+[Watch] [Crackcoon] 2024 Hollywood Movie .
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00:05:21That's enough! It is my turn.
00:05:25Come on!
00:05:50Take that!
00:06:01You got any of that crack left?
00:06:10Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:06:40oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:07:10oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:07:40oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, scholars,
00:07:56You know for the chump change this cheap-ass colony's paying me I oughta give up doing autopsies altogether.
00:08:03I got a funeral parlor to run upstairs
00:08:06I don't need this gruesome little sidekick.
00:08:09Come on, Lewis.
00:08:11I mean, they'd still be wheeling in your gunshot victims,
00:08:14your stabbing victims, and, you know,
00:08:16kids getting mangled up in car accidents.
00:08:18Yeah, but all I have to do is make them look pretty.
00:08:20I don't have to saw off the tops of their skulls.
00:08:24You make a good point.
00:08:27This one freaks me out,
00:08:31especially when I think about her eyes,
00:08:34which aren't really there, man.
00:08:36It's like somebody stuffed little tiny oranges in there.
00:08:41The pupils are gone.
00:08:43Yeah, I can't believe the perp kept hitting her
00:08:45over and over.
00:08:46I mean, couldn't he see that she was dead?
00:08:48I mean, it just makes me want to puke.
00:08:50You know, I kept stabbing her with the crack pipe over and over.
00:08:53Hold on, hold on, calm down, calm down.
00:08:56You know, we have a job to do here.
00:08:58What you're seeing is the effects
00:09:00of a designer so-called street driver.
00:09:04I think it's probably maybe a combination
00:09:07of crack cocaine and something like bath salts,
00:09:11and we know what bath salts does.
00:09:14It not only cleans out your bowels and your intestines,
00:09:18it sucks the brain out of your head.
00:09:21Right, like when we aspirate one of our normal guys.
00:09:24That's it, exactly.
00:09:27Fucks them up, they don't even know it.
00:09:29Speaking of which, you hear about that guy down in Miami?
00:09:32So fucked up on bath salts,
00:09:34he ate his girlfriend's face off.
00:09:36I followed that case seriously,
00:09:39because it was so weird, you know?
00:09:41Both of them were on bath salts.
00:09:43He bit her in the face, must have liked it,
00:09:46because he kept going.
00:09:48He chomped all the flesh right off of her skull,
00:09:52and sitting there on the curb,
00:09:54chewing on it with a grin on his face,
00:09:57like he was eating a fine steak.
00:10:00She died in the ER.
00:10:03I'm telling you, if the cops don't get a handle on this
00:10:04sooner rather than later, we're gonna be up to our eyeballs
00:10:07in these sloppy Joes before long.
00:10:09Well, the lab guys say they can't forecast
00:10:12who's gonna go a little bit crazy,
00:10:16or who's gonna just flat out die.
00:10:19I guess given all that, I'd understood
00:10:20if you give up autopsies, I get it.
00:10:25I actually enjoy making them look really nice
00:10:29for when their loved ones come in
00:10:30and see them in the viewing room.
00:10:33But like I'm gonna tell you anymore,
00:10:34I really dread having to cut into them.
00:10:37Yeah, I get that.
00:10:39Hey, you wanna grab lunch?
00:10:41I was thinking maybe orange chicken.
00:10:44Hey, Chinese sounds good to me, man.
00:10:47You know, in spite of all this,
00:10:49I still got a cast iron stomach.
00:10:53Hey, do you think she looks like that one waitress?
00:10:58Yeah, there's a resemblance,
00:10:59but she ain't as lively.
00:11:30Ugh.
00:11:33You cooked breakfast?
00:11:35Yep.
00:11:36Oh, you know I can't eat when I first get up in the morning.
00:11:40Well, it's not just for you.
00:11:41I made some coffee, too.
00:11:44Well, coffee I can do.
00:11:48You're up awfully early.
00:11:49I figure with it being spring break
00:11:51and all, you'd be sleeping in.
00:11:53You know me, I just get up no matter what.
00:11:56Well, I wish I was like that.
00:11:58I'd sleep until noon every day if I could.
00:12:01Well, growing up on a farm will do that to you.
00:12:04We got up at the crack of dawn every day.
00:12:07You just get used to it after a while.
00:12:10So what are you gonna do today?
00:12:12I don't know.
00:12:13Maybe like grade some papers and do a little cleaning.
00:12:18You have the entire week off.
00:12:20Why don't you do something fun?
00:12:22I have too much to do.
00:12:24Go down and do something for yourself
00:12:26and relax this week.
00:12:27It's spring break.
00:12:28Spring break is for kids, you know?
00:12:30Like, I'm just too busy.
00:12:34It will get done.
00:12:35Do something nice for yourself.
00:12:37Well, I guess it's been a while
00:12:40since I've done any painting.
00:12:42Exactly.
00:12:43You can get started on a new one today.
00:12:46Maybe I will.
00:12:48What do you have going on today?
00:12:50Well, I'm just patrolling the back mountain.
00:12:53Ooh, that sounds like fun.
00:12:55Well, with all those college kids going up there,
00:12:58I'm sure it'll be a little interesting.
00:13:00You better make sure they're not up to no good.
00:13:02Well, they are college kids and it is spring break.
00:13:05It wasn't that long ago that we were those college kids.
00:13:09Yeah, well, as time has flown.
00:13:13Yeah, too fast.
00:13:16I miss those days.
00:13:18Are you really that unhappy?
00:13:20Now, why would you even ask that?
00:13:22Well, that business with Liam and all,
00:13:24I just thought...
00:13:25I'm sorry, okay?
00:13:28I made a mistake
00:13:28and I haven't even seen Liam in a coon's age.
00:13:31I thought we weren't gonna talk about this anymore.
00:13:34Okay, okay.
00:13:35I'm sorry.
00:13:37I'm sorry too.
00:13:39I don't know how many times I have to apologize.
00:13:43Look, just forget about it.
00:13:45Just drop it.
00:13:47I dropped it six months ago.
00:13:49You were supposed to as well.
00:13:51Listen, you'd do the same damn thing
00:13:53if it happened to you.
00:13:54Don't stand there and say you wouldn't.
00:13:58Whatever you say.
00:13:59You can believe whatever you wanna believe.
00:14:13Well, I better get going.
00:14:15I got a lot to do and the sooner I get out,
00:14:17the sooner I'll be back.
00:14:20Be careful out there today.
00:14:22I will.
00:14:23It's not like anything major's gonna happen.
00:14:25It never does.
00:14:27Watch it.
00:14:28You remember what happened the last time he said that.
00:14:32There was that time that guy tried to shoot Wanda Claggett
00:14:36thinking she was Sasquatch, wasn't it?
00:14:40Poor Wanda.
00:14:42She is a big hairy woman.
00:14:44You're awful.
00:14:45You can't stand here and say she doesn't look like Bigfoot.
00:14:50Well, I guess she isn't exactly feminine, is she?
00:14:54No, she's not.
00:14:56Look, I gotta go, but I'll be back.
00:14:59All right.
00:15:01Love you.
00:15:04Love you too.
00:15:18What the hell are you scratching for?
00:15:19You got fleas or something?
00:15:20I'm not fucking fleas.
00:15:21Do I look like a dog to you?
00:15:23I ain't seen a dog as ugly as you.
00:15:25Oh, fucking Lotus.
00:15:27Ah, you wouldn't like it.
00:15:28I'd just lay there and watch boogers on your back.
00:15:30He's so fucking gross.
00:15:32This is the way my mama raised me, I suppose.
00:15:34I bet she's proud of that, the way you turned out.
00:15:37What the hell are you talking about?
00:15:38I'm a pride and joy.
00:15:39I know your mama.
00:15:40She don't care for you that much.
00:15:41She didn't abort you.
00:15:42She had the chance.
00:15:44She tried.
00:15:45Look, I was able to grab that coat hanger
00:15:47out of her hand just in time.
00:15:50That's a damn shame.
00:15:55Where the fuck is he?
00:15:56He said he'd be right back.
