Tickle (2013) Season 1 Episode 1: Whiskey.Windfall
Tickle hits the whiskey windfall - and learns that the best type of business is like a mullet - all business up front, a party filled with moonshine in the back .
#tickle #moonshiners
Tickle hits the whiskey windfall - and learns that the best type of business is like a mullet - all business up front, a party filled with moonshine in the back .
#tickle #moonshiners
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TVTranscript
00:00All right, Tickle, just hold real still.
00:05When you're looking down the barrel of a gun,
00:09suddenly things become a lot more clear.
00:12So when opportunity knocks,
00:14be sure to ask for Two Form's I.D.,
00:16because it's probably just trouble in disguise.
00:24I want to thank all of y'all for gathering here today
00:27to celebrate the life of everybody at Tickle.
00:30I don't know that we'll ever fill the void, everybody.
00:34Tickle always lived life to the fullest.
00:37Let's see what you can do.
00:38Watch out!
00:39Watch, watch!
00:43If you really love your country,
00:45you're gonna have to love moonshine.
00:47Oh!
00:53Despite his best efforts, Tickle's still with us.
00:57So why has he had his own funeral?
01:05Like most things in Tickle's life,
01:07the answer to that question begins with one very, very bad decision.
01:13Moonshine season's over.
01:15That usually means it's time to get a job.
01:18Well, I found something
01:19that can keep me from having to do that this time.
01:22I'm headed over to see my partner, Tim.
01:24I've got something I'm gonna need some help with,
01:27and he'll help me.
01:28He owes me one.
01:30Tickle and Tim have been dedicated partners for years,
01:34but in light of Tickle's recent legal misunderstanding...
01:39...Tim is ready for a little trial separation.
01:43It just seems the news hasn't quite reached Tickle.
01:47Hey.
01:48What are you doing?
01:49Well, I need to talk to you a little bit,
01:51maybe ask some advice, maybe a little help.
01:53You in trouble?
01:54No, no, I ain't in trouble.
01:55Okay.
01:56What kind of help?
01:57Well, I have to tell you what happened first.
01:59I was out hunting the other day,
02:01and I come across this ravine,
02:03and I slipped.
02:04Slipped right down the hill.
02:06Slipped right down the hill.
02:07But I knew I done landed on something.
02:09It was all covered up with tarps and leaves and stuff,
02:12and I'm sitting there like,
02:13what in the world is all this?
02:16I go to pulling all this stuff back.
02:19Oh, man.
02:20All this moonshine was under it.
02:22Well, somebody had it here, I think.
02:24Oh, it's good, too.
02:25So you left it like it was, I guess,
02:27covered it back up.
02:29Well...
02:31It's not there no more.
02:33I got it.
02:34You're crazy.
02:36If they find out that you stole that moonshine,
02:38they not going to go to the law.
02:40I know that.
02:41No, they coming after you.
02:42Well, like I say, don't nobody know I got it,
02:44and I'm trying to keep anybody from knowing right off.
02:46You would not believe this huge pile of moonshine
02:49that I found today.
02:50Nobody knows who got it.
02:51Oh, man.
02:52That's about the craziest thing you ever did yet.
02:54Well, I reckon so.
02:55You know what?
02:56I got it.
02:57I got it.
02:58I got it.
02:59I got it.
03:00I got it.
03:01I got it.
03:02I got it.
03:03I got it.
03:04I got it.
03:05I got it.
03:06I got it.
03:07I got it.
03:08I got it.
03:09I got it.
03:10I got it.
03:11I got it.
03:12I got it.
03:13I got it.
03:14I got it.
03:15I got it.
03:16I got it.
03:17I got it.
03:18I got it.
03:19I got it.
03:20I got it.
03:21I got it.
03:22I got it.
03:23I got it.
03:24I got it.
03:25I got it.
03:26I got it.
03:27And a typical guy, lit by clear advice
03:28and calm, sober judgment.
03:31Woo.
03:33Oh, haha.
03:34Haha.
03:35Sorry, sorry.
