Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 5: Drunk as a Fish
Tickle and the boys agree to host a fish fry for charity. Armed only with their hands, wits and plentiful moonshine the boys set out to catch their limit. Megan struggles to sell tickets to the fundraiser, until she thinks of a way to sweeten the pot.
#tickle #moonshiners
Tickle and the boys agree to host a fish fry for charity. Armed only with their hands, wits and plentiful moonshine the boys set out to catch their limit. Megan struggles to sell tickets to the fundraiser, until she thinks of a way to sweeten the pot.
#tickle #moonshiners
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TVTranscript
00:00He's got one!
00:01Yeah, got him!
00:02Hey!
00:03I lost him!
00:04Man!
00:05There's an old saying.
00:06It goes like this.
00:07You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
00:08You teach a man to fish, and his kids ain't got no daddy.
00:09He's off fishing.
00:10He ain't got no time to be at home.
00:11Check this out.
00:12Oh, my God.
00:13With help from his partners, he's been able to get
00:14the fish out of the water.
00:15He's got it.
00:16He's got it.
00:17He's got it.
00:18He's got it.
00:19He's got it.
00:20He's got it.
00:21He's got it.
00:22He's got it.
00:23He's got it.
00:24He's got it.
00:25He's got it.
00:26He's got it.
00:27He's got it.
00:28He's got it.
00:29He's got it.
00:30He's got it.
00:31He's got it.
00:32He's got it.
00:33He's got it.
00:34He's got it.
00:35He's got it.
00:36He's got it.
00:37He's got it.
00:38He's got it.
00:39He's got it.
00:40He's got it.
00:41He's got it.
00:42He's got it.
00:43He's got it.
00:44He's got it.
00:45He's got it.
00:46He's got it.
00:47He's got it.
00:48He's got it.
00:49He's got it.
00:50He's got it.
00:51He's got it.
00:52He's got it.
00:53He's got it.
00:54He's got it.
00:55He's got it.
00:56There's a lick around here, brother.
00:57Brother?
00:58I mean, we got an incompetent secretary, obviously, because she don't do nothing but sit there
01:01and read damn magazines.
01:02She ain't use none of the shit you bought her.
01:04She's the laziest damn secretary I've ever seen.
01:06It's my name on the bill.
01:08And I've been working really hard to make the name Tickle synonymous with success.
01:13And I expect the very same thing out of all my employees.
01:17Maggie, what are you doing over there?
01:19I mean, when are you going to start using that machine over there?
01:22That?
01:23Yeah.
01:24When you plug it in.
01:26And then I'm pretty sure you have to have paper for it, too.
01:29You've got to put a work order in for these things.
01:30I mean, we've got a lot on our plate.
01:37Hey, how are you?
01:38How is everybody today?
01:39Good.
01:40How are you?
01:41Good.
01:42How are you doing today?
01:43Great.
01:44Thanks.
01:45Penny's the one that helped me find this property.
01:46I was told that you might be able to help me out with some real estate.
01:49Well, I probably could do that.
01:51Now she always knows where to find me.
01:54Tickle.
01:56Come on, Tickle.
01:58Open the door.
02:01All right.
02:06She's always asking me for something.
02:09Listen, I'm representing the local business owners here in Gretna.
02:13And we're having a charity drive here so that we can make a pedestrian crossing out there.
02:18I'm sure it would bring in so many more people to your business
02:21if they had an easier way to get over here.
02:23Watch out, woman!
02:26Man, f*** you!
02:28I'd love to get more customers in here.
02:30The sooner this store gets busy, the sooner I can pass it off as my real job.
02:34Can we count on you guys for some type of contribution?
02:37Well, I'm...
02:39Like what type of contribution?
02:40Oh, I don't know.
02:41You just donate something from the store?
02:42No, no, no, no.
02:43We need a monetary contribution, of course.
02:44If I start giving money to charity,
02:46people are going to start wondering where it's coming from.
