I love it. Now, OK, Jamie and Kev,
15:44you went for very, very different tools, I feel.
15:47Kev, did you go for a flipper?
15:49I couldn't find my shovels.
15:51Right.
15:52And then, Jamie, tennis rackets are notoriously full of holes.
15:57So, as a utensil to try and get sand from one thing to another,
16:01it wasn't that successful, was it?
16:03No, I don't think it was.
16:05Didn't enjoy that.
16:07It showed incredible strength and stoicism in that, I mean,
16:10it was driving rain, wasn't it?
16:12Didn't complain at all about that.
16:13The only complaint you had was when some sand went on your shoes.
16:16That was it.
16:17Now, Kyra, I've got to say, you're a thinker.
16:20I love how you approach the plinths.
16:22It wasn't all calm. It wasn't.
16:24What you did when you were taking off the B,
16:26I think you were... How did you describe it?
16:28A little bum-bum poo-poo head.
16:30LAUGHTER
16:32Because it was a bum-bum poo-poo head.
16:35LAUGHTER
16:36Can't argue with that.
16:37I would love to see how Billy got on, Mike.
16:40Certainly. Here you go.
16:41OK.
16:43What are you thinking, Billy?
16:45To the shed!
16:48Tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape.
16:50All right.
16:54What's the plan here? Eating the sellotape first, eh?
16:56No.
16:58Cutting it.
17:01This is the tricky part.
17:02Making the A penistry look like it's a B penistry.
17:15Ah! Done.
17:17Done? A and B.
17:22SHE SCREAMS
17:25Thanks, Billy. Yeah.
17:27You off?
17:29Yeah.
17:30APPLAUSE
17:36I just made...
17:38You must be pretty pleased with yourself with that.
17:42The results speak for themselves.
17:45Basically, I was thinking,
17:46hey, why don't I just say that it's on penistral B
17:51when it's on penistral A?
17:52Then I saw that I had the A on it, so I was like,
17:55hey, why don't I cover up the A?
17:57So then I went to the shed, I got the tape,
18:01I went back out and I taped the letter on.
18:06You seem to walk in a very similar way zombies walk.
18:09That's what I've noticed, actually.
18:11Although, I've got to say, that B could be an eight.
18:14I don't want to be that guy.
18:15That B looked like it could be a bit of an eight.
18:18Did that B look like an eight?
18:21Do not draw all A. Hang on now.
18:25You're trying to appeal to the crowd here.
18:28I've got to point out one thing. OK.
18:30I actually switched it around. He just covered them up.
18:34Oh!
18:36Which means there was still technically a B under the A
18:40and an A under the B.
18:42But if you think about it, the tape was half on it.
18:46It was half on it. What difference does that make?
18:49OK, OK, OK.
18:50No, we're not going to get to miss it.
18:52You both did very, very clever things and yet you're fighting.
18:55You're two geniuses fighting.
18:57It's like Mozart and Salieri. I hate it.
19:01Now, I do want to see all of these sandcastles
19:04next to each other, if that's possible.
19:06Your wish is my command.
19:07Oh, no.
19:09Jamie!
19:11Let's begin with Emily.
19:12If anything, you've added something to the plan there.
19:16You've kind of maintained the integrity of the top of the castle,
19:19which I do like.
19:20Jamie, yeah, it's halfway between two plinths,
19:23but it's got the flag on top.
19:25I do appreciate that.
19:27And then, obviously, Billy and Kyra,
19:29look, those are some perfect castles,
19:31and they're on plinth B.
19:33Now, Emily, it did look an absolute mess.
19:36So, we will be giving you one point.
19:38Jamie, I'm going to give you two points.
19:40Kef, three points.
19:41Look, I am actually compelled by Kyra's argument
19:44in the sense that there was an A under the B,
19:46whereas you did take the full B off.
19:49It's minor things, but guess what?
19:53I'm an adult and can do what I like.