00:15:57Maybe he's lost.
00:15:58He ain't the brightest guy in the world.
00:15:59He better not have ran all of my money, though.
00:16:01I'll kill him.
00:16:03He's dumb, but he ain't dumb enough
00:16:04to do something like that.
00:16:06He's pretty damn dumb.
00:16:07Yo, yo, yo, what's up, my niggas?
00:16:09Hey, what took you so long?
00:16:12Took a little while to find my friend, Danny.
00:16:14Danny?
00:16:15I haven't seen that ass all week.
00:16:17I probably saw him blew his damn head up.
00:16:19He probably should.
00:16:20He's a real piece of shit.
00:16:21And don't talk ill about him.
00:16:22He's good people.
00:16:23He's a real fucking pimp,
00:16:25selling dope to all them school kids and shit.
00:16:27You got my shit?
00:16:29I haven't let you down.
00:16:32What the fuck is that shit, Cheetos?
00:16:34It's some new stuff I got from Danny.
00:16:36Got a good price on it, too.
00:16:38Supposed to blow your fucking mind.
00:16:40It fucking better.
00:16:40I'm fiending.
00:16:41Light that shit up.
00:16:47All right, I'm gonna cough up a fucking lung.
00:17:05I'm good.
00:17:07Never felt better.
00:17:08This shit is awesome.
00:17:10You gotta try it.
00:17:10I don't think so.
00:17:11That looks weird to me.
00:17:13You're lost.
00:17:14Do you want something better?
00:17:14No, I'm good.
00:17:15You're lost.
00:17:16Do you want something better, you say?
00:17:17Hell yeah, weird looking or otherwise.
00:17:20I'll try anything once.
00:17:21Well, that's the same shit
00:17:22John Malucia and Amy Winehouse used to say.
00:17:25Things turned out great for them, didn't it?
00:17:27Give me a break.
00:17:28I had a rough fucking day.
00:17:30Or maybe I've had a rough life.
00:17:32Boof, okay.
00:17:46Oh, I'm fucked to the up.
00:17:51Me too.
00:17:54Damn, I can't explain how that makes me feel.
00:17:56That's just fucking amazing.
00:17:58Sure you don't want some more, man?
00:17:59All right, fuck it, hand it over.
00:18:09Second thought, I'll pass.
00:18:15What the fuck is wrong with him?
00:18:17Hey, yo.
00:18:19Hey.
00:18:21Yo.
00:18:22Motherfucker, I ain't giving you mouth to mouth.
00:18:25What the fuck?
00:18:26I got a cold.
00:18:27It's fucking freezing.
00:18:29I'm gonna clean myself, man.
00:18:31Oh, okay.
00:18:33God, it's fucking freezing.
00:18:35Fucking better.
00:18:35Jesus' sake, if you're gonna kill me,
00:18:37to the dogs on the other side of the river.
00:18:38Usually I kill them.
00:18:40They're gonna catch me, shut up.
00:18:42Okay, shit.
00:18:42I don't give a fuck.
00:18:43I don't give a fuck, okay.
00:18:44I'm going to kill you.
00:18:46Not for the life of me.
00:18:47Oh my god.
00:18:48I don't give a fuck.
00:18:49I'm going to kill you.
00:18:50I'm gonna kill you, I'm going to kill you.
00:18:51I'm going to kill you.
00:18:52I'm going to kill you.
00:18:53AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
00:19:23Hi babe can you hand me the keys I really gotta pee thanks
00:19:39You smell that fresh melon air?
00:19:51It's nice, isn't it?
00:19:54Yeah.
00:19:55It.
00:19:56Is.
00:19:57Really, dude?
00:19:58You're nasty.
00:19:59Better out than in.
00:20:00Ew.
00:20:01Hey, at least I didn't do that in the car.
00:20:03I hope you bought him some extra trousers, because I'm pretty sure he shit himself.
00:20:08Nope.
00:20:09I'm straight.
00:20:10No lumps.
00:20:11Classy.
00:20:12So, did we get the beer?
00:20:15I think so.
00:20:17You got the herb, right?
00:20:18Shit, dude.
00:20:19Yeah, I knew I forgot something.
00:20:22No worries, amigo, because Denny the Many is supposed to be here sometime today or tomorrow.
00:20:28He'll hook us up.
00:20:29Isn't Denny the, uh, the Fruity Dope guy?
00:20:33That would be Denny.
00:20:34Well, we can't have Denise and them see each other because he creeps her out.
00:20:39No worries.
00:20:40He's an odd one, for sure, but he's got the best damn weed in the entire Tri-State area.
00:20:48I can't disagree with that.
00:20:49He does have the best weed I've ever smoked.
00:20:51Mm-hmm.
00:20:52Yeah, I'll give him a call a little bit later.
00:20:54I've got him on speed dial.
00:20:56All right, let's get this stuff out of the car, and then we'll give him a ring, okay?
00:20:59Sounds like a plan, Stan.
00:21:03Man, it is so nice to be back up here.
00:21:10I've been stoked for this forever, bro.
00:21:12Dude, it's just nice.
00:21:14It's nice to get out and just get away from it all for a while, you know?
00:21:17Yeah, it's kind of depressing that this is probably going to be the last time that we
00:21:24are here together for a while.
00:21:27Nah, dude, you got to think about it like this.
00:21:29Tonight is going to be the most epic night of our lives, man.
00:21:32We're going to be drinking, we're going to be fucking, and maybe even some anal.
00:21:36Yeah, boy.
00:21:37This weekend is about to be fucking lit.
00:21:39Yeah, dude, it's going to be fucking epic.
00:21:40Yeah, bro.
00:21:41Chest bump.
00:21:42We're chest bumping, bro.
00:21:43Let's fucking chest bump, dude.
00:21:44Oh, fuck.
00:21:59Can you turn that down, please?
00:22:18What?
00:22:19Turn it down.
00:22:20What?
00:22:21Oh, my God.
00:22:22Turn that fucking shit down.
00:22:23I can't even hear myself.
00:22:24Why are you yelling?
00:22:25I'm deaf.
00:22:26Oh, my God.
00:22:27Never mind.
00:22:28Oh, my God.
00:22:29And slow down.
00:22:30Where are you going, Speed Racer?
00:22:31You worry too much.
00:22:32Why are you suspicious?
00:22:33I don't know.
00:22:34The last thing we need is to be pulled over while we're driving around with all of this
00:22:35shit.
00:22:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:37Stop being a little bitch.
00:22:38Oh.
00:22:39Oh.
00:22:40Hey, take it easy, hoe.
00:22:41What you trying to do?
00:22:42Kill us both?
00:22:43Now, what I don't understand is what you're trying to do.
00:22:44What are you doing?
00:22:45What are you doing?
00:22:46What are you doing?
00:22:47What are you doing?
00:22:48What are you doing?
00:22:49What are you doing?
00:22:50What are you doing?
00:22:51What are you doing?
00:22:52What are you doing?
00:22:53What are you doing?
00:22:54Now, what I don't understand is how the hell do you intend to sell all of this at the campground?
00:23:00There's a hell of a lot of pot in here, Cheech.
00:23:03Relax, Queen.
00:23:04I already got it covered.
00:23:05I had one of my high school friends hit me up the other day named Billy.
00:23:10Did you fuck him?
00:23:11No.
00:23:12Well, maybe.
00:23:13Ah.
00:23:14Or?
00:23:15Anyway, so he hit me up about a week ago and said he and his friends were coming up here
00:23:21in the woods looking to get high.
00:23:23So I said, I got you covered.
00:23:25But then I didn't hear from this son of a bitch.
00:23:28So then I decided I'll offer to make a delivery.
00:23:31Because you know I'll do that free charity shit.
00:23:33Oh.
00:23:34So I said I'd hit him up.
00:23:36But the thing was, he said he didn't want the crack.
00:23:39He said no to that crack, which surprised me.
00:23:42Oh.
00:23:43Well, that reminds me.
00:23:44I actually wanted to tell you about something.
00:23:46What?
