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Taskmaster AU S03E01

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Transcript
00:00Nooooooooooooooooooo!
00:14We slayed it!
00:27Is this good television?
00:30Welcome one and all to the third season of Taskmaster Australia.
00:42The deities that run Channel 10 have blessed us with another opportunity to present a season
00:48of triumphant pratfalls to you, the humble viewer, watching with your family huddled
00:53around the television, or more likely, on your phone in the toilet at work.
00:58My name is Tom Gleeson and I believe no person should be defined by their job, unless that
01:02job is my job.
01:04And my job is being the Taskmaster.
01:06Over the next ten episodes, five comedians will try to impress me by completing a series
01:15of highly intricate tasks.
01:17These tasks will test various life skills such as intelligence, hand-eye coordination
01:22and not being a dipshit.
01:24At the end, one of them will win a prize which will make them both the envy of their
01:29peers and a target for international art thieves.
01:32It's my big old, head-painted gold.
01:35Now, let us savour this moment while we still think highly of them and give a warm welcome
01:43to our season three contestants.
01:45Aaron Chen
01:46Conchetta Carisco
01:49Mel Buttle
01:52Peter Hellier
01:55and Rhys Nicholson.
01:59And finally, attached to my side like a skin tag that doctors refuse to remove because
02:05they're afraid of what it will smell like, it's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:13Welcome back, Leprechaun, you smelly bastard.
02:17How've you been?
02:18Not too bad.
02:19I'm glad to even be here.
02:20I've got a photo of near the elevators at my hotel this morning.
02:23Okay.
02:25I was standing there for hours waiting for three more people to arrive so I could enter
02:32the elevator.
02:33So you take, you know, instructions very seriously, even if they're just on a full-scap page sticky-taped
02:38to a wall.
02:39Those were the kinds of thoughts I was having at around hour two.
02:43Alright, Lesser Tom, how are we kicking things off tonight?
02:47Well, our first task is a prize task.
02:50Each contestant has brought in a prize.
02:51You, the taskmaster, will rank them one to five, and the person who wins tonight's episode
02:55will walk home with all five prizes.
02:58Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the worst
03:01thing to wake up and find at the end of your bed.
03:05Okay.
03:06Aaron, what have you brought in?
03:08I've brought in a 37-litre laundry tub filled to the brim with custard.
03:20It's not convenient.
03:22Like, if you wake up in the morning, that's splashing everywhere and it's custard as well.
03:25Quite viscous.
03:26Yeah.
03:27And even just due to its weight alone, you've already short-sheeted your bed.
03:31Yeah.
03:32So you've had a bad night's sleep and there it is.
03:33I don't know what short-sheeted means, but I agree.
03:38Okay.
03:42Well, Aaron, maybe we can go on a camp together and I can short-sheet your bed so you can
03:46learn what it means.
03:47Yeah, and I'll short-sheet you as well.
03:50Oh, yeah.
03:54What about you, Conchetta?
03:55What did you bring in?
03:56I brought in a spooky doll, but she's got pink eye as well.
04:04She really wants to get into bed with you to short-sheet you as well.
04:09Do you know what short-sheet is?
04:10No!
04:11Is it bad?
04:13You're not supposed to learn things on this show, so I'll move on.
04:18Okay, so why would you be worried about the pink eye?
04:20Are you kidding?
04:22Conjunctivitis is a hidden problem of this country.
04:26Alright, so Mel, what would you be worried about waking up to at the end of your bed?
04:31A low-cost doona.
04:38What are you trying to claim here?
04:39That you're better than that?
04:41Yep.
04:42I'm so much better than that.
04:44There's no natural fibres in that.
04:45That is a fire hazard.
04:47It just communicates to the person in your bed with you that that's what you think they're worth.
04:53You just reminded me of my fear, and that's waking up with someone pretentious at the end of my bed.
05:02Peter, what have you brought in?
05:03Tom.
05:04The worst thing I could wake up to are two mates recording a podcast at the end of my bed.
05:10I don't know.
05:12I don't.
05:14I'm feeling the fear, Pete.
05:17So you wake up, you see them there, what's your first thought?
05:20Well, what are you doing at the foot of my bed?
05:23What's this podcast about?
05:25How are they recording it with nothing plugged in?
05:27Yeah.
05:28Why are your mates 22 years old?
05:35Because, Aaron, they consider me the Fonzie of comedy, you see.
05:39All my friends are very young.
05:41You just said you're the Fonzie of comedy, which is an outdated reference.
05:48Rhys, what have you brought in?
05:49I thought about it long and hard, and I realised what I think the worst thing at the end of my bed would be...
05:56leprosy.
06:02I feel like now the pink eye is less of an issue.
06:04Whoa!
06:06Well, I'm just thinking that the leprosy, it's inside the container, not outside the container.
06:10Well, you can open it up.
06:11And I'm a pretty violent sleeper.
06:13You leave that at the bottom, you smash it open, suddenly, bam!
06:15Leprosy.
06:16Fingernails, right off.
06:17Toenails, right off.
06:20Alright, everyone.
06:23I'm sorry, too soon on leprosy?
06:27I'm going to give one point to Mel, sorry.
06:29Because a doona at the end of your bed, despite the quality, it's still a doona, so it can warm you up.