02:48But nobody's going to wonder why I got so much time to donate.
02:52Look, I got a great idea.
02:55Why don't we go fishing, and then we have a fish fry,
02:58sell tickets to it, and then we can donate the money from that.
03:01You are sure that you can bring in enough fish?
03:04Look, I am the fish master.
03:06Come on. Come on.
03:08Got one.
03:10Between him, me, and Moe, we'll get them.
03:12We'll catch everything you need.
03:13Make sure that you sell enough tickets,
03:15because I don't want to have all this fish here and it go bad
03:17because we ain't got nobody to eat it.
03:19I'll help you out.
03:20I know you're new to the area,
03:21and maybe you don't know too many of the folks,
03:24I'll go out and introduce you to the new business people here.
03:26That'll get her up and moving.
03:27Yeah, absolutely.
03:30You're not a real store owner until you've shut down
03:33in the middle of the day and hung up a gone fishing sign.
03:36But first, Tickle's got to run an important errand.
03:40I'm heading up here to Grandpa Bill's.
03:42He's calling in another favor.
03:44I hope it's something simple this time,
03:46like maybe his wife needs to be picked up at the airport.
03:49Something.
03:54You called, Bill?
03:56You know what other favor you owe me?
03:59Yeah, I do.
04:01I got something I need you to do for me.
04:03Oh, okay.
04:04I want you to babysit that box.
04:06I want you to take care of it for a couple days,
04:08no questions asked.
04:10What's in it?
04:11That's the question.
04:12You don't need to know.
04:13It's none of your damn business.
04:15All you got to do is babysit it.
04:17Don't open it, don't shake it,
04:19especially don't drop it.
04:22I can do that.
04:23In a couple of days, I'll call you,
04:25and if it's in this fine, unopened condition,
04:27favor done.
04:29I think I can handle it.
04:31All right.
04:43Don't open it, don't shake it,
04:46especially don't drop it.
04:49Open me.
04:56Do it, Tickle.
05:00It never did take much shine
05:02for Tickle to start listening to the voices in his head.
05:10You're doing the right thing.
05:15You're doing the right thing.
05:22I think I'll rest a little bit easier
05:24if I'm not the only one watching this box.
05:32Brother, what the heck?
05:33Special delivery.
05:34No, no, no, no.
05:36It's a box.
05:37I see it is.
05:38Don't touch it.
05:39Bill gave it to me.
05:40Told me to hang on to it.
05:41What's in it?
05:42Don't touch it.
05:43He said don't open it.
05:44Oh, yeah?
05:45He said don't shake it, don't drop it.
05:46That's even more reason to open the damn thing.
05:47Don't open it.
05:48Look.
05:49Y'all ain't gotta open it.
05:50I'll open it.
05:51Y'all watch.
05:52Man said don't.
05:53Stop.
05:54Man says don't open it.
05:55Come on, man.
05:56This man could have guns, bear traps, porno.
05:57Who knows?
05:58All I know is man said don't open it,
05:59so I ain't opening it.
06:00Get out of there.
06:01Get out of the damn box, man.
06:02Stop, man.
06:03Look, we gotta go get these catfish.
06:05We'll get that fish fry.
06:06Penny and Megan gonna be on our asses if we don't.
06:08I'm gonna leave the box there.
06:09I'm gonna lock the stove up.
06:10It'll be all right.
06:11All right.
06:12We'll think about it for a while,
06:13but when we get back to fishing,
06:14you'll forget about it.
06:15You'll forget about it while we're fishing.
06:16Come on, man.
06:17Ain't nothing in that box.
06:18I bet you there is something in that box.
06:21Having won a battle of wills with a box,
06:23Tickle's ready for his next opponent,
06:25the Wiley Virginia catfish.
06:27Come on, boys.
06:28I'll show you how all this is done.
06:30We're gonna take this shine right here and drink it.
06:34No, no, no, no.
