Liberal Arts 2012 Comedy/Drama
Liberal Arts 2012 Comedy/Drama
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00It can be a big transition, especially if you're not from the city, so we try to help out with that transition in a number of ways.
00:07Wow, that's a real accomplishment. Congratulations.
00:10I mean, you're not in yet, but no, things are looking pretty good.
00:14We do an all-campus picnic, which is a nice way for the incoming students to...
00:19about this place is the classes.
00:21So you don't want to go to college?
00:23You know, I'm not up to date on the course catalog.
00:27One of the great things about this school is, you know, you have a campus called New York City.
00:32A spell check might be nice on these essays.
00:35Planning on taking your boards again? Love those extracurriculars.
00:38Have you heard about the meal plan?
00:41Fantastic.
00:42Where do you see things going, you know, after college?
00:57Mmm.
01:27Hey!
01:46Mmm.
01:54Look at our life, it's gone today. My sweet love, it's gone away.
01:58My sweet love, it's gone today. My sweet love, it's gone away now.
02:06Mmm.
02:12Yours or mine?
02:15Mine. You can have it if you want, though.
02:21Is that a new shirt?
02:23Uh, yeah, it is. Do you like it?
02:26Don't ask me that.
02:27Why?
02:29Because it's not my job to make you feel good about yourself anymore.
02:33Anything else?
02:34Oh, no, that's it.
02:41It's a nice shirt.
02:44Thanks.
02:49...a retirement dinner thing at the end of the month,
02:52and they asked me to invite any former students that might want to lie
02:55and say some nice things about me.
02:57And since you're one of the great liars that I know...
02:59When is it?
03:00Weekend of the 25th. You know, check your schedule.
03:03Okay.
03:05Checking now.
03:08Looks like I'm going to have to shift some things around, but...
03:12Yeah.
03:15I'll be there.
03:23Hi.
03:27Look at this. How are you?
03:38I'm good.
04:09Jesse.
04:11Yeah, hi.
04:12Hi, I'm David.
04:13This is Susan.
04:14Hi.
04:15Peter warned you that we'd be here.
04:16He did, he did, yeah.
04:18We're making him take care of us while we're here.
04:20How was your drive?
04:21It was good, yeah.
04:22Pleasant, actually.
04:24Peter, Jesse's here.
04:25So it's good to be back?
04:26Yeah, yeah.
04:27It's weird.
04:28I drove up the hill.
04:29I suddenly felt like I was seeing an ex-girlfriend or something.
04:31The one that got away.
04:32Exactly.
04:34Zippy loves it here so much, he gets sad to come home on breaks.
04:37Zippy?
04:38Sorry, Elizabeth, our daughter.
04:39She's a sophomore.
04:40She's in the improv group.
04:41We came up to see one of her shows.
04:43How was it?
04:44Hilarious.
04:45Filthy, but hilarious.
04:47So how do you guys know Peter?
04:49He was my camp counselor.
04:51No way.
04:52He made us sing pro-union songs around the campfire.
04:55You must stand up for your brother so you won't die for the man.
04:59Stand up for your brother so you won't die for...
05:02He never writes, he never calls.
05:04Oh, hey.
05:06How are we looking at you?
05:08Not bad.
05:10Who's hungry?
05:11I'm hungry.
05:12Okay, let's go.
05:13We've got a reservation.
05:16Oh, man, 37 years.
05:18Can you believe it?
05:20A native New Yorker spends 37 years in a county where the tallest building is nine stories.
05:26Oh, my.
05:29How are you feeling about it all?
05:31The retirement?
05:32Yeah.
05:33Oh, I don't know.
05:34Every year at faculty meetings, I throw myself off that nine-story building.
05:39So how's the admissions game, buddy?
05:43How's the admissions game, buddy?
05:47Whoa, is that Professor Fairfield?
05:49Yeah.
05:50Wow, she looks fantastic.
05:52Professor!
05:53What is she like?
05:54Is she cool?
05:55She's definitely not warm.
05:57I loved her British Romantic Lit class.
06:00She was like the best teacher I had here.
06:02She was like the second best teacher I had here.
06:05Unbelievable.
06:08You are unbelievable.
06:21Tell her how you feel.
06:22Hello.
06:26Jesse, this is my daughter, Zibby.
06:28Hi.
06:29Hi.
06:30Hello.
06:31Peter, should we follow you?
06:32If you think that's wise.