06:34It's not that frightening.
06:37I'm giving two points to Rhys, because they found a prop at the end of their bed.
06:41Conchita, I'm going to give you three points, because a doll is quite scary, regardless of what eye condition it has.
06:47Aaron, you get four points, because you're very polite.
06:50You didn't have to do that.
06:52No worries, Aaron.
06:55But I'm going to give five points to Peter Hellier, because I'm a white middle-aged man, and I'm frightened of podcasters, too.
07:04Alright, my little pretty poppet, are tasks proper, is it?
07:09Yes, superior poppet.
07:12This next piece of unprovoked seduction will make more sense in approximately 30 seconds.
07:15Should I run? This feels so slow.
07:18Tom, I'm Pete. Hi, Mel.
07:20I'm coming, darling.
07:21How are you doing, Tom? Hi, Aaron.
07:23I think I have a message.
07:25In a letterbox for me.
07:27Posting about a second.
07:30Who's your boyfriend?
07:32You.
07:33No, I'm not.
07:35Oh, you're not.
07:36You're not.
07:37You're not.
07:38I'm not.
07:39I'm not.
07:40I don't know.
07:41I'm not.
07:42letterbox for me.
07:44Oh! Posties bean!
07:46I like getting mail.
07:51Uh-oh!
07:52Oh my gosh.
07:53Mmm, the eyes have it.
07:55How did you know both my parents were optometrists?
07:59Do the most epic wink.
08:01Your first wink counts.
08:03You have 20 minutes.
08:04Most epic wink wins.
08:06Your time starts now.
08:09What's epic?
08:10Like a grand entrance.
08:12Like an epic, we think of an epic movie.
08:14You know, Ben-her.
08:15These days I think we call it Ben-them,
08:17just to be politically correct.
08:19This is quite like the over-the-shoulder thing.
08:22Okay, I don't want to wink though.
08:23Okay.
08:23Start.
08:24Yep.
08:25I think winking's brilliant, you know that about me.
08:27But you're not very good at it?
08:28No.
08:29Maybe I save your life.
08:31Wow.
08:32I don't know if I would.
08:34No, I would.
08:35People are watching.
08:35People love in a movie when someone is well again.
08:38So I'm going to be in the crutches and I go,
08:40Willy Wonka, where he does the forward roll.
08:42So faking a disability.
08:43Faking.
08:44Maybe 20 soldiers with rifles.
08:4720 soldiers?
08:48Like quite a lot of soldiers.
08:49Would you agree that maybe like three
08:51would also be a large amount of soldiers?
08:53I would say that three is small.
08:55Oh, okay.
08:56It would be epic if I got Paul Rudd to wink at you.
08:59Do you have his number?
09:00No.
09:01Call my mum!
09:03I'm going to go inside.
09:04How many minutes?
09:05Nine minutes and ten seconds.
09:11So whose quote unquote epic wink are we going to see first?
09:15He's cute.
09:15He's cheeky.
09:16He smells like custard.
09:17And we all know why.
09:18It's Aaron Shed.
09:28All hail the most objectively epic winker.
09:41G'day, guys.
09:42Things are about to look pretty epic.
09:55Okay, so task one of episode one and you've blown up the house.
09:59Start big, you know.
10:01Aaron kept insisting that we have 20 extras
10:04and I kept insisting that we don't have 20 extras.
10:08So we shot that four different times
10:10and then spliced five people
10:14to turn them into 20.
10:19All right, which winkers are we seeing next, Cash Boy?
10:24These two should be naturals.
10:26They both sleep with one eye open.
10:27Ever since those allegations, it's Mel Buddle and Conchetta Cristo.
10:33Hi, Mum.
10:34How are you going?
10:36Mum, I'm on Taskmaster right now.
10:39Here's Tom, by the way.
10:41Hello, Marlena.
10:42Hi, how are you?
10:43How many minutes are left, Tom?
10:46One minute and 16 seconds.
10:47Perfect.
10:48So I need your help for this.
10:49Most epic wink wins.
10:51What about the wink one eye after the other?
10:55Why don't we, through the FaceTime, wink at Tom at the same time?
10:58That's probably epic.
10:59Like, that's probably more than he's getting in, like, ages.
11:03One epic wink.
11:05Artisanal, locally made.
11:07What could be more epic than something made right here in your own backyard
11:11by me, an artist?
11:15I think a mum plus a daughter, powerful.
11:17You wanted one wink?
11:18Just kidding, I'm going to give you 100.
11:21We're going to do it at the same time.
11:23Three, two, one, go.
11:34Wink.
11:35Oh, that's epic.
11:36You see that?
11:37So it's a genuine wink.
11:38That one's not moving.
11:40OK.
11:40Tom, we need a response.
11:43Yep, I can see him.
11:46This is called the mother-daughter tag team.
11:50You're welcome.
11:53Say bye to Tom, Mum.
11:55See you, Marlena.
11:56I'm going to leave that here for Museum Wants It.
12:00Oh, right, OK.
12:01Whatever.
12:02You just got double teamed.
12:04Woo!
12:06Hey, thanks, Tom.
12:07Hey, thanks, Mum.
12:12So the mother-daughter tag team, do you regret using that?