00:23:47Well, this guy at the county morgue, a great customer of mine, by the way.
00:23:51I bet.
00:23:52He said they recently brought in a couple of like weird looking stiffs.
00:23:57What was weird is they had these bright orange eyes.
00:24:01Bright orange eyes?
00:24:02I don't know.
00:24:03What's that?
00:24:04Another STD?
00:24:05You would know.
00:24:07No, sweetheart.
00:24:09They actually said it's some sort of like brand new drug.
00:24:12But I don't think they actually know yet.
00:24:14Whoa!
00:24:15Watch out, Jenny!
00:24:16What the fuck was that?
00:24:22Oh my god.
00:24:24My god, Jenny, they're pulling us over.
00:24:26What are we going to do?
00:24:27I can't go to jail.
00:24:28I'm too cute.
00:24:29Wait.
00:24:30Wait, I've got a plan.
00:24:32What's the plan?
00:24:33Just keep driving and now you can speed up, alright?
00:24:36The camp turn off is coming right here.
00:24:38Listen, once we make the turn, the cops won't see us for a few seconds, alright?
00:24:42It's really covered by a bunch of trees.
00:24:44I'm going to throw my hand back into the forest there.
00:24:46We'll just come back for it later, okay?
00:24:48Okay, alright, alright.
00:24:49Okay.
00:24:50We might be okay.
00:24:52We're far enough away that they might not be suspicious.
00:24:54Okay.
00:25:00Alright, well this might be the spot.
00:25:02Oh my god, we've got to get down.
00:25:21Oh my god.
00:25:52Sir.
00:25:53I need your license and registration, please.
00:26:00What seems to be the problem, officer?
00:26:07Okay.
00:26:08What was that driving stunt you just pulled back there?
00:26:11Swerving across the road like a maniac?
00:26:14Sir, I can smell your breath and you don't smell like you've been drinking.
00:26:18So I'm not going to order breathalyzer on you.
00:26:20But what the hell was that all about?
00:26:22Well, you see, this little raccoon just scurried across the road and I swerved to avoid flattening it.
00:26:28Yeah.
00:26:29It does happen a lot in these parts.
00:26:32Yes, sir, I'm going to give you a pass on that.
00:26:35I've got to ask you another question.
00:26:37How about the first time you lost control of your car?
00:26:41Was that another raccoon?
00:26:44Well, you see...
00:26:45No.
00:26:46No, sir.
00:26:47I don't know.
00:26:48What I do know is a short space of five minutes, you two endangered human lives with your reckless driving.
00:26:56Now, what was the first incident about?
00:26:59We had a little, um...
00:27:01Well, you see, officers, we're actually on our honeymoon.
00:27:04We just got married.
00:27:06Yeah.
00:27:07Congratulations.
00:27:08What do you mean you just got married?
00:27:10Yeah.
00:27:11Danny here finally popped the question.
00:27:14Oh, that's beautiful.
00:27:15Isn't that pretty?
00:27:16Look at the rings.
00:27:17Oh, is this Kay's jewelry?
00:27:18Absolutely.
00:27:19Only the best.
00:27:20Oh, holy.
00:27:21You two lucky bastards.
00:27:23Oh, you're too kind.
00:27:26Okay, well, yes, we were going a little over the speed limit, but we have good reason.
00:27:32We're actually on our way to our hotel room.
00:27:35Oh, my lord.
00:27:36Yeah.
00:27:37Well, me and Danny here are really looking forward to consummating the wedding.
00:27:40Aren't we, baby?
00:27:41Oh, the things I'm going to do to you.
00:27:43Like what?
00:27:44Oh, you're going to see what we get to have.
00:27:46A night at Frankie's Bunch Diner.
00:27:48Okay, well, that's enough.
00:27:49I don't want to hear anymore.
00:27:51I'm sorry.
00:27:52So we're free to go, officer?
00:27:55Yes.
00:27:56Yes.
00:27:57For God's sake, get the hell out of here already.
00:28:00Thanks, mister.
00:28:02Just try to keep it under 55, all right?
00:28:04Cross my heart and hope to die.
00:28:07Good.
00:28:08Now you have a nice rest of your day.
00:28:11You too.
00:28:12God bless you, officers.
00:28:13Yeah.
00:28:14Well, you enjoy your evening.
00:28:15Oh, we will.
00:28:17Send me some pictures.
00:28:18Oh, absolutely.
00:28:19We will.
00:28:20Oh, and so on.
00:28:21Gee, why can't I get married?
00:28:27That was close.
00:28:45Oh.
00:28:46So what's the plan?
00:28:47Well, I say we wait until we're sure they're gone, and then we're going to go pick up the
00:28:52shit, okay?
00:28:53Okay.
00:28:54Sounds good.
00:28:56So what's the plan?
00:28:57Well, I say we wait until we're sure they're gone, and then we're going to go pick up the
00:29:02shit, okay?
00:29:03Okay.
00:29:04Sounds good.
00:29:05So what's the plan?
00:29:06Well, I say we wait until we're sure they're gone, and then we're going to go pick up the
00:29:07shit, okay?
00:29:08Okay.
00:29:09Sounds good.
00:29:26Oh, yeah, let me think.
00:29:36It's...
00:29:39It's...
00:29:43You don't drink.
00:29:45You don't smoke.
00:29:47I don't know the rest.
00:29:49There you go.
00:29:50A goody two, goody two, good, goody two shoes.
00:29:53I'm not a goody two shoes.
00:29:54Oh, calm down. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I just don't like to drink, okay?
00:30:00Okay.
00:30:02Why not?
00:30:04Because my dad had a problem with it, and I don't want to end up like him.
00:30:07That's right. I remember now.
00:30:10That one night, that he waltzed into White Castle in nothing but his underwear.
00:30:15That's funny shit. I wish I wasn't there to see it.
00:30:19Oh, you wish you did, bro.
00:30:21There was a big mud stain in the back of his whitey tighties, and one of his nuts hanging out the front.
00:30:26Guys, I think we should drop this. I really don't think that Finn wants to hear about any of this.
00:30:30Oh, man, he was sharting in his seat.
00:30:34Well, he was eating sliders all night.
00:30:37Yeah, there's no way. Where did he even put his money?
00:30:40Oh, in the old prison wallet. He pulled it right out.
00:30:44Candidate stench and all the cashier. Just a big sticky wad.
00:30:49Oh, that's disgusting.
00:30:51Seriously, guys, can we please just stop talking about this?
00:30:54Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.
00:30:56I remember a story my uncle told me one time.
00:30:59He told me that he was one of the guys that arrested him that night.
00:31:02And he threw up all over the cop car.
00:31:05It was fucking nasty. Everyone at the precinct was smearing him.
00:31:09Dude, there's no wonder you don't want to drink, Finn.
00:31:11Shut up.
00:31:13I'm going for a walk.
00:31:16You guys are assholes.
00:31:19What did we do?
00:31:21You know about her past and how sensitive she is about her dad.
00:31:24Why would you even bring it up?
00:31:26Because I thought it was funny.
00:31:28It's not for her.
00:31:30It's okay. It's okay.
00:31:32All she has to do is loosen up, maybe have a few drinks.
00:31:35Not too many, obviously.
00:31:37And then maybe, maybe she'll get the stick out of her ass.
00:31:40Exactly, bro.
00:31:42She's just going to end up drunk at White Castle in her underwear, just like her old man.
00:31:48You're awful.
00:31:50Fuck you.
00:31:52Where are we going?
00:31:54To get a drink.
00:31:56Can I get you one, please? Please and thank you?
00:31:58After the shit you pulled, you can get one yourself.
00:32:01I don't know about you, bro, but...
00:32:04I wouldn't mind seeing Finn in her underwear.
00:32:07Excuse me?
00:32:09You've got to admit, Finn, have you seen the dumper on that girl?
00:32:13I'd eat her shitter like an apple fritter and then fuck her brains out.
00:32:17Same.
00:32:19Yeah? Well, why don't we go do that?
00:32:22Do what?
