TH.3
  • 3 months ago
Transcript
00:00I'm taking a cat nap and what do you know Zingbot comes in oh my god he likes
00:25to roast on the house guests to get some stuff started
00:55that's right losers you can now call me the Zingbot 9000
01:05and I'm now on Twitter
01:10James! Guess what? I've heard Meg is going to take you some place very very special after the show. The Friend Zone! Out of your league Zing!
01:36Hey Zingbot! You know what Zingbot? You're just mad because you're not sleeping next to a beautiful woman even though it's five feet apart but that doesn't even matter. Go Zing yourself!
01:54Liz! I'm confused. Suddenly you're less attractive, less intelligent, and less charming. Oh wait, that's just Julia!
02:19Zingbot for your information we got the same SAT score so how about that? Zing!
02:26Steve! What's less cool than a trombonist who cries for his mommy?
02:36Nothing! Zing!
02:43I love you mommy!
02:45Zingbot, I'm a nerd trombonist who likes my mom and I'm a nice guy. Maybe if you tried being nice to a girl once in a while you wouldn't be single. Ever consider that?
02:54Will someone please take out the trash? It stinks in here! Oh wait, that's just Austin!
03:09What is this body odor coming from?
03:12Meg! Your New York attitude is very sex in the city! Too bad your gameplay is more sucks in the city!
03:33Zing!
03:37John! Five out of five dentists agree the only thing less attractive than your laugh is your back hair!
03:57Zing!
04:02What's the matter Zingbot? You afraid of this here? Huh? You jealous? You can't grow any yourself can you? Cause you're a piece of metal and no one likes you! And you're stupid!
04:14It's getting ugly in here!
04:16Vanessa! You have been playing a masterful game! Assuming that game is the crying game! Zing!
04:34Alright they better get Liz cause that wasn't a Zing. It was a Zing for me.
04:38Liz! You've become such an important part of Austin's life! Are you more excited to meet his mom, his dad, or his girlfriend? Zing!
05:09Really? Zing!
05:15Oh my god that freaking Zingbot man!
05:22Mic drop Zing!
05:24That was amazing! We love you!
05:28It's time for the Vito competition!
05:36We love you Zingbot!
05:39Wake up everybody! Wake up!
05:57Zingbot!
05:59Wake!
06:02Oh my god!
06:05I'm just taking a long nap as usual and I hear a very familiar voice.
06:11This voice is Zingbot!
06:13It's the real one!
06:15Zingbot 9000!
06:16Zingbot don't be mean to me!
06:18I'm excited because as a super fan being Zinged by Zingbot is an honor.
06:23Cory!
06:26What do you call the man who sweeps Nicole off her feet, sends her heart to flutter, and makes her hear wedding bells?
06:45Braden!
06:47Zing!
06:53Was that a Zing at Cory or Nicole?
06:57Victor!
06:59I was trying to think of the perfect word to describe you!
07:07And I realized it is best said in Spanish!
07:15To El Stupid Zingbot!
07:28Zingbot you come at me, I come at you! You're El Stupid Zing!
07:33James!
07:35You love to scare people in the house!
07:41However, this summer, the people you've scared the most are...
07:49Natalie's parents!
07:53Zing!
07:55Standing, laughing, never wanting!
07:59Zing!
08:00I'm sure that's a lie.
08:03I hope so!
08:06Pauline!
08:09Anyone who says that you're a less attractive, less charming, and all around lesser version of Cody is...
08:26Correct!
08:30Poor man's Cody Zing!
08:34Oh my goodness!
08:36House guests! Big news!
08:40I have a baby baby announcement!
08:47It sleeps all day, cries all night, and can't stop throwing up!
08:59Please welcome...
09:02Big Meech!
09:13I can't deny it! Hashtag Vomit Cry Baby! Big Meech got what she deserved!
09:21Natalie!
09:25We all know you're not the brightest bulb!
09:32But luckily, what you lack in smarts, you make up for in...
09:42Armpit hair!
09:46That's what's Zing!
09:50Literally, it's not my fault. I get my underarms waxed and they grow back really, really thick.
09:56I'm literally so embarrassed!
09:59Nicole!
