Red Dwarf - The Inquisitor (Extended)
no, i didnt do any of the missing effects for the time gauntlet, shut your up
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:30Thomas Olman. Thomas Olman, you have been found unworthy of having existed.
00:51Is that you, Mother?
00:53Your life and all memory of you will be wiped from this tree.
00:58The void you occupied in the space-time continuum will be allocated to a person who was never given the gift of life.
01:07May they spend their time more wisely.
01:12But, but, why me? There must be others who live worthless lives.
01:16All will be judged.
01:20It is complete. All that remains is to do with your physical form.
01:28Sorry to disturb you, sir. Reality control.
01:42Coffee, sir. Double caffeinated, quadruple sugar.
01:46Coffee, sir. Double caffeinated, quadruple sugar.
01:49Nice one.
01:50Ah, Virgil's Aeneid.
01:52Oh, the epic tale of Agamemnon's pursuit of Helen of Troy.
01:55The most classic work by the greatest Latin poet who ever put quill to parchment.
01:59Yeah, it's the comic book version.
02:01Oh, really?
02:02It's good, though, man. It's absolutely full of history.
02:05Zap, pow, ker-splat, die in bed, you Trojan pig-dog, guignard.
02:11I see they've remained faithful to the original text. I'm sure Virgil would have approved.
02:15Crichton, don't discourage him. It's the only thing he's ever read that doesn't have lift-up flaps.
02:22I don't know, though. This wooden horse of Troy malarkey. I'm not buying that.
02:26You're not buying it?
02:28It's one of the most famous military manoeuvres in history.
02:31It doesn't make sense. It's totally pony.
02:33I mean, the Greeks have been camped outside Troy.
02:36Kapow and zap and ker-splat and the Trojans for the best part of a decade, yeah.
02:40So?
02:41So all of a sudden they wake up one morning and the Greeks have gone.
02:44And they're outside the city walls. They've left this gift.
02:47This tribute to their valiant foes.
02:49A huge wooden horse.
02:51Just large enough to happily contain 500 Greeks in full battle dress
02:55and still leave adequate room for toilet facilities.
02:59Are you telling me that not one Trojan goes,
03:02That's a bit of a funny prezzie.
03:04What's wrong with a couple of hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave?
03:07No, they don't. They just wheel it in and all decide to go for an early night.
03:12People that stupid deserve to be kapow, zapped and ker-splatted in their beds.
03:17They deserve to have their throats cut and their guts splited across four panels.
03:21You know what the big joke is?
03:23From this particular phase in history we derive the phrase,
03:25Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
03:27Wouldn't it be much more logical to derive the phrase,
03:29Beware of Trojans that complete smaggots?
03:33Well, thank you, A.J.P. Taylor.
03:35And next week the learned historian takes us his theme,
03:38Hannibal's European campaign and the invention of the elephant poop scoop.
03:44Actually, sir, I find the Trojan example apposite.
03:47Humans accept as truth all kinds of so-called facts which are blatantly preposterous.
03:52Like what?
03:53Well, the list is endless.
03:54It ranges from the notion that it can be too cold to snow,
03:57or that bold men are more virile,
04:00or that touching wood can ward off bad luck,
04:02right through to the absurd notion that there is an afterlife for human beings.
04:06I mean, let's face it, you humans believe any old crud.
04:10Whereas there is, of course, silicon heaven where all dead androids go.
04:14I know it's hard for you to accept, sir,
04:16that while humans have all the advantages in this life,
04:18mechanoids have them in the next, but that's just the way it is.
04:21But I can show you the page in your manual
04:23that explains you're fitted with a silicon heaven belief chip
04:26to give you suckering adversity.
04:29A page planted by non-believers to give us faith.
04:34What was that?
04:35Strange, we've changed course.
04:38Are you sure, Holly? There's no course change programmed.
04:42And again.
04:44Mark one eight zero, that's a complete turn.
