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00:00All right class, did you know that if there was a road that went straight up into the sky and you drove on that road at 62 miles an hour, it would only take an hour to get to space?
00:14That's so cool!
00:16Hey Penelope, if I was in a car driving 62 miles an hour, how long would it take me to drive to Uranus?
00:22That's a really good question, Junior. Hey teacher, how long would it take to drive to Uranus?
00:29That's a good question, Penelope. If there was a road from Earth to Uranus and you got on that road in your car and started driving 60 miles an hour, it would take about 2,856.7 years to get to Uranus.
00:43Well Junior, I guess I'll see you in 2,856 years.
00:47So you're saying there's a chance?
00:49Guys, guys, guys, Penelope just said in 2,856 years she'll date me.
00:53Junior, you're not going to live that long.
00:55Never lose hope, dude.
00:56But Cody, Cody, she's basically saying that she likes me and she'll give me a chance.
00:59That's not how I would have interpreted that.
01:01No, no, she said I didn't have a chance. She would have said never, ever, ever. But she said 2,856 years. So basically, she secretly likes me. So I think it's time for me to ask her to be my girlfriend.
01:10What? She's going to say no.
01:11What? Not if I give her chocolate and jewelry and candy.
01:14Well, all of that costs money. How are you going to get it?
01:16Um, I'm going to do chores around the house, my dad's going to give me allowance, and I'm going to ask Chef Pipi for money.
01:21So mostly you're just going to ask Chef Pipi for money?
01:23Yeah, and I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend and she's going to say yes.
01:26And you guys are going to be jealous because I'm going to have a girlfriend and I'm going to be too busy making out and I'm not going to have time to hang out with you guys.
01:32These look so good.
01:33Hey, Chef Pipi.
01:34What do you want, Junior? I'm frying Twinkies right now.
01:36Well, there's this girl at school and I really like her and I want to buy her a bunch of stuff.
01:39Wait, wait, you've got to buy her stuff?
01:41Oh, she's a gold digger. She's in front of the streets. Drop her off on the curb.
01:44No, no, no, she's not asking for stuff. I want to get her stuff so that she'll be my girlfriend.
01:48Wait, wait, you shouldn't have to buy her anything. Look, she should like you for you, Junior.
01:51Well, I was just wondering, do you have any money I can borrow?
01:53I only have a dollar. I don't get paid that much, Junior.
01:56Junior, give me my dollar!
01:58Uh, Dad?
01:59What do you want, Junior? I'm watching TV.
02:01Um, well, there's this girl at school.
02:03Is she white?
02:04Yeah.
02:05Dump her.
02:06Wait, why?
02:07White girls don't clean their feet, Junior.
02:08They're always walking outside barefoot until they get the orange stains on their feet and then come tracking it in your house.
02:13Why should they have feet? What's wrong with them?
02:15Look, just get a Hispanic girl. They know how to clean their feet. They're very hygienic.
02:20Well, I really like this girl and...
02:21Have you seen her feet?
02:22No.
02:23Look, go look at her feet, then come talk to me. Bet you're changing your mind. Dirty-ass feet.
02:27Oh, I've seen her feet. They're really clean.
02:29What? A white girl with clean feet?
02:31Ain't no way. Ain't no way, boy.
02:33Why you lie to your daddy? You ain't got a lot of years to practice.
02:35Oh, Dad, is there anything I can do around the house? Like, can I clean the house for money?
02:39Huh, you're going to have to vacuum the floor after she comes tracking her dirty-ass feet in my house.
02:42Oh, Dad, Dad, Dad, enough with the feet stuff. Can I clean the house? Like, can you give me money if I clean the house?
02:47Oh, I guess I can give you $100 if you clean the whole house.
02:50$100?
02:51Yeah.
02:52Okay, I'm going to clean the whole house.
02:53Oh, man, the Twinkies burned. And I still can't believe Junior took my dollar.
02:58What's that noise? Junior, what are you doing? Junior, what are you doing?