12:16No, I stand by it.
12:17I think that's what made it epic, you know?
12:20Like, you could look that up on a porn site.
12:24But Tom didn't have to.
12:25I didn't have to, but.
12:26So Mel, just to be clear, who winks
12:30by starting with both eyes closed?
12:33Because I feel like with your craft,
12:34they were both closed and then one eye open.
12:37That seems like a peek, not a wink.
12:40I think you can start with both eyes closed if you want.
12:43I mean, isn't every task open to interpretation?
12:46No.
12:47No?
12:48No?
12:49Well, it's open to interpretation.
12:56By us.
12:57By us.
12:57Oh, by you.
12:58Not by you.
12:58Fine.
12:59If you know what I mean.
13:05After seeing those, I kind of wish
13:06Aaron had blown up the house.
13:10All right, it's time for the first hotly anticipated ad
13:13break of our season.
13:14Then more comedians closing one of their eyes
13:17epically after this.
13:18Welcome back to Cars Master, everyone,
13:21where we are finding out which Australian comedians can't
13:24make basic facial expressions.
13:26Lesser Tom, bring us up to speed.
13:28Our contestants had 20 minutes to do the most epic wink.
13:31So far, Aaron has used 20 extras to imitate
13:34an authoritarian dictator and Conchita facetimed her mom.
13:39I think I'm going to have to go with Conchita.
13:41I think I'm going to have to go with Conchita.
13:43I think I'm going to have to go with Conchita.
13:45I think I'm going to have to go with Conchita.
13:47Facetimed her mom.
13:49Who's up next?
13:50The eye is the window to the soul.
13:52Does this next guy have one?
13:54It's Peter Hellyer.
13:55What's epic to you?
13:57You know what I would love?
13:58What I've never seen before in the history of cinema.
14:00And I'm not sure if we can do this.
14:02I'm not sure if we have access.
14:03But like a drone wink shot.
14:07Imagine if the drone comes around the trees
14:10and it comes up here and it'll give the wink.
14:13OK.
14:16You've just winked.
14:17What?
14:19But I don't get to do my drone shot.
14:21Sorry.
14:22First wink counts.
14:23I mean, it was almost Shakespearean, wasn't it?
14:26Because my hand was like there.
14:29And to me, it was a nod to the great bard.
14:32Epic.
14:32Epic.
14:33Thanks, Pete.
14:40Wow.
14:42The joke's on you.
14:43You'll never see it.
14:44You'll never see it.
14:45So what went wrong?
14:47I was so in the moment, mate.
14:48Like, I could see the shot.
14:50And I was describing it.
14:51I was in that zone.
14:53And I could feel it.
14:54And I gave it that one.
14:55And I still think it was actually
14:58pretty epic, to be honest.
14:59Nobody else winked with their hand in front of their face.
15:02So.
15:03I thought it was pretty amazing how you pivoted so rapidly
15:06to Shakespeare.
15:09Is this a dagger I see before me?
15:14All right, Mr. Tom.
15:15Who's lucky last tonight?
15:17In a plot twist only to viewers, just tuning in,
15:19it's the contestant whose wink we haven't seen yet,
15:21Rhys Nicholson.
15:29Hey!
15:39Checkmate.
15:43Woo-hoo!
15:45Woo-hoo!
15:49Whoa, this is epic.
15:51I'm water skiing, and I'm going super fast.
15:54Woo-hoo!
15:56Woo-hoo!
16:08For your low-key consideration.
16:11So let me get this right, Rhys.
16:13If you're non-binary, are you allowed
16:14to make fun of disabled people?
16:20I'm just asking, does one cancel the other out?
16:22If you're a straight white man, are you
16:24allowed to even bring up the fact that I'm non-binary?
16:28Yes, you are.
16:30No, I was empowering people.
16:33And I wouldn't even say I was disabled in that.
16:36I was just someone who bought those two.
16:39You were the ones that had them in your shed, you weirdo.
16:43Well, it's tricky, because I think that Aaron and Rhys both
16:46got a huge reaction.
16:47Working from the top down, I'm going to give Aaron five.
16:49I'm going to give Rhys four.
16:51And then, even though Peter Helyas was very short,
16:54and he kind of tripped the trigger,
16:56it was still better than Mel's and Conchetta's shit attempts.
17:01So you're on three.
17:03Two points to Conchetta for the blue wink.
17:05And I'm going to give one point to Mel for the reverse wink.
17:12OK, Lester, Tom, what does that mean for our scores?
17:14Well, in last place, we have Mel with two points.
17:16But the winner at the moment is Aaron Chen with nine points.
17:22Give me another task, please.
17:24No need to look at your watch.
17:26I'm about to tell you what time it is.
17:41Hello.
17:42Hey, Tom.
17:43Do you know what time it is?
17:44Task time.
17:45No, it's Frisbee time.
17:47Ooh.
17:48Oh!
17:52It's not a good throw.
17:54It's Frisbee time.
17:56Frisbee time.
17:59Nice catch.
18:01See, we can get on.
18:03Fun.
18:06Throw a Frisbee into the caravan from the furthest distance.
18:09Your first successful throw counts.
18:11Furthest distance wins.
18:13Also, you must celebrate every miss.
18:17It's opposite day.