19:56So, four points to Billy and five points to Kyra,
19:58but well done.
19:59Well done.
20:00APPLAUSE
20:07All right, shall we see how that looks on the scoreboard?
20:10Well, here it is.
20:11Emily's on two points.
20:12There's Billy, Jamie and Kef all in the middle with six,
20:15and Kyra, at the moment, streaks ahead with ten.
20:18Wow!
20:22All right.
20:23All righty, I would like to see another task now, please.
20:26Ooh, it's a choice one, this.
20:28Now, we know that these contestants are five of the most
20:30physically powerful children in the land,
20:34but can they do strategic thinking?
20:49Jamie.
20:50Hello.
20:52Hello, me.
20:53Hello, Kyra.
20:54Hello. Hello.
20:55Hello.
20:56Kef.
20:57Hello.
20:58Hello.
20:59Billy.
21:00Hi.
21:13Hello.
21:14Hello, Emily.
21:15Feeling ready?
21:16Yeah.
21:18Shall we task it up?
21:19Yeah. OK.
21:23Do one of these five things.
21:25Take five pounds.
21:27Paint your face blue.
21:29Eat a lemon.
21:30Dress up like Mike.
21:32Go to the caravan, open the door and shout,
21:35I'm on a caravan holiday!
21:38If you are the only person to do your chosen thing,
21:42you win five points.
21:43If anyone else does the same thing you choose,
21:45you get zero points.
21:47You have five minutes.
21:48Time starts now.
21:52I'm thinking people are going to overthink it.
21:54You're thinking about people overthinking?
21:56Yeah.
21:57See, if I take the five part, do I get to keep it?
22:00What do you think?
22:12Wow.
22:13Tricky, tricky, a bit of a mind-bang one here.
22:16Either way, all or nothing, you know, five points
22:18if you choose something that no-one else chooses,
22:20nothing if you choose something that anyone else chooses.
22:23Um, I do want to say, Kev, I love thinking about overthinking.
22:27That was a real mind-bending thing, wasn't it?
22:29I was overthinking overthinking.
22:32You were overthinking overthinking?
22:34That's wild.
22:36Kyra, you were quite interested in the five, weren't you?
22:38What might you have spent that on?
22:40Got it at a theme park.
22:43Oh, Mike's getting you a lot there.
22:44It's a...
22:46It's a discount, I'm friends with the owner.
22:52So, what have we got now?
22:54Shall we then see how Kyra, Jamie and Emily fit?
22:57Yes.
22:58OK. Here we go.
23:03What are you thinking?
23:05I don't know.
23:06Definitely don't dress up like you, cos, I don't know.
23:10I think there's going to be, like,
23:12two people that shout the caravan thing.
23:17Paint their face blue.
23:19Because, like, no-one would want to do that to their face.
23:24Someone's definitely silly enough to paint themselves blue.
23:31You haven't seen the five-pound note or the lemons?
23:34I think someone would eat the lemons, you know?
23:36Do you?
23:37I think I might eat a lemon.
23:42LAUGHTER
23:49Right, I'm going to eat it like I'd eat an orange.
23:52Tell me why you've made that decision.
23:55Cos I think no-one else would do it.
23:57Mm-hm.
24:04How's that?
24:05Yeah, it's really nice.
24:06Mm-hm.
24:08Oh!
24:11What do you think you look like?
24:13I think I look like a puss mud.
24:17Oh!
24:18What would make it go down smoother?
24:20Um...
24:22If I had water. Mm-hm.
24:24Would you like some water? Yes.
24:26Mm, I bet you would.
24:29Everything all right?
24:32Oh, God, what's going to happen to me later?
24:35Done.
24:36WHISTLE
24:38Blech.
24:39WHISTLE
24:42Oh, God.
24:43Thank you, Jamie.
24:45How do you feel?
24:46Not very good.
24:47Thanks, Emily.
24:48Bye.
