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FunTranscript
00:00I like running through white people neighborhoods with my shirt off.
00:02Haha, I'm gonna steal all your stuff.
00:04Hahaha.
00:05Mmmmm.
00:06Open up the door, yo teacher.
00:07Call it, I saw your grades.
00:08Mmmmm.
00:09Just believe, I'ma whoop that ass like a slave like.
00:12There can only be one king of vines.
00:14It's me, bitch.
00:15It's fat.
00:16Oh.
00:17Fuck this vine.
00:18Jerome.
00:19Happy.
00:20How to stop people from smoking.
00:21Smoking's bad for you.
00:24Motherfucker.
00:25Parkour.
00:26Man, that shit easy.
00:29Yes.
00:30So I got a question.
00:31What?
00:32How the hell it take you 45 minutes to get ready and I look better than you?
00:35Haha.
00:36What?
00:37You didn't say nothing there.
00:38Obeying your sister.
00:39Go find your dad.
00:40Aw hell nah, bitch.
00:41You see this white house?
00:49Gabby, this resort is great.
00:51Free food, free booze.
00:52Oh my god.
00:53There's no wifi.
00:54We're leaving.
00:55Pack your fucking bags.
00:56We're leaving.
00:57Get out of my way, lady.
00:58Get your white ass up.
00:59Get your white ass up.
01:00Darius?
01:01Surprise, motherfucker.
01:02Oh, damn.
01:03Chip didn't invite Jerome to the tea party.
01:04Would you guys like some more tea?
01:05Nigga, fuck your tea.
01:06As he came in through the window, what's the sound of?
01:07Shut the fuck up.
01:08Ah.
01:09Man, I was killing that shit.
01:10Killing my eardrum.
01:11Man, Jerome can't find Chip.
01:12Aw hell nah.
01:13Your tea ain't shit.
01:14Oh my god.
01:15He's gonna say his first words.
01:16Everybody, shh.
01:17Man.
01:18Man.
01:19Man.
01:20Miley, what's good?
01:21My god.
01:22Yo, shut the fuck up.
01:24Why are you always on your phone?
01:30Why are you always on my nerves?
01:36True.
01:37My bad.
01:39What are you doing?
01:43Now we'll lead us in prayer everyone.
01:48Hey, Jesus.
01:50Thanks for the food. I think you're a really cool dude.
01:53Alright man, see ya. Take it easy.
01:54Alright, bruh.
01:55Alright.
01:57Ooh, kill him! Peace, bruh.
02:00Hey, baby, okay?
02:03Ch-chocolate? You want chocolate? Okay.
02:05Hello, ladies. Old Spice Man here. Look at your man. Now back to me.
02:10Ooh, keep your eyes on your man. He fine.
02:12Making your woman happy is pretty easy.
02:13All you gotta do is rub her butt sometimes, call her pretty.
02:15Most guys have trouble with the last one, but you'll get it.
02:17Don't fuck other women.
02:18Jerome back from college.
02:20You brought a friend?!
02:22I'm tired of your shit!
02:24Did you bring your dad's gun?
02:25Gun? No, nobody told me to bring a gun.
02:27I thought we were playing video games.
02:28We're gonna go rob the 7-Eleven.
02:29Oh, no, I'm gonna see you guys later.
02:36We have got to change some stuff around this house, Tiffany.
02:38Yeah, like who I'm married to.
02:39Okay, that's why your ring's fake, bitch.
02:41I like my orgasms.
02:42Chill.
02:43How are the other things in the box?
02:45Man, shut the damn door for the bug, come here.
02:48This school bus is dirty.
02:49Fuck, man, I can walk.
02:50Hey, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but fuck, like, fuck you still.
02:53Still fuck you, but my keys are in there, so you just slide them under the door.
02:56Jerome gon' scare bitch nigga in the bookstore.
02:58Hey, yo, what you reading?
02:59It's nothing, it's nothing.
03:00Get him!
03:01Put Jerome happy.
03:02Grandma, can you pass mashed potatoes?
03:04Can you pass English and math?
03:05Can you pass a cholesterol test?
03:07No, exactly, I don't even want your trash potato.
03:08Oh, I'm sorry, here.
03:13What do I do?
03:15You know why I stopped you today?
03:17I don't know, because you saw how good I was looking?
03:20Have a good day, man.
03:21Fuck yeah.
03:22How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
03:24Man, silly robbing them chips for kids, though.
03:26You're looking like a Shaq tree.