04:46We're heading back to Red Dwarf.
04:48Give me manual help.
04:50We're locked out.
04:51This is not a malfunction, there's something controlling the craft.
04:54Holly, any traffic around?
04:56Nothing on the local scan.
04:58Widening sweep.
04:59Nope.
05:01Getting zippity.
05:02This isn't possible, there must be...
05:04I'm in possession of a human known as Lister.
05:07Do not attempt to resist me.
05:09What happened to him? His voice finally break?
05:13Who are you?
05:14Tremble at my pain, for I am the Inquisitor.
05:18The Inquisitor?
05:19Your vessel is under my control.
05:22It will return you to your mothership where you will face judgment.
05:26You will each present a case to justify your existences.
05:30If you fail, you will be deleted.
05:36Are you okay, sir?
05:37God, I think so.
05:40A little bit shaky.
05:41I think we should run you through the Metascan, though, just as a precaution.
05:44Yeah, okay.
05:49Sir Crichton, you've heard of this Inquisitor?
05:52Only as a myth, a dark fable, a horror tale,
05:56told across the flickering embers of a midnight fire,
05:59wherever hardened space dogs gather to drink fermented vegetable products
06:04and compete in tales of blood-chilling terror.
06:09A simple yes would have sufficed.
06:12So who is he?
06:13Yeah, what's his beef?
06:16So who is he?
06:17Yeah, what's his beef?
06:18Well, the legend tells of a droid,
06:20a self-repairing simulant who survives to the end of eternity,
06:24to the end of time itself.
06:26After millions of years alone,
06:28he finally reaches the conclusion that there is no God,
06:32no afterlife,
06:33and the only purpose of existence is to lead a worthwhile life.
06:37And so the droid constructs a time machine
06:40and roams eternity,
06:41visiting every single soul in history and assessing each one.
06:44He erases all those who wasted their lives
06:47and replaces them with those that never had a chance of life.
06:50The unfertilized eggs, the sperms that never made it.
06:54That is the Inquisitor.
06:56He prunes away the wastrels, expunges the wretched,
06:59and deletes the worthless.
07:01We're in big trouble.
07:03May I ask you to say what's worthless?
07:05Oh, please.
07:06Take a look in the mirror.
07:07Read your entry in Who's Nobody?
07:11Oh, really?
07:12Who's to judge?
07:13Who's to say what's worthwhile?
07:15Well, let's face it, Listie.
07:16Lying on your bunk reading Wattbike
07:18and eating sugar puff sandwiches for eight hours every day
07:21is unlikely to qualify.
07:23It's just because I haven't written any symphonies
07:25or painted the Sistine Chapel that makes me prunable.
07:27No, being a totally worthless,
07:29unwashed space bum, that's what makes you prunable.
07:32Precisely.
07:33The criterion is not fame.
07:34It is simply to have lived a worthwhile life.
07:38Why did no one mention this before?
07:43If I'd been told about this at the start,
07:45that the object was to lead a worthwhile life,
07:47I could have done something about it.
07:49All those charity telethons
07:51when I used to ring in and pledge donations.
07:54If I'd known all this,
07:55I would have given them my credit card number.
07:59Sir, sir, you don't have to be a great philanthropist
08:02or a missionary worker.
08:03You simply have to seize the gift of life.
08:06Oh, God.
08:07Make a contribution.
08:08Oh, God.
08:09No matter how small.
08:10Oh, God.
08:11You simply have to have led a life
08:12that wasn't totally egocentric, vain and self-serving.
08:15You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
08:18I'm just trying to make you feel better, sir.
08:20Well, shut up, then.
08:22Hang on a minute.
08:23Why should we take any notice of some half-crazed rogue robot
08:26who's appointed himself judge and jury to the whole of humanity?
08:29Why should we kowtow to his judgement?
08:31Because I have the power to sack your body in two like a dry reed.
08:36Good answer, man, good answer.