10:03Watching you on BB-16 was a little tough!
10:09You threw your game away for a showmance!
10:14You were terrible in comps!
10:17And ultimately, had no chance of winning at all!
10:24Oh wait! That's this season's Zing!
10:32This is a Zing!
10:38I thought I always wanted to meet Zingbot, but he's not that cool.
10:42Aw, Nicole!
10:46Paul!
10:49You have a lot of catchphrases!
10:54Pissed!
10:56Friendship!
10:58Your boy!
11:00Well, I've got a catchphrase everyone will get behind!
11:09Shut the...
11:11Zing!
11:28Now I have some big news to share!
11:33I've decided to run for president!
11:38So, meet me in the backyard!
11:44It's time for the Vito competition!
11:59Zingbot!
12:02Zingbot 2016!
12:05Make America Zing again!
12:08I'm in the backyard and I see Zingbot!
12:10I see signs that say Zingbot for president!
12:12Everything's so patriotic!
12:14I've never tried anything in politics, so maybe I could run for mayor!
12:18At least of Ovilee or something!
12:20This is freaking awesome!
12:22Welcome to the United States of Zing, where Zingbot is running for president!
12:26As loyal followers of Zingbot, you are the perfect candidates to work on his campaign, helping him collect electoral votes.
12:33And in this game, no one goes home empty-handed, but only one of you can earn the power of Vito.
12:39This competition will be played in a series of rounds.
12:42In each round, you'll launch your beanbag at the map of the United States of Zing, earning Zingbot those electoral votes.
12:48The player scoring the fewest electoral votes in that round will be eliminated.
12:53That player will then go to claim their campaign gift, revealing the prize hidden inside.
12:57But don't get too attached to it, because the players eliminated after you have the option of keeping their campaign gift or trading for yours.
13:06The last player standing will have their choice of any of the prizes, including the power of Vito.
13:14But be warned, once the votes have been claimed and escaped, it's out of play for future rounds and will earn you a zero.
13:21Who's ready to play Zingbot for president?
13:28There's a scandal rocking the headlines.
13:31Allegedly, Zingbot had some inappropriate zinging of an intern.
13:36He needs your votes more than ever.
13:41Zingbot has a child.
13:43Are you the intern?
13:46Pauly, you're up first. Go ahead and take a shot.
13:49Let's go, Pauly.
13:51So winning this Vito competition is crucial.
13:53I need to either pull myself off or have the option to pull Corey down.
13:58The most important part about this competition is how far back you pull your vote.
14:02That determines the distance in which the beanbag flies.
14:07Nice, Pauly.
14:09Pauly, you've earned Zingbot 32 electoral votes.
14:14You're welcome, Zingbot.
14:16Corey, you're up next.
14:18Let's go, Corey.
14:20So, I've never had to win a competition more than this Vito right here.
14:24Pauly is one of my closest allies that I have.
14:26And I know that our only chance of us both staying in the house is if one of us wins the Vito and pulls ourselves down.
14:37You've earned Zingbot 28 electoral votes.
14:45You've earned Zingbot 8 electoral votes.
14:48What was that?
14:51James, you need an 8 or better to stay in the game.
14:54I won't try too hard.
14:56I'm very familiar with this competition.
14:58I won this thing last season.
15:00My strategy is pretty simple.
15:02I aim for big numbers because that's what I do, baby.
15:08Nice!
15:10You've earned 31 electoral votes.
15:13James is president.
15:15I really want to win this Vito, take Corey off the block, and, you know, show Zingbot what's up.
15:26Nicole, you've earned 25 votes.
15:30What I cannot let happen in this game is either Pauly, Corey, or Nicole win.
15:36I want the satisfaction of winning another competition.
15:40Congratulations, Victor.
15:42You've earned Zingbot 18 electoral votes.
15:45Sorry, Paul.
15:47You will not be advancing to the next round.
15:50But no one leaves empty-handed when working on Zingbot's campaign.
15:54So claim the 6th place campaign gift and reveal your prize.
15:58Yeah!
16:00Clearly, being a catapult handler is not a future occupation choice for your boy.
16:06Hey!
16:07Power of Vito!