24:54I'll take the fibre while I'm at it as well, is that OK?
24:56All the information's in the task.
24:58This is why I don't like you.
25:00APPLAUSE
25:04APPLAUSE
25:09Blah, blah, blah, blah.
25:14Both of you were convinced that no-one else
25:16would paint their face blue.
25:17Why was that?
25:18I thought because I was a weirdo, no-one else would do it.
25:22Trust me.
25:23No. I don't know.
25:24I looked like I was doing skincare.
25:26An old lady who has crusty, musty skin
25:29just trying to do her skincare to look better.
25:31And I said,
25:32I don't know.
25:36Jamie, you are the greatest actor of our generation.
25:38I think, at one point, Mike asked if that was good
25:41and you went, yeah, it's nice.
25:44I had cuts on my lips.
25:46Oh, Jamie, you didn't mention that at the time.
25:49I didn't know I had cuts on my lips.
25:52That's how you find out, isn't it?
25:55The idea, the very prospect of dressing up as Mike,
25:58Kyra, you did not react well to that.
26:00You said, definitely don't dress up like you, Mike.
26:02Why is that?
26:05You can see it.
26:07Come on.
26:09I'm only joking, makes my bestie.
26:11Oh, that's so sweet.
26:14I thought I was your... No, it's fine.
26:16No, it's fine.
26:18Time to power down for a few minutes and have a little rest.
26:21See you after the break.
26:33Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.
26:36How was our break for you? Where did you go?
26:38How did you see? Tell me everything.
26:40Wait, no, sorry, we don't have time for that.
26:42I don't have a watch on.
26:43That's not your business, OK?
26:46Who's next?
26:47Shall we see what happened with Billy and Kev?
26:49Yes.
26:52OK, Kev, what's it going to be? What are you thinking?
26:54I'm thinking to eat the five pounds.
26:56Why's that?
26:57Well, just because I think all the people would like to eat lemons
27:01and paint their face blue.
27:05What are you thinking, Billy? Eating a lemon.
27:07Straight to the lemon?
27:09You've made your decision.
27:12I'm going to eat half of it.
27:13OK.
27:14MUSIC PLAYS
27:28So quite a lot of the lemon seems to be going straight back out again.
27:31HE COUGHS
27:34Why don't you want to paint your face blue?
27:36I don't like painting.
27:38It's a nice suit.
27:41I do really want to go to the caravan and shout that, though.
27:45Decisions, decisions, eh?
27:47MUSIC PLAYS
27:50HE SPITS
27:51HE SCREAMS
27:52What does it taste of?
27:53HE CHUCKLES
27:55Pure pain.
27:56Pure pain?
27:57HE GROANS
27:59I think I'm going to go to the caravan.
28:01You're going to go to the caravan?
28:02Yep.
28:03OK, I mean, you're lurching heavily between choice to choice.
28:08HE GROANS
28:10How was that?
28:12Good.
28:13So you think they won't like the caravan,
28:14but they will like the lemons?
28:15Honestly, I just kind of want to paint my face blue now.
28:18Are you going to eat the peel?
28:23No-one knows.
28:24No-one knows?
28:26Do I know?
28:28I don't know.
28:29I just like going... I like the caravan.
28:31MUSIC PLAYS
28:32Have you made a decision?
28:34Yep.
28:35Good.
28:37Am I blue?
28:38AUDIENCE GROANS
28:40MUSIC CONTINUES
28:43MUSIC STOPS
28:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
28:54Oh, Kip, Kip, Kip.
28:57You joined the blue man group.
28:59I should have just gone to the caravan.
29:00Right, right.
29:02See, I could feel the pain in that indecision,
29:04whereas Billy, straight for the lemons there,
29:08and that just looked, honestly, hideous.
29:12I think most of it went on the floor
29:15instead of down my stomach.
29:16Right.
29:17They had fun whilst we was going through absolute pain.
29:20It hurts.