06:38And he's like, I had it up to here with America and it's repressive, regressive, fascist, whatever.
06:43I sound like that.
06:44That's how I sound.
06:45That's how I sound like that.
06:46And he gets up in front of the class and he says, I couldn't take it anymore.
06:49So I picked up my life and I moved to France.
06:53This is being ludicrously misreported, by the way.
06:55So I raised my hand and I said, wait, wait, wait, Peter.
06:58You're telling us you got so angry at this country that you moved to France?
07:03And Peter says, yeah.
07:06Well, I had a Fulbright.
07:09Yeah, if I told you what this putz was like when he was here, he'd run out of the room crying.
07:13Probably true.
07:15Well, what were you like when you were here?
07:17I was very handsome, wasn't I?
07:20Am I remembering that correctly?
07:21No, I don't remember that.
07:22But what I do remember is you being a real jerk to your parents on graduation weekend.
07:26He didn't want to leave.
07:28It's true.
07:29And I blamed my parents, weirdly, all four of them.
07:32Like it was their fault college was ending.
07:34Don't do that to us.
07:35I won't.
07:36She says that now.
07:38So your parents told me you're in the improv group.
07:41Yeah.
07:42How's that?
07:43It's the best.
07:44I love it.
07:45What do you love about it?
07:46Um, I think I love how terrifying it is.
07:51And how you have to say yes to everything.
07:54Sorry, what does that mean?
07:56It's like the only rule of improv, you can never say no.
07:59You have to say yes and then add something.
08:02Like, uh, like look.
08:04Um, okay, mom.
08:06You and I have been wandering in the desert for days and we're about to die, okay?
08:11Okay.
08:12Okay.
08:13Okay.
08:14And I say, hand me that lemonade.
08:20Hand me that lemonade.
08:25Jesus, Susan, hand her the goddamn lemonade.
08:28Never mind.
08:29Jesse, hand me that lemonade.
08:36Mmm.
08:37It's sweet just the way I like it.
08:39I nailed this.
08:44It doesn't make sense.
08:45We're in the desert.
08:47I mean, where would we get lemonade?
08:49Yes.
08:50Right.
08:51Great.
08:52Yeah.
08:53So what was your major?
08:55I was English with a minor in history.
08:57Just to make sure I was fully unemployable.
08:59Right.
09:00What about you?
09:01Drama.
09:02Maybe not officially, because my dad's not totally thrilled with the idea.
09:05So, maybe also art history.
09:08I'm just happy you go to class occasionally.
09:10I thought maybe you just improvised all day long.
09:12Nope.
09:13I mean, I do, I guess.
09:15Have you ever thought about that?
09:17About what?
09:18How everything in life is basically improvised.
09:20There's no script.
09:21We're just making this up as we go.
09:25That's true.
09:26Oh, yeah.
09:27Well, improv is deep, man.
09:29Yeah.
09:30Well, we're about to head out.
09:31Oh, pleasure to meet you, Jesse.
09:32Yeah, yeah, you too.
09:33Take care.
09:34Bye.
09:35So I'll see you around, I guess.
09:36Yeah, yeah, see you around.
09:37Okay.
09:38It was nice to meet you.
09:39Yeah, you too.
09:40See you later.
09:41See you later.
09:42Okay, bye.
09:47Enjoy college.
09:56You wearing a tie tonight?
09:59Huh?
10:02What can you say, really?
10:06People get up and say all this great stuff about you.
10:09I'm thinking, who in the hell are they talking about?
10:20Where does the time go?
10:22This seems impossible.
10:2337 years.
10:2537.
10:29There comes a time in a man's life when he hurts to do the math.
10:40You know, I worry that I've been here so long that I'll be lousy being anyplace else.
10:50Well, I guess I'll find out very shortly.
11:06Hey, thanks for the chicken.
11:08It was a little cold, but still.
11:13Think nice thoughts about me when I'm gone.
11:16If you can.
11:25No, they did it at Macalester.
11:27I really think you could work here.
11:29Well, it sounds great.
11:30Let's talk about it on Monday.
11:32Oh, sure.
11:35Night, Jesse.
11:36Yeah, good night.
11:39It's a good idea, though.
11:42Terrible idea.
11:47Oh, what a disaster.
11:49What? No, it was nice.
11:52You're not half the liar you used to be.
11:58You know what really means a lot to me is you came out for this.
12:02How could I miss it? You're the second best teacher I had.