18:18Opposite day.
18:19I love you.
18:22And commiserate your successful throw.
18:31You have 15 minutes.
18:33Your time starts now.
18:37There's a lot of layers to this one.
18:39So it's your first successful attempt and you have to have reverse emotions.
18:42That's right.
18:43OK.
18:44These idiots are going to struggle, aren't they?
18:47We'll see.
18:50All right, who's up first?
18:51Will they throw in the caravan or the tail?
18:53It's Conchita, Aaron and Pete.
18:55You throw a Frisbee.
18:57There's no way around that.
18:59All right, we'll give throwing a go.
19:01I'm not sure if the cameras are picking up.
19:02It's pretty windy.
19:03Not really.
19:04You'll be protected by the trees.
19:05It's windy over there?
19:06Yeah, very windy.
19:07Wow.
19:08OK.
19:09Let's just raw dog it.
19:13Yeah!
19:18Yeah!
19:21Oh, so it's harder than I thought, isn't it?
19:25Yeah!
19:29All right, I can make that, so I'm going to go a bit further.
19:34Yes!
19:36Yes!
19:37Yes!
19:38Yes!
19:40Yes!
19:43Yes!
19:48Yeah!
19:51Yes!
19:55That looks vaguely unhinged.
19:57I don't have a lot more screams left.
20:00Oh!
20:03Yeah!
20:08That felt good.
20:09Get some tape.
20:10Tape?
20:11Yeah.
20:12As usual, this is coming off.
20:13OK.
20:15You should wear it.
20:16Do you want to put it on?
20:19Yeah!
20:20OK.
20:21OK.
20:22You're going to get it in now?
20:23OK, go as far as he can.
20:24Hold that string taut.
20:25Taut?
20:26Get this disc into the car.
20:28It's a caravan.
20:31I'm going to do the throw.
20:42OK, I'm going to go like this.
20:48Oh, no!
20:51No!
20:52What's that mean?
20:53You completed the task.
20:54No!
20:55No!
20:57Ah!
20:58Are you joking?
20:59Where did it say that?
21:0117.
21:0216.
21:03Yeah!
21:04Yeah!
21:05No!
21:06Your first success letter counts.
21:07It's the second line.
21:09Take that off.
21:1015.
21:11Yeah!
21:12Oh!
21:16You don't deserve it.
21:17You're not juicy.
21:19Thanks, Aaron.
21:20That's your fault.
21:21See you, babe.
21:22Very windy.
21:23Oh, the wind?
21:24Yeah.
21:25The wind's blowing my jacket.
21:26Do you think anyone will do worse than you?
21:28You are a meanie.
21:30Thanks, Cruchetta.
21:32Bye, Tom!
21:41It was very localised wind on the day you were out there, Pete.
21:44It was like those cartoon clouds where it's just over.
21:47It must have been the wind version of that.
21:49Yeah.
21:50Now, Conchetta, when you said,
21:51this is harder than I thought, was that a celebration?
21:54Yes, it was, Tom.
21:56It was an old Italian saying.
22:00My nonna would say it every time she won the lottery.
22:05Wait! Wait!
22:06Wait!
22:08How many times has she won the lottery?
22:13So at the very end, though, that reaction seemed quite genuine.
22:16It was real.
22:17I can't tell, though, if it was good acting
22:19or you were angry because you realised how close you were
22:21when you got it in.
22:22It was the second one.
22:23Oh, so you weren't acting, you were genuinely annoyed.
22:26Yes.
22:27Is that bad?
22:30I'd like some time with my client.
22:34Just shut up!
22:38Woo!
22:42Now, Aaron, you also had an interesting technique.
22:44You were throwing it like that,
22:45which either means you know exactly what you were doing
22:47or you've got no idea.
22:49In Ultimate Frisbee, that is called a hammer throw.
22:55That's good to know.
22:56When you finally got it in, you almost celebrated.
22:59Yeah, almost.
23:00Do we have to count that original celebration
23:02or do we accept the flip to the commiseration?
23:05I think you should be judging the overall commiseration
23:07and celebration of each of the contestants
23:09and that should be taken into account.
23:11You're going to get in big trouble, mate.
23:19So Conchetta was three metres away from the caravan,
23:22Aaron was 8.4 metres away
23:24and Pete was 12.65 metres away.
23:30And in great news, Channel 10 have said
23:32we no longer have to play advertisements.
23:34Happy Opposite Day!
23:37More confused comedians after this!
23:50Welcome back to Cars Pass Day.
23:52Where were we last time?
23:53We were throwing frisbees into a caravan
23:55and we're not happy about it.
23:57Unless we miss, in which case we are.
23:59OK, that makes perfect sense. Who's next?
24:01She's great at acting,
24:02the opposite of how she's feeling ever since those allegations.
24:05It's Mel Buttle.
24:07So if you threw it, right,
24:09and you got it in, you go,
24:11awww.
24:12All the information you need is in the task.
24:14Yeah, all the information, whatever,
24:16from the furthest distance.
24:21OK, it's harder than it looks.
24:24What happens when I run out of flying discs?
24:27You may reuse.
24:28Aw, bloody hell!
24:32Thank you, Mel.
24:37I apologise, Conchetta.