00:32:24Fuck your brains out.
00:32:26Oh.
00:32:28Aiden, old chap, it's been a sweat.
00:32:30Good night, good evening, good luck.
00:32:32See you tomorrow.
00:32:34My dear, to the job stick tamer.
00:32:39Dave! Dave!
00:32:45Fuck.
00:32:47All right, the coast is clear.
00:32:49Yeah, let's go, Thelma.
00:33:03Ew!
00:33:05Oh, God, get away!
00:33:07What's wrong with you?
00:33:09Well, I'm trying to get away from all these damn creatures.
00:33:12I hate bugs and all these snakes and all these other nasty motherfuckers.
00:33:17Nature sucks.
00:33:19Calm your clit. It ain't that bad.
00:33:21Well, excuse me, Malibu's most wanted.
00:33:24Well, I don't see bugs trying to orally violate you.
00:33:29Don't touch me, hobo.
00:33:32But you love my touches.
00:33:34Hey, Denny.
00:33:36Oh, here it is.
00:33:38Hurry and grab it so we can get out of here before these things eat me alive.
00:33:42Uh-oh.
00:33:44What do you mean, uh-oh?
00:33:46What is it?
00:33:48It isn't in here.
00:33:50Very funny, Denny.
00:33:52It's an empty bag, bag.
00:33:54Oh, feelings.
00:33:56Well, help me find it.
00:33:58It's got to be around here somewhere.
00:34:00Where could it have gone?
00:34:02Oh, no shit, Einstein.
00:34:04But it's got to be around here somewhere.
00:34:06What the hell is that?
00:34:08It's probably a fucking bear or something.
00:34:11It ain't no bear.
00:34:13I think I know what it is.
00:34:15Be careful.
00:34:19No!
00:34:24Well, I think I know where all the shit went.
00:34:27Well, what are we going to do now?
00:34:30Hang on. I'll get it.
00:34:33God's sake.
00:34:35Come here, little shit. We've got something that we need.
00:34:37I don't think it wants to give it that, babe.
00:34:45Oh, God!
00:34:47Stop it! You're going to like it when you...
00:34:49Get it off my neck!
00:34:51What do you want me to do with it?
00:34:53It's got my thumbs, Frankie!
00:34:56Oh, man!
00:34:58Pull him! Pull him!
00:35:00Frankie! Frankie!
00:35:06Danny!
00:35:08No!
00:35:19Danny!
00:35:21No!
00:35:23My feet, Danny!
00:35:25You wouldn't want me to save myself!
00:35:30Get away from me, you...
00:35:32You gremlin!
00:35:54It's so beautiful up here.
00:35:59So peaceful and quiet.
00:36:05What the hell?
00:36:12Take that, you cocksucking squirrels!
00:36:14You ain't ever going to be stealing my nuts ever again!
00:36:17You won't even hit them!
00:36:19Don't mess with me!
00:36:21You won't even hit them, dumbass!
00:36:23There they go.
00:36:25Running away.
00:36:27What? That was just a warning shot.
00:36:29I want to get them good and scared before I blow them away.
00:36:31Warning shot my ass.
00:36:33You couldn't hit the blue side of a red barn if you were standing right in front of it.
00:36:37Hell, son, you ain't done much better.
00:36:39How many did you get today?
00:36:41None.
00:36:43But I'm after something bigger than them little squirrels.
00:36:45What you after?
00:36:47What do you think, dumbass?
00:36:49Dumbass? You's a dumbass, Jethro.
00:36:51Ain't no bears up here in these parts.
00:36:53Then how come I seen them out here before?
00:36:55You's probably drunk.
00:36:57You ain't seen no goddamn bears up here.
00:36:59Then what the hell was it? Bigfoot?
00:37:01I don't know. Maybe it was your mama.
00:37:03She kind of a big old fat hairy broad.
00:37:05Maybe she was hungry, wandering around the woods stealing some picnic baskets or something.
00:37:09Screw you, Lenny.
00:37:11At least my mom ain't a big old whore who sells her dirty snacks for cigarettes like yours does.
00:37:15Hey, you kissed my ass, you son of a bitch.
00:37:17You can't talk about my mom.
00:37:19Hey, guys, please help me.
00:37:21What the shit?
00:37:23It just killed Denny.
00:37:25And now it's coming to get me next.
00:37:27What the hell you talking about, Nancy boy?
00:37:29What's coming after you?
00:37:31A naked lady?
00:37:33I bet you're scared to death of them.
00:37:35Aren't you, boy?
00:37:37It's a fucking raccoon.
00:37:39Listen, it just ripped Denny to pieces.
00:37:41Please, you've got to help me.
00:37:43It's right out there.
00:37:45A raccoon?
00:37:47What the hell are you going on about?
00:37:49Listen to me, you fucking troglodytes.
00:37:51I am telling you it's a killer raccoon.
00:37:53Okay?
00:37:55It's all fucked up on drugs and shit.
00:37:57I think you's the one who's fucked up on drugs.
00:37:59You see, boy?
00:38:01Watch out.
00:38:03That killer raccoon is going to get you.
00:38:09It's here.
00:38:11Are you guys going to do something?
00:38:13Get off my gun, boy.
00:38:15Forget you big fuckers.
00:38:21What in the name of Dolly Parton's big old sweet titties was that?
00:38:25I don't know.
00:38:27That gaze is weird.
00:38:29What's that?
00:38:31Maybe it's one of those killer raccoons that Barry was going on about.
00:38:35Watch out, man.
00:38:37That killer raccoon might get your ass.
00:38:43Oh, you bastard.
00:38:49Shoot it.
00:38:51God damn it.
00:38:53Shoot the fucking dog.
00:38:55Be glad, you fuzzy asshole.
00:39:05Well, shit.
00:39:13I told you there were no goddamn bears here.
00:39:43Well, hi, Marla.
00:39:45What's the good news?
00:39:47Patty Ann was called.
00:39:49Oh, Lord.
00:39:51Why did she see this time?
00:39:53A UFO or another leprechaun?
00:39:55No.
00:39:57Jethro and Lenny went hunting.
00:39:59And they're not back yet.
00:40:01They said they'd be back by 12.
00:40:03It's only 1230.
00:40:05Well, she's worried.
00:40:07She's always worried about something.
00:40:09Well, this time she's really crazy worried.
00:40:11So you want to go check on her?
00:40:13Not really.
00:40:15Well, if you don't, she's going to keep calling.
00:40:17And then I'm going to have to deal with her.
00:40:19And I don't want to deal with her.
00:40:21All right. I'll go have a look.
00:40:23It's not like I don't have a million other things to do today.
00:40:25Good. I'll call her back and let her know.
00:40:27Jethro's probably hiding from her.
00:40:29I know I would be if I was married to her.
00:40:31And she's not here to squirrel turd.
00:40:33Yes, she is.
00:40:35And that's why he drinks like a fish.
00:40:37I'll be back in a bit.
00:40:39Hello?
00:40:41Holy.
00:40:45I'm coming, Patty.
00:40:47I'm coming.
00:40:53Scurry off, you devil.
00:40:55Foul taker of souls.
00:40:57I just like heavy metal music, man.
00:40:59Everybody likes heavy metal music.
00:41:01Jesus likes heavy metal music.
00:41:03Jesus likes Ozzy Osbourne.
00:41:05Jesus likes Ronnie James Dio.
00:41:07You're a holy diver.
00:41:09He rolled around in Satan's feces.
00:41:11I don't know.
00:41:13I don't think that's right, man.
00:41:15He did, brother.
00:41:17He was besmirched.
00:41:19I can't go with you on that, man.
00:41:21That's just nutty.
00:41:23Behold, brothers and sisters.
00:41:25Our most righteous lord.
00:41:27That piledriver of Satan's spawn.
00:41:31We shall cast you out.
00:41:33We shall cast you out.
00:41:35Lord, I implore you
00:41:37to cast out
00:41:39the rock and roller
00:41:41from his sola.
00:41:43Nah, man, that's not gonna happen.