08:47Listen, a word to the wise.
08:49If we were somehow able to render Lister unconscious
08:51while he's possessed by the Inquisitor,
08:53we might be able to get out of this mess.
08:55You're broadcasting on my music channel, buddy.
08:59OK, we're down. What now?
09:00Follow the one called Lister and I will reveal myself.
09:04How has she stopped doing that?
09:09Do you realise what's going to happen if he finds us guilty?
09:12He's going to completely erase us from history.
09:14Every trace of us will completely vanish.
09:18But won't the erasure of one of us from the space-time continuum
09:21play havoc with causality?
09:23Surely that's one for the Inquisitor.
09:25It is quite simple.
09:26By inserting time clamps around your destiny lines,
09:29I can erase you without damage to the space-time continuum.
09:33Oh, sir, sir, what are you doing?
09:35It's the only way, bud.
09:36No, I cannot allow it.
09:44Do you take me for a fool?
09:46Have you no conception of my power?
09:50See me how you can tremble.
09:54The Inquisition begins.
09:56Prove to me you are worthy of the honour of life.
09:59Or drink deeply from the well of nothingness for all eternity.
10:04I hate these either-or questions.
10:07Who is to be first?
10:09Lister.
10:12The hologram.
10:14You shall be first.
10:16Pablo?
10:18Sir?
10:19You have been granted the greatest gift of all.
10:23The gift of life.
10:26Tell me, what have you done to deserve this superlative good fortune?
10:34Well, I say this with the highest respect,
10:37but what gives you the right to ask...
10:41No, actually demand that answer of me,
10:44What gives you the right to ask...
10:46No, actually demand that answer of me, your magnificence?
10:52All must answer to the Inquisitor.
10:57But how do I know I'll get a fair hearing?
11:00Because, like all who stand before the Inquisitor,
11:05your judge shall be...
11:09Yourself!
11:12Oh, smeg.
11:13Oh, smeg indeed, matey.
11:16Everyone is judged by their own self?
11:19It's a bit metaphysical, I know, but it's the only fair way.
11:22Now then, justify yourself.
11:25Well, first, I...
11:27Liar!
11:29I've done good things.
11:30No, you haven't.
11:31In my heart, I've always tried to do good things.
11:34No, you didn't.
11:36Look, in my way, I've tried to lead a good life.
11:38When?
11:39When?
11:42Ah! What's that in the corner?
11:43It's the Archangel Gabriel!
11:45Well, that's me converted. I'm a new man. Hallelujah.
11:48You are a slimy, despicable, rat-hearted, green discharge of a man, aren't you?
11:55Well, sort of, yes.
11:57So then, justify yourself.
12:00What else could I have been?
12:02My father was a half-crazed military failure.
12:05My mother was a bitch queen from hell.
12:07My brothers had all the looks and talent.
12:09And what did I have?
12:10Unmanageable hair and ingrowing toenails.
12:14Yes, I admit I'm nothing.
12:16But from what I started with,
12:18nothing is up.
12:22Hi, buddy.
12:24This is your judgment day, bud.
12:26I gotta be cruel. There can't be no favors.
12:29I'm hearing you on FM.
12:32I have to ask you the question.
12:34Justify your existence.
12:36What contribution have you made?
12:39I've given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass.
12:44Well, that's true.
12:45Can I go now?
12:47If that's your case, you need more.
12:50Some may say that's a pretty shallow argument.
12:52Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy,
12:54but a shallow guy with a great ass.
12:57Sometimes you astonish even me.
13:03Well, Kryton, justify yourself.
13:06I'm not sure I can.
13:08But surely your life is replete with good works.
13:11There can be few individuals who have lived a more selfless life.
13:15But I am programmed to live unselfishly.
13:17And therefore, any good works I do come not out of fine motives,
13:20but as a result of a series of binary commands I am compelled to obey.
13:25Well, then how can any mechanical justify himself?
