Stefan Molyneux
Stefan Molyneux
  • 2 days ago
Friday Night Live 25 October 2024

Hey Stef I would love if you can do a review on "The Substance" it's a horror movie. However, it hits on women growing old, losing their youth, beauty and what you speak on often which is "the desire for the unearned."

Is sexlessness in a marriage always a sign of a deeper issue? What should a wife do if a husband’s porn addiction is revealed long after the commitment is made and children have been born? I’m too embarrassed to call in

Good evening Stef, would you say that you are the same person that you were , 10,20,30 years ago? If you have changed, is it possible that when people say that their partners changed, resulting in the end of their relationship, that maybe there is some truth to it?

Have you done a 'Truth About' episode on Siblings? If not, can you consider doing one? You dropped a thought in a recent Livestream that really got me thinking.

GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND AUDIOBOOK!

https://peacefulparenting.com/

Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!

Also get the Truth About the French Revolution, multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material, as well as targeted AIs for Real-Time Relationships, BitCoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-Ins. Don't miss the private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!

See you soon!

https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022

Category

📚
Learning
Transcript
00:00:00Good evening. Good evening. Welcome to your Friday Night Live, 25th October 2024, 251024.
00:00:07And we are gonna have some serious Sandworm Bring the Spice show tonight. It's spice time tonight, my friends.
00:00:17Good evening, good evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This show is gonna change your life.
00:00:22I mean, they're all aiming to do that, but this one...
00:00:26Okay, maybe it won't change your life quite as much as getting into Bitcoin 20 years ago, but, he said anachronistically.
00:00:34Joe says, Steph, thanks for releasing that entrepreneur episode early. It was a great episode.
00:00:39You are welcome, Joe. I aim to please. I aim to please.
00:00:43Somebody asked, can I do the truth about siblings? You'll need to...
00:00:48You'll need to give me more detail than that.
00:00:54Alright. Hey, Steph, I would love if you can do a review on The Substance. It's a horror movie.
00:00:59It hits on women growing old, losing their youth, beauty, and what you speak of, the desire for the unearned.
00:01:04Boy, have you ever, have you ever seen a movie called The Platform?
00:01:15Have you seen a movie called The Platform? Dear God, don't.
00:01:20Whatever you do, do not see the movie called The Platform.
00:01:25It is absolutely monstrous. It is absolutely monstrous.
00:01:32It is as close to hell as you're ever gonna get.
00:01:35Do not have anything to do with that movie. It is just monstrous.
00:01:41Don't forget, fdrurl.com slash TikTok. Join the TikTok channel.
00:01:46I really would appreciate that. It's nice to see.
00:01:49Thank you, Anthony, for the donation. Massively appreciated.
00:01:53As always, super kind, super thoughtful, massively and humbly appreciated.
00:01:58Remember, I did the free call-in with the guy who I was a bit rude to a week and a half ago.
00:02:04So that's good. And let's see here.
00:02:10Oh!
00:02:14All right, so you gather your questions, gather your questions,
00:02:19and hit me with a why if you're ready to change your life.
00:02:31You tell me if you're ready to change your life, I will change my glasses.
00:02:35There we go. Slightly less of a bubbles.
00:02:39What is it, Bubba from the Trailer Park Boys?
00:02:46Oh, so yeah, the spoilers. Not spoilers exactly, but the movie The Platform
00:02:51is a sadistic, horrendous, murderous, cannibalistic, violent, degrading,
00:03:00rapey, psychotic, communist vision from an Italian, Spanish, Spanish director.
00:03:07And in it, people are in these prisons in layers, and food goes from the top to the bottom,
00:03:13and everyone just takes stuff. And then there's nothing left for the people at the bottom,
00:03:19and they have to turn on each other. It's a really, really subtle analogy.
00:03:22Because Marxist socialists are animals, which is a huge insult to animals, of course,
00:03:29but they're animals because animals really don't farm much. I guess ants do a little bit.
00:03:35But for Marxists, there's just an incomprehensible amount of food.
00:03:40Some people get some, and other people just don't.
00:03:43You can't make your own food, you can't produce your own food, you're completely trapped.
00:03:47I mean, Marxism comes from the youngest siblings on highly abusive families.
00:03:52If you're the very youngest brother in a highly abusive family, you're going to be a Marxist.
00:03:58I know I've never watched a Trailer Park Boys, but I did see them shill for the vaccine.
00:04:09So I didn't need to shill for the vaccine.
00:04:14All right, I got the question about sexlessness in a marriage, and I got a couple of other questions.
00:04:24Am I the same person? I will get to those, but I'm going to give you all a life-changing speech.
00:04:32Don Quixote by Cervantes is sort of famous. It's called Tilting at Windmills.
00:04:37It's about a knight who's a fool who thinks he's fighting a dragon, but he's just running his lance at an old windmill.
00:04:43It means to be grandiose about the foes that you're fighting because you're daughtery and sentimental,
00:04:48and you're not actually fighting any particular foes at all of any substance or import.
00:04:54All right, and we'll go and check the comments over on Rumble as well, just so you know.
00:05:00Hello, Wilson. Freedomain.com slash donate to help out the show. Freedomain.com slash donate.
00:05:06So this comes from a call today. This comes from a call today.
00:05:13That will never see the light of day, but it is a call from today.
00:05:20It's about the problem of parental neglect. So what I'm saying here is foundationally relevant.
00:05:31I mean, it'll be taken out of context, of course, right?
00:05:33But I mean, I'm not going to become paranoid because people are manipulative listeners.
00:05:38But it is specific to people who have parental neglect.
00:05:47How much for you to be shirtless for this speech?
00:05:51Hey, man, throw something over and let's see how it goes.
00:05:58So parental neglect, this call today, it's happened a bunch of times and we've talked about it.
00:06:06I won't talk about the call today, but we've had it a bunch of times where people are bullied as children
00:06:12and their parents don't seem to notice, things like that, right?
00:06:14So this is around substantial parental neglect.
00:06:17The parents don't take joy in your existence. They don't seek out your company.
00:06:20They don't want to play with you. They don't help you understand how important you are to them.
00:06:25They don't evince or manifest any particular pair bonding.
00:06:30They just don't seem to connect with you at all.
00:06:35So I'm talking about significant parental neglect.
00:06:43What do you do about it?
00:06:47So the modern, and I dare say, hyper-feminine way that people deal with childhood pain is to feel sad.
00:06:56So sad.
00:06:59Just tragic.
00:07:01All the things that I just didn't get that I needed and all of the problems,
00:07:05and I just feel so hollow and I want to reach for my parents, but I just don't.
00:07:11You know, I just can't connect with them and there's this sorrow and this sadness.
00:07:17And listen, sorrow and sadness, no problem with it.
00:07:20We all have sorrow. We all feel sad from time to time.
00:07:24Every life a little rain must fall.
00:07:30But dear God, dear God, you cannot get to safety from neglect without anger.
00:07:45You cannot get to safety from neglect without anger.
00:07:52And how do you get to the anger?
00:07:57Well, go with me on a journey, a metaphorical journey.
00:08:02Now, if you weren't neglected, this will help you understand people who were neglected.
00:08:06And if you were neglected, this will help you understand yourself and free you from it,
00:08:10from the effects of neglect.
00:08:11This is what I mean when I say this is a life-changing speech.
00:08:17Once again, you're making a speech that is of direct relevance to my personal life.
00:08:21Thank you. I appreciate that.
00:08:25So, here's how to think of neglect.
00:08:32It's not even a suggestion. Here's how to think of neglect.
00:08:39So, let's say that you book a private call-in with me and you pay ahead of time, right?
00:08:53You book a private call-in with me, freedomain.com slash call-in, and you pay ahead of time,
00:08:58and then I just don't show up, and I ghost you, and I block you, and I ban you, right?
00:09:08I ghost you, I block you, and I ban you. What would you feel?
00:09:14Tell me. What would you feel?
00:09:16You book a private call with me, pay ahead of time, and I just don't show up.
00:09:24And then I block you and ghost you, and you never get the call.
00:09:30How do you feel? What's your response?
00:09:33Are you sad? You feel just a sense of loss, and we just don't connect,
00:09:39and I just wasn't given what I needed, and I'm sad, and there's sorrow, right?
00:09:48Well, you're angry, aren't you?
00:09:52Because I incurred a voluntary debt with you.
00:09:57You paid me for my time, but I didn't show up.
00:10:01I don't explain, I ghost, and I block.
00:10:08You'd be mad, right? Now, of course, yeah.
00:10:10I mean, I'm just giving you an example. It could be anyone, right?
00:10:14If it was anyone else, Fury, right? Yes, it's a long con.
00:10:18It's a long con. I've been doing this almost 20 years just to rip you off
00:10:22the price of a private call, right?
00:10:25But you'd be mad, right?
00:10:28You'd be mad.
00:10:31Why? Because I didn't pay you what I owed you,
00:10:37which is my time for your payment.
00:10:40I didn't pay you what I owed you, so you'd be mad.
00:10:42Now, there'd be some sorrow. Maybe there'd be some disappointment.
00:10:44Gee, I thought Steph would be slightly more honorable than that.