03:04What?
03:05Junior, what are you doing?
03:06Oh, I'm vacuuming the kitchen.
03:08You don't vacuum the kitchen. You sweep the kitchen, idiot. And why are you doing it anyway?
03:12Dad said if I clean the entire house, he'd give me $100.
03:14$100? He doesn't even pay me that much. You know what? Since you're vacuuming the kitchen, I'm going to go on vacation.
03:20Got it.
03:21Okay.
03:25Oh, yeah, she's going to love all this.
03:27Whoa, dude, that's a lot of stuff.
03:29Yeah, Junior, you didn't have to do all that.
03:31I want her to say yes when I ask her to be my girlfriend.
03:33Dude, you are sipping.
03:34Yeah, O.J. Simpson over here.
03:36Ha, nice one, nerd.
03:38I'm not going to kill her, guys. When she sees this, she has to say yes.
03:41Oh, here she comes, here she comes.
03:43Oh, my God, look at all this stuff.
03:46I love roses and Hershey kisses are my favorite.
03:49Oh, my God, Olive Garden?
03:51Yeah, only the best for you.
03:53What? Junior, you did all this?
03:55Yeah, I want you to be my girlfriend.
03:57Oh, Junior, I don't know what to say.
03:59You say yes.
04:00Junior, I have a boyfriend.
04:02Damn!
04:06You have a boyfriend? Who?
04:08Bully.
04:09What?
04:11What?
04:12Hey, babe.
04:13How long have you been dating him?
04:15He asked me out last week. I like bad boys.
04:18Who gave you all that stuff? Because I sure as hell didn't.
04:20I don't know how to show affection.
04:22Oh, he's so bad.
04:23I can be a bad boy.
04:26Ouch, Junior.
04:27Dude, you hit her.
04:28Well, Chris Brown is bad, right? I was just trying to be like him.
04:31Yeah, he is bad.
04:32Wait, wait, so I gave you all this stuff?
04:35Yeah, look.
04:36Hey, babe, we're going to Olive Garden tonight.
04:39Hell yeah, unlimited breadsticks.
04:41No, no, no, hold on, hold on.
04:43I'm actually going to need that back.
04:45Wait, what?
04:46Let me talk to you for a second.
04:48Let me spit something to you.
04:49So, I didn't know you had a boyfriend.
04:51Or else I wouldn't have done all this stuff for you.
04:53But, Junior, I thought you were being nice.
04:55No, no, no, listen. I'm not nice.
04:56I was just doing this because I liked you and I wanted to date you.
04:58But if I would have known you had a boyfriend, I would have told you to kick rocks.
05:01But, Junior, this is a gift.
05:03Why would I pay for you and another guy to go out to eat?
05:05That doesn't make any sense, right?
05:06Like, he's going to smash on my dime?
05:08That's not how it works.
05:09Junior, are you serious right now?
05:11Junior, it's a gift.
05:12You're just going to have to cut your losses on this one.
05:14You're going out sad, dude.
05:16You know what?
05:17Go to your stupid Olive Garden with your boyfriend.
05:20But he'll never be able to do the stuff I just did for you.
05:22And I hope he chokes on a breadstick.
05:24And I hope you choke on his breadstick.
05:26What?
05:30You've been crying for four hours.
05:32Because, guys, I did all those chores.
05:34I wasted all that money just to get Penelope all that stuff.
05:37And then she has a boyfriend?
05:39You shouldn't have been sipping in the first place, dude.
05:41Yeah, Junior, I told you this was a bad idea.
05:43You shouldn't have bought all that stuff.
05:44I did not know she had a boyfriend, Cody.
05:46If I would have known she had a boyfriend, I would have done all that stuff.
05:48Look, I checked all her social medias just to make sure she didn't have a boyfriend.
05:51I checked her Instagram.
05:52I checked her Facebook.
05:53There were no signs of this n***** anywhere.
05:54Junior!
05:55I'll allow it.
