A podcast explaining how unsafe I feel as a black, single, poor woman living in the United States of America.
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00:00I don't feel safe. I never feel safe. I wake up every day feeling unsafe. I've been waking
00:07up feeling unsafe for almost a decade now. Every day I wake up, my stomach starts turning.
00:13I feel like I'm about to vomit. I feel like I'm about to throw up. I feel like people
00:17are watching me and spying on me. I don't have any privacy. I feel like this every single
00:23day. I'm being spied on every day. I don't have no privacy in my own room. I don't have
00:29any privacy at all. I could be sitting in my own room and people would know exactly
00:35what I'm doing in there, from what I eat, to the time I go to sleep, to what I'm watching
00:40on TV. And it's sick. I have no privacy. I don't live alone, so people are always watching
00:47me. I wish I lived in the middle of nowhere. I wish I stayed somewhere where it wasn't
00:52anything around me. It's just nothing around me. I mean, sometimes that can be a bad thing,
01:03like if an emergency happened and I needed a neighbor to rescue me or call 911 or something,
01:08I wouldn't have that. But there's a lot of people in the world that live that way. There's
01:13a lot of people that live in the middle of nowhere and there's nothing surrounding them.
01:17So how do they do it? I mean, do they have a life alert or something? I mean, it'd probably
01:24take the 911 a long time to get to them if something happened, if they're that far out
01:28in the middle of nowhere. It's a lot of people that live that way. I've seen stories about
01:36people having to take a boat to get to their house because their house is so remote. You
01:42can only get there by boat or plane. And they have to use a boat or a plane to find all their
01:50groceries and to their house. That's how remote they are. It's a lot of people living that remote.
01:54And I wish that was me now. Like I've been in the city so long that I wish I was in the country. I
02:03used to like the city. I used to look up to it. I used to think it was more to do, more to see,
02:11that more opportunities. That's not necessarily true. Just because you're in a city, that doesn't
02:16mean that there's always going to be more to do or more to see. The country is just,
02:22living in the middle of nowhere, it's just as better than this city. It's always violence in
02:27the city. It's always nosy people. It's always stalkers. It's always somebody around watching.
02:33When you're not isolated from society or civilization and you're not a remote area,
02:39it's always somebody that will know your business. And I don't like that. I value my privacy. I don't
02:47want a bunch of gay and sexist people picking on me and looking at me and talking down on me. They
02:55always calling me tarred. They call me all types of names, especially women. Women are the most
03:02degrading. They're down low lesbians. Some of them have incest and they hate my guts. They
03:09some of them are sloppy. They're obese. Some of them are just flat out gay. They sleep with a lot
03:15of women. Some of them have AIDS. They have a disease. They have some type of disease. I don't,
03:22not AIDS, but any type of disease. Some of them can't bear children. They had a miscarriage or
03:29they just can't bear children for whatever reason. Some of them are transgender. They don't even have
03:33the right body parts down there. Some of them are bald head. They don't have no hair on their head.
03:38I have a lot of hair on my head. So I don't, I've never been bald head a day in my life. So I don't
03:44know what these women problem is, why they so sickening and stingy and gay towards me. But I
03:50be wanting to run from that all the time. I'm not gay. Like I said, I got to say this over and over
03:55and over and over and over until I go and take a polygraph test. I haven't taken a polygraph test
04:02yet because it's too expensive. It's $400 for only four questions. So if I want to ask eight
04:08questions, it's going to be $800. Like it's very high and I don't have the kind of money. Um, but
04:15I do want to prove my case. I do want to prove my side that I'm telling the truth and that I'm not
04:20telling a bunch of lies to people or on the internet. I want the world to know that I'm
04:25being honest and I'm telling the truth. One of the main things that I hate that my, my, um, the
04:34bullies do, like every, it's so dangerous running away from people that is sexist and evil. It is
04:40very, very dangerous. Over the past few years, I have ran away probably a hundred times. I lost
04:48count. I don't even know how many times I ran away, but all the states I ran to on that map that I,
04:53that I showed, um, the internet, the gruesome travel history map, all of those states that I've been to
05:00are on there. And it is very dangerous when you're running from an asexual person, a bully, a rapist,
05:07a pedophile, or, um, a stalker. It is very, very dangerous. It's not as easy as people think it is
05:14to just pack up your stuff. That's why when you see a lot of these domestic violence cases on TV,
05:19they're always saying, leave, leave before it's too late. Don't let this be, don't let this,
05:24what happened to my people happen to you. Leave. Don't let it happen to you. Leave before it's too
05:30late. Everybody can't afford to leave. That's why they end up getting, uh, killed or whatever,
05:37because it's hard leaving people that abusive. Like, there's no hope for domestic violence.