03:36That's what I'm talking about.
03:37Good job.
03:38Woo!
03:39Haha!
03:40Woo!
03:41But instead, Tickles calling on his buddies, Howard, and his cousin Moe.
03:43He calls me like his panties on a bunch, brother.
03:45Like someone has going to put kerosene around his ankle.
03:47Heh heh heh.
03:49I call my buddies Howard and Moe because they are two trusted friends.
03:53My buddy Howard, known him for a long time, and I know if it comes down to it and I need
04:02him, he's going to be there when I come.
04:05When he gets like this, it's one of them half-cocked, crazy-ass ideas he's going to come across.
04:10Cockamamie skeet.
04:11You know how he is.
04:12Yeah, I know.
04:13Say you're in a bad mood, Moe is the one you want to be around.
04:15I know how crazy that sucker is.
04:16The first time I met the son of a gun, man, he was talking about, hey, man, can you help
04:21me for a few minutes?
04:22I'm saying, no, I'm over in the damn dumpster digging out a front clip for the damn front
04:25end of a dog.
04:26It is a bad time y'all got here, man.
04:30What's going on?
04:31Man, man.
04:32You all right?
04:33Yeah, man, I'm fine.
04:34He's a knock-over bank.
04:35I might as well have.
04:36I just got to show you.
04:37You're not going to believe it, I'm telling you.
04:39Check this out.
04:40Oh my God.
04:41Yeah, man.
04:42Look at this s***, Moe.
04:43Get in.
04:44What do you think about that?
04:45Don't know what to think, bud.
04:46I think I need to shut the door.
04:48Man, I haven't seen this much moonshine since Moe's Bar Mitzvah, and he ain't even Jewish.
04:53We can't drink all this.
04:54No, we can't drink all this.
04:56Well, is it any good?
04:57Yeah, it's good.
04:58Check it out.
04:59Hell yeah, man.
05:00It'll make my mouth water standing in all this dirt.
05:02Look.
05:03She got a bite?
05:04Yeah, she got a bite.
05:05She good and strong.
05:06Good Lord, man.
05:07That'll split the wig.
05:08Where the hell did you get all this at?
05:09Man, you ain't going to believe it.
05:11So for the second time that day, Tickle recounted his strange and amazing tale.
05:16What about the old lady?
05:17She know?
05:18Tickle talks a good game, but when it comes down to it, Dana laces up the bootstraps around
05:22here.
05:23Tickle!
05:24Tickle!
05:25Tickle!
05:26Tickle!
05:27Hello?
05:28Tickle!
05:29Tickle!
05:30Tickle!
05:31Tickle!
05:32No, she don't know yet.
05:33I ain't told her either.
05:34I said he just found it, man.
05:35Tickle!
05:36Tickle!
05:37Tickle!
05:38Tickle!
05:39Tickle!
05:40Tickle!
05:41Tickle!
05:42Tickle!
05:43Tickle!
05:44Tickle!
05:45Tickle!
05:46Tickle!
05:47Tickle!
05:48Tickle!
05:49Tickle!
05:50Tickle!
05:51Tickle!
05:52Tickle!
05:53Tickle!
05:54Tickle!
05:55Tickle!
05:56Tickle!
05:57Tickle!
05:58Tickle!
05:59Tickle!
06:00Tickle!
06:01Tickle!
06:02Tickle!
06:03Tickle!
06:04Tickle!
06:05Tickle!
06:06Tickle!
06:07Tickle!
06:08Tickle!
06:09Tickle!
06:10Tickle!
06:11Tickle!
06:12Tickle!
06:13Tickle!
06:14Tickle!
06:15What do you say?
06:20I'm not sure about getting involved with Stolen Moonshine.
06:24I mean, it was pretty stupid.
06:26Man this has got to be 80 grand or better I'm sure of it.
06:28I'm hell with it man let's ride.
06:30Let's do it.
06:32Might as well.
06:33Let's do it!
06:34Then again, we've never been accused of being the brightest parents on the bush.