05:56He's grieving right now.
05:57Thanks, n*****.
05:58Hey, hey, you better not ever say that ever again.
06:00Sorry.
06:01But look, guys, I just paid for her to go out on a dinner with her boyfriend.
06:04Yeah, Junior, you lost your man card for that one.
06:07Yeah, dude, you're down bad.
06:08Should I call her and ask her how the dinner's going?
06:11No, Junior, that's embarrassing.
06:12Yeah, she's getting her guts filled up right now.
06:14What?
06:15I mean, the breadsticks, dude, from Olive Garden.
06:17Oh, okay, good.
06:18Yeah, and at home, too.
06:20What?
06:21Dude, we don't know if Bully's packing or not.
06:23Guys, guys, guys, what if while she's at the dinner, she's thinking about me?
06:27She's like, oh, Junior paid for this, so obviously she's thinking about me, right?
06:31I don't think so, Junior.
06:32Okay, well, what if...
06:34Okay, guys, we gotta do this.
06:36Let's go to Olive Garden and try to ruin the date.
06:38Yeah, let's do that.
06:39Dude, that sounds desperate.
06:40I don't know if I can be your friend anymore, dude.
06:42Yeah, Junior, this is sad.
06:43I'm gonna go home.
06:44Guys, guys, okay, please, please, please go with me.
06:46I'm begging you, I'm begging you.
06:47Please, can we go ruin their dinner date?
06:49Because if we ruin their dinner date, then she's gonna think of me and she'll date me.
06:52I don't know.
06:54I guess I'll ruin it.
06:55I like ruining things.
06:56Just like my mom's marriage.
06:58Let's do it.
06:59Okay.
07:01Oh my God, I love being in Olive Garden.
07:04I feel like I'm in Italy.
07:05I feel like I'm at Olive Garden.
07:07Do you like your salad?
07:08No, I'm not gonna eat it.
07:10I refuse to eat anything healthy.
07:11Oh my God, you're such a bad boy.
07:13I'm just gonna eat the pepper.
07:15And mysterious.
07:16So, like, why do you even like me anyway?
07:18My parents put so much pressure on me to be a good girl and make good grades.
07:23I just want to rebel sometimes and date a bad boy.
07:26That's lame.
07:27How are the salads?
07:28I'm not gonna eat mine.
07:30Oh, well, are you ready to order?
07:32Um, can we have a few more minutes?
07:34Very well.
07:35Why was that waiter, like, all up in my business?
07:38I'm gonna hit him next time he comes over.
07:40I don't know whether to get the chicken Alfredo or the lasagna.
07:43I'm getting the chicken Alfredo, so you are too.
07:46Oh my gosh, well, what about dessert?
07:48We can't afford dessert because your stupid friend only gave us $50.
07:51So just eat the little mints that came with your bread.
07:53All right, Joseph, there they are on the date that I paid for.
07:56How are you gonna ruin the date, dude?
07:58I was thinking about beating up the waiter and dressing up like the waiter
08:00and then, like, spitting in their food and stuff.
08:02Oh, I love that.
08:03Yeah, that'll definitely mess up the date.
08:05Yeah, okay, so help me jump the waiter.
08:06Okay.
08:11Let me get his clothes, let me get his clothes.
08:12Yeah, yeah, run that.
08:13All right, Joseph, how do I look?
08:15Pretty spiffy, bro.
08:16Thanks, bro.
08:17Now go get him, tiger.
08:18Okay.
08:19Salad is gross.
08:20You keep saying that.
08:21All right, guys, what would you like to eat?
08:23What, Junior, what are you doing here?
08:26Wait, you recognize me?
08:27Yes!
08:28Oh, damn it.
08:29Well, uh, your old waiter got jumped, so I'm your new waiter.
08:32What?
08:33All right, so, uh, what would you like to order?
08:34We would like the chicken Alfredo.
08:36Chicken Alfredo, good choice.
08:38I'll be right back with that.
08:39Whoa!