06:36I'm drinking beer for us, you know.
06:39Shine for the fish.
06:40What the hell?
06:41He talking about the fish getting the damn shine.
06:43Hell no.
06:44We're not just going fishing.
06:45We're going noodling.
06:46Catfish lives in holes in the bottom of the river.
06:48Well, noodling is where you find that hole,
06:50you stick your hand in there,
06:52and you grab that sucker.
06:53What I'm gonna do,
06:54I'm gonna take this baster,
06:55fill it full of shine,
06:56and I'm gonna square it up in the hole,
06:58and I'm gonna get the fish drunk.
06:59Then I can just pull him right out.
07:01That ain't gonna work.
07:02Look, you ever been drunk as a fish?
07:04Several times.
07:05Well, now we fixing to get the fish drunk.
07:08Man, in my life,
07:09I've wasted my time, my money.
07:11I've wasted other people's time and money.
07:13But never I've wasted shine.
07:15Especially on stupid fish.
07:18How do you know if you're hitting
07:19the ass or the mouth, brother?
07:20Well, I'm not gonna shove it in the fish.
07:22I'm just gonna put it up in the hole
07:23and square it up in there.
07:24Man, you see this turkey baster?
07:26This is exactly why I don't go to Tickle's house
07:28for Thanksgiving.
07:29Look, when I come up,
07:30y'all get ready to grab this son of a bitch, all right?
07:33Good luck, buddy.
07:37Heh heh.
07:39He's got one!
07:40Don't let him get away.
07:42Got him!
07:43Got him!
07:46Oh!
07:47Hold on!
07:48Hold on, man!
07:49I lost him.
07:50Why didn't you hang on?
07:51Get the f*** out of the way, man!
07:53I don't know if the fish was drunk or scared or what,
07:56but, man, he come right out of his hole
07:58slick as a cat's ass.
07:59It ain't gonna work, man.
08:01I told you it was gonna work.
08:03What do people think?
08:04I just make this s*** up?
08:06Yes, that's exactly what people think.
08:09Oh, man, really?
08:12Hey, how are you?
08:13When Penny came looking for charitable donations,
08:15the only thing Tickle had to offer...
08:17Why don't we go fishing?
08:18...were his skills as a fisherman
08:20and his unconventional bait.
08:22I'm gonna square it up in the hole,
08:23and I'm gonna get the fish drunk.
08:25Normally, the key to winning any struggle
08:27is to turn your opponent's strengths against them.
08:29But since a catfish's only strength is being delicious,
08:32we're just gonna grab him.
08:34All right, Moe, you got this.
08:35All right.
08:36I'm ready.
08:37Let's see you hit it, bro.
08:49Oh, s***!
08:50Hold it!
08:51You got it!
08:52Oh!
08:53Let's go!
08:54Get!
08:55S***!
08:56S***!
08:57Hey!
08:58S***!
08:59Oh, God, we gotta go get Moe.
09:06Come on, girl, let's go beat the streets.
09:08You got the tickets.
09:09I got the flyers.
09:11Hey, Marie.
09:12Hey, how are you?
09:13How are y'all?
09:14Good.
09:15I'm from next door at Tickle's Taco Shop,
09:17and we're selling tickets for a fish fry for charity
09:19and would wonder if you'd like to buy any.
09:21No, no, thank you.
09:22I don't think we're interested.
09:26But I'll be glad to sell you a movie ticket.
09:28Why on earth would someone not want to come to a fish fry?
09:33These y'all don't know what you're doing.
09:35What's going on, man?
09:36Someone needs to call Megan.
09:37Let her know to stop selling tickets,
09:38because if y'all can't get on the catching board, man,
09:40y'all...
09:41You're the one who got the phone.
09:42I left...
09:43I left it on the bank up there.
09:45I don't see your phone.
09:46I'd have lost my damn cell phone
09:48strolling around with this catfish.
09:50We gotta make a phone call.