06:36Now the number one rule of being an outlaw is that you never return to the scene of the
06:41crime.
06:42If I'd known we were going this damn deep into the woods I'd have packed a Kula.
06:45But Tickle's never been one for obeying the rules.
06:51This is the spot?
06:52That's where I feel that.
06:54I mean, there's been something in here, that's damn certain.
06:57It's not here no more.
06:58No, maybe somebody else just found it like I did.
07:01No, you wouldn't have took the tarp and everything with you
07:03if you just found it.
07:04You didn't take the tarp?
07:05No, I didn't take it.
07:06I had a tarp here, brother.
07:07If I was the one picking up, I'd leave the tarp.
07:09The owner of this keep got everything.
07:11Old truckload of shine just got took by somebody,
07:14and these two dumbasses over here talking about tarps,
07:17which is short for tarpaling.
07:19Bet you didn't know that.
07:21All I know is who made that shit, who took that shit.
07:24Yeah, and he's looking for the rest of his shit.
07:26When danger comes a knocking, you
07:28got to step up, be a man, and kick it in the ass.
07:32That's what being a man's all about.
07:34I don't know, man.
07:35I just know it was taken.
07:36He didn't wash down this place.
07:37Get out of there, man.
07:38Go, go.
07:39Damn it, Tickle.
07:40Go, go, go, Moe.
07:41Go, damn it.
07:41Come on, man.
07:42Damn it, Tickle.
07:43I can't believe the stuff you get us into.
07:44Come on, go, go, go.
07:45Tickle isn't usually one to run from his problems.
07:48He'd much rather ignore them all together.
07:50Holy cow.
07:52But in this case, running's probably the smartest thing
07:55he's done in a long time.
07:59Oh, my god.
08:00Tickle has commandeered a treasure trove of moonshine.
08:04Damn, did you hear that?
08:04Let's go, man.
08:05But with new partners Howard and Moe running scared,
08:08Tickle is taking his old partner Tim's advice.
08:11You need to take it to somebody else.
08:12Well, like who?
08:13Grandpa Bill.
08:14Maybe he can help us.
08:15He's turning to Grandpa Bill, a true pillar of the community.
08:19Or maybe not.
08:20This ain't no dude you really want to mess with, man.
08:22I'm telling you.
08:23All I know is stories.
08:25And ain't none of them been good.
08:27My dad told me he's still in the war, dude.
08:29You step in the wrong spot in his yard somewhere, boom.
08:32That goes a leg.
08:33He got a damn mine or something in his yard.
08:35I don't know.
08:36You know, his name's Grandpa.
08:37So I mean, how bad a guy could he be?
08:39That man's got freaking ears, dude.
08:42From the war.
08:43He mutilated people.
08:44Little testicles and jaws, man.
08:46Yeah, well, that ain't good.
08:47But time to man up and do what you got to do, I reckon.
08:50Hey, you the man.
08:51Yeah.
08:52Sometimes it just don't pay to be the man, does it?
08:55Holy.
08:57Look at that sign, Tickle.
09:00No trespass.
09:01Violators will be shot.
09:03Survivors will be shot again.
09:04I told you this man was crazy.
09:07All right, well.
09:08I'm going to go talk to this guy.
09:09If I ain't back in 30 minutes, come looking for me.
09:12I'm coming, bro.
09:13All right?
09:14Be careful, man.
09:15I don't even know a damn thing about Bill.
09:17Hell, I made most of that shit up just to get his goat.
09:20Y'all don't tell him, though.
09:21Ha ha ha.
09:26He mutilated people.
09:27Little testicles and jaws, man.
09:29Little testicles and jaws, man.
09:32Hello?
09:33Anybody in there?
09:39You Grandpa Bill?
09:42Not to you.
09:44What do you want from me?
09:46I had a buddy of mine told me you might
09:47could help me out with something.
09:49Who's your buddy?
09:51Well.
09:52Don't tell him I said nothing about it.
09:53I didn't even see it.
09:54It was Tim Smith.
09:57All right, Tim's all right.
09:59I'll see what I can do.