05:44I don't, I lost hope. There's no hope. There's no hope for that much violence. Absolutely. There's
05:51no way out. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. I can sit here all day and say,
05:56there is a way out. Leave before it's too late. I wouldn't suggest leaving because it's more
06:03dangerous. My personal experience, when I try to leave people that abusive, they start stalking
06:09and pestering me. They lie. They tell people that I'm annoying. I'm a bugaboo. I'm bothering them.
06:18I'm whack. I'm lame. I'm retarded. They call me a gay lady, all types of names. And then when I
06:26pack up and leave my stuff, they start stalking me and harassing me and pestering me and telling,
06:31spreading lies on me and telling people, telling me that they're not going to let me go. They'll
06:36be like, we ain't letting you go. I'm not going to let you go. They say all these things about me.
06:43Like, I'm lame. I'm corny. I'm a bum. No one wants me. No one ever want to date me.
06:52I'll never be useful for anything. I'll never get a job. I'll never be rich. I'll never have my own
06:57house. Those gays and those bullies fill my head up with all this negativity. And then when I leave,
07:06they say that they're not going to let me go. They start stalking and pestering me, harassing me.
07:10Some of them will start calling my phone and hanging up without saying anything. Some of them
07:14will send me hate mail to my email. Some of them will text my phone and say they're watching me
07:21and they're not going to let me go. Like I said, I haven't ran away in almost two years because I
07:26realized how dangerous it is to get away from people like that. Most of the times when I run
07:32away from an abusive person or a bunch of bullies, I end up in the hands of a human trafficker,
07:39or I end up in a shelter, or I am homeless on the street, or I end up in another abusive
07:44relationship where somebody's beating me up every day and I don't got nowhere to turn to.
07:49I'm always being financially abused. These people don't want me to have any money and
07:53they don't want me to be financially stable so that I can successfully escape them.
07:58The first thing an abusive person would want you to do is be poor. They don't want you to
08:04have no money because they know if you have money you'll be safe. They know if you have
08:08money to buy a crib and take care of yourself and isolate yourself from the situation that
08:14you can be safe. So the first thing they want to make sure you do is that you don't have any money
08:19and that's what they always do. They try to make sure I don't have any money first
08:22so they can keep being abusive and sickening. These are very, very sick people. They're sick
08:29in the head. They won't let me go. They don't want me to be financially stable. They don't want
08:35me to be mentally stable and they don't want me to be safe. They're very, very sick in the head.
08:40There's nothing I can do about it. I tried running away hundreds of times over the past decade. I
08:45lost count. I don't know where else to run to. There's a lot of places. I'm not a world traveler.
08:51I've never left the United States. I've been in the United States my whole life. For over 30 years
08:56I've been in the United States and I've been to 17 states and none of those 17 states could help
09:02me. Every time I try to run away I end up in a migrant crisis or if I end up in one of these
09:08large cities where they have migrants coming there on buses all the time which is usually
09:13the type of buses that I end up on. I usually end up on the buses where they're shipping people.
09:18I have a car I could drive to these places too so it really doesn't matter how I get there. I flew
09:23to Cali. I've taken buses to New York. I've driven to Chicago. I've driven to Florida in a car.
09:33There's multiple places to get to these different places and once I get there it's a bunch of bull.
09:39I never get what I'm looking for after I get there. I'd be trying to find a safe place to go
09:45trying to get a job and have stability and so I can stay safe from predators and people that are
09:52telling lies on me but I cannot. These people they're liars. I'm not irritating. I'm not a
09:58bugaboo. I don't stalk people. I don't look for anything from men. Men don't owe me anything.
10:05They don't do nothing for me. They don't take me out to eat. They don't pay my bills. They don't
10:09buy my clothes. Men do not do anything for me. They do not take care of me. They're not responsible
10:15for me and I don't hold them responsible for me. I don't hold a man responsible for anything.
10:21I don't tell I don't go around telling people that these men owe me money or they should be
10:27taking care of me or they should be spoiling me or anything. I'm not that type of person.
10:31I don't look for them to do anything for me. They don't have to do anything.