00:10:48I mean, and the reason this is sort of theoretical is I don't charge people
00:10:52ahead of time anyway. You just pay when you're done,
00:10:57depending on how long we go and how long you want to go.
00:11:00Just pay when we're done. So you'd be mad, right?
00:11:03Okay. That's scenario number one.
00:11:06Scenario number two is you're a parent.
00:11:10You have a beloved daughter.
00:11:13She's 14 years old, and she gets a job as a dishwasher.
00:11:20It's an ugly job, and she's supposed to get paid every week.
00:11:28And she comes home, and she's really upset.
00:11:31You say, honey, what happened?
00:11:34I didn't get paid. He said, I didn't get paid.
00:11:38He wouldn't pay me.
00:11:41I said, but did you get fired? No.
00:11:44No, he wants me to come back, but he's not paying me.
00:11:47It's like, what do you mean he's not paying you?
00:11:50Why not?
00:11:54He doesn't say.
00:11:59I don't know why. I must be a terrible worker.
00:12:02I didn't drop any dishes. I tried to work as fast as I could.
00:12:05It's horrible there. It's a difficult job.
00:12:08But I tried to do a good job, and he didn't seem to have any complaints.
00:12:11But he's just not paying me.
00:12:14He's supposed to pay me.
00:12:17I work Monday to Friday. He's supposed to pay me Friday night.
00:12:20I don't care. It's what we talked about ahead of time.
00:12:23He's supposed to pay me Friday night. He didn't pay me.
00:12:26I don't think he's going to pay me.
00:12:29But he wants me to come back.
00:12:32And he didn't have any complaints.
00:12:38Would you be mad?
00:12:41Sure.
00:12:44You'd call up the guy, and you'd say, hey, bro, I'm sorry if you forgot.
00:12:47Just to remind you, you owe my daughter the pay.
00:12:50She said she was working for this amount of hours.
00:12:53She worked this many hours, and you owe her her pay.
00:13:00Third scenario.
00:13:03Same daughter, a year or two later, she takes on a job
00:13:06where she works very hard, and she gets commission,
00:13:09but the commission is only paid after six months.
00:13:12She's selling encyclopedias. I don't know. That's back in the day.
00:13:15I have a girlfriend who did that once.
00:13:21She's supposed to get paid after six months.
00:13:24She works her shoes to the bone.
00:13:27She wears out her shoes,
00:13:30pounding the pavement, doing the work,
00:13:33and then they're supposed to pay her
00:13:36like $20,000 after six months.
00:13:39You've seen the numbers. She's selling the encyclopedia.
00:13:42They pay the sales, and they just don't pay her.
00:13:48Would you be, oh, that's so sad.
00:13:51Oh, you must be a terrible worker. Oh, they must be so disappointed in you.
00:13:54You'd be mad, right? Would you be sad?
00:13:57Yeah, I guess to some degree, to some small degree,
00:14:00but would you be mad?
00:14:03Well, yes.
00:14:08Of course.
00:14:11Of course you'd be mad
00:14:17because her employer hasn't paid her
00:14:22what he promised her,
00:14:25the conditions of her employment,
00:14:28and he's stealing from your little girl.
00:14:31Oof.
00:14:34He's stealing from your little girl.
00:14:37Your employer is stealing from your little girl.
00:14:40So that's what you do, right?
00:14:43You march right down to that office, and you say,
00:14:46you guys cut a check for my daughter. You owe her $20,000.
00:14:49And if you don't,
00:14:52I'll take you to small claims court.
00:14:55I mean, I actually had to do that once.
00:14:58I put a deposit on an apartment, and I said to the guy,
00:15:01listen, I got a check with my girlfriend. If she doesn't like it, I need my money back.
00:15:04No problem. I checked with my girlfriend. She didn't like it.
00:15:07I went to get my money back. He wouldn't give me my money back.
00:15:10And I was like, okay, please give me my money back.
00:15:13No, deposit's nonrefundable. I said, no, no, we talked about this.
00:15:16We talked about this.
00:15:19You said I could get it back if my girlfriend didn't like it.
00:15:22Ah, you must have misunderstood. So I took him to court,
00:15:25and I got my money back, and he had to pay my legal fees.
00:15:28Don't have to have an argument. You just have to get things resolved.
00:15:34So, you should pay what you owe, right?
00:15:45Particularly to children.
00:15:48You should pay what you owe, or you're stealing, in particular, to children.
00:15:55Now, I'm sure you're all way ahead of me as far as this goes.
00:15:58This is highly relevant to the question or issue called neglect.
00:16:03Neglect.
00:16:06When you have a child, and you keep that child.
00:16:11You have, hold, keep, and raise that child.
00:16:15You owe the child love, care, wisdom, time, attention, resources, and affection.
00:16:21You owe the child that.
00:16:24Just as surely as if you pay me for my time, I owe you my time.
00:16:29Just as surely as if your wife, your daughter works for a week, she's owed her pay.
00:16:36If your daughter works for six months, she's owed her pay.
00:16:38To steal from adults is bad enough. To steal from children is unholy.
00:16:47So, I understand the hurt. I understand the upset.
00:16:50I understand the sorrow. I understand the self-pity.
00:16:52I understand the loss. I really do.
00:16:55But, dear God, your parents did not pay their debts to you as a child that they voluntarily incurred by having, holding, and keeping you.
00:17:10It's more important than paying a week's dishwashing wages.
00:17:15It's more important than paying six months of wages for encyclopedia sales.
00:17:20It's more important than anything.
00:17:22And it goes on, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade,
00:17:29that you are not paid what you are owed.
00:17:35Now, when people owe you money and they refuse to pay you,
00:17:42and then when you point out that they are remiss in their payments,
00:17:45they get angry and yell at you,
00:17:48It's in the past.
00:17:50Of course, I already paid you back. I already paid you back. Double.
00:17:54It's in the past. What do you care about? Move on.
00:17:57It doesn't matter. It's unimportant.
00:17:59Let's look to the future, not the past.
00:18:02It never happened.
00:18:07I don't owe you anything.
00:18:09You owe me.
00:18:11You owe me.
00:18:18If you were neglected, your parents failed to pay you what they owed you,
00:18:22what they voluntarily, morally contracted to pay you,
00:18:25which was time, care, love, attention, resources, wisdom, and affection.
00:18:37You were stolen from,
00:18:40and your parents robbed you,
00:18:44and did not pay their debts.
00:18:46And generally,
00:18:49when we are owed money,
00:18:53and not only are we not paid, but we're attacked, insulted, and put down
00:18:57for daring to bring up the fact that we are owed money,
00:19:06that's about as shitty a treatment as you can possibly receive in this life.
00:19:11It's one thing, you know, I think we've all been in the position of being owed money
00:19:14that somebody's not paying.
00:19:17Right? We've all been in that position,
00:19:19of being owed money that somebody's not paying.
00:19:22It's pretty rough, man.
00:19:24You feel kind of helpless.
00:19:26Especially when they start dodging and avoiding you.
00:19:32But what if you gently
00:19:35remonstrate with someone for not paying you what they owe you,
00:19:39and they escalate and get angry at you,
00:19:42and attack you, and humiliate you, and call you a liar, and a thief, and a cheat.
00:19:50It's about as provocative
00:19:53a situation as can be conceived of.
00:20:00It's about as provocative a situation as can be conceived of.
00:20:05So I understand
00:20:07the hurt, the pain, the sorrow.
00:20:10I also understand
00:20:12how it's easier to believe
00:20:15not that you weren't paid, but that you were a bad worker.
00:20:19Because that gets your employers off the hook.
00:20:24Well, the reason I wasn't paid
00:20:26is I was a bad worker.
00:20:28So the reason my parents didn't pay attention to me
00:20:30is because I was an uninteresting child.
00:20:32I was self-absorbed, I was shy,
00:20:35I was non-engaging, I didn't particularly like to chat,
00:20:38I didn't have a big sense of humor,
00:20:40I wasn't full of charisma,
00:20:41I didn't play massive sports,
00:20:43I wasn't a trophy child.
00:20:48I guess I was boring, so
00:20:50it's not their fault.
00:20:52Right? I mean, if you make some boring movie,
00:20:55you don't get to yell at the audience for not being interested.
00:20:58What is it? Like the John Lennon video
00:21:01film of feet?
00:21:03Five hours of feet?
00:21:05It's a little boring.
00:21:09Right?
00:21:11It's a little boring.
00:21:15If you write a droney song,
00:21:22if you write a droney song,
00:21:24and people don't really like it,
00:21:25you don't get to yell at them,
00:21:26it's just kind of a dull song.
00:21:34But as a child,
00:21:36isn't it so much easier,
00:21:37and in fact it may be a foundational survival mechanism,
00:21:40isn't it so much easier,
00:21:41and maybe a foundational survival mechanism,
00:21:44to say,
00:21:45it's not that
00:21:48my parents have failed to pay me
00:21:51what they owe me,
00:21:53which leaves me depressed and angry,
00:21:56and helpless.
00:21:57It's not that my parents have failed to pay me what they owe me,
00:22:00it's that I have not earned that.
00:22:03I'm a bad worker who never shows up to work,
00:22:06drops all the plates,
00:22:07and so I'm not getting paid.