08:40Oh, my God, I'm so sorry about that.
08:42You should pick that up before it burns the whole place down.
08:44Junior!
08:45All right, Joseph, I have their chicken Alfredo.
08:47What should I do to it?
08:48I got an idea.
08:51Right back, bitch.
08:53All right, Joseph, now that we beat it up, what do we do now?
08:55Spit on it, dude.
08:56Oh, yeah, spit on it.
08:59Oh, man, that's so gross.
09:00Ooh, ooh, ooh, I should go dump it in the sewer.
09:02Oh, yeah, you should get all types of fungus and gross stuff on it.
09:05Yeah, yeah, because if Penelope gets sick while eating this,
09:07she's going to think she got sick because she went on a date with him.
09:09Oh, you're a genius, dude.
09:10I'm going to do that.
09:11All right, here is your food.
09:13Ew, Junior, what is this?
09:15It's chicken Alfredo-no.
09:17Junior, this is disgusting!
09:20It smells like somebody pooped in my Alfredo.
09:22Compliments from the chef.
09:23I'm not eating this.
09:24Are you saying this is the worst date you've ever been on?
09:27Junior, if you're trying to ruin this date, it's not working.
09:29I'm not trying to ruin the date.
09:30I'm trying to ruin you guys' relationship.
09:32I'm trying to make you not like him.
09:33You're not making me not like him.
09:34You're making me not like you.
09:36Come on, bully, let's get out of here.
09:38Yeah, let's blow this popsicle stand.
09:40Oh, man.
09:42Stupid, dumb, dumb date.
09:44Did she break up with him, dude?
09:45No, she said it doesn't matter how bad the date went,
09:47she still likes him for him.
09:48Oh, that sucks.
09:49Well, you know what you have to do now.
09:50What?
09:51Kill him.
09:52I'm not going to kill him, Joseph.
09:53Well, I guess you have morals, dude.
09:54Oh, you can pretend to be him and then treat her really badly
09:57and she breaks up with him.
09:58Well, that's a good idea, Joseph.
10:00I should dress up like Bully and then treat her really bad.
10:02Yeah, I'm going to go see if I have an outfit that looks like him.
10:04Okay.
10:05All right, Joseph, how do I look?
10:06Ah, Bully, what are you doing here?
10:08If you push me, I'm going to press charges.
10:10But, Joseph, it's me, Junior.
10:11Oh, dude, I didn't even recognize you.
10:13You look just like Bully with the nose ring and everything.
10:15Well, I'm going to call Penelope
10:17and I'm going to tell her to come over here
10:18and I'm going to treat her really bad
10:19and then she's going to break up with Bully.
10:20Okay, dude.
10:21Okay, I'm calling Penelope.
10:22It's ringing.
10:23Uh, hello?
10:24Junior, why are you calling me?
10:26Uh, this isn't, I mean, this isn't Junior.
10:29This is your boyfriend, Bully.
10:31Bully, why are you calling from Junior's phone?
10:34Uh, because I came over to his house
10:37and I beat him up and took his phone.
10:38Why would you do that?
10:39Because my name's literally Bully.
10:41I bully people.
10:42I'm mean.
10:43Aw, you are so bad.
10:44Uh, yeah, yeah.
10:45So, I was wondering if you wanted to come over
10:47and, like, sit on his couch and hang out.
10:49Oh, uh, okay.
10:50I'm coming over right now.
10:52Okay, see you never.
10:53Or maybe soon.
10:54I don't care.
10:55I'm Bully.
10:56I don't care.
10:57What?
10:58Oh, no.
10:59She's here already?
11:00She comes fast.
11:01Hopefully.
11:02Let me put this back on.
11:03Uh, hello?
11:04Hey, Bully.
11:05What are you doing here?
11:06Uh, you invited me over.
11:07Oh, that's right.
11:08I invited, like, ten girls.
11:09You're, like, the fifth girl I called.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:12Top five.
11:13Really?
11:14I mean, uh, yeah.