13:28Perhaps only if he attempted to break his programming
13:31and conduct his life according to a set of values he arrived at independently.
13:35Your argument invites deletion.
13:37The rules are yours, not mine.
13:39Do you wish to be erased?
13:41Well, I am programmed not to wish for anything.
13:43I serve.
13:44In a human, this behavior might be considered stubborn.
13:48But I am not human.
13:49And neither are you.
13:51And it is not our place to judge them.
13:54I wonder why you do.
13:57Enough.
14:01Well.
14:03Get out of this one, smeghead.
14:06What are you talking about?
14:07You know what you could have made of your life if you tried.
14:11What you could have become.
14:12So?
14:13You've got brains, man.
14:15Brains you've never used.
14:17So?
14:18So justify yourself.
14:21Spin on it.
14:27The inquisition is over.
14:30I have reached my verdict.
14:32Two of you have failed to become that which you might so easily have been.
14:38You have lived without merit.
14:40So have not lived at all.
14:45You scum.
14:46You've wiped them out.
14:47Sir.
14:48It's crazy, Crichton.
14:49It's a race to cat and ribbit.
14:51They are quite safe.
14:52Sir.
14:54I'm afraid it is we who are to be erased.
14:57Ah.
15:02The cat has led a more worthwhile life than either of us.
15:04He is a shallow and selfish creature.
15:07As is the hologram.
15:09By their own low standards they have acquitted themselves.
15:12Whereas you and the mechanoid could have been so much more.
15:18Well, I'm afraid it's goodbye, sir.
15:20And seeing as we are to be totally erased from history, it's not even au revoir.
15:24It's more like jamais au revoir.
15:29What's this?
15:30Best guess, we are being surgically removed from time.
15:33Every memory of us, every action we ever performed is being dissolved.
15:37Our lives are being undone.
15:39It is complete.
15:40The timelines are knitted.
15:42Causality is sealed.
15:44All that remains is to remove your physical forms from existence.
15:49Well, you've got some amazing secret plan up your sleeve, Crichton.
15:53Now's the time to mention it.
15:55No plan, sir.
15:57No sleeves.
16:01Perfect.
16:02Now, what did I do next?
16:07I'm terribly sorry.
16:15Now, hurry.
16:16Take the gauntlet and go.
16:18What the smeg is going on?
16:20I don't have time to explain.
16:22I've come from the future to rescue you.
16:23Now you must go.
16:24Hurry.
16:25What about thee?
16:26I mean you.
16:27I mean us.
16:28I'm afraid we get killed.
16:30Killed?
16:31How?
16:32While I'm standing here explaining this to you, the Inquisitor jumps me from behind like this.
16:37And attempts to turn my head into an origami boat.
16:41You can't save me.
16:42I will expire in a little under 20 seconds.
16:45At which time, he will retrieve the gauntlet, dismantle this time trap, and pursue you.
16:50Now, before you get to the final confrontation in the storage bay, you must decode the gauntlet's controls.
16:58How?
16:59Can you give us a clue?
17:00Well, I cannot explain.
17:02For some bizarre reason, my final words are Enig.
17:06Enig.
17:07Enig.
17:09Yeah.
17:10Enig.
17:12Come on, sir.
17:13We have to go.
17:14You killed your client, sir.
17:15We have to go.
17:32You are not registered as personnel of this vessel.
17:35Please state your name and clearance code.
17:37It was all.
17:38Please state your name and clearance code.
17:40Step D, triple zero, one six nine.
17:43I have no record of your palm print.
17:46Intruder alert.
17:47Intruder initiating override.
17:49Please state your name and clearance code.
17:51Logon name Kryten.
17:52Registration code additional zero zero one.
17:55I have no record of your CPU ID.
17:57Oh, we don't exist here anymore.
17:59Actually, more correctly, sir, we don't ever have existed here before.
18:03Though this is hardly the time to be conjugating temporal verbs in the past impossible never tense.