00:22:09They're deducting all the things I broke from my salary,
00:22:12therefore they owe me nothing,
00:22:14because I'm an incompetent worker.
00:22:15That the reason my parents ignored me,
00:22:17the reason my parents didn't invest in me,
00:22:19the reason my parents didn't seem fascinated,
00:22:21or happy,
00:22:22or love me,
00:22:23is because I'm just not appealing.
00:22:26I'm just not appealing.
00:22:28The reason I'm not getting paid is I'm a bad worker.
00:22:31The reason my parents are neglecting me
00:22:33is because I'm boring
00:22:35and worthless
00:22:36and unimportant.
00:22:42Neglect
00:22:44is when people, your parents,
00:22:47steal from you,
00:22:48or try to steal from you,
00:22:50your entire soul
00:22:51for the sake of their own
00:22:53selfishness and laziness,
00:22:56leaving you, thus,
00:22:58with almost the inevitable impression
00:23:00that it is not their failure but yours
00:23:03that has resulted in the neglect.
00:23:06It's not because
00:23:08he's an asshole employer who won't pay you,
00:23:11he's not ripping you off,
00:23:12you just dropped a lot of plates,
00:23:13didn't do, didn't sell any,
00:23:15hey man, you're on commission,
00:23:16you didn't sell any encyclopedias,
00:23:17of course you're not going to get paid,
00:23:19it's 100% commission,
00:23:20eat what you kill,
00:23:21100% commission.
00:23:23And guess what, sailor boy,
00:23:25you didn't sell anything,
00:23:26you don't get paid.
00:23:28It's not that they're ripping you off,
00:23:30you just suck at this.
00:23:34And of course,
00:23:36almost all of us choose the,
00:23:39if you have to choose between your parents sucking
00:23:41and you sucking,
00:23:42you'll say, well, I suck,
00:23:43because if my parents do suck
00:23:45and they get angry whenever I criticize them,
00:23:46then if I say that they suck,
00:23:50they're going to get mad.
00:23:52And angering parents was a very bad
00:23:54survival strategy
00:23:56when we were evolving.
00:23:58Getting the people who are responsible
00:24:00for your safety and security,
00:24:02who give you food and protect you from predators,
00:24:05getting them angry at you,
00:24:08maybe especially when your siblings didn't,
00:24:10is a pretty bad survival strategy.
00:24:18So,
00:24:21neglect
00:24:23toxicifies the relationship,
00:24:26because you can't say that your parents are neglectful,
00:24:28you can only say that you're not worthy
00:24:31of their attention.
00:24:34Ouchies.
00:24:36That's your only survival mechanism to say,
00:24:38well, no, no, no,
00:24:39they're not self-involved narcissistic assholes.
00:24:42I'm just
00:24:44about as interesting as watching toenails grow
00:24:46or paint dry.
00:24:49And I understand that as a survival mechanism,
00:24:52it is a perfectly healthy and natural
00:24:54and good survival mechanism,
00:24:56but it comes at a little bit of a price.
00:25:00It comes at a little bit of a price.
00:25:05And the price is,
00:25:07you can't be loved.
00:25:10Because if you think your parents are right,
00:25:12and you're boring, uninteresting,
00:25:15self-involved,
00:25:19how's anyone supposed to love you?
00:25:21How are you supposed to love yourself?
00:25:23Or have affection for yourself?
00:25:24Or think positively about yourself?
00:25:26How are you supposed to do any of that?
00:25:37Painful.
00:25:43And that's why people get stuck
00:25:45in Trash Planet.
00:25:48Well, you see, the fault is not mine, dear son.
00:25:51I'm perfectly capable of being interested in interesting things,
00:25:54but the category called interesting things
00:25:56does not include you.
00:25:58Ah, in fact, I would even go one step further, son.
00:26:01The category of interesting things
00:26:03is the polar opposite of you,
00:26:06you absolute dishrag of a spineless,
00:26:08jellyfish, uninteresting, puddle-brained human being.
00:26:12Not even human doing,
00:26:14just human being.
00:26:15Why don't you go and rot more on your computer
00:26:17and go hide up in your room
00:26:20and play with your little dinosaurs
00:26:22and make your little Spanish soap opera plots?
00:26:29Maybe a little more gaming, hmm?
00:26:32Maybe a little more secrecy.
00:26:34I mean, all I get are these monosyllabic non-answers
00:26:37to all of my questions.
00:26:38How am I supposed to be interested in that?
00:26:40I mean, just the other day,
00:26:41just the other day, my friend, my child,
00:26:43I asked you,
00:26:45oh, what is your favorite genre of videos?
00:26:51You didn't seem to respond at all.
00:26:56Ah, let me give you a reenactment
00:26:58of how stellarly interesting you were as a child, dear boy.
00:27:01I ask you, how was school?
00:27:04You say, fine.
00:27:08Fine.
00:27:09Okay.
00:27:12Yes, fascinating.
00:27:13Scintillating.
00:27:14We've got iambic pentameter of the Shakespearean gods
00:27:17coming pouring out of your mouth
00:27:20like flame from the arse and armpits of a lava demon.
00:27:24Look at the coruscating syllables coming forward,
00:27:26tripping down like the rockets on cocaine
00:27:29during an earthquake.
00:27:31Flying like butterflies,
00:27:32your words course through the air,
00:27:35iridescent, shimmering, scattering,
00:27:37gorgeous sunbeams through the soul
00:27:41of my chandelier heart.
00:27:46How's school?
00:27:47Fine.
00:27:48Did you do anything?
00:27:49Just learn anything?
00:27:50Not much.
00:27:51Do you have any homework?
00:27:52A little.
00:27:55Yes, so interesting.
00:27:57So fascinating.
00:27:59That's a talk show called Huh.
00:28:03Welcome to the talk show called Huh.
00:28:08What's your favorite genre of videos, son?
00:28:10I don't know.
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I used to be into satisfying videos,
00:28:14but then I guess, like mom, got dissatisfied.
00:28:19Okay.
00:28:23What's your favorite game?
00:28:24Valorant.
00:28:25What is it?
00:28:26Shooting.
00:28:28Is it fun?
00:28:29Yeah.
00:28:30Do you play with friends?
00:28:31Yeah.
00:28:34What happens?
00:28:35Well, you just shoot each other and try to win.
00:28:37That's it.
00:28:38Pretty much.
00:28:42Welcome to the talk show called Huh.
00:28:45Sure.
00:28:46Yeah, whatever.
00:28:47Yeah.
00:28:49Are there any girls you like?
00:28:51I mean, not really.
00:28:53They're okay.
00:28:55Can I ask any girl out?
00:28:57I don't know.
00:28:59Maybe.
00:29:01You going to the dance?
00:29:03Probably.
00:29:04I don't know.
00:29:06Welcome to another Christopher Hitchens, Salman Rushdie-style,
00:29:11Algonquin round table of fantastic language.
00:29:17It's like watching Shakespeare and Chaucer joust with polysyllabic
00:29:22Beowulf tongue.
00:29:25Ah, the teenage talk show called Huh.
00:29:29Whatever.
00:29:32And you say you feel neglected.
00:29:38How about I, as your parents say, you're really freaking boring.
00:29:47You give me nothing.
00:29:51You say nothing.
00:29:53You resist everything.
00:29:56I've got pauses you could fit an entire pinterplay into.
00:30:06Yeah.
00:30:09Yeah.
00:30:13Hey, did you enjoy your dinner?
00:30:15Yeah.
00:30:17What did you like about it?
00:30:18Oh, it tasted good.
00:30:23Hey, how'd you sleep?
00:30:24Fine.
00:30:25Did you get to bed late?
00:30:27Not really.
00:30:31Son, I've had easier time pulling teeth from a great white shark than
00:30:37getting answers out of you, kid.
00:30:38And then you complain that I neglected you?
00:30:43I turned myself inside out, kid, trying to get a conversation out of you,
00:30:47and what do I get?
00:30:48Huh.
00:30:49Huh.
00:30:50Huh.
00:30:51Huh.
00:30:52Well, nothing.
00:30:53No, not really.
00:30:54Maybe sort of kind of fog, fog, fog.
00:31:02Hey, do you want to come and help me?
00:31:06I've got some stuff to do in the garage.
00:31:07Would you like to come and help?
00:31:10No, I've, I mean, I guess kind of, but I got homework.
00:31:17Well, that's it.
00:31:18I'm heading to bed.
00:31:19Kid, it's 930 at night.
00:31:21What do you do up there?
00:31:23I mean, I do a little reading, get some homework done,
00:31:27get ready for tomorrow.
00:31:29I mean, what's it to you?
00:31:37Hit me with a why if you've been there.
00:31:46Catastrophic non-conversations with parents.
00:31:55The resistance, the resentment, the passive aggression, the avoidance.
00:32:06Huh.
00:32:10You know, we're going to your aunt's on Sunday.
00:32:12It'd be really nice if you came.
00:32:13I mean, I know you're not really coming to church,
00:32:15but maybe we could swing by and pick you up afterwards.
00:32:17I mean, it'd be real nice.
00:32:19You know, she really, I mean, you may not remember this.