11:15So, if you want to come inside, you can.
11:16Okay.
11:17Why does she like being treated so bad?
11:19Okay, so, I have a question.
11:20Ugh, make it quick.
11:21So, at dinner, you asked what makes me like you,
11:24but what makes you like me?
11:26What makes me like you?
11:27Yeah.
11:28Well, I like bigger girls.
11:29You're so silly.
11:30No, like, I'm being serious.
11:31I like really big, fat, ugly girls,
11:33and you're perfect for that.
11:34You have such a good sense of humor.
11:36What?
11:37How is she possibly like this?
11:39Oh, yeah, so, I just think you're the ugliest girl
11:41I've ever seen.
11:42Okay, so, what do you want to do?
11:44Well, I was thinking you could step on a scale,
11:46and then, when your weight pops up, we go,
11:47what?
11:48It can go that high?
11:49You're so funny.
11:51Okay, this is not working.
11:52Ugh, I've got to try treating her good.
11:54If I treat her good, maybe she won't like that.
11:56Yeah, but, to be honest with you,
11:57I really think you're the most beautiful girl in the world.
11:59What?
12:00Yeah, like, your eyes,
12:01they remind me of the color green.
12:03You're being weird.
12:04Weird?
12:05No, this is who I am.
12:06I'm not really a bad guy.
12:07I'm actually a really nice guy,
12:09and I think you're gorgeous,
12:10and I want to treat you right.
12:11I don't think this is going to work out.
12:13What do you mean?
12:14Well, I thought you were bad,
12:16and you're being nice and good.
12:18Well, this is just who I am, baby.
12:19So, you're saying you're breaking up with me?
12:21Yeah.
12:22Really?
12:23Okay, so, call my real phone and break up with me.
12:25I'm not good at breakups in person.
12:27So, call Bully's real phone,
12:28not Junior's phone.
12:29Call Bully's phone and break up with him,
12:30and don't tell him why.
12:31Just say I'm breaking up with you.
12:32And all my piercings are fake.
12:33That's why they keep falling.
12:34And my hair's fake.
12:36What is going on?
12:38Just call Bully's phone
12:39and break up with him on the phone.
12:40Okay.
12:46What do you want?
12:47Hi, Bully.
12:48I'm calling to break up with you.
12:49Why?
12:50Because you're just so fake.
12:51Your piercings are fake.
12:52Your hair is fake.
12:53And you're just a fake, fake faker.
12:55I don't know what you're talking about.
12:56Oh, I'm breaking up with you.
12:57You're single now.
12:58Bye.
13:01Boys suck.
13:04Hey, Penelope.
13:05Hi, Junior.
13:06I'm sorry.
13:07My ex-boyfriend beat you up
13:08and stole your phone.
13:10It's okay.
13:11Wait.
13:12Did you say
13:13ex-boyfriend?
13:14Wink, wink.
13:15Yeah, I just got off the phone with him
13:16and broke up with him.
13:18Oh, well,
13:19now that you're single,
13:20you want to date me?
13:21No, Junior.
13:22I can't.
13:23You're just too nice.
13:24Well, I can be bad.
13:25No, you can't.
13:26Hey, you're under arrest.
13:27For what?
13:28For beating up an old man
13:29and stealing his clothes.
13:30Oh, I did do that.
13:31Junior,
13:32you beat up an old man
13:33and stole his clothes?
13:34Yeah.
13:35Oh, my God.
13:36You're so bad.
13:37Come on.
13:38Really?
13:39Come on with me.
13:40You'll wait for me, right?
13:41I'll wait for you.
13:42Oh, he's bad.
13:43And you, little missy,
13:44need to get home
13:45and stop hanging out
13:46with criminals.
13:47Fine, Dad.
13:48I wish I never had a daughter.
13:53There were no signs
13:54of this ninja anywhere.
13:55Junior.
13:56I'll allow it.
13:57He's grieving right now.
13:58Thanks, ninja.