18:09Tear gas.
18:14Ah!
18:18I can't breathe, Kryten.
18:19I can't see.
18:20Oh, of course.
18:21I keep forgetting you need to do those things, sir.
18:26Oh, thank God it's you guys.
18:29Move so much as an eyebrow boy in your dog meat.
18:31What? It's us.
18:32Who are you people and what do you want?
18:34Rimet, it's me.
18:35How do you know my name?
18:36Don't fall for that one, bud.
18:37He read it on your uniform.
18:38Sir, they've never met us before.
18:40We are limbo people between realities.
18:42They have no memory of us.
18:44So, I'm going to ask you one more time.
18:46What do you want?
18:47We're not the enemy.
18:48There's a guy around here somewhere wandering around obliterating people from history.
18:53We used to be your shipmates.
18:55Only we've forgotten you.
18:57Yet.
18:58Well, I don't know about you, but I'm convinced.
19:01Rimet, I know you.
19:03Well, if you do know me, you'll know I'm the kind of rough and tumble, hardened astro, ex-marine type guy you do not try to...
19:11No, you're not.
19:13For the last time, I've asked you...
19:14Fiona Barrington, 15 years of age.
19:17You got off with her in your dad's greenhouse.
19:19You thought you got lucky, but it turned out all the time that you had your hand in warm compost.
19:26How can I know that and not know you?
19:28Not true.
19:30You've got three brothers, John, Howard and Frank.
19:32You're really mean with money.
19:33You're a tremendous physical coward.
19:35You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard and four people committed suicide.
19:40Your middle name's Judas, but you tell everyone that it's Jonathan.
19:43You sign all your official letters A.J. Rimet, B.S.C.
19:46And B.S.C. stands for Bronze Swimming Certificate.
19:50You're a cheating, weasley, lowlife scumbucket with all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse.
19:57Gotta admit, bud, I got a handle on you there.
20:02Sirs, you've got to help us.
20:03The Inquisitor will stop at nothing to obliterate us.
20:07Who the smeg are these guys, Rimet?
20:10Never mind who the smeg are these guys.
20:12Who the smeg are you?
20:13I the smeg am Lister.
20:15Of course he's the alternative you.
20:17One of the many David Listers who never got a chance to exist.
20:22So we're kind of spames in law?
20:25Yes, sir.
20:26Delicately put, sir.
20:28So that's it, then? That's it?
20:30This guy's got my life.
20:31I've got no one's life.
20:32This is my life.
20:33Yeah, but your life's my life.
20:35My life?
20:36Hope you're enjoying it, pal.
20:37I'm enjoying it plenty, thanks.
20:39What is he on about?
20:40So what do we do with them?
20:41I say waste them.
20:42Rimet, for smeg's sake.
20:46Such a dork, mate.
20:47You're telling me.
20:48Look, they come here with some cock and bull story.
20:50They're chained together like Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis.
20:53I say open the door to oblivion and kick them through.
20:56Rimet, no one's killing no one, all right?
20:58Yeah, right.
20:59Look, they're from some freaky alternative dimension.
21:02They've come here to hijack this ship
21:04and do, ooh, weird things to us.
21:06I think we should take the lift, put them on the security deck
21:09and stick them in the brig.
21:10I hate to say it,
21:11but for once Trans Am Wheel Arch Nostrils is right.
21:14Come on, get moving.
21:15What did you call me?
21:18Look, man, you know the score.
21:20Why do I know the score?
21:22Because you're mean.
21:23We're shot from the same gun barrel.
21:25Only difference is one did breaststroke, one did crawl.
21:30What are you trying to say?
21:32I'm saying...
21:36Watch it, guys!
21:45Quick, quick!
21:54Come on, let's go!
21:55Let's go back! Go back!
21:57Oh, my God.
22:00I can use this.
22:01Come on, go!
22:04Get down to the transport decks.
22:06Maybe we can nick one of the starbugs and get out of town.