16:09Yeah!
16:11I won, Mom!
16:13Game over!
16:15I won the power of Vito!
16:17Just kidding, someone's probably going to steal it from me, and I'm probably going to hate my life.
16:21There's another scandal rocking the headlines.
16:24It's rumored that Zingbot has been deleting Zings from a private Zing server.
16:30He needs your votes more than ever.
16:33Yay!
16:34Yay!
16:36Come on, Zingbot.
16:39All right, Corey, it's time for you to start off round two.
16:43Remember, the regions you've already landed on are no longer in play for this and all future rounds.
16:52You've earned 27 electoral votes.
16:59Gotta risk it to get the biscuit, baby!
17:02Zingbot, I'm aiming for a 50 this round.
17:05You may think that I stink at competitions, but I'm going to show you.
17:12Nicole, your beanbag has landed in Zingtucky.
17:16That's one electoral vote.
17:18A freaking one.
17:22Dang it.
17:24All right, Victor, you're up.
17:26All right, Pauly.
17:31All right, Pauly, you've earned 10 electoral votes.
17:34Sorry, Nicole.
17:36You will not be advancing to the next round.
17:39Stop it.
17:41It really stinks going out second round of this competition.
17:44I really wanted to win and take Corey off the block.
17:47Who knows what kind of prize I'm going to end up with.
17:49Secret service.
17:51You have been promoted to Zingbot's top-level security team.
17:55For the next week, you'll wear a secret service suit.
17:58When you hear the red alert alarm, you must pat down all the houseguests
18:02and make sure all five security checkpoints are safe.
18:06Do you want to keep the secret service prize or trade it for the veto?
18:10Dude, I'm trading for the veto.
18:13Oh!
18:15Oh, my gosh.
18:16I'm trading for the veto.
18:18Oh!
18:20It's boned.
18:22Looks like there's another scandal.
18:25Reports are coming in that Zingbot has been caught embezzling Zing.
18:29Zingbot needs votes more than ever.
18:3934 electoral votes.
18:4219 electoral votes for Zingbot.
18:46Holly!
18:49There you go.
18:5123 electoral votes.
18:53Corey!
18:55So now it's my turn, and I know I got to score higher than a 19 to beat Vic.
18:59As far as I'm concerned, if I want to stay in this house, I got to go win this veto.
19:06Sorry, Corey, you have earned a zero.
19:08And will not be advancing to the next round.
19:12Vacation.
19:13Yeah!
19:15This one-week trip for two to any American destination is yours for now.
19:20Would you like to keep your American destination vacation or trade it for one of the other prizes?
19:26I'll take the veto.
19:28Woo!
19:30I'm with you. I'm KO.
19:32I'll take Corey on vacation.
19:34Another scandal is rocking the house.
19:36Another scandal is rocking the headlines.
19:40It's reported that Zingbot has plagiarized Zing's from another candidate's speech.
19:45He needs your votes more than ever.
19:48Yay!
19:51All right, Victor, you're up next.
19:54Corey's out of the competition. One target down, just one more to go.
19:58I got to get Polly out of here. Let's do this.
20:04Nice!
20:06Corey has earned 30 electoral votes for Zingbot.
20:09Oh, perfect!
20:11All right, Polly, take your shot.
20:15So, Corey's out, which means not good odds for me.
20:18There's two people that want me out of this house.
20:20So, the only chance I have is winning this thing.
20:23I'm sorry, Polly. You've scored a zero.
20:27The only hope I have now is if James also gets a zero.
20:38Woo!
20:4030 electoral votes!
20:42Yay!
20:44All right, Polly, you're up next.
20:46All right, Polly, you're up next.
20:48All right, Polly, you're up next.
20:49Woo!
20:5130 electoral votes!
20:53Sorry, Polly, you will not be advancing to the next round.
20:57Yes! He's off the board!
21:00I'm not worried anymore! You're done! You're finito! El dono!
21:05Patriot shred.
21:08Tard?
21:10Patriot Tard.
21:12For the next week, you will be wearing a Patriot Tard in honor of Zingbot's campaign.
21:16Would you like to keep your Patriot Tard prize or trade it for one of the other prizes?