09:52There's a whole lot better option here, fellas.
09:55Just check this out.
09:57How about that?
10:02We were wondering if you'd like to buy some tickets.
10:05No, I'm really not interested.
10:07Maybe next time I should do the talking.
10:09No, fish hurts my stomach.
10:11I don't like it.
10:12No, I'm good.
10:13Not this time.
10:14My money's a little light this month.
10:16I'm busy this weekend.
10:19I think I'll have to pass today.
10:22I don't get it.
10:23You'd think just the word charity
10:25would make more people want to turn out.
10:27You know, I try so hard, but it's just not good enough.
10:30This must be how Howard feels all the time.
10:32You think they've caught anything?
10:34Well, hey, I don't know.
10:35You know him better than I do.
10:36You worked with the fella.
10:37I mean, you know,
10:38he's a guy that can get up and go about him.
10:39Well...
10:44No!
10:46F***!
10:47Megan!
10:49Yeah, I'm thinking we maybe should call and check in.
10:51It might be a really good idea.
10:53I mean, just to get an idea,
10:54and we won't let them know
10:55about how many tickets we have been sold.
10:57Yeah, gotta keep that under cover.
10:58Yeah.
10:59All right.
11:00I'll put on speakers so you can hear.
11:02Okay.
11:11Hmm.
11:12Well, do you think just having a plain old fish fry is enough?
11:16I don't know.
11:17Maybe you need to offer some type of incentive
11:18to get them there.
11:19Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
11:20I don't know.
11:21What do you have access to
11:22that you can offer for free?
11:25I think I've got an idea on what we can offer.
11:30How's this going to work?
11:32We're going to scoop the fish out?
11:34Yeah, it's a net.
11:37Success is said to be 10% inspiration
11:40and 90% perspiration.
11:42What the hell?
11:43In Tickle's case, it's about 97% moonshot.
11:47Better make that 100%.
11:50So what do we want to do here?
11:51We're just going to kind of...
11:53Kind of what?
11:54Kind of back and forth a little bit with it.
11:58I mean, Tickle's like one of them drunken kung fu masters.
12:01Comes up with some great ideas,
12:03but he's just got to be drunk enough.
12:05One on each side,
12:06and go to moving the net around a record.
12:09Okay.
12:13Well, look, man.
12:14Y'all two pull, and I'll push the fish to you.
12:16All right.
12:19In his defense,
12:20Howard truly believes he's helping right now.
12:23Yeah, fishies.
12:24Yeah.
12:25Yeah.
12:26Yeah.
12:27Yeah.
12:34I'll take four tickets, Bo.
12:37Sure.
12:38Great, how many?
12:39How about six of them?
12:40Eight plays, 12 tickets.
12:43I'll take seven.
12:44Thank you so much.
12:45Fish from.
12:46Four tickets.
12:48Good day.
12:49Give me 10 tickets.
12:50These boys better bring a lot of fish.
12:53Since his last plan had a net gain of zero catfish,
12:57Tickle's banking on something a little more extreme.
13:00What are we going to do?
13:01We're going to make us a bomb.
13:03This probably ain't the best ideas right here.
13:06You'll like it, man.
13:07I swear you'll like it.
13:08I love blowing stuff up.
13:19Mo, you got a knife on you?
13:20Yeah, all right.
13:22Any other way, it won't work.
13:23Have you done this before?
13:24Look, this is going to work.
13:25You just watch.
13:26You watch and learn.
13:27Holy smokes, boys.
13:29Yeah, you got to seal that up.
13:30Got to make sure it seals any other way or it'll just catch on fire.
13:33What's wrong with the damn fishing pole, man?
13:35Hoping for an explosive rise in fish caught.
13:39No, a boom in, you know, succeeding with a bang.
13:45Ah, screw it.
13:46He's going to throw a bomb.
13:48Making a big boom now.
13:49Just watch.
13:52I can't wait.