10:00All right.
10:01What kind of problem have you got?
10:03Well, I come across this whole load of shine,
10:06and I kind of just found it out in the woods.
10:08Kind of like stole it out of the woods.
10:10I guess you could say pretty much, yeah, I reckon so.
10:14Well, if I help you out with this,
10:16you owe me a big favor.
10:17Yeah, I understand that.
10:18I definitely owe you one back.
10:20That's for sure.
10:21What's the worst that he could ask?
10:22Might need his truck waxed, his flower garden
10:25weeded or something.
10:26What you need to do is kind of get
10:29you a storefront or something.
10:30I can use that to make the money nice and clean.
10:34Bill goes on to explain the two types of business,
10:36official versus unofficial.
10:39In other words, he should officially
10:41sell wholesome goods for the benefit of the community
10:45and unofficially sell certain other items.
10:49It's kind of like a mullet.
10:50It's all business up front, definitely
10:54a party in the back.
10:56I never started a business or anything.
10:59I mean, you got any idea where I could
11:00even find a storefront?
11:02I'll make a few calls and I'll let you
11:04know something in the morning.
11:05I appreciate your help because I wasn't
11:07sure what I was going to do.
11:08Oh, that wasn't too bad.
11:10Hell, I think Grandpa Bill likes me.
11:12In the meantime, get your little bonnie ass
11:14off of my property.
11:16All right.
11:18A man of destiny takes life by the horns,
11:23which in Tickle's case means cracking a cold one
11:26and waiting for the phone to ring.
11:28Grrr.
11:30Ah!
11:35Grandpa Bill called me this morning.
11:37He told me to come over here and see this woman named Penny.
11:40He said she'd be a real estate agent that I could trust.
11:45Um.
11:46Good morning.
11:47How you doing today?
11:48I couldn't be better.
11:49How about you?
11:50I'm doing OK.
11:51I kind of find it hard to believe that Grandpa Bill
11:53comes here on a regular basis because it really don't
11:55look like his kind of place.
11:57Are you Penny?
11:58I sure am.
11:59I was told that you might be able to help
12:01me out with some real estate.
12:03Well, I probably could do that.
12:05Give me just a minute.
12:06All right.
12:12How you doing?
12:15All right.
12:16Now, tell me what it is you're looking for.
12:19Well, I was kind of looking for a storefront.
12:22OK.
12:23I need to finish up these ladies' hair today,
12:25and then maybe I can show you some property.
12:27OK.
12:28All right.
12:28Could you wait over there for me?
12:29Sure.
12:31When Bill sends someone over to me,
12:32I don't ask any questions.
12:35You know, this is not my kind of place to begin with.
12:38There's all sorts of smells, and I'm
12:41in here with all these women.
12:43I've tried that recipe before.
12:44It's good.
12:45And different things that I don't even know what they do.
12:48Is it hot under there?
12:49I hear it dries your hair, but I don't know what it does.
12:52Far as I know, it can suck your brain out.
12:56Sorry.
12:58I'm ready.
12:58How about you?
12:59Yeah, yeah.
13:00I'm ready, too.
13:01All right.
13:03Now, to rent a commercial property,
13:05one would usually need things like a favorable credit
13:08history.
13:09Well, I don't really have any credit.
13:11And a clean record with the law.
13:13Uh, there have been a couple incidents.
13:16And a bank account, and a business plan,
13:18or even a business.
13:19You know what, I've got a perfect building in mind.
13:22But that's where Bill comes in.
13:25All right.
13:26This is one of our finer properties
13:28here in the Gretna area.
13:29It's very open and spacious, so you'd
13:31have plenty of room to sell whatever
13:33it is you need to sell.
13:34This place would be fine if I wanted a bowling alley.
13:37No matter how long a room is, people
13:39are going to notice if there's a pile of shine in the back of it.
13:42This property comes with a warehouse
13:45that will be included in the rent.
13:47Walk around the corner if you want to go see it.
13:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:50Sounds good.
13:51All right, let's go.