03:27God bless America.
03:29There you go, honey.
03:30Thanks, dear.
03:32Get in, bitch.
03:34All right, listen.
03:38Yo, guys, come on, man.
03:41That's a nice vase.
03:43What's in here?
03:44My grandma.
03:45How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
03:47Thank God the motherfucking sun ain't out.
03:49Donald Duck hair there.
03:50Green grad looking like Shrek.
03:52So, what's it like being a lightning bug?
03:54I mean, I don't know.
03:56It's lit.
03:57Shit, I can see that.
03:58How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
03:59LeBron hairline hair there.
04:01Fuck that, I'm driving 50, though.
04:02Thank you, Jesus.
04:04Hey, she did have a fat ass, right?
04:05I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, she did, but you guys saw the way her eye shadow was matching her whole outfit?
04:10She was killing that shit.
04:11How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
04:12Oh, Dumbledore tree there.
04:13How's Santa big ass gonna fit in there?
04:15Fuck that, I'm going.
04:16Some of you dudes wear your backpacks for no reason.
04:18What's up, girl?
04:19Hey, yo, what's up, girl?
04:20What's up, girl?
04:21Hey, yo, what's up, girl?
04:23Oh, hey, son.
04:24Fuck you, dad.
04:25Oh.
04:26Have a good night.
04:28Damn kids.
04:29Nope, that lighter's not mine, man.
04:30Okay, do you know anything about this crack in your pocket?
04:33What?
04:35Where'd you find that at?
04:36Hey, you better be careful, bro.
04:37Man, I'm good.
04:39Haha, bro, shut up.
04:40You ugly as fuck.
04:41Fuck you, bitch.
04:42That's why your girl cheated on you.
04:43Bro, I was...
04:44Holy shit, bro.
04:45Good afternoon, class.
04:46What?
04:47It's spring break.
04:48Then why are you here?
04:49I'm homeless, nigga.
04:50Check out Bill from accounting.
04:51Yo, nice sweater vest, Bill.
04:52Hey, shut up.
04:53What's your credit score look like, though?
04:54What?
04:55He said, what's your credit score?
04:56How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
04:57It's ABC.
04:58I learned that shit in kindergarten.
04:59Man, what the fuck, daddy?
05:00I'm going left.
05:01How do you yell at things in Ebonics?
05:02It's ABC.
05:03I learned that shit in kindergarten.
05:04Man, what the fuck, daddy?
05:06I'm going left.
05:07Uh, girl, I just want to say you crossed my mind when I saw this car right here, girl,
05:08because I remember you scared of bugs, and I was the nigga you called to kill.
05:09I see skies of blue and clouds of...
05:10Everybody say, taco, keep it going.
05:11What?
05:12Got with your girl, put my guac up in her.
05:13Taco.
05:14Told her I was hungry, so she fed me her...
05:15Taco.
05:16Yo, designer, you trying to get some breakfast?
05:17Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to...
05:18I'm trying to get the...
05:19I don't care how you do it.
05:20I just want you to do it.
05:21Taco.
05:22Taco.
05:23Taco.
05:24Taco.
05:25Taco.
05:26Taco.
05:27Taco.
05:28Taco.
05:29Taco.
05:30Taco.
05:31Taco.
05:32Taco.
05:33Taco.
05:34I don't care how you do it.
05:35I just want her gone.
05:36Damn, I gotta kill her?
05:37No.
05:38What?
05:39For the surprise party.
05:40Oh, I was like, whoa, but I was down...
05:41Stop for a nigga with your driving ass.
05:44I run these streets.
05:46Hiv?
05:47Hiv plus?
05:48Oh, I'm sorry, David?
05:49I came to class, and there's no one here, so, like, I'm going to make, I'm going to
05:56make this fun.
05:57I'm going to pretend to be the teacher.
05:58Sit the fuck down.
05:59You know I don't like asparagus, Cheryl.
06:01What is this?
06:02It's asparagus.
06:03I don't know what it was.
06:04Oh, fight the shit out you, Cheryl.
06:05You know you suck at Vine, Wayne.
06:06Time to teleport.
06:07I'm outside now.
06:08Yeah, I'm going to miss you.
06:11You better miss me.
06:12It's going to be really...
06:13With that gay shit?
06:14Boy-y?
06:15Miss me with that gay shit?
06:16Fuck out of here.
06:17Dad, can you stop?
06:18Hey, pass the beer.
06:19Come here.