13:54You know, dynamite would be more economic.
13:57Yes, sir.
13:58But, you know, this, it's a lot more fun.
14:01Tickle it, tickle it.
14:02Time to throw it, man.
14:03Tickle, tickle, go.
14:12That's how you fish.
14:14Yeah.
14:19Man, we got arrested so many times in that small town for the stupidest things.
14:23We just pull our own spot up in the jail.
14:25We're like, y'all ain't got to arrest me.
14:27I'm turning myself in.
14:28That's right.
14:29Half the time we never made it to a cell.
14:30We'd sit out there on that damn wooden bench.
14:31Carry on with the bullshit.
14:32Sober up a little bit and you're like, all right, shift change.
14:34You want to ride home?
14:35No, you're going to arrest me again, bring me back.
14:37Exactly.
14:38But you'd be like, Moe, I hate to do this to you, but look, I got to meet quota.
14:41Yeah.
14:42Honestly, I get home.
14:43That's what happens in a small town.
14:44Yeah.
14:46Come on, boys.
14:47I'll show you how all this is done.
14:48Tickle spent all day failing to catch fish for a local charity.
14:52Yeah, fishies.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Until he found an explosive way to give back to the community.
15:03Boy, that wasn't your regular homebrew.
15:05That wasn't.
15:06Look at the fish.
15:08Come on, hurry up for it and get some, man.
15:10I'm getting one, man.
15:11I know.
15:14They starting to sink.
15:16Hold on, come on.
15:17Man, there's more catfish in here than we know what to do with.
15:20Come on.
15:21Oh, you son of a bitch.
15:24That was no accident.
15:25Six bins to the first one.
15:27Who can put it in the second?
15:28I ain't got to move.
15:29All right.
15:31Oh.
15:32Hit the hole, boys.
15:33Hang on.
15:34You almost got your six bins.
15:36Ah, Josh.
15:37Did you see that?
15:40From downtown.
15:42Oh, oh, oh.
15:44Nothing but sack.
15:47And that is how you do it.
15:49We got 50 pounds of fish right here.
15:51We're getting drunk tonight, boys.
15:53I tell you, boy, that's a hell of an idea.
15:55I've never fished any other way.
15:57When somebody underestimates you and says you can't do something, that's your time to shine bright.
16:03Just don't shine too bright, because then they'll start overestimating you.
16:09Something tells me that won't be a problem, because there's still the box.
16:15Man, don't do it, Tickle.
16:17Where's your sense of adventure, cousin?
16:19Stop, man.
16:20I mean, what can it hurt, man?
16:21All you got to do is babysit it.
16:22Don't open it.
16:23Don't shake it.
16:24Especially don't drop it.
16:26I can do that.
16:27We can tape it back up.
16:28He'll never know we're in there.
16:29Man, it's probably gold.
16:30This could be the best.
16:31Problem solver.
16:32It's principle.
16:33You got to be a man of your word.
16:34I am a man of my word.
16:35I will tape it up when I'm done.
16:36I promise you that.
16:37Mo's an honorable guy.
16:38He makes a lot of good points.
16:40But Howard, he's got tape.
16:44Come on.
16:45It ain't going to hurt, man.
16:46What's it going to hurt, man?
16:50Find out, brother.
16:52Man.
16:53That's what I like.
16:54Man, I'm so excited.
16:55This is like Christmas, man.
16:57It ain't going to hurt.
16:58Yeah, easy.
17:00You could probably reuse the tape.
17:01He'll never know, that old blind bastard.
17:03Yeah.
17:04All right.
17:08Ah!
17:10What the hell, man?
17:11Man.
17:12He set us up, the old coot.
17:13Told you, cousin.
17:14I told y'all.
17:15Yeah.
17:16What'd you tell?
17:17You said open the box.
17:18I said stay away from the box.
17:19Yeah, you did not say stay away from the box.
17:20You're the one telling me to open the box.