21:21Now I have a decision to make.
21:23Do I allow Corey to keep the veto, or do I take it myself and hope that I can stay in this game?
21:33I'm gonna take the veto, homie.
21:40It's the final round, and it's down to James and Victor.
21:45I'm getting reports of another huge scandal.
21:49Zingbot is being accused of soliciting a zing in a bathroom stall?
21:54Oh my god!
21:56Can't get worse than this. Or can it?
22:00James, step on up and help Zingbot out.
22:09I'm sorry, James. Your score is zero.
22:12Alright, Victor. You need a one or better?
22:20Sorry, James. Claim the second place campaign gift and reveal your prize!
22:25Hopefully it's not a Unitard.
22:28Yeah!
22:30Five thousand dollars!
22:32Zingbot has just given you a five thousand dollar kickback for your hard work on the campaign.
22:38Would you like to keep your 5K or trade it for one of the other prizes?
22:43Daddy needs some new shoes. I'm holding on to this.
22:46Or would you like to give it to me?
22:48All said and done, I'll walk away with five thousand dollars, and nobody's gonna be chasing this guy because I don't have the veto.
22:57Victor! As a first place winner, please claim your first place prize!
23:13Apple pie!
23:15Congratulations! The way to a voter's heart is to their stomach.
23:19Your job is to bake apple pies for the rest of the summer.
23:22Every time you hear, oh say can you Zing, head to the kitchen to bake a homemade apple pie!
23:28Would you like to trade it for one of the other prizes?
23:32So James gets five thousand dollars and doesn't switch with anybody.
23:36I will trade it. I'm proud of you.
23:42I have no choice but to take that veto off of Pauly's head, and I cannot be happier.
23:48Victor! You have won the power of veto!
23:57Give me a hug.
23:59Okay! It's the golden power of veto!
24:02Pauly is going home, he's the one that sent me out of the house, so now I'm gonna send him out.
24:08I don't care if I'm called el douchebaggo, cause I el wino!
24:12First veto.
24:14So Victor wins the veto, I'm stuck in a Patriot Tard, and it looks like we're both gonna stay up on the block.
24:21Now I just gotta figure out what I'm gonna do from here.
24:23Oh man, I will not be baking apple pie.
24:26I feel absolutely devastated. I'm seeing what is left of my game in front of my eyes, and it's not looking bright.
24:34It's not that I think I'm the target, I know that I'm the target, but at this point, no, I have no fight.
24:42It's a friggin' scary feeling.
24:48Victor loses!
25:05Wake up, everybody!
25:10Oh my god!
25:12I knew it, I knew it was Zingbot!
25:14It's Zingbot!
25:16Oh my god!
25:18I'm Zingbot!
25:20I am back!
25:26It's Zingbot!
25:28Zingbot! Zingbot!
25:31I can't believe Zingbot is here!
25:34He comes in the house every year and he roasts people.
25:37Noah Zingbot, Arkansas-y, is ready for it. Bring it on!
25:43What's up, losers?
25:48President Zingbot is here, bitches!
25:55Who would have thought a robot who got his start on a reality show could become the president?
26:08Show your respect! I am president of planet Zing!
26:20So everyone's bowing to Zingbot, and I'm thinking to myself, why is everyone bowing to this robot?
26:24I'm not going to bow to you, Zingbot. I don't bow to anybody, especially no robot.
26:29Zing, zing, zing, zing, zing!
26:32Oh god.
26:33Your boy made it to Zingbot! This is awesome! This is the highlight of my summer, and I can't wait to hear him zing me. Or not.
26:51President Zingbot is here, bitches!
26:57Oh! Zingbot comes into the house every year and roasts all the house guests.
27:02And I'm not quite sure why all these house guests are so excited, because he's about to zing you where it hurts.
27:08Mark! I think you might be bisexual!
27:17Bisexual! Oh my god!
27:21Because every time you tried to get sexual with Elena, she said, bye!
27:33Zing! Zing! Zing!
27:41I mean, I'm not quite sure how to move on from this.
27:43Elaine, oh my god. I was crazy about her.
27:55Mark! Oh my god!
28:05Zing!