00:32:22She really, I mean, she took care of you a lot when you were little.
00:32:26She really, she cares about you.
00:32:28She's always asking after you, and it would be nice.
00:32:30It would just be nice.
00:32:31I'm not saying you have to.
00:32:32It'd just be kind of nice if you showed up.
00:32:34I'm just talking an hour.
00:32:35We're not going to ask you to run a marathon.
00:32:37Just, you know, show up and, I don't know, ask her about her bunions,
00:32:41like whatever old people talk about, you know?
00:32:43I mean, she's old.
00:32:44She's not dead, and she misses you.
00:32:51Oh?
00:32:53I mean, it's like a video game thing.
00:32:56Can't you move that?
00:32:58Oh, it's a contest?
00:33:01Okay.
00:33:03Okay.
00:33:05Well, I mean, just think about it at some point.
00:33:09I mean, it would be nice for her, and I mean,
00:33:12I know you're like, you're kind of peer-oriented, and I know, I get it.
00:33:17I mean, I was a teenager, too.
00:33:19Like, your friends are very important, but, you know, I mean, odds are,
00:33:24you know, I don't want to give you a big spoiler, right, of your late teens,
00:33:28but odds are your friends are just going to, right,
00:33:30they're just going to despawn the different universities.
00:33:32They're going to go various places.
00:33:33What do you call it?
00:33:34The backrooms, and they're just going to go.
00:33:36They're going to go various places.
00:33:37You're probably not going to have much to do with them, but, you know,
00:33:39it could be the case that your aunt is going to be part of your life, and,
00:33:43I mean, who knows, maybe she's got a zillion dollars,
00:33:45and she'll leave us some money when she dies.
00:33:47No, it's not about the money.
00:33:48God, why would you go to that?
00:33:50Don't be so suspicious.
00:33:51It's not about it.
00:33:52I'm just making a joke.
00:33:53It's not at all.
00:33:54I'm not asking you to pimp yourself out for money from the family.
00:33:57Come on.
00:33:59So, when you neglect your children, they don't want to talk to you.
00:34:11Also, if your children genuinely and deeply believe that you don't particularly care about them,
00:34:25they won't want to talk to you,
00:34:26and if they believe that any problem they have is going to be viewed as an intrusion, right?
00:34:36Okay, dad, if you really want to know, I'm having a tough time at school, man.
00:34:41I'm really having a tough time at school.
00:34:43It's horrible.
00:34:44I hate going in.
00:34:45I mean, it's one science teacher that I like, but that's like it.
00:34:48It's horrible.
00:34:50You know, I mean, like three days last week,
00:34:54I ate my lunch in the toilet, dad.
00:35:00I'm eating my lunch in the toilet.
00:35:05People banging on the door.
00:35:06Everything coming out.
00:35:07I hope everything comes out all right.
00:35:13I can't stand it, dad.
00:35:14I hate being at school.
00:35:15I hate being at school.
00:35:19I hate being at school.
00:35:22Do you know there was like this informal Paul?
00:35:24There was this informal Paul.
00:35:29Who's the most hated kid in school?
00:35:38I wasn't at the top, but I mean, I was on the list, man.
00:35:42I don't know why, why, why, why.
00:35:47So funny, man.
00:35:52I feel like I'm like being hunted.
00:35:54Like every time I walk down the, I mean, I got to get out.
00:35:56I got to, you got to get me out.
00:35:58I want to be homeschooled.
00:35:59I'm going to go to a different school.
00:36:01I need something different.
00:36:02I can't do this.
00:36:05I can't.
00:36:07What's your dad going to say?
00:36:09What's your dad and mom going to say?
00:36:11Well, son, you just got to find a way to push through it.
00:36:13You know, we all, we all go through these difficult things and,
00:36:15and you, you, you'll be a stronger person for it.
00:36:17And I remember I was kids were mean to me at school and, uh, you know,
00:36:21you'll, you'll be fine.
00:36:22Just, just bear down and, and, and deal with it and it'll be fine.
00:36:26Right.
00:36:27Be fine.
00:36:28No dad.
00:36:29I like, I can't stand it.
00:36:30I can't stand going to school.
00:36:32I hate it.
00:36:33I hate everything about it.
00:36:37You know, like it, it used to be like Sunday afternoon.
00:36:40I'd start to get depressed and anxious.
00:36:42Now it's like Saturday afternoon.
00:36:43Cause I think it's 24 hours.
00:36:45And then I'll be like, I can't stand it.
00:36:46I get like fucking, sorry.
00:36:48Sorry about my dad.
00:36:49Sorry.
00:36:50Sorry.
00:36:51Sorry.
00:36:52I get like 40 minutes from like three 30 in the afternoon on Friday
00:36:56until four 10 in the afternoon.
00:36:58I get, Oh, thank God.
00:37:01I don't have to come back for another couple of days.
00:37:07And because I hate being there, I can't do, I can't do the work.
00:37:10I, I don't want like, even the work reminds me of how much I hate it.
00:37:14I can't do it.
00:37:16Like you got to do something.
00:37:17You got to fix this.
00:37:18Look, I know I've got, I know I've got a brother and I, maybe he's fine.
00:37:22He's not, he's not helping me.
00:37:26He's not circling back.
00:37:28Like I've been so covered in fucking sorry.
00:37:30Sorry.
00:37:31I'm so sorry.
00:37:32I'm sorry.
00:37:33I'm sorry.
00:37:34I've been so covered in loser dust in nerd fog that bill avoids me at school too,
00:37:42because he wants everyone to forget that I'm his brother.
00:37:47I mean, I, I want to, I try angling towards him and he shoots me this look like
00:37:51one step closer.
00:37:52I'm going to open a trap door and send you to Hades.
00:37:58And once you get this, this loser pollen, this, this nerd dust on you, like it
00:38:04doesn't come off.
00:38:13And they hate me, man.
00:38:14They, they hate me.
00:38:15They hate me.
00:38:16I'm, I'm, I don't know why.
00:38:18I mean, I want to be nice.
00:38:19I try to be nice.
00:38:20I'm, I'm not doing anything to anyone.
00:38:22I'm, I'm, I mean, you know, I got to tell you, dad, you know, some of the kids,
00:38:28they share these memes.
00:38:29They would make mom like turn inside out and faint.
00:38:42I don't do any of that.
00:38:46Some of the kids who rag on other kids, they seem pretty popular.
00:38:49I'm, I'm, I think, I mean, feel like, I think I feel like the nicest kid.
00:38:53I feel like the nicest kid in the school and everybody just hates me.
00:39:00And I, I don't, I don't have anything to do to change that.
00:39:04I don't have anything I can do can change that.
00:39:06I can't, because now everything I do will just be fake.
00:39:11Right?
00:39:12So I don't know.
00:39:13Let's say I find, I have some incredible skill at some stupid sport.
00:39:15Sorry.
00:39:16I know sports aren't stupid.
00:39:17I know you were a sports guy, dad, but let's say I, I, I'm just incredible at something.
00:39:21And everybody'd be like, well, he just did that to get over the loser thing of the loser thing.
00:39:24Like once it sticks, it's like a tattoo, man.
00:39:28Cannot get that stuff off.
00:39:35Now, if you have a conversation like that with your parents, would they give you a hug?
00:39:39Would they move heaven and earth to make things better for you?
00:39:41Would they rearrange their lives?
00:39:42Would they homeschool?
00:39:43Would they get you to a different situation?
00:39:45Would they go and confront the bully's parents?
00:39:47What, what would they do?
00:39:49What would they do?
00:39:52I wasn't just so, you know, just out of curiosity.
00:39:54I mean, if you, in case you're curious, um, I really wasn't bullied in school.
00:39:57I had one guy who was going to kill me, man.
00:40:00That went on for, I don't know, a week or two, but, um, I had pretty good friends.
00:40:04I was very sporty.
00:40:05And so I, myself wasn't bullied, um, in school.
00:40:10So that's just, so, you know, that's an act of imagination.
00:40:16But if you had talked to your parents about that, would they have listened?
00:40:22Would they have tried to move heaven and earth to make things better for you?
00:40:30Would they have sympathized?
00:40:31Would they have said, yeah, school is terrible for the most part?
00:40:34I mean, it's, it's, it either hollows you out and makes you popular or you're deep and hated.
00:40:46When, when you brought a problem to your parents' attention,
00:40:58neglectful parents will just view it as an intrusion, right?
00:41:02All they'll do is view it as an intrusion.
00:41:07It's an annoyance.
00:41:08It's an interference, right?
00:41:13It's an interference.
00:41:16Somebody says they would have talked over me about two words then.
00:41:25I learned not to swear around my parents.
00:41:27Soap does not go well as a dessert of spaghetti.
00:41:30How on earth are you invoking these emotions?
00:41:32You haven't been there in 40 years.
00:41:34And again, I was not, I was really not bullied in school.
00:41:37I was really not bullied.
00:41:38I was, I was fairly popular.
00:41:40I was viewed as a little different, but I was, I was fairly popular in school.
00:41:45And it's funny because I was viewed probably as a little bit nerdy in my early to mid teens.
00:41:50And then I used to start going to discos and nightclubs at sort of 15 or 16 years of age.