06:20Pass you?
06:21Yes, sir.
06:22Miss Anna, beer!
06:23Come here!
06:24Change your shirt.
06:25Bro, first of all, I look good in this shirt.
06:26And second of all, I look good in this shirt.
06:27And third of all, I look good in this shirt.
06:28So tell me I don't look good in this...
06:30Dad, for the last time, there's no food in this fridge.
06:32You knew I was coming to Bristol, though.
06:34You expect me to eat batteries, nigga?
06:36All right, guys.
06:38Where's the weed?
06:39Oh, we don't have any.
06:40In the glove compartment.
06:41I fucking panicked, bro.
06:43You know you suck at Vine, Wayne.
06:45Teleport.
06:46Fucking awesome.
06:47Okay, we have to go investigate that loud, creepy noise.
06:52You want to go first?
06:53Nah.
06:54What type of Scooby-Doo-ass situation are you trying to put me in?
06:55You better have hella Scooby snacks in your pocket.
06:56Someone asked me what my favorite condiments were.
06:57I said hot sauce.
06:58And barbecue sauce.
06:59Yeah.
07:00Do you have a second to talk about our Lord and Savior?
07:01No, man.
07:02Titties.
07:03What was that?
07:04Do you have a second for titties and not Jesus?
07:05For titties, yeah.
07:06You know, Jerome needs juice.
07:07And I'm a hood, nigga.
07:08I only drink grape.
07:09If you don't drink grape, you're gonna get raped.
07:10Check out his dunk.
07:11Man, he can't dunk.
07:12What happened?
07:13What you mean, what happened?
07:14All right, we'll try.
07:15Oh, shit.
07:16Oh, shit.
07:17Oh, shit.
07:18Oh, shit.
07:19Oh, shit.
07:20Oh, shit.
07:21Oh, shit.
07:22Oh, shit.
07:23Oh, shit.
07:24Oh, shit.
07:25Oh, shit.
07:26Oh, shit.
07:28Okay, tell me where you wanna eat because I don't—
07:30Listen, get your tongue out my face.
07:31I told you about this before we met.
07:32Everybody looking right now.
07:33Get your tongue out my—
07:34Listen.
07:35It's gonna be a serious storm.
07:39Be safe.
07:41You're pretty cute.
07:42Wow, really?
07:43Well, thanks.
07:44What's your name?
07:45I have a boyfriend.
07:46Dude, what the hell?
07:47You coming up to—
07:48You better go call him cute.
07:49This man thinks I can read the signs spinning and shit like that?
07:51What the fuck?
07:52Take notes from this dude.
07:54Okay, yeah.
07:55Bye, Daddy.
07:56What'd your dad say?
07:57Oh, that wasn't my dad.
07:58Well then, shit, this is an awkward situation.
08:00Can we just, can we go, bro?
08:03This is embarrassing.
08:04Glass, if you could pick one thing to do before you die, what would it be?
08:08Steven?
08:09Probably murder someone.
08:10Okay, Steven gets an A today for participation.
08:13How to yell at things in Ebonics.
08:14Yo, grass dead, cuh.
08:15This house is uglier than a motherfucker.
08:16That's a pole.
08:17Okay, quick survey around the room, raise your hand if you like ice cream, sucking dick.
08:25I just got this new boomerang dog.
08:26Here we go, here we go.
08:27What the?
08:28Shit ain't come back.
08:29If you're seeing other women, I just want to know the truth.
08:33Rebecca, every day is something new.
08:34My name is Debra.
08:35That's what I'm saying, Jeffrey.
08:36You don't listen to me.
08:37What the fuck?
08:38Mama!
08:39Got some food, some Gatorades.
08:40It'll make you tired.
08:41I cannot see.
08:42I'm legally blind.
08:43That's my story.
08:44I'm sticking to it.
08:45Who the fuck threw that ball?
08:46Okay, what do we want?
08:47I don't know.
08:48Don't say anything yet.
08:49Y'all got pizza?
08:50Money.
08:51I can't believe it, guys.
08:52I'm graduating today.
08:53Finally.
08:54My gosh.
08:55Damn, Danielle.
08:56Back at it again with the white dress.
08:57Saucy.
08:58I like it.
08:59Real niggas got Pokemon cards.
09:00Bless your ass with a Charmander.
09:01But I got Squirtle.
09:02Squirtle.
09:03Squirtle.
09:04Squirtle.
09:05Squirtle.