00:41:45Ronnie James Dio forever, man.
00:41:47That's not a reality, man.
00:41:53Lord!
00:41:57Is that a hit?
00:42:03Jesus!
00:42:09Jesus is being spermed!
00:42:11Jesus Christ!
00:42:13Jesus just got spermed!
00:42:15Jesus Christ!
00:42:17When on that clock, your brother shall protect you.
00:42:42Or maybe just guide you to paradise.
00:42:54Your brother Fred, it's Armageddon.
00:43:06A furry monkey devil is killing all our flock.
00:43:09What are we going to do?
00:43:12Brother Riley, there's a miracle here still alive.
00:43:16Why don't you take some of that miracle.
00:43:19Okay brother.
00:43:20Spread it to your brothers and sisters.
00:43:22Let's go.
00:43:35Oh my god.
00:43:37The horror.
00:43:41My little sister.
00:43:42Oh please save my baby.
00:43:44Please heal my baby.
00:43:47It's the devil monkey.
00:43:59He was such a good boy.
00:44:03Oh well.
00:44:18Hello?
00:44:20Somebody there?
00:44:26Carlos is that you?
00:44:30You're not going to scare me so you can knock it off.
00:44:35What's wrong with you?
00:44:36Watch where you're going.
00:44:37Sorry.
00:44:38I'm so, so sorry.
00:44:40Oh my god.
00:44:41Come on.
00:44:42We have got to go.
00:44:43That thing is coming.
00:44:44What are you talking about?
00:44:45What's coming?
00:44:46God damn it.
00:44:47Again?
00:44:48The raccoon.
00:44:50The raccoon?
00:44:51This is some sort of joke, right?
00:44:53No.
00:44:54No.
00:44:55It's all cracked out on drugs and it's out of its mind.
00:44:59I swear to god.
00:45:00Oh my god.
00:45:01It killed Denny.
00:45:02This is some sort of YouTube video, right?
00:45:04I mean, you need to work on your material.
00:45:07A killer raccoon?
00:45:08Be serious.
00:45:09Listen to me, you stupid bitch.
00:45:12I don't give a shit if you believe me or not, okay?
00:45:15I am getting the fuck out of here before that thing comes back and gets me again.
00:45:19Now are you coming or not?
00:45:20Alright, this is a little much.
00:45:22You don't have to be all nasty about it.
00:45:23Oh shit, oh shit.
00:45:24I told you.
00:45:25Come on.
00:45:26We've got to go.
00:45:28Fuck.
00:45:29You know what, you little twat?
00:45:31You can just stay here and get that pussy shredded the fuck up.
00:45:34But not mine, honey.
00:45:39Little weirdo.
00:45:57I've seen an evil gnome lurking in the aisles of Boat Hardware.
00:46:21You saw what?
00:46:22An evil gnome coming to get me.
00:46:24No, ma'am.
00:46:25No, you didn't.
00:46:26He's not a gnome.
00:46:27His name is Nicholas and he's not coming to get you.
00:46:30He's a dwarf.
00:46:31Jonathan needs to get down here right away.
00:46:33No.
00:46:34No.
00:46:35No.
00:46:36Fine.
00:46:37I will tell him when he gets back.
00:46:38Yes.
00:46:39Yes.
00:46:40I'll make that report, sure.
00:46:41I'm in grave danger.
00:46:49Bigfoot planted a seed in my sweet Susie.
00:46:53How many times do I have to tell you, Mr. Roberts?
00:46:55Bigfoot is not real.
00:46:56And he did not impregnate your daughter.
00:46:58That was Joey from the diner.
00:47:00The cook?
00:47:01Yeah.
00:47:08Oh, yeah.
00:47:09This is it.
00:47:11What do you think?
00:47:12Whatever.
00:47:14Yeah.
00:47:15This is a nice place to set up camp.
00:47:17If you say so.
00:47:18I really don't care one way or the other, Alan.
00:47:21What the hell is your problem?
00:47:22I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:47:24Bullshit.
00:47:25You've been acting like this ever since we got here.
00:47:27I don't know, Alan.
00:47:28Maybe it's because I wanted to go to Florida or somewhere nice for a vacation,
00:47:31and instead you dragged us out to the middle of nowhere.
00:47:33Look, we talked about this.
00:47:35We couldn't afford to...
00:47:36I know. I know.
00:47:37We couldn't afford a nice Florida vacation or anywhere nice,
00:47:40so you brought us here instead.
00:47:42You know business has been slow lately.
00:47:44Hmm.
00:47:45Well, maybe if you got a real job, we'd have a little more money.
00:47:48How many times do I have to tell you?
00:47:50A hot dog vendor is a real job.
00:47:53When you're ten,
00:47:54maybe I should just leave you for the paperboy.
00:47:56He probably makes more money.
00:47:57At least I have a job.
00:47:58What do you do all day?
00:47:59Sit around on your ass watching TV?
00:48:01Too bad we don't get paid for that,
00:48:02because we'd be fucking billionaires if we did.
00:48:04You're an asshole.
00:48:06Look, I don't want to fight, okay?
00:48:08We're on vacation.
00:48:09Let's just try to have a good time.
00:48:12This is hardly a vacation.
00:48:14I mean, it's not that bad.
00:48:16We could go hiking or fishing or...
00:48:18I hate hiking and fishing.
00:48:20Well, what about bird watching?
00:48:22I think I saw a tected titmouse over there earlier.
00:48:25Oh, that's great,
00:48:26because that's the only tit you're going to see this weekend.
00:48:30How about lunch, huh?
00:48:31Would that make you happy?
00:48:34Sure.
00:48:35What are you going to make?
00:48:36I was thinking we could have some hot dogs.
00:48:37They're nice over an open campfire.
00:48:39Yeah, might as well do something with those hot dogs,
00:48:41because you sure as hell can't sell them.
00:48:43Screw it.
00:48:46Where are you going?
00:48:47To get firewood.
00:48:48I'll be back.
00:48:50Take your time, Alan.
00:48:54Maybe you'll fall into a sinkhole or something.
00:49:00Fucking bitch.
00:49:02I think we're getting eaten by a bear or something this weekend.
00:49:08What's that?
00:49:20Hey, little guy.
00:49:21What are you?
00:49:23Bunny?
00:49:24Come here.
00:49:26I don't bite.
00:49:49Oh.
00:50:02Oh, hello.
00:50:04Oh, baby, what's up?
00:50:07Oh, nice feet, kitty.
00:50:14Oh, you smelly kitty.
00:50:15You need a bath.
00:50:20No!
00:50:21No!
00:50:22No!
00:50:23No!
00:50:25No!
00:50:26No!
00:50:27No!
00:50:28No!
00:50:29No!
00:50:30No!
00:50:31No!
00:50:32No!
00:50:33No!
00:50:34No!
00:50:35No!
00:50:36No!
00:50:50No!
00:50:52No!
00:50:57Hey, Marla.
00:50:58It's Jonathan.
00:51:00I need you to give the sheriff a call.
00:51:02We got two dead bodies up here on the mountain.
00:51:06I don't know.
00:51:07Could be a bizarre hunting accident.
00:51:09When you get done,
00:51:11I need you to give old Patty Amons a call back.
00:51:14Let her know her boy Jethro won't be coming home for dinner.
00:51:19Oh, I probably should call Charlotte.
00:51:26Hey honey, something came up.
00:51:29I'm going to be late tonight.
00:51:31I need you to go ahead and put my dinner in the fridge.
00:51:33I'll heat it up when I get home.
00:51:35Love you.
00:51:49Hey honey, something came up.
00:52:07I'm going to be late tonight.
00:52:09I need you to go ahead and put my dinner in the fridge.
00:52:11I'll heat it up when I get home.
00:52:13Love you.
00:52:20Hey babe, it's me.
00:52:26Listen, the asshole is going to be late getting home tonight,
00:52:30so why don't you come over in about an hour?
00:52:35Once you get here, you can come as many times as you want.
00:52:39I'm super horny and I cannot wait to see you.
00:52:43See you soon.
