ALYSSA, 28, encourages women to pursue a 'housewife lifestyle' for their own happiness. She met her husband Tom, 51, at work in the military. When they began dating Alyssa was still working and studying but once they became engaged she suggested to Tom that she could stay home instead. "I thought that he was wanting a little bit more attention to the house, to the home and also to himself. So I had a sneaking suspicion that it might benefit our relationship if I stayed home," she explained. Her partner hadn't considered this dynamic as something he'd wanted in previous relationships: "I honestly thought I wanted a physicist triathlete, that was my mindset," he said. "Until I got into a relationship with Aly I didn’t even know how wonderful having a traditional relationship with gender separations is." The benefits of their arrangement have been that Tom is able to live a more stress-free, healthier life and Alyssa sees it as a better alternative to relying on a corporation that doesn't care. "I earn more now, married, than I did when I was in the military and it’s the best job I’ve ever had," she said. "I would probably be considered on his bankroll, he pays for my living, and there’s a health insurance plan." Alyssa has a presence on social media, where some of her more controversial views have been criticised. "There are feminists on Reddit who hate me, most of which are single, over the age of 30," she explained. "I wouldn’t say that I’m a feminist at all. I think feminism was all bad, men love women so much that I think they would have liberated us after they were fully liberated anyway." Adding: "I am just of the opinion that feminism was completely unnecessary and that it’s a female supremacy movement." She has been accused of being a golddigger, which Tom refutes: "She asks for a hundred dollars a week! What kind of gold digger wants that?" Despite the negativity, Alyssa believes that spreading her message is important: "There’s a lot of positive comments from women who feel like they’ve finally been seen because there is a lot of stay-at-home wives and moms who feel useless like they’ve wasted their potential because that’s the messaging that we have out there. It’s the positive comments I get from women in that context that really let me know that I’m doing the right thing."
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00:00My husband employs me to take care of the home and I encourage other women to pursue
00:04the same dynamic for their future financial success.
00:07I didn't even know I wanted a traditional relationship where there were gender separations.
00:12I earn more now married than I did when I was in the military and it's the best job I've ever had.
00:19There are feminists on Reddit who hate me, most of which are single over the age of 30.
00:25They called me a white f******.
00:27Our friend is coming over to get to the bottom of what his opinion of our relationship is.
00:33I don't view marriage as an economic relationship.
00:35That's just not how I would ever choose to describe it.
00:38It's a spiritual relationship.
00:39Okay, so spiritual relationship.
00:43We were at the same work for a while and I ended up becoming single and I thought he
00:48was very attractive so I shot my shot and apparently it landed because now I'm married
00:54and I have a baby on the way.
00:56We've been together, what, two and a half years?
00:58So we were engaged and I was going to school.
01:02I was also working but I thought that he was wanting a little bit more attention
01:07to the house, to the home, and also, you know, to himself.
01:11So I had a sneaking suspicion that it might benefit our relationship if I stayed home.
01:16I didn't even know I wanted a traditional relationship.
01:19I, honest to God, thought that I wanted a physicist triathlete.
01:23So until I got into a relationship with Ali, I didn't even know how wonderful having a
01:28traditional relationship where there were gender separations.
01:32The agreement was was that if I sucked at being a homemaker that I would go back to
01:35work but I did not suck.
01:38I wouldn't say I'm a feminist at all.
01:39I think that feminism was all bad.
01:42Men love women so much that they would have liberated us after they were fully liberated
01:47anyway.
01:48I am just of the opinion that feminism was completely unnecessary and that it's a female
01:52supremacy movement.
01:53You're just in it for the steak and eggs.
01:56So I do most of the cooking and cleaning.
01:58I do most of the laundry as well.
02:00He works for a long time.
02:01Sometimes it's 10 hours a day.
02:04So I just take care of the house while he's gone.
02:06I earn more now married than I did when I was in the military and it's the best job
02:12I've ever had.
02:13I would probably be considered on his bankroll.
02:15He pays for my living.
02:18There's a health insurance plan.
02:20I basically said, hey, look, how much money do you need per week to do fun things?
02:25She said, I need $100 for my snacks and my coffee.
02:29And I'm like, OK.
02:31We got rid of all her credit cards.
02:32We opened up new credit cards under my account.
02:35And so now I can see all of her purchases.
02:37And she's very disciplined.
02:39I don't want to drain my husband.
02:41I know some wives, they don't have a conscience with that.
02:45But I would prefer if I never had to look at a screen about dollars ever.
02:51Today, I'm going shopping, obviously, on Tom's Dine.
02:56She really doesn't ask for a whole lot of stuff that she doesn't need.
03:00She's pretty financially disciplined.
03:02The alternative is going to an actual job with an actual boss.
03:07Keep in mind, that's a man that doesn't care about you.
03:09You clock in, you clock out.
03:11You're not on his mind.
03:12He would fire you tomorrow.
03:13My husband is not going to fire me tomorrow.