12:05I'm serious.
12:06I'm serious.
12:13I'm going to take off.
12:14Well, I'll come with you.
12:15No, no, no. I want to be alone for a bit.
12:37I feel you, man.
12:39A lot of information in trees.
12:47How's your night going?
12:49Fine.
12:50Is your name...
12:54Ethan?
12:56No.
12:57Why?
12:58I don't know.
12:59I don't know.
13:00I don't know.
13:01I don't know.
13:02I don't know.
13:03I don't know.
13:04No.
13:05Why?
13:06You look like an Ethan to me.
13:08My name's not Ethan.
13:10How cool would that have been if that was your name and I just, like, knew it?
13:16Are you a student here?
13:18Uh, no.
13:19But, uh, thank you for thinking that.
13:21You?
13:22Nah, man.
13:23I'm just here visiting a buddy of mine.
13:25But it's not a bad place to kill a little time, huh?
13:29I'm Nat.
13:31I'm Jesse.
13:33Do you hear that music, Ethan?
13:35Sounds like a celebration.
13:38I say we do a little Sherlocking, find out where it's coming from and what's going on.
13:42Don't say no.
13:45Fortune never smiles on those who say no.
14:03I'll get you a beer, but...
14:05Alcohol's for suckers, man.
14:07Uh, yeah, listen, Nat, um, this isn't really my scene anymore.
14:11Give yourself five minutes to adapt, my brother.
14:14Change is never easy.
14:25Tell me this.
14:28What are your thoughts on crop circles?
14:30Uh, I don't have any.
14:33There's some serious, weird shit going on, bro.
14:36You think it's just a bunch of drunk English guys with planks and rope?
14:40You're a fool.
14:41Spend some time with those patterns.
14:44You can feel it.
14:46Something's trying to communicate with us.
14:49It should be on the front page of every paper.
14:52Every day.
14:54Okay.
14:56Hey! I thought that was you.
14:59Hi.
15:00How'd you end up here?
15:01He made a friend.
15:03Yeah, yeah, I, yeah.
15:05Look at you. You're, like, back in college.
15:09How does it feel?
15:12Oh, this is, uh, Vanessa.
15:14Hi.
15:15Hi. I'm Nat.
15:16Okay.
15:17Jesse's an alum. We had brunch this morning.
15:19I think my mom has a little crush on him.
15:21You went here?
15:22I did, yeah.
15:23When'd you graduate?
15:24Oh, man, it was, uh, the 90s.
15:28That was when we were born.
15:32Yeah, yeah. I'm old.
15:35But you look good.
15:39And you're overdressed.
15:43Hi.
15:57That's better.
16:01Why do I like this guy so much?
16:03Because he's likeable.
16:06Hey, let's get you guys some drinks.
16:08Yeah, no, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna take off.
16:11You should stay.
16:12No, really, I should go.
16:14Do you drink coffee?
16:16Yeah.
16:17What? That's crazy.
16:19So does my friend here.
16:21You two.
16:22Tomorrow, shh, coffee.
16:25Yeah, I could do that. You want to?
16:27Um, I, yeah, uh, yeah.
16:29That'd be, uh, that's great.
16:31Nine o'clock okay?
16:36Oh, oh, you're serious?
16:38Is, uh, 11.30 okay?
16:41Uh, yeah, that works.
16:43Hey.
16:44Hi.
16:45Um, can we talk?
16:47Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, okay.
16:49Uh, see you tomorrow?
16:51Yeah, yeah, see you then.
16:53Okay.
16:55Hey, Vanessa.
17:00Don't sweat that guy.
17:03She only had eyes for you.
17:06Okay, goodnight now.
17:09Goodnight, Ethan.
17:36Can I help you?
18:05Sorry.
18:06I just, uh, just the best book of all time.
18:10I just like holding it, I guess.
18:13Best book of all time?
18:15Well, one of them, sure.
18:17Have you ever noticed how everyone around here speaks in wild hyperbole?
18:20Everything's the best.
18:22Like he's the best professor ever,
18:24or this is the best patty melt on the planet.
18:26As if they've sampled every possible variety of professor and patty melt,
18:30which is, as we know, logistically impossible.
18:34Yeah.
18:50Hey, am I super late?
18:52Uh, no. You want a coffee?
18:54No, I'll just drink yours.
18:57You okay?
18:58I don't know yet.
19:04I smell like beer. Do you smell that?
19:09Yeah, actually, you do.