00:52:49Bye.
00:53:04Oh my God.
00:53:05Oh, yes!
00:53:07Oh, thank you God, thank you.
00:53:10I just want to say I am so sorry for all the shit I've done over the years.
00:53:17Half of the shit anyways.
00:53:20Oh, fuck it.
00:53:22I might even consider going to church on Sunday,
00:53:25just to show you my thanks.
00:53:29Don't expect it to be a regular thing.
00:53:32You know, us walking into a church.
00:53:37Fire hazard.
00:53:40Wait a minute.
00:53:42Come to think of it, I actually got myself out of this.
00:53:46You didn't do shit.
00:53:48I was out there all day running a marathon from that trash can panda.
00:53:53Where were you?
00:53:55Up there on cloud nine and eating your holy popcorn,
00:53:58watching the fucking show?
00:54:01Lord and Savior, my ass.
00:54:05Oh, shit.
00:54:13Hey, friend.
00:54:16God, are you still there?
00:54:20No, no!
00:54:42No!
00:55:00No, no, no, no.
00:55:02Not another one.
00:55:05Hey, Marla.
00:55:06I hate to do this to you, but I need you to call the sheriff back.
00:55:10Dead body.
00:55:12Now, this one looks like it could be a wild animal attack.
00:55:15No, no, this one's further down the mountain.
00:55:18I don't know.
00:55:19Maybe a bear?
00:55:20Or a mountain lion?
00:55:21I'm not sure.
00:55:23Let me look around, and I'll call you right back.
00:55:41Oh, good heavens.
00:55:51A coon?
00:55:53It can't be.
00:55:59Yeah, Marla, it's me.
00:56:01We've got a fourth dead body out here.
00:56:04Yeah.
00:56:05I think we're dealing with a rabid coon.
00:56:09What?
00:56:10No, an actual raccoon.
00:56:13Marla, do I need to send you to sensitivity training again?
00:56:26A nasty raccoon is violently humping Ellie Mae.
00:56:29Send help quick.
00:56:31Hold on, girl.
00:56:32Help's a coming.
00:56:37Right there.
00:56:38Oh, yeah?
00:56:39Oh, right there.
00:56:40Yeah?
00:56:41Yeah.
00:56:42Oh, my God.
00:56:43Oh, my God.
00:56:44I'm so close.
00:56:45I'm going to come.
00:56:46Oh, I know, babe.
00:56:47Right there.
00:56:48Yeah.
00:56:49Oh, yeah.
00:56:50Oh, my God.
00:56:51I'm so close.
00:56:52Oh, my God.
00:56:53Oh, my God.
00:56:54Yes.
00:56:55I got you there.
00:56:56Yeah.
00:56:57Yeah.
00:56:58Three, two, one, time to pee.
00:57:02What?
00:57:03What are you doing?
00:57:05I was so close.
00:57:08Seriously?
00:57:13Yeah.
00:57:14Sorry.
00:57:15I got a race like this.
00:57:16When I want to lose, he's got to spit.
00:57:18You couldn't hold it?
00:57:19No.
00:57:23Listen.
00:57:24Give me one minute.
00:57:25I'll be back when we'll finish it up.
00:57:28Okay.
00:57:29Well, hurry up.
00:57:30And will you open the window?
00:57:31It's hot in the third circle, I hope.
00:57:32Yeah.
00:57:33Your majesty.
00:57:38Yes.
00:57:47Thank God he's pretty.
00:58:08Hey.
00:58:09That was fast.
00:58:10Oh, Carlos.
00:58:11I thought you didn't do that.
00:58:20Oh, my God.
00:58:21Yes, Carlos.
00:58:22Oh, fuck.
00:58:23Don't cry.
00:58:24I almost didn't make it there.
00:58:25What are you doing, playing with yourself?
00:58:28What are you talking about?
00:58:33I didn't make it there.
00:58:35What are you doing? Playing with yourself?
00:58:51That boy's slamming it in there.
00:58:53Do you hear her screaming?
00:58:56Why don't you make me scream like that?
00:59:03I don't know.
00:59:19Come on, motherfucker! Come on, let me in!
00:59:33You're kidding, right?
00:59:47You don't remember that night at that hotel before Pop Pop's funeral?
00:59:51I made you scream that night, didn't I?
00:59:53Yeah, you did, but that's because you were drunk and you put it in my asshole, you idiot!
00:59:58Don't you remember me walking funny for like three days
01:00:01and I had to sit on a bag of frozen peas?
01:00:03I do remember that.
01:00:06No! No! No!
01:00:21You first. I first. He ate all papers.
01:00:35You know, why don't you make me scream like that?
01:00:40Maybe I'll shove something up your ass next time.
01:00:43What? What? I didn't hear you.
01:00:45Nothing. Do you need another beer?
01:00:47I do, actually.
01:00:49Okay.
01:00:50Thank you. Love you.
01:00:52Love you, too.
01:00:55I know I should have fucked her at Bartu's party.
01:01:01Hey.
01:01:02Whatever they're doing in there sounds crazy and really painful.
01:01:06I think it sounds kick-ass.
01:01:08Well, of course you do.
01:01:10Guess I'm the prude in this relationship.
01:01:12Kinda, but it's okay. You're getting there.
01:01:14One day we're gonna be doing everything they're doing and you're gonna love it!
01:01:20Okay, on that note, I'm gonna go get wet in the shower.
01:01:23Okay, I'll join you.
01:01:24Uh, no thanks, stud. I'm gonna take this one alone.
01:01:27Yeah, that's probably for the best.
01:01:29I feel shit brewing right now and I think it's turtleneck in a little bit.
01:01:33Yeah, nice.
01:01:35Go handle that in the other restroom, please.
01:01:37Why? Why would I do that?
01:01:39Do I really have to explain this to you?
01:01:41Jesus!
01:01:43You really think I want to smell your shitty shits while I'm trying to take a nice, relaxing shower?
01:01:49I would love for you to smell my shitty shits, but...
01:01:51Okay, fine.
01:01:53I don't understand why you would not want to smell everything that has been rotting inside me throughout the day.
01:01:59Because it doesn't smell like roses, sweetheart.
01:02:02It might this time.
01:02:04I'll talk to you later.
01:02:07But I still love you, even though you don't want to smell my shit.
01:02:12Nobody wants to smell your shit.
01:02:14I swear, she's on her period.
01:02:16I heard that. You're not wrong.
01:02:19Yep, I know.
01:02:24Don't move.
01:02:26A rabid raccoon on crack is killing people on the mountain.
01:02:28A raccoon? On crack?
01:02:30Yeah, that's rich. You expect me to believe that one?
01:02:33I suppose next you're going to tell me it was Mothman.
01:02:35No, I says I says to you the Mothman attack was last week.
01:02:39Okay, yeah. I'll take that report.
01:02:43All day with these people. All day.
01:02:45I do not get paid enough for this.
01:02:54Oh, twins.
01:02:58Oh, triplets.
01:03:03Oh, shit.
01:03:05I guess it doesn't smell that good.
01:03:17Nobody loves me. I'm Italian, so they tell me to go fusilli myself.
01:03:21Dude, I love ethnic people, too. Same.
01:03:23But listen to this. They're too busy stroking off their beef anyway.
01:03:29Yeah, I cannot wait to show Carlos this. I'm about to send this to him right now.
01:03:32You know, I gotta admit, that special sauce is delicious.
01:03:36That was bold.
01:03:37But I can never get those sticky stains off my shirt.
01:03:41Dude, he's definitely going to get cancer from that.
01:03:44I also watch him. I watch the reruns.
01:03:48Oh, fuck. Speaking of runs.
01:03:50Hey, thanks a lot. You're a great crowd.
01:04:08Denise?
01:04:09It's the toilet paper.
01:04:11Sorry.
01:04:14You don't want to smell my shit.
01:04:16I sprayed something.
01:04:19Denise?
01:04:21Fuck.
01:04:24Carlos!
01:04:25Doctor!
01:04:27Where's the toilet paper?