00:41:56And I remember some of the cooler kids showed up when I was 17 and I was like busting all these dance moves and talking to all these girls and having a great time.
00:42:06And like the last year and a half of high school was just like coasting in that sense because the word got around.
00:42:12Like Steph was there doing all this wildy cool stuff, right?
00:42:18Somebody says I hid in the toilet and had no friends and hid it from them.
00:42:22I was terrified if they found out I had to make so many lies so they wouldn't find out even though they clearly knew as I never hung out with anyone.
00:42:28I was the loner of loners.
00:42:30I'm really sorry about that.
00:42:33I'm really sorry.
00:42:35Big hugs for that.
00:42:43Big hugs for that. I'm so sorry.
00:42:50So these lame stilted bad conversations as teenagers happened because the children were neglected when they were kids.
00:43:02And so they don't want to connect and talk with their parents when they become teenagers.
00:43:13See there's a lot of parents and this is a bit more true with dads I think and happens with moms of course.
00:43:20I think it's a bit more true with dads and what they say is well you know kids are kind of boring and repetitive and I want to hear the same story over and over again.
00:43:30I used to, when my daughter was very little, I used to read, we had a book of fairy tales and I used to read the fairy tales and she loved Jack and the Beanstalk.
00:43:40No, Fee-fi-fo-fum, I Smell the Blood of an Englishman.
00:43:43Fee-fi, it's a big acting thing and she just absolutely loved that and we would do that like for an hour or two.
00:43:50And my voice was like Freddie Mercury singing Another One Bites the Dust kind of nodule broken roar.
00:43:57But I loved the repetition, I thought it was great, I loved the repetition.
00:44:01And every time she got into a particular movie we would be the scenes in that movie and we would have all the characters from that movie, we would make them all up and run around and do that kind of stuff.
00:44:11And it was great.
00:44:12But a lot of parents, this is true, again a little bit more true for dads, they're like well you know you're not that interesting as a kid but boy when you become a teenager I'm going to get more interested.
00:44:20And it's like eh, too late, too late, that boat has sailed, that ship is sunk, there is no chance to have it later.
00:44:29No chance to have it later if you don't have it earlier.
00:44:33It's like saying well I'm going to have 23 bad dates with a woman and then I'm going to get her to marry me later.
00:44:41It's like no, you won't get to the 23 bad dates, you won't get to the 23 bad dates.
00:44:50So it is not you who is deficient as a child.
00:44:55We view ourselves as our parents treat us.
00:44:59Sorry, simple fact, simple fact.
00:45:01And it's not how we always have to be but it's certainly how it is for the first 20 to 25 years of our life.
00:45:07We view ourselves as our parents treat us and we have no choice.
00:45:12Because if they're cold, mean and cruel, if we point that out, right, I mean can you imagine you've got some Fox News watching, screen addicted, distracted dad, right?
00:45:28And he's kind of been, he came home from work, he kind of sat through dinner on his phone and then he goes and watches TV and you go in and you're like oh dad, dad, dad, dad.
00:45:38Get your fat ass off that couch, turn off the TV, be a big boy now, turn off the TV, do some goddamn parenting, alright?
00:45:47You chose to have me, you chose to keep me.
00:45:50Try and, you know, see if you can just, I don't know if you need to massage your legs like you got blood clots from a transpolar flight.
00:45:58You need to get up, stretch a little, warm up if you have to.
00:46:03But you need to do some parenting, which means you need to play with me, you need to interact with me, you need to take some pleasure in my presence, you need to seek out my time.
00:46:16Woo me a little, show some interest, I don't care if you have to fake it, I'm that desperate, I don't care if you gotta fake it like mom does.
00:46:24But get your fat ass off that couch and even if it's a chore for you, pretend it isn't, do some parenting.
00:46:34Oh, I don't know, how about, um, why don't you give me some wisdom so I don't have to invent everything from bald guys on the internet and from, uh, TikTok.
00:46:46How about I don't have to invent every human value known to man, how about you give me a little wisdom.
00:46:53Some advice, some thoughts, a little bit here on how to navigate the world, conflicts, relationships, I mean, you're in school a lot longer than I've been.
00:47:03Anything, anything, anything.
00:47:08Oh, I got an idea, how about you give a rat's ass about the music I like.
00:47:14You know, just a thought.
00:47:17My daughter's into something called Nerdcore, didn't even know it was a thing, it's actually pretty good, check out JT Music, it's pretty good stuff, pretty good stuff.
00:47:26Uh, how about you show an interest in what I'm doing on the computer, how about you show an interest in the books I like to read.
00:47:33How about you know anything, anything about my friends, how about you know if I have friends, maybe their names would be nice, a little bit.
00:47:42Um, how about you know what my hobbies are, uh, do you have an idea what I like to do with my spare time.
00:47:49Uh, anything, anything.
00:47:51Because, you know, you're kind of welded to that screen, but, you know.
00:47:56I mean, it's funny because, you know, mom says, hey, I left the dishes in the sink and you're like up and doing stuff and yet I'm just rotting here in a corner.
00:48:03Anything, anything, I don't care, anything.
00:48:08Oh, except it can't be getting yelled at for holding the flashlight wrong because you're fixing something in a dark corner.
00:48:15That, no, no, not doing that.
00:48:17You don't get to roll your parenting into stupid chores you have to do.
00:48:24Something that's focused on me, something that's focused on me.
00:48:29Oh, okay, let's do a little quiz, dad.
00:48:32Mom, you can sit, join in, you can sit here too.
00:48:35What's my favorite band, what's my favorite song, what's my favorite book, who's my favorite celebrity, what is my secret dream, what ability do I wish I had the most, what's my favorite color, what's the food that I, I know the food, you'd know that mom, right?
00:48:49But what's the, what style of food, like what ethnicity of food do I like to eat the most?
00:48:55What was my, I know mom, you'd know my last major health issue, dad, you wouldn't even know if I'd lost an arm, I think.
00:49:01So, yeah, just, you know, get your ass off the couch and get some damn parenting done.
00:49:06It kind of is your job, right?
00:49:08And, I mean, if you don't, that's fine, if you don't, that's fine.
00:49:12But, basically, when I'm gone, I'm like Wile E. Coyote through a wall.
00:49:17I'm gone, and I'm gone.
00:49:19Right now, if you were to say to your dad, get your fat butt off the couch and get some parenting done, what would have happened?
00:49:27How dare you, I can't believe I do everything with this family.
00:49:37Just noises in Angry Narcissist.
00:49:42Angry Narcissist noises intensify.
00:49:47So, you can't say any of that.
00:49:49You can't say, dad, you're a lazy ass parent.
00:49:54You're a lazy parent, you're a lazy parent.
00:49:58When was the last time you really took an interest in something that I'm interested in, right?
00:50:06My dad, all he did was watch sports ball instead of doing any parenting.
00:50:10He would knock me flying across the room, right?
00:50:13I'm really sorry for that too, but that means, of course, you can't.
00:50:17You certainly can't blame yourself, and you couldn't have fixed the problem when you were a kid.
00:50:23So then, you have to say, well, I guess I'm just boring.
00:50:33Yeah, dad's totally rational, I guess I'm just boring.
00:50:38Watch Roided Up, Rage Monsters Throw, Pigskin Around, then interact with his child and have a conversation with his child.
00:50:47All righty then.
00:50:52All righty then.
00:50:54Delightful.
00:50:58Delightful.
00:51:03So.
00:51:06All right.
00:51:08Thank you for your indulgence, hope it was helpful, and let's have a look here.
00:51:14Is sexlessness...
00:51:18When I go from my own words to other people's words, apparently, I spaz out.
00:51:23Is sexlessness in a marriage always a sign of a deeper issue?
00:51:27What should a wife do if her husband's porn addiction is revealed long after the commitment is made and the children have been born?
00:51:33I'm too embarrassed to call in.
00:51:35Well, it's not in particular to that addiction, but you should really have honest conversations before you get married.
00:51:43Right?
00:51:44You should have honest conversations about bad habits or whatever you want to call it.
00:51:53Somebody says, I did a call in with you two years ago and my parents didn't even ask to hear it.
00:51:57My gosh, I bet you they would hate to hear it as a whole.
00:52:02Somebody says, I managed to probe him as a teenager and audio recorded his response and screaming matches.
00:52:07Yeah, isn't that wild that you can have that?
00:52:12Somewhere there exists...
00:52:14Maybe not anymore.
00:52:15Maybe somewhere in the bowels of my mom's trash planet.
00:52:19But there was a recording of me trying to record...
00:52:22I must have been 11 or 12 when me trying to record Music Box Dancer on the radio, which was this little song I really liked back in the day.
00:52:31And my whole family crabbing about this.
00:52:34That's not your tape.
00:52:35Yes, it is.
00:52:36I've recorded something important on that.
00:52:38Just stupid naggy crap, right?
00:52:41Just stupid naggy crap that people have.
00:52:46Hey, Molly.
00:52:47Hello, Alec.
00:52:52All right.
00:52:53So, sorry.
00:52:54Let me just get back to your questions.
00:52:56Yeah.
00:52:57So, sexlessness in marriage.