24:38It turns out saying it's harder than it looks
24:40is a very common celebration.
24:44Mel knew my nonna for many years.
24:46Many years.
24:48So, as far as I can tell,
24:50you stood pretty close to the caravan
24:52and then just didn't show any emotion.
24:55What?
24:57Did you understand the task?
24:58Whoa! I'm from Queensland.
25:00I said bloody hell in a slightly grumpy manner.
25:03That's as good as it's going to get.
25:06Mel was standing 5.47 metres away from the caravan.
25:10Huge.
25:11Which puts her currently in third place.
25:12OK.
25:15One left by my count, Lesser Tom.
25:17Who is it?
25:18They eat frisbees for breakfast,
25:19even though everyone keeps telling them to stop.
25:21It's Rhys Nicholson.
25:23My first thought is,
25:24I don't want to be on this show anymore.
25:26Right.
25:27My second thought is,
25:28I'd like a lot of rope.
25:30OK.
25:31Oh, thank you.
25:34Jesus Christ!
25:35What are you doing in this house
25:36that you need this much rope?
25:38Weird.
25:40Do you know much about knots?
25:41No.
25:42Never was involved in the Scouts.
25:44OK.
25:45Just a reason to hang out with men in their 40s.
25:47And that doesn't interest you?
25:48Oh, a little bit more these days.
25:51I'm fine, thank you.
25:52OK.
25:53Wait.
25:55So we're going to try it out.
25:56OK.
25:58So here, I'm just throwing my frisbee.
26:01OK.
26:14Did it go in?
26:21LAUGHTER
26:32Why are you upset?
26:35It went in!
26:39Thanks, Rhys.
26:45So, Aaron, how do you feel Rhys' rope mechanism
26:48compared to your rope mechanism?
26:51I don't know.
26:52I kind of...
26:53Don't you reckon, like,
26:54it was like notes of cheating, kind of?
26:58Do you know what's weird about that?
26:59Tom can back this up.
27:00At no point did I pick up a frisbee
27:02and try and throw it in.
27:04Most of my time was spent going,
27:06how can I do this without any physical fitness involved
27:10whatsoever?
27:11Because I just know I'm not coordinated.
27:13OK.
27:14So the method was born out of desperation?
27:15Yeah.
27:16Yeah, yeah.
27:18Mel, how do you feel about your commitment to acting
27:20now that you've seen Rhys' performance?
27:22Rhys' performance was a little bit not realistic.
27:25But you were saying he had a realistic performance,
27:27which would be at home in Queensland.
27:29Where would Rhys' performance land in Queensland?
27:31Oh, I think it's still quite illegal,
27:33what Rhys does in Queensland.
27:43Shall we look at the scores?
27:44Well, so Pete is the current leader with 12.65 metres.
27:48When Rhys threw the frisbee,
27:50they were 34.8 metres away from the caravan.
27:57However, you need to decide
27:59who was the worst celebrator slash commiserator,
28:02because we will be halving their distance.
28:05OK.
28:06It was Mel.
28:08So that means Mel gets one point,
28:10Conchetta two, Aaron three, Pete four,
28:12and Rhys wins the task with five points.
28:17So what happens now, Tom?
28:19With the turn in the equinox,
28:20a newfound task is upon your constellation.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:41Hi, Tom. How are you doing?
28:43Hi, Aaron.
28:44Oh, this is very pretty.
28:45Oh, thank you. Are you a mystical man?
28:47Very mystical.
28:48This reminds me of everyone's house
28:50that I used to go to in my 20s.
28:52Oh, right.
28:59It's the other Tom.
29:02Make your horoscope for today come true.
29:05Most realised horoscope wins.
29:08You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now.
29:11When I was about nine... Here we go.
29:13..I asked my dad what horoscope I was.
29:16Mm-hm.
29:17And he said,
29:18I'm pretty sure you're either a bull or a lion.
29:21And then he looked it up and he went,
29:23Oh, no, you're a virgin.
29:30Are you going to be telling us stories from your life in every episode?
29:34Not if you don't like it.
29:37Before we continue, we gave each contestant their horoscope
29:40for that day based on their star sign.
29:42OK.
29:43Whose horoscope realisation attempt shall we start with?
29:46Both are Gemini's, but only one is about to attempt this task.
29:49It's Marilyn Monroe and Peter Hellyer.
29:53Tomorrow is a day to focus on your communication skills
29:58and don't be afraid to speak your mind.
30:01This is also a good time to connect with friends and loved ones.
30:06Does any of that resonate with you?
30:08There are times where maybe I wouldn't completely speak my mind
30:11to spare the people's feelings.
30:12Do you have an example?
30:13I don't like your haircut.
30:15Oh.
30:16Also a good time to connect with friends.
30:18I haven't spoken with Dave Hughes for a while.
30:23What's up, buddy?
30:24What are you up to?
30:29It's about time.
30:33Well, I'm just calling.
30:36I wanted to really tell you how much you mean to me
30:38and you've always meant a lot to me.
30:41Whose podcast do you watch?
30:44I don't know.
30:45I'm not on the podcast, mate.
30:46You've got a gun to your head, do you?
30:48I don't have a gun to my head, mate.
30:50I mean, I much appreciate the sentiment,
30:52no matter how it's come about,
30:55whose content we're creating.
