NONSENSE NEWSREEL
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00:00Musique de la Marseillaise
00:30As a mounting wave of crime sweeps the nation, aroused citizens are forming investigating committees to find out the facts.
00:39Here's the reaction of one mayor, Honest John Ballot of Boxville.
00:44My friends, it is with open arms that I welcome this here investigating committee.
00:51I take pride in the fact that criminal elements have been driven from this town never to return
00:58and gambling is absolutely unknown.
01:03Shoot a bullet. You'll faint it. Come on, seven.
01:07I have never taken a bribe and would rather perish on the spot than do so.
01:15No one can stoop so low, and I mean low, to challenge the accomplishments of my administration
01:22and furthermore, our penal institutions are second to none.
01:29Nonsense News now takes you to the Society for Psychic Research,
01:33where the world-famous hypnotist, Professor Eyckup, has begun a series of startling experiments in levitation.
01:53Every weekend, small communities find their main streets jammed with heavy traffic.
01:59Here's how one enterprising town has solved the problem.
02:10You are now viewing actual pictures taken on the expedition of that famous explorer, Dr. Munchenfuss, as we approach his latest discovery.
02:23Here I am, folks, surrounded by the friendly natives of this beautiful spot,
02:27whose gracious chief has just invited me to dinner.
02:45A large crowd gathered last week to witness the christening of the USS Goliath.
02:50This new monarch of the seas has been built to withstand the fiercest of storms.
03:04And now we bring you up-to-the-minute fashion notes for the ladies.
03:08No wardrobe is complete these days without a sweet fur piece to set off my ladies' costume.
03:15Here are two of the most rare and beautiful ones,
03:18priced at only $10,000 each.
03:21Found at all the feather shops, these furs are fashioned with the highest skill
03:26and are a must for those who wish to look their smartest at all times.
03:34Here's good news for the ladies.
03:36With this new type girdle, any woman can have the perfect female figure.
03:40Using the principle of the inner tube, it can be inflated to just the desired size
03:45and creates a perfect foundation for any garment.
04:00Speaking of fashions, some of the leading racketeers in the country are gathered here today
04:05to witness a demonstration of a new single-breasted bulletproof vest by the inventor himself.
04:11If successful, it bids fair to revolutionize the whole racketeering industry.
04:34Nonsense news in the world of sport.
04:36Here at training quarters, Shifty Schlabotka trains for his forthcoming championship.
04:42According to his manager, Schlabotka is a college graduate, holder of three degrees,
04:46and due to his superior intelligence, he claims no one can lay a glove on him.
05:04This week, scientists gathered from all over the world to witness the volcanic eruption of Mount Slopover.
05:11Everyone is standing by, tense, waiting.
05:15And there it goes!
05:27And now something for the kiddies.
05:30Here we are at the zoo, just at feeding time.
05:33Isn't that lucky?
05:36Ooh, there goes the keeper now.
05:38Into the lion's cage with a big bucket of raw meat.
05:43Let's tiptoe over and take a peek.
05:47My, my, where's the keeper?
05:59And now to the army proving grounds with our fearless nonsense news cameraman,
06:03who is right on the spot to give you a daring close-up of the latest guided missile in flight.
06:09And here it comes.
06:11Say, it seems to be coming this way.
06:13Straight for the camera.
06:14It is coming straight for the camera!