00:52:59What is occurring with sexlessness in a marriage?
00:53:01Well, I mean, I've had a bunch of conversations with people about this.
00:53:04Obviously, I'm no doctor.
00:53:05You should go if you have issues with sexual desire or you have sexual performance issues and so on.
00:53:12In my humble opinion, I'm not giving any medical advice.
00:53:16In my humble opinion, if I was in that situation, I would go see a doctor.
00:53:20I would get blood work done.
00:53:21I would have everything checked out physically.
00:53:23Just make sure that you're not viewing as a psychological issue something that could be a physical issue, right?
00:53:32So, you have to meet...
00:53:40As a man, you have to meet female sexuality in the middle, right?
00:53:45And for women, you have to meet male sexuality in the middle, right?
00:53:49So, there are some women who are like, well, female sexuality is beautiful and male sexuality is just empty lust, right?
00:53:55And it's considered negative, right?
00:53:58And so, for a man, you do have to understand that the woman needs to feel treasured and wooed and loved.
00:54:07And then, she'll be more likely to be in the mood.
00:54:10Whereas, for a lot of men, if they have sex, then they feel treasured, wooed and loved, right?
00:54:16So, you just have to meet the other sex in the middle.
00:54:21And know that the combination of the two is probably what is best.
00:54:28But yeah, sexlessness in a marriage is usually a sign of...
00:54:33In my humble opinion, right?
00:54:34I don't have any studies on this.
00:54:36But sexlessness in a marriage, assuming there's no sort of particular physical issue, is anger.
00:54:42Anger and distance, right?
00:54:44I mean, anger can really bring people close.
00:54:50But being angry with each other can really bring people close.
00:54:53Because it shows you care.
00:54:54It shows you're passionate about a topic.
00:54:55And it shows that you want to stand up for the marriage as a whole or the relationship as a whole.
00:55:00And so, anger can be really healthy.
00:55:02But a lot of times, because we've had toxic rageaholics in our lives, anger is viewed as something that blows people apart.
00:55:09And then, like, let's say you're angry at your wife and she just shuts down.
00:55:15She punishes you.
00:55:16She withdraws.
00:55:17She slams doors.
00:55:18And then she goes out and she just won't talk to you until you apologize.
00:55:22And your anger is absolutely unacceptable.
00:55:25You cannot be angry in the relationship.
00:55:27And then it's like, okay, so my genuine experiences are not welcome here.
00:55:35I mean, I'm angry.
00:55:36If I'm angry, right?
00:55:39Why is that a problem?
00:55:42I mean, I get the rage and manipulation and bullying and so on.
00:55:45That's a problem.
00:55:46But anger is not those things.
00:55:48I mean, people pretend to be angry, but they're just in a perpetual state of manipulation.
00:55:54That's all.
00:55:55It's not real.
00:55:56It's not genuine.
00:55:57It's not honest.
00:55:58Genuine anger can really be helpful.
00:56:02So, if, for instance, let's say that you have a, you have a, your wife, she has a really toxic mother, right?
00:56:13And maybe you've dealt with all of that or whatever, right?
00:56:15So, a really toxic mother, and then every now and then, that toxic mother is going to creep into the relationship.
00:56:19Or if you have a husband whose father was really dissociated and disconnected, that dissociation and disconnection is going to creep into the relationship.
00:56:26And you'll work with it, but sometimes you can only dislodge the ghosts of bad people from the past by getting angry.
00:56:34And exorcism isn't just tears and praying.
00:56:36Sometimes it's anger and holy water and caterwalling.
00:56:43To protect a marriage from the dysfunctional ghosts of decades past sometimes requires anger.
00:56:49All self-protection is bound up with anger.
00:56:53All self-protection is bound up with anger.
00:56:58The pretense of anger in order to silence others, the bullying of anger, right?
00:57:04That's rage.
00:57:05That's manipulation.
00:57:06It's nothing authentic or real, right?
00:57:08Rage and manipulation are designed to drive out the truth.
00:57:10Anger is frustration when you can't get to the truth, when there's things in the way of the truth.
00:57:18So, sexist in a marriage, you're just punishing each other.
00:57:23If you lock someone in your basement and you don't feed them, it's because you hate them.
00:57:28You want them to hurt.
00:57:29You want them to suffer, right?
00:57:30So, if you get into a monogamous sexual relationship and then neither of you figure out how you can happily provide sex with each other,
00:57:40that's because you're angry with each other and you have been, I assume,
00:57:46you've both been so frightened and scarred by anger and rage and manipulation in the past
00:57:50that you view all anger as destructive and abusive.
00:57:53Therefore, you don't have any way of protecting yourself from intrusions from the past,
00:57:59from the inner mother or father or whoever, right?
00:58:03And so, if your wife gets possessed by, say, a dysfunctional mother and you get angry,
00:58:11that is to drive out the dysfunctional mother.
00:58:13But if she won't let you get angry or won't accept you getting angry,
00:58:15then your wife gets taken over by her mother and then your sexual desire evaporates
00:58:20because you don't have her mother-in-law fetish, because you're not insane, right?
00:58:24So, anyway, it could be any number of things, but that would be how I would first install.
00:58:29If you want to do a call-in in private, freedomain.com slash call-in,
00:58:32just choose the private option.
00:58:34All right.
00:58:37Good evening, Steph.
00:58:38Would you say that you were the same person that you were 10, 20, 30 years ago?
00:58:42If you have changed, is it possible that when people say that partners change
00:58:46resulting in the end of their relationship, that maybe there is some truth to it?
00:58:51I don't experience this as a particularly honest question.
00:58:56This feels like a kind of gotcha, right?
00:59:00So, the reasoning would go something like this.
00:59:03Well, Steph, you're not exactly the same person that you were 30 years ago.
00:59:06I mean, God, man, 30 years ago, you were 28.
00:59:12I thought it was 18 for sex, like, no, no.
00:59:14So, yeah, 30 years ago, you were 28 years old.
00:59:18Are you saying you're exactly the same now as you were when you were 28?
00:59:23Well, no.
00:59:24Then people change, and therefore, people can get into relationships.
00:59:29And they can change.
00:59:31And therefore, how dare you say to people, if they say,
00:59:34well, my partner just changed, it's like, no, they didn't.
00:59:36You've changed, right?
00:59:37So, it feels like a little bit like being put into a corner, I think, unfairly.
00:59:45It's sort of like cancer is when the cells grow uncontrollably, right?
00:59:49So, are you saying that your cells have never renewed ever in your life?
00:59:53It's like, well, yeah, but that's the difference between cells renewing,
00:59:56which is growth of cells, and rampant growth of cells called cancer.
01:00:01These things are not the same, right?
01:00:06You know, breathing is very important for your health.
01:00:08Oh, are you saying you've never held your breath in your entire life?
01:00:11It's like, no, that's not really the same category.
01:00:14So, if in terms of being the same person, let's say 30 years ago when I was 28,
01:00:18well, 28, I'd already been 13 years into philosophy.
01:00:21I started when I was 15.
01:00:22So, 28, I was already in, I was a free market guy.
01:00:24I was a universal morality guy.
01:00:26I was at that point a minarchist, not a voluntarist.
01:00:32And I believed in communication, and I exercised.
01:00:36So, I would say that my values have not foundationally changed.
01:00:39How I manifest those values has changed a little bit,
01:00:41and they've certainly extended themselves.
01:00:44But if, you know, I mean, my wife, let's go 22 years ago, 23 years ago,
01:00:49I met my wife, right?
01:00:50So, almost a quarter century ago, I met my wife.
01:00:54And she is the same person as I met, foundationally.
01:00:58Of course, there have been growth and changes and all of that,
01:01:01but she's the same person.
01:01:02Personality is remarkably stable.
01:01:04And, I mean, I mentioned this before that many years ago,
01:01:09I was visiting a friend who happened to live right next to the high school
01:01:12we both went to, and there was a high school reunion, and we just went, right?
01:01:16I didn't even shave, didn't have a haircut, because, you know,
01:01:18people try to look good for these kinds of things, right?
01:01:21And I was around, and everybody was the same.
01:01:23And they even said to me, my God, you're the same.
01:01:25You're the same.
01:01:26So, I would say I didn't go from, I don't know, like evil to good,
01:01:32or anything like that.
01:01:34I've always been cautious.
01:01:35I've never done drugs.
01:01:36I've always been cautious about alcohol, and I think I last got drunk,
01:01:41I mean, close to 40 years ago.
01:01:43I was, what, maybe 21?
01:01:44I last got drunk.
01:01:45It was an after party for a play I was in.
01:01:49And that was it.
01:01:51And I was like, well, this is horrible.
01:01:52The spins are horrible.
01:01:54And losing your Sunday to vague headaches is all horrible.
01:01:57So, you know, am I going to wake up tomorrow and hate philosophy?
01:02:02No.
01:02:03Am I going to wake up tomorrow with an inability to do shows?
01:02:08No.
01:02:10You know, am I going to wake up tomorrow with anything other than an
01:02:16okay amateur half-singing voice?
01:02:18No.
01:02:19No.
01:02:20I mean, it's just the way that it is, right?
01:02:22It's just the way that it is.
01:02:33Alex says, my mother criticized me so badly that it made me suicidal.