30:58Mate, it's not about content.
30:59A sincere moment between two mates.
31:02I just want you to accept it.
31:03Whatever objective you set out to achieve,
31:06I think you've achieved it.
31:07Yeah.
31:08Love you, Pete.
31:09Love you, Hughsy.
31:10Go on, mate.
31:11Okay.
31:12Goodbye.
31:16Oh, come on.
31:17Okay.
31:23I think we've learnt a lot about your relationship.
31:25Do you feel bad that he could see through your faux sincerity
31:28so quickly to decide that it's probably content?
31:31Yeah, that was disappointing.
31:33I thought he may have read the room
31:35and realised not to go down that path.
31:38He's not...
31:39For the amount of showbiz that Hughsy has done,
31:41he's still not that good at it.
31:45Help me out, Hughsy.
31:46I'm obviously doing something.
31:48I'm not going to ring you to tell you I love you.
31:51Just roll with me for a little bit.
31:53But I think the task was successful.
31:55The communication was clear.
31:56It's also going to be very important
31:58into the ATO's investigation into Dave Hughes's affairs.
32:01So I'm glad we got that on tape.
32:03The phone call went for seven minutes and 57 seconds,
32:0642% of which was Hughsy complaining about paying tax.
32:12Your future looks bright,
32:13but you must be patient with others
32:15and willing to accept unashamed consumerism
32:17in the form of these advertisements.
32:19Further revelations of comedians' birthdays
32:22taken from Wikipedia still to come.
32:25Welcome back to Taskmaster,
32:27where five Australian comedians are competing
32:29for a vial of what Rhys Nicholson claims to be
32:32the Biblical disease leprosy.
32:35Lesser Tom, give us a recap.
32:37Our contestants have got 30 minutes
32:39to make their horoscope come true.
32:41I read my horoscope this morning
32:43and it said I need to be more assertive.
32:45I'm going to be more assertive.
32:47I'm going to be more assertive.
32:49I'm going to be more assertive.
32:51I'm going to be more assertive.
32:53I'm going to be more assertive.
32:54But don't worry, I'm going to ignore it.
32:58And whose mystical nonsense do we get to see come true next?
33:02They're both Leos,
33:03but only one has been counting their lucky stars recently
33:05since she beat those allegations.
33:07It's Aaron and Conchetta.
33:09Today is a day for you to embrace
33:11your natural leadership qualities.
33:13Your natural charisma and confidence
33:15will help you succeed in any endeavours you pursue.
33:18Use this opportunity to inspire and motivate those around you.
33:21Let me be mindful of not coming across as too domineering.
33:24Take charge and lead the way.
33:26Tom, rise.
33:30What are some of your fears?
33:31My fears?
33:32Yeah.
33:33My instinct says to make a toasted sandwich.
33:37You told me your fears are heights,
33:39confined spaces, loneliness and death.
33:41I want you to know that you can get through all of them
33:43and not be scared anymore.
33:44So I want you to find me bread.
33:47I could be more easily convinced
33:49if you said it with some charisma.
33:51Can you get some bread?
33:53OK.
33:54I'm going to hand you some ways you could die.
33:56Here's the first one.
33:57You can die in your sleep.
33:59If someone punches you near the heart, it could stop.
34:02You could die on the toilet like Elvis did.
34:04How do you be, El?
34:05Charismatic.
34:06Smile more, look people in their beautiful eyes,
34:08keep your hands in view and use them to help you speak.
34:11Luring Doctor Puss could sting you at the beach.
34:14Do you like the beach, Tom?
34:15I love the beach.
34:16So that's a bit of a bummer.
34:18I'm like a saucy bastard.
34:19You call your toasties bastards?
34:21They are the way I make them.
34:23I mean, that's a bit of a bastard.
34:25I reckon that's pretty good.
34:27It's a good sandwich that we've achieved our goals.
34:30Do you think I should do some more stuff?
34:33It's up to you.
34:34Watch this.
34:35No hands.
34:40Wow.
34:41Tom, I think that you can face any challenge
34:44that comes your way.
34:45OK, and trapping me in a box up high
34:47reminding me of diseases isn't domineering?
34:49No.
34:50Oh, that's perfect.
34:51Cheers.
34:53Do you like that?
34:54Mm.
34:55I'm going to put my hand in.
34:56OK.
34:57And you're welcome to hold my hand.
34:58Oh, thank you.
34:59Does that make you feel less alone?
35:01Yeah.
35:04Have that bastard later.
35:10So Conchetta, your version of inspiration
35:12had a striking resemblance to torture.
35:15Can you talk us through it?
35:17I didn't love it.
35:18I hated to see him in there scared.
35:20That's why I put my hand in.
35:21Right.
35:22And we held hands.
35:23So it was like exposure therapy, was it?
35:24Yeah, yeah.
35:25You made him live through those terrible times
35:27and then you inspired him after also being his tormentor.
35:31Yeah, yeah.
35:32It came from a good place because I'm Aaliyah.
35:36So Aaron, your version of taking charge
35:38was making a toasted sandwich for lesser Tom.
35:42Well, the way you summed it up just then was not flattering.
35:46But I think the process of it,
35:49I was showing leadership qualities,
35:53I was putting on some of my best charisma.