17:21Man, don't move this thing.
17:23It's Grandpa Bill.
17:25Hello?
17:27Yeah.
17:28All right.
17:29Okay.
17:30I'll be right there.
17:31All right.
17:32All right.
17:33Grandpa Bill, he needs us down at his store.
17:34We can't go over there like this.
17:35He'll know we've done this.
17:36You don't keep playing.
17:37Come on.
17:38Oh, my God.
17:39Thank you, cousin.
17:40No one's playing this.
17:41It ain't me.
17:42It's your life.
17:56You called Bill?
17:58Bill, don't y'all look pretty.
18:02I was trying to see if I could trust you.
18:04Here's living proof.
18:05Can't trust you.
18:07Yeah.
18:08Well, we don't want that.
18:10I told you don't open that box.
18:13Well, if I'd open that thing when I was driving down the road, I mean, I could have got killed.
18:19But nobody would have cared.
18:21Damn, I'd have cared, buddy.
18:23I just wish y'all boys listened sometimes.
18:26Just get the hell out of there.
18:27Just leave.
18:29Bill might never put his faith in Tickle again, but if Tickle plays his cards right,
18:33he's one successful meal away from gaining the town's trust.
18:38We wound up with plenty of fish, didn't we?
18:40Yeah.
18:41That's right.
18:43That's how you skin a fish, boys.
18:45Well, y'all are doing a fine job.
18:47We are, yeah.
18:49Just in time to help us get a few more fish.
18:51So how many fillets have you got?
18:52We got a pile.
18:53Well, I hope so.
18:54You got a pile of people to feed.
18:56Let's get these things breaded on up.
19:04I love when grease is popping.
19:06That's right.
19:08Think four at a table?
19:09That is how you fry fish.
19:11Yeah.
19:12The fish fry is gonna be great.
19:15We've got a bunch of tickets sold.
19:17That's it right there.
19:18The fish is real good.
19:20Hell, this might be the first time I start making money on something you can't drink.
19:25Pour it in, girl.
19:26Good stuff here.
19:30I know what makes a good party.
19:31Hello, ladies.
19:32Hi.
19:33How are you today?
19:34Good to have you here.
19:35All right, fellas.
19:36We gotta put the fish on the table.
19:37Oh, that's okay.
19:38We got something ready to go.
19:39That's right.
19:40Yeah.
19:41How you doing?
19:42Just drop your ticket in the jar.
19:43I bought two because I'm gonna eat twice as much.
19:45Oh, well, that sounds good.
19:47Got plenty of fish and plenty of fixings to go with it.
19:50Drop your ticket in the jar.
19:52While you get a plate and help yourself.
19:55Hey, y'all are good.
19:56How'd y'all get so many people here?
19:58Hey, how are you?
19:59I'm here for the free bread.
20:00Just drop your ticket in the jar.
20:01All right.
20:02Thanks.
20:03Free drinks.
20:04Yes.
20:05Help yourself.
20:06Yep.
20:09All right.
20:10What kind of free drinks are we talking about here?
20:11The good kind.
20:22Like, the real good kind.
20:26That can get very expensive.
20:28Do you know how much money I'd lose
20:30if I gave everybody here just one cup of shine?
20:32I got fish to fry.
20:33You handle this thing and handle it now.
20:35If Tickle didn't want me making sure
20:36our guests had a good time,
20:38he probably shouldn't have given me
20:39a key to the carriage house.
20:41Oh, I know you're gonna love this.
20:43Mm-mm.
20:44See this?
20:45Look at this.
20:47It's unacceptable.
20:48Nothing like punching fish fry.
20:54Well, the boys came through.
20:55We made over $300.
20:58That is more than twice
21:00what the store makes in a week.
21:02That's pathetic.
21:07We've all heard that it's better
21:08to give than receive.
21:10What's a little shine sacrifice
21:12for a great cause?
21:14Free refills?
21:16No refills.