13:53As you can see, it's a little bit rundown.
13:55It's dirty, it's nasty, it needs lots of work.
13:58Yeah, I like it.
14:00You do?
14:01Yeah, this is actually really going to suit
14:03my purposes really good.
14:04I'd lease a cardboard box if it came with a free warehouse.
14:08Awesome, you have made my day.
14:09Come on, let's go.
14:10All right.
14:10Tickle is well on his way to becoming a veritable captain
14:14of industry.
14:15He's called a meeting with the board members
14:17to decide just what kind of industry
14:19he aims to be captain of.
14:22See, I don't care if this store really even makes a dime,
14:24because then we got to deal with customers.
14:26And to hell with that, man.
14:27I got the perfect business, man.
14:29What?
14:29Like a damn movie store.
14:31We can rent VHSs, you know what I mean?
14:32No one even owns a VCR anymore.
14:34We're going to have some old fart come in there asking,
14:37can you get this movie for me?
14:38And all that kind of crap.
14:39Oh, yeah, looking for the Matlock series or something.
14:42Yeah, looking for Matlock, a murder she wrote.
14:44Exactly.
14:45That's right.
14:46Oh, you'd be looking for Golden Girls.
14:48Well, you know, they're for my mama only, though, you know.
14:51Heck, everybody knows I wouldn't go in a video store
14:53and rent Golden Girls.
14:55I already got the Blu-ray.
14:57We can run a massage parlor, make Howard head my suits.
15:00Hey, you can give him massages.
15:01Is the happy ending required?
15:04He got to be happy, I don't know about you.
15:05He got to be happy.
15:06Yeah, exactly.
15:09We're fishing, man.
15:10Why don't we open up a little tackle store?
15:12Tackle shops sound good to me.
15:14We could sell rods and reels and maybe some bait and stuff.
15:18You've got to come up with a poppin' name,
15:19something that just stands out.
15:21What do we call this thing?
15:22Tickles, Tackle, and Treasure.
15:24Well, what the frickin' frack is the treasure?
15:26The poles?
15:28Oh, man, man, man, dude.
15:31This is a great idea, for real.
15:32I think this is the best damn idea since the massage parlor.
15:35Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
15:37ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:39It's Grandpa Bill.
15:41Hello?
15:43Well, if I help you out with this, you're going to owe me a big favour.
15:46Tickle doesn't have a clue what's in store for him.
15:51But if ignorance is bliss, why does he look so nervous?
15:59I've got to now woke up not knowing how I got there,
16:02where I was at, go outside and look,
16:04and somebody else's car's outside.
16:06Where they at? Where they at?
16:09Who or the hell did I wind up with this thing?
16:11Oh, God, did I steal it or not?
16:13Exactly.
16:14And then I start thinking, where the hell is my vehicle?
16:16Where was the last place I was at?
16:18You're famous for that anyway.
16:19Exactly. How did I get naked and how did I get home?
16:22That is the start to a bad morning.
16:24It is.
16:27Having found a home for his shine, I mean, his business...
16:31Yeah, I like it.
16:32You do?
16:33...Tickle's prospects are flying high.
16:36It's Grandpa Bill.
16:37But one phone call has him crashing back down to earth.
16:42And over to Grandpa Bill's.
16:44I knew I was coming down here to talk to Bill.
16:47He wanted me to repay my favour.
16:49Bill.
16:50Well, looky here.
16:51How's it going?
16:55You're late.
16:56I had no idea the guy owned a gun shop.
16:59Well, I wasn't sure where you was going to be at,
17:01so, you know, where this place was, but I found it.
17:05You know that favour that you owe me?
17:08Yeah, yeah, I hadn't forgot about it.
17:09I'm going to cash it in today.
17:12OK.
17:14Boys, you all ready?
17:22Hold your fire.
17:25Well, I'll be.
17:26Kind of getting the feeling these guys ain't here
17:28to watch me wash Bill's truck.
17:30What have you got going on here?
17:31I've been telling my friends that Bill here
17:33could do some mighty fine shooting.