35:56Would you like to use some charisma on the Taskmaster now?
36:00Good on you, mate.
36:04Wow, it's radiating out of you so naturally.
36:07OK, let's see another horoscope come true, shall we?
36:10It's the bull my dad wished I was, his Taurus, Rhys Nicholson.
36:14This is my horoscope.
36:15You may find yourself feeling more introspective than usual.
36:21Remember to take care of yourself and prioritise self-care.
36:25How do you take care of yourself?
36:27Well, at the moment I'm not really taking care of myself.
36:29You know, I'm very tired at the moment.
36:31Oh.
36:32I'm quite stressed about being on Taskmaster.
36:35Mm.
36:36I'm stressed about what the Taskmaster thinks of me.
36:39Can I bring up another relevant factor?
36:41Yeah.
36:42That it's currently your birthday?
36:43Yeah.
36:44You're not wrong.
36:47And I'm here on my birthday.
36:51It says right here,
36:52trust your instincts and don't be afraid to make changes
36:55that will bring you closer to your desired outcomes.
36:58I would like to go home.
37:00Oh, OK.
37:02LAUGHTER
37:08You're off?
37:10I'm going to go.
37:11LAUGHTER
37:13Bye.
37:14See you, Rhys.
37:15LAUGHTER
37:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:27So, hang on, so you just left in the middle of a task.
37:29I just left.
37:30Are you happy to let the whole production grind to a halt
37:32just because you were feeling a little bit selfish during that task?
37:35I've got to say, when I was taking my mic off,
37:37I said to the sound guy,
37:38is this all right?
37:39And he went, mate, no complaints.
37:41LAUGHTER
37:43APPLAUSE
37:45Hang on.
37:46I feel like I need more detail here.
37:48I just don't quite buy that Rhys left
37:50right in the middle of production.
37:52Rhys left 45 minutes before the end of the day,
37:54which meant Rhys worked 45 minutes less than the others,
37:57which means currently Rhys is being paid $3 more per hour
38:00than the rest of you.
38:01LAUGHTER
38:03Which I've got to say, that's self-care if ever I've seen it.
38:06LAUGHTER
38:08All right, up next, we've got an ad break.
38:10Time to check if your horoscope is compatible with your partner's.
38:13And when it's not, sit there in silence and think about
38:16why it's probably time you did something about it.
38:18See ya!
38:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:28Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
38:31Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
38:33of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes
38:35at tenplay.com.au or the TenPlay app.
38:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:43Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia,
38:46the show where our country's best comedians
38:48risk it all for the chance at a compliment from me,
38:51an unfortunately necessary father figure in all their lives.
38:55Where are we up to, Lesser Tom?
38:57Our contestants are making their horoscopes come true.
39:00One more is there.
39:01Her birthday is January 25th, which means she's an Aquarius
39:04and there's a good chance she was conceived on Anzac Day.
39:07It's Mel Buddle.
39:09Today is a day to focus on your career and professional goals.
39:13However, be mindful of communication with colleagues and superiors
39:17as misunderstandings may arise.
39:19Well, correct.
39:20When is a time where you feel like you've been misunderstood?
39:23When I released my hip-hop album in Year 9,
39:26Misunderstood, literally, by MC Malicious.
39:30Really? Yeah, I do raps.
39:33I could do a rap and we could have a fight about it.
39:37I've already got the rap ready to go.
39:39MUSIC PLAYS
39:42Yo, what's up? MC Malicious on the track.
39:45Here we go. I'm about to drop it.
39:48I'm a rapper, I'm an actor, I'm a rhyme codepractor.
39:51I'll snap me some rhymes and I'll chuck them back at you
39:53cos I'm rhyme supreme.
39:54Yes, I'm a rhyme machine.
39:56Let me take you through this rhyme routine.
39:588% of boys see this, they want to hit this.
40:01Hieroglyphics, your friends are misfits.
40:03What, every morning I eat my wee bits.
40:06Welcome to the rhyme olympics.
40:08Yeah, you can try hard but you just won't beat this.
40:12Sorry, I just had to interrupt and stop the music.
40:14I just heard you say that you were a rhyme machine.
40:16Yes, I did.
40:17You're not a machine, you're a human.
40:19So me, I'm in character at the moment.
40:21I'm MC Malicious but I'm not Mel.
40:23So MC Malicious who doesn't exist could therefore be part machine.
40:27I see. It sounds like it was a misunderstanding.
40:29Yes.
40:30Alright, I'll leave you to it.
40:31Sorry about that. Yeah, big miscommunication.
40:33Sorry, Tom.
40:34All good.
40:35Alright, freestyle.
40:36This one just straight, straight flowing.
40:39Cos you know what?
40:41Like a BMW, I'm always loving you.
40:43Cos of your interiors, they're smooth like this groove.
40:47I'm out, bitch.
40:49CHEERING
40:54Alright, Mel, how excited were you that you got to bust out that rap?
40:57I cannot wait for the career opportunities that are going to be
41:00in my inbox following this.
41:04Wow, that was quite a special moment.
41:06I feel like you've done it before.
41:08Where did you used to perform that rap?
41:10Year 9 maths, back row.
41:12We haven't been scoring very well in this episode.