29:22It was your decision.
29:23Oh, my God.
29:24It was his decision.
29:26They've become self-policing.
29:27No!
29:28I don't even know.
29:29I don't know.
29:30I have no clue why you're all arguing.
29:32You all did terribly on that.
29:33You all equally did terribly,
29:35so there's no point in arguing there.
29:37You did nothing.
29:38Me?!
29:39LAUGHTER
29:42Look, I might be feeling generous.
29:45I could be like, oh, I want to give a bonus point to someone
29:47who really made me laugh or I really like.
29:49But guess what?
29:50I'm not going to.
29:51LAUGHTER
29:52So, it means no points for any of you.
29:55Ah, yes, good, good, good, good, good, good.
29:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:59APPLAUSE
30:01Just tell me what this task is, right?
30:03Well, this is a ticking clock time-pressure task
30:05requiring stone-cold tenacity
30:07and the ability to move pebbles with your mind or hands.
30:10LAUGHTER
30:25DOOR OPENS
30:28DOOR CLOSES
30:29Hello, Kev.
30:30Hello.
30:31Make.
30:32Hello.
30:33Hello, mister.
30:35Hello, miss.
30:36HE GIGGLES
30:39Hi.
30:40LAUGHTER
30:41Hello, Jamie.
30:42Hello.
30:44Stones.
30:45Bang on.
30:46What do you make of the caravan?
30:48It's nice.
30:49Are you a caravan kind of guy?
30:51Nothing wrong with them.
30:54I'm going to see what I need to do.
30:56OK.
30:58Leave no stone unturned.
31:02When you have turned over all of the stones,
31:04you must put your hands on your head and shout,
31:07No stone is unturned!
31:09Most turned stones wins.
31:11You have five minutes.
31:12Your time starts now.
31:15What are you thinking?
31:16Eh, turn over all the stones?
31:18Yeah, it's a simple strategy, isn't it?
31:20But I like it.
31:21You have five minutes.
31:24What's the last line?
31:27Your time starts now.
31:29LAUGHTER
31:30APPLAUSE
31:33Wow.
31:37Very interesting.
31:38Was that the first time in a caravan for anyone?
31:40Really?
31:41What?
31:42LAUGHTER
31:43Jamie, do you go on caravan holidays?
31:45Uh, yeah.
31:47Do you? Where have you been?
31:48Um, I go to Cromer and...
31:52..somewhere else.
31:53I love somewhere else.
31:54Both great spots.
31:56Both great spots.
31:57I must say, during that task, Mike was very annoying.
32:01Yeah.
32:02You'd all agree that Mike was very annoying?
32:03Yeah, he cut and cut.
32:05Oh, well, Jamie actually seems like you're holding out.
32:07You're actually quite kind to Mike.
32:09Am I?
32:10LAUGHTER
32:13You can still see them agreeing about something, though, isn't it?
32:15They're all agreeing.
32:16They're nice and proud of each other.
32:18Well, look, this is a pretty down, straightforward task.
32:21Shall we see how some of them got on, Mike?
32:22Yes, please. First up, it's Billy and Emily.
32:25Mm.
32:26MUSIC
32:30Have you got a strategy?
32:31Not really.
32:35I'm thinking just to turn over all the stones.
32:37Just turning over the stones.
32:41You a stone guy?
32:42Yeah. Geology guy?
32:44No.
32:45LAUGHTER
32:46MUSIC
32:49No stones on hand.
32:51Are you quite sure?
32:53No.
32:54LAUGHTER
32:57You've got three minutes left.
33:01No stones on hand.
33:03OK.
33:04WHISTLES
33:08Ah!
33:10Oh.
33:11What have you found?
33:13I found...
33:14Another bit of stone, a bit of blue tack,
33:16but I don't know why that's there.
33:18I don't know.
33:20Are you happy?
33:21No.
33:23Oh, God.
33:24Thanks, Billy.