17:35Well, ain't too bad with a rifle myself.
17:38It gets more interesting as it goes on.
17:40I'm betting that Bill can shoot a cigarette
17:43out of somebody's mouth.
17:45Well, I'd like to see that myself,
17:47but who's the dumbass going to be that volunteers
17:50to sit down there with a cigarette in their mouth?
17:52You know that favour you owe me?
17:56Yeah, I don't like where this is going.
17:57All I can keep thinking about is a bunch of testicles in jars.
18:02I hate to see what he wants when somebody
18:04starts asking to move or something.
18:05I mean, we all hate that.
18:17All right, Tickle, just hold real still.
18:20I guess I might have to kiss my lips goodbye.
18:22How would you even do that?
18:31Whoo!
18:32Not bad.
18:34Yeah, that was close.
18:36Nah, that wasn't close.
18:37I've been a whole lot closer before.
18:39Well, that was close enough for me.
18:41That was close enough for you, boy.
18:42Yes, it was.
18:43I just got a cigarette shot out of my mouth.
18:46That cigarette paid your debt for you.
18:48That just goes to prove, if you really put your mind to it,
18:50you can do anything.
18:55This guy sounds crazy as hell.
18:57I mean, what the hell are you messing with a man
18:58like that for anyhow?
18:59Well, sometimes when you get yourself
19:01in situations like this, you got to deal
19:03with people you wouldn't normally deal with.
19:05Now, if Tickle wasn't so busy sipping shine
19:08and telling tales, which should really be
19:10left to professional narrators.
19:12So you know what I went to?
19:14He might have remembered one important detail.
19:18What is all of this?
19:20The lady of the house.
19:21Oh, come on.
19:24Hey, Dana.
19:25How's it going?
19:26Get it up and get it out of here.
19:28We got you. We'll get it.
19:29We got you.
19:30I'm going to my sister's house, and I'll
19:32get back.
19:33All of this better be out.
19:34You know what?
19:35You ruin all kinds of stuff.
19:36You know that.
19:36I'm going to ruin you in a minute.
19:37Get out with it.
19:38Yeah, well, whatever.
19:39I mean, really.
19:40I know Dana's got to have some space.
19:42But if I get caught out here, man,
19:44she's going to have plenty of space for the next 10 years.
19:47You want a sip?
19:48I got your old lady's number.
19:49Get it out.
19:50Lord, cousin.
19:51Lose my lady's number.
19:53Lord have mercy.
19:56What was you thinking, Tickle?
19:57I mean, you know the old lady's going to raise hell.
19:59What else do you want me to do?
20:00It'd be nice if she'd known about it.
20:01All right.
20:02I think that's about it.
20:03Let's get the hell out of here.
20:05Woo, boys.
20:06Let's get this stuff in a safe spot.
20:09Buckle up.
20:09It's the law.
20:13It was funny as hell.
20:14Watch her give you s**t.
20:16Yeah.
20:19Got somebody coming behind us here.
20:21Dude, what?
20:22Somebody behind us.
20:24Oh, you're praying on him.
20:25Well, they steal somebody behind us.
20:28What's it look like, mo-cop, or what?
20:29It looks like a pickup truck here, like me, man.
20:32This could be the guy I got this shine from, man.
20:35Oh, s**t.
20:36CIA can't find something that s**t fast.
20:38Well, you never know, man.
20:40It's a small town.
20:44I kind of just found it out in the woods.
20:46And, like, stole it out of the woods.
20:47Somebody's going to be coming looking for this, though, man.
20:49If they find out that you stole that moonshine,
20:51they not going to go to the law.
20:54They following us right now, man.
20:56I'm telling you right now.
20:57Go, Tickle. Get out of here, man.
20:58You got to shake them like a shaky bank, baby.
21:00I agree.
21:01I agree 100%.
21:03Just because you're paranoid don't mean
21:05they're not out to get you.
21:06But if somebody is out to get you,
21:09you better have some good friends
21:10around to watch your back.
21:12Oh, Lord, they on our ass.
21:15Holy.