41:14Do you think you were misunderstood?
41:16Yeah, I think there's a few things that have gone wrong
41:19this episode in my favour and I've not chosen to bring them up.
41:22And I thought, wait, wait, see if they use your rap
41:25and then you'll probably get 39 points for that.
41:30Problem solved.
41:31Right, so I believe I have to score.
41:33I have to put Reece at one at the bottom
41:35because they left early and kind of gave up.
41:37Aaron, I'm putting on two because you asserted yourself
41:40by making a bastard.
41:42And I'm going to give Pete three for referring Dave Hughes to the ATO.
41:47Conchetta, I'm giving four points too
41:49because she did a really good job.
41:53Sorry, you don't say that out loud.
41:56But finally, due to the rapping talents of MC Mel Buddle,
42:00I've got to give Mel five points.
42:05So how does that shake up the overall scores?
42:08Well, it's tight at the top but with a one-point lead,
42:10it's Peter Hellyer.
42:13All right, let's head upstairs
42:16for our very first live task of the season.
42:23So, Lesser Tom, are we about to learn what short sheeting is?
42:27Aaron, can you please read the task?
42:29Entirely change your bed without leaving the bed.
42:33Then lie in it.
42:35If you or your linen touches the floor during the making of your bed,
42:39you must stop making it.
42:41Kneel upright and sing an original ten-second lullaby to the taskmaster.
42:48Fastest wins.
42:49Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
42:52All right, please enter the beds.
42:55Are we ready?
43:07These pillows are shit!
43:10This is hard, right?
43:12I know I am.
43:18Oh my God, we have to change the dooner?
43:22It's darker.
43:28Lullaby time.
43:30Rock-a-bye ginger, you are so tall
43:35In your bed you'll sleep till you will fall
43:38Have a nice dream of money and bitches
43:42You may start again. You can start again.
43:48You're very distracting.
43:52Oh my God.
43:58Lullaby time.
43:59Oh my gosh, it's time to sleep and guess what?
44:02Please don't weep and go crazy
44:05It's bed time, brother!
44:16That's the main bed.
44:21This has become so weird now for me.
44:25Come on everyone.
44:31Mel, it's lullaby time.
44:33Have a beautiful rating season
44:38I know that your real name is Thomas Gleeson
44:43You may resume.
44:45Can I call my wife?
44:48Can I call his wife?
44:51I've lost the pillow, guys.
44:56Consider it as a main bed.
45:02What's happening?
45:03Aaron touched.
45:04Don't you cry cos it's time for goodnight
45:07And everybody knows that it's Wednesday
45:15Aaron has a main bed.
45:18Is Pete's a main bed?
45:19Yeah.
45:20It's like a sleeping bag.
45:22It's perfect. It's how I sleep.
45:24I think we have Mel in fourth and Peter Hellier in fifth place.
45:28Who has won the task will have to review what they did frame by frame
45:32as a sneaky ruse to play more ads.
45:34We'll be back soon.
45:45Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
45:47If you're just joining us, your timing couldn't have been worse
45:50because we're about to finish.
45:52Before we crown our episode one winner,
45:54we're going to need some scores for that bed-making lesser tom.
45:57Pete was in fifth place with one point.
45:59Then we had Mel with two points.
46:01Aaron with three.
46:02Conchita had four points.
46:03And the winner of the first live task was Rhys with five points.
46:07Now, much more importantly, who won the episode?
46:11In joint first place, we have Aaron and Rhys,
46:15which necessitates a tie-break.
46:18What we are about to see is Rhys and Aaron both had 30 seconds
46:21to get a hundred hundreds and thousands into a glass.
46:24Let's see how that went.
46:26Your time starts now.
46:30Put them in there, right?
46:32How much time do I have left?
46:3324 seconds.
46:34Your time starts now.
46:38Put them in there, right?
46:40How much time do I have left?
46:4124 seconds.
46:421, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
46:4420.
46:45I reckon it's not as much as you reckon it is.
46:5070.
46:55Take out a bit.
46:59Mate.
47:01So, you needed to get closest to a hundred.
47:05Aaron had 185.
47:09Rhys had 1,112.
47:14Congratulations, Aaron.
47:16You are now the proud owner of a hideous plague on humanity.
47:21But as well as the podcasters, you get leprosy too.
47:24Get up on that stage and claim your goods.
47:31So, what did we learn tonight?
47:33We learned which short sheeting is and is not.
47:36We learned Channel 10 have finally allowed us to air
47:39mass winking on national television.
47:42And we learned if you dare to listen to the stars
47:45that surround the earth, they're telling us something special.
47:48Some white people are slightly better at rapping than you'd think.
47:52But most importantly, we learned Aaron is the winner of episode one.
47:58See you all next week. Good night.
48:18G'day, Tom. Try to relax.
48:20Oh, thanks.
48:24Here we go.
48:25Nice whistle, bitch.
48:26Five of Australia's only comedians will be at my mercy
48:30as they attempt to win the official Taskmaster trophy.
48:33I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
48:37I've never seen a group take so long to do a task
48:40that they had a coffee break in the middle.
48:44You're stupid.
48:45Shut the f*** up!
48:50I don't know what's happening.
48:51Business!
48:52You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.