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00:00This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:05APPLAUSE
00:31Good afternoon. Good afternoon and welcome to the Countdown studio.
00:34We can all make mistakes. Of course we can.
00:36I read an amusing story recently involving buying the wrong ticket.
00:40Now, Rachel, apparently what happened was a chap from Derbyshire,
00:44actually, wanted to buy tickets for the Red Hot Chilli Peppers
00:48for himself and his girlfriend, so he went online and discovered
00:51that they were playing in Belfast.
00:54So he bought them, got himself over to Belfast,
00:57booked into his hotel, turned up and was somewhat surprised
01:02and disappointed to find out, actually,
01:06that he was visiting the Red Hot Chilli Pipers.
01:11Absolutely nothing to do with the Peppers.
01:14They were a world's best bagpipe band.
01:17I can imagine he went out and had a few drinks. What do you think?
01:21How about you? Have you made a serious mistake ever?
01:25Well, when we were younger, my mum used to take us to craft fairs all the time
01:28and it was kind of a 50-50 whether it was actually on that week
01:31because most of the time we got to the theatre or wherever it is
01:34and it wasn't on. It would be the next Sunday.
01:36We'd be very disappointed because she bought us fudge when we got to go to those.
01:40And now my brother's a father and he's got a little boy.
01:43His little boy Finlay is just two now.
01:46And a few months ago, Mum bought them tickets to Teletubbies
01:49and she sent them on their way and they parked on the seafront,
01:52had a lovely walk along, got to the Cliffs Pavilion to see the Teletubbies
01:55and she'd sent them on the wrong week again.
01:57So it's the same place that we used to go to on the wrong week when we were kids
02:00and she's now doing it with her grandson.
02:03Well done. I bet she'll be really happy that you've told that story.
02:08Now, who's with us? Rach, we've got Jan Pask back from Sleaford.
02:13Four wins. Yeah, well played.
02:16Yes, apparently.
02:18I'm joined by Joy Main, a young accountant from Bristol, a runner, who's a half marathon.
02:24How are you getting on with these half marathons?
02:27Yeah, not too bad, just in the training at the moment.
02:29I've done two before this one, so I'm just hoping to beat my record time.
02:34And you're studying for your accountancy final degrees.
02:38You're a student at Bristol.
02:40Yes, I study maths at university.
02:42And now you're working at the University of Bristol.
02:44Well, good luck with that and your next half marathon.
02:48And today, too. Good luck to you both.
02:50Big round of applause for Joy and Jan.
02:57Yes, indeed. And over in the corner...
03:00Oh, look, Susie's back.
03:02And Pam Ayers, poet, writer, broadcaster, comedian.
03:06Welcome back, Pam. Thank you.
03:11Now, then, Jan, let's have a letters game, shall we?
03:14Afternoon, Rachel. Afternoon, Jan.
03:16Can I start with a consonant, please?
03:18Thank you. Start the week with G.
03:20And another consonant, please.
03:23M
03:25And another consonant.
03:27T
03:29A vowel, please.
03:31E
03:32Another vowel.
03:34O
03:36Another vowel.
03:38I
03:40Another consonant, please.
03:43R
03:48Another consonant.
03:50L
03:52And another vowel, please.
03:54And the last one. O
03:56And here's the countdown clock.
04:06CLOCK TICKS
04:29Yes, Jan? A six.
04:31A six. Joy? An eight.
04:35Jan? I've got looter.
04:37Joy. Gloomier.
04:39Gloomier's excellent. Well done, Joy. Really good.
04:41Well done.
04:45Well done, Joy.
04:47And over in the corner, Pam and Susie?
04:49Gloomier was our triumph, but we have been...
04:52Met.
04:54..beaten to the finish.
04:56And we've got moiler and we've got toiler and groom,
05:00which is a miserable five.
05:02Eight points to Joy. Early lead there.
05:05And it's Joy we turn to now.
05:07Letters game, Joy.
05:09Hi, Rachel. Hi, Joy.
05:11Can I start with a consonant, please?
05:13Thank you. Start with R.
05:15And another...
05:17S
05:19And another...
05:21F
05:23And a vowel. E
05:25And another... A
05:27And a consonant.
05:29T
05:31And another vowel, please.
05:33I
05:35And a consonant.
05:37X
05:39And a final consonant, please.
05:42And a final R.
05:44Well done.
06:02CLOCK TICKS
06:16Well, Joy?
06:18A six. A six, Jan.
06:20I've got a seven. Joy?
06:22Faster. And?
06:24I've got fix eights. Fix eights.
06:26Very nice. Yes, a good one. Excellent.
06:29Eight points to eight. Joy still one point in the lead.
06:32What news from the corner there?
06:34We've got tarries, which is seven.
06:36And we've also got rafters, as in raise the.
06:41Raise the rafters, indeed.
06:43Now then, Jan.
06:45First numbers game of the day.
06:47Rachel, I'll have two large and four small, please.
06:50The usual again, thank you, Jan.
06:52Two large, four little, and the first one of the week is...
06:55..four, one, six, 75, and 50,
07:00and the target, 941.
07:03941.
07:26CLOCK TICKS
07:34Well, Jan?
07:36946.
07:38946. Joy, main.
07:40950.
07:42And 950. Jan?
07:44I've done one plus one is two, times the six.
07:47One plus one is two, times the six is 12.
07:50Times the 75 is 900. Yep.
07:53Plus the 50, take off the four.
07:55946, by the way.
07:58Can we catch it?
08:00Rachel, 941?
08:02Yes, we can. If you say...
08:0450 times 75 is 3,750.
08:09Add six for 3,756.
08:13Divide that by four for 939, and add the two ones.
08:18Yes!
08:21APPLAUSE
08:24Well done. Well done, Rachel.
08:26Now, Jan on 14, Joy on 8,
08:29as we turn to our first Tea Time teaser,
08:31which is Yes, Fill It, and the clue...
08:34Yes, fillet steak, champagne and top holidays,
08:37she had a luxurious one of these.
08:40Yes, fillet steak, champagne and top holidays,
08:43she had a luxurious one of these.
08:46APPLAUSE
09:00Welcome back. I left with the clue.
09:02Yes, fillet steak, champagne and top holidays,
09:05she had a luxurious one of these.
09:09She had a luxurious lifestyle.
09:12Lifestyle.
09:13So, 14 to 8. Jan on 14.
09:16Joy, your letters again.
09:19Can I start with a consonant, please?
09:21Thank you, Joy. L.
09:23And another?
09:25T.
09:27And another?
09:29G.
09:30And a vowel, please?
09:32A.
09:33And another?
09:35U.
09:36And another, please?
09:38I.
09:39And a consonant?
09:41S.
09:43And another?
09:45D.
09:47And a final vowel, please?
09:49And a final...
09:50U.
09:51Countdown.
10:13CLOCK TICKS
10:24Joy?
10:25Just a five.
10:26A five. Jan?
10:27I've got a six.
10:28So, Joy?
10:29Stags.
10:30Jan?
10:31Guilds.
10:32Guilds, yeah, very good.
10:35Yeah, sorry, Joy, you need to go for that.
10:37But guilds is very good.
10:39What else do we have, Pam?
10:40Pistols at Dawn, Nick, with dualist.
10:43Yes, although not that kind of dualist, no.
10:46It's the one with an A this time,
10:48and it's all to do with the philosophical doctrine
10:52that looks at mind and matter, good and evil,
10:56so two opposing forces, essentially.
10:5920 pays.
11:00Jan on 20, and it's Jan's letters again.
11:02I'll start with a consonant, please.
11:04Thank you, Jan. P.
11:06And another?
11:09N.
11:10And another, please.
11:12W.
11:14A vowel?
11:15E.
11:17Another vowel?
11:18I.
11:20Another vowel?
11:22E.
11:24A consonant?
11:26N.
11:28Another consonant?
11:30Q.
11:33And another consonant, please.
11:35And lastly, B.
11:37Dawn.
11:38Dawn.
12:08Yes, Jan?
12:09Got a six.
12:10A six. Joy?
12:11No, sorry, I've lost it.
12:13Let's stick with Jan, then. Yes, Mel?
12:15Penine.
12:16Mm.
12:18No.
12:20Not there, unfortunately.
12:23Double N for Penine Hills, et cetera,
12:25but that's a capital P anyway.
12:27And the corner, Susie and Pam?
12:30We've only got the pasta penne, I'm afraid,
12:33which is just five.
12:35Penne.
12:36Joy, your numbers game now.
12:38Can I get one large and five small, please?
12:41You can do, thank you, Joy.
12:43One large, five little coming up,
12:45and these five small ones are four, five, ten, nine and one,
12:51and the big one, 75.
12:53And the target, 925.
12:56925.
13:05BELL RINGS
13:29Joy?
13:30915.
13:32Jan?
13:33It's so near. I lost it, sorry.
13:35Let's stick with Joy. Yes, Joy?
13:37I did the nine plus four minus one is 12.
13:41Yep.
13:42Times by the 75.
13:43900.
13:44And add the ten and the five.
13:45Yep, ten away. Well done.
13:47Mm.
13:48And where's that missing ten now, I wonder? 925?
13:51Well, if you say nine plus four is 13 and stop there,
13:55and times that by 75 for 975,
13:58and then five times ten is 50 to take away for 925.
14:02Yes, very good.
14:07Very good. So, Joy up to 13, just seven behind Jan on 20.
14:11Let's return to Pam Ayres.
14:14Now, what have you for us today?
14:16Well, I've got a thing about travel today,
14:19a linked series of poems about a long-haul flight.
14:23This is called Flight Time.
14:25At the airport running late, I've never been in such a state,
14:30which is our departure gate.
14:32It's teeming, streaming, I am close to screaming.
14:36Everywhere a sense of panic, Asian, African, Hispanic,
14:41scan the board with eyeballs manic, blowing, glowing.
14:46I wish I wasn't going.
14:48Passport on the check-in shelf.
14:51Did you pack this all yourself?
14:53No, it was Santa and his elf.
14:57Never be clever, no humour whatsoever.
15:01She gestures off, I see the view,
15:04another endless shuffling queue.
15:09Security's a glimpse of hell.
15:12Here's my liquid, here's my gel,
15:14here's my shoes, they're hot, they smell.
15:18Profess them, confess them, let the man assess them.
15:23Through the scanner you must trot.
15:25Will you ring the bell or not?
15:27Yes, stand aside or else be shot.
15:30They'll search you, besmirch you, on a screen research you.
15:35Can I touch you?
15:37If you must, provided you're devoid of lust.
15:42Come pat me down, come stroke my bust.
15:46Inspect me, protect me, don't let the bombs affect me.
15:51Your blue-gloved hands and steely eyes
15:54keep me safe when in the skies.
15:58At last, the aircraft toilet's free.
16:02Now everyone can wait for me.
16:05The floor's awash, I think it's wee.
16:10It's widdle, piddle, someone missed the middle.
16:16In the mirror some old hag,
16:18don't bother with the make-up bag or think of lighting up a fag.
16:22It's shabby, I'm crabby, you couldn't swing a tabby.
16:28Dare I flush, fight down my fear,
16:31that roar to paralyse your ears
16:34and suck you to the stratosphere,
16:37reeling, squealing, clinging to the ceiling.
16:41I hate these squalid aircraft loos
16:44and wish that I had worn my shoes.
16:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
16:54Good sport, good sport.
16:5620 plays, 13, Jan on 20, and it's Jan's letters again.
17:00Can we start with a consonant, please?
17:02Thank you, Jan. V
17:04And another consonant?
17:06P
17:07And another?
17:09N
17:11And a vowel, please?
17:13O
17:14Another vowel?
17:16A
17:18Another vowel?
17:20E
17:22A consonant?
17:25D
17:27Another consonant?
17:29S
17:31And one more consonant, please?
17:33And the last one, J.
17:35Stand by.
17:46CLOCK TICKS
18:07Well, Jan?
18:08Just a five.
18:09Joy?
18:10Yeah, also a five.
18:12And?
18:13I've got nosed.
18:14Nosed?
18:15Joy?
18:16Paves.
18:17Pam and Susie?
18:18Um, we've got a six.
18:20Well, I've come up with peons.
18:22I'm not absolutely sure what it means,
18:24but I think that's a spelling joy, isn't it?
18:26All to do with poetry.
18:28A metrical feat, one long syllable and three short syllables.
18:31And we've also got...
18:33You'd better tell us what that is.
18:35Dapsone is an ointment that's used to cure
18:38or at least to treat leprosy.
18:40Very good. Thank you.
18:42Now, 25 plays, 18.
18:44Thank you. Joy? Letters again?
18:47Can I start with a consonant, please?
18:49Thank you, Joy.
18:50P.
18:51And another.
18:53R.
18:54And another.
18:56H.
18:57And a fourth.
18:59N.
19:00And a vowel.
19:02A.
19:03And another.
19:04O.
19:05And another.
19:07A.
19:09And a consonant.
19:11M.
19:13And a vowel, please.
19:15And the last one.
19:16E.
19:18And the clock starts now.
19:44CLOCK TICKS
19:50Joy?
19:51A six.
19:52A six, Jan?
19:53I've got a six not written down.
19:55What would that be?
19:56Hamper.
19:57Hamper. Joy?
19:58Moaner.
19:59Yes, both fine.
20:00What else have we got? In the corner?
20:02We've got something that sounds very energetic, like a tug of war.
20:05We've got manrope.
20:07But I don't know what it means, I'm going to ask Susie.
20:10It's a nautical noun.
20:12It's a rope on the side of a ship's gangway or ladder,
20:14so you use it to walk or climb on board a ship.
20:1831 plays 24.
20:20Now, Jan, your numbers game.
20:23I'll have my usual, please.
20:25Two large and four small.
20:26Two from the top level, four from the others.
20:28Thank you, Jan.
20:29And these four small ones are four, four, two and five,
20:34and the large ones, 50 and 75.
20:38And this target, 592.
20:40MUSIC
21:11Well, Jan?
21:13I've got five, sorry, 593.
21:17Just one away. Joy?
21:19Er, I've got 591.
21:22And 591.
21:24Let's start with Jan.
21:26If I've got this right, four plus four is times the 75.
21:30Eight times 75, 600.
21:32Plus, sorry, the five and the two added together.
21:36Yeah, lovely, one away.
21:38And Joy?
21:40Quite similar, I did four by two.
21:42Four by two.
21:43To give eight times by 75.
21:45600.
21:46And then minus the five and the other four.
21:48One the other way.
21:49And sitting quietly in the middle is 592.
21:53It is.
21:54If you say 75 times four is 300,
21:59take away the other four for 296 and then times that by two.
22:03Look the difference.
22:04Perfect. Thank you, Rachel.
22:07592.
22:11Straight on it.
22:12Now, let's have a tea time teaser, shall we?
22:15It's some great, and the clue,
22:17some great deals were to be had in the sale at this huge place.
22:21Some great deals were to be had in the sale at this huge place.
22:26MUSIC
22:41Welcome back. I left with the clue,
22:43some great deals were to be had in the sale at this huge place.
22:47That would have been at the Megastore.
22:50The Megastore.
22:52Mega, mega. 38, 31. Jan in the lead.
22:55Just. Joy.
22:57Let's do this game.
22:58May I have a vowel?
23:00Thank you, Joy.
23:01O.
23:02And another?
23:04I.
23:05And a consonant?
23:07L.
23:08And another?
23:10V.
23:12And a third?
23:15R.
23:17And a vowel?
23:19E.
23:21And a consonant?
23:23C.
23:24And another?
23:27D.
23:29And a final consonant?
23:31And a final S.
23:33Stand by.
23:51MUSIC
24:05Yes, Joy?
24:06A six.
24:07A six, Jan?
24:08I've got a six.
24:09Joy?
24:10Silver.
24:11And Jan?
24:12Voiced.
24:13Yes.
24:14Voiced.
24:15Now, Pam.
24:16We have Discover, which is an eight,
24:19and this other one, which I cannot pronounce, which Susie's got.
24:22Scleroid.
24:24S-C-L-E-R-O-I-D.
24:26You'll find it in medicine, but also botany and zoology,
24:28having a hardened texture to it.
24:30Scleroid.
24:31APPLAUSE
24:3544 to 37.
24:37Jan, letters game.
24:39Start with a consonant, please.
24:41Thank you, Jan.
24:42R.
24:44Another consonant?
24:46N.
24:48Another consonant?
24:50W.
24:52A vowel, please.
24:53E.
24:55Another vowel?
24:57O.
24:58Another vowel.
25:00U.
25:02A consonant?
25:04S.
25:06Another consonant, please.
25:09M.
25:12A vowel, please.
25:14And the last one.
25:15E.
25:17Stand by.
25:48Jan?
25:50A six.
25:51Joy?
25:52Also a six.
25:53Thank you. Jan?
25:54Renews.
25:55And Joy?
25:56Mourns.
25:57Mourns, yeah.
25:59And what have you two conspired to come up with?
26:02We have a large, tabby mouser, which is six.
26:0650 plays 43, only seven points in it.
26:08Susie, give them a rest with your origins of words.
26:12Well, I often like to talk about how clothes are hidden
26:15behind some of our most everyday words in English.
26:18I often talk about robbers, for example,
26:20who used to steal robes or clothes, which actually gave us robber.
26:24But I'm going to talk today about a strange one, and that's travesty,
26:27because you wouldn't ever think that travesty has anything to do with clothes.
26:31But it does, and vest is the clue in there,
26:34because travesty goes back to the Latin trans, meaning a cross,
26:38and vestire, which meant to clothe.
26:40And in the theatre, a travesty role is often still one
26:44designed to be performed by someone who dresses in the opposite,
26:48as though they were the opposite sex.
26:50I think you had a travesty role, Nick, if I remember rightly, in school.
26:53Oh, I did, yeah. I was a goddess.
26:56There you go. There you go.
26:58Well, this is no comment on you, but the earliest use of travesty
27:02was in the French travesty, meaning disguise,
27:04but it meant dressed to appear ridiculous.
27:06I'm sure that wasn't you.
27:08And the usual modern sense that we have today,
27:10which is a false or absurd representation of something,
27:13developed from the idea of a literary parody or a burlesque, if you like.
27:19So it started off, in a way, quite pleasant,
27:21and then, of course, today we talk about a travesty of justice,
27:24which is anything but.
27:26But this means that travesty actually has a sibling in vest,
27:29and then investment also has everything to do with clothes,
27:32because the very first sense of investing
27:34was to dress somebody in the ceremonial clothes of office.
27:38And finally, textile and texting.
27:41When we send a text message today,
27:43we're actually looking back to the textiles of old.
27:46It comes from the Latin texere, meaning to weave,
27:48because we weave our words, not just we weave our clothes.
27:52Fantastic.
27:54Wonderful.
27:5850 plays 43.
28:00Joan on 50, and it's Joy's letters game.
28:02May I have a vowel?
28:04Thank you, Joy.
28:05A.
28:06And another?
28:07E.
28:08And a consonant?
28:11L.
28:12And another?
28:14K.
28:15And another?
28:17T.
28:18And a fourth?
28:20G.
28:22A vowel?
28:24A.
28:26And a consonant?
28:28R.
28:30And a final consonant, please?
28:32And a final M.
28:34Stand by.
28:41CLOCK TICKS
29:07Well, Joy?
29:08Only a five.
29:10Jan?
29:11Got a six.
29:13Joy?
29:14Maker.