10:37I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself. I've been single all my life. I'm supposed to
10:43be able to take care of myself without the help of another person and these bullies and these
10:48sickos and these clowns are not letting me grow. I cannot grow. I cannot escape that much
10:56and gayness and abuse. It just follows me everywhere I go. I can leave and go to another
11:02state that I've never been to. One of those states that I've never been to and run into the same
11:07situation after I get there because these clowns and these frauds and these bullies
11:13are not letting me live my life the way it should be lived. I live in captivity. Every day I wake up
11:21I'm trapped around bullies and queers and faggots that hate my guts and I can't do anything about
11:27it. They call me all types of names. They degrade me. They look down on me. They spread lies on me.
11:32They bite me. They hurt me. They pester me. They harass me and they annoy me and every time I try
11:39to pack up my stuff and leave they start stalking and bullying me and I run into the same problem
11:46wherever I go and I don't understand why and that's why I don't believe in God anymore.
11:53That's one of the main reasons why I'm not a Christian because those people God is allowing
12:00all of this nasty sickening stinky molestation and abuse to happen to me
12:08and if there was a real God the way they say they are then he would save me and he has not saved me
12:14so therefore I do not believe and then there's those Christians. Some of these programs make
12:20you go to group sessions. They make you go to church and all that type of stuff. That is a cult
12:25to me. I don't see it the way they do. I see it as a cult. It's a cult. That's all it is.
12:33That much Christianity and abuse is a cult and I don't believe in it. There's no way out. I can't
12:39sit here and lie to you. I'm saying the same thing over and over. I'm constantly trying to prove my
12:45innocence. Constantly trying to prove to the world that I'm telling the truth and I'm not a liar
12:50and no one cares. I'm still being bullied and pestered by these gay and sexist bullies and
12:56they're very very smelly and disgusting. They do a lot of smelly, sickening, stinky, gross,
13:03sickening, trashy stuff to me and they won't leave me alone. I'm not a bugaboo. I don't
13:08stalk these people. I don't be in their face looking for anything. I'm not a man face trying
13:13to get money out of them. None of that. I don't show people my body. I don't show people my face.
13:19I don't even make them look at me when I'm in public. I don't make them look. Why are,
13:25why if I'm that covered up, my face and my body is covered up,
13:29why is these haters still looking at me hating? Why don't they turn their head and look somewhere else?
13:37You know those gay and sexist bullies know that I'm trying to get them off of me.
13:42They've been knowing that I'm trying to keep them off of me and they still doing the same thing to
13:46me. They know that I'm trying to keep them off of me. They know that I don't want to be around them.
13:52They know that I don't mess with them like that. They know that I find them disgusting and that
13:56they make my stomach turn and I think that they're a pile of human waste. They know that
14:01and they like being sickening on purpose. They're sickening on purpose. They like irritating me.
14:08They like pestering me. They like annoying me. They like harassing me. They want to be evil
14:14and gross and taboo and sickening on purpose. They're weirdos. They really, really weird and
14:22sick in the head. Like they'll tell people, like for example, a man might say, I don't want that
14:31tart. I don't want that lady. Man, get that fucking tart away from me and my squad. Get
14:35that tart away from me and my homeboy. I don't want her like that. I put out all these music
14:41with the lyrics explaining to these men that I don't want them that way. I'm not trying to be
14:45around them. I'm not trying to steal their boyfriends. I'm not gay. I definitely don't
14:49want their bitches. I don't understand why they'd steal Ryan and acting like I want them.
14:55I don't want anything from these gay and sexist men. They don't have to take care of me. They
15:01don't have to spread lies on me. They can just back off and stay away. I'm not in their, never
15:06in their face looking for anything. They're always speaking to me. Telling me what's up,
15:11ma. How you doing? Can I get your number? And then if I give them their number and they,
15:16and they hear the rumors about the false rumors about me in the streets, they start
15:20bullying me and start telling people that I'm chasing them. A man will call my phone
15:26five times a day and act like I called them first and I didn't even call. And they'll have everyone
15:32thinking that I'm, I'm an annoying nuisance and I never even call their phone.
15:39I'm tired of being treated that way. I don't believe in God. I don't believe that there's
15:44any hope. I don't believe that I'll ever be rich. I don't believe that I'll ever be anything.