09:06Squirtle.
09:07Squirtle.
09:08Squirtle.
09:09Squirtle.
09:10Squirtle.
09:11Squirtle.
09:12Squirtle.
09:13Squirtle.
09:14Squirtle.
09:15I got Squirtle.
09:16But I got Squirtle.
09:17Shit!
09:18Through the back, what do you think?
09:19Yo.
09:20Huh?
09:21How you a thug putting on lipstick right now?
09:22First of all, it's Chapstick, and my lips get dry when I do illegal things.
09:24And now on PBS, your favorite cartoon, Curious George.
09:29Hey, dad, can I borrow?
09:31Who left this like this?
09:33Why'd you put the thing on top of there?
09:35Your pronouns are all over the place.
09:40One or two?
09:41It beats me.
09:42Three or four?
09:43I need to phone a friend.
09:44No, what do you mean? Oh?
09:46better stop
09:55Dear Santa God Timmy here. I've been good as fuck this year, so I swear to God
10:00We're gonna throw hands if you give me another set of socks
10:08Happy holidays, sir. It's actually Merry Christmas, but you could have been Jewish holidays about Jesus you Isis looking bitch
10:14Oh damn
10:16Inside bitch Christmas
10:20Okay, you need to bring the first aid kit, would you like me to bring the second aid as well?
10:23No, what no, it's first aid. There's no second
10:32So you have AIDS who told you that
10:36But you're not gonna say no you're gonna ask me who told me
10:39If you drop another motherfucking leaf on my lawn, I'm gonna fuck you up tree. I'm a palm tree, bro
10:45Hey, I was just wondering if I could maybe come into your house. That's a no so there's a Charizard in there
10:51You don't understand okay?
10:57Ever since I left the city yeah, do you have this in a size 10?
11:00I have a nine and a half and a ten and a half so fucking no to the question. I just
11:06It's in the game, bitch
11:09I'm making some eggs. Do you want any how are you making them scrambled eggs? I want mine fertilized, okay?
11:14Well, I'm not making him like that so I will lead us in prayer everyone
11:17Hey, Jesus. Thanks for the food. I think you're a really cool, dude and mushrooms
11:28Yes, that'll
11:33Okay, dude weird question if you could have sex with one of the powerpuff girl awesome, which would you whoa?
11:38That was a quick answer. That's kind of where's my fucking favorite?
11:41My name's Eric. I'm auditioning for Donny
11:52Grandpa are you good?
11:59Listen everyone just stay calm
12:04Remain calm
12:06Natural-born killers these are the predators what I ain't doing shit
12:16Stop no
12:25Hey little kids I lost my puppy around here you want to help me find him kind of puppy
12:28Is it a cute little poodle? I got candy too. It's a gay dog for you to have Gabby
12:32I got a new swim move. I want to teach you
12:35I'm stroke. Hello. Hey Mike. Can you come get me from the gas station? Yeah, I got you
12:48Why your hand up Polly ain't give me no time
12:50Thank you drone. That's a nice mom. Make sure you don't rob nobody I Jerome understand
12:57Hey, baby, hi nigger
13:00What how are you?
13:02What you mean, oh, man, I was your weekend, dude. It was awesome. I took shrooms. I took Molly
13:06What about you take a pill any beat? No, I'm just kidding. I took a nap
13:15Shit honey, I think you took the wrong turn. You think I took the wrong turn? Never mind. You're goddamn, right?
13:20Never mind. Never mind this marriage
13:25Are you gonna hear my voice
13:28Take off your shoes got it. I said shoes not pants
13:32I mean fuck keep them off now. Oh, how do you other things any bonnets? I don't know Eric
13:36I bet she got $3.00. Oh god. Damn. Look at all that traffic. Oh, don't you say it?
13:40So people understand you for us good job M for mommy would really like a divorce
13:45J for just sign the papers Robert
13:49Could have taken the stairs, but I did it
13:51How
13:59Not to wake up a black person bro, get up the fuck how to wake up a black person bro, get up
14:04I got chicken where niggas remember guys 420 basil is blazing oregano. Fuck. Yeah, either of those are correct
14:10I babbling about say it right you want to play a game called finish the lyrics
14:14Whole mix down. Oh had a farm
14:21Oh
14:24Hey, mom, what's up neighbor? Have a great day
14:31And what do you want to be when you're older Cindy I want to be a stripper like my mom Oh Cindy
14:35No, she makes over 200 grand a year
14:37for real