33:25No, not you.
33:27We're blowing the whistle.
33:28Dang it!
33:30Dang it?
33:31Are you from 1867 Oklahoma?
33:33LAUGHTER
33:35There's stones over there and over there
33:39and over there and over there.
33:44LAUGHTER
33:47See you soon.
33:48Bye.
33:49Bye.
33:53Who are your favourite singers?
33:55I don't have one.
33:56Do you like, kind of, sort of soul stuff?
33:59Huh?
34:00Souly pop?
34:01Is that, um...
34:02What's the name? Joss?
34:04Mm.
34:05BELL RINGS
34:11No stones unturned.
34:14Done? Done.
34:15Yeah.
34:18WHISTLE BLOWS
34:19Oh, not done. Thank you, Emily.
34:21Thank you, Emily.
34:23LAUGHTER
34:27I guess.
34:28I saw that.
34:30I saw that as well.
34:32I saw that.
34:33LAUGHTER
34:34OK, bye. Bye.
34:37APPLAUSE
34:40Wow.
34:42You guys have watched that back.
34:44Would you have done any different strategies?
34:46Yes.
34:47Um, I think it was a bit silly to put on top of the clock,
34:50cos, like, the clock is really high,
34:52and, like, I'm a really shorty pants, I'm a shorty pants,
34:55so I wouldn't be able to reach it.
34:58OK. Yeah.
34:59Billy?
35:01I would have actually looked around.
35:04LAUGHTER
35:08We've all been there, and I think it takes a very mature person
35:11to just own up to it, so I enjoyed that.
35:14Who else have we got, Mike?
35:15Well, now it's time to see how Jamie and Kev got on.
35:18Ooh.
35:23I've got to, like, turn them.
35:25Yeah.
35:27I'm just going to flick them all over.
35:29Is flicking the same as turning?
35:31No, not really.
35:35Oh. Oh, God, there's loads.
35:41What movies are you into?
35:43Er...
35:44I don't know, like, Harry Potter, um, Twilight.
35:49What was the name of that?
35:51What was her name, the actor in Police Academy 4?
35:53No clue.
35:57I reckon there's something in the task that I'm missing.
36:00Is that your kind of fundamental gut impression?
36:03Your, er, sort of basic instinct, would you say?
36:07Can't think of a name.
36:08Sharon...
36:12LAUGHTER
36:18Ah, you're a stone.
36:20No, you're not.
36:22Oh, God, so many stones.
36:25What kind of music are you into?
36:27I like One Direction.
36:28So, who was it? She did the Super Bowl in 2006.
36:32I wouldn't be alive.
36:34Did you tape it or something?
36:36LAUGHTER
36:39What's over there?
36:40A big stone.
36:41How big are we talking, like a superstar?
36:43Er, it's decent.
36:45Big enough to win a Grammy.
36:46LAUGHTER
36:50Get out!
36:51Who, me? A stone.
36:52Oh.
36:53Oh, God.
36:55Thanks, Kev.
36:56I think I might have got...
36:58Thank you, Jamie.
37:01Bye. Bye.
37:04Ooh!
37:05APPLAUSE
37:09You both watching that back, you're like,
37:11ooh, how did I miss, say, you know,
37:13Joss Stone or, I don't know, Sharon Stone?
37:16I accidentally turned it over.
37:18Well, you did.
37:19Why are you ten years old?
37:21Yeah, exactly.
37:22You know what, Jamie, I'm on your side.
37:23A lot of unofficial merchandise made it into that.
37:27Mike, did you make that yourself?
37:28Guilty as charged.
37:30I've actually, I've made some Kevin Costner coasters.
37:34Give a fancy popping round mine over a weekend, check them out.
37:37I'm busy every weekend.
37:39Um...
37:42Oh, hang on.
37:44What's that sound?
37:45What's that sound?
37:46What? It looks like it's the adverts.