01:02:37I'm so sorry about that.
01:02:39You know, murderous thoughts and instincts on the part of mothers is really
01:02:49common.
01:02:50I mean, it's common with dads, too, but murderous thoughts from mothers
01:02:55is a lot more common than people want to think.
01:02:58And we all know these sort of extreme cases where there's a family
01:03:00annihilator, like a mother.
01:03:03But, yeah.
01:03:07Murderous thoughts on behalf of mothers.
01:03:12It's not so much that you're...
01:03:15I mean, my humble opinion, obviously, I'm sorry if I'm stepping out of
01:03:18line, of course, right?
01:03:25But I would probably try to work with it like this.
01:03:28And again, with all due humility that I'm just going off a chance comment
01:03:31out of yours, but it would be something like, it's not like your mother
01:03:34criticized you to the point where you became suicidal, it's that you
01:03:37internalized your mother's desire for you to die in order to please her
01:03:41because pleasing her was necessary for your survival.
01:03:48I mean, my mother openly aided her children from time to time, for sure.
01:04:00Yeah.
01:04:02Yeah, the fact that you can record all of this stuff now is pretty wild, right?
01:04:16He says, I know a guy who did everything right, seemingly, amazing job,
01:04:19unbelievably great writer, listened to a show, I believe, as well, although
01:04:22he told me he couldn't quit watching porn even shortly after his huge
01:04:25wedding and getting married to his wife.
01:04:28Well, but I think isn't that a lot of shame weapon for women, right?
01:04:32How dare you, it's like cheating and so on.
01:04:34I mean, you're married to the guy, I think you just have to try and be
01:04:37curious and figure these things out.
01:04:48Hint to detect manipulation masking as anger equals emotional liability.
01:04:54Hint to detect manipulation masking as anger equals emotional liability.
01:05:01Yeah, they just changed, it's covered in my book, Real Time Relationships,
01:05:04that's vanity to think that, yeah, for sure.
01:05:08Have you done a truth about episode on siblings?
01:05:12Yeah, again, you'll have to tell me more about what you're talking about.
01:05:16I know that even under fairly loosey-goosey standards at the moment,
01:05:2050% of sibling relationships are classified as abusive.
01:05:27And abusive sibling relationships are often worse because you're supposed
01:05:34to be allies, like you're supposed to be, I remember reading through
01:05:38Lord of the Rings and when it came to sort of the, I mean, Frodo and Samwise
01:05:42are analogies for siblings confronting lies and manipulation
01:05:52at the heart of a family, right?
01:05:56Lability, oh, lability.
01:06:01Flexibility?
01:06:04Oh, continually undergoing change or breakdown.
01:06:10Sorry, I assumed that was a typo, my bad, sorry about that.
01:06:16Emotional lability, yeah, yeah.
01:06:19It's manipulation when there's a goal and there's a twist and turn
01:06:22to get to the goal and there's not an honest and direct communication.
01:06:25There's a manipulation when you are portrayed as being at fault no matter what.
01:06:31It is manipulation when everything has an agenda and there's a goal.
01:06:37If the guy just wants to sleep with the girl and doesn't really care about her,
01:06:40everything will be manipulative, right?
01:06:50Hi, Steph, what made it fully click to you, your brain and subconscious,
01:06:53that you were free from Trash Planet?
01:06:55Oh, yeah, so there were two, I won't get into the details of the people,
01:06:58but there were two incidents where I was just like, God, what am I doing here?
01:07:06There were two incidents.
01:07:08One was I was going to visit someone at a cottage.
01:07:20And it took forever to get there.
01:07:26And I got to the cottage and I stayed, I was supposed to stay the Friday
01:07:32and the Saturday night and then leave on the Sunday.
01:07:35And I went there for dinner and everybody was making these kind of course jokes.
01:07:41And it just felt Dostoevsky, Notes from the House of the Dead,
01:07:47Memoirs from the House of the Dead.
01:07:49It just felt cold and chilly and a kind of inhuman.
01:07:58And everybody was subtly putting everything down.
01:08:03Everybody was aping their superiority.
01:08:06And it was just creepy.
01:08:13And I was like, what am I doing?
01:08:15This is not for me.
01:08:18This is not for me.
01:08:21I can barely breathe here.
01:08:25Everybody was just weird.
01:08:32Half misfiring robots of automatic history or something like that.
01:08:39And I realized I couldn't say, there's an odd air to this gathering.
01:08:44Do you guys feel that?
01:08:45There's something odd about this gathering.
01:08:48Something's not right.
01:08:50I couldn't say that.
01:08:53Because that would be to be vulnerable among people to whom status is everything.
01:08:57And you can be vulnerable around people.
01:09:00But if anybody's interested in status or foundationally driven by status,
01:09:04you can't be vulnerable around them.
01:09:05Because then they'll just mock you and put you down.
01:09:09Because that gives them higher status.
01:09:11So I just remember thinking, okay, there's something not right about all of this.
01:09:16And I can't point it out.
01:09:18And I can't fix it.
01:09:19And I don't want it.
01:09:21And I did stay that night because it was too late to drive home.
01:09:24But then I just made an excuse that I had something to do in the business realm.
01:09:28And I was an entrepreneur back then, as I am now, but in the software field.
01:09:32And I just made my escape.
01:09:33And I never went back.
01:09:35That was number one.
01:09:37And I was just like, okay.
01:09:38And that was one of the last times I saw.
01:09:41I think that might have been the last time I saw a lot of those people.
01:09:44The next one was a dinner party.
01:09:54It was like a dinner party.
01:09:55And these are among people, again, I'm not going to get into any details.
01:09:58But this is with people who I knew could throw a fantastic dinner party.
01:10:04And they put no effort into it.
01:10:07I was there with my then girlfriend, soon-to-be fiance, soon-to-be wife.
01:10:12They just put no effort into it.
01:10:14They gave her like a half-frozen veggie burger patty.
01:10:18And it was just like, no.
01:10:20And then, yeah, again, people were just making these sort of coarse jokes
01:10:23and this harsh laughter.
01:10:24And everybody was so cynical.
01:10:28And I was just like, mm, this is cold, man.
01:10:31This is cold and empty.
01:10:34This is people hollowed out.
01:10:36No spontaneity, no genuine emotion, no connection.
01:10:40And I can't say how weird this is.
01:10:43Because if I say how weird this is, people will turn.
01:10:51I would describe to someone, I would describe that environment as the absence
01:10:54of the Holy Ghost in that place.
01:10:56Yeah, I follow the promptings and leave.
01:10:58You know, that is a really perfect way to put it.
01:11:03That is a really perfect way to put it.
01:11:12Thoughts on forgetfulness about past traumatic experiences.
01:11:15What is the best way you'd recommend to tap into what one went through as a child?
01:11:19For me, I blanked some of my really bad childhood experiences out.
01:11:23I have a hard time getting through some fog and the blanking to really feel how I
01:11:28felt and remember the situations adequately.
01:11:33Why do you want to re-experience past trauma?
01:11:46Would you like to know how to get over a bad childhood?
01:11:51Hopefully I have a little bit of credibility.
01:11:53With regards to this, would you like to know how to get over a bad childhood?
01:11:58I'm related, but freedomain.com slash donate.
01:12:03I'm related, but freedomain.com slash donate.
01:12:05I can tell you how to get over a bad childhood, and this is embedded in the
01:12:09call-in shows as a whole, but I might as well give you the abstract principle here.
01:12:13The way you get out of a bad childhood, the way you overcome a bad childhood,
01:12:16the way you put it in the past, the way you get over it, is to do the opposite
01:12:21of what you had to do.
01:12:25Right?
01:12:26If you were starved, if you were half starved to death, how do you regain your
01:12:33weight?
01:12:34Well, you do the opposite of starving, and you eat well.
01:12:40If, as a child, you were forced to lie, you tell the truth.
01:12:47You tell the truth.
01:12:50If, as a child, you were forced to defer to crazy people, stop deferring to
01:12:55crazy people.
01:12:58You just do the opposite.
01:13:01What was forbidden becomes permissible.
01:13:03What was permissible becomes forbidden.
01:13:05If you were forced to lie, stop lying and tell the truth.
01:13:10If you were forced to defer to crazy people, stop deferring to crazy people.
01:13:16If you were forced into silence, speak up.
01:13:23That's how you signal to your unconscious the childhood is over.
01:13:30Your childhood lasts as long as its habits.
01:13:38Your childhood lasts as long as the habits enforced upon you in your
01:13:42childhood.
01:13:49How do you know when you're done school?
01:13:50You stop going to school.
01:13:52Instead of going to school, you go not school.
01:14:05I was forced to submit to crazy people when I was a child.
01:14:15I was forced to submit to crazy people as a child.
01:14:22I had to bite my tongue and shut up because they got fucking angry and
01:14:28violent.
01:14:32So how do I know when childhood is over?
01:14:37When I say fuck you to the violent people and speak up.
01:14:44Does that make sense?
01:14:47As a child, I could not tell the truth to my parents.
01:14:52As an adult, I told the truth to my parents.
01:14:59As a child, I was not allowed to speak up and speak out against the lies
01:15:06of my teachers and professors.