03:16I think that it's much more romantic than that.
03:18But if we have to call it labor, it's not the worst job out there.
03:23I haven't received anything but positive feedback from my friends.
03:26They're probably high-fiving you, you know?
03:29OK, I wasn't going to say that.
03:30But yeah, there is a lot of that, right?
03:32Because all my buddies are in their late 40s, early 50s, like myself.
03:36And they're like, damn, dude, you've got a 27-year-old.
03:39I'm like, mm-hmm.
03:41There's been controversy surrounding the age gap.
03:44I am 28 years old.
03:46I'm 51.
03:47I think my mom was really worried.
03:48I was wondering, how did you really feel when I started dating Tom?
03:53Just a little skeptical because of the age difference.
03:55But you can tell us what you really thought.
03:58I didn't think it was going to go.
04:00I thought it was just, you know.
04:01So you thought we were going to break up or something?
04:04Maybe.
04:04I don't like, yeah, I guess.
04:08Did you not want it to last?
04:09It's OK if you didn't.
04:11Oh, it's either way.
04:14You know, I couldn't predict.
04:17How do you feel about me spreading my messages online?
04:21They're a little controversial.
04:23But I don't like the comments that some people make.
04:28I would just want to go in there and go, ugh.
04:32Online, I would say that I get the most judgment because I'm a content creator.
04:37A woman wanting to work is very different.
04:39Why are male sexual appetites suppressed?
04:42If you're a feminist at this point in time, you're a clown, right?
04:45There's a lot of assumptions, right?
04:47I do this for a brand.
04:49I do this because I'm uneducated.
04:51I do this because I'm lazy.
04:53And then, you know, there's that fun racial element.
04:56My favorite racial joke that I've gotten was,
04:58lady in the streets colonized in the sheets.
05:01I thought that was really creative.
05:03They also called me a white supremacist.
05:06And I was like, okay, I'm dating a Latina woman and I'm a white supremacist.
05:10There are feminists on Reddit who hate me,
05:14most of which are single over the age of 30.
05:17I just want women to know that they have other options out there.
05:22Sometimes I've been accused of being a gold digger.
05:25She asked for $100 a week.
05:27What kind of gold digger wants that?
05:29Actually, there's a lot of positive comments
05:32from women who feel like they've finally been seen.
05:35It's the positive comments that I get from women in that context
05:38that really let me know that I'm doing the right thing.
05:42Our friend is coming over to get to the bottom
05:45of what his opinion of our relationship is.
05:47I know that she has a YouTube channel and that it's pretty successful.
05:51From what I understand, she sells the idea
05:54that you don't necessarily have to be a professional,
05:58that it's okay to be a housewife.
06:01Do you think it's wrong for Alyssa to be employed by Tony?
06:04Here's what I think.
06:05Hey, here's my offer.
06:07I will provide you a home, a house, protection, and provision.
06:11What I ask for in return is support, a clean house,
06:16so that I can go out into the world and focus on the external world.
06:20I just think that it's the right thing to do
06:22to give you a return on investment.
06:24If you have to put it in economic terms, fine,
06:26but it's just doing the right thing in a marriage.
06:29You take care of me, I take care of you.
06:31It's a good bankroll to be on.
06:33I don't view marriage as an economic relationship.
06:35I know that you can analyze it that way.
06:37Just to clarify, how I describe it, that's an economic mode?
06:40Yeah, that's an economic way of describing it.
06:43Because I didn't know that I was describing it that way.
06:45No, no, it is.
06:46There is an economic relationship there.
06:48That's just not how I would ever choose to describe it.
06:51You make a commitment to that other person, right?
06:55So that commitment isn't about like,
06:58I'm going to do XYZ in exchange for ABC.
07:02You're going to miss the big picture.
07:05I've only ever really used an economic lens
07:07because literally women would rather,
07:11some women these days,
07:12they're just completely content to follow
07:15the leadership of an employer that doesn't care about them.
07:17And if you were to tell them that they could
07:20depend on a good man financially,
07:22they just would rather stay at that job
07:24instead of having to cooperate,
07:26I would even say, with a man.
07:28So I'm trying to save these women.
07:31These ungrateful women.
07:32A big corporation ain't ever going to care about you, okay?
07:35Like your spouse, there's a chance.
07:38I'd boil it down to biology.
07:40You're never going to take away the genetics
07:42and the biology of it.
07:44Because I am in my masculine
07:47and I'm able to go out and provide the resources,
07:50I feel great.
07:52I think most modern relationships are unhappy.
07:54I think men act like women.
07:56I think women act like men.
07:58And when they get together,
07:59they have a really unbalanced dynamic.
08:02I think the entire culture that we have right now in America
08:06wants you to be single, fat, depressed, and childless.
08:10So if you are going to be counter to that,
08:13it's going to be a rough go.
08:15We have a relationship with ourselves
08:18that make us relatively happy
08:20and then we come together
08:21and then we have a happy marriage.