37:49And they're coming this way.
37:50Save yourselves!
37:51Ah!
38:05Welcome back to the final part of the show.
38:08Michelle, my belle, what's happening now?
38:10Before the break, we saw Jamie and Kev
38:12showing a real lack of knowledge of 80s Hollywood trivia.
38:15One more to go.
38:16It's Cairo.
38:22Shall we have a nice little chat while you're doing your stone turning?
38:24Yeah, no, thanks.
38:26Is this the sort of thing you've done before?
38:28No.
38:29Stone turning?
38:30No.
38:31Stone skimming?
38:33I said no!
38:35We can talk about films.
38:36It'll be quite fun, won't it?
38:37You're so annoying, do you know that?
38:41So, films-wise, best dog film, Marmaduke.
38:44It's a dog called Marmaduke, great dame.
38:46Um, falls in love with a border collie, I think it is,
38:49which sounds weird when you say it out loud,
38:51but ethically, if you think about it, it's probably OK.
38:56Like, who played it? It was...
38:58What's her name?
38:59LAUGHTER
39:02Emma something.
39:03Emma Pebble, is it?
39:05No.
39:06Emma something. Anyway, very good film.
39:08Almost as... Is this Where Sleeping Dogs Lie?
39:12Although that's not really about a dog, is it?
39:14But it's got that, um...
39:15She's really good at it. So what's her name?
39:17Sharon...
39:19Sharon... Oh, there's one.
39:21Oh, there's one. Sharon Granite, is it?
39:24No, that's not it.
39:25Whoa. Why's that got a sticker on the back of it?
39:29I don't know, I'm just going to leave that like that
39:31cos it's got a sticker on the back.
39:33Oh, I found one.
39:34You found a what? Rock.
39:36Are you supposed to turn the rocks?
39:37Yeah, turn it over.
39:39OK. You've got 30 seconds left.
39:41Oh.
39:43What have you found now?
39:44I don't know, I cannae see.
39:49I can't see.
39:50Is that a stool or something?
39:54Open.
39:57What have you found?
39:58A cup with a teabag in it.
39:59OK.
40:01Why's there teabags in here?
40:03I don't know. The main question is,
40:04what are you going to do with your last 20 seconds?
40:06I don't know. Try and find some more rocks.
40:09Oh, there's...
40:11You found another cupboard. I don't like you.
40:12Oh, you don't mean that.
40:16I think that's it.
40:17No stone is unturned.
40:19WHISTLE BLOWS
40:20Thank you, Clara.
40:21Yep.
40:29Pretty impressive.
40:31Yeah.
40:32At one point, Clara, you said,
40:34I don't like you to Mike, and I...
40:35Yeah, because he was being so annoying.
40:38But, look, maybe you want to take it back
40:40and maybe say something really nice about Mike.
40:44Do you have anything?
40:45Your hair looks nice.
40:47OK.
40:48That was... That didn't.
40:50That means a lot. That means a lot.
40:53That means a lot.
40:54But despite the relentless irritation, she nailed it.
40:57Do you want some stone-cold stats?
40:59I would love some. OK.
41:00Well, I can tell you that Billy turned over 70 stones,
41:03Emily turned over 109,
41:05Kev turned over 128 stones,
41:07Jamie turned over a whopping 135 stones,
41:11but Kyra turned over 137.
41:13GASPS
41:14Ooh!
41:16Yay!
41:17APPLAUSE
41:19There is a sign, of course, that two people didn't put their hands
41:23on their head and say, no stone is unturned.
41:25Now, you rule on that. What am I going to do?
41:28Honestly, with the vibe that you guys have as a group,
41:30I would not want to be walking in the car park after the show
41:34if I do take this away from some of you.
41:36So, I'm just going to go as the stones are.
41:39OK. So, that would be one point to Billy, two to Emily,
41:42three to Kev, four to Jamie and five points to Kyra.
41:45Well done.