22:09Uh-oh, door. We'd better use an air vent.
22:11No need.
22:12Sir?
22:13Look, I'm going to do something now.
22:15I don't want you to look. Turn around.
22:17What?
22:18Trust me, you don't want to know.
22:30Logically, sir,
22:31there is only one way you could possibly have opened that door.
22:34I feel quite nauseous.
22:37Where is it?
22:38Where's what?
22:39Oh, sir, you've got it in your jacket!
22:43I got it out of a hole, didn't I?
22:45Sir, you are sick!
22:46You are a sick, sick person!
22:49How could you possibly even conceive of such an idea?
22:51Shut up!
22:52I'll beat you to death with the wet end.
22:55Sir, if mechanoids could barf, I'd be under my fifth bag by now.
22:58You're a sick person!
22:59Come on!
23:00Sick!
23:06Sir, sir, sir,
23:08those manacles are made from dimanium,
23:10the toughest alloy in the known universe.
23:13It's completely pointless to keep pounding away at them
23:16with a domestic ball-peen hammer.
23:20Sir, it's completely pointless you being angry about my death.
23:23May I suggest you better apply your pent-up aggression
23:26to the solution of the various conundra which now face us?
23:33What's the point?
23:34Why am I trying to get out of this?
23:36We already know we fail.
23:37Not so, sir.
23:38All we know is that I died.
23:40Now, if my small gambit ultimately results in your safety,
23:43then it will be a move well made.
23:45For myself, death holds no fear.
23:47Oh, yeah.
23:48Sir, I am programmed to relinquish my life.
23:51That's why the mechanoid 4000 series was voted
23:54Android of the Year, five years running.
23:57I have as much interest in saving my own life
23:59as a chronically depressed lemming.
24:03That's not true, is it?
24:04Sir?
24:05Not any more.
24:06It's all because of me.
24:07It's my fault.
24:09I made you break your programming.
24:11I taught you how to lie,
24:13how to make your own decisions,
24:15made you more...
24:17more human.
24:20I gave you a life to lose.
24:22Sir, with the greatest respect,
24:24that is complete and utter shash.
24:27Triton, I know when you're lying,
24:29your right foot jiggles.
24:31It's involuntary.
24:33Nonsense.
24:35I'm not afraid to die.
24:38For me, death holds no fear.
24:41I believe in silicon head.
24:43I believe in an afterlife for androids.
24:45Haven't you gone through those damn manacles yet, Triton?
24:48Triton!
24:51I'm not going to let it happen, man.
24:53Cause and effect, sir, it already has happened.
24:55There's nothing we can do except to try and save your life.
24:58OK, now, I think I have this.
25:00It's a variant of the Enigma decoding system.
25:02Enigma, Enig, Enigma.
25:04Enig, of course.
25:05My last words.
25:07Well, anyway, if this thing works,
25:09it should age those manacles by half a million years.
25:12If it doesn't work?
25:13It'll wipe out the universe.
25:18Phew, what now?
25:20Well, now, we have the power.
25:24OK, we don't know who you are,
25:26but we've seen enough of the other dude
25:27to know we want to be on your side.
25:29He killed our two crewmates in cold blood.
25:31He's a monster.
25:32I'm the cat, this is Rimmer.
25:33Yeah, Mr Triton.
25:35Look, I want to make it clear,
25:36I'm not exactly in love with the idea of pitching in with you two,
25:38but needs must as the devil drives.
25:40You really don't remember me, do you?
25:42Everything I used to do used to get on your pecs.
25:45Like I'd just be trimming me toenails
25:47with a meat carver or something.
25:49And you'd go absolutely spare.
25:51Sir, we really must get down to the storage bay.
25:53Now, remember my message to us.
25:55That is where we meet the Inquisitor
25:57for the final confrontation.
25:58That's your plan?
25:59We go out there and face him?
26:01Nice plan.