28:08God, I love Zingbot!
28:10That's cold. That's cold.
28:13Alex! I see you've been forced to carry around a ton of dead weight.
28:24Or as I like to call it, Jason!
28:30Zing! Zing!
28:41Zing!
28:44Really, Zingbot? I'm in a 12 pound X helmet, in a flashy colored spandex suit, and you want to call me out now?
28:53At least I don't stick out right now.
28:55I pull my own weight.
28:58This guy is ruthless! He doesn't care about anybody's feelings, and I love it!
29:04Ha ha!
29:06Oh, poor Raven! You got the Clownitard!
29:18This is the worst punishment ever!
29:25Okay.
29:27Oh, wait! That's just your face!
29:34Zing!
29:38Zing!
29:44That was mean!
29:46That makes no sense! I don't get it! What are you talking about?
29:51Boo Boo! It's your makeup! Just relax! It's not a big deal!
29:57Ruthless! Ruthless!
30:01Zing!
30:03That's very mean. I like you still, though.
30:06Josh!
30:08Oh, Josh!
30:10My heart goes out to you! You've shed so many tears this summer!
30:16Too bad you can't shed any!
30:22Wait!
30:27Mean girl Zing!
30:32What the...
30:35Oh, man!
30:37Josh has been called fat by Jessica, Cody, and now Zingbot?
30:42Maybe we need to keep Josh away from me.
30:44Maybe we need to keep Josh away from meatballs. Big Brother, stop giving us meatballs!
30:49I would have not! Give me a week or two!
30:52Po!
30:55Last season, you taught me so much!
31:00Like how to have friendship, how to be pissed, and how to lose half a million dollars!
31:14Zing!
31:17Oh, that's just mean!
31:20Zing!
31:23Po, I felt really bad when you lost to Nicole last season, but I won't feel bad when you lose to me.
31:29No!
31:34I'm all out! I only got 50!
31:37Matt!
31:40Congrats on making it so far in the game!
31:46Especially since the only thing you've done is...
31:53Raven!
31:56Zing!
31:59Zing!
32:01Zing!
32:03Zing!
32:05Zingbot makes a fantastic point. In reality, that's the only thing I've done well.
32:10Zing!
32:14Kevin!
32:18I hear you like to use Saran Wrap to preserve your youth!
32:27Newsflash!
32:30Too freaking late!
32:34Zing!
32:36Zing!
32:38Zing!
32:40Yo, he played no game!
32:43You don't mess with Kevin. Good thing there's no phones in the house or we might have found Zingbot at the bottom of the river tomorrow.
32:49Zing!
32:53Alex!
32:56I'm sweating.
32:57What do you call someone with bleached blonde hair, likes to wear cat ears, and handles lots of wieners?
33:11Cat ears!
33:15Ugh!
33:17Zing!
33:25Zing!
33:27That was a cool one.
33:29Zing!
33:31Zingbot, you forgot to mention her perpetually low-cut brawls.
33:36Those things are dangerously close to popping out.
33:41If Big Brother doesn't work out...
33:44Oh my God!
33:46I am not touching that joke, even if I had a ten-foot wiener! I'm pulling a Forrest Gump and booking it!
33:53Christmas!
33:56You have such a good heart, I can guarantee you will find no coal in your stocking this holiday season!
34:11However, you will find...
34:1410 shattered phones, 9 weeks in a cast, 8 surgeries, 7 more x-rays, 6 years of rehab, 5 titanium screws, 4 hospitals, 3 pain pills, 2 crutches, and a guilty rodeo clown!
34:33Zing!
34:36Zing!
34:38Zing!
34:42Oh my God!
34:47And a guilty rodeo clown!
34:52He hits you where it hurts, but at the end of the day, as Zingbot, you gotta love the robot!
34:59I need to get home to Planet Zing as fast as possible, and I need your help!
35:09We'll help!
35:11Get dressed, and meet me in the backyard!
35:16It's time for the Veto competition!
35:27Nice!
35:29Now that we have the Zings out of the way, it's time to get to business.
35:32This is war, it's me vs. the house. There's no other options, I need to win this Veto right now.
35:41To be continued...