41:46APPLAUSE
41:47All right.
41:51All righty. What has that done to the scores?
41:53I can tell you it's very tight in the middle.
41:55Billy on seven, Kev on nine, Jamie on ten.
41:57Soaring ahead is Kyra, with 15 points.
41:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:03All right.
42:05OK.
42:07You little legends, it's time to make your way over to the stage
42:10for the final task of the show.
42:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:14MUSIC
42:16APPLAUSE
42:18Ah.
42:20Who is reading the task tonight, Mike?
42:23Jamie's going to do the honours. Please, Jamie.
42:26HE SIGHS
42:28Stack the toilet rolls into a tower.
42:30When Mike honks his horn, you must move down two spaces to the left.
42:35Mike will honk his horn five times.
42:37Tallest tower on Mike's final whistle wins.
42:42OK. So, there's going to be five honks.
42:44HONKS
42:45Apart from the starting honk.
42:47HONKS
42:48Which doesn't count.
42:49So, it's move two spaces to the left when you move.
42:53Would I actually need to run round?
42:54Yeah, yeah, round the back.
42:55You run round the back, you'd end up here, yeah?
42:58So, one, two. Billy, where would you end up for the first one?
43:02Where Jamie is. Yeah, brilliant.
43:04I'm going to grab that off you.
43:06Everybody happy?
43:07Yeah. Yeah.
43:08Very best of luck on my honk.
43:11Begin.
43:12HONKS
43:13APPLAUSE
43:20HONKS
43:21Move two spaces, please, to your left.
43:23Move two spaces.
43:24Now I know a trick.
43:41Keep it simple, please.
43:43SCREAMS
43:50APPLAUSE
43:53HONKS
44:02No, no, no.
44:05HONKS
44:11SCREAMS
44:13HONKS
44:16I've lost all faith in humanity.
44:20SCREAMS
44:27OK, cool.
44:28All right.
44:29Calm on down.
44:30We're going to count those towers
44:32and we're going to have a good, hard think about who we are as people.
44:35All right? Get back down here.
44:37APPLAUSE
44:44Wow!
44:45That was amazing.
44:48And I know everyone was all over the place.
44:50Some people were standing in the wrong places.
44:52There were toilet rolls everywhere.
44:54But we have totted up the toilet rolls,
44:56we have counted it, we've gone to VAR,
44:58we've done everything,
44:59and we're going to go by these numbers.
45:01Points-wise, lowest tower with two rolls, one point, Billy.
45:05Joint coming in next, and so both with three points,
45:08Jamie and Kev.
45:09Kyra managed four rolls,
45:11and the winner with six rolls, Emily.
45:14APPLAUSE
45:15Wow, well done.
45:17Well done.
45:18I think all of you should be happy with getting any points for that.
45:23Let's go into the final scores, Mike.
45:25Well, strap yourself in, Rose,
45:27because the runner-up and the winner
45:29will be going through to the semis,
45:30so we're hitting the big-time Madam Dangerler show business,
45:33if I may use your middle name.
45:34You may not.
45:35Fair enough.
45:37OK, here it comes.
45:39In fifth place, with eight points, it is Billy.
45:42APPLAUSE
45:44Tied after that, in fourth place, with nine points, it's Emily.
45:47APPLAUSE
45:49In third, with 12 points, it's Kev.
45:52APPLAUSE
45:53With 13 points, and therefore going through to the semis.
45:56Coming in second place, it's Jamie.
45:58APPLAUSE
46:00Which means...
46:02Tonight's winner is Kyra.
46:03APPLAUSE
46:06Go on up and create the thing
46:07that would be most useful around the apocalypse.
46:10APPLAUSE
46:13Wow.
46:14Another episode done and dusted.
46:16Well done, and compliments to the chef.
46:18Let's hear it for all our contestants tonight,
46:20and, of course, our winner, Kyra!
46:23APPLAUSE
46:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE