The Wonton Don | The Wonton Don
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00:00Oh, my God!
00:07Oh, God!
00:11Hey, how are you?
00:16Welcome to Oaxaca.
00:18Tonight, I'm going to my first Lucha Libre fight.
00:21It's like the Mexican WWF.
00:23If you've ever seen Nacho Libre with Jack Black, yeah, that was all about Lucha Libre.
00:29I am here solo at the moment, and I speak zero Spanish.
00:33Hey, how are you, buddy?
00:35But I found a solution.
00:36Upon arriving, I was doing a live stream, doing like a walking tour of the city, and I ran into this guy, Mike.
00:42You want to go to the market? You want to go to Centro Abastos?
00:45And, you know, he offered to show me around.
00:47In the back of my mind, I was thinking, okay, is this guy about to jump me, or is he going to lead me to, like, a back alleyway where his friends jump me?
00:55But that was just the gringo in me thinking negatively.
00:58He ended up being the man, and he showed me top-notch spots to get crickets.
01:03Champolines.
01:05Oh, yeah.
01:06To get mezcal.
01:07Before you wake up, before you brush your teeth, before you drink any water, you take a nice shot of mezcal.
01:12That will kill all the germs in your stomach.
01:14I don't know a ton about him.
01:16I think he went through, like, a messy divorce 10 years ago and just decided to move to Mexico.
01:20I had two choices.
01:22Stay there and be broke, or come to Mexico and be okay.
01:25But I hit him up.
01:26I asked him to come to the fights with me and be my translator.
01:29Told him I'd pay him for the translation and cover his ticket and beers, and he is down.
01:34So, in, like, an hour and a half, we're heading to the arena.
01:40Hasta luego.
01:44While waiting to meet Mike, I watched a bunch of old dudes play ball.
01:47Dude, the average age of these players has got to be, like, 44?
01:51I tried something called a tlayuda, which is like the authentic version of a Taco Bell Mexican pizza.
01:57All right, this is where I'm supposed to meet Mike.
02:00Uh, nope, don't need any spices.
02:02Told him 5 o'clock.
02:04I think it's now 5.20.
02:06Don't worry.
02:07We can count on Mike.
02:08At least that's what I kept telling myself.
02:10But right when I was starting to lose faith, he showed up.
02:13There he is.
02:14How are you?
02:15Good, man.
02:16I thought I was going to be late because I took my dog to live with my landlord, and he fucking got mad.
02:19He's like, pay me my rent.
02:21Oh, fuck, yeah.
02:23And he took my dog, and he's like, when you come back, you better have my money.
02:27I'm like, all right, let me go see.
02:28I might bring you your money right now.
02:30Okay, so, I want you to take a cab and go over there, and I'm going to take my motorcycle.
02:34Okay.
02:35Because I don't want it to get towed from here, bro.
02:36Okay, you take the motorcycle.
02:38I'm going to start the walk.
02:39All right, I'm going to drive.
02:42You okay?
02:46Oh, my God.
02:47I cramped.
02:49Yeah.
02:50Take your bike over there.
02:51I'll start to walk.
02:52That's what you do.
02:53You go over there, and I'm going to follow you.
02:54Take a taxi.
02:55I'm just going to walk.
02:56It says...
02:57Okay, let's walk.
02:58Fuck it.
02:59I'm not going to walk over there.
03:00Let's walk.
03:01Translator secured.
03:02We were off to the fights.
03:03I got my boy.
03:04You guys can go through.
03:05Okay.
03:06Nice.
03:09It says we're here.
03:13Oh, yeah.
03:14This is a small one, bro.
03:15Okay, yes.
03:16This is like backyard wrestling.
03:18You want to rest?
03:19Yeah, I might after we get our tickets.
03:22We're sitting front row.
03:23That's cool view.
03:24Yeah, but if it gets too disgusting, I'm going to jump out.
03:32There it is.
03:33Okay.
03:34I thought this was going to be in like an arena,
03:37not just like an outdoor basketball court,
03:41but hey, my expectations are still very high.
03:44There's a guy named Saddam, short for sodomy.
03:48There's a wrestler named Holocausto.
03:51It's going to be a murderer's row of competitors tonight.
03:55Yeah, can I do a tres cervezas, una fanta?
04:01All right, let's just do tres cervezas.
04:04Muchas gracias.
04:05We found Mike.
04:06I'm still not sure how well he speaks Espanol,
04:09but I have paid him for the night.
04:11I don't even know if I'll see Mike again.
04:13He may have just left after I paid him.
04:15We'll see.
04:16No, no, he's coming back.
04:17He's a good guy.
04:20Wow.
04:21But after a while, Mike was still nowhere to be seen,
04:24and I was in desperate need of a translator.
04:27I don't want to lose faith in Mike quite yet,
04:29but now I guess I'm going up to interview Lucha Libre wrestlers
04:33knowing zero Espanol.
04:35Hola.
04:36Yo puedo pregunta?
04:38Okay.
04:39All right.
04:40Great.
04:41I'm just going to use Google Translate.
04:43¿Cuál es la diferencia entre la lucha libre en México
04:46y la lucha libre en Estados Unidos?
04:49La lucha libre en México se caracteriza más por esto,
04:52por las máscaras.
04:53Los castigos son más fuertes en el wrestling.
04:56Más que como en el wrestling.
04:57En el wrestling son más golpes, son más castigos.
05:00Aquà se ocupan más secuencias, llaves, vuelos.
05:05It's, like, logical because here we are, like, not too much salt.
05:10And it looks, like, weird if someone like me,
05:14like, 160 meters, takes one guy in front.
05:19¿Qué es tu lucha libre nombre?
05:22Yo me llamo Supersario.
05:23Desde pequeño siempre quise ser como un superhéroe.
05:26Y yo me caracterizo por ser muy chico.
05:28Entonces, a la diferencia de los que están más grandes,
05:31más musculosos, yo estoy chico.
05:33Entonces, quiero dar ese ejemplo de que no necesitas
05:35ser un superhéroe o una gran persona
05:37para poder lograr lo que quieres.
05:38Mi nombre es Bezelao.
05:40Bezelao significa el dios del inframundo
05:44y dios de los muertos en zapoteco.
05:46¿Qué es tu lucha libre nombre?
05:49Holocausto.
05:50¿Por qué?
05:51Es un sacrificio a Dios, no?
05:53Not like the German Holocaust.
05:55I didn't know if you'd be having, like, a swastika
05:58on your mask or something like that.
05:59No, no, no.
06:00No, no, no nazi.
06:01No nazi because I'm Mexican.
06:03It's about the fire.
06:06Ah, okay.
06:08Holocausto is actually a very nice guy
06:10and he's the one guy here who can speak some English.
06:12Tonight on my match, it's like the old school
06:16versus the new people, you know?
06:18So it will be hard, but I hope to still like it.
06:23Which wrestler here is named Saddam?
06:26Maybe it's over there, but he use mask, no?
06:29Okay.
06:30I don't know if he has the mask.
06:31I can ask.
06:32Is Saddam in here?
06:34Wait, where is Saddam?
06:35Don't be able to say.
06:37Oh, yeah, yeah.
06:38Yep.
06:44Does he ever get behind people
06:46and give them a good ramming in the ring?
06:49Good ramming?
06:51Like, is his signature move sodomy?
06:58Does he have a signature move?
07:05If he wins tonight, will he be celebrating?
07:13I'm a wrestler in Poland.
07:15And right now I'm enjoying some holidays
07:18with my friends in Mexico.
07:20So taking the fact that I'm a wrestler,
07:22I did my research and I've been writing
07:24to the federations around the towns in Mexico I will be in.
07:28And that's how I ended up in Arena Pepitzneros.
07:31Please check out the Acid Messiah Goblin.
07:36I gotta go to Poland at some point.
07:38It's pretty cool.
07:39It's one of the most modern capital cities in Europe right now.
07:43So I do recommend it.
07:45And it's really cheap to get.
07:47So, yeah.
07:48Oh, sweet.
07:49I have no idea what he meant by that.
07:51But overall, the interviews have been going pretty well,
07:54even without the help of Mike.
07:55Yeah, so Mike, he took the money and just immediately left.
07:59I thought we were actually, you know,
08:01gaining some sort of trust from each other.
08:03But anyone who just moves to Mexico after a messy divorce
08:07and is, like, still not doing so hot in Mexico after 10 years,
08:13there's got to be some other underlying problems.
08:16But shout out Holocaust.
08:18Who would have thought?
08:19Mike is kind of a scumbag.
08:20Holocaust, stand-up guy.
08:22They're bringing in the stretcher.
08:25After the luchadores finished putting on their costumes.
08:29Wow.
08:30Scary.
08:31It was time to get this show on the road.
08:34Oh, wow.
08:35The first fight.
08:36Rule us!
08:37Rule us!
08:39Okay, apparently Mike had to go get his bike because it was being towed.
08:43I still think he went to get his fix.
08:46Where are you from?
08:47Estados Unidos.
08:48Will you wrestle tonight?
08:49Yes.
08:50It means tempo.
08:51Tempo.
08:52Tempo.
08:53This is a little arena.
08:56Yeah.
08:57But all the public is so important.
08:59Yeah.
09:00It's my name.
09:01It's my personage.
09:03And I need to give to the people a good spectacle.
09:06All right.
09:07Well, I'll be down there in the front row watching.
09:10Yes, yes, yes.
09:11If you need any help, I'm not a bad wrestler myself,
09:13so I can come in and drop some moves.
09:16What?
09:17I don't understand.
09:19I talk English, but just a little.
09:21You speak English very well.
09:24Not sure why I was watching from the nosebleeds when I had ringside seats,
09:28so I headed down to get closer to the action.
09:33One, two, three.
09:34One, two, three.
09:39Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.
09:45Twelve, thirteen.
09:47Twelve, thirteen.
09:50I'm the champion.
09:56Oh, don't touch the ref.
10:03Oh, my God.
10:12One, two, three.
10:14That was the first match.
10:16Woo.
10:17Let's go.
10:18Pretty electric.
10:19I wouldn't get this type of access at a WWF match.
10:22Talking to the wrestlers up there in the training room.
10:25Daffing them off right after the fight.
10:27You're a champion.
10:28And you know what?
10:29Mike may return.
10:30He may be on heroin, but he'll be back.
10:34Oop.
10:35That's not a good wind.
10:37That wind indicates it's about to start pouring out.
10:40We'll get a couple more fights in.
10:41Let's go.
10:42How do we like this mask?
10:44I think I'm going to buy it.
10:48Oh, shit.
10:52Wait, we have a male versus female match?
10:57Thought they only did that at the Olympics.
11:03You know what?
11:04That could be the guy I saw backstage putting on makeup.
11:11Is that him?
11:12I don't know.
11:19Tecnica.
11:20Tecnica.
11:21Tecnica.
11:22Tecnica.
11:23Twist him.
11:24No, no, no.
11:25Send him back.
11:35Okay, that is definitely not a dude.
11:37He just kicked they, them in the crotch as hard as possible.
11:41And no reaction.
11:43Mommy, Daddy, can I go to Noche UFC in Vegas?
11:47No, son.
11:48We have Noche UFC at home.
11:59Wife beat her.
12:00Woman hate her.
12:06She just got absolutely pounded.
12:08Not a lot of celebration after that.
12:10Are you okay, senorita?
12:12She's not okay.
12:14Wait, I don't think this is over.
12:17Oh, she's got your butt.
12:21Oh, shit.
12:26Don't walk him.
12:29Walk him on the bench.
12:33Holy fuck.
12:35Holy fuck.
12:41She slapped them cheeks.
12:43If that's actually a dude, don't tell me.
12:45Because that ass is popping.
12:48Oh, my God.
12:51Ass to face.
13:05After that fight, there was a bit of a rain delay.
13:07So in the meantime, the ref had a bunch of foreigners get in the ring.
13:12Take a shot of mezcal, spin in circles, and try running into each corner.
13:22Can I get a shot of mezcal?
13:24Oh, let's go.
13:26Are you the halftime show, the referee?
13:30Whoa, holy shit.
13:31The halftime show is getting out of hand.
13:34I think during the rain delays, they just let the tourists wrestle.
13:43Cheers.
13:45Cheers.
14:02I'm going for that guy in the red pants.
14:07Holy shit.
14:08Este es Royal Rumble.
14:11Royal Rumble.
14:12Buena suerte.
14:13This Royal Rumble is about fucking insane.
14:17And they're playing on a slippery mat.
14:18Keep in mind, it just rained a shit ton.
14:26That guy's wearing a tutu.
14:30I'm rooting for the vivas.
14:33I don't even think they're saying viva.
14:34I don't know what they're saying.
14:39It's a diva match, folks.
14:40It's a diva match.
15:09Get away.
15:15You okay, bro? You okay?
15:19Shake it off.
15:20You'll be okay.
15:21Yeah, he's got it.
15:23Zombie. Zombie.
15:34Zombie. Zombie.
15:37Oh, it's the heavyweight match.
15:43Oh, hip check.
15:45Shoulder check.
15:46I like it.
15:49Oh, shit.
15:50Big boy fall hard.
15:59Stop snapping.
16:07Oh, come on.
16:08I'm about to bend him like a taco.
16:20Someone's got to bring a fist to a slap fight.
16:23Take control right here.
16:26Diva, stay down.
16:36Let's go, diva.
16:40Holy shit, it's hot.
16:54Put him through the dishwasher.
16:56Honestly, I never watched a lot of WWF as a kid.
16:59I never got into it.
17:00I think Brandon Walker's a weirdo for being so obsessed as an adult.
17:04But after watching this, now I can kind of see that this is electric.
17:09Oh, dude just flew.
17:11It's a flupa.
17:19Oh, shit.
17:20It's hard sauce.
17:21It's about to get serious.
17:29We're ganging up on the big guy.
17:31He needs some help.
17:35Come on.
17:37Oh, yes.
17:38Smother him.
17:47What is going on here?
17:48What type of configuration is this?
17:51Oh, no.
17:52They're about to split this guy to the seas.
17:58All right, bring in the reinforcements.
18:00They're bringing back in the guy with the tutu.
18:05Get out.
18:07Oh, no.
18:08The wheelbarrow.
18:09Oh, what is this?
18:11Valiant effort, buddy.
18:12Valiant effort.
18:17Dude, it's raining.
18:19We're on a converted basketball court turned into a Lucha Libre ring.
18:24Oh, my God.
18:26But I'm having a blast.
18:28Go for the finisher.
18:29Go for the finisher.
18:31My dad took me to a WWF event when I was maybe seven, but it wasn't as cool as this.
18:39Appreciate the effort on my dad's part, though.
18:41How does a Royal Rumble end?
18:43I have no idea.
18:49I think that guy's the heel.
18:51The guy in all black just beating the shit out of people now.
18:53He's got something coming to him.
18:55I know it.
18:57Jesus.
19:02Someone kick this guy's ass.
19:09I don't even know if that was on purpose.
19:11The mat's turned into a slip and slide.
19:13This is insane.
19:21Oh, tu puta madre.
19:27I didn't say it. He said it.
19:35This Royal Rumble has been going on for 30 minutes.
19:38When do they have a winner?
19:56All right, we got a winner.
20:00That was electric.
20:05I was rooting for you.
20:06Are you not entertained?
20:08That was electric.
20:09I don't even know if it's over.
20:10I haven't seen that Polish guy, the Green Goblin.
20:13So maybe there's still another fight and that's why they're cleaning everything off.
20:20The main event had arrived.
20:22How are you guys feeling?
20:23Afraid of the slippery.
20:25Is this going to be a one-on-one match?
20:27It's going to be a two-on-two match.
20:29We have to beat both guys or submit both guys twice to win.
20:33Okay, so it's you and Sadam.
20:36And who are you fighting?
20:38Tempo.
20:39Tempo, yes. I know Tempo.
20:40You know who I am.
20:42I'm going to have to root for you tonight.
20:44I want to listen to your name.
20:46Your voice, Tempo.
20:47Tempo, yes.
20:48I want to hear you.
20:49You will hear me.
20:50Sadam, the king of sodomy.
20:57Oh, yes.
20:59The Polish pounder, let's go.
21:01I got to get him a fight in the U.S.
21:04Mask on, the last fight.
21:07Let's go, Tempo.
21:08What's your name?
21:09Wonton Don.
21:10I love you, Wonton Don.
21:11Donny, I love you, Tempo.
21:15This is the grand finale, I guess.
21:18I'm just going to sit on the fucking ground.
21:23I'm rooting for Tempo.
21:33Sadam on Sodom.
21:38Alright, let's go Tempo.
21:40Let's go, Tempo.
21:46Oh, he gave him a kiss.
21:48Oh, the barber gave him a kiss.
21:51Don't let him kiss you like that, Tempo.
21:53Oh, I love that.
21:55Oh, no.
21:56Why do we fall down, Tempo, to get back up?
22:06Oh, attaboy, Tempo.
22:08Oh, nope.
22:09Not the finishing move we wanted.
22:16Oh, no.
22:18Tempo needs help.
22:20Somebody help him.
22:21There you go.
22:22Don't worry about Sodomy.
22:23He's a bitch.
22:24You're going to be the one bumping him by the end of the night.
22:32Tempo lost the first match.
22:34Sadam and the Goblin took it.
22:36I still got respect for the Goblin.
22:38He's the only gringo here.
22:40How are you feeling after that match?
22:42Slippery.
22:43But you won.
22:44I want to win.
22:45Yeah, this is tough.
22:46I'm rooting for Goblin and Tempo at the same time.
22:49Let's go, Tempo.
22:50I got Tempo, though.
22:51It's fucking Mexican Independence Day.
22:53We need a Mexican to win.
22:56Alright, I love you too.
22:58Don't be afraid of Sodomy.
23:00He only has that name because he likes it in the butt.
23:03He's not a giver.
23:04He's a taker.
23:07No fear.
23:08Win this for Mexico.
23:18The Goblin just got tossed.
23:28Tempo's team took round two.
23:30Atta boy, Tempo.
23:37Coach!
23:44They need you, Tempo.
23:51I want that for you, Tempo.
24:07Another one!
24:09Coach!
24:10Coach!
24:11One more for the dumbass!
24:17The dumbass!
24:18The dumbass!
24:19The dumbass!
24:20The dumbass!
24:21The dumbass!
24:23The dumbass!
24:37The dumbass!
24:42Holy shit!
24:45I got you!
24:46I got you!
24:49Oh my God!
24:53Oh God!
24:56You'll be okay, Goblin.
24:57Holy shit!
25:06Stop!
25:08Oh my God, not the one!
25:09Ringo, Ringo!
25:11Go!
25:12Go!
25:13Dance class!
25:18Holy shit!
25:19The Goblin got fucking tossed.
25:21They had to toss the Gringo at some point.
25:25Finish him!
25:26Finish the referee!
25:29That's right, Tempo!
25:30Fuck the ref!
25:32Go now, circumcise him, Tempo!
25:36Oh my God!
25:37Goodbye to his cojones!
25:41Huevos!
25:42Huevos, yes!
25:43Adios!
25:44Adios, the refs!
25:45Huevos!
25:46Yeah, they castrated the ref.
25:50Viva la Polonia!
25:51Yeah, yeah.
25:52It's Mexican Independence Day.
25:54They weren't going to let the green Polack win.
25:59One hell of a show.
26:01Hope you recover.
26:02Oh, let's go.
26:03To the losers or the spoils.
26:06Let's go.
26:16That was absolutely electric.
26:18Now I'm going to go try to talk to a few of the fighters.
26:22Sotomay, congratulations.
26:24Nice to meet you.
26:25Yeah, it was nice meeting you too.
26:26Take care, bro.
26:27Well done.
26:28Are you okay?
26:30Is it your shoulder?
26:32Yeah, my right shoulder when he put me in the submission hold.
26:35He pocketed it up.
26:36Okay.
26:37I had to push it in to even be able to move it.
26:40Is that the first time it's happened?
26:41Or have you dislocated your shoulder before?
26:44No, no.
26:45He's the first one to do it.
26:46Kudos to him, I guess.
26:47But it was a great experience to be able to.
26:51Yeah, the people loved you.
26:53Tough break for the Polish Goblin.
26:56His first shoulder delocation in a wrestling match.
26:59There's Tempo.
27:01What's up, man?
27:02Tempo, you have your own action figure?
27:04Yes, yes.
27:05You want to buy one?
27:06Yeah.
27:07Anoche, can I buy you a beer?
27:11I don't drink.
27:12Oh, okay.
27:14Yeah, yeah, you're right.
27:15You're right, you're right.
27:16You don't win these wrestling matches by drinking beers.
27:21Cuanto cuesta your action figure?
27:24Cuatrocientos.
27:25Muchas gracias.
27:27All good.
27:28Oh, wait.
27:29I need your autograph.
27:32Muchas gracias.
27:33Have a great night.
27:34Dude, I hope the Polish guy's okay.
27:36Mike may have taken my money without translating a word,
27:38but all things considered, I had an incredible evening ringside
27:42and now could hit the town to celebrate Mexican Independence Day.
27:48Viva Mexico!
27:59Viva Oaxaca!
28:03I noticed people on the streets spraying each other with cream.
28:06You like your own cream?
28:08And it didn't take long before I became the largest target.
28:13I just got splooshed.
28:19I can't even see.
28:34Spray the gringo!
28:39Spray the gringo!
28:40The gringo is very white right now.
28:42Oh, my fucking God.
28:47Oh, my God.
28:50All right, I'm good.
28:51I'm good.
28:52The gringo!
28:55I'm gonna die!
28:58Chains are coming back off.
29:00Holy shit.
29:01How did I not know that was a tradition?