01:04:30Anybody?
01:04:33Dammit.
01:04:48Fuck.
01:05:01Fuck!
01:05:04Fuck!
01:05:19Fuck!
01:05:21Fuck!
01:05:24Fuck.
01:05:47Aiden!
01:05:49Can you bring me a towel?
01:05:54Aiden! I need a towel! I got soap in my eye!
01:06:01Aiden!
01:06:02What are you doing?
01:06:04I need a goddamn towel!
01:06:15Aiden?
01:06:17Are you in here?
01:06:23Aiden?
01:06:45What the hell?
01:06:53Aiden!
01:06:58No!
01:07:05No!
01:07:23No!
01:07:46Oh, shit.
01:07:49Hey.
01:07:51Hey, you okay?
01:07:53Hello?
01:07:55My God, he's dead.
01:07:58That poked in me!
01:08:00What the fuck?
01:08:01I'm not the Pillsbury Doughboy.
01:08:03Oh, my God. What the fuck?
01:08:05What is wrong with you?
01:08:08Holy shit, you're alive.
01:08:10Yeah. What does it look like, Stevie Wonder?
01:08:13I am sitting here talking to you, aren't I?
01:08:16What the hell happened to you?
01:08:18Did you fall into a woodchipper or something?
01:08:21Yes. I fell into a fucking woodchipper.
01:08:24How did you guess?
01:08:26Dumbass.
01:08:28Well, then what actually happened to you?
01:08:31What does it look like?
01:08:33That cracked-out raccoon got a hold of me.
01:08:36We have been through this.
01:08:38This drugged-out raccoon shit again?
01:08:40I'm fucking serious, okay?
01:08:42Look, that thing nearly ripped me to pieces.
01:08:45Just like it did Denny.
01:08:47Right. So where is this killer raccoon?
01:08:50I don't know.
01:08:52I'm sure it's still running around here somewhere,
01:08:54drinking someone's blood.
01:08:56Look, we have got to call someone for help
01:08:58before it comes looking for us.
01:09:00Okay. Who do you want to call?
01:09:03Well, the cops, animal control, ghostbusters.
01:09:08You ask a lot of questions.
01:09:10Just give me your phone. I left mine in the car.
01:09:12I don't have one.
01:09:14What do you mean you don't have a phone?
01:09:16Where is it inside?
01:09:18No, I mean I don't have a cell phone.
01:09:20Never had one, and I never will.
01:09:22Ew. Why the hell not?
01:09:24Because I don't want one.
01:09:26Girl, what the fuck is wrong with you?
01:09:28Nothing. I just never wanted one.
01:09:30Okay. And what if you have, like,
01:09:32an emergency or something? Then what?
01:09:34I've never had one.
01:09:36Ugh. Okay.
01:09:38Little house on the prairie.
01:09:40You're about to have one now.
01:09:42Is there at least a landline in that shack?
01:09:45I think so.
01:09:47All right. Well, let's go use it and call for help
01:09:49before we're both raccoon chow.
01:09:51And trust me, he is going to find you first.
01:09:54He can smell your pheromones.
01:09:56Ew.
01:09:58Oh!
01:10:00Hey, hey, hey. I'll help you.
01:10:02You always catch me on my ass.
01:10:05Thanks. I'm Frankie, by the way.
01:10:08I'm Finn.
01:10:10I'm Finn.
01:10:12Finn?
01:10:14Isn't that a guy's name?
01:10:16Funny.
01:10:18I thought Frankie was a guy's name, too.
01:10:20Girl, don't be so...
01:10:22Oh.
01:10:24Okay. I got you.
01:10:26You know what, Huckleberry?
01:10:28Touché.
01:10:30Oh.
01:10:40Thanks.
01:10:58Everything okay, folks?
01:11:00Define okay.
01:11:02Damn. What happened to you, fella?
01:11:04It looks like you've been through an industrial shredder.
01:11:07Well, I feel like it, too.
01:11:09Really? What happened?
01:11:11Goddamn it. Again?
01:11:13I should really write a book about this.
01:11:15Yeah.
01:11:17I was attacked by a raccoon.
01:11:19Oh, I was afraid of that.
01:11:21Look, we need to get him to a hospital.
01:11:23There are four dead bodies in the woods nearby.
01:11:25It looked like they were victims of a wild animal attack.
01:11:28In fact, I was coming here to warn you to keep an eye out for it.
01:11:31Aw. Well, thanks, Dick Tracy.
01:11:34But you're a little late.
01:11:36Excuse me?
01:11:38That fucking raccoon.
01:11:40He killed my boyfriend.
01:11:42And then he used me as his personal chew toy.
01:11:45I hate being sloppy seconds.
01:11:47He killed your boyfriend?
01:11:49Yeah.
01:11:51Do you have a problem with that, Officer Dewey?
01:11:53Of course not.
01:11:55It's just we have a hyper-aggressive coon on our hands.
01:11:58It might be rabid.
01:12:00We better clear the area.
01:12:02Is there anyone else in the house?
01:12:04My friends.
01:12:07It's not safe.
01:12:12Isn't this the damnedest thing?
01:12:14Yeah.
01:12:16Well, it isn't exactly a normal raccoon.
01:12:18What do you mean?
01:12:20Well, it got into some pretty powerful crack.
01:12:23Crack?
01:12:25Yeah.
01:12:27You know.
01:12:29Ice.
01:12:31Chingy.
01:12:33Base.
01:12:35Officer, how do you know it got into crack?
01:12:40Oh.
01:12:42Well, I mean, I...
01:12:44They're dead. They're all dead.
01:12:46Ma'am, what happened?
01:12:48It got them. It got all of them.
01:12:50What got who?
01:12:52The raccoon got them.
01:12:54Is it still in there?
01:12:56I don't know.
01:12:58Okay, I am calling it.
01:13:00Let's just let that be one of life's mysteries.
01:13:03I really need a doctor here.
01:13:05It's getting infected.
01:13:07Okay, I'll drive you to the hospital.
01:13:09We just need to make one stop so I can check on my wife.
01:13:11Fine.
01:13:13Just gotta hurry before that thing comes back.
01:13:15Ow.
01:13:33Ow.
01:14:03Ow.
01:14:27Come on out, babe.
01:14:30Your doctor of love has arrived.
01:14:35And I'm ready to take your temperature.
01:14:39Rectally.
01:14:43Ah! Ah! Ah!
01:14:47Ah! Ah! Ah!
01:14:55Ma'am?
01:14:59Is that you?
01:15:29Ma'am?
01:15:43Ma'am?
01:15:45Did you bring those chili dogs?
01:15:50I smell something.
01:15:59I smell something.
01:16:29Mmm. Smells just like roses.
01:16:45Mmm.
01:16:47You're looking hot there, babe.
01:16:49Liam's gonna lose his shit.
01:16:53Mmm.
01:16:59Girl, you are a knockout.
01:17:03You missed your calling.
01:17:05You should have been a model.
01:17:09Mmm.
01:17:23Liam?
01:17:27Babe, is that you?
01:17:31Liam?
01:17:35I got a brand new sexy little number just for you.
01:17:39Oh!
01:17:41Ah!
01:17:43Ah!
01:17:45Ah!
01:17:47Ah!
01:17:49Ah!
01:17:51Ah!
01:17:53Ah!
01:17:55Ah, you little piece of shit!
01:17:57Ah!
01:17:59Ah!
01:18:01Ah!
01:18:03Ah!
01:18:05Ah!
01:18:07Ah!
01:18:09You're my shit!
01:18:13They were perfect and you ruined them!
01:18:17Ah!
01:18:21Ah!
01:18:23Ah!
01:18:29All right, folks, we're here. I'll just be a minute, and...
01:18:33Really, Charlotte, again?
01:18:35You've got to be kidding me.
01:18:37What? What's wrong now?
01:18:39Well, nothing for you to worry about.
01:18:41I'll be right back.
01:18:47Okay, you just take your time.
01:18:49Stay here and bleed to death.
01:18:51No hurries.
01:18:55I wonder what that was all about.