01:15:10As an adult, I have a whole series called The Truth About...
01:15:16Karl Marx, the Native American Genocide, Israel and Palestine, Robin
01:15:22Williams, Donald Trump, right?
01:15:26I couldn't tell the truth because I'd get punished, failed, ostracized,
01:15:31exercised, boom, failed.
01:15:40So how do I know my childhood is over?
01:15:42Because I could just tell the truth.
01:15:44I mean, yes, I'll get punished for it, whatever, right?
01:15:46But I could still do it.
01:15:48I can survive the punishment.
01:15:54If your childhood was subjugated, your childhood lasts as long as your
01:15:57subjugation does.
01:16:01If in your childhood you were forced to lie, your childhood lasts as long as
01:16:04your lies.
01:16:06And I totally sympathize with everyone who was forced to lie as a child,
01:16:09hugely sympathize, absolutely, completely and totally, nothing but sympathy.
01:16:13But as an adult, you don't have to.
01:16:17Spoiler, as an adult, you can tell the truth.
01:16:20Is it going to cost you at times?
01:16:22Absolutely.
01:16:24Absolutely.
01:16:26But if you never tell the truth and you were forced to lie as a child, all
01:16:30you're saying is that childhood will never, ever, ever end.
01:16:45The way you overcome a bad childhood is you do the opposite of what was forced
01:16:50upon you as a child.
01:16:56Thank you for the tip.
01:16:57I appreciate that.
01:17:01Thank you for your Joseph McCarthy video.
01:17:03It's worth far more than $50.
01:17:06I appreciate that.
01:17:14Israel just attacked Iran?
01:17:18Yeah, I remember when I was playing Macbeth, we were in rehearsal and we were
01:17:24told that Israel had just bombed Iran.
01:17:30And we thought it might all be over.
01:17:34All of it.
01:17:40Israel has launched long-awaited counter-strike on Iran.
01:17:48Israel launches strikes against Iran in response to ballistic missile attacks.
01:17:55It's funny how they say strikes.
01:18:00I mean, the whole point of the military is to break things and kill people.
01:18:10Months of continuous attacks from Iran.
01:18:12On October 1st, Iran launched nearly 200 ballistic missiles at Israel.
01:18:18I mean, in general, war is the subjugation of the domestic population.
01:18:25This is incredible.
01:18:27You're welcome.
01:18:28Looking well, Steph.
01:18:29This is scary to hear.
01:18:37Politics is nothing more than the shadow cast by the population's desperation to
01:18:43lie to itself.
01:18:51If people would stop lying to themselves, politics would lose power.
01:18:56Politics is the shadow of Satan cast by the lies blocking the light of truth from
01:19:03the world.
01:19:04People want to lie to themselves.
01:19:05They want to lie to themselves.
01:19:07My team good, your team bad.
01:19:11Because they want to lie to themselves, you get violence and destruction.
01:19:15And because they lie to themselves, they have to be incredibly brutal on their
01:19:19children, which, well, we know that cycle.
01:19:24It's the macrocosm of the abusive family.
01:19:31All right.
01:19:35Trump might bring us to war with Iran.
01:19:39I don't think so.
01:19:41I mean, based upon the track history, there were virtually, I mean, there were no new
01:19:46got involved in during the four years of Trump.
01:19:55Although COVID was kind of a war in a way.
01:20:01So I'm not based upon prior experiences.
01:20:06All right.
01:20:07Any other last questions, comments, issues?
01:20:08I appreciate your time tonight.
01:20:12That's good.
01:20:13I will check out.
01:20:14I do like a good horror movie.
01:20:16The others with Nicole Kidman was great.
01:20:18I do like a good horror movie, but it's hard to find one that isn't just cheap
01:20:21ass junk food jump scares.
01:20:29Yeah.
01:20:30So the beautiful thing about philosophy is you don't have to lie to your
01:20:32children.
01:20:33And because you don't have to lie to your children, you don't have to be
01:20:35horrible and aggressive in your proselytizing of your values.
01:20:38You don't have to frighten them into compliance because you can reason them
01:20:41into knowledge.
01:20:47Israel is not striking Iranian oil fields or nuclear facilities.
01:20:50Yeah.
01:20:53That's pretty hard to beat the Israelis.
01:20:55Pretty hard to beat the Israelis.
01:20:57I mean, when they can do this whole pager thing, it's pretty tough to beat
01:21:04the Israelis.
01:21:10Do you think dream analysis is possible with your AIs?
01:21:13We're working on it.
01:21:14Yeah, we're working on it.
01:21:22The second coming of Jesus is soon?
01:21:25Yeah.
01:21:26No.
01:21:28No.
01:21:31This has been a really amazing show.
01:21:32I like the vibe on Friday night lies.
01:21:34I appreciate that.
01:21:36I appreciate that.
01:21:37And great questions, guys.
01:21:39And really do thank you for your support.
01:21:41If you're listening to this later, freedomain.com slash donate.
01:21:44I would love to love to love to get your support.
01:21:47And the call in AI analyzed my dream.
01:21:52Yes.
01:21:53Yeah.
01:21:54Oh, I did a fantastic dream analysis two nights ago.
01:21:56Oh, what a dream analysis.
01:21:58Holy crap.
01:22:00Holy crap.
01:22:03The.
01:22:07The dream analysis of a couple of nights ago, it'll be out at some point soon,
01:22:10but it was something else, man.
01:22:12Well, as deep as you can go without getting into the corner of a black hole.
01:22:16All right.
01:22:17So we're also going to be we are releasing.
01:22:20In fact, the let me just see if I can get the link.
01:22:24Just for those of you who are listening to this, you may not be supporters of
01:22:28the show as a whole.
01:22:29And that's that's fine.
01:22:31I don't care.
01:22:32Hurt me.
01:22:34But.
01:22:39Oh, fine.
01:22:40I can update.
01:22:42But the.
01:22:45One of the AIs is loose in the wild at the moment.
01:22:49One of the AIs is loose in the wild.
01:22:51And even if you're not a supporter, a donor, you can.
01:22:57Get and play around with the AI.
01:23:00Which is great.
01:23:02And let me just see if I can get.
01:23:05The link.
01:23:08Oh, no, it's installing.
01:23:11Anyway, hang on just a sec.
01:23:13I'll be back in a literal.
01:23:16Flash, but you should absolutely try the AIs.
01:23:19They really are good.
01:23:20Sometimes I wonder why people choose their abusive families over philosophy.
01:23:23Well, you're going to serve someone.
01:23:25You either serve reason or you serve crazy people.
01:23:28Because craziness doesn't speak for itself.
01:23:32So you either follow reason or you're a slave to crazy people.
01:23:36And the only chance we have for liberty.
01:23:39Is.
01:23:41Enslavement to reason, so to speak.
01:23:44Nature to be commanded must be obeyed.
01:23:47And liberty.
01:23:49To be achieved requires.
01:23:51Subjugation of the angry mammal will to.
01:23:54The dictates of reason and evidence.
01:23:58All right, let me see here.
01:24:06Yes, the call in AI.
01:24:08So we took, I don't know, 110, 120 call in shows.
01:24:12It's quite a lot of work.
01:24:14We took 100, 110, 120 call in shows.
01:24:17We split up the transcripts.
01:24:18And we fed my side and the other person's side into the AI.
01:24:22And some people.
01:24:25And you can go and ask that AI.
01:24:29So I'd ideally like to, and we're trying to work on this.
01:24:32Thank you, Matthew.
01:24:34I ideally would like to have it.
01:24:36You'd be able to talk to me and have it talk back like me.
01:24:38That way I can be immortal, beloved.
01:24:40But let's see here.
01:24:42But that's still to come.
01:24:44Still to come.
01:24:46So yeah, you can go.
01:24:48Freedomain.com slash.
01:24:50And these are hyphens.
01:24:52Call-in-ai-preview.
01:24:54So freedomain.com slash call-in-ai-preview.
01:24:59And you can go and check it out.
01:25:01And it's obviously not the same as a call in show with me.
01:25:04But it's not the total opposite either.
01:25:06And of course it's available for free.
01:25:08You can share it with others and have them give it a try.
01:25:12And it's really, really good.
01:25:15Steph, would you listen to Some Might Say by Oasis, please?
01:25:19You said you never listen to them.
01:25:21Look Back in Anger is a great song.
01:25:24Great song.
01:25:26A great, great, great song.
01:25:27I never tire of that song, to be honest with you.
01:25:29But I will check out the album.
01:25:31I appreciate that.
01:25:33All right, thanks everyone for a gloriously delightful deep evening.
01:25:36I really, really do appreciate it.
01:25:38If you're listening later, freedomain.com slash donate to help out the show.
01:25:43And enjoy all your benefits.
01:25:45Don't forget to go to fdrurl.com slash locals
01:25:48if you want to try the locals community for free.
01:25:51And also, if you want to check out the TikTok channel,
01:25:57I'd appreciate it if you would subscribe to that and share that around.
01:26:00That's fdrurl.com slash TikTok.
01:26:03Have a beautiful evening, everyone.
01:26:04Lots of love from up here.
01:26:05I'll talk to you soon.
01:26:06Bye.