29:15Maker and...?
29:16Talker.
29:17It can be a talker.
29:19Absolutely.
29:20No.
29:21Pam?
29:22Well, we've got an interesting one here,
29:24which I wouldn't have thought would be allowed,
29:26but it's margate, which apparently is a fish.
29:30A deep-bodied grey fish.
29:3456-43, Jan, final letters game.
29:37I'll start with a consonant, please.
29:39N.
29:41I'll have another consonant, please.
29:44S.
29:46Another consonant?
29:48H.
29:50Another consonant?
29:52S.
29:53And a vowel?
29:55O.
29:56Another vowel?
29:58A.
29:59Another vowel, please?
30:01E.
30:03Erm...
30:05Another consonant, please?
30:07N.
30:10Another vowel, please?
30:12And lastly, A.
30:14Stand by.
30:38MUSIC STOPS
30:46Jan?
30:47A six.
30:48And Joy?
30:49Just a five.
30:50And your five?
30:51Noses.
30:53Now, Jan.
30:54I'm not sure about ashens.
30:56A-S-H-E-N-S.
30:58I think we will just find ashen as an adjective, Jan.
31:02Yeah, it's not there as a noun, I'm afraid.
31:04Can't put yes on, sorry.
31:06Look, what can we have?
31:08We've got season, which is six.
31:10Thank you for that. 56-48.
31:12As we go into the final numbers game.
31:15This is winnable. Good luck.
31:17May I have one large, five small?
31:19You may indeed. One large, five small.
31:21This is to force the crucial conundrum.
31:23Final numbers of the day are...
31:251, 10, 7, 8, 4 and 75.
31:31And the target...
31:33897.
31:35MUSIC
32:06Yes, Joy?
32:07897.
32:08And Jan?
32:09897.
32:10Yes, Joy?
32:12Erm, 8 plus 4, 12, times the 75.
32:16900.
32:17And then the 10 minus 7 gives 3.
32:19It does indeed. Well done.
32:22And Jan?
32:23Exactly the same.
32:24Same way up.
32:25Well done.
32:27APPLAUSE
32:31Which means that we do indeed have a crucial conundrum.
32:36Let's roll today's crucial countdown conundrum.
32:46Joy, main.
32:47Is it derailing?
32:49Derailing. Let's see whether you're right.
32:52No. Down to Jan.
33:01MUSIC
33:22Well, two good players. Foxed up here. Foxed.
33:26Who in the...? I see lots of hands.
33:28Laddering.
33:29Laddering.
33:31APPLAUSE
33:34Well done.
33:38I want to deal with Joy. That was well played.
33:41You got up to a crucial conundrum and had a...
33:43You sort of snatched at it, but there we are.
33:46You played very well. Thank you.
33:47So you go back to Bristol with this goodie bag
33:49and our very best wishes. Thank you.
33:51You travel safely.
33:52Now, look at that. Five wins?
33:55Not bad, is it? I'm going down, though.
33:57Well, you are a bit, but I know that you'll be back tomorrow
34:00fighting fit for another go.
34:02Thank you very much. We'll see you tomorrow.
34:04Thank you. Brilliant stuff.
34:06Pam, see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.
34:08With Susie, both of you.
34:10Well, she's doing well, don't you think?
34:12Cat with nine lives, and that's just one down, so you're fine.
34:15Back tomorrow.
34:16Back tomorrow indeed. See you then.
34:18See you then.
34:19Join us tomorrow, see how Jan Paz gets on.
34:21Tomorrow, she's got five wins, she's heading in the right direction.
34:26Same time, same place. You'll be sure of it.
34:28A very good afternoon.
34:30You can contact the programme by email...
34:46A dreamy tropical dessert
34:48and a sweet chicken surprise with a delicious sauce,
34:51both with only five ingredients each.
34:53Brand new Jamie's quick and easy food at eight,
34:56followed by breakfast, once a soggy bowl of cereal,
34:59now a reason to dine out.
35:01It's Tricks of the Restaurant Trade at half eight.