01:19:01Charlotte.
01:19:05Well, I am no expert,
01:19:07but if I had to guess,
01:19:09I would say somebody's dipping their chocolate
01:19:11into her peanut butter, honey.
01:19:13What do you mean?
01:19:15Oh, I get it.
01:19:17Oh, that makes me really want a Reese's.
01:19:21You think they have one on the way?
01:19:23Frankie, focus. We need to get you to a hospital.
01:19:25Fine.
01:19:29Oh, God! Charlotte!
01:19:31No!
01:19:33No, I should have been here!
01:19:37What do you think's going on in there?
01:19:39I don't know, but it probably ain't pretty.
01:19:41I'm going to check on that.
01:19:43Hold on, Huckleberry.
01:19:45Take it from me,
01:19:47you do not want to get involved with shit like that.
01:19:49Leave it alone, girl.
01:19:51I just want to make sure everything's okay.
01:19:53Here, this should help you.
01:19:55What?
01:19:59How come nobody ever listens to Frankie,
01:20:01bitches?
01:20:03Hey!
01:20:13Hey!
01:20:15That was a gunshot!
01:20:17Get your ass back in here, Huckleberry!
01:20:19Help!
01:20:21Help!
01:20:23Help!
01:20:25Help!
01:20:27Help!
01:20:29Help!
01:20:31Help!
01:20:33Help!
01:20:35Help!
01:20:37Help!
01:20:39Help!
01:20:43That bastard killed my wife,
01:20:45and now it's going to pay!
01:20:47Are you okay?
01:20:49Come on, I think so.
01:20:51Thank God he is one
01:20:53lousy shot.
01:20:55That could have been a lot worse, honey.
01:20:57What the hell is wrong with you, man?
01:20:59You almost blew her brains out!
01:21:01I didn't, did I?
01:21:03I am going to kill that damn thing!
01:21:05There's more guns in the house.
01:21:07And? So?
01:21:09So, why don't you make yourself useful and go grab one
01:21:11so you can help me out.
01:21:13Huh?
01:21:15Make myself useful?
01:21:17What a dick!
01:21:19Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:21:21Where are you going, Huckleberry?
01:21:23We have to help him!
01:21:25No, we don't.
01:21:27Let's just let him deal with it on his own.
01:21:29We need to get out of here.
01:21:31That thing killed all my friends.
01:21:33It's payback time.
01:21:35Okay. Listen, Sarah Connor,
01:21:37just at least go grab one of his guns first.
01:21:39No.
01:21:41Excuse me?
01:21:43I don't like guns.
01:21:45Of course you don't.
01:21:47I should have known.
01:21:49You were one of those anti-gun people.
01:21:51Well, I've got good reason to be anti-gun.
01:21:53Well, why?
01:21:55Because
01:21:59my dad was an abusive alcoholic
01:22:01and
01:22:03one night he was attacking my mom,
01:22:05so
01:22:07I took his gun and shot him.
01:22:09Jesus, Huckleberry.
01:22:11I'm so sorry.
01:22:13I had to. He was going to kill her.
01:22:15It's okay. Come here.
01:22:17I totally understand.
01:22:19My dad was an asshole, too.
01:22:25There he goes.
01:22:27Come on. Let's go help him
01:22:29before he blows his dick off or something.
01:22:33Come out, come out,
01:22:35wherever you are,
01:22:37you little shit!
01:22:41Ha-ha!
01:22:43Just in case.
01:22:45Wait, Huckleberry,
01:22:47this one's defective.
01:22:49That's a guard, Frankie.
01:22:51I knew that.
01:22:57Come on, Johnny!
01:22:59We're coming!
01:23:03Get off me, you little fucker!
01:23:11Ah!
01:23:13Ah!
01:23:29Well, if I didn't have rabies,
01:23:31I definitely do now.
01:23:41Holy shit, Huckleberry.
01:23:43Nice shot.
01:23:45You okay?
01:23:47Well, I'll live
01:23:49thanks to you, of course.
01:23:51Where the hell did you learn to shoot like that?
01:23:53Guess I'm just a natural.
01:23:55And thank God for that.
01:23:59Can you do me a favor?
01:24:01What's that, Frankie?
01:24:03Can you please take us to the hospital?
01:24:05Look at us, Carrie.
01:24:07Come on.
01:24:09Let's go.
01:24:13Red on blue is not a good look.
01:24:17One hell of a shot.
01:24:37Oh, shit.
01:24:39Oh, shit.
01:24:41Oh, shit.
01:24:43Oh, shit.
01:24:45Oh, shit.
01:24:47Oh, shit.
01:24:49Oh, shit.
01:24:51Oh, shit.
01:24:53Oh, shit.
01:24:55Oh, shit.
01:24:57Oh, shit.
01:24:59Oh, shit.
01:25:01Oh, shit.
01:25:03Oh, shit.
01:25:05Oh, shit.
01:25:07Oh, shit.
01:25:09Oh, shit.
01:25:11Oh, shit.
01:25:13Oh, shit.
01:25:15Oh, shit.
01:25:17Oh, shit.
01:25:19Oh, shit.
01:25:21Oh, shit.
01:25:23Oh, shit.
01:25:25Oh, shit.
01:25:27Oh, shit.
01:25:29Oh, shit.
01:25:31Oh, shit.
01:25:33Oh, shit.
01:25:35Oh, shit.
01:25:37Oh, shit.
01:25:39Oh, shit.
01:25:41Oh, shit.
01:25:43Oh, shit.
01:25:45Oh, shit.
01:25:47Oh, shit.
01:25:49Oh, shit.
01:25:51Oh, shit.
01:25:53Oh, shit.
01:25:55Oh, shit.
01:25:57Oh, shit.
01:25:59Oh, shit.
01:26:01Oh, shit.
01:26:03Oh, shit.
01:26:05Oh, shit.
01:26:07Oh, shit.
01:26:09Oh, shit.
01:26:11Oh, shit.
01:26:13Oh, shit.
01:26:15Oh, shit.
01:26:17Oh, shit.
01:26:19Oh, shit.
01:26:21Oh, shit.
01:26:23Oh, shit.
01:26:25Oh, shit.
01:26:27Oh, shit.
01:26:29Oh, shit.
01:26:31Oh, shit.
01:26:33Oh, shit.
01:26:35Oh, shit.
01:26:37Oh, shit.
01:26:39Oh, shit.
01:26:41Oh, shit.
01:26:43Oh, shit.
01:26:45Oh, shit.
01:26:47Oh, shit.
01:26:49Oh, shit.
01:26:51Oh, shit.
01:26:53Oh, shit.
01:26:55Oh, shit.
01:26:57Oh, shit.
01:26:59Oh, shit.
01:27:01Oh, shit.
01:27:03Oh, shit.
01:27:05Oh, shit.
01:27:07Oh, shit.
01:27:09Oh, shit.
01:27:11Oh, shit.
01:27:13Oh, shit.
01:27:15Oh, shit.
01:27:17Oh, shit.
01:27:19Oh, shit.
01:27:21Oh, shit.
01:27:23Oh, shit.
01:27:25Oh, shit.
01:27:55Oh, shit.
01:27:57Oh, shit.
01:27:59Oh, shit.
01:28:01Oh, shit.
01:28:03Oh, shit.
01:28:05Oh, shit.
01:28:07Oh, shit.
01:28:09Oh, shit.
01:28:11Oh, shit.
01:28:13Oh, shit.
01:28:15Oh, shit.
01:28:17Oh, shit.
01:28:19Oh, shit.
01:28:21Oh, shit.
01:28:23Oh, shit.
01:28:25Oh, shit.
01:28:27Oh, shit.
01:28:29Oh, shit.
01:28:31Oh, shit.
01:28:33Oh, shit.
01:28:35Oh, shit.
01:28:37Oh, shit.
01:28:39Oh, shit.
01:28:41Oh, shit.
01:28:43Oh, shit.
01:28:45Oh, shit.
01:28:47Oh, shit.
01:28:49Oh, shit.