15:48I don't believe that I'll ever be shit. I don't believe that I'll ever have my own space,
15:53my own privacy. And I don't ever believe that I'll be respected. When I die, I'll probably be
15:58disrespected. And some of them bullies lie. Like when I try to run away, like when I'm around,
16:04they'll be like, get the tart away from us. We don't want her. We don't like her. Get that little
16:09ugly monkey, black monkey away from me. Go away. And then soon I go away. They'll lie and tell
16:16people that they're my friend. Oh, that's my homie. That's my homegirl. I ain't letting her
16:20go nowhere. I'm her friend for life. That's my woman. That's my boo. That's my homie. I'm,
16:25I'm not, I'm not letting her go. She with me for life. That they'll lie and pretend like they
16:31really with me. And they bullied me and told me to go away. They do stuff like that. It's some
16:38sick fuck, sloppy, gay, queer fucks out here. They do stuff like that. They do sickening stuff.
16:45They will tell people that they don't like me and they want me to go away and they don't
16:52rock with me. And then when I run away, they will lie and say that they're my friend and they're my
16:57homie and they're not letting me go. They do been doing this stuff to me for years.
17:04The more they do it, the more molested I feel. I feel like I've been raped by a million gays.
17:11I feel like I've been molested and by a million fucking gay people. It hurts. It's disgusting.
17:20I have to cover my, I can cover my body up with five layers of clothing and I'll still feel
17:26molested by those kinds of people because they're still bullying me. I can cover up my face with
17:32six scars. Every inch of my skin color covered up my hands. You can't, you don't even know what
17:39color I am underneath of my clothes. And I still feel molested because they're still bullying me.
17:46Why are people that's telling me to go away
17:51lying to people after I go away and acting like they're my homie. That's gross as hell.
18:00That is disgusting. Every day I wake up disgusted. I feel like I want to throw up a million times.
18:07That is so gross. It is gross for people to tell me to go away that many times.
18:14And act like they that irritated by me. And then when I leave, they start telling lies and start
18:19acting like I'm their friend and start acting like they with me and they're not letting me go.
18:24And they're going to hold on to me forever. Like I said, the movie stalking Laura is a
18:29perfect example. It's an old ass movie. I done watched it several times. I'm still making
18:34references to that movie because that's a perfect examples of how these people treat me.
18:39Some of these niggas I've never even been with. And the women, I definitely don't know them.
18:45The women that's saying they're my homegirl and they're my friend and they slept with me and
18:48they did that. They are liars. I don't know these women from a can of paint. They are liars.
18:55They have never been there for me. They have never been my homegirl. I have never had any friends.
19:00I've never had gay, lesbian sex. I'm not a homosexual. I've never had incest. I've never
19:06slept with my cousins and I've never did any of that. They are liars. They're liars from the pit
19:13of hell. And I want them to leave me alone. I don't like the way they look. I don't like the
19:17way they smell. I don't like the way they smell. I don't like anything about them. Everything about
19:24these bullies turn me off. From their smiles to their cockiness to their, to their, to their
19:31I'm tired of going through this. I'm tired of being bullied. It is disgusting. Being bullied
19:38is a public health crisis that cannot be solved. Bullying, I've already saw that racism is a public
19:45health crisis. Bullying is too, in my opinion. Their racism is a public health crisis.
19:51There's a lot of people that look at me and don't like me just because they hate black.
19:55And I always have to cover my skin like I'm the Ku Klux Klan. The only thing you can see is my eyes.
20:01And sometimes I have to wear sunglasses to cover those up too.
20:08You can, you can't even see my skin. Why do I have to cover my skin?
20:12Why do I have to cover my face? Why do I have to cover my nose? Why do I have to cover my mouth?
20:18You can, you can't even see my skin. Why am I still being bullied if the people can't even see me?
20:24I'm walking around in public in the store still getting bullied because them gay nosy
20:29queers know who's under the, who's hiding under all that stuff. It's none of their business who
20:35hiding under that, my, under, under that outfit. It's none of their business. Why are people that
20:41are sexist and gay worried about what somebody, who somebody is underneath of their clothes?
20:47Why aren't they paying attention to themselves and each other?
20:52I'm tired of being molested. I'm tired of being tortured. I'm tired of being stalked.
20:56I'm tired of being harassed. And I'm tired of being bullied by the same old clowns that
21:00claim that I'm being annoying and want me to go away. But when I do,
21:03they tell me they're not going to let me go. And they start stalking me. I'm sick of it.
21:16I'm sick of it.