26:02Shall I paint a bull's eye on my face?
26:05Listen, Grighton, I've been thinking about this.
26:07I've come up with something.
26:08Yes, sir?
26:09I'm going to use my brains for the first time in my life.
26:11Considering the circumstances, sir,
26:13do you really believe that's wise?
26:15Give me the time, couldn't they?
26:16But you don't know how to use it, sir.
26:18You'll have to shout out instructions, won't you?
26:20Wouldn't it be simpler if I wore it?
26:22You can't wear it, Grighton.
26:23Why not?
26:24You're programmed not to kill.
26:34So, the mortals seek to challenge my master.
26:38What?
26:44Grighton, I don't know how to wear this thing.
26:46Gamma, delta, one, four, five.
27:03Smeg, you use me?
27:05The sport begins.
27:08Now what the smeg have you done to me?
27:15Excuse me, could I just distract you for a brief second?
27:30Excuse me, could I possibly just distract you for just a brief second?
27:35It was the best I could ad-lib at the time, sir.
27:40You've got the cat in the rimmer, though.
27:42I know.
27:44Look, sir, I've got to go back in time
27:47and sacrifice myself in order that we can get into this mess we're in now in the first place.
27:53Yeah, sure.
27:55All in all, today's been a bit of a bummer, hasn't it, sir?
27:59How long do you put it in the freezer? Ten minutes?
28:01No, 8.4.
28:04You'd better be right, Grighton.
28:06I know.
28:07Gauntlets.
28:10Now, what do I say when I pop up behind the Inquisitor?
28:14Ah, perfect. Now, what do you want...
28:16That's it, yeah, that's it. I know, I've got it. Don't tell me, don't tell me. I've got it, I've got it.
28:23Okay, big fella, it's dangling time.
28:28Welcome back online.
28:30What are you doing?
28:33One way or the other,
28:35you killed a lot of my friends this afternoon.
28:39In fact,
28:41you may never get on my good side again.
28:50So now you're going to kill me.
28:53I don't think so.
28:55You're a fat little human, don't have the balls.
28:59It's dumb talk for a guy who's dangling over a chasm.
29:03I've seen inside your heart.
29:05You don't have any.
29:08Oh, yeah?
29:11Bet you like it.
29:17I was right.
29:19No, you were wrong.
29:21I never intended to kill you.
29:23Oh, no?
29:24Oh, no?
29:31I intended to save your life.
29:34Save my life?
29:37Why?
29:38Because if you kill me,
29:40then I won't be there to save your life,
29:42and you'll die.
29:45Sure enough, pal.
29:51You're giving me my gauntlet?
29:53I'm okay now.
29:55Can't touch me.
29:57Might have killed the others, but I'm safe.
30:00Oh, just one thing.
30:02If I do erase you from history,
30:04then you won't have been around to threaten my life in the first place.
30:08That's a point.
30:09So, in fact, I can erase you quite safely.
30:14Yeah?
30:16Yeah!
30:18It's the old backfiring time gauntlet trick.
30:22You just bought yourself a one-way ticket to oblivion.
30:25You can't!
30:26All my work, all my glorious work will be undone!
30:29I'm counting on that, pal.
30:32Perhaps it'll teach you to call me a fat little human.
30:39It worked.
30:40It worked?
30:42Crichton, you're a genius.
30:44It was your scheme, sir.
30:46I merely reprogrammed the gauntlet.
30:48So what happens now?
30:50Basically, we wait for the time-space continuum to reorder itself.
30:56Sir, I believe this is an appropriate junction for you to give me five.
31:00Give you five, Crichton?
31:01I can do better than that.
31:03I can give you fifteen.
31:19Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
31:25I want to lie, shipwrecked in comatose.
31:28Drinking fresh mango juice.
31:31Goldfish shows nibbling at my toes.
31:35Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
31:42Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
31:49Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
32:19I have to say, watching it back, I just fell in love with Crichton all over again.