19:13Uh, I need to excuse myself.
19:16Just for a moment.
19:20Sorry about that.
19:22Back there.
19:24You walked away, and I was just wondering
19:26why I was being rude to someone who loves the same writer I do.
19:31And I don't have an answer for that.
19:33Okay.
19:35Okay, so, yeah, um,
19:38I'm sorry about that.
19:41My grades tanked senior year.
19:43That book was the only thing I wanted to read.
19:46You liking it?
19:47Uh, yeah.
19:49Um, it's my second time reading it, actually.
19:53Wow. That's impressive. It's not short.
19:56Yeah, I know.
19:57You know, he said the purpose of fiction was to combat loneliness.
20:00That's true.
20:02I mean, I don't know.
20:04I don't know.
20:06You know, he said the purpose of fiction was to combat loneliness.
20:09That's good.
20:11I never heard that.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Though, on the other hand,
20:15spending most of your time with an 1,100-page book
20:17tends to put a dent in your social life.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Loneliness simultaneously increased and decreased.
20:26Hey.
20:28What, you guys know each other?
20:30Yeah, we had Symbolic Lodge that first semester.
20:33Zippy.
20:34Right. Uh, Dean, hi.
20:36Hey.
20:37I'm Jesse, by the way.
20:38Okay.
20:43Interesting guy.
20:45Yeah.
20:46No one can believe he's even back here.
20:48Why? What do you mean?
20:50He had a manic episode last year.
20:53Eventually, they took him to a hospital and, I don't know,
20:56calmed him down, I guess.
20:58He's supposed to be, like, the smartest guy ever.
21:03Everything okay?
21:04Yeah, everything's great.
21:06I puked.
21:08Oh.
21:09That's gross.
21:10Sorry, you did not need to hear that.
21:12Come on, let's, um, let's walk.
21:18My parents really liked you.
21:20Oh, that's nice.
21:21I like them.
21:23You're really lucky to have parents like that.
21:26Like what?
21:27Like, uh, I don't know.
21:29Around, first of all.
21:31Still together so they can fret over you as a team.
21:34Yeah, I guess.
21:36I like them best when they're not being so parental,
21:38which is, like, 1% of the time.
21:42Oh, I, um, I thought of this great trick for having them
21:45annoy me less.
21:46Want to hear it?
21:47Okay.
21:48Okay.
21:49I decided to treat my parents like they're always drunk.
21:51No, really, it works.
21:52Anytime they say something irritating or offensive,
21:55I'm just like, oh, I can't get mad at them.
21:58They're drunk.
21:59It's not their fault.
22:00They should take advice from drunk people seriously.
22:02That's great.
22:04Do you like classical music?
22:06Uh, yeah, sure.
22:07Okay.
22:08I took this music survey class last year.
22:11Oh, my God.
22:12It totally changed my life.
22:18I'm really happy I ran into you last night.
22:20Yeah, yeah, me too.
22:22It was random.
22:26Who was that guy?
22:29What guy?
22:30The last night, that guy.
22:32Oh, um, his name is Eric.
22:37Eric.
22:39Is, uh, Eric your fella?
22:42No.
22:44No.
22:48You know, I think I like almost everything about this place,
22:53but the dude situation.
22:55Not great?
22:56No one, like, dates.
22:58Everyone's so casual about it all.
23:03Same as when I was here.
23:05Yeah.
23:08I guess there's part of me that's a little old-fashioned.
23:18Well, on behalf of all current and former 18 to 22-year-olds,
23:25I'd like to apologize.
23:28Forgive us.
23:30Seriously.
23:31We know not what we do.
23:39I think one of the things I love the most about being here
23:43was the feeling that anything was possible.
23:46Just infinite choices ahead of you.
23:49You get out of school, and anything could happen.
23:53And then you do get out, and life happens, you know?
23:58Decisions get made,
23:59and then all those many choices you had in front of you
24:02are no longer really there.
24:04At a certain point, you just gotta go,
24:06oh, I guess this is how it's going down.
24:09And there's just something a little depressing about that.
24:13Well, don't you think you're romanticizing youth a bit much?
24:17Yeah, because it's just as hard and annoying to be young
24:21as it is to be old, I'm assuming.
24:23Not that you're old, because, you know, you're not.
24:26Look, I get the whole we're all equal argument,
24:30and it's kind of true, but it's also kind of not true.
24:33Like, okay, I feel different now than I felt when I was here,
24:38and I hate to break this to you, but so will you.
24:42So you're saying things suck?
24:44I should prepare myself for suckiness?
24:46No, a liberal arts education solves all your problems.
24:49What if we hugged?
24:52Come on.
24:54Okay.
24:58Pat, you were here a long time ago.
25:00Whoa, okay.
25:02Enough, enough.
25:12Hey, before you go, I thought you might like these.
25:17I don't really need them anymore, and here.
25:20Look at this one.
25:24Huh? No?
25:27Oh, please, that's a great shirt.
25:29You know the trouble I caused in this shirt?
25:31I can only imagine.
25:33And you got no taste on top of everything else.
25:35Oh, my God, what a beautiful shirt.
25:37I'm not giving it to you anyway.
25:38All right.
25:39Oh, it feels great.
25:44Hello?
25:45Oh, hi.
25:48No, no, he's still here.
25:51Yeah, hold on.
25:55Zippy?
25:59Hello?
26:00You haven't left yet?
26:01Uh, no.
26:02Good. I need to see you before you go.
26:05Will you meet me at the bookstore?
26:09Say yes.
26:10Yes.
26:12Okay.
26:15I was just asking about a book I recommended.
26:17All right, I'm off.
26:18Okay.
26:19Be a gentleman, walk me to my car.
26:20All right, all right.
26:21Thanks for the shirts.
26:22I'll get them next time, okay?
26:23Yeah, you'll be on the road.
26:25You'll be safe.
26:26Maybe I'll call him up.
26:34Hey.
26:35Hey.
26:36Sorry, I don't want to hold you up or anything,
26:38but I, um, I made this for you.
26:41Burned it, whatever.
26:43Um, it's music from the survey class I was telling you about.
26:46Oh.
26:47Paschal, Baroque, Opera.
26:49Wow.
26:51This is great.
26:53I know none of this.
26:55Who says we always have to be listening to obscure indie bands, right?
26:58Right.
27:00So, um, yeah, I don't know.
27:02This is all music I never thought I'd like or care about,
27:05and this class just...
27:08You know how you can be told something so many times,
27:10and it's like, whatever,
27:12and then you have a great teacher take you through it,
27:15and suddenly it's like Beethoven.
27:18Whoa.
27:22This is really great.
27:24I wish I had come up with something for you.
27:28You know what you could do?
27:31You could write me a letter.
27:34I could do that?
27:36Handwritten, I mean.
27:37Like with a pen or something.
27:39Yeah, paper.
27:41Maybe seal it with some red wax.
27:43I could listen to this while I'm writing.
27:45Right, it'll be like full-on 17th century.
27:47Right, right.
27:49So, um, I don't have your address.
27:52108 is my P.O. Box, and you can figure out the rest, right?
27:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:57I also, um, I put my number on the inside of the case.
28:01Yes, you did.
28:03You know, in case you ever, whatever.
28:06Yeah, right.
28:08Okay.
28:10Well.
28:11Well.
28:13Yeah.
28:14Bye.
28:15Bye.
28:25Professor Fairfield.
28:28Uh, Jesse Fisher.
28:31I, um, I took your British Romantic Literature class
28:35when I was here as a student.
28:39And?
28:41And I loved it.
28:53Great.
29:05Hey, Dean.
29:09I know it's bad for you.
29:11Just quit when you graduate, like everyone else.
29:14Sweet ride.
29:16You jerk.
29:18It's a rental.
29:20I'm not the best at flying.
29:22I can understand that.
29:24Where you headed?
29:25Back to my dorm.
29:26Get in.
29:27I'll give you a lift.
29:36So you went here, right?
29:38I did.
29:39You liked it?
29:40A lot.
29:42I mean, you block out the bad memories.
29:44Writing a senior thesis.
29:46February.
29:47Yeah, February here sucks.
29:49Yeah, it's horrible.
29:51So other than February, things are good for you here?
29:55I wouldn't say that.
29:59You want to, uh, you can tell me about it if you want.
30:04Well, um, it's not exactly a secret.
30:08Last year I kind of, um, lost my mind a bit.
30:14I don't really remember much of it,
30:16but apparently I got up to some pretty amusing antics.
30:20So now they've got me on this pretty heavy stuff,
30:26which I guess allows me to function,
30:30but it also makes everything seem underwater,
30:33which is not as pleasant as it sounds.
30:36Why'd you come back?